Copyright 1996(c)

                         MA BELL AND ME
                         By B. J. Higgs

     Harry Freanks was furious.
     His interest in electronic communication had waned since
everybody got a web site and he no longer needed three telephone
lines and caller I.D. He'd written BellSouth to terminate the third
line and caller I.D. service, including the request in his monthly
payment.
     The charges appeared on his next bill as though he'd never
made a request, and he paid the full amount, this time including
a handwritten note in purple, marked second request.
     In his hand was yet the latest bill, some sixty days since his
initial request, and the charges appeared as usual. What, he
wondered, did one have to do. He called, and got voice-mail. A
charming voice said it was Mrs. Sanders and was either away from
her desk or on another call, but most anxious to receive Harry's
own.
     He left word, and got a call-back. Mrs. Sanders listened to
his story, sympathized and promised to get back to him. 
     "I'm just swamped," said Mrs. Sanders. "I'll get back to you
just as quickly as I can," she promised.
     Another month. Another same-same bill. Another call, this time
even more furious. He left another message for Mrs. Sanders.
     Nothing happened. He decided not to pay the bill and he began
to get notices. His service was interrupted and he had to pay a
deposit to reinstate it. This time, he spoke nose to nose with a
service representative specifically cancelling the third line and
caller I.D.
     When he got his first bill on the reinstated service, it had
an installation charge and still showed three lines and caller I.D.
He gave up.  
     He could not get them to turn off the second line so he
decided to use it on them. He arranged a constant on-line Internet
hook-up and let the charges run. He began to enjoy constant
communication benefits at no cost to himself. 
     Technically, this was stealing. They had been overcharging him
$12 to $15 a month and soon he'd be into them for thousands. It was
carefully confined to the line he'd asked them to terminate, so
Harry saw it as no more than they deserved. If they'd turn it off,
everyone would be happy. He didn't feel a bit guilty.
     Pretty soon it shorted out from fraying that would have been
detected on a yearly inspection except that although he had three
lines and caller I.D., Harry had opted not to have a service
contract. Harry Freanks perished in the fire.
     It's not nice to fool Ma Bell. 

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