Welcome to Penis War.  We hope you enjoy the adult version of the old
 guess a number game.  Why did we write this door?  Beats me.  Must be
 something in the water in southeast Missouri.

 If you have a comment, good or bad, feel free to contact Fantasy Sports
 Connection at 314-784-9456.

 1-Penis Guessing Arena.  To start, you'll need to guess the size of Commander
   Dingleberry's Penis.  You do this in the Penis Guessing Arena.  Penis Wars
   will let you guess the size 3 times and then take your best score.  The game
   awards inches as follows. 

   6 tries = 2 inches   
   5 tries = 3 inches
   4 tries = 4 inches
   3 tries = 5 inches
   2 tries = 6 inches
   1 try   = 7 inches
   
   But you only get credit for those inches if you have the best score for
   the day you play.  However, if your best score is more than seven, Commander
   Dingleberry regrets to inform you that you will be punished by being put on
   the daily "pussy" list.

 2-Penis Sizes Today.  This option shows you who has played today and the
   least number of tries if the try total is seven or below.

 3-Inches Earned.  The best daily total will show up on this list along with
   the date, tries, and inches earned.  Penis Wars will take the lowest score
   each day and write it to this selection.  If two players tie, the game will
   take the individual who logged on and played first.     

 4-Prick Of The Month.  This will show the totals of all daily winners for the
   past month.  Of course, the individual with the most inches is Prick Of The
   month.

 5-Help.  You're reading it now.

 6-Pussy List.  If your best try took more than seven attempts then you'll see
   your name on The Commander's Pussy List.  It'll stay there for one day.

 7-Exit. Back to the bbs.