OH NO, a worm in my Hard-drive! ................. Group Photo ... Nobody notices when things go right. ...and sometimes the bear eats you. ...and then on other days it just rains. ...but there are no old, bold pilots. ...Just a RIME without a reason..... ...no thanks, I'm already having one. ...would you like me to sing you a song? :.::: ::..: ::.::. :..:: This tag-line is in braille :) :D :O :( :[ ;) 8) B) :> |I :P =) :S :B :] :\ ! Not on your life ! "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 "Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "Bother," said Pooh, and deleted his message base. "Boy, Data, you look great in a push-up bra!" - Riker "Call it a hunch." -- Quasimodo "Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?" - Worf "Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing." "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy. "Data enjoys a lot of confusion, Jean-Luc." - Deanna "DEL *.*" - 100% file compression. "DOS=HIGH" Hmm, I knew it was on something... "Easy" is easy to say. "Energize!" said Picard and the pink bunny appeared... "Excuse me, do you mind if I squish in here?" - Odo "Facts are stupid things" - Ronald Reagan "Fascinating," said Spock, watching Kirk's lousy acting. "Format all 10? Only 3 fit in the slot! "Hand me that solar-powered flashlight..." "Hello, World!" 17 Errors, 31 Warnings.... "Hey, Worf! I hooked Data up to a Modem... wanna see?" "I am a jelly doughnut." --John F. Kennedy "I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared. "I'm all ears, hooman!" DaiMon Perrot "I'm not Bajoran. Sisko punched me in the nose." - Kira "If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates "Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Einstein "Life," said Marvin. "Don't talk to me about life." "MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs) "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?" "My God, it's full of stores!" - 2001: A Shopping Odyssey "My name is Crusher. Where's Ensign Walnut?" - Beverly "Old poets never die, they just ride off into the sonnet." "Really honey....just 1 more message." "Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore..." "What's 'e matter w' that thing?" - Scotty "What's up, Doc?" - Ensign Bugs to Crusher "Why stop now? Just when I'm hating it." -Marvin '\o.,@o.+:"/~!v <-- Tagline debris. ( ( ( ((( In Stereo ))) ) ) ) (((((((((((((((SURROUND SOUND)))))))))))))))) ((wrong && wrong) != right) (A)bort (R)epent (I)gnorant? (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (C)rash? (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (F)ail, (N)uke... (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)verthrow System? (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (S)ell it! (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (S)orry I Asked! (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (V)alium? (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened . . . (A)bort (R)etry (S)ue (C) 1993 All Lefts Reserved. (C)ontrol (A)lt (B)ye (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza (Dos + Windows + ATM) < OS/2 2.0! (horrified) No! Not the Knights who say Ni! (I)gnore (R)etry (A)bort (M)eltdown (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam... ))))) TAKE A MINUTE TO THANK YOUR SYSOP ((((( $$$ not found: A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy. * . . . . . <- Tribble Mother and Young * * * (Tribbles) (Tribbles after Biology lab) * * * <- Tribbles . . . <- Tribbles after a haircut * * * <- Tribbles <- Cloaked tribbles * * * <- Tribbles    <- teenage mutant ninja tribbles * * * <- Tribbles    <- Tribbles on drugs * * * <- Tribbles _ _ _ <- after fight with Godzilla * * * <- Tribbles ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ <- Tribbles in heaven * * * <- Tribbles <- Hari Krishna tribbles * * * <- Tribbles <- Tribbles with hula hoops * * * <- Tribbles <- Tribbles wearing condoms * * * <- Tribbles <- after the wash cycle *// *// *// <- Tribbles Going Skiing * * * <- Tribbles o o o <- Bald tribbles * * * <- Tribbles <- after hairclub visit * * * <- Tribbles o o o <- Tribbles on a windy day * * * <- Tribbles <- dissected tribbles * * * <- Tribbles <- after being stuck in elevator * * * <- Tribbles * <- Sergeant tribble * <- Tribble # <- Tribble After Borg Assimilation * <-- Tribble <-- Tribble Sandwich * <- Tribble <- Tribble After a Close Shave */ \* <-Tribbles having a swordfight * DO NOT EAT * *---- The Original dBase dGenerate *}- Tribble Olympics: Archery *****************Dang*Tribbles****************** ***ď*** < Heavy-Weight Tribble Lifter. **FLASH** Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery *^ *^ <- Tribbles Praying *> - | <- Tribble Archery *Four hours* to bury a cat? Yes - it wouldnt keep still. * * <- Tribbles Snorkelling * <-- Grandpa Tribble with his cane ^^ <- Viking Tribble <----------cut here------ <---The data stream went thataway!-----> <----- The information went data way -----> <<<<<<< It'll be in v1.2....I promise!!!! >>>>>>> ++ to continue... indows cons ice

ointers ... heesh Don't Press THE BIG RED BUTTON! --==**> Real Programmers Practice Safe HEX <**==-- # of Vulcans needed to replace a bulb? Precisely 1.0000000 #@$ffwe99fjaljk ... Hey! Get the cat off the keyboard! #define QUESTION {(2b || !2b)} -- Shakespeare #include _________._________ this is me looking at you. * Darn! Only one throroughbred Tribble left! \/r Sڿ /\g_i Do ̹S? <-- Baby Tribble with bottle h  mM gs - Any questions? 1/2: one half the value, i.e.: 1/2, X/2, PS/2, OS/2 ... 1 if by land, 2 if by C. 100 Common Cents: 1 Canadian Looney. 1024x768x256.... Sounds like one MEAN woman! 113 grams, 10 milliliters ... He's lead, Jim. 186,282.3959 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, its the LAW. 1957 Fortran is introduced 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 2.0 is better than 1. 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Hmmmm..... 2400 city/9600 highway. 29A...The hexadecimal of the Beast. 3 dreaded words: hard disk failure 30 straight hours, What is that? A metric day?! 33mHz ain't fast enough! 486! The VAX crusher! 4 out of 5 modems prefer it. 42 Is The Answer To Life The Universe And Everything 43% of all statistics are worthless. 4am? Already? Oh no not again!! 50 states, and I had to pick this one... 62% of those polled felt polls asked trivial questions. 667 - Neighbor of the Beast 69, 714, 2112 sex, drugs, rock'n'roll 7 Days without pizza makes one weak... 70% of accidents occur at home; the rest in voting booths 73% of statistics are made up on the spot. 8 years school, $14,000 debt, $26,000 a year! 82.6% of statistics are wrong... 9 out of 10 men who tried Camels prefer women. 9.8 m/s: Not just a good idea; it's the LAW! 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. A $500 CPU will protect a $10 surge protector by frying first. A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed. A bird in hand is safer than one overhead. A black hole is God dividing by zero... A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual. A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A dirty book is seldom dusty. A feature is a bug with seniority. A fool and his money are my two favorite people. A fool and his money are SYSOP material. A good frame of mind . . . but no picture. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. A job is nice but it interferes with my life. A little revolution every now and then is good... A Macintosh a day keeps Apple Happy and Rich! A macro on the loose...WATCH OUT ! A Mogwai is simply a highly evolved Tribble. A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight. A pound of Flex-ex and a blasting cap cures hacking. A procrastinator's work is never done. A production of the digitally insane. A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. A slotted spoon holds little soup, but grabs a potato. A sonic screwdriver is Vodka and orange juice going Mach 2. A surprised Data is propositioned by the E's Computer. A Tale of Two Zities -Dickens's cookbook A tribble a day keeps the Klingons well fed. A truly lazy person is never bored. A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite. A victim of a prank, Geordi puts a banana over his eyes A virus is a Daemon with an attitude problem! A)bort, R)etry, S)wear? AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Abandon all hope, ye who press Enter.... Abolish mornings Abort, Retry, Find another line of work....... ABORT: Drivel filter is compromised! Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality ACK and you shall receive. Acoustic: Instrument used in billiards... Actually it is an interplanetary greeting. Admit it-- you expected to see a copyright notice here. Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery... Advisor: The guy who told you how to screw up After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?  Age 'n Treachery Overcome Youth 'n Skill  Ahh wight! Where's my WAM memowy you wascwy wabbitt? AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes. Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. Alarm clock: A machine that scares the daylights into you... Alarm clock: Something that makes people rise and whine... Albatross, get your albatross .... Alexander Graham Bell was a 'phony! Alfred Hitchcooking: Stabbing frozen peas to get them to cook faster... Algebra: What the Little Mermaid wears All answers questioned here. All generalizations are false (this one too) All right, set phasers to deep fat fry! All right, who's been cooking hot dogs in the Warp Drive? All stressed out, and no one to choke. All...Who needs a doomsday virus when we have Windows :-) Alpha testing - CTRL-ALT-DEL, a way of life. Always know where your towel is. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn! Amateur hour: That 60 minutes after the bars close... An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. An ow du I get dis gloo bottle out of my noz? An udder failure: Cow that doesn't give milk... Anatomically Correct beats Policically Correct ANY DAY! And Adam asked "What's a Headache?" And God said: E = mv - Ze/r, and there was light. And I thought *I* had problems! And now a word from our sponsor... And now a word from the NULL device... And now for something completely different... And now... The Larch. And remember: Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo! And they shall plow their swords into beach chairs. And WHAT were those mistakes my parents made? And you thought CHAOS ment rush-hour traffic! Animals are your friends. But they won't drive you home. Annoying: Two people who go right on talking when you're interrupting... Another day, another shaving accident. Another day.. Another job hopelessly botched... Answers: $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb looks: Free! Anyone not wearing #2,000,000 sunblock is gonna have a REAL BAD DAY. Anything that can go wr ... # ^% Bus Error -- Core meltdown Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. Archaeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins... Are Cheerios really donut seeds? Are dog biscuits made from collie flour? Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head. Are you out of my mind? Army food: the spoils of war. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Arsonists of the world, ignite! Artery: Study of fine paintings... As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing! As your Doctor I advise you to drink heavily. ASCII stupid question, get stupid ANSI Astronaut: Whirled traveler... Atheism: A non-prophet organization... Aural sex produces eargasms. AUTOEXEC.BAT = Lee Iacocca as a vampire. Avoid tunnel vision: Wear blindfold in tunnel Awwww its just a Harmless little Bunny! Baby philosophy: If it stinks, change it... Bachelor: One who never makes the same mistake once... Bachelor: One who's footloose and fiance free... Back off man! I'm a programmer... Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find Reverse ! Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic (c)ryalot Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic (s)uicide Backup not found: (A)bort (P)anic (D)iarrhea. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (F)reak Out! Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Bacteria, n.: the only culture some people have. Bacteria: The rear portion of the cafeteria... Bad command or file name. Go sit in corner. Bad command or file name..STUPID! Bad Command or Filename. Or maybe you screwed up. Bad command. Bad, BAD command. Sit! Staaay.... Bad FAT? My hard disk has high cholesterol? Bad habits? I have nun. Bad or missing sysop. Bad Spellers of the World UNTIE! BADGERS? We don't need no steenking BADGERS!-- Raul, _UHF_ Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails... Barnum was wrong....it's more like every 30 seconds! Basic Airline Flying: Keep the pointy end forward Basic programmers never die, they gosub and don't return. Bathing Beauty: A girl worth wading for... Baudy House: Bordello with a modem... Be alert - This country needs lerts. Be careful what you ask for - you may get it! Be careful when slinging mud, you might lose ground! Be excellent to each other & Party On, Dudes. Be wewy wewy quiet...I'm hunting Womulins!! Beam me aboard, Scotty!" -- "A 2' x 4', Sir?" Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room. Beam me up, there's no intelligent life here! Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon! Beep! Invalid Input. I take only cash.... BEER ... It's not just for Breakfast anymore! Behaviorist psychology -- pulling habits out of rats. Belfry: The directory for .BAT files! Bell announces, FREE call waiting*8> BELL RATES: pay an arm & leg to use an ear & mouth Belly Dancers: People who use sign language and stutter... Below Average Pilot: Unequal number of takeoffs and landings... Benign............ What you are after you be eight. Besides, friends don't let friends buy Seagates. Best file compression around! "DEL *.*" - 100% effective. Beware of exploding penguins! Beware of quantum ducks: quark, quark. Bill Gates made $6.3 Billion selling us MS-DOS? Birdy lives. Blame your maker or blame yourself, but don't blame me! Blood is thicker than water. Tastier and more nutritious too. Bombs don't kill people. Explosions do! Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it... Borg Mail Reader v2.1a  Taglines are irrelevent. Borger King: Have it our way. Your way is irrelevant. Borland liked dBase so much they bought the COMPANY Born Free....TAXED TO DEATH! Boss spelled backwards is "double-SOB" Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo! Brain damage? No thanks, I have some already. Brain Disengaged; Call Back Tomorrow. BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding. Bring back Max Headroom! Bring home the bacon? HECK! I Brought the PIG! Bring order to your life, use random numbers. Buccaneer: The price of corn on the cob... BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 2nd Down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! Bugs come in through open Windows. Bulldozer: One who can sleep through a campaign speech... Bunnies hopping backward: A receding hareline... Bureaucat: A kitty who sleeps on your undies... Bushydo: the way of the shrub. But I thought YOU did the backups... But of course, it *is* only my opinion. But soft, what bird through yonder window breaks? But Windows bashing is my job... C = The power of Asm without the flexibility of Asm C Code, C Code run, Run Code Run ! *Please* Run Code ! C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files ^^^oo^^^ C:\DAMSEL.EXE crosslinked w/DISTRESS.COM--RESCUE?(y/n) C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\CRASH C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\AMUCK C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\WINDOWS C:\DOS\RUN\SLOW C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN CA Driving: To Change lanes, first pull out your 9mm.. CA Raisins murdered by Cereal Killer! Film at 11. Cache me if you can . . . Caches to caches, DOS to DOS... Caesarean Section: A district in Rome... Caffeine makes the world go round. California does have its faults. Call me Ishmael. I won't ANSWER, but... Calm down. It's only ones and zeros. Can a blue man sing the whites? Can God make a rock so big He can't lift it? Can I blame my spelling on Line Noise? Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?? Can we get loss of liability insurance insurance? Can't get this drive to backup, forward only operation. Can't see it? It IS there, using Stealth technology. Canadian DOS prompt C:\EH?> Canadian DOS: "Yer sure, eh?" [y/n] Canadian wildlife found here. Captain! Someone has snorted all the dilithium crystals. Captain! The UARTs kenna' take these speeds! Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero! Horace (8 BC) Carpenter: A guy who nails down his agreement... Cat Scan: Searching for kitty... Cat: A small, furry beast resembling a meatloaf... Catastrophe: Award given to the cat with the cutest buns... Catatonic: An aging cat in desperate need for Geritol... Catchup: A hair ball... Caterpillar: A soft scratching post for a kitten... Catifornia: The sunshine State for cats... Catty: An afternoon gathering of gossips... Cause of Death: CRC Error Cauterize: Made eye contact with her... Caution: This stuff is addictive... CAUTION: INCORRIGABLE PUNSTER! DON'T INCORRIGE Censor - a man who knows more than he thinks you should. Cereal port 1 error, frosted flakes NOT found! Change is the only constant in the universe. Chicloexdus: The route taken by a gumball to avoid capture... Childish game: one at which your spouse beats you. Chinese spy: A Peking Tom...  Chipmunks roasting on an open fire...  Circular logic will only get you dizzy. Click..Click..Click..Damn! Out of taglines! COBOL.....(C)ompiles (O)nly (B)ecause (O)f (L)uck Coffee not found: (a)bort, (r)etry, (f)all asleep COFFEE.COM not found: (A)bort, (R)eheat, (S)nooze Coincide: What you do when it starts to rain... Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage... Colic: A sheep dog... Columbus had a fourth ship - it sailed over the edge. Coma: A punctuation mark... Coming soon to a calendar near you, Monday! Coming Soon. Mouse Support for Turbo Edlin! Coming Soon... Turbo Edlin! Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows. Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo! Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!!!! Commentator: An average potato... Computer illiteracy? You mean my computer's supposed to READ? Computer lie #1: You'll never use all that harddrive space. Computers also eliminate spare time. Computers ARE the future. Oh the future looks grim! Confidence is telling someone how to use his Twit Filter. Confuse people: start making sense. Conservatism is the worship of dead revolutions. Conservative: One who's too cowardly to fight, too fat to run... Contains less than 2% U.S. RDA for this echo Contraceptives: Devices to be used on all conceivable occasions... Control-Alt-Delete thyself Convert your 386 or 486 into a Game Boy, run Windows 3.1! Copy from another: plagiarism. Copy from many: research. Copywight 1991 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Corduroy Pillows: Pillows that are making Headlines... Corkscrew: The best thing with which to open a conversation... Cosmetics: A womans' means to keep a man from reading between lines... Cover me. I'm going to change lanes. CPU Pickup Line: (p(, (What's your MHZ?) Cream rises to the top......so do dead fish. Create your own opportunity. Blackmail a senior exec Creative marketing: 15 doughnut shops next to 4 weight loss clinics... Creditors have much better memories than debtors. Crime does not pay... as well as politics. Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. Critical error: (S)hout, (S)mash, (B)uy a mac. Curiosity didn't kill the cat. I got 'im with the mower! Cursor: An expert in four-letter words... CURSOR: What you become when your system crashes. Cyber-Dog food: Kibbles and Bytes, and Bytes and Bytes... Cyclic Redundancy Check: Two locks on the same bicycle... DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... D.A.M.M.: Drunks Against Mad Mothers Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean Dammit, Jim, I'm a floor wax, not a dessert topping! Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of vice-presidents. DANGER! DANGER! Computer Store Ahead, Hide Wallet. **FLASH** Data becomes violently ill with a computer virus. DATA COMPRESSION: What You Get When You Squish An Android DAVE, I REALLY THINK I'M ENTITLED TO AN ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION Daytona Beach: 'I've fallen.....and can't reach my beer!' Deanna tries to read Picard's mind and sees Pontiac. Death: The unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop. Decay, inherent in all component things. Buddha's-last words Denial: A river in Egypt... Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. DESQview: Faster than a Cray (running Windows) Dessert? I'll take a piece of cherry 3.14159! DEVICEHIGH: Your device driver on drugs. Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans. Did Qmodem originate in the Q continuum? Did superman check the coin return slot in phone booths? Did you say MNP means Modem Needs Pizza? Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail. Dilate: To live long... Dinner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza Diplomacy: Saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock... Direct from the Ministry of Silly Walks. Diversity is God's way of amusing himself. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep --R.K.D. Do artificial plants need artificial water? Do files get embarrassed being unZIPped? Do I smoke after sex? I never looked. Do invisible cats drink evaporated milk? Do it now! There might be a law against it tomorrow. Do molecular biologists wear designer genes? Do not disturb -- I'm disturbed enough already. Do not expose this tagline to direct sunlight. Do not remove under penalty of law Do not write in this space! For office use only! Do NOT look into laser with remaining eyeball Do Quarter Horses have only one leg? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? Do something unusual today. Pay my phone bill. Do test tube babies have navels...hmmmmmmmmm..??? Do you ever get the feeling that the computer is pushing YOUR button? Do you feel Lucky, punk??? Do you have too much time on your hands.... DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality. Docs? Why would I want to look at the Docs. Nurses are better :) Documentation - The worst part of programming. Does 'Bad FAT' mean disk has high cholesterol??? Does anybody know what's going on? Does bouncing count? Does LIPO-suction work on a FAT table? DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines. Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows! Don't be a schmuck... BE A SCHMUCK! Don't be held back by yesterday's DOS! Try today's OS/2! Don't believe everything I say. Don't blame me...I voted for myself. Don't blame Ottawa. If I had $600 Billion I'd be irresponsible too! Don't confuse me with facts, my mind is made up! Don't hate yourself in the morning --- sleep until noon! Don't just DO something, STAND THERE! Don't let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. Don't let stress alone kill you off - let someone help! Don't look behind you, they're catching up with you. RUN FASTER! Don't look now but your fly's open!! Don't panic!!! It's supposed to do that... I hope Don't Panic!!! Don't play "stupid" with me - I'm better at it. Don't question authority; it doesn't know either. Don't surround yourself with yourself. Don't take life too seriously, it's not permanent. Don't take life too seriously. It's only temporarily. Don't Think!!!!! SCHEME !!!!! Don't torture yourself...that's my job. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Don't walk through the screen door, you might strain yourself. DON'T STEAL - The government hates competition. Door: Something a cat wants to be on the other side of... DOS = Doesen't Opperate Swiftly DOS is to OS/2 as a bicycle is to a Mack Truck DOS is todays CP/M - Windows is tomorrows CP/M! DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... DOS Tip #213-Add DEVICE=C:\EXXON.SYS to ruin your environment Dos: Venerable. Windows: Vulnerable. OS/2: Viable. DOS: Tells a computer what to do with itself! DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... Double your dipoles. Double your flux. Double your drive space! Delete Windows! Dragons are soooooooooo stupid!! Drive A: not responding.. .Formating C: instead Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded! Dust-balls - The cheap man's tribble. Dyslexic Atheist's believe 'There is no Dog' Dyslexic Christian sells soul to Santa...News at 11 Dyslexics have more fnu. Dyslexics of the world, untie! DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... E = mc 2 dB Eagles fly, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Eany Meany Jelly Beany...The Spirit's are about to speak-Bullwinkle. Earning money would be fun if it wasn't so taxing. Earth is 98% full... Please delete anyone you can. Earth- Mostly Harmless (HHGTG 2nd ed.) Easy as 3.141592653589... Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and die anyway. Eat triticale: 3.56 quadrillion tribbles can't be wrong! Editing is a rewording activity. Egotist: more interested in himself than in me. Egotist: Someone who is always me-deep in conversation... Eh, What's up doc? Electric chairs are period furniture: they end a sentence Elegant Frankfurter - A haute dog Elvis is alive and doing my laundry. Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself. Enema: Not a friend... English is wonderful, when used correctly. ENIGMA - A point to ponder! Enjoy life, you will never get out alive. Enlightenment is only a state of mind. Enough research will tend to support your theory. Enquiring minds already think they know! Enquiring minds couldn't care less! Ensign Singer... Make it sew. Ensign Walnut approaches Dr. Crusher with caution. Entropy isn't what it used to be. Entropy requires no maintenance! Error : (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it Error #0001: COSMOS.CFG Corrupt. Reboot Universe (Y/N): Error #1511: Brain Offline Error 005: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow. Error 141: Too many errors. Error 144: Bit bucket overflow. Error 256: Programmer Deleted. Error 96: Dead mouse in hard drive. Error finding REALITY.SYS - Universe halted. Error locating COLDBEER.CAN SysOp not loaded! Error opening CLINTON.LIE Cannot recover COUNTRY.USA Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) Error reading REALITY.SYS - Universe halted. ERROR LPT1 not found.. use backup - PENCIL & PAPER Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. ERROR: CPU not found ERROR: REALITY.SYS Corrupted -- Universe unrecoverable Essoasso: Guy who cuts through gas station to avoid the red light... Eternity? Straight ahead, turn left at infinity EtherNet: A devithe for catching the Ether Bunny... Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat. Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark. Ever get the feeling someone is watching you? Ever have one of those millennia? Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I... Ever notice that Legos aren't biodegradable ? Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Every day is starting to look like Monday. Every day is the dawn of a new error. Every silver lining has a cloud around it. Every solution breeds new problems. Every time I have all the answers, someone changes the questions! Every time I lose weight, it finds me again! Everyone has photographic memory, some don't have film! Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. Everyone is entitled to my opinion, just ask me... Everything I do is needlessly violent and enormously irresponsible. Everything I have is HUMUNGOUS! Especially my imagination Everything I say is true, and thats a lie Excuse me for butting in, I'm interrupt-driven. Excuse me, while I change into something more formidable. Excuse the spelling, I have been snorting to much code. Experience is directly proportional to ruined equipment. Experience is the comb life gives you after you're bald. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want! Experiencing Synoptical Difficulties, Please Stand By. Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money. Explain counter-clockwise to someone with a digital watch External Storage: A wastebasket... Exxon - greasing the coastline for smoother boating! Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. Fahrvergngen! Say the word! HUH? Falling asleep at the keyboard is called a head crash. Famous words, "Trust me, I'm a consultant." Farfignewton - a long way 'till the next cookie.. Fashion: Something that goes in one year and out the other... Faster than a speeding ticket! FAT TABLE CORRUPT. Please lose weight. Fatal mouse error. (B)ury or (R)eplace? Fatal System Error: (A)bort (R)etry (G)et OS/2 Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it! Felicity: A town inhabited by happy cats... Feline: Opposite of "he" lion... Fer sell cheep: IBM Spel chekker. Wurks grate. Fester: Actor in Gunsmoke... Fibula: Small lie... FIGHT CRIME! SHOOT BACK! File cannot be copied onto itself. File not found "LIFE.DRV", life halted. File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars... File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) File not found....Now you're in the DEEP doodoo! File Not Found. Backup Not Found. Sure you don't want a drink? File Not Found. Loading something that looks similar. File Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ake It? Files not found: Delete user instead? (Y/y)? Finish your backup, and later on we can have Ice Cream! Fish and Ships: What sea monsters eat... Fish are so hard to toilet train. Fishing: A man's way of hiding a drinking problem... Fjord [n] - A make of Norwegian automobile. Flamethrower not included... Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N ? Flying saucers are real. The Air Force doesn't exist. Fold and tear here. Tape closed before mailing. --- For a good time, call 1-800-3IBMOS2 For once I'm at a loss for words. Mark down the date! For Sale: Dehydrated HO - $14 per quart For some Reason, reality is an illusion. For that rundown feeling - jaywalk. For those who have better things to do with their time, but don't care. Forecast for tonight: Dark Forest fires prevent bears. Forget everything, as one day everything will forget you. Forget RTFM..., Phone the Author at home! Forget the Joneses.... I can't keep up with The Simpsons Format Hard Drive: (Y)es, (O)k, (F)ine with me Four minus two is one and the same. Four out five people think the fifth is an idiot. Friction is a drag. Friends don't let friends use DOS 4.xx! Friends don't let friends use Prodigy. Friends don't let friends use Windows. Friends don't let friends use XMODEM! From high a top the flem building it's WKRP in Cincinnatti... From the Department of Redundancy Department From the Desk of the Happy Hacker... Frostbite Falls Minnesota, home of Watsa Matta U. G'day, Bruce! Oh, Hello Bruce! How are you Bruce? Galactic Intelligence Test #1. Avoid contact with humans. Gather 'round like cattle and ye shall be herd. Gee, I wonder what this key does. Gee, Mr. Wizard! Aren't nuclear reactors dangerous? Gee Wiz, I didn't know DOS is that stupid! General Failure reading drive A: Please remove your fist. Get OS/2 2.0 - the best Windows tip around! Get your mind out of the gutter! Also pick mine up please GET REAL! Elvis is DEAD! Accept it! Getting up early is hazardous to your health GI Series: Baseball series for soldiers... Gigolo: A fee male... Gimme, a match, I think my gas tank is empty. Give me a break! I'm a PR major--none of this science and math stuff here. GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error. Given an open book exam, you'll forget the book. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever... Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you! Go ahead, jump. 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong. God as my witness,I really thought turkeys could fly-Arthur Big Guy Carlson God is Dead - Nietzsche ::: Nietzsche is Dead - God God is real, unless declared integer. GOLFER--Yells "Fore!", Takes Five, Writes Down Three. Good Programmers type copy con Program.exe Got DOS 3.3? Downgrade to 4.01 TODAY! Got Kleptomania? Take something for it! Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer. Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management. Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving Grammarians never die-they fall into a comma. Grass growing from sidewalk cracks never turns brown. Grass is nature's way of saying 'High!' Gravity: Not just a good idea. It's the law. Grep me no pattern and I'll tell you no lines. Grits: Cream of Wheat with an attitude... Ground water? Do you mean crushed ice? GUI? Don't step in it! Guilt trips: The nuclear weapon of relationships... Gun control is being able to hit your target! Gypsy dwarf escapes jail: Small medium at large Ha! and you thought you had heard them all! HA! I kill me! Had this been an actual emergency, your spleen would have melted. Ham on rye ... a drunk radio operator! Handwritten on a condom machine; 'This gum tastes funny' Happiness can't buy you money. Happiness is a BIG hard drive! Happiness is a full backup. Happiness is a loud belch. Happiness is a warm modem. Happiness is Being A SysOp... Happiness is oweing the IRS $50,000 when you die Happiness is twin floppies. Happiness is usually measured in GigaBytes. Hard hat area!!!!! Hard work never hurt anyone--but why risk it? Has a room temperature IQ. Has anybody ever found Waldo? Have 8-track, Will Travel. Have a Husky day: 30 below and 5' of snow! Have a nice day!" "No thanks, I have other plans." Have time to waste? Get Microsoft Windows 3.1! Have universal translator, will mumble! Have you actually tasted an airline toilet seat? Have you crashed your Windows today? Have you drug tested YOUR legislators today? Have you ever had to finally decide... Have you ever tried looking at the stars through a squirrel? Have you seen my mind? It wandered again. Have you thanked your SysOp today? Have YOU totaled a Ford ... Lately? HD failure: (A)bort (R)etry (N)egotiate (C)ry HD Recovery: see online documentation.... He ain't heavy; he's a Shareware Author. He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. He is almost a statesman. He lies well. He who has, worries; he who has not, longs. He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke. He who laughs last probably made a backup. He who laughs last uses OS/2. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. He who throws mud loses ground. He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal. He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..... He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his watch! He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me. He's dead Jim. You get the tricorder, I'll get his wallet! He's got a magnet! Everybody stand back! Headaches are all in your mind! Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. Hello dad...I'm in jail and I LIKE IT here! Hello good evening and welcome, to BLACKMAIL! Hello, I am part number ޺۳ݳݳ Hello, is this the party to whom I am speaking? Hello, my serial number is޺۳ݳݳ Hello, Suicide Hotline, Please Hold.. Hello.. Incontinence Hotline.. Can you hold? Help--I'm being held captive by my modem! Help I've fallen and I can't reach my BEER !!! Help me Norton, Help help me Norton.... Help! I've fallen off line and can't hang-up! Help! My computer is holding me prisoner... Help! My keyboard is stuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Heredity: If your parents had no kids, you won't. Hex Dump" - Where Witches put used Curses? Hey, Doc, got anything I can take for kleptomania? Hey, I was 'testing' it for 3 years! Hey, my (fill in the name) doesn't have a 16550 UART! Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! Hey, what's this ALT-227 thing for? Hey, who spilled coffee on my keyboard?! Hey! Who took the cork out of my lunch? Hey! Your Trakball is upside down! Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's Hand Grenades I throw! Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, its off to the institution I go! High insurance rates are what killed dinosaurs. High message: 943432. Message you last read: 59. High thoughts must have high language. Aristophanes History Note: Always put Horace before Descarte. Hmmmm... Now where did I park my Hard Drive Hobbes did it, Mom! Hold on- wait, maybe the answer's looking for you. Home is where the computer is plugged in. Home of the Superconducting Kitty Collider. Home Sweet Home Homework time limit exceeded. Auto logon in effect! Honest teacher. A virus REALLY did eat my homework! Honey, I Formatted the Kid! Honk if you feel better than James Brown Honk if you like obscene gestures! Hot Fudge Sundae falls on a Tuesday this year. Hot water Heaters: Hot water needs heating? How come the AT&T symbol looks like the Death Star? How come wrong numbers are never busy? How did I get here from there? How do frogs die? Ker-mit suicide How do I set my laser printer on stun? How do I set my phaser to tickle? How do you determine the sex of a computer? How do you keep a turkey in suspense? How do you know it's summer in Seattle? The rain's warmer. How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder! How do you spell relief? OS/2! How do you spell RELIEF? DISK_SPACE! How do you straighten a bent pipe? Bend it! How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? How does Teflon stick to pans? How many babies can a motherboard have? How many weeks in a light year? How much does it cost to ride an IO bus? 2 Bits. How much is that wookie in the window? How the deuce d'you deduce that? How to defend yourself against a Banana. How ya going to do it? IBM Blue it! Hozone; Where 1 sock in every load disappears to! I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent! I always have parts left over when working on my car! I always tell the truth. Even if I have to lie to do it. I always use the goodest English. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I kept putting it off... I always watch my speling;sintax, grammer & pointuation I am a mental tourist, My mind wanders! I am committed--or should be. I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. I am he as you are me and we are all together I am immortal, at least till I die. I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. I am looking for an honest man. Diogenes (325 BC) I am not a molecule, I am a free radical! I am not a pornographer. I don't even own a pornograph. I am not antisocial. I'm just not real friendly. I am not responsible for advice not taken! I am not sincere, even when I say I am not. I am not young enough to know everything. I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated. I am schizophrenic, and so am I. I am so smart I make myself sick. I am still in testing, wait until I am released. I am That, you are That, all this is That. I am waiting for my winning Lotto ticket. I AM NOT CONCEITED! I JUST HATE MORTALS. I avoid cliches like the plague. I backed up my hard drive... and smashed into a bus! I BOOTED my computer. Broke my toe! I bought an internal modem, but I can't swallow it. I bought some batteries, but they weren't included I C what you mean. I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up! I Call My Horse Flattery Because He Gets Me Nowhere. I came real close to seeing Elvis, then my shovel broke. I Came, I Saw, I Left. I Came, I Saw, IRAN I can count even higher if I take my shoes off. I can do 2 things at once & I'm not confused . I can eat that taco with 6 squirts of hot sauce. I can help; my fees are reasonable. I can name that file in TWO bytes! I can resist anything but temptation. I can SPELL, I just can't TYPE worth a hoot ! I can't be overdrawn! I still have checks left! I can't believe my computer's on fire. I can't decide between EDLIN and WordPerfect 5.1........ I can't diet for medical reasons, it makes me HUNGRY! I can't help being me...I was born this way. I can't pretend a stranger is a long awaited friend. I can't remember if I used to know that. I can't tell if I'm a kingpin or a pauper! I can't use windows. Mt cat ate my mouse. I cannot afford to waste my time making money! I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!! I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause... I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less. I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lava-try. I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers I DID read the manual... I didn't do it! It's really San Andreas' fault! I didn't get the documentation for the manuals! I didn't lose my mind; it's here somewhere. I didn't write this; a very complex macro did. I don't care about apathy. I don't do Windows, but OS/2 does. I don't get even, I get Odder!! I don't have a solution but I do admire the problem. I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger. I don't know what I like, but I know what art is. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way! I don't like money - but it quiets my spirit. I don't like sex on the telly. I keep falling off. I don't mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy. I don't need directions. I need HELP! I don't think Mr. Ranger is gonna like this, Yogi... I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto. I don't want to be a cynic, but it's hard... I don't want to be literate, I just want to program I Don't do windows. ...I don't have the time! I Don't Want The World, I Just Want Your Half. I DON'T EAT ANYTHING WITH A FACE! I DON'T SPEAK FOR ANYONE INCLUDING MYSELF! I drank what?!? Socrates I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me!! I failed my blood test! I didn't study. I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts. Virgil (19 BC) I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. I feel much better since I gave up hope! I feel the NEED for SPEED!! I Feel Good. I Feel Better Than James Brown. I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW. I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference I forgot where I left my short term memory! I fought the lawn and the lawn won... I get the news I need on the weather report. I give it 95 for the beat and 98 for the lyrics... I give up, what is the meaning of life? I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory. I got mercury poisoning, it's fatal & it don't get better... I gotta bad feeling about this... I hacked mainframes before there were pc's! I had a life once... but now I have a modem. I had a thought, and I lost it.. nothing new. I had one just like it ... only different. I hang around where the grass is greener... I hate Saturdays I HATE it when it does that! I have a YEN for things like that I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it. I have a list, they will never be missed ... I have a photographic memory. What's your name again??? I have a speech impediment . . . my foot. I have an important role as a bad example. I have an open mind: My brains keep falling out! I have but three enemies: fear, anger, ignorance. I have found power in the mysteries of thought. Euripides I have more than enough of almost everything. I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it well. I have no mouth, and I must burp. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. I have not yet begun to byte! I have NOT lost my mind. It's on disk somewhere! I have nothing to say, but I can say it loudly. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. I have that file, it's right he........ I have the greatest enthusiasm for the mission - HAL 9000 I have to stop now. My fingers are getting hoarse. I havent lost my mind its backed up on tape.. I hit my CRTL key but I'm STILL not in control.... I idiot-proof my programs, but along comes a bigger idiot. I is knot dain bramaged!!! I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! I just found the last bug! I just got pulled over by the L.A.P.D. and boy am I beat. I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! I just keep my eyes closed and hope the best I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. I just tested out my pit bull. Ever heard a mime scream? I just took an IQ test. The results were negative. I keep putting off procrastination & get nowhere I knew it was a bad crash, when the FAA called. I know and I know you know I know. I know I'm going to miss her, a tomato ate my sister. I know it all. I just can't remember it simultaneously. I know my mind. And it's around here someplace. I know someone with the exact same name! Really? Who? I know the combination to your locked baud rate.. I know this is off-topic, but... I laughed, I cried, I fell down,... I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. I like my coffee black... as a moonless night. I like to enter messages from the Asylum computer. I like to leave messages *before* the beep. I Like to help you out, which way you come in? I live in my own world... Peaceful visitors welcome... I lost a button hole today. I love Standards, there are so many of them! I Love Animals......They're Delicious! I Love Toxic Waste I lurk quietly and carry a big OFF/ON switch. I make my own reality..... I may look busy, but I'm just confused! I meant what I said --- I think. I multitask. I read in the bathroom! I need Windows like a haemophiliac needs heart surgery! I never buy books on impulse. Only on warp. I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. I only drink when I'm alone or with someone. I only wish my mouth had a BACKSPACE key! I Only See In Infrared. I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go... I parked my hard disk - and got a ticket! I parked my hard drive and it got towed away! I parked my Hard drive, and now I can't find it! I passed my ethics course. I cheated, of course... I plan to live forever, or die trying. I played poker with tarot cards-got a flush & 5 people died. I plead not guilty by reason of computer-induced insanity. I put on women's clothing, And hang around in bars. I quit drinking/smoking/& sex once. Very boring 15 minutes. I read so much about risks of drinking, I gave up reading I read the DOC's...is this English? I REALLY HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TYPE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person. I remember now / I remember how it started. I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars. I resemble that remark.... I said it! Oh! I said it again! I said MAYBE and that's final! I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO. I saw it on the radio. I Saw better conversations in alphabet soup.  I see how their eyes are gathered into one  I see that your second lobotomy finally took hold. I shot an arrow in the air... And it STUCK! I should have BBSed all night... I show a clear pattern of unpredictability. I smashed a Window and saw... OS/2. I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it? I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now. I still don't remember, why I hated it. I stumbled over a stone and took it for granite. I TAUGHT MY DUCK TO SAY ".QWK .QWK" I think he's a couple bushels shy of a full crop I think he's a couple keys short of a concert piano. I think he's a couple of cans short of a six-pack. I think he's a couple of ticks past the noon whistle. I think he's a couple sharps short of B Major. I think he's a few bars short of a finished symphony. I think he's a few bricks short of a whole wall. I think he's a few bytes short of a checksum. I think he's a few channels short of Basic Cable I think he's a few croutons short of a garden salad. I think he's a few pipes short of a church organ. I think he's a few strings short of a violin section. I think he's one taco short of a combination platter I think he's playing his oboe with just one reed. I think he's playing solitaire with a pinochle deck. I think he's playing the lead violin part on a viola. I think he's playing the old five-string guitar. I think, therefore I think I am. I think. I think I will plan being spontaneous tomorrow I think it was Oscar Wilde who once said... I think, therefore I am (or am I?). I think, therefore I am overqualified. I think, therefore I am... dangerous, that is... I think, therefore I am... I think. I Think I know why they're called roach clips,POT holder was already taken I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong... I THOUGHT I WAS WRONG O N C E! (but I was mistaken) I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid! I tried snorting coke ... and almost DROWNED! I tried to contain myself, but I escaped! I tried to drown my problems but they can swim! I tried to play my shoehorn, but all I got were footnotes. I use OS/2 2.0 and I don't care who knows! I use Windows... on my car, on my house, on my... I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused. I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass. I used to trust the media to tell me the truth. I used to write, but now I message. I vote that you add it to the disclaimers in the report. I want to be a veterinarian because I love children. I want to hear you scream..in pain. Play some Rap music I wanted to be... A *LUMBERJACK*! I was a snowball in hell. I was a tall person before I used PKZIP...! I was born this way! What's your excuse? I was born to Code, Compile, Link, Test, Debug! I was gonna be a barber but neurosurgery pays better I was here and you were gone, now your here and I'm gone! I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! I was on a roll, 'till I slipped on the butter. I was sane once... didn't like it. I was the next door kid's imaginary friend. I wasn't picking my nose ... I was scratching. I wasn't there; I didn't do it; you can't prove it. I welcome criticism write yours here _______ I went mad once. Did me a world of good. I went window shopping...and bought OS/2! I will always love the false image I had of you. I will not get very far with this attitude. I wish I was a Klingon. I want a lumpy head. I wish life had a scroll-back buffer. I won't use Windows, I won't use Windows, I won't... I wonder what Mr. Ed would do. I wonder what this button does.... I work with User-Surly Software. I would like to buy a fish licence, please. I would save the whales if knew where to put them. I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine. I'd be smarter if you knew enough to teach me... I'd enjoy the day more if it started later. I'd give everyone a Twinkie, but I'm not a Hostess.. I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. I'd go on welfare, but I'm not used to living that well!! I'd like some JUNK FOOD...then I want to be ALONE. I'd put it on my to-do list,but I can't count that high I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy! I'd Say More But I've Run Out of Time & Space. I'd strongly oppose apathy, if I cared I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise. I'll be Bach.- Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger I'll be lost in the ozone for a while. I'll be unstopable when I get started... I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead. I'll bet you're wondering who wrote this quote. I'll buy THAT for a dollar. I'll byte your bits if you'll nybble my words! I'll call you back, my call-waiting's beeping! I'll do it tomorrow, quit calling me a procrastinator! I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast and juice. I'll have to think twice before I give it a second thought... I'll have what the gentleman on the floor is having. I'll nibble if you'll byte. I'll only bite if you want me to! I'll panic if I want to....... I'll play fair if I get to make up the rules. I'll take tuna on rye, hold the mercury. I'll try anything once too often. I'm *not* paranoid! (Who wants to know?) I'm a 10th generation A.I. holographic computer. I'm not your Mum! I'm a analog man in a digital world. I'm a belligerent omnivore -- I eat vegetarians. I'm a brain in a vat. Are you one too? I'm a confirmed sexist. I prefer sex! I'm a consultant because I'd rather be self-unemployed. I'm a figment of your imagination. I'm a licensed Smurf stomper! I'm a Loony Tune Muso - What's YOUR Disability????? I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK! I'm a modemer and I'm OK. I post all night and I sleep all day. I'm a perfectionist with other people's work. I'm a single-tasking, single-threaded guy. I'm a very modest person. And damn proud of it. I'm a workaholic who resisted a rest. I'm afraid I can't do that Dave.. I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared. I'm an OS/2 developer...I don't NEED a life! I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar! I'm BeetleJuice... the Ghostist with the Mostist! I'm broad-minded. I hardly think of anything else. I'm Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up Collective? I'm busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes. I'm Crazy but not Stupid.. I think.... I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. I'm excessively annoying. I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me! I'm feeling homicidal. Say anything! I'm firm. You're obstinate. He's a pigheaded fool. I'm flexible... just don't change anything. I'm friends of the Daniels brothers..... Jack and Charlie!!! I'm from the government. I'm here to help you. I'm getting better but I forgot the subject!! I'm glad we don't get all the government we pay for. I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal. I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you? I'm GREAT at immaturity. I've been practicing for decades. I'm hardware and don't know anything about software. I'm having one of those decades. I'm Having A Ball Doing Nothing At All. I'm here because I'm not all there. I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Dont Walk. I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere? I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it? I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - soon. I'm just a peripheral visionary. I'm just here for moral support. Ignore the gun. I'm just needling you about the thread I'm just trying out this . It seems a bit small. I'm losing my thought of train.... I'm Losing More Than I Ever Had. I'm lost, but I'm still making pretty good time! I'm lost in a Batch of BATs. I'm mad as heck....where's the check! I'm mad at you because you were someone else. I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me. I'm more humble than you are! I'm much too young to feel this darn old I'm multitasking, not multiuser. Tell my boss. I'm neither for, nor against, apathy. I'm no housewife, try Domestic Engineer! I'm not 32, I'm 18 with 14 years experience! I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. I'm not a crook; I'm "ethically challenged." I'm not a dictator. It's just that I have a grumpy face. I'm not a minority. I'm an outnumbered majority! I'm not a witch doctor-- I'm only a folk medic. I'm not an acronym... I'm a human being! Err... Oops. I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV. I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT! I'm not as think as you stoned I am. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. I'm not Canadian, although I tend to like their bacon. I'm not Cheap - Just Frugal. I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed. I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged. I'm not dead yet! I think I'll go for a walk. I'm not in a hurry; I just want to get in front of you. I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged." I'm not lost - just misguided. I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm not old I'm chronologically disadvantaged. I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right! I'm not paranoid. That's a rumor spread by my enemies. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you that? I'm not Schizophrenic! Yes I am! No I'm Not! Who are you? I'm not short, I am Vertically challenged. I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not going! I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T. I'm not young enough to know everything I'm on the see-food diet - see food, eat it! I'm only happy when I worry about stuff. I'm only here for the salad bar. I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? I'm practicing assertiveness. Do you think that's okay? I'm reading this by the warm glow of my dog. I'm really sorry about always saying I'm really sorry. I'm so broke I can't even pay attention I'm so close to hell I can almost see Vegas! I'm so confused.... I'm so nervous, yesterday I got a fingernail transplant! I'm SO nice, that when I step in it I don't say it. I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins. I'm sorry I've been indulging in creative forgetting. I'm sorry -- my karma ran over your dogma. I'm sorry, you are not cleared for this information. I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. I'm sorry. Thank you for playing. Next contestant. I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. I'm standing! And I can't fall down! I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's I'm sure that I'm confused about being sure.. I'm telling you, they are EVERYWHERE! I'm the leader, which way did they go? I'm trying to find myself. Has anyone seen me lately? I'm unsafe at any speed. I'm usually awake near the end of the day. I'm waitin' fo' 20Mb FLOPPIES. Right On! I'm waiting for the 50 mhz 686. I'm waiting for Windows v4.0! I'm warning you! One step closer and I'll drop carrier! I'm working on my 2nd $million... Gave up on the 1st. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. I've been scheduled for a karma transplant. I've crashed and I can't boot up! I've got 1,2,3,4,5 - senses working overtime. I've got a Mickey Mouse PC with a Goofy operating system. I've got a piece of brain lodged in me head! I've got a swell idea -- let's put on a show! I've got an Invisible Touch...whatever the hell that is. I've got morals; I just don't know where they are. I've got to take a break or I'll start talking to myself! I've got too many hands on my time! I've had a difficult past few lives. I've had a hard drive, think I'll crash. I've had BETA days ... and BETA nights!!! I've had just about all I can take of myself. I've never fallen in love...but I stepped in it once! I've plummeted to my death and I can't get up! I've told you MILLIONS of times, don't exaggerate! IBM - (I)nferior (B)ut (M)arketable. IBM - Making tomorrow's mistakes Today! IBM PS/1? A Prodigy Workstation! IBM: When you care enough to spend the very most. IBM: You can buy better,but you can't pay more ICBM = Start of the daily routine for an Eskimo. Ice not found, pour straight to continue. Icon see clearly now, the pane is gone... If "R" is Reverse, how come "D" is FORWARD? If (stone != rolling) moss++; If $$$ doesn't grow on trees, why are they green? If a program is useful, it must be changed. If a tree fell on a florist, would he make a sound? If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? If all else fails, read the directions! If all goes well, you've overlooked something! If all is not lost, then where is it? If all the world's a stage, I sure got lousy seats. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0. If at first you don't succeed, change the rules! If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, give up. If at first you don't succeed, join the club. If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. If at first you dont succeed.. read the book! If At First You Don't Succeed Call The Author. If At First You Don't Succeed Ignore The Docs. If Clinton is the answer, the question must be stupid. If Corn Oil Is Made From Corn, What's Baby Oil Made From? If E=MC, how many watts do my speakers take? If ET married Peter Cetera, would he then be ET Cetera ? If everyone lived forever, where would we all park!? If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane! If flies couldn't fly, would they be called walks? If Glass=Empty .AND. Thirsty Then OpenTuborg If guns are outlawed, can we use swords? If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a Porsche? If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a BMW? If I could, I would, but I can't, so I won't If I didn't know now what I didn't know then If I follow you home, will you keep me? If I had a Life I would be living it. If I had known it was harmless I would have killed it myself. --PKD If I knew what was in it, I probably wouldn't eat it. If I now have egg on my face, please pass a washcloth! If I only had one more teragigadactylbyte.. If I only had something to do with my life!?! If I save the whales, where do I keep them? If I save time, when do I get it back ? If I was human I would..Wait a minute! I AM Human If I were dead, I wouldn't be alive! If I were two faced, would I wear this one? If I were you, who'd be me? If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? If it ain't broke, break it! If it ain't broke, hit it harder. If it ain't broke, kick it harder! If it ain't broke, wait a day or two!! If it ain't broke, you CAN'T fix it! If it ain't one thing, it's two or three... If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. If it isn't good, may it be struck by lightning. Again! If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing. If it looks easy, it's tough. If it moves so SLOW, why is it called Rush Hour? If it was easy, it wouldn't be any fun. If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL! If it works, Don't fix it. If it works, I didn't do it. If it works, rip it apart & find out WHY ! If it works, something went wrong. If it's glowing, don't eat it... If it's in stock, we've got it! If it's Monday it must be meatloaf! If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. If it's tourist season, where do I get a license? If it's useless and does nothing, call it v1.0 If it's working OK, then something's GOTTA be wrong! If It's Bug Free, It's Time to Make Changes. If life deals you a bad hand, ask for a reshuffle!! If life is a bowl of cherries, throwing stones is ok. If life is but a dream please wake me up. If little else, the brain is an educational toy. If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws! If my disk crashes do I require autoexec insurance? If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. If nobody uses it, there's a reason. If not for us, you might have done something constructive. If nothing can go wrong, something will ! If only Einstein had a 486DX-33.... If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on. If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns. If rich, eat when you please. If poor, eat when you can. If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire!! If seeing is believing, some skeptics wouldn't look. If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond? If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags? If speed scares you, buy Windows 3.1! If speed scares you, try Micro$oft Windows. If the limit was 250, there'd be no speeders... If the people lead, the leaders will follow. If the shoe fits, buy it. - Imelda Marcos If the shoe fits, it's not government issue. If the world is a stage, I have stage fright! If there is a harder way to do something - I'll find it! If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? If this is paradise, I wish I had a lawn mower If this statement wasn't here,This space would be left intentionally blank If this were an actual , it would be funny. If this were the Soviet Union you'd be reading this in Russian. If tree fell on florist, would he make sound? If voting could bring change, it would be illegal. If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy! If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane. If Windows sucked it would be good for something. If winning isn't important; then why keep score? If worms carried 45's, what would the early bird do?? If you ain't got it then you ain't communicatin'. If you ain't Moslem, you ain't Shiite. If you are searching for yourself. Find a mirror first! If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone. If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. If you can kill a snake with it, it ain't art. If you can read this, you're too close. If you can still hear the music, it's not loud enough! If you can't be famous, try infamous. If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER? If you can't do it well, enjoy doing it badly. If you can't document it, it isn't true. If you can't elucidate, obfuscate. If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else. If you can't fix it call it a feature. If you can't get a job, get a senate appointment!!! If you can't keep it up, move over! If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll laugh at you. If you can't make it good, make it big. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic. If you cannot convince them...confuse them!!! If you come any closer introduce yourself! If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion. If you could get there from here you wouldn't want to. If you didn't know what it was, you wouldn't have called. If you don't care where you're at, you ain't lost! If you don't cook you get a raw deal every meal! If you don't get it first,you don't get it all If you don't know the answer....make one up! If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!! If you don't vote, don't complain... If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. If you have to ask what Jazz is, you'll never know. If you hear an Onion ring, please answer it! If you leave the room, you're elected. If you order extra cheese on a pizza do you really get it? If you pay peanuts, do you get monkeys? If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk? If you really want to know, you won't ask me. If you redo a batch file, is it a son of a batch? If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it. If you say nothing no one can make you repeat it If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast. If you stand up to be counted someone will take your seat. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance! If you think Windows is slow, try Norton DeskTop! If you throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter? If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it. If you wait, it will go away. If you wake up Sleepy & Grumpy, you must be Snow White. If you want it done right, forget Microsoft. If you want it, press [esc] now! If you want my advice, pay me! If you want to cheer up, cheer up someone. If you want your name spelt wrong, die. If you wish to know more, press CTRL-ALT-DEL. If You Choose Not To Decide You Still Have Made A Choice If you're 1 in 1 million, there's 2500 of you. If you're gonna wake a Tiger - use a LONG STICK! If you're not the lead dog, everything looks the same! If you're trying to drive me crazy, you're too late! If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen 'em all. If your behind is in front, you turned around! If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down. If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. IF %PRICE%!==LIST! KEEP SHOPPING. IF KidsPerFamily > 2 THEN Ecological.Crime = TRUE IF YOU DON'T DRIVE...DRINK. If(ThisDay()!=MyDay)DosSleep(UntilNextDay); Igloo [n], Material used to keep an ig from falling apart. Ignorance is bliss... so life's great if you are ignorant Ignorance is temporary; Stupidity lasts forever!!! Ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care. Ignore the man behind the screen. Ignore your health and it will go away. ILLITERATE? Write for a free brochure... Im looking for an Al, last name Choholic.. Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality! Impeach Clinton...and her husband! Impossible - adj. Nailing Jello to a tree. In ((STEREO)) where available. In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal In adversity remember to keep an even mind. Horace (8 BC) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. In case of emergency read manual. In case of rapture, please grab the wheel. In Case of Fire, Log off Promptly. In every revolution there is one man with a vision. In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don't need it. In plumbing, a straight flush is better than a full house! In the dark, all cats are gray. In the end Gravity Wins.. Dolly Parton.. In the fight between you and the world, bet on the world - F. Zappa In the game of life, father time always wins In the winter you lose your body; in the summer you lose your mind. IN THE COMPUTER ROOM, no one can hear you SCREAM! Inaccuracy can save a lot of explanation. Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF Incoming fire has the right of way. Indecision Clouds My Vision. Individualists unite! Inevitability is my first goal as a writer. Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another. Inflation has gone up about a dollar a quart. Inflation is a result of legalized counterfeiting. Insanity is all in the mind Insanity is fun if you do it right. Insanity is hereditary: you get it from your kids. Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready. Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over. Installation recommended (not included). Insufficient memory for Macintosh users. Insufficient resourses : insert Wallet into drive A: ... Intense : Where campers hang out. Invertebrates make no bones about it. IQ Error: Brain Not Ready (A)bort (R)etry (F)orget it.. Iraqi Bingo: B-52...F-16...M-1...F-18...F-117...A-10... Iraqi rifle for sale... Never fired... Dropped once. Is :-> a C++ operator or what? Is "Floppy" one of the seven dwarfs? Is a Transcontinental Auto Trip a Hard Drive? Is acid rain really a form of hippy manna? Is an idiotic sergeant a noncompoop? Is beer like Champagne? Is Darth Vader YOUR father, too? Is death legally binding? Is it just me, or is my monitor breathing? Is it weird in here, or is it just me? Is OS/2 only half an operating system? Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? Is there a lawyer is the house? -=}BLAM{=- Any more? Is there a patient in the house? Is there a tax exemption for codependents? Is there life before coffee? Is There Intelligent Life in the Universe? Is this some more of that Trombonist's humor? Is this what you intend to do with your life? Is This Where a "" Goes? IS anyone out THERE HELLO,HELLO Isn't shrimp on a Barbie a bit kinky? It all makes sense if you take every other word... It always happens, but we never expect 'the unexpected' It can't be full...I STILL HAVE SUBDIRECTORIES ! It changed my life, it was good, the end. It did WHAT? - Well, it's not *supposed* to do that. It doesn't work, but I'm working on it. It don't get much better than this folks. It got better when the Swedish Bikini Team came. It has no advantage to argue with the teacher. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night. It is better to wear out than to forget. It is better to wear out than to rust out. It is far safer to be feared than loved. Machiavelli It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. It is when I struggled to be brief that I became obscure. It just doesn't get any better than this. Ok, maybe it does... It makes a difference whose ox is gored. Martin Luther It may be GUI but you still can't eat it! It only rang twice...then the dog answered.. It only takes a small oven to produce a half-baked idea. It only works when you're not looking. It said, "Insert Disk #3", but only 2 would fit It shall be said: He died as he had lived: In his sleep. It sounds like a coded message for help - Dr. Johnny Fever It stinks more every time you run over a skunk. It takes 2.0, baby, it takes 2.0... It takes a long time to understand nothing. It takes a wise man to recognize a wise man. Xenophanes It takes years to become an overnight success. It was a stark and dormy night ... It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines... It works better if you plug it in THEN turn it on! It's 10:00. Do you know what time it is? It's 11pm, do you know where your modem is? It's a chain saw. I always carry one for emergencies. It's a dead man's party...Who could ask for more? It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk-Bone shorts. It's a gnarly day in the neighborhood... It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. It's Alive. Well, not REALLY, but it was pretty scary, huh. It's always darkest at the top of the stairs. It's always darkest when the light bulb has blown. It's always harder to pave the way for others! It's always someone else's problem anyway ... It's back...and it's got a gun. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. It's called getting it in the NEC It's deja vu all over again. It's easier to do good then be good. It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser It's Easier to Put on Slippers. Then To Carpet The World. It's either very early or very late. It's Ensign Pillsbury! He's BREAD, Jim! It's funny because *I* said it! It's getting better all the time. It's great to do nothing and rest afterward. It's hard to type when you gotta go Baaaad... ummmmm... It's kind of fun doing the impossible. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. It's my idea 'cause I stole it first! It's never too late to have a happy childhood! It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice. It's not cute being this easy. It's not if you win or lose, but how you place the blame. It's not just a hobby, it's an adventure! It's not just a phone line, it's $5.70 a month. It's not pretty being easy. It's NOT the principle of the thing, it's the money. It's okay to laugh in the bedroom, but don't point. It's probably a bad day when, you find a dead fish in your underwear. It's someone else's fault! It's STILL not weird enough for me!!! It's The First MOOD RING : It's time for them to go. It's too bad ignorance isn't painful. It's who you look like, not who you are. It's Wise To Know Enough To Not Know Too Much It`s not how hard it rains but how fast you drive. Itch for fame? Use powder daily. Its a dogma-eat-dogma world! Its fatal to be appreciated in one's own time. Its GOOD to be the King! (Mel Brooks) Its never as easy as the manual says it is! Its not for everyone, so what are you doing here Jesus Saves! Passes to Moses, He shoots. He SCORES! Jimi Hendrix's modem was a Purple Hayes. Jimmy Dean --- Rebel Without a Sausage. Johnson & Johnson : ۰ "ouch" Jumbo Shrimp?! Let's think about that. Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise .. Junk: Stuff we throw away. Stuff: Junk we keep. Just 'cause it won't work; YOU think its buggy Just another prisoner of gravity!! Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating Just because you say it doesn't make it true. Just because your paranoid, Don't mean they're not after you Just call on me, and I'll send it along....... Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here. Just exactly how much 'Whiz' is in Cheese Whiz? Just My Opinion (But I'm Right!) Just say NO! to Pc Tools... Just some extemporaneous personal communication Just wait until I reply to YOUR reply! Just when I make ends meet, someone moves one end. JUST ANOTHER INMATE IN THIS ASYLUM! JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING DAVE? JVC-the Northgate of the VCR world Keep honking...I'm reloading Keep out of reach of children. Keep your city clean...eat a pigeon. KENNEDY COMPOUND - KEEP OUT - TRESPASSERS WILL BE VIOLATED Kermit the frog meets Xmodem the bird... Keyboard locked...Press F1 to continue Keyboard not attached. Press F10 to continue Keyboard not found...THINK F1 to Continue. Keyboard: a device for entering mistakes into a computer. Kill the wabbit!!! Kill the wabbit!!! Kill two birds with one stone? What happend to shotguns? Know a good chiropractor? My computer has a slipped disk. Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers. Knowledge is knowing that you don't know. Known to be addictive. La. where the chemicals meet the water. Laddie, d'ye think ye might like to rephrase that? Ladies & Gentlemen, Elvis has left the building. Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure. Lady Macbeth to her dog: "Out, damned Spot!" Lampoon - a device for harpooning lambs LANmine A server on the verge of crashing. Last 2 words of the national anthem - PLAY BALL! Last time I felt this good was 9AM - about 12 years ago. Later, dude. Latest conspiracy theory: Humpty Dumpty was pushed!!! Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot. Laughter lubes lifes engine. Law is order, and good law is good order. Aristotle LAWFUL,adj. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction. Lawyer - the larval form of Politician. Lead me not into temptation; I'll find my own way. Leak proof seals-will, self-starters-won't. Learning unix via man | pg Leave me alone. I'm tired. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights. Leprechauns hide in Twinkies. Lern two spel. Les Nesman: Born to be mild... heck on wheels! Less filling! Less is more. Lesson #1, don't fry bacon in the nude Let him who is stoned cast the first sin. Let me go home and start over.... Let me outta here. TRON is catching up to me. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Let overwhelming ambition be your coach. Let there be CLOVE (of Garlic) in your LIFE. Let your fingers do the talking. Let your speech be better than silence. Let's all get together and sing pumpkin carols. Let's see here...--...Oh no!Oops Let's talk about him in front of his back! Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission. Liars when they speak the truth are not believedAristotle Liberal (n): Anyone who disagrees with you. Lieutenant, is there a six foot bat in Gotham City? Life being what it is, I dream of revenge Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity. Life eludes logic. Life is a first draft....with NO rewrite. Life is a series of rude awakenings. Life is but a dream Life is full of little surprises - Pandora Life is full of undocumented features! Life is like .......... an analogy. Life is like Jazz, it should be improvised. Life is never simple, but we pretend it is. Life is one long struggle in the dark. Lucretius (55 BC) Life is one situation you'll never get out of alive! Life is short, eat dessert first!! Life is too short to drink cheep wine. Life is too short to learn Z-Modem ! Life is uncertain - buy the luxuries first! Life it seems, will fade away... Life support system warranty expired!!! Life was so much easier before law school Life with pets is never dull. Life without learning is death. Cicero Life would be easier if I had the source code ... Life... don't talk to me about life. Life...too many questions damn few answers. Life: what happens while you're making other plans. Life! Don't talk to me about life! Life's a batch and then your hard drive dies! Life's a joke, and we're the punchline. Life's a rut, don't get caught in a deep one! Life's A Beach And We're Just Surfing Time! Light is square; darkness is round. Light speed! Ridiculous speed! Ludicrous speed! Light travels at the speed of thought. Lighten up, dude! Life's too short.... Lighten up guys! It was just a joke... Lightning & elephants do as they please! Like I said, It never hurts to ask! Liposuction will destroy your FAT. Listen carefully, I'm lying! Live by the sword, die by the long bow. Live from New York, it's SATURDAY NIGHT! Live from Omaha - ... I'm bored!!! Live long and Prosper,... (belch) 'scuse me. Live long enough to be a burden to your kids! Live Long and Perspire. LIVE! Via modem... Living it up in life! Living on Ramen noodles, Vitamin C, and Caffeine... Living proof that beautiful mutants exist among us. Living with saints is tougher than being one. Lizzie Borden.... America's FIRST hacker! Line nois@$e?? What line noise?? Load it, run it, guru it? Loan someone a sympathetic ear. Lock on to that explosion and fire! Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell BAD! Logic: 1+1= 11, 2+2= 22, 3+3=6 Logical solutions are not always the most obvious. Loitering with intent to hesitate. Long Live the Copernican Revolution!!!! Look at all the Indians! - G. Custer Look closer, most things are more than just the sum of their parts. Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes... Look, it's trying to think. Look Ma, no point!! Look, mom: No disk drive! Look, mom: No keyboard! Look, mom: No memory! Look, mom: No Modem! Look, mom: No monitor! Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Look out for number one. But don't step in number two! Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls Look to the Son, and shadows will fall behind you. Look up BBS in the dictionary and our number will be there. LOOK DAVE, I CAN SEE YOU'RE REALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS. Look. Up in the sky. It's a bird...It's a bird! Looking for more? Getting more! Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. Looks like it's safe in here for a while? Loop: goto loop Loose Yolks Kill Folks - Jersey Egg Enforcement Police Lord, give me patience... and I need it NOW! Lord give me patience......But Hurry! Lose weight - eat stuff you hate. Loser: Guy who plays Monopoly and is mugged on Boardwalk. Losing Lottery tickets sold here. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. Love comes for you, and you follow. Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. Love is grand. Divorce is fifty grand. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. Love-Lust 'Whats the Difference ?' (at 3 in the morning) Love means an unlimited charge card! Love thy neighbour - but don't get caught! LSD: Virtual reality without the expensive hardware! LUCIFERnet Ambassador to Europe. LUCIFERnet raising HEll coast to coast! Lurk, lurk, Lurk. Luv the Bozos of the world.... they're scarce! M.A.D.D.: Modems Against Display Drivers. Maas Bioware - Can't get it out of your head Mac, adj. The excuse for not wanting to learn computing. Mac screen message: "Like, dude, something went wrong." Macho does not prove mucho - Zsa Zsa Gabor Macintosh error message: "Weird disk error" MacIntosh: Computer With Training Wheels You Can't Remove MACINTOSH: Machine Always Crashes If Not OS Hangs Mad at your neighbor? Buy his kid a drum! Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. Madness takes its toll; please have exact change. MAFIA DOS..Ey'What's A Matta You? Wanna Try Again (Y/n)? Magicians are a vanishing species. Mail your ideas written on the back of a $20 bill to... Make a living, but make room for life. Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker Make friends with sysops; page them at 3:00 am. Make headlines! Use a corduroy pillow. Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler. Make it idiot proof, and someone will make a better idiot! Make it so. Make love, not war; get married and do both! Make my day, kill a GUI today. Make rice, not war. Make that two hearing aids, straight up! Make your own XT! Run your 486 under Windows! Makes Eddie Murphy blush with its RAW language. Making a living selling lemonade. Man, honest. Will take anything. Man is by nature a political animal. Aristotle Man looks into the abyss, and sees himself. Man made Booze. God made Grass. Who do you trust? Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health. Man of Steel hates industrial electromagnets. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Man who fights with wife all day, gets no piece at night. Manual Labor. Isn't he the Vice Pres. of Mexico? Manual? What manual? This is UNIX! Many are cold, few are frozen. Many are educated...few are learned. Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it... Marriage = begging for money for upgrades! Marriage is not a word but a sentence. Mars ain't the kind of place to raise the kids Mars needs Women -- No experience required!!! Marshmallow salespeople learn the soft sell. Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was surprised. MASOCHIST: Windows SDK programmer with a smile! Mason-Dixon: Line that separates y'all from youse-guys. Masquerading as a man with a reason... Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy. Master of images, songs shine a light on you. May all your PUSHes be POPed. May cause excitability, especially in children. May I call myself bad names and stomp upon ALL my toes! May the bugs of many programs nest on your hard drive. May the Farce be with you! May the FORCE be with you May thy Pipes be created on floppies May you live in interesting times. May your computer grow ears and start listening. May your computer grow hands and massage your feet. May your resume be used on the "Tonight Show" monologue! Maytag is my middle name; I'm an agitator. Me, indecisive? I'm not so sure about that. Me opinionated? . . . Nah! Meaning of life: Meaningless quotes a specialty. Measure with micrometer, mark with chalk, cut with axe Medical definition: Barium. What you do if CPR fails. Medical definition: Dilate. To live too long Medical staff..... A doctor's cane. Megahertz--when something is really painful. Member ACNE: Anonymous Computer Nerds Eclectic Member, the Society for Creative Anachronism. Member: L.C.W.T. (Louisiana Crawfish Wrestling Team). Memory Overload Error ... Meltdown Evident Memory--What you forget with..... MEMORY ERROR: Now what? Men invented computers to drive women crazier! Men willingly believe what they wish. Julius Caesar Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Mental tangibility has been achieved...go figure. Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence. Mercury poisoning, the best kept secret in the West... Message contents may settle during downloading. Message contents may settle during shipping. Message contents may settle during uploading. Message too long for screen - Press Enter Meta-physics is meta-difficult. Metaphors be with you. Mickey Mouse wears a Dan Quayle watch. Microbiology Lab: STAPH ONLY! Microsecond: Amount of time needed for a program to bomb. Microsoft is a bunch of !Cs Mie spel czecher iz awn the phritz. MilliHelen: Amount of beauty required to launch one ship. Millions for comfort. Not one cent for truth. Millisecond: Delay between a green light and honking horns Mind full of trivia. No room left for real knowledge. Minds are like parachutes; they function only when open. minimalist tagline Minor operation... Coal digging. Miracle Software, Inc. 'If it works, it's a Miracle!' Misfortune shows those who are not friends. Aristotle Misquote!! 10 yard penalty, loss of down! Missed it by that much. " " Missing COLDBEER.BUD - SysOp not loaded! Missing your cat? Look under my car tires! MISSING: Tagline, 70 characters long, last seen in Nevada. Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting.  OH NO, a worm in my Hard-drive! MIXED emotions is when your kid gets an "A" is sex class. Miyazawa to Bush: 'Your dinner is on me!' Mmmm, mmmm, good! Well, I think so, anyway. Modem A great deterrent to phone solicitors Modem, Larrydem, Curlydem. Modem not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)oto bed? Modem Police...we clocked you at over 1600 cps. MODEM - Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine Modems are proof that people enjoy torturing themsevles Modemus Operandi, torture the data till it confesses Moderating in Moderation Modesty is a *vastly* overrated virtue... Mom said I'd have days like this - but THIS MANY?? Mommy, why is Daddy so pale? Shaddap and dig! Monday is a hard way to spend 1/7 of yourlife Monday is the root of all evil! MONDAY: The day after the ball game. Mondays are the potholes in the road of life Money burns a hole in my pocket...how about yours? Money is the root of all bills. Money is the root of all evils. Send $20 for more information. Money talks: Mine says goodbye! Money-the root of all evil. Man needs roots. MONEY TALKS ... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE! Monkey in blender = Rhesus Pieces Morbid............ A higher offer. More fun than a busy signal." More fun than a dead fish. More fun than a tube of crazy glue and an imagination. More fun than humans deserve to have! More in the mind than the body this feeling. More than EVERYTHING is STILL not ENOUGH !!! More things change, the more you need alterations. MORE POWER PLEASE!!! Most people are apathetic, but I don't care. Most people make sense, I'm not one of them. Most Weight lifters are biceptual. Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there. Mountains should be seen and not heard. MOUSE: Species of Rodent known to inhabit computers. Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated. Mr. Custer? Can I be excused for the rest of the afternoon? Mr. President? Incoming,sir. Launch code? Ms-dos the latest utility supported by UNIX! MS-DOS is CP/M on steroids. MS-DOS..MR DOS's sister -- DR DOS..MS DOS's Gynecologist MS_DOS...The ultimate PC Virus Mulroney: The EDLIN of prime ministers... Multitask- Make twice the mistakes in the time. Multitask: Choke on gum and trip simultaniously! Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. Murphy is out there ... watching ... waiting ... Murphy wasn't an optimist. He just got it wrong. Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules. Murphy's Rule of Combat: Incoming fire has the right of way. Murphy's: All constants are variables! MUTANTS! Surrender now...Or be DESTROYED! Mute? Call 1-800-TALKING and give us your name. My appetite comes to me while eating. Michel de Montaigne My AUTOEXEC.BAT is a vampire. My best view from a Window was through OS/2. My brain ain't working. My brain hurts...not my head...just my brain! My cat has 9 lives, but my frog croaks daily! My computer has EMS....Won't you help? My computer isn't that nervous...it's just a bit ANSI. My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier. My Concerto for Cuisinart and Microwave. My credit is so bad they won't even take my cash! My dad must have been a phone phreak. My EGO is better than your EGO! My ex wife's other car is a BROOM My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician. My floppy got excited. Now it's a hard disk. My foot's alseep. I wonder what it's dreaming about?... My God .... it's full of stars! My God! They've gone to Plaid! My gray hairs can beat your gray hairs. My hard disk is full! Maybe I'll try this message section thing. My horse got shot, so I had to break his leg... My Hovercraft is full of Eels. My hovercraft... You don't want to know. My HST is faster than your HST!!!! My karma ran over your dogma! My keyboard keeps changing what I type. My kid can beat up your honor student! My last original thought died of lonliness. My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring! My logic escapes me at the moment My Loss is Your Gain! My machine ain't old! Relays still do the job.... My mama done tol' me... that rabbit is two faced... My message above. Your response here ____________. My mind is not for rent to any gov't My mistakes are purely erroneous. My modem can beat up your modem! My modem has premature bauding... My modem isn't slow- it's "baudily challenged!" My mom must have been a phone phreak. My mother was the tour guide for Guilt Trips... My mouse only has one ball too! My mouth doesn't seem to have a backspace key ... My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else. My opinion.. worth the paper it's written on! My opinions are my own, wonk, wonk, wonk. My opponent has been observed masticating in public! My other computer is a Cray...That's the ticket! My other computer is even slower. My other tagline is a Porsche. My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ... My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird... My parents feel I was well concieved. My personal favorite is Spring Surprise. My problem is an 8088 brain in a 80486 world. My reality check just bounced. My rubber duck keeps sinking... My sex drive had a head crash. My standard answer for that is, I don't know. My tagline is in the shop. This is a loaner. My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted - SW My train of thought is a Mag-Lev. My Turbo Light is on, but nobody is home. My exwife's other car is a broom!! My WYSIWYG is all GUI My yards a mess but my hard disk's the best!! MyGuru told me there'd be lifetimes like this Myth #1: The computer only does what you tell it. Naaah, couldn't be! NaCl + H2O = Alien Spot Remover NAK NAK, "Who's There?" #@#^#$%#(#@^ NO CARRIER Natural laws have no pity - RAH Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. Nature does nothing uselessly. Aristotle Needed: new search routine for organic memory module! Negative slack tends to increase. Nerve Center: Where the spine is misaligned! Network management is like herding cats... Neurotoxin Lite! Tastes great. Less drooling. Never argue with someoneoneone holding a Bazooka! Never ask a hungry cat if it loves you for yourself. Never believe anything until it's been officially denied. Never dare to judge until you've heard all. Euripides Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you. Never eat anything that winks at you. Never eat prunes when you're famished. Never, ever, ever attempt to learn thermodynamics. Never fight with a bear in his own cave. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder. Never had it, never will. Hell, I don't even know what 'it' is. Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fists! Never insult a crocodile until you are safely across the river. Never judge a book by its movie. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. Never mind the facts - I know what I know! Never mistake endurance for hospitality. Never mistake motion for action... Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone! Never practice saying 'revelant'! Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist. Never sleep with anyone weirder than you ... Never stand between a dog and a fire hydrant! Never step in anything soft. Never take a beer to a job interview. Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. Never trust a platypus. Never trust a skinny cook. Never try to out-stubborn a cat! Never underestimate the power of stupidity. New Book: _How to write a How To book_ New Mail not found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N) New restaurant on the moon. Great food, no atmosphere. New truths begin as heresies and end as superstitions. NEW! Tagline-Lite! Only 1/3rd Less Serious... NEW!! IMPROVED!!! E=MC^3 !!! Newer as in not BETTER just bigger in size!!!! News is the first rough draft of History... Newton had a bad trip, and now there's calculus. Next on STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION--Ensign Ro vs. Ensign Wade Next stop the stars! Now where do i buy a ticket? Next time I will try English. Next time you wave, use ALL your fingers! Next week, we'll learn how to play the kazoo. Nice shot eh? What? Wrong net? Nightowls are _real_ people. Nine times out of ten the statisticians are wrong. Nitrate........... Different than the day rate. Nixon in '93! He's repented, tanned, and ready!!!!! Nixon's Principal: If 2 wrongs don't make a right, try 3. NJ State Bird is the Mosquito. No Amount Of Planning Will Replace Dumb Luck No baby on board - you can destroy my car now. No bathroom? Just boldly go where no man has gone before! No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting No human thing is of serious importance. Plato No, it's a feature... Really. No man loves life like him that's growing old. Sophocles No matter where you go, ...there you are. No-one ever reads these things. No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. No Response, Please! No sense being pessimistic.It wouldn't work anyway. No thanks, I'm already having one. No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. NO CARRIER. Oh, well, I didn't want to land anyways. NO HITCHHIKERS! (Except for blondes, brunettes,and redheads!) NO PROGRAM is idiot proof, idiots are ingenious! NO, UART! No. Why, have YOU ever snorted laser toner? No! No! Nurse!!! I said "prick his boil"! No! Taco Bell is not the Mexican Phone Co. Nobody ever goes in, nobody ever comes out! Nobody HAS to do anything Nobody knows the Tribbles I've seen. Nobody notices when things go right. NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Nobody's perfect... We are what we are! Non sequitur. Your facts are uncoordinated. None of you exist; my Sysop types all this in! NORAD: Home of the WOPPER, NORMAL? That the setting I use on my washing machine... Nostalgia just ain't what it used to be ... Not a bug - an undocumented feature!! Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute. Not every soil can bear all things. Virgil (19 BC) Not gluttony as much as thrill-seeking. Not just a job, but an adventure. Not now ... I have to go mow the laundry. Not quite, HAL. The engineers have figured out a kludge. Not to worry, this is a TRANSCENDENTAL solution. Not tonight, dear. I have a modem. Not unlike having your brains lightly whipped into a smooth puree. Nothing can be created from nothing. Lucretius (55 BC) Nothing can help this story. . . Nothing damages new truth as old error. Nothing endures but change. Heraclitus (480 BC) Nothing happens, nobody comes, nobody goes Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Nothing is as easy as it looks. Nothing is foolproof! Fools are too ingenious! Nothing is intuitive, in its fullest form. Nothing is more productive than the last minute. Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up. Nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth. Nothing Unreal Exists Nothing up my sleeve, PRESTO! Nothing's impossible to those that don't have to do it. Now and then an innocent man becomes a senator. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time !! Now how much would you pay for all this? BUT, *Wait*! Don't answer... Now if I can run Win3 under DV under Unix... Now in new great-tasting Grape and Watermelon flavors. Now Serving: Left d'oeuvres Now that I've muddied the waters it's time to paddle off! Now we dolly back, now we fade to black . . . Now what did he mean by THAT? Now what were we talking about? Now where did I park my hard drive? Now, WHERE did you say my disk drove?? Now why do you think THAT? Now you see it, now you don't. Now... Would _I_ do _that_?!? Nudge, nudge, ;-), ;-), say no more! Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. Number 5: INPUT! INPUT! Need INPUT!... Nunnery: Where nuns are hatched. Nutrition tagline -Low in sodium- Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk - Curly Howard O.K to coninue?? O'Brian's Law... Murphy is an optimist. O'Toole's Commentary: Murphy was an optimist. Oat bran can cause cereal output errors. Objection, your Honour! My client is an idiot! Of all animals, the boy is most unmanageable. Plato Of all the things I lost, it's my mind I miss most! Of course I'm sure the above is a simplification. Of course it's safe. Go on in, I'll be right behind you. Offensive Foul! Illegal Tagline! 2 Meg Penalty, RAM to Defense! Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last . Office of Economic Opportunity Officila BbS of peo ple whocant' type alll that wlel/ Often it's fatal to live too long Oh, a wise guy! Oh don't grovel! Oh goody! Another Iludium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator! Oh, hell! My mood ring just exploded! Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay, Oh, I'm sorry, were the voices in my head bothering you? Oh let's not go there, it's such a silly place Oh my god...I'll be arrested for sure. Oh never mind! Oh no, not again! Oh No! Not Again? Oh, Oh, ... Your Zip File Is Open! Oh SURE. You can take time to read this. But can you write some? Noooo! Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark? Oh, well....never mind! Oh yeah I'll tell you something,I think you'll understand Oh, YEAH! Want to FIGHT about it? {daddy, beat him up} Oh, you mean the old Same place. Oh, you mean you can use LOTUS to do arithmetic? Oh, you're no fun anymore! OH, NO! Can't Operate! AMA License Expired! OH NO! NOT THE COMFY CHAIR!!! Oh. It's you again. Oh.... A wiiiise guy, eh????? Oh! No! Tell me you didn't say that?! Oh! You want SERIOUS ideas? Ohmygosh! Aliens!! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ok, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to be eccentric. OK. Hold it right there! Okay, I pulled the pin. Now what...? Where are you going...? Old age = you + 20 years. Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill. Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIA I/O. Old memories never die...they just haunt you! Old musicians never die, they just decompose. Ollie North shreds his documents here. On a clear disk you can seek forever On earth as it is in San Francisco On the 10 Year Plan at Southern Tech On the 8th day, the Corps of Engineers started changing everything. On the cutting edge of software evolution... On the other hand, you have different fingers. Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it/Homer Once in a while, I screw up and do something right Once more unto the breach, dear friends  Henry V One Byte and you're hooked. One Byte at a Tyme. One day I looked in my pocket...There was a hole in it! One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it. One good turn gets all the blankets. One hour of instruction - and 100 hours on how to get around it. One level further down somebody is getting killed, right now. One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true. One man's Windows are another man's walls. One modem said to another: "Hey, you've got a nice baud!" One more day like today and I'll kill you One person's essential feature is another's useless frill One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday! One swallow does not make a summer. Aristotle One thing about pain: it proves you're alive. One thought driven home is better than three left on base. Online again? When do you sleep?... ONLINE? Hit for a quick I.Q. Test! Only $2 a call, plus toll charges if any. Only 10 city blocks from the scenic Phila. Water Treatment Plant.. Only a mediocre person is always at his best. Only adults have problems with childproof caps. Only in English would 'slim chance' = 'fat chance' Only lemmings jump to conclusions. Only one good: Knowledge. One evil: Ignorance. Socrates Only Robinson Crusoe could get everything done by Friday. Only sheep make baaaad puns. Only the leftists are right anymore. Only the Shadow knows. Only YOU can prevent forest fires... Ooops I got GUI all over my screen OOPS! ---SDI software engineer Op Code: EOI - Execute Operator Immediate Open doors we find our way; we look, we see, we smile. Open mouth, insert shoe store. Open Mouth, Insert Foot, Chew Carefully. Open the pod bay door please, Hal. Open Windows and let the bugs in. OPERATER ERROR.. (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)hoot... OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am. Opinions expressed are not from the management. Opinions expressed are not my own & I'm not responsible for them. Opportunist: Someone finding himself in hot water, decides to bathe. Optimist: Stands behind 6 teens at a phone booth. Or is it all just a fragment of your partition? Organic........... Church music. Organization is the enemy of improvisation. Originality is the art of concealing your source... Originator of Fuzzy logic! OS/2 2.0: Taking the wind out of Windows. OS/2 just broke all the Windows! OS/2 means...CURTAINS for Windows! OS/2, Windows/0 OS/2...Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates. OS/2: Bill Gates' worst nightmare! OS/2: Logic, not magic. OS/2: Not just another pretty program loader! OS/2: The choice of the next generation. OS/2: Windows done RIGHT! OS/2: Windows with bullet-proof glass. OS/2: Your brain. Windows: Your brain on drugs. Osborne's Law: Variables won't: constants aren't. Other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how was the parade? Ouch! And I mean it. Ouch! My ear! Why are you screaming? Turn off capslock, please. Our best is none too good. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. Out of our minds and into your homes. Out of the fog, into the smog ... - Nick Danger Out of The Frying Pan, Into the Dog House Out Of Body. Back in 5 Minutes. Outa disk space already? Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees! Outpatient........ A person who has fainted. Over Worked and Under Appreciated. Overcome by jealousy, Data dismembers the Energizer Bunny Overdrawn? But I still have checks left! Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated. Overweight just sorta snacks up on you! Oxymoron: Down Escalator. Oxymoron: Educational Television. Oxymoron: Honest politician. Oxymoron: Jumbo shrimp. Oxymoron: Postal Service. OxyMORON: Prime Minister Mulroney oׯ** <--- Tribbles living near Three Mile Island. P.T. Barnum would DEFINITELY approve! Pack up your Tribbles in your old kit bag. Paddling up the mighty Mystic without a paddle card. Pain -- Finally something we can depend on. Pain is inevitable. Misery, however, is an option. Pain is your body's way of saying: "Hey, stop that!" Paramedics are patient people. Paranoia is a man's worst friend. Paranoid: someone who just figured out what's going on. Pardon me... Do you have any Grey Poupon? Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload. Pardon our existence and we'll pardon yours. Parental Discretion is advised. Parking is such street sorrow. -- Mario Andretti Part-time musicians are semiconductors. Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be. Party at Ground Zero. Path = 'down there a ways and to the left' Path = Curiouser and Curiouser! PATIENCE-A Virtue That Carries A Lot Of Wait PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE! BE PATIENT DARNIT. Paused: enter any 12-digit prime number to continue. PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks. Peace is rarely denied to the peaceful. Peaceful Coexistence my Fantail! Phasers on Maximum! Pecan Sandies, health food of the gods! Peeping Tom = A Guy too lazy to go to the Beach! Penguins! Underwater penguins, with SCUBA Gear! People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise People will believe anything - if you whisper it. People will buy anything that's one to a customer. Perhaps I should take up golf instead? Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Millionaire, the Skipper & Gilligan Persist: the greatest effort's not enough. Personally, I don't believe in atheists. Pervish cooking -- true culinary delight. Pet Store: 'Buy one, get one flea.' Peter Norton saved my Momma and Data............. PETTY CASH...What Tom Petty Carries In His Wallet PhD: Piled Higher and Deeper. Philadelphia Pa... We Bomb our Citizens Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks. Phone sex? Nah. Ma Bell is a little past Playmate age. Phoneco.sys corrupted - recommend competitive market Pi R Squared? No. Pie R round, Cornbread R square! Pick two: [1] Fast [2] Right [3] Cheap Piety requries us to honor truth above friends. Aristotle Pizza: Nature's perfect food. PKunZIP V56.7 FAST! Exploding Universe->>CRC- error! Plagiarism prohibited -- Derive carefully. Planetary creation error: Abort, Retry, or Evolve? Playin' rap so loud I found a gold tooth in my ear! Please be sure to exit before leaving. - Jack Treger Please define... 'SOON' Please don't kill the messenger. Please hold. A representative will annoy you shortly. Please return stewardess to original upright position. Please wash your monitor after reading this message. PLEASE DISENGAGE OPERATOR, CEREBRAL MELT DOWN PLEASE USE OTHER DOOR. PLEASE YIELD TO EMERGENCY VEHICLES, THEY MAY BE FOR YOU!! Please! Don't unzip here! I'm bashful! Pleasure is the start and end of living happily. Epicurus Plug your modem in backwards and hear the Devil's own words! PLUGH ..... nothing happens Pobody's nerfect! Pogo sticks make people jumpy. Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore. Pointless point of Confuscion... Poli(Many) Tic(Bloodsucker) Politics = Many Bloodsuckers. Police tagline. Do not cross Politeness is asking a beggar if he'll take a check. Politically Incorrect -- and darn proud of it! Politicians are people too...aren't they... Politics shouldn't be so political. Politics: The most promising of all careers. Polluting New Jersey...like who's gonna notice? Pollytheism n.; the belief that God is a parrot. Polygon: A missing parrot. Pop up, push down, Byte, Byte, Byte! Porky Pig ... our favorite ham! Portions of this message have been pre-recorded. Post no bulletins Post no bulletins Post no bulletins Post-operative...A letter carrier. Posted by one whose mind isn't twisted, but sprained Postmen never die, they just lose their zip. Poverty is inconvenient, try to avoid it. Powdered water -- just add ... hmmm ... Power corrupts, but we still need electricity. Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though. Practice random and senseless acts of kindness. Practice safe algebra...use brackets! Practiss makes perfict Precinct toilet stolen - police have nothing to go on. Preconception: a lock on the door of wisdom Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. PREDICTION You are reading messages right now. Preen goeth before a flap. Prepare to surge to sub-light speed.............EN-GAGE! Preserve the old, but know the new. Press -- to continue ... Press to take IQ test Press all the keys at once to continue... Press any key - EXCEPT THAT ONE!!! Press any key to continue or any other key to quit Press ANY key to continue......Where's the ANY key???? Press F13 to continue Press SPACEBAR once to quit or twice to save changes. PrettyBird,PrettyBird .. StupidHuman,StupidHuman Primordial soup for dinner again? Printers always die on page 999 of a 1000 page report!!! Private Joke Center of the known universe. Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. Problems? No, I LIKE my foot there. Proboscis Waving in the Breeze Procrastinate NOW! Procrastination day is tomorrow, or the next day! Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry. Procrastination: What I plan on if I ever find time * Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. Program too small to fit into memory. Programmer's Oxymoron: Spare-Time Programming: The art of debugging a blank sheet of paper. Progress results from unpopular positions. Pronto Tonto to Toronto. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Propaganda must not serve the truth. Proper ID Required. Prosecutors will be shoplifted. Protein........... In favor of young people. Psst, your file is open. Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd. Psychic Convention canceled due to unforeseen problems. Psychoanalysis is Freudulent. Psychoceramics: The study of crackedpots. Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. PumpDon'tWork'CauseTheVandalTookTheHandle Pun: the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it first. Puns are bad, but poetry is verse. Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel. Put off procrastinating till a later time. Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something. Question anything that starts "Obviously..." Quick, call a Witch Doctor. My witch is sick! Quiet, don't type so hard, I got a headache! Quit bringing up reality... Radioactive Halibut will make fission chips RADIOACTIVE: if you can read this you're sterile Rainy days and automatic weapons get me down. Raise ducks for a quack profit. Raise your IQ-----Eat Mensans. RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. RAM DISK is NOT an installation procedure! Rats! My fiwer must have slipped Razzle needs Dazzle or it's too onesided. Reach out & GREP someone! Read Chapter 1. Quiz on Monday!  Read enclosed instructions carefully before opening. Read the Bible - It'll scare the hell out of you. Read the docs. Wow, what a radical concept! Readers beware: I don't know what I'm saying. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. Real men write self-modifying code Real programmers don't use flowcharts.] REAL programmers can use copy con program.exe Real_men_don't_need_spacebars. Reality is an illusion produced by alcohol deficiency. Reality is blinking again...call for repairs. Reality is for people who can't face science fiction. Reality is for people with no grasp of fantasy. Reality is not a constant. Shut up and finish your dinosaur. Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. Reality is that part of imagination we all agree on. Reality Is An Illusion Caused By Lack Of Acid. Reality isn't -- yet. Reality-meter: Empty[\.....]Full Reality.sys Corrupted. Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q) Reality? I'll only go as a tourist! Really get stoned, drink wet cement... Recursive, adj.; see Recursive Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned... Reduce CO2 Emissions - Stop Breathing! Redundancy: An air bag in a politician's car. Relativity all depends on how you look at it. Religious error: (A)tone, (R)epent, (I)mmolate? Remember, only left-handed people are in their right minds! Remember to PILLAGE before you BURN! Remember tubes? Remember when 4K RAM encouraged efficient programming! Remember when PC didn't mean Politically Correct? Remember................. Wherever you go, there you are. Reminds me of some game I used to play . . . Rent this space 555-7368(RENT) Repartee: an insult with a suit and tie on. Reputation: what others are not thinking about you Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm) Respect must be earned, not commanded. Reversing entropy is everyone's business. Reward for a job well done: more work Rhetorical question - I think I know <>! Ricochet, n.; Irish bouncer Rid yourself of doubt, or should you... Risking moderation again! ROM wasn't built in a day. Ronald Reagan: Milli Vanilli of presidents * Rosanne Barr: proof that mankind is troubled. Roses smell better than onions but make bad soup Rotisserie: A Ferris wheel for chickens. RTFM? I can't even LIFT it! Rubber gloves come in very handy. Rule #624: A warning message should not be funnier than the joke. Rule One! (Everyone) No Poofters! Ruling a country is like cooking a small fish. Lao-tzu Rumour: NT means Not Tested Running Windows is better than washing them, or is it? RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user Russia has the Moscow Circus; WE have CONGRESS! Sanity is relative ... but not one of mine! Sanity Is A State Of Mind And I Moved Out Of State. SANITY.SYS corrupt. MIND lost. Save a life. Adopt a musicologist. Save An Animal --Hunt for Comets--- Save Georgia's economy...Eat more canned Possum! Save laboratory animals. Use lawyers. Save the Earth, some of my best friends live here! Save the Planet.. Redeem for Valuable Coupons! Save the snails! Save the wales! Nuke Greenpeace instead! Save the whales; collect the whole set! Trade them with your friends Save The Ansi-Phreaks! Collect & Trade 'em with friends! Save this message ! You may need it ! Say NO! to Negatives! Say pistachios...it's impolite to say nuts. Say something soft & sweet. Marshmallow. Say the best. Think the rest!! Saying this, we say what's been handed down. Schizophrenia beats living alone. Science Fiction: a mind-altering substance! Science is truth -- don't be misled by facts. Scotty, I've fallen, and I can't beam up! Scotty is smoking the dilithium crystals again, Jim Scotty: Does it mix with scotch? Data: It is... it is green. Screw the mug, give me a caffeine I.V. !!! Script: (I)mpLode, (U)pLode, (D)ownLode, (E)xpLode Scruples taste best with garlic butter. Scrute the inscrutable and eff the ineffable! SCSI = Software Geek Full Employment Act of 1991 SCSI people, SCSI places SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions Search for an embalmer. Second star to the right & straight on till morning... Secretion......... Hiding something. Sector not found: did you look under the sofa? Security is a state of mind... See a penny, pick it up; move into a higher tax bracket. See the Future; See OS/2. Be the Future; Run OS/2. See the light at the end of tunnel? It's an on coming Freight Train! Seen any big bubbles lately? Seeyagottagobye. Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow! Horace (8 BC) Self-deceit is easy; what one wishes one believes is true Self starters--will not. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. Semi-conductor - one who directs 18 wheelers. Semiconductor: A part-time orchestra leader. Semper Ubi Sub Ubi - Always Where Under Where. Send a self-abused stomped elephant to : ______  Send lawyers, guns, and money!  Send ME your money. SEND MONEY I NEED TO GO TO CAMP !!!!! SEND TO The Department of Redundancy Dept. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . Sent off of a Brain Damaged Computer Session complete. Neural links terminated. Have a nice day. Set free the bears! And the pandas! Settle this first who moved the stone? Sevareid`s Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions. Severe Error 102: Insufficient Coffee, Operator Halted. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the Question. YES is the answer!! Sex on TV can't hurt you...unless you fall off. Sexy: Uses feather. Kinky: Uses entire chicken. Shake well before using. Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven! Sharks don't eat lawyers out of professional courtesy. She said "Have a nice day", but I had other plans..... She won't last forever; why give her a diamond? Sheep don't fly as much as Plummet. Sheila's Law: You can't fall off the floor. Shell to DOS, come in DOS, Do you Copy? Shell to DOS....Come in, DOS.....Do you Copy? Shell to DOS...Come in Dos, do you copy? Shell to DOS... Shell to DOS...Shell to Dos...Come in Dos...Oh no... Shh! Be vewy qwiewet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwors. Shh! I have to use my incomplete, divided attention here! SHIFT LEFT! SHIFT RIGHT! POP UP,PUSH DOWN, BYTE,BYTE,BYTE! Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark. Shirley MacLaine talks to me in my dreams. Shoecide [Shu-eh-syd] n, One abandoned shoe in the road. Shortcut: Taking a quicker route to stand in a bank line Should we tell the children when we move? Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you. Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw. Sign Here x_______________________________________ Sign in an office: 'Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them.' Sign on a hotdog stand: 'What foods these morsels be.' Silence cannot be misquoted. Silence is evidence of a superb command of the language. SILENCE: Wisdom's One Satisfactory Substitute. Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. Silly Magician, Tricks are for Hookers Silly question! Silly Rabbit, tricks are for hookers! Silly Wabbit, QWKs are for kids! Since I've used up all of my sick days, I'm calling in DEAD! Since when is the Internal Revenue a Service? Sir! Romulan warbird decloaki NO CARRIER Sit down, you're rocking the boat! Situation normal. Panic accordingly. Skydiving & Maxwell House - Good to the last drop! Slavery's not just a job, it's indenture. Sleep faster: we need the pillows. SLEEP: that fleeting moment just before the alarm. SLEEP? I'm a Consultant!! Sleeping is 1/60 part death. SLIDING DOWN THE RAZOR BLADES OF LIFE. Slogans of two generations: 1972: Question Authority! 1992: Why Ask Why? Sloppy and proud of it. Slow programmers Prog-crastinate.... Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. Smile Youre on Candid Compucamera ! Smile. It makes the world wonder what you're up to. Smiley faces were meant to be annoying. SMOKE? Not me! I just get hot under the collar. Smoking cures weight problems... eventually... Smoking kills live men and cures dead swine. So far, so good, so what? So good it's better than itself. So how *do* they get Teflon to stick to the pan? So how DO they get the lead into the pencil? So I said to myself, "Self," I said... So I'm quibbling. So sue me. So it goes so it goes so it goes so it goes So little to say and so much time to say it! So many bytes, so few cps. So many Jerks, so few bullets So many pedestrians...SO little time.... So many systems... So little time! So much fun, there should be a law against it. So much less reputable, so much more fraught So Much Stuff... So Little Memory! So simple a child could do it... go find me a child. So tell me, did a moose ever bite yer sister? So what's the matter with MY taglines? So, what's this 'RESET' button do? So, you say I'm in a bad mood today! So, you wanted an essay, you got an essay! So... This is the BIG Time? Great... So! Just what part of NO don't you understand? SOA - the Society for the Opposition of Acronyms Soap that you can see through ... - Dr. Johnny Fever Socks are the larval stage of coat-hangers. Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software. Soldier of Fortran Some days the only good things on TV are the vase and the clock. Some kids get paid to be good. Mine are good for nothing. Some men are discovered. Others are found out. Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under Some mouths resemble Energizers, they keep going Some of us take longer to grow up than others. Some people come home to unwind; others come home to unravel. Some people drive as if turn signals were an option. Some people tell political jokes... we HAVE them! Some say the solution to polluton is dilution. Some tags I think... Some tags I don't... Some things are clever only the first time. Some things have to be believed to be seen. Some wishes _do_ come true... unfortunately. Somebody has to go polish the stars... Someday you will come to your senses. Someday you'll look back on this and laugh. Someday your prints will come.--Kodak Somehow / It all seemed / So worthwhile... Someone actually has to think up these things! Someone get me the 'pooper scooper' Something Amiss? Hi, I'm Something Amister. Something is rotten in the state of confusion. Something should be done about this. Something would have to be done... something irresponsible... Sometimes I feel like I've been tied to the ... Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits. Sometimes I wake up grouchy, sometimes I let her sleep. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to think. Sometimes it might seem wise not to grow up. Sometimes the obvious works best! Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. Sometimes you're a bug..sometimes you're a windshield. Soon to be a major motion picture. Soon to have a ticket to talk!! Sorry about that, Chief -- Maxwell Smart "86" Sorry, I Forgot All About the Amnesia Conference! Sorry, I'm a born lever-puller. Sorry...no quote today. Sound has nothing to do with music. Sources. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do! Space NOW ! Oh well, maybe later ... Spaghetti code = job security. Spam for me, with a side of crunchy frog. Spare yourself many hard falls; don't jump to conclusions Speak the word, the word is all of us. Speculation is the return lane of the road to knowledge. Speed Kills - Use Windows! Speed kills...and causes other misteaks... Speed kills; slow just infuriates... Speed Scares you? But Micro$oft Windows! Spelling checkers at maximum! Fire! Spelling problems? Use error-correcting modems! Spending a year dead for tax purposes. Spill a drink on your hard drive? Try PC Towels. Spilling your drink is alcohol abuse! Spindle & Mutilate - See if I care.. Spiritual Truth thru Superior Weapons Spock at Xmas: A pencil sharpener for my ears! Thanx, Jim Spock/Data 1996: The Logical Choice Sponge cake: Dessert made of borrowed ingredients. Sponsors of the Olympic Drowning Team. Squeak I tell you, Squeak! Stack overflow hurts! Stamp it and ship it. Stamp out nouvelle cuisine in our lifetime! Stamp out the post office! Mail electronically. Stand back, I don't know how BIG this thing gets.. Standard Disclamer of course... Standards? Sure, we've got hundreds of 'em! Standards? What standards? Whose standards? Starfleet Academy has a drama department? Start a download. Get a beer. Multitasking. Start the day with a smile and get it over with. State Dept of Unnecessary Double Redundancies Dept State Of The Art is technospeak for unproven. State your business and leave! Staten Island isn't really a big landfill... Station experiencing difficulty do not adjust your set. Statistics are no substitute for judgment. Status Quo: Latin for the mess we are in. Stay back! I have a modem and I know how to use it!!!! STAY ALERT!TRUST NO ONE!KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY! STICK \'stik\ n. 1: a boomerang that doesn't work Still, a man hears what he wants to hear..... Stock up and save. Limit: one. Stocks, bonds, handcuffs, and leg irons all the same! Stolen from the 7th. Street Bar and Grill. Stop Continental Drift! Stop picking your nose and go to the next message Stop reading me. I don't really exist! Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. Stop Talking while I'm interrupting. Stop what you're doing and TAKE A SHOWER!!! Stranger in a strange country. Sophocles (406 BC) Striking unions, note: Bankruptcy is also a closed shop! STRING space corrupt? But I always use TAPE! Strip mining prevents forest fires. Students of iron plumbing fixtures: Ferrous Faucet Majors Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out? Stupidity is NOT a handicap! PARK ELSEWHERE! Success isn't how far you got. Success lies in achieving the top of the foodchain. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! Suitable for Farm Animals & Household Appliances. Super Turbo Edlin Deluxe for Win 3.1 w/OCR -- Here NOW! Support a Japanimation conference! Support Free Trade ... Smuggle! Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you. Support safe housing; use condos. Support Shareware, or pay commercial prices! Support the Arts: Shoot a Rapper. Support the National Endowment for Creative Misogyny Support your local medical examiner: die strangely. Support your local Police Depart.!! Bribe a cop. Support your right to keep and arm bears! Sure I know how to copy disks. Where's the Xerox machine? Sure, it's embarrassing, but it's over quickly. Surrender now - before I have to offer you better terms. Survival Tip #2: Never MOON a werewolf. Sushi: Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'. Swallow your pride, it is non-fattening. Swap read error, you lose your core image. Sweet Chariot portfolio: I buy stocks; they swing low! Symptomatic, but not contagious. Syntax: Why not? In Canada, we tax everything... Sysop not found! Please notify computer SYSOP: The person sitting there laughing as you type! System halted -- Press any key to do nothing SYSTEM ERROR #1303, Power NOT on!! Systems should be described as simply as possible, but no simpler.--Einstein Tablet............ A small table. Tact is getting your point across without stabbing someone with it. TacTics = candy for dyslexics. Tagline For Sale CHEAP. Insert $1.00 into drive A:. Tagline Lotto: <- Scratch here for prize Tagline* If you read it ... You're it!! Taglines are the bumper stickers of the '90s. Taglines: Things that make you go 'Hmmm.....' Tain't nobody's business (not even mine). Take 20 aspirins, and you'll feel better if you wake up. Take an astronaut to launch. Take it for what it's Worthless Take it from me - he's got the goods. Take it slow, but take it. And don't forget to KEEP IT FUN. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. Take the law into your own hands? Take the steps, the elevator don't work. Take the time to sniff the dandelions Taking a QUANTUM LEAP into the past. Taking a turn for the worst. Talk is cheap . . . until you hire a lawyer. Talk is cheap, because supply exceeds demand... Talk is cheap. Using a modem gets expensive. Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. Euripides TARDIS Express - When it absolutely must be there BEFORE you send it! Taxation is little more than legalized extortion. Tech Support is Just A Busy Signal Away Tech Support: Not just a job, an adventure! Technician in search of a network.... Ted Kennedy's Bumper Sticker: My other car is underwater. Teen-age Mutant Ninja Haggis!! Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbers. Telecommunications is a bit far fetched. Telepathy is minding someone else's business. Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong. Tell me again how I'm lucky to work here..I keep forgetting Tell me how,. Dave. Tell me now, before I spend 20 dollars on drinks. Tempest: (TEM)porary (PE)rsonnel (S)ecurity (T)est. Temporary suspension of disbelief is a wonderful thing. Tennis is irrelevant. - Bjorn Borg Terminator bumper sticker: I TIME TRAVEL NAKED. Termites've Have Eaten Thru To Your Top Layer Terror: A female Klingon with PMS. Test. Test. T E S T !!! Is this thing on???? Teutonic [n] -- Not enough gin. Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL Thank god for the `EFF'.. Last bastion of the resistant Thank you for encouraging my behavior. Thank you for making the last moments of my life socially awkward. That old Velveeta really sticks like glue! That Rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! That tagline is true ---> <--- That tagline is false That was a favor I did you? That was definitely the LAST bug! That was so funny, I laughed 'till I stopped. That was ZEN -- this is TAO That's a great answer, now what was my question again? That's my story and I'm stickin' to it! The 1st person to raise their fist, just ran out of ideas The 1st rule to smart tinkering is to save all the parts. The 3 kinds of lies - lies, damned lies & statistics - MT The 4 food groups: Fast,Frozen,Instant & Microwave The agony of delete.... The animals can't tell you, you just gotta know. The BBS that asks the question, but doesn't care about the answer. The BBS that boldly goes. We haven't figured out where yet. The BBS that dares to ask the question: 'Huh?' The BBS that gives your modem an April fresh smell. The best cure for the nations economy would be economy. The best prophet of the future is the past. The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 32 ft/sec The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut. The better you look, the more you'll see. The Bigger the Drive,the more Junk Collected. The biggest mistake that you can make is... The blue light was my mind.... Robert Johnson The Borg -- plastic surgery taken too far. The buck doesn't even slow down here! The buck stops at the desk over there. The Buck stops here, the Dough just visits.. The CLOCK$ stops here. The company of just and righteous men is best. Euripides The computer made me do it; HONEST! The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up! The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block. The cycle will repeat itself. The dead outnumber the living more than 30 to 1. The die is cast. (proverb quoted by Julius Caesar). The discontented man finds no easy chair. The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much bigger. The easy way is always mined. The emptier the head,the harder it is to fill The end is near... but wait for the sequel! The END (and more than you wanted to know) The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack. The fact that it works is immaterial. The falsely dramatic obscures the truly dull. The faster you go, the shorter you are-- Einstein The floggings WILL continue until morale improves! The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization. The Four Food Groups: Caffine, Chocolate, Sugar and Cigarettes. The freedom of poetic license. Cicero (43 BC) The future will be like the past, only more expensive The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. The good have no need of an advocate. Phocion (317 BC) The great man is he who does not lose his child's-heart. The Greatest Right is the Right 'To Fail' The Grim File Reaper The guy sure looks like plant food to me! The hard disk you save may be your own The Harder you work . . . the luckier you get The hidden flaw never remains hidden. The Hostess will seat you now. The human race is still in eta test. The hurrieder I go, the behinder I get! The Ides of March have come. Julius Caesar The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready! The lame dog may miss the hunt, but not the meal. The Law is your friend..but watch out for the Lawyers. The letters H, A, L are alphabetically adjacent to the letters I, B, M. The Light at the End of the Tunnel Could be a flame thrower. The majority isn't silent- the government is deaf! The Majority is never right; unless it includes me The mind is the place great adventures start. The mistake you make is trying to figure it out. The moon is blue and I'm not to happy either. The moon is made of a green cheese. J.Heywood (1497-1580) The more I know about WINDOWS, the more I like DesqView! The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets. The more you say, the less people remember. The most abundant items 1) Hydrogen 2) Stupidity. The music's kinda nice. My compliments to the clef! The nicer I am the more they think I'm lying. The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things. The number you have reached is not in service ! The official Canadian DOS prompt..........EH:\> The older I get the better I used to be. The only good hockey players are the ones with no teeth! The only good Mac is a big Mac! The ONLY thing constant is change... Hmmm The opinions here are strictly my own (or those of my machine) The other line moves faster. The pancake house was robbed. How waffle. The PARITY CHECK is in the E-MAIL! The past is just Prolog. The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes. The pets eat better than I do! The place where YOU can make a difference. Sort of. Maybe. Nahh... The Politician's Diet: Crow, Limburger and hogwash The problem with depending on government is that you cannot depend on it. The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard. The proceeding opinions are not those of the author. The purpose of life is life with a purpose... The real world is a special case. The reality check is in the mail. The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before. The right to be left alone is the root of all freedom The rivers are full of crocodile nasties The road to success is under construction ... The Road goes ever on and on... The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers. The sad thing about Windows bashing is it's all true. The secret is to BANG the rocks together, guys... The secretary will disavow any knowledge ... The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. The solution to the problem changes the problem. The subliminal message for today is. The sun comes up too early for my liking! The Sun is at the center of the Universe. Copernicus The telephone will ring when you are outside The thoughtless are rarely wordless. The threshold of your termination is much lower The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering! The time is right to make new friends. The trouble with 'normal' is that it always gets worse. The trouble with reality-no background music! The truth, however, is not pertinent to the issue. The truth will be found when it is no longer needed. The tuna doesn't taste the same without dolphin. The U.S. needs our water...... Flush Twice! The ultimate in useless diversions. The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates The universe looks smooth-if you stand back far enough. The Universe is a figment of it's own imagination. The upper crust is just a bunch of crumbs clinging together. The Vogon ship hung motionless in the sky in the same way as bricks don't... The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. The wise learn from fools, not vice-versa. The world is a cynic's playground. The world is coming to an end. Please log off The World: A comedy for thinkers; a tragedy for feelers. The world's full of Cactus, but I don't have to sit on it The worst thing about censorship is . There are no ESC keys on prison PCs. There are no stupid questions, except for the ones you ask. There are no teachers -- only students. There are some who call me . . . Tim . . . There are two sides to every question. Protagoras(410 BC) There is a fungus among us!!!  There is more to reality than meets the eye  There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man. Euripides There is no dark side of the moon, really. There is no fool like an old fool. J.Heywood (1497-1580) There is no happiness where there is no wisdom. Sophocles There is no X in ESPRESSO. There is water on Mars, we've seen canals --Dan Quayle There IS intelligent life in the universe... It ignores us... There isn't a whole lot one can say in 50 characte There must be 50 ways to love your liver ... There once was a women from Venus, whose body was shaped.... There was much to explore, but an adult might not think so. There were bells, but I never heard them. THERE! I've run rings around you logically. There's always room for JELLO! There's an exception to every rule, except this one. There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go. There's Loonies running freely through the halls. There's more to BBSing than meets the modem. There's more to life than increasing its speed There's my way, and then there's the easy way There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. There's no future in time travel. There's no place like real mode. I love it. There's nothing a concentrated phaser blast can't solve. There's nothing like a Guinness. There's nothing more demoralizing than money. Sophocles There's safety in numbers: F16, F11, B2, F15.... Thereisonlysomuchyoucansayusingjustfiftyletters. Thermodynamics - a thermometer on the run? These opinions are mine and only mine (unless you wnat to claim them). They aren't evil...just stupid. They built a new church and had the organ transplanted. They just don't make nostalgia like they used to. They say act your age, and when you do they get mad They say I'm crazy but I haven't the time... They surf, those who only stand on waves.... They talk of my drinking but never of my thirst. They went that'a way! > They're just words. They don't mean anything. They're still using money. We've got to find some. Kirk They're trying to confuse us to death. Things in this room do not react well to bullets. Things work better if you plug them in. Things you never hear people say: 'Hand me that Piano!' Things you never hear people say: Please saw my legs off. Think of it as an electronic joy-buzzer for your mind. Think! While it's still legal!! This BAUD'S for You This discussion is hanging by a thread. This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel. This here's a government experiment.... This hitteth the nail on the head. J. Heywood (1597-1580) This hobby is as addictive as heroin, no question about it. This is a fried egg on drugs. Any questions? This is abuse, arguments are down the hall. This is an operating table, and I am the surgeon. This is Elvis. Any messages for me? This is information NOT advice. This is NOT Burger King. You do not get it YOUR way. This is your brains on eggs... Any questions? This LAN is your LAN, this LAN is my LAN! This Life is a test...It is only a test.... This message is not supposed to be here! This message will self-destruct in...5..4..3..2..1..0.. This Message 'Closed Captioned for the Hearing Impaired' This never happens on other systems I use. This note edited for the ironically impaired. This phone is baroque; please call Bach later. This probably doesn't help, but... This product was cruelly tested on small, furry animals. This program doesn't work with DOS 1.0 or higher. This quote is worth $16 in a twisted, dememted way. This rerun due to tagline writers' strike.  This side up  This software will eliminate all mitsakes! This space never intentionally blank!!! This Tag Line no verb. This tagline compliments of the BatComputer *** This tagline has no additives or preservatives! This tagline intentionally left blank. This tagline is a figment of your imagination This tagline is a hologram, insuring message authenticity This tagline is currently out of order. This tagline is listed for no good reason!! This tagline is umop apisdn This tagline only uses recycled keystrokes This tagline was blank before you looked at it. This Tagline was filmed before a live studio audience. THIS TAGLINE NOT TO BE READ OUT LOUD. Thongs [n], What Thinatra things. Those who can, do. Those who can't, write the manual. Those who live closest arrive latest. Those who won't think will have it done for them. Those whom God wishes to destroy, are first made mad. Though I never left, I'm back. :-) Throw rocks at sea-birds; leave no tern un-stoned. Thunderclap - an extremely violent form of VD. TICKET AGENCY: Another name for SCALPER SCUM! Tie m'kangaroo down sport, tie m'kangaroo down! Time exists so that everything doesn't happen at once. Time flies like wind. Fruit flies like pears. Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. Time for culture, gone CHOPIN, BACH in a MINUET. Time Stands Still! Film at 11:00, or whenever. Time travel instructions: "Fold along the dotted plane" To a cat, 'NO!' means 'Not while I'm looking'. To achieve the impossible, attempt the absurd To be human without passion is to be dead. To be or not to be, that always confused me! To Be... Or What ? To boldly code what no one has coded before! To boldly glow, where no man has glowed before. To boldly go where no one has gone before. To endure, be obscure. To every exception there is a rule. To him who is in fear, everything rustles. Sophocles To iterate is human; to recurse, divine. To much thinking only leads to delay! To refuse praise is to seek praise twice. To refuse to decide is a decision. To teach is to learn Japanese Proverb To whom the gods destroy, they first teach Windows... Today is canceled due to lack of interest! Today is the last day of your life, so far. Today is tomorrow's yesterday. Toddler: An indoor tornado Tomorrow will be yesterday soon enough. TONIC.H20 found. BOTTLE.GIN found. SysOp found...LOADED! Too bad that stupidity isn't painful... Too busy to laugh? Then you are too busy. Too little sex makes you repeat yourself redundantly. Too much FREE space? Keep *.BAK files! Too much month left at the end of the money. Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. Toodleoo, go with God, and don't take any wooden nickels. Total Confusion: The Power Source of the Future !! Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore... Toxicology- a risky profession Trails got to be here somewhere - D.Boone TRAPEZOID - A device for catching zoids. Trespassers will be experimented on! Trespassers will be shot; Survivors will be shot again! Tribble math: * + Grain = *************************** Tribbles - $5.00 for all you can pile on top of you. Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got were footnotes! Truck Pulls: for people who don't understand WWF. True Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! Trust me, would I lie to you..... Truth is more of a stranger than fiction -- Mark Twain Truth, like surgery, may hurt. But it cures.- Han Suyin Try Milk of Amnesia - when you need to forget Try our new dehydrated water! Just add ...uh...er... Try to fix the mistake...never the blame. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. Trying to reason with hurricane season TThheerree''ss aann EEcchhoo iinn hheerree. Tuba or not tuba? Tumor............. An extra pair. Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream. Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\> TV = Radio without the imagination. Twice the strength of those other leading national brands. Twisted Sister asks US to keep the noise down. Two can live as cheaply as one what? Two Great Tennesseans: Charlie and Jack Daniels Two lost cluster's found in the writer's brain! Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity. Two writes don't make a novel! Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. TX Driving: To change lanes, first pull out your .357.. Typed on my Ultra Megger Wallet Whammer. UFOs are real. The Air Force isn't. Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee machines! Unable to load REALITY.SYS; Invalid parameter: /UTOPIA Unbreakable toys are useful for breaking other toys. Unclog drains with Liquid Metal Terminator! Under every stone lurks a politician. Aristophanes Under Worked, Over Paid... So who's complaining?? Underneath all these clothes I am completely naked! Undocumented Features will rule the EARTH! Unified Field Theory--My field is your field Unix isn't Vax/Vms (Fortunately!) Unix weirdo in training. Handle with care. UNIX, TheyNIX, SheNIX, HeNIX; INIX? OS/2! No, NetWare... UNIX: It's not just a hair color, it's a way of life. Unless you've got some sort of a PROBLEM with that... Unrecoverable sytem error at 417A:32CF. Incompetent user Unrest of spirit---is a mark of L I F E ! Unwritten laws can not be erased. Urine............. Opposite of Your out Use an accordion, go to jail. It's the law. Use only as directed. Use tasteful words. You might have to eat them. Used all your sick days? Call in dead! Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Useless, but decorative. Users never appreciate computers, until their down Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight. Varicose veins.... Veins that are very close together. VAX,FAX,WAX, what's the difference. VD is nothing to clap about. Vegetables stink too, sometimes. Vegetarians eat vegetables;I'm a humanitarian VELVEETA: the cheese that cannot die! Venetian blinds are made by shady characters. Veni, Vidi, VCR - I came, I saw, I videotaped it Veni, Vidi, Visa - I came, I saw, I charged it Version Rule: Version 1.0 was smaller and faster. Victory finds a hundred fathers, but defeat is an orphan. Virtual Reality is a contradiction. Virtue pays but there's no market for it. Virus Analysis Kit - some assembly required... Virus scanner: "Windows" found. Remove? (Y) Viruses are by definition Public Domain Software. Vital Social Issues 'N' Stuff with KELLY Vivisection is a crime. Unless you use a mime. Void for vagueness? Void where prohibited. Volume in Drive C: TOO_LOUD! Vote for "NONE of the ABOVE" Vote Republican, it's easier than thinking. Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here Vulcan Science Academy Dropout. Vulcans NEVER bluff ---Spock Vultures only fly with carrion luggage. VVV Beware of limbo-dancers below this line VVV Wait a moment....wait a moment....wait a moment.... Wait for further instructions.... Waiter: Unemployed actor Waiting for Spring Takes a Long Time Walk through doors, don't crawl through Windows. Wanna Buy A Rubber Computer? Wanna do something big? Pick up a boulder. Wanna read a good horror novel? Get a history book! Wanted: Dictionary with Index. Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. War is just a hostile corporate take over. Warning--Area Protected by Highly Trained Attack-Owls. Warning, Message Truncated! Warning - The 'esc' key doesn't work in Leavenworth... Warning, This message may cause drowsiness. WARNING, illogical plotting detected! WARNING... drinking tap water may kill your thirst! Warning: bonds to skin. Warning: Contents under pressure. Warning: Do not reuse tagline. Discard safely after use. Warning: Ignore all previous fortune cookie fortunes WARNING: Do not attempt this at home. WARNING: Shock hazard. No user-servicable components inside. WARNING: The Surgeon General has determined that EVERYTHING causes SOMETHING. Warning! REALITY.SYS corrupted: reboot universe? [Y/n] Warning! This tagline fails CRC check! WARNING! REMOVAL OF THIS TAGLINE PROHIBITED BY LAW Warped, and proud of it. Wart-hog [n] The result of crossing a pig with a frog. Was it as good for you as it was for you? Was it good for you, too? Was Jimi Hendrix's modem a Purple Hayes? Was there wit once from whence there was whining? Washing Windows is better than running them. Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. Euripides (431 BC) Wasting time is an important part of living. Watch it - you're trying my infinite patience. Watch out for low flying butterflies.... Watch out, warm fuzzies headed your way! Watch this space WATCH THIS!!  PrestO! ChangeO!  Water, water everywhere...not a drop to drip. Ways to skin a cat #27: Use an electric belt sander. We *have* the Holy Hand Grenade, Sir! We aim to please and shoot to kill! We all have our opinions, but mine is correct. We all live in a yellow subroutine. We apologize for the inconvenience... We are all driven into the same fold. Horace (8 BC) We are always the same age inside. We are but dust and shadow. Horace (8 BC) We are going out! But we shall do it as proper vampires! We are NOT surrounded. We are in a target-rich environment. We are on a roll! Cavorting on the Butter! We are the Emergency Broadcast System, gone amuck. We are the Knights who say, "Ni!" We are the people our parents warned us about. We are what we do, not what we say. We asked for a few good men and look at what we got. We blow up REAL good. We build bodies that last a lifetime. We do not know 1 millionth of one percent about anything. We do precision guesswork We don't care, we don't have to, we're the Phone Co.! We gave our organs to science and plan to do the same with our piano. We give nothing as willingly as our advice. We got rid of our kids. The cats are allergic! We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday. We have standards and expect you not to exceed them. We interrupt this quote for an important bulletin... We just want the FAX ma'am...Keep the photo copier We live, not as we wish to, but as we can. Menander 292bc We look for things. Things that make us go. We make it up as we go along. We may be stupid . . . but we're not clever!-F & L We need more unemployed politicians. We Need Your Quotes! Lets see the toteboard, Captain... We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing. We now return you to your regular programming... We preserve our freedom using three boxes: ballot, jury, and cartridge. We secretly replaced the dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals.. We shall say 'Ni' again to you..if you do not appease us. We walk on like an elephant and back off like a giraffe. We want...a shrubbery... We'd sell out in an instant if someone was buying. We'll always have Paris. [Now, just where did I put it?] We're good. Damned good. We're INNNSAAAAANE! Oh, wait. That's Crazy Eddie, isn't it? We're lost, but we're making good time. We're off to see the wizard.... We're only immortal - for a limited time ... We're SICK, SICK, SICK. But happy. We've been *there*, and found it boring... We've got a problem, HAL. We've got computers,we're tapping phone lines. We've got OFFICIAL PERMISSION to do this. We've got to end this foolishness. We've replaced the dilithium crystals with Folgers Crystals! Weinberg's First Law: Progress is made on alternate Fridays. Weird, is a relative term - Frank N. Furter Welcome, gentle Sir Knight, to the Castle Anthrax! Welcome my son, welcome to the machine - PF Welcome to my nightmare. Welcome to PA! State slogan: "Be Prepared to Stop" Welcome to the Current Middle Ages! Welcome to Westworld, where nothing can go wornggg... Well at least I think we are average Well done is better then well said. Well, excu-u-u-u-se me. Well feed me bran and call me irregular! Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords. Well, hey, it's the neighborly thing to do, ain't it? Well, I did a backup three weeks ago... Well, is it better to burn out or fade away? Well - it COULD happen...... Well, it looks better with the scope on calibrate Well, Ok, but just a QWKie... Well, that's a lie...I DO bite... Well what is it you want? We want..... A SHRUBBERY!!!! Well, whips and chains are Hardware, right? Well, why not? Well, you were warned. Weren't we here to drain the swamp? Whad'ya mean I need a license to do that??! Whadya know? Not much, you? What a *senseless* waste of human life. What a coincidence! I've been there!!!!  What a long, strange trip it's been! What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY! What are you going to do with your life? What are you gonna do? Bleed on me? What are you staring at ? What are you trained to do? What Are You Looking For Down Here? What Are You Looking For? Nothing's Here! What Bug! I left behind the roaches in New York! What can be put in a nutshell ought to stay there! What can I say? I'm awestruck. What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas? What causes the holes in Swiss cheese? What do SHEEP dream of? What do we do now What do you mean I'm NUTS!!! What do you mean, lupins? What do you mean you "formated" the cat?!? What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? Hop in! What do you see when you turn out the light?? What do you want? Good Graphics or Good Taste. What does the Infantry call Airborne? Skeet Shoot!!! What ever you do, DON'T STEP IN IT! What follows 2 days of rain?????? - Monday What fools these morals be? What good is knowledge if you don't share it? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone? What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull What hope is there for the world if I die? What I lack in restraint, I make up for in remorse. What I like about MS is its loyalty to customers! What if there were no hypothetical situations? What If We Were Our Reflection's Reflection? What is food to one, is to others bitter poison/Lucretius What is is the was of what will be... What is the avg. air speed of an un-laden swallow? What is the color when black is burned. What is the output of a vacuum pump? What isn't tried won't work. What kind of 'kludge' is that, Dave? What kind of a problem, Dave? What made you think I like taglines? What me Worry? **-Alfred E. Neuman-** What more do you want? A T-Shirt? What soon grows old? Gratitude. Aristotle What the *HELL* is Fahrvegnugen? What the heck happened here??!! What the heck is that?????....is it contagious? What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away. What this country needs is a good 5 dollar plasma weapon. What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING! What to do about ignorance & apathy? Who knows?Who cares? What universe is this, please? What, us .BATs? V^^^\_o^o_/^^^V What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread? What we have here is a failure to communicate! What we have here... Is a failure to accumulate.... Ernest P.W. What we need is a Pizza Door and a Beer Door What we need is Scratch N Sniff taglines! What you do not want done to you, do not do to others. What you see is what you read What... Me Worry? What...is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? What...is the capital of Assyria? What? Me worry? I have a backup.....somewhere..... What?!? DOSSHELL *isn't* supposed to be a joke? What's a Grecian Urn? oh about $4.95 an hour What's all this talk about hellfire & Dalmations? What's another word for "Thesaurus"? What's the point spread on WWIII? - R.Reagan What's worth doing is worth doing for money. Whatever it is - I'm against it! Whatever you do, you'll regret it. Whats a Grecian urn? Oh, about 20 drachmas an hour. Whats this big red ke........................ Whats yellow & points North? a Magnetic banana Whatsa matter Colonel Sanders.......CHICKEN? When a room shakes, Californians instinctively look up. When all are one and one is all ... When all else fails, call Forsberg at home! When all else fails, follow instructions. When all else fails, PANIC! When all else fails, read the manual. When all else fails, use the defaults! When all you got's a hammer, every problem becomes a nail When asked "What is a friend," Zeno ans'd "Another I." When can I give DOS the boot? When concrete shakes beneath thee, one has found a true sub-woofer. When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose? When did my wild oats turn to shredded wheat? When DOS grows up it wants to be OS/2! When grasping at straws, any straw will do. When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now... When I grow up -- I want to be a Politician When in doubt ... try a novel approach! When in doubt, delegate. When in doubt, do as the doubters do. When in doubt, do what the President does, guess When in doubt, mumble, when in trouble, delegate." When in doubt, press Ctrl-Alt-Del. When in doubt, tell the truth M. Twain When is a mouse a rat? When it eats memory! When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing. When it's up to your ears, keep your mouth shut! When nothing else will do. When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns. When somone on trial tells the truth a lawyer objects! When talking nonsense try not to be serious. When the fun and games are over, the serious foolishness starts. When the Gods want to punish us, they give us what we want. When the going gets tough... The tough go drinking. When the going gets weird, the weird travels. When the going gets weird the weird turns Pro When theres no problem,you've overlooked something When things just can't get any worse, they will. When truth entails tremendous ruin, lies are pardoned. When we think, life thinks. When wine goes in, secrets come out. When you are over the hill, you pick up speed... When you go far enough, you'll meet yourself. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. When you know, you know; when you don't know, admit it. When you pass the buck, don't expect to get change back! When you run out of time you run out of everything. When your argument is weak tell the 'BIG LIE' When your computer has a virus, DON'T use chicken soup! Whenever you use a jump, be sure of your destination Where am I? Operator trace this call. Where any such silliness remains unchecked. Where anything can happen, but usually doesn't. Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket? Where bribes are cheerfully accepted. Where can I buy the Chia-pet computer ?? Where do all the infinitesimals go? Where do all the Masochists go to get abused? Where do broken hard disks go? Where do you find 100 talking invertebrates? The US Senate Where does it go when you flush? Where everyone knows everything about nothing. Where intellectual giants come to frolic...it's a pity they never post. Where is Ed and the $20 million? Where is the ANY key when you want it. Where it is *always* time to make the doughnuts. Where keeping crumbs out of the keyboard is an art-form. Where mind and spirit come together and have a real good time. Where nothing is simple, except for some of the users. Where oil and water DO mix. Where service isn't just a word; it's a noun. Where the $#!/& IS Carmen San-Diego??? Where the 60's never really ended. Where the beat goes on...*Boom-shaka-laka-boom-boom-boom..* Where the fun never stops. Never starts, either. Where the heck is the key?? Where the intelligence is high, and the moustaches are cheesy. Where the keyboard is mightier than the sword. Where the message base is in 3D. Where the Pentagon buys its toilet paper. Where the Sex Pistols learned to play. Where there is light, there are bugs. Where there's a will ... there's a relative. Where there's a will, there's a happy Lawyer! Where there's a will, there's a probate Where there's a will, there's a won't. Where there's a witch, there's a way Where there's smoke, there's toast Where Time has no meaning. Where two wrongs don't make a right, but they make us feel real good. Where we put stupid and offensive quotes up, just for you! Where were YOU the night of Nov 22, 1963? Where will you spend eternity? Heaven or Hell? Where you can talk to people without using up saliva. Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit. Where's the brake on this thing? Where'z dat Waskally Wabbit! Wherever I go, there I am. Wherever I go, thereereere I am, Pooh mused. Wherever you've been...you're not there NOW! Wherewedon'tcareifyoudon'tleaveaspacebetweenyourwords. Which is the non-smoking lifeboat? While (!cat) play (mouse); While drunk, O'Brien builds a leprechaun transporter. While there's life, there's hope. Cicero (43 BC) WHILE (length(walk) > length(pier)) DO BEGIN Whip me, beat me, make me write bad software. Whip me, beat me, make me write bad cheques. Who-ho-ho!! This is no Tupperware party! Who is actually sponsoring this message? Who is Dr. Who? Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? Who said TV is a vast wasteland? Who teach- don't know. Who know- don't teach. Who the heck reads taglines anyway? Who's Jim Varney?, he asked earnestly? Whoever dies with the most toys... is still dead! Whom the gods destroy, they first teach Windows... Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion. Why are there no blue M&M's? Why are there so many actors in this movie? Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? Why are you carrying that fish around? For the halibut.. Why be anyone else when you can be me? Why be NoRmAl? Why bother phoning a psychic? Let them phone you! Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free? Why can't life have a "Snooze" button? Why can't women put the toilet seat BACK UP ! Why did he ask me that & Does he know something Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why do I do these things to myself? Why do I do this? Money, lots and lots of money. Why do I have to Work for a living? Why do politicians think it's federal money? Why do they call them briefings when they take SO LONG? Why do those that pay the least complain the most? Why do tornadoes only hit trailer parks? Why do we do it? WE DON'T KNOW! Why does bread always fall butter side down? Why don't cats like to swim? Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. Why give the temperature of the airport??? No one lives there... Why, I oughta ... ! Why is "ABBREVIATION" such a long word? Why is everyone complaining about "youth in Asia?" Why is it called "rush hour" if it's so damn slow? Why is it good to be rational? Why is there a watermelon on the bandsaw? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream???? Why is your nose black? Your snorting laser toner? Why isn't phonetically spelled that way? Why look thru Windows? Open the door to the future: OS/2 Will that be cache or chkdsk? Why not just press enter for a few days? Why not REPLY and make this person happy!! Why put off till tomorrow what you'll never do anyway? Why should I add to my troubles by facing reality? Why should I read? Its only words. Why stop now, just when I'm hating it? Why training bras? What can we teach them. Why use a big, long word when a diminutive one will suffice? Why would a Woodchuck want to chuck wood anyway? Why yes, they are Bugle Boy beans. Why's the alphabet in that order? Because of that song? Wile E. Coyote... Super genius Will I dream? - HAL-9000 Will it ever end? Will that be cache or chkdsk? Will you come quietly, or shall I use ear plugs? Win3.1? For fast relief call 800-3-IBM-OS2. Windows 3 - the MAC for the rest of us! Windows 3.1 : Microsoft's ode to P. T. Barnum Windows 3.1 Solution to a non-existent problem.... Windows 3.1 - The colorful clown suit for DOS. Windows doesn't kill you, it's the glass when it crashes. Windows Error: 002 No error, yet. Windows has crashed more systems than Stoned Windows - how to turn a 486 into an Etch-A-Sketch! Windows Ice Cream: Hoggin DOS Windows is a False Prophet - Vodka is the True Messiah Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. Windows is to speed what the Abacus is to Calculus Windows isn't a virus: viruses do something! Windows isn't crippleware: it's "Fuctionally Challenged" Windows NT: From the makers of Windows 3.1! Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared. Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so... Windows to 486/50 mhz cpu: Don't rush me, don't rush me... Windows turned my 386 into a 10 Mhz XT ! Windows UCR: Unrecoverable Customers Resources Windows UKD: Unexplained Keyboard Destructions Windows UMP: Unjustified Microsoft Profits Windows UMT: Unstoppable Mouse Trajectories Windows UPB: Unrecoverable Pain in the Butt Windows would be better with curtains. WINDOWS, from the people that brought you EDLIN! WINDOWS MULTITASKS! (in a DesqView window) Windows: an 80486 to XT Conversion Kit. Windows: big, expensive, pretty virus. Windows: From the folks who brought you EDLIN! Windows: Just another pane in the glass. Windows: The best $89 solitare game you can buy. Windows: The CP/M of the future! Windows: The Gates of hell. Windows? We don't need no stinking Windows! Windoze, is changing....it's getting poorer faster! Windws is ine for bckgroun comunicaions Winter is Natures way of saying, Up Yours! Wire Puller: (n), A seasoned 1004 programmer Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. Wisdom outweighs any wealth. Sophocles (406 BC) Witches ride brooms because Nature abhors a vacuum With a modem, I can take on the world! With friends like these, who needs to hallucinate? With one foot in his mouth he stated, Hmmmm, emmmm woooo hhhhcccchh. With schizophrenia you're never alone! Without fools there would be no wisdom. Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless Without Time Everything Would Happen At Once! Woking on water is dangerous. Women do come with instructions, ask them! Women: You can't live with them, pass the beer nuts- Norm WON, TOO, THRE, FOR. . . _Duz_ spelling count?? Wonderful music. My compliments to the clef. Wonderful!! Simply Wonderful!! WOOF WOOF ,thats my other dog immitation... Woof! Gasp! Choke! yes, I do have people telling me all the time WordPerfect isn't, Pagemaker doesn't, etc., etc., etc.... Words, 25 ea. Better quality words, 50 ea. Words must be weighed, not counted. Wordstar users - Ctrl-KQ to you, too. Worf: "Shields failing!" Picard: "Give 'em more homework" Work expands to exceed the time allotted. Work, is a four letter word. Work is just something to do between breaks Work to become, not to acquire. - Confucius Workersoftheworldunite. World's First Parallel Processed Human Being. Worry casts a huge shadow on a small problem. Worry is as effective as shoveling smoke. Would a Muslim vampire be scared of the Koran? Would you buy a Pontiac from this, er, man? Would you stand up and walk out on me?? Wow! It IS raining cats and dogs! I'm outta here. WOW! Look at the *size* of that.....briefcase. Write all complaints legibly -> [ ] Write right With Xywrite Write your complaints in this box -----> [] Writer's Rule #1: Have something to say! Writing a good LSAT was the start of my decline WWhhaatt ddooeess DDUUPPLLEEXX mmeeaann?? WYPIWYG= What You Printed Is What You've Got. WYTYSYDG -What you thought you saw, you didn't get. --X-- : You are Here Xerox, all they ever do is copy. Xerox never comes up with anything original. Ya want a stupid answer? Ask me anything! Ya.. But if it worked 1st time.. What fun would it be? Ya'll come back now ya hear. Yawning at X-rated movie: Indecent composure. Yea, verily do many strange things come to be. Yeah, I'm a hi-skool grajuit... wanna make somthin outta it? Yeah, maybe we ARE apathetic, but we Just Don't Care. Years, education and understanding offtimes are foes. Yep! you bet... What was that you said? Yer motherboard wears combat reboots Yes, but did you read the REALLY fine print? Yes, God has a sense of humor! I'm here, ain't I? Yes, I know I'm still off topic. Yes, I'm in a very GUMBY mood today. Yes, in scene 4 we vaporize the actor and ... Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!! YES!! eh, NO!!! oh, well MAYBE!!!!!!!! Yesterday, I worried about tomorrow and today all is well Yield to temptation..it may be your only chance! Yogi Bare was a Buddhist Nudist. Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant!  Daffy Duck of Borg You *must* be kidding! You are getting sleepy... you are getting very sleepy... You are here ---------------------> * You are in a maze of twisty little directories, all alike You are in a maze of twisty subroutines, all alike. You are IT! Really now... I'm not kidding here... You been bungy jumping with a cord that was a bit long? You Bet Your ASCII You bought a VCR because wrestling is on the same time as BINGO? You can always break glass with a sledgehammer. You can disagree without being disagreeable. You can have peace. Or you can have freedom: LL You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. You can lead a man to ponder; you cannot make him think. You can log off any time you like, but you can never leave. You can observe a lot just by watching. You can plug in Virtually anywhere You can stop reading now, I've finished my message You can't be first, but you can be next. You can't fool me--there ain't no sanity clause. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd.... You can't un-melt a snowflake... You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit. You cannot dry dishes with a wet towel You cannot kill time without injuring eternity You cannot teach a crab to walk straight. Aristophanes You Cannot Escape! Resistance Is Futile! You could do better, but why bother? You did WHAT with TurboTax??? OMG!! You DIDN'T hear it from me! You don't get it boy, this is an operating table. You don't have to be intelligent to use it but it helps. You don't have to worry about that: it's virtual! You don't need to be a cannibal to be fed up with people. You fool! That's the History Eraser Button!!! You go to heaven....God sneezes... What do you say? You GOTS to be kidding! You gotta know when to code 'em, know when to modem. You have been selected for a secret mission. You have the right to remain silent.... You hold 'em off, I'll go for help. (heh-heh-heh) You just can't beat cubic inches. You just contradicted me! You knew the job was dangerous when you took it! You know how to win a victory, but not how to use it. You know, names aren't magic. They are merely handles. You know you're dieting when postage stamps taste good. You know...in a hundred years I just might get to like you. You live and learn. Or you don't live long. You lost WHAT source code? You made my head explode. You make ends meet...and they hate each other! You make it we take it. You mean I can send mail to myself? You mean, we have ANOTHER modem to feed? You misunderstood. Bush ACTUALLY said 'No nude Texans.' You never act da way ya should & I like it. You never knew what you were missing. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. You said Windows was a Power Tool??? You see what I'm sayin'? You send `em to school ... they eat the books. You shall know the truth, and it shall make you odd. You swallowed a WHAT? You think paying an expert is expensive? Try an amateur! You think that's bad? You think you have troubles? My sundial is slow. You want it when ?? You want me to clean what??? You want to smell my WHAT? You were a stranger to sorrow; thus fate has cursed you. You were told not to feed me after midnight! You will always find something in the last place you look. You will be tested on the above material! You will be told about it tomorrow. You will spend the rest of your life in the future. You won first prize..! Send me $50. and I'll send your prize! You'd think we'd be tired of this by now, but what do YOU know. You'll get what's coming to you.. Unless it's mailed. You'll know when your ready for it. You'll never get there and if you do, you won't know. You'll pay to know what you really think! You're a Redneck if: Your entertained by a 6-pack and a bug-zapper. You're all insane and trying to steal my magic bag You're born single, profit from the experience You're not going into a song while I'm here! You're so vain I bet you think this tagline's about you. You're soaking in it You've got to hand it to the IRS. If not, they'll come and take it. Your average mind numbing, brain-blowing experience. Your bootsector is being destroyed! Your code will not compile cleanly as written. Your computer does what????? Your computer will self-destruct in 5 seconds Your descendants shall gather your fruits. Virgil Your E-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage. Your epidermis is showing! Your ex just called. She's with the IRS now. Your family tree has no branches. Your Freudian slip is showing. Your hair's thinning - Who wants fat hair? Your lucky number has been discontinued. Your Lucky Color Is Fading. Your so out to lunch you make me hungry. Yours is no disgrace. Yow! Are we laid back yet? YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!" Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation. ZENOCIDE: The killing of ancient philosophers ZIPidy do Da, ARCidy Day . . . ZMODEM has bigger bits, softer blocks, and tighter ASCII [ This quote intentionally left blank ] . [] my job. [] my boss. I'm self employed! -------- <-- Tribble-kabob ۲ Dolby SURROUND ػؼTAGLINEؼFROMػHELLؼػؼ <- Scratch here to reveal prize.... ޳޳޳ Generic Tagline TAGLINEEXTENDER͹  OH NO, a worm in my Hard-drive!