_____________________________________________________ | | | Slick's Guide to Self-Bartending | | | | Or Booze1 | | | | By Slick | \___________________________________________________/ Heh..heh... One of the greatest pleasures man has ever known comes from speacial drinks known as alchoholic beverages. Of course they have also caused a great deal of suffering. Very few people find it easy to drink and compute, and you should never drink and drive or drink and sail. People drink mass quantities of liquor and beer. The liquor industry ships nickel stainless tank trucks filled with 6,000 gallons of gin, vodka and vermouth in seperate compartments! What a martini! I personally have a fantasy of working for one of these companies and being a taste tester. Like Uncle Sqrooge I could jump into the big tanks and swim. Basicaly in this file I want to share some of my favorite mixtures and ideas on how they should be served and consumed. One of the best things in the world is to get together with 4 or more people and have some kind of a drinking game. I'll sudgest some of my favorites. I'm drinking a 6-pack of Molson Golden from Canada. Maybe You should be drinking something too! Go out right now, before you read more and get a 6-pack or maybe two 6-packs! We're going to have an 'Educational Party'! ******************** * * * * * * * * * ________ * * * * /-\ * *\-/ * * * ** ** 1.1 ** A Regular Martini ** ** ************* Ok The Basics: I'm not going to go into all the different types of liquor; i'm just going to deal with the old standbys; that is Gin, Rum, Vodka(my favorite), Whiskey, Tequila, Beer and Wine. heh..heh.. The Martini! The Martini has alway's been viewed as a drink of great POWER... but the truth is it isn't anymore powerful than any other drink that contains the same amount of alcohol, what gives it it's wicked rattlesnake byte is the Vermouth. The original recipe was 1/2 Vodka and 1/2 Vermouth. Popular resipes today have 5-1 and 8-1 ratios. The traditional glass is obviously too small. Having to serve one in a teeny-weeny glass is bullshit. Here's the way I do it. I get out a pitcher that holds...oh...a quart and a half. Get out your ice - a Martini has to be chilled with ice. Don't crush the ice, just throw a bunch in the pitcher. What kind of Vodka? Well the truth is the better the Vodka the better the Martini but both good and bad Vodka produce the same effect. heh heh. My preference is Stolichnaya because it's made in Russia, and one thing those commies do well is make smoooooth Vodka, and it comes with a soda style screw on cap! It's about 10-$15 a bottle so as you may guess I usually get the Safeway $4 kind. A Rat Martini Pour 1/2 bottle of Vodka into a 1.5 quart pitcher over ice. Pour 1/4 bottle of Vermouth on top. Stir with a big Spoon and serve with ice in a tall glass. Screw the olive - try a piece of lime on the rim. If you want to make a Gin Martini substitute Gin for Vodka. That's called a Filthy Rat Martini, but make sure the Gin is only 80 proof or it will tear your throat out. ------------------------------------------------------------ The Gun Runner Ok a Gun runner was once just simple lemonade. Today it's sort of like a screw driver. This is probably the smoothest drink you'll ever taste. it's simple enough. Fill 1/2 a tall and wide glass with cheap Gin. Fill the rest of the glass almost to the top with very cold. lemonade. Watch it with this one. It will sneak up on you, and before you know it you'll have gulped down a half gallon of gin. ------------------------------------------------------------ The Margarita This is a popular drink. I make it a little different than most people. Save this one for special occasions because it's more expensive to make. Use The best tequila - Quervo or better and mix it with store-bought Margarita mix. But don't follow their directions because they suck. Again the idea of the little glasses is bullshit. Get a Pitcher! Mix 1/2 bottle of Quervo with about twice that much worth of mixer. Plop in handfulls of crushed or uncrushed ice and stir with a big spoon. Serve in a BIG glass, with a straw. No...Salt is not only more money and work, but looks stupid on a big glass. I never miss it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Rum Shots with Wine Spritzers This demonic mixture was designed by my partners Sir Dow and Dr. Fresh (Doctor of Strong Drink) to test the old theory that mixing different types of alcohol is a faster way to get trashed. As expected, our studies show the theory stands up well!. Rum Shots with Wine Spritzers is just what it sounds like. For every one Shot of Rum, you chase it down with several gulps of Wine Spritzers. High Voltage Madness! Rum: Any kind, I like Bacardi. Wine: any DRY white, preferably cheap but not sweet. Wine Spritzer Fill a tall glass half full of white wine. Fill it the rest of the way (almost to the top) with Seltzer water or Calistoga water. Not Club Soda or Tonic water. You don't even have to stir it. I would use plastic Cups if you plan on making more than 2 gallons. ------------------------------------------------------------ Wiskey Power Slings Whoever came up with the retarded idea to make all sorts of timid little Wiskey drinks like Wiskey Daisys and Wiskey Cobblers should be shot. Wiskey should only be consumed slightly modified or better yet straight. Heres a slightly modified Wiskey drink i've tested and found acceptable. 1 Cup of Wiskey 1/8 cup of lemon juice 1 teaspoon water stir with big spoon Serve in a Big glass Add slice of lemon to rim Ice optional ------------------------------------------------------------ BEER! Beer has been consumed for thousands of years. It was part of the Egyptians basic diet. Many people including myself have a sort of deep rooted relationship with Beer. I make my oun, and drink as much Beer as I can in one sitting. My partners and I have worked out a system that we think should be used by everyone to calculate how much beer will be needed when it comes time to kick-back. AMOUNT FOR EACH PERSON 1 six pack = a taste or teaser 2 six packs = a drink 3 six packs = a good drink 4 six packs (case) = a very good drink 5 six packs = satisfactory for most people 6 six packs = people start dropping 7 six packs + = bombed to body damage and death So if you had say 5 people at the party and everyone wants a very good drink, then, you will need 5 cases which is a case a piece. I have worked hard and long on this system with my partners and we have tested it to the hilt! It works! - believe it. Kinds of Beers: Well, American beer sucks in my opinion. That's because I know how they make it - fizzed up and flavored, but it is cheap. I recommend Imports, particularly from Germany and Canada. I like Molson, Molson Golden, Molson ale, Becks, and hundreds of others. Watch out for an American Beer called Gobels. You might as well sit on the toilet while you drink it. If you need cost effective Beer go for one called: Carling's BLACK LABEL. Some people don't like it that much at first because it rips your teeth out, but it has an almost addictive aquired taste. It costs between $1.30 an 1.90 per six pack of brown little bottles. BLACK LABEL is interesting because it's made in Indonesia, shipped on boats in vats to the U.S., Bottled and shipped through Milwalkie, and it's ouned by a South African company. I like it. My friends and I call it Toxic Waste. Drinking Games: The drinking games I like are very simple and not too complicated for drunk people. 1. RED AND BLACK This is a variation on the HIGHER OR LOWER card game. It doesn't matter who deals first. The dealer goes arount the circle asking the players which color the next undealt card will be. If the player guesses correctly then he/she picks another player to take a drink, but if the player guesses wrong then he/she has to drink and the next player in the circle has a shot at it. Very Simple not much equipment and it's very, very fast. 2. THE DICE THE DICE is a simple game too. You simply find a pair of dice... each player guesses a number between 2 and 12. If the dice shows a number within two digits + or - that number then the player gets to pick another player to drink! If the dice don't even come close to that number then the player must drink and pass the dice onto the next player. So if someone guessed that the roll would be a 5 and the dice landed on 3,4,5,6 or 7 he/she gets to make someone else drink. If it isn't one of those numbers then the player has to drink and pass the dice onto the next player. The only other rule is that if some one rolls doubles 3 times in a row, the player can choose anyone to drink a full beer. That happens more often then you would think. Heh..heh... The HANGOVER How to get rid of it: Simple. I don't recomend trying to drink it off, I like to be in control at all times. So I don't perpetuate the 'Hangover cycle'. 10 Easy Steps! 1 Get out of bed or off the floor. 2 Drink a cup of coffee so you can get in the shower. 3 Take a shower. 4 Eat Breakfast (It really will help the nausea.) 5 Take a Multi-Vitamin 6 Take a B Vitamin Supplement 7 Take 1500 mg of aspirin 8 Drink lots of water constantly 9 Do some kind of low impact physical activity like walking 10 Think positively Ok that's it, I have thousands of other recipes for good drinks and I may make another of this type file. I also want to make a file about sneaking alcohol into public places and a file on home beer making. I'd like to thank my colleagues Sir Dow and Dr. Fresh. SLICK. ************************************************************ rdi.