кФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФП
Г     лллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллл     Г
Г     л       ROTFL Digest!   Volume 1, Issue 8      March, 1994     л     Г
Г     л                                                              л     Г
Г     л                                                              л     Г
Г     л    Published by Access Media Systems                         л     Г
Г     л    Voice/Fax: (905)847-7362  Data: <Node 3> (905)825-8653    л     Г
Г     л                                                              л     Г
Г     л  Editor/Official Dishwasher: Sandy Illes                     л     Г
ГАААААл  Contributing Editor/Elvis Impersonator: Richard Platel      лАААААГ
Г     л                                                              л     Г
Г     лллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллл     Г
Г     л  Contents:                                                   л     Г
Г     л                                                              л     Г
Г     л  Editorial                                                   л     Г
Г     л  True Silly Stories From Around The World                    л     Г
Г     л  Acme Computer Products Available In Stores Any Time Now     л     Г
Г     л  How To Perform Amateur Brain Surgery On An Idiot            л     Г
Г     л  A Math Problem From Richard Platel                          л     Г
Г     л  Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmm!                            л     Г
Г     л  An Eye Story                                                л     Г
Г     л  Taglines For Guys                                           л     Г
Г     л  Contest Announcement                                        л     Г
Г     л  Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!                                        л     Г
Г     л                                                              л     Г
Г     л                                                              л     Г
Г     лллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллллл     Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г    Editorial                                                             Г
Г    ---------                                                             Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г    Welcome to the 8th issue of ROTFL Digest! We're not only              Г
Г    still here, but we're almost famous! Terry Carr called from           Г
Г    radio station WYSS-FM 99.5 in Soo, Michigan to compliment us          Г
Г    and let us know he's stealing our material for his radio show!        Г
Г    Way to go, Terry! :)                                                  Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г    All submissions are welcomed! Please note that only original          Г
Г    material will be considered for publication. Plagiarists will         Г
Г    be impersonated, and I think you all know how painful that can be.    Г
Г                                                                          Г
ГААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААГ
Г                                                                          Г
Г     кФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФП    Г
Г     Г ROTFL Digest may be freely reposted on any BBS as long as it  Г    Г
Г     Г remains unaltered in any way. Submissions to ROTFL Digest may Г    Г
Г     Г be uploaded to Access Media BBS at (905)825-8653 as an ascii  Г    Г
Г     Г [C]omment to Sysop, sent via Fidonet netmail to 1:259/314, or Г    Г
Г     Г sent to sandy.illes@accmedia.com.                             Г    Г
Г     Г                                                               Г    Г
Г     Г ROTFL Digest may not be reproduced for commercial purposes    Г    Г
Г     Г without the express written consent of the publishers.        Г    Г
Г     Г                                                               Г    Г
Г     Г Material reposted from ROTFL Digest must be credited.         Г    Г
Г     Г                                                               Г    Г
Г     Г Violators will have a medium rare steak with a side dish      Г    Г
Г     Г of carrots and broccoli driven through their hearts in a      Г    Г
Г     Г 1965 Chevy.                                                   Г    Г
Г     РФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФй    Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г       True Silly Stories From Around The World:                          Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г                                                                          Г
Г       WHAT, NOT SPAM?                                                    Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Fredonia, N.Y. - Every April Fool's Day the folks at               Г
Г       Aldrich's Beef and Ice Cream Parlour celebrate by                  Г
Г       concocting unusual confections. One of their recent                Г
Г       concoctions was bacon and eggs in a vanilla mush.                  Г
Г       And me without my spoon....                                        Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       WHAT'S THE NUMBER FOR 911?                                         Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Alberta, Canada - Marcel Laurendeau was kidnapped                  Г
Г       and locked inside his car trunk. Laurendeau used his               Г
Г       cellular phone to call for help. By poking through a               Г
Г       stereo speaker, he was able to see a sign that                     Г
Г       helped him give police his location.                               Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       A POUND OF FLESH...                                                Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Baltimore, Md. - 52-year old Alfred Montaselli is                  Г
Г       suing to get back the kidney he donated to his                     Г
Г       ex-wife in 1990. They were married when he donated                 Г
Г       the kidney. "Let her new boyfriend give her one of                 Г
Г       his kidneys. I don't care if she drops dead!" said                 Г
Г       Mr. Montaselli.                                                    Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       IT'S TRUE: MEN ALWAYS FORGET TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT                Г
Г       DOWN                                                               Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Mission Control, NASA - One of the astronauts on the               Г
Г       space shuttle Endeavour left the lid of the $23                    Г
Г       million toilet up. Mission Control noticed the lid                 Г
Г       was up because a fan on the experimental new toilet                Г
Г       was still running. The fan only shuts off when the                 Г
Г       lid is securely down. It was previously thought that               Г
Г       in space, no one could hear you flush...                           Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       DRIVE BY STEALING                                                  Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Deerfield Beach, Fla. - A thief held up a bank                     Г
Г       without getting out of his car - by telling the                    Г
Г       teller at the drive-through window that he had a                   Г
Г       bomb. The suspect, identified as a 35-year old                     Г
Г       heavyset white male, escaped with an undisclosed                   Г
Г       amount of loot.                                                    Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       BATHS GIVE THIS KID A HEADACHE                                     Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Melbourne, Australia - 24-year old single mother                   Г
Г       Marjorie Goodman was charged with child abuse after                Г
Г       the father of her 5-month old baby dropped by                      Г
Г       unannounced and found her bathing the baby in a                    Г
Г       washing machine. He immediately called Social                      Г
Г       Services. In her defense, Ms. Goodman said, "I admit               Г
Г       putting my son in the washer, but I always used the                Г
Г       gentle cycle, extremely mild soap, and a very short                Г
Г       spin." Undoubtedly, the hardest part of the bath was               Г
Г       pinning the baby on the clothesline to dry....                     Г
Г                                                                          Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г       ACME COMPUTER PRODUCTS AVAILABLE IN STORES ANY TIME NOW            Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       HRTACHE.ZIP: Heartache 1.0. Turns your computer into a country     Г
Г       and western karaoke machine, then drops it off of a cliff.         Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       ERTHQAKE.ZIP: Earthquake 1.0. Simulates a 3-D earthquake in        Г
Г       256-color VGA, then blows up your monitor.                         Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       PANCAKE.ZIP : Pancake 1.0. Using your SmellBlaster (tm) card,      Г
Г       you will experience the aroma of pancakes. Then a cliff will       Г
Г       be dropped on your computer.                                       Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       TIDLWAVE.ZIP: Tidal Wave 1.0. Graphics display of a tidal wave     Г
Г       on your screen! Then it floods your hard drive.                    Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       DSRTSAND.ZIP: Desert Sand 1.0. Looks like desert sand, feels       Г
Г       like desert sand, tastes like desert sand! Then a sinkhole         Г
Г       opens and sucks you and your computer into the depths of the       Г
Г       earth.                                                             Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       CHRGCARD.ZIP: Charge Card 1.0. Provides unlimited access to        Г
Г       the Acme charge card, as long as you have unlimited money in       Г
Г       the bank and can provide a personal reference from Wile E.         Г
Г       Coyote. Then it hits you on the head repeatedly.                   Г
Г                                                                          Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г                                                                          Г
Г       HOW TO PERFORM AMATEUR BRAIN SURGERY ON AN IDIOT                   Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Tools required:                                                    Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Rusty tweezers                                                     Г
Г       Blunt, heavy object                                                Г
Г       Icepick or rusty nail                                              Г
Г       Band-aid                                                           Г
Г       Cotton wool                                                        Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       First you need a pair of rusty tweezers. If you                    Г
Г       don't have any rusty tweezers, place regular                       Г
Г       tweezers in a cloth bag and attach it with a string                Г
Г       to a toilet handle. Now flush repeatedly until the                 Г
Г       tweezers begin to corrode. If you know someone who                 Г
Г       has chronic intestinal problems, this is a good time               Г
Г       to invite them to your home, as the dirtier the                    Г
Г       water, the better.                                                 Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Now you are ready for the operation. Stuff cotton                  Г
Г       wool into his mouth, then insert the rusty tweezers                Г
Г       into the idiot's rectum, taking great care to                      Г
Г       injure as much surrounding flesh as you can.                       Г
Г       Probe the bowel area with the tweezers and shove the               Г
Г       tweezers into the intestinal area. The idiot will,                 Г
Г       of course, attempt to complain by thrashing and                    Г
Г       moaning, so a sedative is required. Hit him                        Г
Г       over the head with the blunt, heavy object.                        Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Now push the rusty tweezers into the idiot's stomach               Г
Г       area. With any luck at all, the stomach wall will                  Г
Г       rupture and intense hemorrhaging will begin. If the                Г
Г       idiot does not begin to hemorrhage, you will need a                Г
Г       second surgical tool such as an icepick or a rusty                 Г
Г       nail to ensure bleeding.                                           Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       The idiot may recover consciousness because of the                 Г
Г       intense pain, so you will need to sedate him once                  Г
Г       again with the blunt, heavy object.                                Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       You now must push the rusty tweezers into his heart.               Г
Г       Yes, this is a slight detour on the way to the brain               Г
Г       but it is essential to inflict the maximum amount of               Г
Г       suffering.                                                         Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Once the heart has been pierced and the idiot is                   Г
Г       writhing in pain, use the blunt, heavy object once                 Г
Г       again and shove the tweezers into his windpipe. Now                Г
Г       you will continue through the windpipe into his                    Г
Г       head.                                                              Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       When the rusty tweezers encounter gray, slimy                      Г
Г       matter, this will probably be the idiot's brain or                 Г
Г       his soul. Either way, poke at the matter until it is               Г
Г       a bloody mass and the idiot is having convulsions.                 Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       You must now prepare to end the operation but before               Г
Г       doing this, you should repeatedly hit the idiot on                 Г
Г       the brain with the heavy, blunt object. This will                  Г
Г       ensure that his brain has been suitably readjusted.                Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Slowly remove the rusty tweezers from the idiot via                Г
Г       his liver, kidneys, and bladder. End the operation                 Г
Г       by taking the rusty tweezers out through his penis.                Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Put a Band-aid on your finger if you have                          Г
Г       accidentally cut yourself during the operation.                    Г
Г                                                                          Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г                                                                          Г
Г  Your Problem:                                                           Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  Two flies at toegther inside a room which is a perfect sphere with a    Г
Г  diamater of 3 metres.  The flies walk along the inside surface of the   Г
Г  sphere in oppisite directions.  Every two minutes, one of the flies     Г
Г  randomly changes direction as long as its new path will not force it to Г
Г  bump into the other fly.  If the flies move at an equal, constant speed,Г
Г  what are your chances of answering this question?                       Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  Richard "fly on the wall" Platel                                        Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г                                                                          Г
Г  A TRUE EYE STORY   by Sandy Illes                                       Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  One time I was visiting my sister. Her 2 1/2 year old little boy,       Г
Г  Steven, developed a huge crush on me and followed me everywhere. When I Г
Г  went into the bathroom to remove my contact lenses, Steven was like an  Г
Г  extra shadow.                                                           Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  "What are you doing, Aunt Sandy?" he asked as I removed the first lens. Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  "Taking my eyes out," I answered.                                       Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  "No you're not!" he replied.                                            Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  "Sure I am," I answered.                                                Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  I made a really big fuss about removing the second contact lens, going  Г
Г  "Ow!" "Ouch!" "It's not coming out, go get me the pliers!"              Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  At that point, Steven screamed in terror and ran from the room calling  Г
Г  for his mother. (Heh heh)                                               Г
Г                                                                          Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г                                                                          Г
Г       THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMMMM!                                   Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - What's the difference between "virtually spotless" and           Г
Г         "spotless"?                                                      Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - Why does a certain soap commercial compare human skin to         Г
Г         glass? Does that mean other people can see through me?           Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?        Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - What's the speed of dark?                                        Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - When a woodchuck chucks wood, what does he do with it?           Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - If there was no such thing as plastic surgery, who would         Г
Г         Cher be?                                                         Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - If they can make a soap that floats, why can't they make a       Г
Г         soap that doesn't slip out of your hand?                         Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - Why do people say they're on the "cutting edge of                Г
Г         technology? Does that mean consumers are on the "bleeding        Г
Г         edge" of technology?                                             Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - How can anyone see Elvis without using a shovel?                 Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - Why don't UFO's land on the White House lawn instead of          Г
Г          wasting time with the lunatic fringe?                           Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - Why are all numbers prior to ten single digit?                   Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - What if everyone had to remember to breathe?                     Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       - How can you tell if you're asleep?                               Г
Г                                                                          Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г TAGLINES FOR GUYS                                                        Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г A beer delayed is a beer denied.                                         Г
Г A beer in need is a beer indeed.                                         Г
Г Alcohol is not a problem, until you can't get any.                       Г
Г Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a goal.                                Г
Г All cats are grey in the dark.                                           Г
Г Any more than three shakes is fun.                                       Г
Г Don't drink and drive, you might spill it.                               Г
Г Don't waste beer, there are sober people in India.                       Г
Г Fat, drunk, and stupid is the only way to go through life.               Г
Г Get drunk and be somebody else.                                          Г
Г I drink, therefore I am!                                                 Г
Г I never met a woman I couldn't drink pretty.                             Г
Г I'd rather have a bottle in front of me then a frontal lobotomy.         Г
Г I'll never ever not drink again!                                         Г
Г If we don't drink it, someone else will.                                 Г
Г No machine can replace man until it learns to drink!                     Г
Г The only time I refused a drink I didn't understand the question.        Г
Г When in doubt, drink heavily.                                            Г
Г You could do that, but it would be wrong.                                Г
Г You're not an alcoholic unless you go to the meetings.                   Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г                                                                          Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г  CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT                                                    Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       You could win a prize by writing to ROTFL Digest!                  Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Yes, each month we'll publish the funniest letters                 Г
Г       and randomly award some kind of cheap prize to the                 Г
Г       person who is able to make Sandy and Richard squirt                Г
Г       milk out of their noses! This is a valuable                        Г
Г       opportunity to win valueless prizes!                               Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г       Write to: Sandy Illes (Fidonet 1:259/314)                          Г
Г                 sandy.illes@accmedia.com                                 Г
Г                 Sandy Illes 905-825-8653 (Access Media BBS)              Г
Г                                                                          Г
УФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФД
Г  кФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФП   Г
Г  Г JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES Г   Г
Г  РФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФй   Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  For sale:                                                               Г
Г  1 Parachute, used once, never opened, slight blood stain, very          Г
Г  cheap - $50                                                             Г
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Г  Did you hear that Tonya Harding just got a new endorsement?             Г
Г  "Lucky Strike" Cigarettes.                                              Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г  People who shop at K-Mart save.                                         Г
Г  Jesus saves.                                                            Г
Г  Therefore, Jesus shops at K-Mart.                                       Г
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Г  Did you hear the guy who made the first VCR died recently?              Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  They're having the funeral at 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00.      Г
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Г  Your mother is so ugly, she went to a haunted house and came out        Г
Г  with a job application!                                                 Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  Your mother is so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck!          Г
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Г  Q:  How do you circumcise a hillbilly?                                  Г
Г  A:  Punch his sister in the jaw.                                        Г
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Г   They're going to make one TV movie combining the Harding and           Г
Г   Bobbit cases. The title.......                                         Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г   Going for Gold, But Got Dick                                           Г
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Г   Q: What is the name of the new breakfast cereal from 2 Live Crew?      Г
Г   A: Nut'N Bitch!                                                        Г
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Г   The REAL reason Tonya Harding divorced her husband in the first        Г
Г   place: He was hitting on the other skaters....                         Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г       If the pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, what ship did the      Г
Г       doctors come over on?                                              Г
Г               The blood vessels.                                         Г
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Г  A husband returned home to find his wife sitting in the lounge,         Г
Г  obviously shaken.  "What's the matter, darling?" he asked.  "Well       Г
Г  I have good news and bad news, what do you want to hear first?"         Г
Г  she replied.  "Oh my god", he said, "it's the car, isn't it?"           Г
Г  She nodded nervously.  "I'll have the good news first, then,"           Г
Г  said the husband.  "Well," the wife replied, "the airbag works!"        Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г  What goes: CLOP  CLOP  CLOP  CLOP  CLOP  BANG  CLOP  CLOP               Г
Г  CLOP  CLOP  CLOP  CLOP ?                                                Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  An Amish drive-by shooting.                                             Г
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Г  Two bikers were sitting at a red light when a nun walks                 Г
Г  across the street in front of them.  The nun was on                     Г
Г  crutches and had a leg in a cast.  One biker says to                    Г
Г  her, "Hey momma, how'd you hurt your leg?"                              Г
Г  The nun said she slipped while taking a shower.                         Г
Г  The biker looks over at the other biker and says,                       Г
Г  "Man, what's a shower?"  The other biker says, "I don't                 Г
Г  know, I'm not Catholic."                                                Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г A couple from up north were passing through North Carolina and saw a     Г
Г sign that read "Fuquay-Varina 30 miles." They started to discuss how     Г
Г a name like that might be pronounced. This escalated into an argument.   Г
Г They stopped in Fuquay-Varina to get some lunch at a fast food           Г
Г resturant. The man asked the girl behind the counter, "Would you do us   Г
Г a favor and pronounce the name of this place for us SLOWLY and           Г
Г CAREFULLY?"                                                              Г
Г She said in a southern accent, "Sure, B U R G E R  K I N G".             Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г  Q. What did the masochistic girl say to her date?                       Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  A. "Slap...or I'll stop you!"                                           Г
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Г  Did you hear the one about the optical lens manufacturer?               Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  He accidentally fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of      Г
Г  himself!                                                                Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г  You know you're in Saskatchewan when you can sit on your                Г
Г  back porch and watch your dog run away for three days.                  Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г  How did John Bobbit pay for his medical bills?                          Г
Г  Through severance pay.                                                  Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г  Did you know that the air conditioner was invented by three             Г
Г  Jewish guys?  They did screw up by failing to have the thing            Г
Г  patented.  The CEO of the first company to mass produce it told         Г
Г  them:  "I can't pay you any royalties, but your three names will        Г
Г  be on every air conditioner sold."  And that is why, to this            Г
Г  day, you still see their names on every air conditioner:  Norm,         Г
Г  Hi and Max.                                                             Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г  How many rednecks does it take to eat possum?                           Г
Г  Three. One to eat and two to watch out for cars.                        Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г  What did Tonya Harding say when she got to the Olympics?                Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г  More skaters here than you can shake a stick at.                        Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г Did you hear that John Wayne Bobbitt was late to court the other day?    Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г   Yeah, he was cut off in traffic...                                     Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г Did you hear about the Newfie who won the 20 million dollar              Г
Г lottery?  He wanted all the money now, but had to get it in              Г
Г 20 year installments.  He put up a huge fight and a scene and finally    Г
Г said, "FINE! If you're gonna act like that, gimme back my dollar!"       Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г    Did you hear about the new German microwave oven?                     Г
Г    It seats 25.                                                          Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г    Q:  What's the difference between a Eunuch and an Eskimo?             Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г    A:  A eunuch is a massive vassal with a passive tassel, while an      Г
Г  Eskimo is a rigid midget with a frigid digit.                           Г
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Г                                                                          Г
Г    Q:  What is the definition of a Libyan diplomat?                      Г
Г                                                                          Г
Г    A:  A terrorist that ran out of ammunition!                           Г
Г                                                                          Г
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