This booklet is made possible by the voluntary freely given Tithes and Offerings of the membership of The True Church of God and those who have elected to support the work of The True Church of God. Contributions are welcomed and gratefully accepted. Those who wish to voluntarily aid and support this work of God's Kingdom are gradly welcomed as co-workers in this major effort to preach the Gospel to all nations. ADDITIONAL READING: How to Have A Happy Marriage The Road to Godly Youth How To Create a Happy Home WRITE TO: True Witness Ministries P.O. Box 386 Port Jefferson, New York 11777 A Ministry of The True Church of God 2341 Third Avenue N.Y., N.Y. 10035 SEVEN SECRETS OF CHILD TRAINING by Thomas Streitferdt Sr. Pastor-Teacher True Witness Ministries New York, New York Copyright 1995 Printed in the United States of America The rapid rate of juvenile delinquency affords tragic evidence that bringing up children has become a lost art. All too many are not "brought up" at all, but largely left to do as they please. As a result, in some states, more than sixty percent of persons arrested for crimes of violence are juveniles. Yet it is not necessary that boys and girls should be so troublesome. They do not have to be rude, insolent, disobedient, sadistic little vandals. Right upbringing will make them the nicest youngsters in the world. With proper care and training, they can be like angels. "Train up a child in the way he should go" says your Bible, "and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6) Training is the essential word. It embraces thoughtful planning, enduring determination and infinite patience. It is no job for weaklings. It is the most vital task ever committed to men and women. It demands the utmost and best from them. The trouble is, that many parents have never learned how to train their children. They are at their wit's end to know what to do with them. In their hearts, they long to bring them up right, but how to go about it is beyond them. They stand by helplessly as their boys and girls get out of hand and join the lost generation of cynical, rebellious youth. Many of these disappointed parents, have poured out their troubles to me over the years. They have expressed consternation that their beautiful plans have gone awry. They are certain that they have had a bad stroke of luck. They want to know how it happens that our two children, and four grandchildren have chosen to serve the Lord in His Kingdom. In reference to our two children and their companions in life, they have chosen christian service for their life's work. "You are so fortunate" they say, "you must have had a lot of luck." Luck indeed! Just as though bringing up a family for God is a matter of luck! Luck has nothing to do with it. It is just plain hard work plus the blessing of God. Of course, it means being everlastingly on the job, day and night, from childhood to youth, from youth to manhood and womanhood. It means making your home a "Kingdom of God home" without hypocrisy. It means setting a proper example for your children of christian love. There are seven secrets of child training. It may not work in every case. Parents are so different, children are so different, so are circumstances and environments. These suggestions coming from the Scriptures seem to help many people. Maybe, if you are a parent, they will help you. You will find them strongly supported in your Bible. Here is the first: 1. WATCH OVER YOUR CHILDREN WITH CEASELESS VIGILANCE. If you want to bring up your children right, you cannot leave them half-time with the neighbors. The best baby-sitter in the world is no substitute for Mother. You say, "In our family, Mother has to go out to work." More is the pity. If at all possible, and sometimes it is impossible, she should stay home with the children. You will argue, "How else would we make our monthly payments on the car, the refrigerator, the freezer, the radio, the television set, the home?" That is a problem. Maybe you will have to choose between these gadgets and your children. You could end up with a lot of machinery and a broken heart. My wife and I decided that the interest of the children should come first. My wife has not worked outside of the home, since our first baby was born. That was a long time ago. Throughout all these years, she has spent guiding, training and helping the children and then the grandchildren in ways without number. "You must have had a lot of money then." On the contrary, when the children were small, we had very little. Then, we had very few possessions; no refrigerator, no washing machine, no freezer, no disposal and of course, no television. We did have a radio and an ice-box. We did not get our first second-hand car until long after our youngest child was born. My wife and I made a decision under God, that our children were more important to us than possessions. We have followed that practice through our lives to this point. My wife was always there when the children came home from school. Whenever they entered the house, there was always that radiant welcome that only a mother can give. Always, she was interested in all that concerned them; ready to meet their needs, answer their questions, help them to make right decisions and warn them against temptation. No woman, worn out from a hard day's work with all of the family chores still to do, can do a job like this properly. 2. MAINTAIN YOUR GOD-APPOINTED LEADERSHIP God intends that parents, not the children, shall direct the household. (See Genesis 18:19.) As you value the peace and happiness of your home, do not surrender the leadership. There was a time when some educators advocated leaving children free to do just about what they like, lest they develop a complex. However, experience have proved that such ideas are unsold. After all, what are parents for, if not to plan the program of their homes and give directions to their children's lives. Upon them is laid the responsibility to guide, to counsel, and to lead. If they fail to live up to this responsibility, they invite only calamity and sorrow. A colt, a lamb, a calf or a puppy stays with its mother but a few days or weeks. Boys and girls, under normal circumstances remain with their parents for years. Why? By accident or design? Surely it is because God planned it so. He meant that this precious time was to be used by parents to lead their little ones in the way they should go; to bring them up to be obedient, unselfish and reverent, in all their thinking; gracious in all their ways. Parents have a long-term job. Take as a good example, the childhood and the young adulthood of our precious Savior, Jesus Christ. We know from the Scriptures that He was brought up by His mother Mary and His step-father Joseph. They took Him with them to Jerusalem when He was twelve years of age. They showed their concern for Him when they went back to Jerusalem to look for Him. The reason they did not miss Him at first was that they thought He was with relatives. They found Him in the temple. The Scripture says that He went home with them. He was subject unto them and grew in stature and wisdom before God and man. The next sight we have of Jesus in the Scriptures, is when He turned thirty and was baptized of John in the river Jordan. Jesus is the perfect example of a child raised and brought up by His parents, to serve God and to be a good citizen in the land in which they lived. Parents must exercise discipline over their children, that word which nobody likes to use anymore. Yet, discipline is necessary as part of the job of parenthood. It means saying what is to be done, and seeing that it is done, and cause application of gentle but determined pressure when and where necessary. The apostle Paul had something to say on this subject. First to children: "Children," he said, "Obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth." (Ephesians 6:1-3) This may sound like old-fashioned advice, but it has lost no value nor virtue with the passing years. Equally timely is his counsel to parents. "Fathers," he said, "Provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (verse 4) Discipline takes time, thought, care and judgement but it makes all the difference between an orderly home and a bedlam. Dispense with it for fear of some complex and you will pay for your slackness for the rest of your life; so will the children. They will never know the kind of home God planned for them, and they will escape from the confusion as soon as they can. 3. HELP YOUR CHILDREN TO FIND GOD FOR THEMSELVES AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE This is vital. Let their earliest thoughts be about Jesus and His love. As soon as they can read, teach them to study their Bible by themselves. Make sure that they know by heart the commandments of Jesus, the twenty-third Psalm, the beatitudes and other great passages of Scripture. Urge them to say their prayers by their own bedsides every night before they go to sleep, and every morning when they get up. Thus, they will develop priceless habits which will stay with them through life. What about family worship? By all means have it as often as you can. Gather the children around you, and read to them the grand old Bible stories. Have them all pray aloud and repeat the Lord's prayer together at the close. It is a glorious thing to do, and it will be a precious memory in the children's minds in years to come. But even more important, is the personal Bible study, the private praying whereby each individual child builds up his or her connection with God. Children will pray for all sorts of strange and wonderful things. I have come to believe that God takes special delight in answering children's prayers and that He does so in order to strengthen their faith in Him. Children who come to regard Jesus as their firm true friend in their earliest days will turn to Him in periods of stress and strain in years to come. In youth, they will "storm the battlements of heaven" in His name and give their lives to His service. 4. KEEP YOUR CHILDREN BUSY The old saying that "Satan finds some mischief for idle hands to do" still has a lot of truth in it. Children are normally so full of life that if they are not engaged in something good, they will surely be up to mischief. This does not mean that parents should be slave-drivers thinking upon one task after another for their children to do. That does not make for a happy family. Children must have time to play, but they should be led to understand that it is their responsibility to help keep the home going. Just as soon as they are old enough to do little jobs around the home, they should be taught to do them. It is not right that Mother should always be the one to get the supper ready and wash the dishes, while John and Mary watch television programs or play some game on their living room floor. Children can be marvelous helpers around the home if they are taught to do their part when they are very young. You must get across the idea that it is their duty and privilege to keep the home running and looking nice because it is THEIR home. They must stop at nothing in their desire to help. They will do the dusting and the floor washing and the lawn-cutting, without your having to ask them, and without holding out their hands to be paid for every little service. 5. LAY RESPONSIBILITIES UPON YOUR CHILDREN, SEE THAT THEY CARRY THEM OUT. This will teach them self-reliance and make them trustworthy in days to come. Of course, this will take time too. It is easy enough to give a child a job, but considerably more difficult to see that it is done. It takes real perseverance to insist that it be done over and over until it is done right. Yet, only so can one build character. One of the curses of the present age is: "passing the buck", otherwise known as "let Bill do it." Work is regarded as something to be passed by; to be by-passed if possible......no matter how slip-shod the way in which a task is carried out. The remedy for this disease of irresponsibility may be applied in childhood. Little Johnny must be made to understand that when Mother or Father gives him a job, he must do it to the best of his ability. Little Mary must learn that she cannot escape her responsibilities even with the most subtle excuses. Children trained like this will grow into dependable youth. It will be natural for them to be faithful in every trust. And when at last they leave home to take up their life's work, the world will welcome them. 6. MAKE THEM THE TREASURE-HOUSE OF NEW IDEAS When the children are old enough to read by themselves, introduce them to good books and magazines. First, of course, you must set the example by yourself reading good books and magazines. This will take more time, because you will have to read the books and magazines yourselves to find out which are good and which are not. Remember that one "bad book or comic" can influence your child's mind for life. Keep strong control on all reading matter coming into your home. When opportunity offers, explain why some things are good, and others are bad. The same applies to television programs. Keep control of the remote. As the divinely appointed leaders of the home, parents have the right and the duty to decide the kinds of programs the children should look at. They should take time to explain why they turn one program off and another one on. The explanation, when given wisely, kindly and firmly will cause children to see the correctness of the decision and will make the same right choices, when there is no grown up around to tell them what to do. 7. MAKE HOME THE CENTRAL ATTRACTION Plan things to make the children happy. Take time to play with them. I repeat, TAKE TIME TO PLAY WITH THEM. Make them feel that they are wanted. Let them know you love them. Have them to invite their friends, at the proper times, of course. Above all, read to them. Children love to be read to. There is no music like the sound of Mother's or Father's voice. The result of all this will be that the children will look upon home, as the most beautiful place in the world. They won't be forever running off to the neighbor's or to the movies, or to the skating rink, or to the ball-game. To them, there will be no joy quite like, just being home. In years to come, such a home will provide an anchor amid the storms of life. LET'S REVIEW 1. "A room or area for the children that they may play, read or experiment is a wonderful addition to any home or apartment. It can be a regular laboratory for mental social development." 2. "Children are a part of the family. They should carry part of the load of home duties, for example: dish-washing, bed-making and cleaning are necessary tasks which are best learned in childhood" 3. "Parents should teach children to study their Bible lessons for themselves, acquainted with the great Scripture passages. A habit of daily prayer should be acquired early." 4. "There is no substitute for Mother or Father. For Mother, there is no substitute for Mother being always at home when the children are there - before school, after school, bedtime and meal-times, Mother is the center of the home life." 5. "One of the tasks of a faithful parent, particularly Mother, is to know at all times just what the children are doing. Keep your children in sight. Eternal vigilance is the price of success." END MY NOTES...