Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up. My reality check just bounced. Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a Press any key to continue or any other key to quit Hello, I am part number ۳ We all live in a yellow subroutine. On a clear disk you can seek forever All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch! hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forogt.. To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa. DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality Don't eat yellow snow! Resistence is useless!!(if less than 1 ohm). Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! And God said: E = mv - Ze/r, and there was light! A 100% right of return both ways. Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail. I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! Remember, Speed kills! Try Windows to relax AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse THE ROAD TO SUCCESS IS ALWAYS UNDER CONSTRUCTION. As I said before, I NEVER repeat myself He who laughs last is S-L-O-W. Your reality check just bounced. Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy! Radioactive halibut will make fission chips. Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise! To err is Human. To blame someone else is politics. "Who is #1?" "You are, #6." Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out. Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN! Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Don't let school interfere with your education. Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!! SYNTAX? Why not--they tax everything else! Drive A: not responding...Formatting C: instead I'm easy to please as long as I get my way. Assumption is the mother of all screwups To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer! If you can't make it good, make it big. Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do. From the Department of Redundancy Dept. The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 back into a PC/XT. Turn your 486 into an XT--just add Windows! Pascal: What's it Wirth? Two wrongs don't make a right. Try three. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 "If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates (Dos + Windows + ATM) < OS/2 Warp! Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. Bugs come in through open Windows. Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows! Don't be held back by yesterday's DOS! Try today's OS/2! Dos: Venerable. Windows: Vulnerable. OS/2: Viable. DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... Double your drive space! Delete Windows! Friends don't let friends use Windows. Have you crashed your Windows today? He who laughs last uses OS/2. How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder! How do you spell relief? OS/2! I don't do Windows, but OS/2 does. I smashed a Window and saw... OS/2. If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. If Windows sucked it would be good for something. If you want it done right, forget Microsoft. MASOCHIST: Windows SDK programmer with a smile! My best view from a Window was through OS/2. One man's Windows are another man's walls. OS/2: Taking the wind out of Windows. OS/2: Bill Gates' worst nightmare! OS/2: Logic, not magic. OS/2: Not just another pretty program loader! OS/2: The choice of the next generation. OS/2: Windows done RIGHT! OS/2: Windows with bullet-proof glass. OS/2: Your brain. Windows: Your brain on drugs. See the Future; See OS/2. Be the Future; Run OS/2. Speed Kills - Use Windows! The best way to accelerate Windows is at escape velocity. The sad thing about Windows bashing is it's all true. To whom the gods destroy, they first teach Windows... Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\> Get OS/2 2.x - the best Windows tip around! Walk through doors, don't crawl through Windows. What I like about MS is its loyalty to customers! When DOS grows up it wants to be OS/2! Why look thru Windows? Open the door to the future: OS/2 Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. Windows isn't crippleware: it's "Fuctionally Challenged" Windows NT: From the makers of Windows 3.0! Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared. Windows: A View to be Killed. Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error! Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN! Windows: The CP/M of the future! Windows: The Gates of hell. Windws is ine for bckgroun comunicaions You're throwing it all out the Windows! I went window shopping...and bought OS/2! OS/2 means...CURTAINS for Windows! OS/2...Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates. For a good time, call 1-800-3IBMOS2 Win3.1? For fast relief call 800-3-IBM-OS2. Senility is a.....What was I talking about? Caffeine and Nicotine -- The Breakfast of Champions If I take a nude cruise will everyone yell "BON VOYEUR!!"? Does anyone play Nintendo anymore?? That's not a knife, Now that's a KNIFE ===|<<<<========---- Drive Not Ready--(R)etry, (G)oto Impulse, (C)all Geordi Weendows? We don't don need no steenkin Weendows!! I can resist everything except temptation. I can feel it. My mind. It's going, I can feel it. How did they survive the Crusades without Duct Tape? Earning money would be fun if it wasn't so taxing. Get the facts first then you can distort them as much as you please! *ding* HUMOROUS TAGLINE FOUND, INITIATING THEFT SEQUENCE. Where am I and what am I doing in this handbasket? Viking Foreplay: "HEY! YOU! C'MERE!" Yes, but you're taking the universe out of context. Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded! Don't be so open minded that your brains leak out. Seek your friends with moments to share, Not moments to waste. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. When life gets weird, the weird get a life. :) Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. "I say we nuke the site from Orbit, it's the only way to be sure" I am a wierd person in a normal Chaotic world. (((((This message in Stereo where available))))) Whatever you do, take care of your shoes. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. Have you hugged your fire lizard today? Rush Limbaugh--a 300 lb. bull in the liberal china shop. NEVER lie to a telepath or an empath. It WON'T work. I'm weird, but around here it's barely noticeable. "Reality" is that which is dreamed the longest. Know yourself and you know the truth, and the truth sets you free. Reality Meter [....../] But what will we do with all this reality. I know a good tagline when I tagnap one. Silence is evidence of a superb command of the language. ...... <- Stealth Tagline Emptiness is filling me Your mother dates KENNEDY's! Themosthorrendouslydifficultproblemwithtaglinesisfindingenoughspace!! I'm a weird person in a normal chaotic world. I DID IT!!! I invented the unadoptable tagline! Try it. Won't work! Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. Strip Chess gives new meaning to the word 'checkmate'. "And micro brain! Growl for me, show me that you still care!" I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated. Cats really do blink--when hit in the head with a hammer Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP! I'm not evil, I'm "morally challenged". Not tonight, dear. I have a modem. **** Everyone is entitled to my opinion. **** ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done. Real men don't need EXTENDED memory... Debugging=removing bugs. Programming=putting them in. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Do not disturb. I'm disturbed quite enough already. Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. picky picky picky oooops! look out for that black hole honey! Why is it you never run out of TP when you aren't on the john? Don't go off half-cocked - be fully cocked. A feature is a bug with seniority. "... the god of lies?" - Vash "They meant it affectionately." - Q An optimist invented an airplane, a pessimist invented a parachute. Thufferin Thuckotash! If I shaved my head, could I dunk like Jordan? Speed of Lightning, Power of Thunder.....UNDERDOG!!!! Curses! Foiled again! Smoke em if you got em...... This is really stupid! Where do people in Hell tell others there to go? Armed, Dangerous.......and off my medication. You make me wanna staple bagels to my face. Wowsers Inspector Gadget!! "Go Go Gadget Prophylactic!!" - Inspector Gadget at the bordelo Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Do not attempt to traverse a chasm in two leaps. Let them that have eyes see Don't you dare cloud my opinions with facts! "I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone." s.w. RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory Now back to my evil money-grabbing agenda... "I saw a tree fall in the woods. I didn't hear it." s.w. Don't blame me, I voted PEROT! "I used to be a bartender... at the Betty Ford clinic." s.w. "What luck for rulers that men do not think" - A. Hitler "I'm writing and unauthorized auto-biography." s.w. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid you're just a mirage. Are girl scout cookies made from little girl scouts? Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. Keep the Space Station! Clinton will need a new home in '96! Malcolm X? Never saw the first 9!!? This message is for external use only! It is unlawful to remove this tagline. Offenders will be prosecuted! "Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again." - L. Long A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. Blood on the Hurdle - By Wun Hung Low. "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." s.w. Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"? Never let your morals get in the way of doing the right thing. I am Elmer Fudd of Borg. Pwepawe to be Assimiwated. WARNING! Removal of this tagline prohibited by law! Was Jimmy Hendrix's modem a "Purple Hayes"? Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up? Awright, hold it...where's the mutant repellant? "I've fallen, and I can-" *BANG* Lets see you get up now old lady! Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking I object to sex on TV, I keep falling off! "Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing." I've never met a nymphomaniac I didn't like... Taglines not sold by volume. Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping. "He's dead Jim, I've got dibbs on the white meat." Captain, I sense millions of minds focused on my cleavage, Sir. He's dead Jim! Can I have his woman? He's dead Jim....you get his tricoder, I'll grab his wallet! The away team went on a mission and all I got was this lousy T-shirt! "I am Homer of Borg, prepare to be assim...ooohhh DOOOOONUTS!" Tact, (n): The unsaid part of what you are thinking. Kindness kills. Be a son-of-a-bitch and save the world. For God's sake get off! She's dead, Jim! We all live in a yellow submarine...yellow submarine...yellow submarin OUCH!!! I got my Floppy caught in my PKzipper! Double your disk space. Delete Windows & its apps. 癙 ¿ÿ $x $ r $gÿ.... For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients... DOS 6: Nice features, price, bugs! MickySoft strikes again! Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! I am Hugh of BORG. We want Troi. Geordi is our friend. He can watch Atheist problem #6 - No one to talk to during sex. A good scare is better than good advice. Crazy people are God's way of saying "dont get cocky" well it worked on Monty Python! From a chicken in every pot to a chicken smokin' pot! 1993-97: Bill and Al's Bogus Journey. Reagan: The Great Communicator. Clinton: The Great Fabricator. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. Taglines are irrelevant. You will be assimilated into the Blue Wave. Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally. "Never tell me the odds!" I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. It's about to hit the fan! Quick, everyone to the shelter, now! This tagline is umop apisdn! C:\> COPY A:\MOTHER.DNA+B:\FATHER.DNA C:\BABY.EXE 'If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.' - Tim Allen Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. This ain't no upwardly mobile freeway. This is the road to hell. Don't underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of mag tapes Finance majors do it with interest. What distinguishes an IBM-PC from a boat anchor? Segment registers. IBM: You can buy better, but you can't pay more! 1984 - When PC meant Personal Computer instead of Politically Correct Shotgun Wedding: Case of wife or death! Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your taglines! */ <- Tribble with a lightsaber */ \* <- Tribbles Fencing */^ <- Tribble tipping hat *? <- Grandpa Tribble with his cane Token centry planets and how to build them next on -- This Old Sector No one can hear when you're Screaming in Digital! History repeats itself because nobody listens. {enter your tagline here.............................................} "...There's no intelligent life here." Unregistered evaluation tagline. I am Clinton of Borg: resistance is taxable! If nature abhors a vacuum, how do you explain Al Gore?! Screw the Prime Directive... give the Borg a copy of Windows! Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion? Of COURSE I'm on topic. (Which echo is this?) This Old Pyramid - With Bob Vilahotep *\\ *\\ *\\ <- Tribbles Going Skiing Static Kling? isn't that a moon orbiting the Klingon Homeworld? The Borg assimilated my planet and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Confused? Call Counselor Troi, 1-900-NCC-1701, $1.95/min. This score just in: Deep Space 9, Babylon 5. I gotta get me a new hat. - B. J. Moose Yoda am I, of Borg. Assimilated will you be. Backwards ran sentences until swam the mind Age and Treachery will always overcome Youth and Skill Anything worth doing is worth overdoing Who invented copper-wire? Two dutchman found a cent! By the time this message gets back on topic, WE'LL ALL BE DEAD! Watch this space. Now blink. Now go to next message. Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened. Nothing cures a case of nerves like a case of beer! bort etry ail how furry GIF We are Hugh...of Borg. Beverly will be assimilated. Hubba Hubba. Lursa/B'etor '96. Why waste time on an election??? Funny . . . only sensible people agree with me. Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload. "I get no kick from champagne, wooooo. Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me Oh very good, Worf. Eat any good books lately? - Q If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen 'em all. I've brought down bigger men than you, Picard! Vodka + milk of magnesia: Phillips screwdriver... Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Once Again, Constable Odo wins the Twister Championship! Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. Is there a Lawyer in the House? -=}BLAM!{=- Any more!? What's a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? -- A good start Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. I'm not lazy. I'm doing research on inertia. Is this the right sub? Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03. A seven day honeymoon makes one weak. Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some. Prosecutors will be violated PROGRAM: n. used to turn valid data into error messages Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Brevity is the soul of lingerie. The pen is the tongue of the mind. Hot water Heaters: Hot water needs heating? Brown Spots on the Wall - by Who Flungdung. (((((YOU)))))((((ARE))))(((((FEELING)))))((((SLEEPY)))) Old age and treachery beat youth and power every time! If at first you succeed, hide your astonishment. "What?!? This isn't the Files section?!?" Change is inevitable --- except from a vending machine. I'm okay-It's only a flesh wound. Get that file uploaded! Terminator bumper sticker: I TIME TRAVEL NAKED. FidoNet??? What a STUPID name for a dog!!! Multitasking: Make twice the mistakes in half the time. ... h  mr gs But..but... I WAS on topic--for another conference, sure, but... Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department welcomes you. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. How do you get your hair to do that? The smoking of this document is not recommended. Warning! This vehicle is protected by attack faeries! In Case of Fire, Log off Promptly! Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty Blow your mind: Smoke gunpowder! Clinton's Army: Don't Salute, just wink. Join the Rush... Limbaugh in '96! I don't believe the liberal media! Looossseeeee! You got some 'splainin' to do! Oxymoron: Alone Together Documentation - The worst part of programming. I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up! "42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!" Do not disturb. (I am already quite disturbed, thank you.) In space, no one can hear you rip a stinky... If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. I'm outta sick days; I think I'll call in dead. Cum grano salis. ######### <- Scratch Here For Your Instant Antitrust Exemption Cognitive Dissonance: it's not just for crackpots anymore! A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one. If you run out of underwear, you're running too fast. Actions are neither as good nor as evil as impulses. Jesus Saves, Moses invests, but only Buddha pays dividends. To err is human. To moo, bovine. He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. What do you mean? You actually read this Tagline?!? I object Your Honor, Counsel is winning this case.... and I didn't even have to use my dictionary! Gross Ignorance: 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance. I'm sorry, all our operators are busy right now, but please stand by.. Never let an inanimate object know you are in a hurry. Mistress - something between a mister and a mattress. Who needs sex, I have adult access. I'm too sexy for my modem, too sexy fo*l*w^**&?- NO CARRIER Particle Man!!!! Particle Man!!!! Where are you Particle Man? Programming is like sex: one mistake and you support it for life. I drank a beer once but I didn't swallow any of it. Criminal Lawyer....isn't that redundant? What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis alive Reality-ometer: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so... Love Thy Neighbour - But don't get caught. New Mail not found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N) What's another word for thesaurus? I am Microsoftus of Borg. Prepare to be slowed down. Tyranasaurus Rex: 20 ton roadrunner from hell. -Rick Adair If you said what you thought, you'd be speechless. Generic tagline. Suitable for everyday use. Picard - Riker in 96!!! Neurotoxin Lite! Tastes great. Less drooling. Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free. All of life's problems can be solved with the proper caliber. Politics: Poly = many, Tics = Blood sucking parasites. Sit down, you're rocking the boat! A confident manner is important: Computers can sense this! // Of course it worked. Don't act so surprised. To err is human, to forgive ... 5 dollars. Sects, Sects, Sects! Is that ALL you monks ever think about? He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins! Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting. "A kind word & gun get more than just a kind word." - Capone Put on your seatbelt... I wanna try something! Money is the root of all evil, but man needs roots. A social life? What board can I download THAT from? I'm correct 90% of the time...the other 3% doesn't matter I believe in getting into hot water. It keeps you clean. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?? All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. Eight out of five schizophrenics agree! Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I'm Schizophrenic and so am I! Give some people an inch, and they measure it. "Worry. This will hurt." -- Unfriendly Dentist Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark. Knowledge without wisdom is useless. This tagline is under repair. Thank you. But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks? I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, briefed, debriefed, or numbered! "Green.., no..Blue!...AHHHHHHHHHH....." *Get thee down. Be thou funky. There is no job so simple it cannot be done wrong. Some days the only good things on TV are the vase and the clock. Feet smell? Nose runs? Hey! You're built upside-down! Be vewwy vewwy quiet ... I'm hunting taglines. Never search for raisins in a rabbit cage. As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. Wouldn't you like to see the Energizer bunny on a borg ship? Physics Smysics, let's eat. "I'm not the one that misplaced the Deltivid asteroid belt!" - Q Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200! ....Radioactive halibut makes fisson chips If I didn't like you, I'd ignore you. WHOA!!! That was close! You almost caught me caring. Drop this message into any mailbox to return to sender. I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me. Wouldya do it for a Scooby Snack? All right... who siphoned the blood out of my cat? I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later. - - - - - - - - - - - - - cut at the dotted line - - - - - - - - - - - "Gene Police! YOU!! Out of the pool, NOW!" Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and don't care! It's true. I saw it in a cartoon once. (*) (*) <--- Tribbles with shields up Don't drink and write taglines Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. SYSOP: The guy that is laughing at your typing. This is your modem. *h** ** **** m***M ** ***gs. Nothing says "I love you" like 6 hours of SCREAMING SEX! What do you do with a manically depressed Robot? Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent user "Evil always triumphs because good is dumb." - Dark Helmet Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade... "ME or THAT computer" she said... that was yesterday... Tribble -> * Tall tribble with legs -> * Never laugh at a fool... just take his money That's one small node for man, and one big network for mankind. For a cheap thrill, hit ALT-A now! Sysoping : More fun than being beaten with a sledgehammer. Let's hook up the Energizer Bunny to a Die Hard. My other computer is a CRAY! My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. Sometimes I wish I could get a mirror with a better view. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. And all the Borg left was this Macintosh Did the lights go out? QWK? I don't need no stinkin' QWK packet! - FOR SYSOP USE ONLY - Do not write below this line. Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. Printout - A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. It could be worse... (BOOOM) It's worse. A man attempting to walk around the world, drowned today. Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity. Wait!! Don't pick up that teleph#%&L! *&#^%@# NO CARRIER ...only users lose drugs... Oh God, not Troi's mother again! - The entire crew. Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was surprised. Nobody notices when things go right. Straight from the "What it's worth department"! Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery, film at eleven. I'll never forget his last words: "What bus?" *-~ <--Tribble after sex C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN Iraqi rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped once. Write your complaints in this box-----> [] Dyslexics of the world, untie! Explore the galaxy--meet new alien races--blow them away! D.A.M.N.: Naked Mothers Against Dyslexia Shhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet--I'm hunting Womulans! "meooOOW!" SPLAT! "wooOOF!" SPLAT! (Raining Cats & Dogs) Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek... Power corrupts...Absolute Power is kinda neat... And now for something completely different... * <-- Tribble @ <-- Tribble in a whirlpool Necrophilia means never having to say...well, anything. When choosing between two evils, pick the one you haven't tried before Why can't you be a non-conformist, like everyone else? Hope ain't in Arkansas. It's in 1996... Give them 2.54 cm and they'll want 1.61 km!! Dinner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza We want Wes! We want Wes! We want Wes! We want Wes! We want Wes!... Life's a virus and then you format. Come, join the rest of us who are suffering from Pentium envy. I pressed REDIAL on a brand new phone and it had a nervous breakdown. If I wanted your opinion, I'd take you off my Twit List. 486DX2: n. space-heater with a monitor and keyboard. I like children, but my Doctor said I had to give up red meat. #1 on BORG Hit Parade... We all sleep in a single subroutine. Drive nail here [ ] for new monitor. Busy signal detected from modem. Initiating Attack Dial sequence. Who is general failure? And why is he reading my disks? REAL Star Trek fans work out at the He's Dead Gym. Datapath: Look in pile\under desk\in drawers\hall closet\freezer Insert Witty Remark Here --> REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q) My name is Inigo Montoya. You stole my tagline. Prepare to die. Linux: The choice of the GNU Generation..........