RECHUMOR.TXT Perfesser Pundit's rejoinders from the news:rec.humor newsgroup --------------------------------------------------------------- Mon 17-February-1997 "pun [noun]. The humorous use of a word, or words which are formed or sounded alike but have different meanings, in such a way as to play on two or more of the possible applications." --------------------------------------------------------------- >Please post humor relating to fruitcake (the eating variety). Piece of cake! Subject: Re: NEED PRANK**! Check http://www.prank.com :> :OK, so like where's the joke? This is rec.humor right? :> Right, left and center. :What about above and below? Above all below. :The diagonals? Right across. :In front and behind? Behind the front. Subject: Re: Canibal Hey! Who the heck cannibalized even the subject? Subject: Re: How to Annoy people :>:Me too! :>Well done. :I prefer mine medium rare. That's extremely common. :I am looking for any Math tricks. No treat. Subject: Re: Moderated Newsgroups :try :rec.humor.funny Yes. Very trying. Subject: Re: You know you are a computer junkie when.... You frequent rec.humor for your daily dose. Subject: Re: Funniest store names??? Any more in store? > I need alot of money badly; Could anyone help? Simple. Cash in at the organ bank. :You peoples are starting to annoy me... Gee, how ambitious! Taking on all nations? :Confucious Say: "Never pee on electric fence" Where did he steal _that_ one from? Confucius Also Say: Who this Confucious impostiour? Subject: Re: Canibal Is someone with a tongue in cheek a cannibal? Does a cannibal have a foot in mouth? Is a canibal a cannibalized cannibal? Subject: Re: old or retirement jokes :Would appreciate some. Thanks. No problem. Most of the jokes posted here are old. :>this is just a test!!!! :Well it didn't work. You and I are the only ones who got it. Try :again. I don't get it. I get it. >Did you hear about the cannibal who came home from holiday with only >one arm and one leg?~ That's a lame joke. (Courtesy of a fellow punster with unfortunately a bouncing email address.) Subject: Re: Henry Kissinger revisited :>But I thought it was power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts :>absolutely. : :That's the idea! Absolutely! Subject: Re: You know you are a computer junkie when.... :>You frequent rec.humor for your daily dose. :You use it as a laxative? Emetic, rather. Subject: Re: The Metric System A North American wrote: :Our monetary system IS metric Your $0.02's worth? :What does a constipated mathematician do? :Work it out with a pencil. Nah! You do it! Subject: Re: WHY DO FORIEGNERS HATE THE US For the grossposting? : Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Anyway, it is a stiff shift. :I was just downtown in Pittsburgh today, and I walked by an Italian :restaurant called "Mama Pina's". If you say it outloud, it's funny. Even writing outloud is funny. :Did you hear about the new corduroy pillow? Its really making headlines! No, I didn't. Don't keep us in suspense. What is a pillow's really? :There is a small bar in Oregon called "Liquor in the Front and Poker in :the Rear" - seriously We are not serious in here - jokingly :The following was forwarded to me by someone that allegedly paid :$250 for a cookie recipe. Obviously not a cookie. (You figure it out) Subject: Re: F*** You ALL... Weasel wrote: :Timo Salmi wrote: :>Weasel wrote: :>:Timo Salmi wrote: :>:>The ambition and promiscuity of some people! :>:> :>:> All the best, Timo (aka Perfesser Pundit in rec.humor) :>: :>: Eh? Didn't quite catch that one :) :> :>It's just a greeting, like "yours sincerely". : : I meant the "The ambition and promiscuit of some people" part :) : Hook, line and sinker. Newsgroups: rec.humor Subject: Re: Tit Jokes Wanted Try an avian newsgroup. Subject: Re: To all fellow programmers May the source be with you. :Q: How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? :A: just one, but they *want* to use all their force! Sounds a bit fuzzy. Subject: Re: Funny ways to answer the phone Larry Bristol wrote: :Incontenance hotline. Can you hold, please? Whew! How to keep one's countenence? Subject: Re: Toilet problems :there just aren't any more jokes to tell, you can start numbering :the old ones so you can just say, for example, "63!" and everybody :starts roaring with laughter. Ok! Yours is number 2L8. :Please post some Magic or Magician related jokes. Just conjure up a few. :do you have good jokes about germans ? Sorry, I have none germinating. :Try_typing_a_real_long_joke_with_underscores_between-each_and_every_word. :Or-better-still-dashes-! Dashingly witty. :looking for airplane jokes.. in good taste please! ;) Sorry, we can't cater to you. Subject: Re: photography humor :criminal with a mug shot complained vehemently....didnt want to be framed That's what happens when one gets exposed. :OBJ: Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? Easy. I answer to learn who can't get his numbers straight. :What do you call a serial killer who only kills Catholics? :A Mass murderer! Hey, that's from the canonical list of jokes! Stuart A. Bronstein wrote: :The world is divided into two kinds of people. Those who divide the :world into different kinds of people, and those who don't. :(I wonder which group I fall into.) Logical, Stu. Into those who won't. William J. Evans wrote: :The world is divided into three kinds of people: those who can count, :and those who can't. Count me out. :> The world is divided into three kinds of people: those who can count, :> and those who can't. :Let's hope they don't multiply. Let's add that the world is divided on this issue. Subject: Re: It's Almost Time for the Annual Bambi Shoot! :Next Day Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license : into small pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game : Department with detailed instructions on where to place it. So much for the bambicide. :What do men and parking spots have in common? :The good ones are always taken, and the leftovers are always :handicapped! Don't you like golfers? :have it the doctor amputated the wrong leg. So, he was on his last leg! :The man then had to have the :leg with the tumor amputated but he could not sue because. :HE DID NOT HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON! Yuk. You have a terrible sense of tumor. :> Does anyone have any good hunting jokes, especially on deer hunting? Yes, someone shoot! :>And pompous is spelled with an 'o'. Thanks, though. :Two o's, actually. oh oh! :But do you believe in capital punishment? OH SURE. JUST WATCH, HERE GOES! CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. Subject: Re: The Metric Sytem :>:Count the people, then multiply by 2. :>But not with a Pentium. :Oops, I just did. It came to be 5280.0183641083654851487 feet. Aaaargh! Here we go again. We've already heard a 999.98979 of these Pentium jokes. : Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? You tell me. I am glueless. Subject: Re: Joke needs punchine... :What joke? I didn't see any joke,... Not pulling your punchines, eh? :>Is this for real or is it a virus? :I think it is a virus my machine crashed yetarday when I was down :loadind This is a new one. A keyboard driver virus! :What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's disease? :You can hide your own Easter eggs. Hey, just a minute! How will you know that you have to hide the Easter eggs? :>hello jokes newsgroup, sorry I have to do this :We are also sorry you found the need to do it. Pardon my ignorance, but what else are we? :This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual :life you would have received further instructions on where to go :and what to do. See 105100 Sep 14 1980 ftp://garbo.uwasa.fi/doc-misc/faqlife.zip faqlife.zip Further instructions on where to go and what to do :Does anybody have any good animal jokes? You mean really beastly ones? Ron K. Hulen wrote: :* Timo Salmi wrote: :>Mike Pearson wrote: :>:Wendy Aron wrote: :>:>this is just a test!!!! :>:Well it didn't work. You and I are the only ones who got it. Try :>:again. :>I don't get it. I get it. :I had it, but then lost it. Like the dean who lost his faculties? :Hi could anyone tell me where i might find grammer checker :freeware/public domain software? Tell me the site and what the :softwear is called. Best not commented. :Will somebody send me a list of ways to catch people off guard? Sorry, can't find it just now. Seem to have misplaced it somewhere. :Pretty sad that so many people are buying computers just because :"their friends have one". It would be sadder still not having the friends. :> Well, as the girls keep telling me - two of me is never enough! :Are you sure they didn't mean "You're too much" ? Huh? I read that rather as "You're too little". :The college infirmary sent me to see Dr. Feely. I didn't want to go. :Beth But what did you do? Subject: RE: for the election :>Because we get a CHARGE out of it! :>but these puns can get shocking! :Not to mention occasionally reVOLTing. Electrifying! :We had a guy in our organization named Harry Butts. Can't imagine :what his parents were thinking when they named him. Probably about christening him. :Could someone please post the canonical (complete) list of "Why :beer is better than a woman"??? You worry too much. Just have your beer. :>>help!!! I need a few choice ones for an aging ex_geologist.. :>Getting stoned is not what it use to be, eh? :Unless you have rocks in your head. Hey this is fun. Let me add another sediment. :Timo Salmi wrote: :(another funny one-liner deleted) :I am beginning to suspect that Timo is not a real Fin, he writes too Eeeeek! You have found me out! Indeed, I am not piscine. :How about: :If at first you don't succeed, so much for javelin catching. Careful! There might be a catch! ::Sorry. sqrt(-1) = undefined. The imaginary number "i" is defined as: :: i*i = -1 ::There is a difference. :The difference is imaginary. But complex. Subject: Re: Three Worst Words :Honey, I'm home :(OK "I'm" is technically two words, but hey, I don't give a shit) Constipated? :Q: Did you hear about the marching band that marched through a car wash? :A: The tuba player drowned. :(I made that up. Can you tell?) It is a wash-out. If you'll be nice, I won't tell. :could someone please post the canonical list of pickup lines. Having dating problems? Subject: Re: OXYMORONS Marjorie wrote: :How about: :Grown men Clever lady! :If you must steal, steal from the best. I told you so! :looking for airplane jokes.. in good taste please! ;) Let's see if we can wing it! :BOB DOLE IS OLD Old news! :Anybody know any food jokes out there. Let's see if we have any on our plate. Margi Harris wrote: :William J. Evans wrote: :> Ron K. Hulen wrote: :> :Gaven Miller wrote: :> :>roland jones wrote: :> :>> anybody out there have any jokes about debts or bankruptcy? Thanks. :> :>I used to, but they were repossessed. :> :That's not your default, Gaven. :> And you're definitely not aloan on this one. :He's right, we are all up to arrears in this one. Let's consider this subject foreclosed. Timo Salmi wrote: :Timo Salmi wrote: ::Stuart A. Bronstein wrote: :::Margi Harris wrote: :::>Timo Salmi wrote: :::>> Margi Harris wrote: :::>> :Stuart A. Bronstein wrote: :::>> :> William J. Evans wrote: :::>> :> >(Zzzzzzippp...) wrote: :::>> :> >:But the dating life IS complex -- and some people have more imaginary :::>> :> >:parts than others. Could this be the problem? :::>> :> >C'mon, get real. :::>> :> I wish this discussion could remain rational. :::>> :Nope, it is located at rec.humor, so it is destined to be irrational. :::>> Is that positive or negative? :::>Timo, I'm not sure there is absolute value to your question. :::Well, Margi, what's your angle? ::That's blunt. :Ahem! Rather acute, wouldn't you agree. Hopefully, at least to a degree. :>>>>:> Does anyone have any good hunting jokes, especially on deer hunting? :>>>>Yes, someone shoot! :>>>Oh, dear! What a loaded comment. :>>Did you aim to say that? :>Well, I'll be a son of a gun! What are you shooting your mouth off for? :For a buck. How apt. If you shoot, the buck stops there. :The best way to talk yourself out of a problem is to :confuse the problem. What was the problem, again? (BTW, isn't it "confuse the issue") ::It would be so nice if you could spell. :Ok, if you insist: : The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain. :How's that? Plain. :I'm building a Humor Archive composed mainly of the humor found right :here, on rec.humor A twist in the smallest books? :please come and visit my site you are all welcome just bring the beer Visit my Web said the spider? ::Don't you mean she? :While I realize that "Robin" can also be a woman's name, I guessed :from the language ("head this") that this Robin is male. :What makes you think that he is female? Do you know him? Simple. A bird, right? ::Warranty? You've GOT to be kidding! :Is there a kid warranty too? Is there no kidding warranty? :Q: What do they call the people who hang around musicians? :A: Drummers. So what should they do? Beat it? :if you know any dumb blond jokes mail reply me please! Let's hear some witty ones for a change. Subject: Re: Three Worst Words :Hey does this look infected to you? Flunked your math? :>:*Spell* correctly! :>c o r r e c t l y :Are you sure that's rite?? Rote! :> Personally, I'd rather see LMN go toe to eyebrow. ;) :Well, I'm flexible, but I can't be _that_ flexible without assitance!!! Gee, that's quite a stance. William J. Evans wrote: :No, you're confusing my toes with the bottoms of my feet. The :bottoms of my feet started getting really hairy when I turned, oh, :12. But that's another story. A hairy one, I bet. :I have some computer jokes that you might be interested in. :Check out my Computer Illiteracy (Fiction) web page at: :http://cs.weber.edu/home/smcook1/ I'd love to, but I don't know how. :> Kill files don't kill messages; messages kill messages. :I kill threads, myself. Did you know that the Bobbit special also works :on the USENET? *evil grin* Aw, cut it out! :> My eyebrows are better than yours. :> -- Captain Nitpick :My toes are cuter than yours. :---Little Miss Nitpick Cute browbeating! :> Why do people do this? Why do people worry so much about what other :> people do? Why do you have to ask? :I was just reading an article on British Airways and American Airlines :that they might be merging. :Wouldn't this be great their name would be: :BAAA ! Would that be American English? :Come on people, I'm sure we don't want to change rec.humor to :rec.irony. Gee, that's rather sarcastic. :wanted Mike Tyson jokes thanks Oh, oh! What is he supposed to have done NOW? :months since I have been lurking. Although I have heard many jokes over :the years, I don't remember them well enough to reproduce. Consider adopting. :Guy with a banana in his ear and clutching his stomach goes into the :office of his Gastroenterologist. The doctor looks at him as says "why :have you got a banana in your ear?" Guy replies "Speak up, can't you :see I'm in pain?" Absolutely bananas. :Why do sports stadiums use artificial turf? No idea. Not my turf. :where`s the belly laughs Belly up? ::At least the King James version was written by God fearing , believing :Christians aren't good punctuators, just forgiven ones. That's why it all is so pointless. :Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely. Definitely! :Ask the guard "If I ask the other guard which tunnel he is guarding, what :will be his reply?" Guarded! :"Mommy! Mommy! I don't like visiting grandpa!" :"Shut-up and keep digging." Boy, you ARE digging deep! :Is there is a list of Duck jokes out there?!? No way. They're too fowl to post! :Please, please; I've heard enough European confessions... Sorry, sorry; We can't come up with anything better. :Why does an Irishman wear three condoms? :To be sure, to be sure, to be sure... Are you sure? Subject: Re: Best Bumper Stickers :I love animals! They taste great! No taste! :In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from thier :husbands to wear false teeth. ^ Hey, that WAS funny! :>>Okay, I just recently heard Madonna was pregnant. Who's the father? :>The Chicago Bulls... That's a lot of bull! :there's a gyn in our town named dr.Fear really!!!! Never fear! :Where the hell is all the comedians? Hell, we all the comedians is right here. :OBJ: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire: :A: The vampire only sucks blood at night. Augh! That sucks! :>- "JESUS SAVES! :But does he get a 7.5% interest rate? Now that is a question of considerable interest! Subject: Re: Three Worst Words :My mom's home Again, that's four. :what do you think?? So's that. :My sister is marrying a Geologist, and jokes would be appreciated. She's gotta be stoned! :Ever see a book stand? My, my! Aren't we literal today! Subject: Re: puns for intellectuals :>> --"I think therefore I am." :"I think I think. Therefore I think I am." I thought so. :Get a Life man. The standard response is "whose?" :You know you're in for a bad day when you put your underpants on :back-to-front... and they fit better. My compliments up front. Very fitting. Suits you. :my 8 year old son can pick up cans on the roadside in the U.S. :and make as much money as a computer programer in europe.. :in the U.S.A we don't need to wait for a handout Now that's excellent. We've got to hand it to you. Subject: Re: Three Worst Words :What's your name? Psst, that's four words. :Darren Smith Psst, that's two words. :Jack and Jill went up the hill :To fetch some water to drink :I wonder why they didn't think :of getting it from the sink? That'll take a moment to sink in. :"I was a cashier in a bank for a while, but then went on to :something else." :"What was that?" :"Jail." Absolutely captivating! :> Send me one joke a day please :Do you want the same one or diffrent one? It is all the same. Subject: Re: Americans-Ignorant, sure :>WHO CARES!?!?!?!?!? :>WHO CARES!?!?!?!?!? :DITTO :DITTO Who _is_ this Ditto? :Does anyone have any good basketball taunts? eg-"Next time you wanna get :schooled, bring a pencil and paper!" An absolute basket case! :Give sadists a fair crack of the whip!! Where did you whip up that crack from? Subject: Re: I am very sorry for my article called Quick Cash :Well. I have to give the guy credit. At least he's got a conscience. Quick cash on credit? :How about "ASHES FUNERAL HOME"--When you're loved ones depart, they :should be in ASHES... This one always KILLS me You must be an extraordinarily good customer to them. :The problem with having two wives is... TWO MOTHER-IN-LAWS Marry twins. : I posted this before... : Save the world - kill yourself Obviously to no avail. Subject: Re: Americans are better than Europeans :if it wasn't for the incmpetence of the freanch there would have been no :WWII ^^^^^^ ^^ ^ ^ Nice touche! :Please add Dave Little to your joke list. Is he really that bad? :In the beginning, God created the bit. Did His bit? :liar, I can put a whole cue ball in my mouth. Where in the blazes do you take your cues from? :When people talk statistics, they always talk about averages. Not quite. Only on the average. Subject: Re: Windows 95 TV ad has hidden subliminal message :does everyone hate those as much as me Not everyone hates you. :Q.> What's the difference between Ignorance and Apathy. :A.> I don't know and I don't care. So what? :How come they call em Ham,burgers when they are mad of Beef? ^^^ What's your beef? :Could someone send me a list of where I can find these Canonical lists http://www.vatican.holynet ? :Q. How can you tell a blonde's telephone number? :A. They all start with 1-900. There! Just as we've suspected. The blonds are American. Subject: Re: Products Destined to Fail :Beer flavored breath mints. Don't hold your breath. Subject: Re: test-ignore :jkljkljkl I failed. Subject: Re: Sorry if youve heard this Parrot Joke..... No problem. Parrot jokes are expected to be repetitive. :Hi! Is anyone out there No. We are all in here. Subject: Re: David Coble : I know....he's Nancy Carson in drag....come on, David, fess up!!! What a drag! :WHATS IGNORANT??????? What's whats??????? :Why is it these jokes of the day are never, never, never funny? Try yesterday's then. There are PLENTY around in rec.humor. :I need *clean* New Year's jokes or stories ASAP. Can anyone help. Don't worry. The feeling usually quickly passes. :Q: What was Adam's favourite song? :A: Jesus loves even me. How odd! Subject: Re: Longest Thread Ever :Game over ! But what if the others are not game? Subject: Aliens In rec.humor no one can hear you laugh. :> Did you hear about the dislexic insomniac egnostic? :> He lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog. :I dont teg it. That's just too dab. It'll result in disphoria. (Dislexia? That's incorrect. Isn't it Dyxlesia!) All the tesb, omiT (aka Perfesser Dumpit in rec.humuor) :Did you hear about the three economists who went deer hunting? They :saw a buck, and the first economist shot at him, but he was a yard to :the right. Then the second economist shot, and he was a yard to the :left. :"Hooray," the third economist shouted. "We got him." That's mean! :>Our monetary system IS metric :>>They can apply the Metric System to whatever they want ... but please don't :>>screw around with our monetary system!!! :Sorry, our monetary system is *decimal* but it is not *metric*. There is no decimating the metric system! Let's not give an 2.54 cm! Subject: Re: An American Thinking Man his metric theorems :>Sorry, a stupid mistake: :>it should have been :> 1 EW = 1 000 000 000 000 000 W :Aha -- another demonstration of the infallibility of the metric system :with its self-replicating zeroes... Yep! Someone was bound to zero in on this. Subject: Re: Note To School Children's humor way back from the school years. Maybe more of a kind of folklore. "Absent because of missing the school building in the raging blizzard". "Late because of getting tangled in the bedsheets before breakfast". "Sunday page still open on the calendar". (My own favorite) Subject: Re: $$MAKE MONEY FAST!!HELLO FINANCIAL FREEDOM!$$$$ :Well, I've got some awesome news that I think you need to take :two minutes to read if you have ever thought "How could I make :some serious cash in a hurry???" , or been in serious debt, Only some funny cash counts in rec.humor. Subject: Re: Feet puns :I see we have found the sole of wit :) A standing ovation is called for! :>>> What are the 3 worst words you can hear when making love? ( :I liked: :"Honey, I'm home..." Count your blessings. :"Jesus saves ... stamps" Definitely a collector's item. Edward Balaban wrote: :Timo Salmi wrote: :: Edward Balaban wrote: :: :Somebody posted this one here before: :: :How many Intel Pentium designers does it take to change a light bulb? :: Yes, we've already heard it 999.986754 times. :Enjoying a deja vu, Timo? In fact, a deja lu! (A serious P.S. Some gentle readers might need a French dictionary to appreciate this one. To depreciate it no dictionary is needed.) :How high is up? Well, what's up on? :My 9 year old needs a few jokes for a magic act involving knives. Taking a stab at it, so to speak? :I am looking for Alzheimers jokes. Can't recall any. Subject: Re: Priest Joke :Sorry if this is old to this group, but couldn't resist..... Didn't have a prayer. :>I heard about one guy who couldn't figure out if he really wanted to kill :>himself. So he threw himself in front of a parked car. :Throwing oneself in front a glacier also works for the undecided. Rather chilling! :>>If you know jokes about photographers and photography, please send me. :>They're on the way. They'll be there in a flash. :Jay, for a pun like that you deserve to be shot. For a pun like that he rather deserves more exposure. :>Can any one tell me that how to hide :>and show the cursor using pascal! :Put your finger over the place on the screen where the cursor is! :-) How touching! :-) :In San Diego, CA, there's Goodbody Mortuary..... How grave! :>I have always been told that old statisticians do not fade away, :>but rather are "broken down by age and sex". :The average statistician is just plain mean. I am at variance. :PR->Hey Where is Cobble? I haven't seen any of his posts recently. What is :Come back David...... all is forgiven :-) Don't take that for given. :> Do you know why the new windows version is numbered 95? : 95 bugs per minute? : 95 crashes per hour? : 95 Redmond Genuflections required to make it work? All wrong. It is because it is best to be used from nine to five, only. :On the Subject: Re: lawyer jokes requested :Timo Salmi wrote: :>They have been barred. :Hey Timo, :Groan. Those puns were definitely out of order. However, someone must :speak in your defense. I am sure you have a good alibi. Yes, I do. I posted the last one first. :: :In San Diego, CA, there's Goodbody Mortuary..... :: How grave! :My God, where did you dig up THAT pun? It was a stiff job, my son, but I left no stone unturned. :Funny how you get Irish Americans, Italian Americans, Jewish Americans, :Polish Americans, etc... :Ever hear anyone call themselves an English American? Worse than that. American English. Subject: Re: pickup lines wanted Axelrod Fahrquhar wrote: :Why in the hell can't you spell!!! Granted, that's the most original pick-up line yet. But maybe your target will swoon with the sheer surprise. :Two woman met while shopping. When they started to discuss their :home lives, one of them said, "I've been fighting day and night :with my husband. It's so aggravating, I've lost twenty pounds. Sterling? ObPun: 1. Bare with me said the exhibitionist 2. Beer with me said the alcoholic Bear with me said All the best, Timo (aka Professor Pundit in rec.humor) :I really need a copy of the old "100 Ways to Fail AN Exam" I saw at :on here last year and really need a copy bad! Just leave a blank paper. :I do wish all the europeans who think Ynks are so dumb would be :decent enough to return all the money the US sent to europe over :many years. forget the principle the interest would do fine. Thank you! Can we forget the principal as well? :Why does an elephant have 4 feet ? :Because it'd look stupid with only 6 inches. Ah, now I see what inching one's way to a joke means. :"My wife said if I ever go diving again, she'll leave me" :the next line underneath wrote: :"boy, do I miss her!" Maybe he should not have taken the plunge in the first place. :: Is there a newsgroup on sexual impotence? :Someone tried to start one, but they couldn't seem to get it going.... It's because the idea was barren. :I knew a girl named Snow Storm. I always wondered what would happen if :she married a guy named White. These days, no joke. She'd probably just be Snow Storm-White. :: Hi! If anyone out there has any lawyer jokes, :There are a million lawyer jokes. I ought to know. I am one. I :So, if possible, narrow down your request. OK? OK! Could we have some good lawyer jokes. Subject: Re: Leper Jokes And did you hear about the leper who constantly picked his nose? Subject: Re: Funniest Funeral store names??? :I've two for you :Wing On Funeral home, Spadina Ave. Toronto :Butcher Funeral home, Acton, Ontario Way to go! All the best, Timo (aka Perfesser Pundit in rec.humor) .................................................................... Prof. Timo Salmi Co-moderator of news:comp.archives.msdos.announce Moderating at ftp:// & http://garbo.uwasa.fi archives 193.166.120.5 Department of Accounting and Business Finance ; University of Vaasa mailto:ts@uwasa.fi ; FIN-65101, Finland