Copyright 1997(c)
From the Froggie Goes a Courtin' Series of the freelance legal ruby, somes

RUBY & DREWBY: MS. BEGONIA FREELANCES IT UP WITH MURPHEE DREW, ESK.

	"I don't want to dance. Your warts chafe me."
	A Ruby D. Begonia Freelance Rare and Excellent Assistant, Inc. (FREAK) adventure 

	"Murphee Drew's office," said Ruby.
	She had been on hold on the other line waiting for a medicaid somebody somewhere in the maze of governmental offices whence you couldn't get an answer, anyway. People did, she was certain of it, disappear from the face of the earth in such pursuit and were never heard from again. She thought this was a prelim to one of those spaceship behind the comet trips, so when the other line rang, she answered it.
	"Who is this?" asked a familir voice after it found out Murphy wasn't there.  .
	"This is Ruby," said Ruby. "An this is Mr. Coffman,"
	"Glad you're back, " said Coffman.
	"Not staying," said Ruby.
	Ruby had once spent a miserable lifetime as Murphee Drew's secretary and was back only to freelance the gig. This was her second test of the position's requirements before sending in a clone.
	"Why not?" asked Coffman.
	"Man wants a flute-player," said Ruby.
	"Huh?" said Coffman.
	"Flute player," said Ruby. "You know those black things that look like big licorice sticks? Zamfir?"
	"Why on earth would he want a flute-player in a law office," asked Coffman.
	"No fair. I have to read his mind but at least he pays me. If you want me to read it for free, I'm just gonna' guess. Chamber music?" Ruby tried. "How do I know? I just do and die, hon, but I'll have him call you."
	"Why are you looking for a flute player?" asked Don Coffman, when Murphy Drew called him back.
	"Huh?" said Drew.
	"What do you want with a flute player?" asked Ray.
	"I don't," said Drew.
	"Ruby said you did," said Ray.
	"Well, Ruby's wrong," said Drew. He hung up and called Ruby in.
	"Why would you say something so suggestive to Dan Coffman about the flute player? Do you realize the harm you could do to a man's marriage with a comment like that? Are you crazy?"
	"No, but I can sing all the words," said Ruby. "I can do  I'm sorry' by heart, too."
	"Well, that won't cut it," said he.
	Ruby remembered the time some other boss had said to her that an apology wasn't good enough. Ruby had responded that if that didn't get it he could take her notice because there wasn't any more for him to have.
	When the smart ass then said, that long-ago way back when, years ago time,  type it up', Ruby said: "You just had it, Jack. You want it typed, here's the typewriter." Ruby went home. Now here was Murphy Drew, in her face, accusing her of what she had not intended and chewing her butt over it. He didn't even slow down to think about asking her what she said or, better yet, what she meant. He assumed she was trying to put the bad mouth on him and his sexual habits for some reason, like she would care, right? Ruby was a live and let live person. So long as nobody was touching her without her permission, she didn't care who touched who, where. 
	And it was her turn to speak, once again, into the close proximity of another one of those  I'm sorry's not good enough' fellas.
	She had, of course, meant that he needed much more than a replacement person to do the same stuff that wouldn't work.  Flute player' was merely a euphemism that seemed to Ruby so far afield that it would be something he would never, ever find, so she chose it as an example. Well, there wasn't anything for it except to bow her head and go quietly into that good night.
	One could not be expected to constantly stop and explain oneself, even down to knowing when and what had been misunderstood. The thought made Ruby tired and she'd been wearing those Maude Frizon pumps all day.
	She decided however to send the less exhuberant but for more tightly constructed model clone to this gig, Del Freeman. It was far more resistant to tampering. If the customer attempts to make adjustments on that, bells go off and one of those monotone voices says stuff like "Do not attempt to adjust the unit... step away from the unit... step away from the unit... do it now, go. Go. GO."
	Meantime, she would be working in the laboratory on a Ruby clone that would signal Houston when there was a problem.

	-30-

COMING NEXT MONTH:

A preview of S.W.A.M.P. Thaing: the collection of lancings from Ruby's freelance career.