;You know your having a bad day when you
;have thoughts like these!
;
You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You wake up face down on the pavement

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You put your bra on backward
and it fits better

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You call suicide prevention
and they put you on hold

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You see a "60 minutes" news team 
waiting in your office

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
Your birthday cake collapses 
from the weight of the candles

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when...
You want to put on the clothes you wore
home from the party and there aren't any

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You turn on the news and they're showing
emergency routes out of the city

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke
and then realize you don't have a waterbed

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
Your car horn goes off accidentally 
and remains stuck as you follow a group
of Hell's Angels on the freeway

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
Your boss tells you not to bother
to take off your coat

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
The bird singing outside your window 
is a buzzard

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You walk to work and find your dress
is stuck in the back of your panty hose

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You call your answering service
and they tell you it's none of your business

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
Your income check bounces

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
You put both contact lenses in the same eye

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when..
Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" 
and your name is George