Copyright 1997(c)

	DEE-DEE, my DEE-DEE, ooooh where can you be?
	A Ruby Begonia Adventure

	"Omygod! Dee-dee is leaving. Say it ain't so, Deed," Ruby moaned at the television screen where all Dee-Dee Myers's friend and colleagues were wishing her a fond farewell from the political talk show, Equal Time, in preparation for her departure for California and marriage.
	"Easy come," said Del.
	"You obviously don't watch this program," Ruby observed.
	"Sure I do," said Del. "But a talking head is a talking head."
	"Bay?" asked Ruby.
	"Well,-" said Del.
	"I rest my case. Still, she's gonna need a new partner," said Ruby.
	"Don't even think it," said Del.
	"Look Del, where's your compassion, where's your sense of common decency and love of your fellow man?" asked ruby.
	"I love them. I just don't want to have to accept their book list for reading."
	"This is way more than that, hon," said Ruby, "and you better get a grip on it. This is worse than that friend of yours who took the no-can-do job, remember? Remember you were all het up because a) it couldn't be done and b) even if it could, she couldn't do it? Member, she kept saying how they wanted her to stay and succeed and all and you wanted to know why they kept running the ad, then?
	"Why that little girl is poised to get it up the bum and you keep trying to get her to look at that day-glow sign warning her about it and she keeps wandering along, thinking the world's a wonder to her?"
	"Yes, what about it?" asked Del.
	"Well, you can't tell her nothin' but I can help Bay," said Ruby. "I know about jobs.
	"You? You've spent your entire virtual existence quitting and avoiding work," Del accused. "And you think Bay wants or needs your help?".
	"She might not want it but clearly she needs it," said Ruby. "You know she's got to be confused because she's a Republican, and that right there... ."
	"Okay, fine, just don't say I didn't want you," said Del.
	"That's what you're good for, Freeman," said Ruby. "Some folks got early-warning and I got ugly-warning. Whatt'ya gonna do?"
	"Me? Nothing," said Del.
	"Then it's up to me," said Ruby, packing a bag and checking the Amtrack schedule to Washington, D.C. Ruby, a devotee of the nothing-falls-up school of gravity, never flew.
	She arrived barely in time for the taping of the next show and rushed on to the stage. A stagehand quickly threw a dropcloth over the silver sequin sheen of her and Bay wandered out, sat down and introduced herself. Ruby began her pitch right away.
	"Look-it," she said, "you need a smart somebody and I'm one of those. You can check around, but you aren't going to find a long lost colony of them or anything, so use your noggin. Grab me. Not only can I sing and dance a little bit, but I'm funny. And I can help you."
	"Help me what?" asked Bay.
	"See the light," said Ruby.
	"Thank you, no," said Bay.
	"How about some ointment for those hands, then? I notice you keep gesturing with them. Are you double-jointed?  Cause if not, that's got to hurt and I suspect it's something heriditary because I notice your bro does it, too."
	Bay glanced at her hands, held sideways, fingers crooked in the manner she affected. Now that Ruby mentioned it, she guessed it must look painful. 
	As the cameras rolled, Ruby slapped a glob of Deep Heet into Bay's hands. 
	"Today's topic is unemployment," Ruby said brightly into the camera as Bay frantically worked the ointment into the palms and backs of her hands.
	
	-30

	Well, jobs are a lot like that. Either they're comfy and fine or you have to keep slapping on some Deep Heet.  The adventures in Ruby's Truck Stop series this time deal with the not-quite-right job. The series is entitled Froggie Comes A'Courtin and is introductory to the slim tome Ruby envisions writing as soon as her publisher comes along with a shipful of money, entitled S.W.A.M.P. Thaing: a Collection of Lancings from Ruby's Freelance Career.

	S.W.A.M.P. Thaing will be previewed in the June issue of Ruby's Pearls, 1997. Check it out, Bubba.