Copyright 1992(c)

                                    DOWTING
                            By William J. Slattery

      "Mr. Dowting, you come highly recommended by management"
      "Thank you. I had a tough childhood."
      "Yes, I understand that. However we're here today to discuss
your coming to work for us as a used car salesman. The boss insists
we consider you because you're a Yale man."
      "Never made Skull and Bones."
      "Tragic I'm sure."
      "Had to sit in the end zone at the Harvard games."
      "Ghastly."
      "I've never actually sold a car, you know. In my previous job,
I went from working in accounting to treasurer of the company, so
I know the theory of used car sales, but I have never actually sold
a car."
      "Yes, yes, quite so. Now I wonder if you'd be kind enough to
tell me what you would do in an actual car-selling situation, a
hypothetical car-selling situation. Say, for example, someone came
in here and wanted to buy a Dodge, I see you drive a Dodge, you
presumably know a great deal about Dodges. Just how exactly would
you handle selling a Dodge?"
      "Well, I had this rotten childhood. I mean it was a bummer,
really rough." (Tears come to Dowting's eyes. He dabs at his cheeks
with a handkerchief his great grandmother wore while picking cotton
in the fields of Georgia over 150 years ago.)
      "They called her "girl," you know," he sobs cryptically.
      "Mr. Dowting, please. I know little about you except that some
of your colleagues say you're a company stooge and some others say
you're the best used car salesman available today. I'm trying to
decide here: should I hire you or should I wait and see if someone
better comes along? This is important because we're talking a
lifetime job here."
      "Well, because I own a Dodge demands that I must excuse myself
from answering your question about Dodges. Selling cars must be
handled on a car-by-car basis."
      "Yes, but because you have had experience with Dodges it seems
to me that you could give me some general idea of how you would go
about selling one. Could you, perhaps, give me a hint of how you
would sell a Dodge? Just a teensy smidge of a hint?"
      "Absolutely not. Suppose I told you that I would sell Dodge
cars in some particular way and then in the actual selling
situation I sold the car some other way, why then you'd accuse me
of misrepresenting myself here in this job interview. Your respect
for me and the profession of used car sales would diminish and
because I'm applying for a lifetime job, I can't have you thinking
I have deceived you in any way. Surely you see that?"
      "Yes, well, I don't see, actually, but tell me this, then,
just to get off the subject of Dodges for a minute: many of our
customers think that repainting a used car is a criminal act
because it changes in an unnatural way the true, God-given
condition of the automobile. Many others think that repainting is
an excellent thing to do because it extends the life of the car,
inhibits rust and so on. How do you feel about this matter? 
Trivial as it seems on the surface, I assure you that many of our
customers are deadly serious about repainting. They stage marches,
they burn down paint shops, both sides claim that the Almighty is
on their side. How do you feel about painting and repainting, Mr.
Dowting? Take your time. Your job hangs in the balance here. Don't
dodge the issue, I beg you."
      "Some of my best friends own repainted cars. I understand
repainted cars. I would never do anything to harm either a car with
an original paint job or a repainted car. I give you my word on
it. My solemn oath."
      "Mr. Dowting I don't think I have made myself clear. You have
to take sides on this one. Either you're for repainting or you're
against it. We simply have to know where you stand. Our customers
need to know this. Management needs you to take a stand."
      "I have been as clear as I feel I can be. Management knows my
stand on this issue. Later I will inform our customers. Painting
or not painting is a serious matter, too serious to be discussed
casually here in a job interview. Some cars should be repainted
and others shouldn't. I mean some cars need repainting else they
will rust to pieces right on the spot. Others don't need repainting
because natural law makes it plain that they don't. I can't make
a definitive announcement on this today."
      "Well I guess that's it then, Mr. Dowting. We'll be in touch. 
I think my recommendation will be that you get the job. I recognize
your grandmother's handkerchief in your hand there. My grandfather
used to own your grandmother, and I feel so guilty about it that
it's the least I can do. I've found no evidence that you've
actually burned down a paint shop. I see no indication that you
are opposed to selling used cars. I suspect you're very good at
Dodges. Welcome aboard my boy."
      "Don't call me boy."
                                      END