ANKLEBYTER #1 """"""""""""" Article submitted by: Gloria Short Brain Storm Learning BBS Houston, Tx 713-550-8105 Due to the immense popularity towards the many "real" files, I have decided to compile a guide which shows what NOT to do to become a better user. Since I have NOT been an anklebiter for many years, I find it fitting that I should write such a file. First, for those of you who are not familiar with the term "anklebiter", I will define it: ANKLEBITER: One who has not owned a modem for more than 6 months, and asks annoying questions about how to use it. Anklebiters cannot be blamed for their actions, because they just don't know any better. ANKLEBYTER: One who acts immature, and generally retarded on BBS's. Anklebyters are hated by everyone (except by other anklebyters, as anklebyters tend to stick together). Anklebyters must be set straight or they will eventually poison the minds of anklebiters. Since we all were anklebiters at one time, I will direct this guide towards anklebyters, as there seems to be a large flood of them these days. How to Spot an Anklebyter """"""""""""""""""""""""" Real anklebyters can be of any age but are usually 12 or 13. Real anklebyters leave a "Pleeeze send me E-mail!!!" message at least once a week. Corollary: Only real anklebyters reply to such messages. Real anklebyters think that Half duplex is a small two family house. Real anklebyters cannot ever be real pirates or real sysops. Real anklebyters can be true leeches, or unreal system crashers, and usually are. When calling BBS's with 20+ message bases, real anklebyters always complain on the bitch board that there aren't enough. Corollary: Real sysops don't run BBS's with more than 13 message bases anyway. (usually) Real anklebyters have at least 5 different pseudo's. Real anklebyters name themselves after the TV shows they watch. (I.E. Pa Ingalls, Scrappy Doo, Jr. Frisky Frolic) Corollary: Real anklebyters never miss an episode of STAMPEDE WRESTLING. Real anklebyters try to get others to like them by setting up clubs populated solely by their many pseudo's. Corollary: Real anklebyters name their anklebyter clubs after them, sounds powerful. (I.E. Neo-nazi's, Resistance fighters, Jedi Knights) Real anklebyters pronounce "Sysop" SIGH-SOP. (Note: Correct pronunciation is SISS-OP) Corollary: Real anklebyters think SIGH-SOP is a new type of barbecue sauce. Real anklebyters are always posting messages about what rock groups they listen to. Corollary: Real anklebyters listen to Heavy Metal because they think people will like them if they do. When a Real anklebyter achieves a measly access level of 2, he considers himself more socially valuable than an anklebiter with level 1. Corollary: Real anklebyters are always accusing others of being anklebyters. Real anklebyters watch POLICE STORY, and EYE ON HOLLYWOOD, when everyone else is watching LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN. Real anklebyters try to sell games that foolish pirates gave to them. Corollary: Poor anklebiters, not knowing any better, buy such games. Real anklebyters use the family's computer. Corollary: Anklebyterness is hereditary so any brothers or sisters they have are usually anklebyters too. When on backspacing boards, Real anklebyters say "This message will erase itself" at the end of a message, then proceed to waste everyone's time by backspacing over the whole message (And knowing anklebyters, its around 90 lines of irrelevant doo-de). When on the local Bitch Board, real anklebyters always complain that there are never any new messages. Corollary: The reason there is never any new messages is because real anklebyters sit by their computer all day signing on to BBS's at least 4 times a day each. Not enabling any new messages to be posted. Each time a Real anklebyter signs onto a BBS, the first thing he does is call for chat; even if last time he chatted with the sysop, the sysop booted him off. Real anklebyters type in upper case. Corollary: Real anklebyters refer to upper case as "Big letters", and lower case as "Small letters" When overhearing a Real Hacker discussing the p/w to some new system, Real anklebyters use the info and always mess things up for Real Hackers. Corollary: Real anklebyters always brag about being hackers. When running a BBS, Real anklebyters always cut in for chat, and sometimes when people say "I don't want to chat with you" they start to cry and threaten to delete your User I.D. Corollary: Only Real anklebyters care if he does it or not. Real anklebyters use at least 9 exclamation points at the end of their sentences. Corollary: Real anklebyters hardly ever make real sentences anyway. Real anklebyters randomly pick people out of the user list to send E-mail to. Corollary: Only Real anklebyters reply to such messages, unless they are telling the anklebyter to bug off. When reading files like this, and discovering they fit the description given, Real anklebyters begin to cry. - - - - - - - - - - - Well, almost time for Late Night, so looks like this Volume is finished. But don't worry, with the rapid population increase in anklebyters, I'm sure there will be more guides to come.