Copyright: CNEJungle®1994 Rene Caron
Citation: All rights reserved


Table of Contents

Surviving the CNE Jungle© 2.0

Introduction - Goodbye City Life

Part 1 - Basic Survival

History of Certification

Famous CNE's

Fail or Flight Syndrome

Part 2 - Stalking the Illusive Prey

Jurassic Parking

Creatures of the Jungle

A Sample Lesson

The Acid Tests

Jungle Traps

Part 3 - Bringing home the bacon

A Star is Born

Move over Steven Jobs

Potpourri Fun

References

References

Useful telephone numbers

Commonly Asked Stupid Questions

About the Author


Topic2
Introduction

Surviving the CNE Jungle

- To survive it is often necessary to fight and to fight you have to dirty yourself. George Orwell (1903–50), British author. “Looking Back on the Spanish War” (1943; repr. in Collected Essays, 1961).

About Freeware

Putting a Tiger in Your Tank

Hardware Requirements

Welcome

This product is a hypertext, multi-media extravaganza produced at incredible expense. In it you will find sights and sounds that will thrill the whole family and finally justify your purchase of a computer. This is not to be confused with the CNE Jungle Book. It documents for the first time the dangers and pitfalls of the CNE Certification trail. It will be your guide through the dark torch lit streets and back alley ways of a forbidding and dangerous journey. You will learn the creatures that inhabit this complex ecosystem. You will learn the different fates that await the brave souls that dare tread this savage jungle soil. So fasten your seat belt. Ladies and Gentlemen and start clicking.

Multimedia Warning!

Although we have taken every precaution to protect you from undue hazards, the precarious nature of this journey merits a warning: Clicking your mouse too hard results in many diseases including Hob's knuckle ache and the tendency to always point your finger at someone else when trouble arises. Press the following button to hear the sound of someone mouse clicking who did not heed this advice (MCI sound device required).


Dim Sum
a chinese brunch served on carts - if you have to ask what it is, don't eat it


Freeware
About Freeware

This product is FreeWare. That means it's free. You can circulate it to your heart's content. Just be sure that the following three files are always present when you pass it around:

•	X_TIGER1.ICO

•	SURVIVAL.HLP

•	AHHHHH.WAV

Be sure the AHHHHH.WAV file is in the same directory as SURVIVAL.HLP.


proper time frame
thirty years


Tiger
Putting a Tiger in Your Tank

To get the TIGER icon to come up instead of the question mark icon do the following:

•	Highlight the Survival.hlp icon

•	Choose File/Properties from the Windows Program Manager Main Menu

•	Click on "Change Icon"

•	Choose BROWSE and locate where you placed the X_TIGER1.ICO file. Double click on the X_TIGER1.ICO file.

•	Click OK two times. You now have a real tiger in your computer. The TIGER icon will now replace the standard help icon.


Hardware
Hardware Requirements

To run the incredible sound features of this multi-media document you will need any sort of half-decent sound card that works under Windows 3.1 or greater. If you do not have a sound card, you can load the PCSpeaker driver, a public domain software released by Microsoft. This nifty software allows you play complex sounds and wave files through your speaker without the use of a sound card. To get this software call the Cyber Pass BBS and download PCSPEAK.ZIP. Of course you can ignore all this and miss out on one of the greatest experiences life has to offer.


History
History of CNE Certification

A learning curve of 1000 hours begins with one mouse click - Anon.

In the beginning...

Darwinism and Your Place in the Swamp

Ying vs. Yang

Nostradamus vs. Freud

Long, Strange Trips of our Fore Fathers

Dante's Descent into Hell vs. Your Descent into Hell


Darwinism
Darwinism and your place in the swamp

And you thought your parents were bad

Man, prehistoric or early man. About 14–12 million years ago, humans and apes began to develop along separate lines. The early CULTURES of the genus Homo were generally distinguished by regular use of stone tools, primitive bowling alleys and other artifacts such as notebook computers, and by a hunting-and-gathering economy involving division of labor and separation of income brackets based on a complex system of certification; Homo erectus used fire, the hand axe and silicone chips. Homo sapiens evolved about 300,000 years ago, with a larger brain and a smaller jaw. They ate dinosaurs for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and vice versa.*

Early Man's first Certification Rituals

When prehistoric or early man had enough of running around in packs they decided it would be best for everyone if certification rituals separated smart from the stupid. This replaced the earlier system of murdering all smart people. They were organized by the Utah tribe that lived in the big cave on the mountain. The Utah tribe controlled all the drumming communications. These rituals were horrible. So bad, in fact, that they were rated similar to our modern movies and CD's. Many rituals suggested parental guidance as a prerequisite. Press the following button to hear the first CNE trying to pass the first Log Drumming Technologies test (Test 70-51) (MCI sound device required).

Darwin's Great Discovery

One of Darwin's most significant finds has been mysteriously under-rated by modern anthropologists. Laboring the Mohave desert in conditions that would ruin any modern permanent, Darwin unearthed a huge mass of short twisted fabrics, each one slightly different from the other but having the same similar shape and contour. Darwin correctly hypothesized that this was none other than fossisfootwarmalia.

*When dinosaurs became extinct they left one thing behind which served the next generation of life forms extremely well - computer networks Contrary to popular misconception, technology was perfected by the dinosaurs when earth was populated by intelligent apes and mankind was as stupid as chimps. The moon is an example of one of the first satellites they launched. After the great comet struck earth the technology was lost for a very long time.


Nostradamus
Nostradamus Predicts

Nos·tra·da·mus (nòs´tre-dâ¹mes, -dä¹-, no´stre-)
Originally Michel de Notredame. 1503-1566 French physician and astrologer who wrote Poetry Centuries, a book of rhymed prophecies that will be interpreted centuries hence as prophesying 20th-century events. Modern interpreters have shown that Nostradamus prophesied the discovery of Pluto, the underground design of Bill Gate's new home and the demise of the Apple Lisa. This great prophet also foretold the coming of computer networks in this particularly strange rhyme:

For in the year of 92
When Apple lieeth with Big Blue
And Novellus beareth so much fruit
It scoreth WordPerfect, and UNIX to boot
And StarTrek reruneth everyday
Remind thee nerds they're here to stay
All the earth be wired, and how it hurts
Ye only pay be in networks

Nostradamus predicted the very first world war (shown here). Earth's population at the time: 10 people.

Freud sets the record straight

"Sometimes an RCA connector is just an RCA connector" Freud's comments to a CNE colleague with a recurring dream about connecting his home equipment to his motherboard.

Freud, Sigmund, 1856–1939, Austrian psychiatrist, founder of PSYCHOANALYSIS;  Freud's therapy was based on the hypothesis that the symptoms of hysterical computers were directly traceable to apparently forgotten psychic traumas in early life—probably when the motherboard was being manufactured in Taiwan. Freud's growing conviction that this energy was sexual in nature led to the development of pornographic CD-ROMs sold in Viennese computing magazines.  His writings include The Interpretation of Dreams for Dummies (1900), Beyond the Pleasure Principle for Dummies  (1920), and Moses and Monotheism for Dummies (1939).

Early Edison recording of Freudian Sessions

Recordings of Freud's remarkable experiments with rich patients were recorded on an Edison Recorder. Press the following button for a remarkable encounter with history (MCI sound device required).


mother
Sometimes comic or spooky character in Alftred Hitchcock movies who loves to manipulation her son's life


half-decent sound card
SoundBlaster 16 recommended


Dante
Dante's Descent in Hell vs. Your's

One man's certification is another man's hell - Anon.

Depending on your world view you might think that even the worst things can be OK if you have the right attitude. Drop that view now. You are going to walk the crooked, steaming roads that so many poor souls have failed on. The explosions of fire, the sudden earthquakes, the endless studying... it's all here. But cheer up, Dante, the first European CNE, led us through once, and yes, there is a way to avoid the whole trip. Read on gentle reader...

Dante's

- There sighs, lamentations and loud wailings resounded through the starless air, so that at first it made me weep; strange tongues, horrible language, words of pain, tones of anger, voices loud and hoarse, and with these the sound of hands, made a tumult which is whirling through that air forever dark, and sand eddies in a whirlwind. Dante Alighieri (1265–1321), Italian poet. The Divine Comedy, “The Inferno,” cto. 3.

Hell is not a joking matter. Experts always argue over whether it is a cold place or a hot place. But you and I have been through that, and this is not our fate. We know that Hell is an experience. A lot of people think Dante's Inferno is a piece of fiction. He wasn't making it up. Thanks to the miracle of computer technology, here is a digital reproduction of a recording he made of a poor soul forced to fail Networking Technologies by just one point... forever. (MCI sound device required)

Your experience in Hell

I believe that I am in hell, therefore I am there.
Arthur Rimbaud (1854–91), French poet. Une Saison en Enfer, “Nuit de l'Enfer”

Life is only 1,000 months long at best. Consider that you sleep for one-third of your life. That leaves 666 months free. Consider that you spend another one-third eating, washing and waiting in lines. That leaves 333 months free. Consider that you spend another 321 months working, watching rented videos, TV reruns, commercials or listening to records popular when you were in high school. That leaves 12 months free. Becoming a CNE requires 12 of those months using traditional study methods. That's it. Your whole life gone right there.

Your Experience in Hell If You Use CNEQUIZR©

Paradise Found


Paradise
Paradise Found

Pleasant it is, when over a great sea the winds trouble the waters, to gaze from shore upon another's great tribulation; not because any man's troubles are a delectable joy, but because to perceive you are free of them yourself is pleasant.
Lucretius (c. 99-C. 55 B.C.), Roman poet, philosopher. De Rerum Natura, bk. 2.

Using CNEQUIZR© to circumvent the abyss of traditional studying will change your life forever, or at least for a few hours. You can laugh while others cry. You can keep your weekends free while others weep and gnash their teeth.

Strange Origins of Paradise

Historian Xenophon, who served with Greek mercenaries in Persia, first used the Greek word paradeisos adopted from the Avestan word to refer to the Persian kings' and nobles' parks or pleasure grounds. This Greek word extended to mean “garden” or “orchard” was an obvious choice for translators of the Bible into Greek to use both for the Garden of Eden and the Abode of the Blessed, or heaven. In the later part of the 20th Century, computer professionals who had attained their CNE Certification were often considered to be in a state of "paradise" or "supreme bodaciousness".

This Medium is the Message

Shameless Plug for CNEQUIZR©


CNEQUIZR
CNEQUIZR©

The Greatest Story Ever Told

What is CNEQUIZR©?

Why is CNEQUIZR the best study aid?

Finally, a Detergent AND a Study Aid

What about the free Drake Evaluation Test?

Who makes CNEQUIZR©?

What exactly is a question?

Commonly asked Questions concerning CNEQUIZR©?

How much is CNEQUIZR©?

The Infinite Cultivation of Four Leaf Clovers

How do I order CNEQUIZR©?

I'm happy as Heck and I'm Going to Keep Taking It

Product DEMOs/Shareware versions

CNEQUIZR© user's speak out!


What is CNEQUIZR
What is CNEQUIZR©?

CNEQUIZR© is a piece of software that simulates a Drake examination. Each test has hundreds of examination style questions on it. CNEQUIZR© is now available in a Windows shareware version. This is a serious, professional approach proven by thousands of successful users worldwide. CNEQUIZR© works by addressing several key areas:

Ease of Use

CNEQUIZR© for Windows has a user-friendly interface that runs on any 80386 or higher based PC running Windows 3.1 or greater. This simple, structured study method builds confidence quickly and easily.

Corrects Weaknesses

CNEQUIZR© provides you with on-line answers to all questions, as well as study references and helpful pointers. Your risks will be minimized by mastering CNEQUIZR©'s extensive collection of examination style questions (between 200 and 300 per test). Questions are based on actual examination experiences and the authorized student materials (which the tests are based on).

Flexible Study Sessions

CNEQUIZR© allows you to practice for as much, or as little time as you may have. You can choose any number of questions from the databases. Every time you choose a session you'll get a fresh, random mix of questions. Even the order of the multiple choice answers will be different every time. Not only that, but you can retake only the questions you answered incorrectly.

Monitors Progress

CNEQUIZR© tests are constantly monitored and scored to provide you with results for each study session. You can easily track your progress so you will know when you are ready to write the real exam. This way you won't waste time and money writing exams before you are ready.


Why is CNEQUIZR the best
Why is CNEQUIZR© the best study aid?

CNEQUIZR© is unique in that it is based on the exams themselves and the authorized Novell Student kits, not a lot of obscure details from third party books. Where some other study aids make you memorize huge amounts of unessential factoids, CNEQUIZR©'s goal is only to make sure you understand and can answer the questions on the DRAKE tests.

Here at CYBERPASS we take each test many times until we are familiar with the content of the exam. Then we go to every area covered in the exam, we refer to the authorized Novell training manuals and create questions that resemble the ones you will have on your Drake exam.  Most CNEQUIZR© questions have specific study references and helpful study tips which help you understand the question and the answer. For many tests the amount of information presented for learning is huge. With CNEQUIZR© you study what you need to know. Remember: passing of failing can hinge on one question. It is imperative you be prepared for the range, style and content of the Drake exams.  CNEQUIZR© prepares you in the best possible way.


What about the Drake test
What about the Drake assessment test?

Drake provides an excellent review examination test that it gives away for free. This exam is basically the same 'look and feel' format as the exam you will eventually take. Unfortunately it only covers small areas of the actual examination materials. A Drake assessment examination might have thirty or forty questions to prepare you for a test with a database of over three hundred or more questions. CNEQUIZR© has between 200 and 350 examination questions per test. The vast majority of students have a look at the Drake assessment test, but wisely do not use it as their sole source of study preparation.


Who makes CNEQUIZR
Who makes CNEQUIZR©?

CNEQUIZR© is brought to you by the folks at CYBER PASS INC 417 Bay St. Suite 3 Ottawa, ON Canada K1R 6A5 (Tel) 613 237-4991 (Fax) 613 230-5279 (BBS) 613 237-6820.


How to become a CNE
Commonly Asked Questions

How to Become a CNE, quick

What is the best way to study?

CNEQUIZR© is designed to work with your course materials. When you get a question wrong, consult your course materials and reread the appropriate section(s). Do not merely memorize the correct answer. Find out why you got the answer wrong. that way you will really understand the course content.

How do I know I'm ready to write the real exam?

You should be scoring very high with CNEQUIZR©, over 95%. Do not take this advice lightly. The examination will contain questions that test your overall comprehension plus your knowledge of statistics and other details. Also, you should have read through your course material enough times that you are comfortable with it. A good sign that your are ready to write is when you stop finding the subject matter difficult or demanding, and you start finding yourself 'bored' with it.

What is the success rate of CNEQUIZR© users?

People who use CNEQUIZR© products to study for their DRAKE CNE/ECNE/CNI examinations have an extremely high success rate. If the product is used as recommended you can be confident that you are preparing yourself in the best possible way.

How hard are the 'real' exams compared to CNEQUIZR©?

CNEQUIZR© tries to emulate the "real" examination level of difficulty. A common complaint is that users use the Drake assessment test only to find the 'real' test much more challenging, so much that they fail. CNEQUIZR© gives you both the quantity and quality of examination style questions so that you can pass each test "first time, every time".

Are the questions the exact same ones on the 'real' exam?

CNEQUIZR© mimics the style and content of the Drake CNE examinations. The questions are very similar, but not identical to the ones you will get on your examination. The goal of CNEQUIZR© is to prepare the student for the type of questions and the course content they can expect to be tested on.

Who writes the questions on CNEQUIZR© exams?

CNEQUIZR© tests are written by ECNE's and CNI's.

Do I still need to take courses or buy the Novell student kits?

Although many happy students have claimed they passed their examinations using CNEQUIZR© alone, we recommend that students also study their course materials as the exams are largely based on the material in them.


Jungle Traps

Anyone who has consistently stayed up late at night channel surfing through their local cable TV stations watching old Hollywood B movies should be familiar with the following jungle traps:

- quicksand

- pythons

- tigers

- booby trapped ancient tombs

- bat caves

- sudden drops in land terrain

- traps set by aboriginals

The CNE Jungle has its own type of traps. Traps so devilishly clever that even the devil can't figure them out. Fortunate for you, dear reader, the most common traps are about to be revealed to you now. Then, when you find yourself in the steaming heat of an examination, you will be able to recognize these sinister devices for what they are. You will pass them unharmed and live to reach the treasure of the monkey kingdom.

TRAP #1: Mixing truth with lies.

A very common device used in the exams is to have an answer that contains the truth and a lie. You are trying to determine the correct answer and you figure "I know that part of this sentence is true, so it must be correct". Wrong!

Example: What statement about ring topology is true? Deceptive answer: cable faults are difficult to troubleshoot because each device incorporates a repeater. Analysis: Each device does indeed incorporate a repeater, but that makes it easy, not difficult, to troubleshoot.

TRAP #2: Place the wrong keyword in a sentence.

Similar to trap #1, an answer will read almost perfectly true, except one of the keywords is either incorrect or inappropriate.

Example: What statement about logical network addressing is true? Deceptive answer: logical network addressing is used to physically identify two different networks on an internetwork. Analysis: This answer would be correct if the keyword "physically" were "logically" instead.

TRAP #3. The double negative.

This trap was used extensively in earlier Drake examinations but it used less the newer tests. There are many variations on this trap but the most common goes something like this: the question will read "Which statement is false (or incorrect)?" Then the answers will read "The whatever is not like this or that". Stop and think it through. Keep in mind whether the answer should be true or false. Even the smartest students can get sucked in on these.

TRAP #4: Being asked to identify something that doesn't exist.

The more contemporary exams often ask you to identify some component of a graphic. Beware that the graphic may be incorrect or

inappropriate.

Example: Which item on the above picture is associated with bus mastering? You are then expected to choose one of several numbered items on a graphic when in fact the answer is "Not enough information to make a decision".

TRAP #5: Deek 'em out. All the answers seem to be similar except one so you go with the majority.

This trap is for students who haven't really studied. These students figure they can make an educated guess based on the multiple choice answers.

Example: Which of the following is an example of a simplex transmission? Deceptive answers: communication that flows in two directions, one at a time; communication that flows in two directions only; communication that flows in two directions without interruption, communication that flows in two directions simultaneously; communications that flow in one direction.

The gullible student picks any of the answers that have 'two directions' in them, thinking it must be right because most answers contain this phrase, when the answer is 'communications that flow in one direction'.

TRAP #6: Opposites attract! If there are two opposing answers, one of them must be correct.

In this situation two of the multiple choice answers are in direct opposition. The student figures that since they both can't be right, one of them is right and the other one is wrong when, of course, they are both wrong.


How much does CNEQUIZR cost
How Much is CNEQUIZR?

CNEQUIZR© for Windows modules are priced as follows:

•	Individual tests are $US 19.95 each

•	Order any three for $US 49.95

•	Order any eight for $US 99.95

NOTE: To qualify for discounts you must register all tests at the same time.

For a complete description of the products, please choose "Ordering Information" below.

Ordering Information


Order Form
Ordering Information

Here's how to get CNEQUIZR for Windows.

You can download the following files from either NOVUSER on CompuServe, or the Cyber Pass BBS.

After successfully installing the tests you want, you can call us at Cyber Pass to register your software. You will need to give us your INSTALLATION ID, YOUR NAME AS IT APPEARS IN YOUR SOFTWARE and CREDIT CARD INFORMATION (VISA, Mastercard, AMEX).

No Modem? No Problem

NOTE: You must have VBRUN300.DLL in your \WINDOWS\SYSTEM directory to run CNEQUIZR for Windows. If you don't have it, be sure to download it and place it in WINDOWS\SYSTEM before installing CNEQUIZR for Windows.

You MUST install and run the CNEQUIZR for WINDOWS main module CNEQ30.EXE before you can run or install any of the other databases. This is the main quiz engine necessary for running all tests. CNEQ30.EXE comes with 3.1X Administration.

Here are the files you will need:

CNEQ30.EXE - CNEQUIZR main engine, comes with 3.1x Administration

VBRUN300.DLL - Required file must be in \WINDOWS\SYSTEM

Here are the files you may need:

CNEDOS.EXE - Dos/Microcomputer Concepts

CNESRV.EXE - 801 Service and Support

CNENET.EXE - Networking Technologies (50-147)

CNE3IC.EXE - NetWare 3.1x Installation and Configuration Workshop

CNE3XA.EXE- NetWare 3.1x Advanced Administration

CNE4IC.EXE - NetWare 4.0 Installation and Configuration Workshop

CNEV40.EXE - NetWare 4.0 Administration

CNEV4A.EXE - NetWare 4.0 Advanced Administration

CNE324.EXE - NetWare 3.11 to 4.0 Update

CNENCN.EXE - NetWare Connect

CNETCP.EXE - NetWare TCP/IP Transport

CNEUNX.EXE - Unix System Skills Prerequisite

CNEUSM.EXE - UnixWare System Administration

CNEUAS.EXE - UnixWare Advanced System Administration

CNENFS.EXE - NetWare NFS

CNELWP.EXE - Lan Workplace for DOS 4.1

CNEV22.EXE - NetWare 2.2 System Administration

CNE22A.EXE - NetWare 2.2 Advanced System Administration


download
To download files you will need a MODEM hooked up to your computer. Use you modem to call the Cyber Pass BBS and download all the files you want.


No Modem? No Problem
If you do not have a modem you can call Cyber Pass Inc. and we will send you several disks containing our entire product line in shareware format. All disks are sent by air mail. Cost is $US 9.95. Call or mail us. Please include all relevant credit card information and/or money order or cheque.


do that
have a heart attack just before the devil is beaten


Users speak out
CNEQUIZR Users Speak Out!

Here's a collection of comments on CNEQUIZR user's have dropped off to us either by mail or on our BBS.

"Passed 3.11 Advanced System Manager this afternoon.  I am now a Certified Netware Engineer! Crack open that bottle of Perrier... it has been a long haul.  The CNEQUIZR really helped ALOT!" - C.Whitesell

"I passed Net Tech on the first try last Friday.  Thanks to Quizzer! This makes the fourth test in a row I have passed on the first try using quizzer modules as my study helper (along with the books and classes too). Thanks for making a great product!" - S. Kunau

"I would like to thank you for doing such a good job of preparing me for the Service & Support CNE test.  Yesterday I took the test and passed it.  One of my 'study aids' was your test.  I think it helped me a great deal. Here's one way how it helped me pass: there were three questions in your test that I did not know the answers to (based on my experience with NetWare) and I could not verify the information in any of my other 'study aids'--I had to trust that your answers were correct.  One of these questions was on my actual CNE test.  Because of your test, I answered this question correctly! Thank you again." - Ross Towbin

"I took and handily passed the 4.x Administration test today.  I scored 744 out of 800! Thanks for putting together a great product!  I know it has helped me pass three tests so far (on the first try!)." - Scott Kunau

"I just finished taking the test for Networking Technologies. Your quizzes helped me to concentrate on the most important areas of a book that was overwhelming in information. I passed the test by 141 points". W.F. Tucson, AZ

"Your questions for the system manager tests really helped me as I did not have the gray books to study from. Thanks again. Your software saved me at least $70 + much aggravation!" J.Brown (CI$)

"Your 3.11 sysmgr study material saved the day. I passed 3.11 system with 90% average in seven minutes". G.Ellsworth (CI$)

"Although I spent countless hundreds of hours preparing for my Novell exams, each and every one of the tests you prepared was instrumental in helping me pass (not to mention saving the extra $70 US to rewrite any exams). The complete set paid for itself many times." T.Catenacci, ON

"I just bought CNEQUIZR and passed 2 CNE tests with help from the program. It is a great supplement to the gray books... thanks for creating such a great program!" M. Lindsley (CI$)

"I've finished my CNE -- many thanks for the help provided by CNEQUIZR. I was able to answer every question correctly on my final exam -- 3.11 Advanced System Manager. I've decided to keep the ball rolling and get my ECNE now. C.Wagner, CA

"At the risk of belaboring a subject, I really do want to share with you how very helpful your product has proven. I had considerable problems studying the many details associated with Novell 3.11 Advanced System Manager. Courtesy of your exceptional product I was able to pass the test this afternoon. I chuckled when I came across the question on SBACKUP, which your product noted was actually information hidden in the appendix!" J. Howard, Roswell, GA

"I just wanted to let you know that your network technology study module probably saved me $85.  I used it and passed the test first try.  I just ordered and downloaded another module 3.11 ad v sys mgr.  I have passed you advertisement to other students in the class.  So far one happy customer and trying to pass the word."  J. Byram, OH

"So far we are betting 1000 with your CNEQUIZR modules. I have ordered 2 now and passed the first time, both times. This was after I had failed some previous tests. i have just gotten my third and continue to find CNEQUIZR a great help in studying for the tests. I will be back for more" J. Bryam OH

"I passed TCP/IP with a 790!! thanks to your quiz package."  M.W. Hubbard

"CNEQUIZR has been great in prepping for the exams -- failed Sys Mgr first time and nearly aced it after using cnequizr. Especially great considering the price is so reasonable!" George D. CI$

"Your product is great, I have used it for 3 tests so far with excellent results, I am sold!!" J.Barrett (CI$)

"Thank you for the CNE quizzes. They have become a bit of a holy grail to me. They definitely got me through the Service & Support". T.Sherman, England


Cramming
staying up all night re-reading the same page while downing two or more litres of Coke or strong coffee


Famous CNEs
Famous CNE's

Glorious History of Our Secret Brotherhood

Certification, as you now know, is as old the the hills. We pause here to honor those who have gone before us. We praise them, we thank them and we throw cream pies at them. New freedom of information government regulations have made available previously secret documents on the ancient CNE cult. You'll find it all here, available for the first time.

Click on any picture for detailed information.

Gallery of Greats...

 Leonardo... World's worst handwriter

 First user of Sonet

 God is deaf

 Internetworking Civil War Bones

 Einstein... Trend Setting Clothes Horse?

 Connecting all those amps


Leonardo
Leonardo Da Vinci

Pass the Renaisauce

Italian painter, engineer, musician, scientist and ballroom dancer. The most versatile genius of the Renaissance, Leonardo filled notebooks with engineering and scientific observations that were in some cases centuries ahead of their time. One exception is his execution of a wall sized drawing of an internetworked system of 60 million personal computers that crisscrosses the earth using two dozen synchronized satellites running solely on solar power. This was apparently 'borrowed' from Nostradamus who 'borrowed' it from cave paintings in France.

Leonardo da Vinci made a famous collection of life drawings based on cadavers that he had obtained and dissected. His constant companion, Igor, would fetch them for him from the local cemetery, when Von Frankenstein was not monopolizing it. It was from these cadavers that the idea of 20ft coaxial cable passing information came to him.

Great Renaissance Thoughts to mull over

"The function of muscle is to pull and not to push, except in the case of the genitals and the tongue." - Leonardo


Bard
Shakespeare - The Bard 1564-1616

English playwright and poet whose body of works is considered the greatest in English literature. However, his own body was an embarrassment to his wife. He also composed 154 sonnets. Faced with carrying all his works around with him he invented the CD-ROMULUS. This ingenious invention, a 30ft. silver disc contained the earliest collected edition of his 36 plays, the First Folio, and was published posthumously (1623). Sadly, he never lived to see the first CD-ROMULUS player.

The Bard Advise to CNE's

If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well It were done quickly.

O world, world! thus is the poor agent despised.  O traitors and bawds, how earnestly are you set a-work, and how ill requited!  Why should our endeavor be so loved, and the performance so loathed?

As he was valiant, I honor him.  But as he was ambitious, I slew him.


Nietzsche
Nietzsche, Friedrich Wilhelm  1844-1900

German philosopher who reasoned that Christianity's emphasis on the afterlife makes its believers less able to cope with earthly life. His written works include Beyond Good and Evil for Dummies (1886) and Thus Spake Zarathustra for Dummies (1883-1892). He tried became a CNE late in his tragic life. Unfortunately it drove him mad. CNE awarded posthumously.

Some deep German thoughts... by Nietzsche

Against boredom the gods themselves fight in vain.

The press, the machine, the railway, the telegraph are premises whose thousand-year conclusion no one has yet dared to draw.

In the consciousness of the truth he has perceived, man now sees everywhere only the awfulness or the absurdity of existence. . . and loathing seizes him.

•	Editor's note: The above quote was written before the invention of computers, and help desk positions, not afterwards, as is implied.


Clara Barton
Clara Barton 1821–1912

"Angel of the Battlefield", she set up a supply service during the CIVIL WAR, was nurse in army camps and on battlefields, and led searches for the missing. She organized (1881) the American RED CROSS, which she headed until 1904. In 1904 she lured Captain Scully, the head of a soft drink company to take the business over. She was promptly fired by him. She attempted to create her own blood operating system called "Nextblood" but failed when no one would create organisms that could use it.

During her ceaseless work mending human flesh on the battlefield, Clara often wondered exactly what she was doing. Her ground breaking work burying the dead led to todays method of burying grounded fiber optic cable where noone will ever find it. She was granted CNE status before she was born (see Nostradamus).


Einstein
Albert Einstein 1879-1955

German-born American theoretical physicist whose special and general theories of relativity revolutionized modern thought on the nature of space and time and formed a theoretical base for the exploitation of atomic energy. He won a 1921 Nobel Prize for his explanation of the photoelectric effect. He was also an avid photographer of naked celestial objects, a source of constant bickering between he and his second wife.

Only posthumously did we learn that he was in fact, the first student flunk his CNE certification exams. At the time his father pronounced him a dunce. His father could barely pronounce the word 'dunce', so he should talk. Later in his career Einstein was awarded an honorary CNE, because he still could not pass Networking Technologies.


Beatles
The Beatles  1962-1970

A former British pop group comprising John Lennon, Ringo Starr, Paul McCartney, and George Harrison. The group first gained international fame in 1962 and disbanded in 1970 when John Lennon sought a change of employment and became a CNE after failing as a househusband. This was much to the delight of his wife Yoko Ono, who had a computer she could not connect to her abstract sculptures.

Lennon Songs before Certification

•	Love, love me do

•	Norwegian Wood

•	All you need is love

Lennon Songs after Certification

•	Jealous Network Guide

•	Come together

•	You say you want a routersolution


Fail or Flight Syndrome

But for the grace of God, there flunks myself

The brain is like a giant redwood tree. It's big, but it still contains the same core of it's ancestral beginnings. Before CNE students write exams they often experience tremendous feelings of inadequacy and rage. Thanks to the collective works of many fine minds like Leonardo, Einstein and Frankenstein we now know these symptoms are just a reminder of how early man used to deal with stress.

Split brains - For mature audiences only

The following drawing attributed to Leonardo da Vinci shows the different components that make up human gray matter. Note the absence of a common sense center.


Jurassic Parking

You are Here

You've come to past the gate of indecision, down the path of least resistance and are standing on the brink of disaster. You've decided to become a CNE! Remember that scene from the Exorcist where the old priest dies? Just don't do that and everything is going to be OK. I mean it. I take many Engleesh thru jungle. You follow me - no take picture of animal. Very easy die.

Overcoming Inertia

First of all you must determine whether you will be using self-study or whether you will be attending classes. Some people use a combination of both. This section deals with self study.

So now what. Now you must being studying and testing yourself regularly. What exactly do you study? Elementary Watson, there are two simple choices:

•	authorized training manuals made by Novell, sold at NAEC's. These are very expensive, but the safest, most concise source of study materials. The exams are based on these books.

•	unauthorized training manuals made by Third Party vendors. See your local computer bookstore or LAN magazine adds.

Testing yourself is the easy part. You use CNEQUIZR© made by Cyber Pass Inc.

Quick Robin, the Bat phone!

How do you know what to study and in what order? Simple. Call the Novell Faxback service and get virtually any piece of information concerning CNE Certification that you could possible ask for. You call 801 429-5363, press the right buttons and the information you request is sent to your fax machine. No fax machine? Well get out of your cave and use someone else's. Virtually every photocopy store in North America offers a fax machine service now.

How to Get Ahead in Networking Without Really Trying

The safest combination is using the authorized materials and CNEQUIZR©. One really good way to get a deal is to buy second hand Novell manuals from CompuServe information service. GO NOVUSER, choose Classifieds and you'll see lots of student kits for sale at about half the price you'd pay from an NAEC. After you're done with the manuals you can sell them on CompuServe. Net cost? Would you believe next to nothing? This alone pays for your CompuServe fees for a year.

Why wait for Spring?

Your own private Frankenstein

Credits Where Credits are Due

The New Math


Topic1
Your own private Frankenstein

Many students have found it useful to setup a Novell network in the privacy of their home for the study period. Expensive? Not really. Keep in mind you can buy a second hand version of NetWare (5 user) and then sell it to another student when you are done. CompuServe is probably the best place on earth to buy and sell 5 user versions. GO NOVUSER, then choose Classifieds.

Crash Test Dummies

I know several students who set up 'dummy' networks to study on.  That is, they created networks at home to try things out on because they did not have access to one at work, or could not experiment at work (or did not HAVE work). This is a good idea for those who can afford it.  It is important to spend some time on a Novell system. Here's how to do it, you'll need:

2 PC's, one must be a 386 with 4-8 Meg RAM
2 Ethernet cards with BNC connectors (SMC brand recommended)
10' or so of Thinnet cable with connectors and T connectors at each end
2 Terminators (for your T connectors)
Novell 5 user (or more) license (available from CDW at cheap mail order prices of approx. $600.00. 1-800-473-4239).
*** DO NOT get 10bt connectors, cable, or ethernet cards, you'll need a $1200.00 concentrator to make them work.***

And when you've got your CNE, that great job, or that big promotion and the home network is collecting dust, you can sell it off for 50-75% of what you paid for it.  We are talking about paying less than the cost of one "official" course to purchase, setup, use then sell-off a home LAN. Not bad when you think about it. With home LANs you can make all your blunders in the privacy of your own room.


apes
sophisticated earthlings capable of using tools to ease their daily chores


The New Math

If you can play blackjack you can figure this out

OK This is how the credits work: You need 19 credits. You get credits for successfully passing a Drake exam. When they add up to 19 credits you win a CNE certificate. Some courses are mandatory. The most popular way of getting them is as follows...

•	DOS/Microcomputers - 2 credits

•	NetWare 3.1x Administration - 3 credits

•	NetWare 3.1x Advanced Administration - 2 credits

•	NetWare 3.1x Installation & Configuration workshop - 2 credits

•	NetWare Service & Support - 5 credits

•	Networking Technologies - 3 credits

•	One elective - 2 or 3 credits (see Novell Certified CNE Progress Chart available through Novell faxback service.

Although the tests cost $US 85.00 each, Drake gives you a free one after taking six tests. I believe this is a modern adaptation of the old "carrot and stick" trick.

Onwards and Upwardly Mobile

To become an ECNE you require Operating System and Elective Credits to add up to a total of 19 credits. All CNE credits can be put towards ECNE certification.

Those who can stand it, teach

To teach CNE courses at an NAEC you must get your CNI certification. To get this you apply for the proper registration forms from Novell, then once you are accepted into the program you must go to one of a handful of Novell sites and attend a two day course. They videotape you at this course and pass or fail you on your presentation. You must also have attended a course (the one you teach at the Novell site) at an NAEC and have scored over 92% on the Drake tests. CNI certification comes in two flavors. To get the second, higher designation you must again attend a special Novell site and get videotaped teaching an advanced course. Not, I repeat not, for the faint of heart!


Creatures
Creatures of the Jungle

Pods holding the souls of victims of zombification

The Cruel Natural World

In this dog-eat-dog world, where we fight wars to have peace and two thirds of the world's children don't get The Simpsons on local cable, it is best to be warned of the dangerous creatures in the jungle you will eventually encounter. Here is your introduction to some of the strangest entities you'll encounter this side of Star Trek XXXIV. In your quest for CNEeedom you will face many a dark knight, slay many dragons and win many duals. You'll see fire and you'll see rain. You'll see sunny days that you thought would never end. You'll see lonely times that you could not find a friend. But you'll always think that you'll see Friday again.

Dragon Line Up

Just to pass your first test you'll have to deal with at least several of these creatures:

Drake

•	This is the organization that manages all the tests and test sites.

•	You must call 1-800-RED-EXAM to book your tests, there is no alternative

•	Drake has testing centers in virtually every major city in North America

•	You must take your test at a Drake Center, they'll help you find yours when you call. Don't call Mondays or Fridays, that's when they are super busy.

•	The tests cost $US 85 each. If you flunk you are not penalized, but you must pay the fee again when you retry. Remember what the Buddha said after a bean dinner: "Do not err".

NAEC's

•	These are privately owned, authorized training Centers. An NAEC will provide you with a training kit and several days of excellent training for a fairly hefty price tag. For example you can expect to pay $400-$700 for a 2-3 day course. This is the first class route. If you can afford it, or if your company will pay for it, do it this way. The fees do not include tests.

Unauthorized Training Centers

•	These are privately owned unauthorized training Centers. They do not use authorized books, nor do they teach the authorized course. What they do is a home brew, something they've cooked up for themselves and say it is as good as what is offered by NAEC's. All I can say is: buyer beware. There are no guarantees in this wacky business. There are even less when you deal with alternative sources for the courseware.

Novell

•	Novell makes NetWare operating system and controls the CNE course content. They make the authorized student kits. Their documentation and manuals are the best in the industry. They rule! They have the last word on everything in this business. They are the boss. All CNE candidates must sign an agreement with Novell wherein they state they will abide by a professional code. They send you your pin when you finally get Certified. They are super helpful when you call them. So call them with your CNE questions at 800 233-3382. They want you to succeed.

Third Party Vendors

•	There are vendors who make products to help you with your studying. These are software, text or video based products. These can make your study costs dramatically less expensive. Even if you use the Novell products you can dramatically shorten you study time with good study aids. The great thing about a study aid like CNEQUIZR© is that is dramatically reduces the chances of you having to rewrite a test at $US85 a pop. Thus paying for itself many times over.

Shameless Plug for CNEQUIZR©


Sample
A Sample Lesson - Free!

For once - a truly free lunch

The following chapter is an actual lesson that you can learn in order to become a CNE. Remember you will be tested!

Ethernet - The History of

In the beginning there was light. In the darkness telecommunications lay waiting to be born. One of our great ancestors, Amoebae the First, came across the idea of joining with its offspring to form a multi-cellular organism. It was a quick step from there to communicating with other life forms. But how?

The first Ethernet Packets

This is how our ancestors used Ethernet packets to communicate: First the message would be sent to a whale in an Amoebae 802.3 packet. The whale would eat other amoebas and the information would be exchanged in it's stomach. When the whale rose to the surface and spewed water, the Amoebae packets would spray into the air and land somewhere near their destination, (spray spectrum broadcasting) if they were lucky. A slow and time consuming process it was. Speed was rated at 1 Megabit per millennium. More work was needed.

The March of Progress

With the invention of the spoon came a rush of technological innovation. Next generation Ethernet packets required the data to be carried by a humanoid. The human thingy would enter a steam powered locomotive. The locomotive would stop at scheduled stops where data would be delivered. After delivering their packets the humanoids died a natural death after 60 years or so. This decay time could be shortened by increasing the amount of local air and water pollution. Still time consuming, Ethernet speed was rated at 1 Megabit BPCS. Still more work was needed.

Meanwhile, in the east...

Daring scientists in the orient designed a different type of Ethernet packet that worked inside the human body. It was named Ethernet_SNAPNECK. The idea was data would be injected into the human bloodstream where it would lie in waiting until the human bore offspring. The offspring would eventually become teenagers and then the data would pour out incessantly. (Full Simplex) At a speed of 1 Megabit per human lifetime, early CNEs were encouraged but still impatient. Still even more work was needed.

Communications for a song

During the swinging sixties CNEs began experimenting with radio waves to send Ethernet packets to their destinations. Data would be encrypted and encoded by Bob Dylan. Then it was sung on the radio where teenagers would hear it. It would then be sung at school, home, bra burnings, protest marches, consciousness raising rap sessions, teen parties, sit-ins, outdoor rock concerts, added to hash brownies and eventually played at the office where it would be delivered to its destination address. A good idea in theory, unfortunately no one could understand the lyrics.

Finally, a solution that almost works

The modern Ethernet packet uses a sophisticated system of airborne space satellites to communicate with other packets. This idea was first attributed to Leonardo da Vinci. Modern Ethernet packet speed makes the earlier attempts seem laughable: 10 Megabits per second, soon to be 100 Megabits per second, that is if ideal conditions prevail.

What now brown cow?

What a bright future we see ahead for the Ethernet packet. It's mutant spawn will soon form symbiotic relationships with televisions, radios, photocopiers and your laundry facilities. Steven Hawking says computer viruses are alive, why not Ethernet packets? Recent discoveries show that comets containing Ethernet packets seed new planets and create computer networks therein. Are we the hapless middlemen in this bizarre reproductive cycle? Stay tuned.

This is the end

Your free lesson is over. If you read this far you passed.


Test Reviews
Test Reviews - The Awful Truth

I never met a Drake test I didn't not like

The most important thing to remember in CNE tests is to read the question carefully. A double negative, or a strangely worded question can really throw you off. Don't panic, keep rereading the question until it finally makes sense. If it still doesn't make sense after the upteenth reading you can return to the question later in the exam.

Another reason to stay in bed - Adaptive Testing

Adaptive Tests

How to marry a CNE

Do not eat the Christmas Pudding Between Your Ears

Secrets of the CNE Test Masters

Do not adjust your monitor

The Worst Offenders

Networking Technologies

Service and Support

Order in the Court

How to study with minimum overlap

I've got the Version 4.0 blues

Novell's newest incredibly-difficult-to-learn operating system

Treat me like you did the night before

The night before a Drake test you should do some or all of the following: Review your test materials; run CNEQUIZR© one more time; renew your faith with your personal savior and promise to never be bad again; reflect on what a shambles your life has been and how this time it's going to be different; drink a glass of something warm and take a long relaxing bath. This illustration, of Lady Godiva traveling to the North Pole naked, is typical of the sort of dreams CNE students have the night before they have a test.


Adaptive Tests

NOVELL tests, JFK & the Unified Field Theory

The adaptive multiple choice tests run from between 10 to 25 questions.  Theories abound about how they work but most CNEs agree that the very first question is the most important and often the most difficult.  If you get it right, it places you in an advanced category and you can get away with as few as 10 questions in an exam.  If you blow it, you can expect to be on the "intermediate" track and get numerous questions on the same subject.  It is critical that you NOT rush through examination questions. You must take the time to read the questions carefully. Some questions are worded such that an 'if' or 'and' can change the whole complexion of things. If you have more than 20 questions, you'll know you've made some big mistakes and you'll be lucky to pass.

Here's what a CNI instructor had to say on the "first question" subject: "When you start, it pulls a question down at random from it's bank. That question is in a particular area and has a difficulty level. You have to achieve a certain difficulty level in each area to pass. If question one is a high enough level and you get it right: bingo; you pass for that area. If it is a *lower* level *OR* you get it wrong, the test will ask more questions in that area until you reach the level needed or it decides you cannot. You can fail by screwing up the questions in one area without ever being tested in other areas. Also, you can get off to a good start and pass with only ten questions or so".

Hi, my name is Steve and I'm a Flunkaholic

I have a friend who operated on the theory that he would take an exam to find out the questions, flunk, then go home and study "just" those areas.  Five exams and over $400 later, he abandoned his theory.  Everyone knows someone who "studied" the Drake CNE assessment test and figured they were ready to write because they had memorized the assessment test answers.  Usually they fail.  Happily, each exam seems to contain one of the questions found on the Novell CNE assessment test.  It is interesting that several CNE students have commented to me that, after flunking, they found the questions easier the second time they wrote an exam.  They say that "if I had the questions I got the second time around, the first time I wrote the exam, I wouldn't have flunked".  Fact or fiction?  You be the judge.  Of course these are all just theories, based on conversations with many CNE's, CNE students, and 8mm films shot inadvertently by tourists at Novell headquarters. Novell denies any validity to such theories.

Where there's a paying customer, there's a way

Shameless Plug for CNEQUIZR©


Brain
Sleepy Brain/Alert Mind

A Mind Is a Terrible Thing To Taste

If you are like me, you consider your memory like a beat up Ford you keep in the garage.  A useful enough thing, sure, but you can't rely on it.  That's why review is so critical in studying.  Studies have found that an "enthusiastic, highly motivated, adult student" retains all of 30% during a "professional, adult education audio visual seminar".  If the seminar includes a review the following day, retention goes up to 50% (maybe).  However, if the student is exposed to regular review five times, retention goes up to over 80%. It is critical that you review regularly in preparation for an exam. CNEQUIZR© is an excellent review tool.  Perusing your books is usually a good idea.  If you ask a fellow student whether an exam was "easy" or "hard", the answer you'll get will be based on whether the student "studied" or "read".  It is not beneath Novell to have cryptic, hard to understand questions that can't be studied for. See Jungle Traps for some examples. Generally the questions are fair. Cramming is NOT a good idea. If you give yourself the proper time frame to prepare for an exam, you'll have a much easier time of it, and retain a lot more information after writing the test.


Secrets
Secrets of the CNE Masters

While I was studying to be a CNE I visited an ancient graveyard in Japan. I had just eaten too much Dim Sum so I nodded off on a blue marble bench. Suddenly I found myself in front of a great mountain. My body was covered in network cables and in my right hand was a line tester. Before me, bathed in light, sat an old, old man with a white wispy beard. As I approached him his eyes opened and this is what he said:

•	Always go to the bathroom before a Drake test, they will not let you out of the room in most places. They will think you are cheating, but they'll never admit it.

•	All CNE exams are passed or failed before they are written. Don't bother studying minutes before a test. If you know your stuff you will pass. Relax and free yourself from worries.

•	Do not let other irritating people in the test room get to you. So what if they constantly sniffle and squeak their chairs? One day they'll get theirs.

•	Dress up for your exam. As stupid as it sounds, being well groomed for a test sends positive professional signals to your subconscious saying "this is a big deal and I'm going to give it my best".

•	Never make the following sound in an exam if you flunk, take it out to the parking lot (press button):

... suddenly I felt something awful. I looked down. I had dribbled all over my tie and my neck was incredibly sore. It had all been a dream! Or had it? As I left the park the skies parted and a giant bolt of lightning zapped a nearby iron fence and then the sun burst out while thousands of doves filled the skies. The locals thought it was part of a Godzilla movie being shot, or something.


Cyber Pass BBS
The Cyber Pass BBS is available at 613 237-6820. It is open 24 hours a day and can handle up to 28,800 bps. Settings 8,N,1.


Complete CNE
a collection of the most common tests taken by CNE students to get their CNE certification


Networking Technologies

If I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all

Take a one year university course, compress it into one manual, teach it in a three day course and what do you have? Networking Technologies, the scourge of all CNE students. This monster test should be given a respectful several weeks of studying before attempting.

Networking Technologies: The Mother of all Drake tests.  It tends to focus on one area, such as SNA and neglects vast areas you studied so hard on.  Of course there is no way of knowing what the "area" of Networking Technologies will be.  Packets you are expected to know are TCP/IP, IPX, IP, AppleTalk, Arcnet and the various ETHERNET packets.  The first reading of the Networking Technologies manual is depressing. It seems like a herculean task just to get through it once, let alone twice or more. But it is not so bad if broken down into manageable pieces. If it seems overwhelming, take a break then keep plowing through.

Even if you are the brave soul type that takes exams without using CNEQUIZR, you should think twice about taking this one without help.


Service Support
Service & Support

One Nightmare you can't wake up from

Service & Support: This test requires you do fill-in-the-blanks, multiple choice and also to search through two different CD-ROM libraries for all kinds of obscure information. There is very little way to prepare for the CD ROM part outside of playing with the CD ROM in a classroom or at home. You are also required to click on 'hot spots' on drawings to identify different parts of a network and different kinds of cables and connectors. At the end of the test Drake supplies you with a noose in case you forgot to bring your own.

Effective 1995 Novell will be selling a revised version of the Service and Support kit that comes with a CD ROM that will allow you to practice searching through the different CD ROM databases. If you bought your kit before 1995, you are out of luck.


Study Order

The best order for taking exams, in order to build up a base of knowledge and to take advantage of repetition is:

 1.   Dos/Microcomputer concepts
 2.   NetWare v3.1x Administration
 3.   NetWare v3.12 Advanced Administration
 4.   NetWare v3.12 Installation & Configuration
 3.   NetWare Service and Support
 4.   Networking Technologies

 After passing those exams, electives such as NetWare Connect and  TCP/IP will seem much easier.


Version4
Version 4.0/4.1

I Forgave at the Office

Rumors abound about Novell forcing CNEs to go out and take the NetWare v4.0 track.  They have, in their mercy, forgiven the market for not eating up their latest operating system fast enough.  As yet CNE's are not required to take any courses involving v4.0. However those planning to move onto ECNE need to take the v3.11 to 4.0 update course.  ECNE's are now required to have that, as a minimum knowledge of 4.0, since June of 1993.

Thinking Caps Required

The version 4.0 tests will really tax your brain. There are two completely different layers of security in this series, not to mention the complexities of internetworking dozens of servers harmoniously in the NDS environment. Unless you have a really good reason to take the v.40 track, don't. Take the v3.12 track, get your certification, then go back and learn v.40 at your leisure. The future of networking will be something like version 4.0. God help us.


A Star Is Born

OK, I got it! Now what do I get?

When you pass the final exam that makes you a CNE, an alarm goes off in the classroom and confetti and streamers fill your hair. A phone call from your president or prime minister is not unusual. Dinner dates with celebrities and complementary plastic surgery are arranged.  In your dreams!  In reality, an overworked employee stamps your proof sheet and you walk out feeling like you've just purchased a straw broom.  Three weeks later a parcel arrives containing: your red Novell certificate; a CNE pin; CNE membership conditions; an application to CNEPA ($150 US per year); an out-of-date Novell Encyclopedia CD-ROM; a photo ID form and miscellaneous stuff like a NetWare Buyer's Guide certificate, and glossy black and white logos for making business cards.  After your heart rate returns to normal, you are on your own.  Personally, I told every person I know about it.  It impresses people in the computer profession, for now.  I got E-mail from our division vice-president.  People I hadn't spoken to for years called me up to congratulate me (really).  You attain guru status.  You are more attractive.  People start rubbing their sweaty hands together in your presence and offer to get you things. You have arrived.


Abusing Power
Abusing Power - Your birthright

If a monster has 99 heads, who's going to notice one more?

OK let's say now your a CNE. Great! You've got it all now, the big car, the big house, the big paycheck and the big VISA bill. Hey! You can have a big head too! But don't, and you'll save yourself endless humiliations. You will discover that no matter how much you think you know, you don't know squat. So when your users keep asking infinitely dumb questions, try and keep everything in perspective. Maybe they don't know how to login in, but they can make one mean Chile Burger. So to keep sane I recommend the following:

•	Insist on documenting as much as possible about your user's and their setups

•	Put all kinds of stickers and reminders on or inside their computers about their peculiarities. Make backups of their configuration files.

•	Make really dumb users keep a journal of "tips and tricks" that they can consult before calling you

•	Never expect users to confess to anything

•	No matter how hard it is - be polite

•	Don't take any crap from anyone


Earnings
Miscellaneous stuff you can't live without

What do CNEs talk about in the morning?

Paradigms to avoid

What can a CNE expect to earn?

CNE's make anywhere between $22,000 and $40,000 per year. This largely depends on their experience and the complexity of the environment which they must control. Obviously if you are in charge of a mega-complex with 10 different operating systems, all on the Internet and all needing to chat you can expect to earn more. Sometimes a paper CNE will have to settle for a low base salary until they have the necessary experience. This can take a couple of years. Don't complain. Learn.

Your 13th Nervous Breakdown

Stressbusting

More Deep Thoughts


Paradigms
Paradigms you should avoid

The Mind is Not a Computer

Why Oprah Winfrey can afford her own chef

Turn on any stupid talk show or listen to any armchair intellectual and they'll start comparing the human mind to a computer. Next they'll start comparing human evolution to programming. Once you get these people going you can't shut them up. Anyhow they are wrong, wrong, wrong. Here are some points to disembowel them with:

•	Computers do not crave pizza

•	Computers are not obnoxious

•	Computers are not egomaniacs

•	Computers can't run on peanut butter and chocolate

•	Computers don't dream

•	Computers don't care about shoes, cars, makeup or fast cars

•	Computers do not like or watch television

•	It's OK to throw out a computer

And this is the point that's blow their arguments to hell:

•	Computers can communicate with each other perfectly


Stress

Stressbusting Through The Ages

We're all human.  We'd all rather be at the ball game than locked up in our rooms studying for exams. When your mind starts to wander, consider the following:

•	A man can stand almost anything except a succession of ordinary days - GOETHE

•	In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are only consequences. - Robert G. Ingersoll

•	Practice yourself, for heaven's sake, in little things; and thence proceed to greater. - Epictetus

•	You've got to keep fighting - you've got to risk your life every six months to stay alive. - Elia Kazan

•	What one has to do usually can be done. 	- Eleanor Roosevelt

•	It is no use saying "we are doing our best". You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary. - WINSTON CHURCHILL

•	Go forth and multiply. - Pascal


Topic1_1
More Relevant Quotes

One has to look out for engineers—they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. Marcel Pagnol (1895-1974)

For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. Bible, Hebrew . Ecclesiastes 1:18.

I always pass on good advice.  It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

I dislike arguments of any kind.  They are always vulgar, and often convincing. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over. F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896–1940), U.S. author.

Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth more than twice their weight of cleverness. Thomas Henry Huxley (1825–95), English biologist.

When you go in search of honey you must expect to be stung by bees. Kenneth Kaunda (b. 1924), Zambian politician


References

I came, I saw, I copied, I pasted

This essay was based on a previous essay created to accompany the original DOS version of CNEQUIZR©. The document was called Survival.txt.

This multimedia version has been greatly enhanced by including excerpts from Microsoft Bookshelf '94 (Multimedia Reference Library). This is part of the Microsoft Home series. This is an essential tool for those with writer's block and also makes a great coaster.

Other tools used to create this document

•	Visual Help - a super-easy-to-use Help document authoring system. I picked this software up on CompuServe. It can also be registered on CompuServe ($49.00). Contact WinWare Inc. P.O. Box 2923 Mission Viejo, CA 92690. CI$ ID 70272,1656

•	Adobe Photoshop - this fantastic product was used primarily for resizing photos. From the geniuses at Adobe systems.

•	Graphic Workshop - another handy utility from CompuServe. This takes any graphic format and converts into the format you need. Only $40. Contact Alchemy Mindworks, P.O. Box 500 Beeton Ontario, L0G 1A0 Canada

•	Forehelp - another great help authoring system from ForeFront Inc. I used it to spell check the help file and add a few extra features.


Telephone
Useful telephone numbers

•	Novell 800 638-9273

•	Novell Education 800 233-3382

•	Novell FAXBACK 801 429-5363

•	Novell CNE Certification Status Check 800-453-1267 Ext. 7556

•	Drake Testing 800 733-3926

•	Cyber Pass Inc. 800 255-3763 or 613 237-4991

•	Cyber Pass FAX 613 230-5279

•	Cyber Pass BBS 613 237-6820


Common Stupid Questions
Commonly Asked Stupid Questions

Next on Oprah: I was a teenage computer virus

Why should I learn about Networking?

Why Must I Study?

Why Me?

Why Must I Die?

Questions you'll eventually ask

Why Am I Running This Thing?

What Is The Sound of One Hand Clapping?


computer equipment
screen savers, Star Trek mouse pads etc.


Why Networks
Why Networks?

Why, because people that work in Networking are the sexiest, most intelligent and most important people to populate God's green earth.

The Reality of Alien Abductions

Let's face it. UFOs aren't going away. They have their own political party now. I've been watching the X-Files on TV. I know what I'm talking about. Aliens are in every home, office and department store in North America. You've all see Plan 9 From Outer Space, you know what I'm talking about.

Here comes the new boss, just like the old boss

Computers come from other planets. Even if you don't believe me, you must admit you've seen them take over every important function from banking to horse racing. They are in charge now. Work for them and maybe they'll spare you when they decide humans are no longer necessary. Maybe they'll keep a few of us around the maintain things. Maybe they'll keep only the CNE's!


Why Study
Why Must I Study?

Why, even though you are a good person and have lived an exemplary life, I'm afraid you must study in order to learn. Think of studying like planning to a trip to Las Vegas. First you have to pack everything: Let's see there's the glossary, the terminology, the inane acronyms, the frame types and gee, I didn't know I needed so much baggage. Anyhow, once your done, playing with networks is just like being in Las Vegas, except you'll be playing with other peoples data and valuable time instead of poker chips.


Why Me
Why Me?

When you were in heaven you made a special deal so that you would be born in this century and not the next one (you opted for birth before the apocalypse). You agreed that you would become a CNE. You actually signed an agreement saying that if you didn't become a CNE, you would be born again as Richard Simmons and dance to the oldies for all eternity. God have mercy on your soul if you fail.


Why Must I Die
Why Must I Die?

Why, to make room for other CNE's of course.


Why This
Why Am I Running This Thing?

Because you're good enough, smart enough, nice enough and darn it, people like you.


What Is the Sound of...
What Is The Sound of One Hand Clapping?

This riddle or Koan has perplexed Zen students over the millenia. Fortunately I have solved the riddle and present it here for the first time. Please press the button (MCI sound device).


life
25 years in a maximum security prison


awful revelation
I am not going to be a rock star


Author
About the Author

Not written in the first person in order to seem humble

Rene Caron, ECNE prides himself in having worked at almost every conceivable job this civilization has to offer. Raised by a tall family claiming some sort of genetic similarity Caron spent his early years traveling the world and working at demeaning jobs. These jobs included:

•	Ice cream cart driver

•	Fish freezer cleaner

•	Grave digger

•	Pot washer

•	Busboy

•	Courier who drove at breakneck speeds until he lost his drivers license

It slowly occurred to the dimwitted youth that he must improve his skills in order to earn more money.

After a decade of selfless service training humans to use computers, Caron enlisted himself in the fight to control computer networking. Sadly he was engulfed by greater powers and today he is part of the Borg-like master plan to network every computer on earth. To make matters worse, he authored a software program to help seduce even more gullable humans into the shameful networking trade. That software is CNEQUIZR©, the best software of its kind in this solar system.

The author can be reached at the following addresses:

•	ab708@freenet.carleton.com

•	72603,1004 (CompuServe)

•	Cyber Pass Inc. 417 Bay St. Suite 3, Ottawa, ON Canada K1R 6A5

Join the fun!

If you have information that you would like to have included in future versions of this document please forward them to the author by electronic mail ONLY. If it is used your name will be credited with the material.


Cyber Pass Inc.

The makers of CNEQUIZR©.

Telephone Numbers


Index

A

A Star Is Born

Abusing Power

Adaptive Tests

Author

B

Bard

Beatles

Brain

C

Clara Barton

CNEQUIZR

Common Stupid Questions

CompuServe

Creatures

Cyber Pass Inc.

D

Dante

Darwinism

demos

E

Earnings

Einstein

F

Fail or Flight Syndrome

Famous CNEs

Freeware

H

Hardware

History

How much does CNEQUIZR cost

How to become a CNE

How to Order CNEQUIZR

I

Index

J

jungle book

Jungle

Jurassic Parking

L

Leonardo

N

Networking Technologies

Nietzsche

Nostradamus

O

Order Form

P

Paradigms

Paradise

R

References

S

Sample

Secrets

Service Support

Stress

Study Order

T

Table of Contents

Telephone

Test Reviews

The New Math

Tiger

Topic1

Topic1

Topic2

U

Users speak out

V

Version4

W

What about the Drake test

What is CNEQUIZR

What Is the Sound of...

Who makes CNEQUIZR

Why is CNEQUIZR the best

Why Me

Why Must I Die

Why Networks

Why Study

Why This

Why was I born


Jungle
Jungle - defined officially

jun·gle (jùng¹gel) noun
1. Land densely overgrown with tropical vegetation.
2. A dense thicket or growth, a dense, confused mass; a jumble.
3. A bar or restaurant with plants all over the place.
4. Any government department
5. High school
6. A place or milieu characterized by intense, often ruthless competition or struggle for survival: the corporate jungle; the CNE jungle

[Ultimately from Sanskrit jangalam, desert, wasteland, uncultivated area, from jangala-, desert, waste.]


jungle book
The CNE Jungle Book

By Rudyard Kipling Jr.

Mi advise tu them who are about tu begin, in arnest, the jurney ov life, is tu take their harte in one hand and a club in the other. Josh Billings [Henry Wheeler Shaw] (1818–85),

The story of a young boy, Sambu, who is raised in a virtual day care in Silicon Valley. One day when the videotape finally breaks in the daycare/laboratory VCR, he discovers the video image he has called mother all his life is nothing but a video image he has called mother all his life. One awful revelation follows another. He discovers that it is possible to have a life outside of fiddling with computer equipment all day long, then going home exhausted. He attempts to escape his job as a help desk operator to become a CNE so he can marry a beautiful cartoon character. After many adventures, he succeeds. Costars Sharon Stone.


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666

sign of the devil, also toll free number to Adult BBS in Hell


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The chance meeting of particles with atomic mass


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Unlike "normal" tests which run between 70 and 150 questions, Adaptive Tests have only 10-25 questions. Each question is scored differently. Some questions are worth much more than others. The only good thing about Adaptive Tests is they are mercifully short.


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The belief that when we die we travel through a tunnel and are greeted by an angel in a cheerful office where we find all the data we accidentally erased while on earth, and all of our missing single socks.


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Aliens

personal computers


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astrologer

One who makes a living telling people what they want to hear. See also: Politicians; Local Politicians


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the force that keeps chemists in business


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individually trained and certified by Novell


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Wacked out beat poet turned electric guitar maven


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Borg

The Borg: A race of giant cube spaceships that capture organic species and make them slaves. The Borg takes over entire planets at a time. It is useless to surrender. Your arguments are irrelevant. - Watch Star Trek reruns for more detail.


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BPCS

Bits per Continental Shift


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British

Something to do with the Queen


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a term used earlier in the century when people held jobs for more than one year


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Put a carrot on a string. Attach the string to a stick. Hold the stick, with the dangling carrot, in front of a CNE student. Supposedly the CNE student will move forward, but never get the carrot.


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cave paintings

paintings of caves


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authorized NAEC classes or unauthorized classes


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CNE Jungle Book

<jungle book>


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CNE

Certified NetWare Engineer


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CNEPA

Organization of CNEs


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CNEQUIZR©

<CNEQUIZR>


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CNI instructor

Certified NetWare Instructor - works only at NAECs


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CompuServe

CI$ for short. The world's largest BBS - with access numbers in every major city in the world. An account here is a must for CNE's. Novell has their forums here.


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computer profession

Gold collar workers: people who are grossly overpaid because they can steer a mouse.


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Cyber Pass BBS

613 237-6820


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CYBER PASS INC.

<Who makes CNEQUIZR>


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Cyber Pass

<Who makes CNEQUIZR>


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Darwin

Darwin, a secret opponent to science, lived his entire with the burden of knowing that everything he did would one day be the subject of humorous essays and cartoons.


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double negative

effects mental clarity like a double scotch


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E-mail

Electronic mail, not Electronic Male, sorry ladies.


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one who rises before noon


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Great grandson of Von Frankenstein


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full of typos


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enough time

perhaps when South America has drifted over and connected to Australia


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Exorcist

scariest movie ever made


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third cousin of Von Frankenstein


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faxback

<telephone>


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popular lounge song from the 1970's


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fossisfootwarmalia

The single socks lost by early mankind. Primitively believed to be "taken by Lightning God" by our dimwitted ancestors, Darwin hypothesized that they were probably lost while drying beside the now evaporated Atlantis Ocean.


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France

a place with embarrassing public restrooms


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Frankenstein

Leonardo's roomate in college


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George Harrison

George is an ECNE. Eccentric Celebrated Nerd of England.


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inventors of Sour Kraut


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government regulations

complex algorithms that cost billions of dollars to implement and accomplish nothing


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guru

Person who understands DOS commands


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help desk operator

punishment for deeds done in previous lifetime


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hstudying and testing

<HowCNE>


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organic consumption based recycling organisms, overall function in nature yet to be established


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hypertext

Hypertext documents are not sequential. You can jump from one topic to the next by clicking on text, buttons or images. For instance when you click on a green underlined text label it will jump to that subject. Use the buttons at the top of the screen to navigate.


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it is after midnight and only one workstation is logged onto the network


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incredible expense

two chinese takeout dinners and four bottles of Perrier.


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jungle

<Jungle>


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Leonardo da Vinci

First three of his 22 names


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Leonardo da Vinci

First three of his 22 birth names


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Leonardo

Leo for short


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low base salary

$14,000 to $22,000


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the belief that man can and should break every law of nature whenever possible and then fix it no matter what the price


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Pet name for Von Frankenstein's four wheel drive


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motherboard

The single sexed parent of all computer components.


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multi-media

The most over-hyped phenomenon since the hula-hoop. All it means is that you can see and listen to your computer - as opposed to just seeing it.


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NAEC

Novell Authorized Education Centers - see your local Yellow Pages


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NetWare Service & Support

<Service Support>


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NetWare Service and Support

<Service Support>


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Networking Technologies

<Networking Technologies>


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new prevailing life form

<WhyNetworks>


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Nostradamus

Nickname. His real name was Bob


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Novell Encyclopedia

An invaluable collection of information on NetWare setups, solutions and work-arounds. Contains tons of shareware and useful files. An absolute MUST for the practicing CNE.


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Makers of NetWare products


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department stores or computer stores, Planet Hollywood chain of discos


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paper CNE

A CNE with little or no real world work experience


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philosopher

Trouble maker


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Plan 9 From Outer Space

worst movie ever made


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a four year hoopla of spending public money


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PSYCHOANALYSIS

I'm OK your OK. That will be $200.


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Renaissance

Before the invention of pants


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reading manuals and practicing on your own to prepare for tests


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the two sides of a giant cosmic coin valued at over 500 yen


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Famous Nerd - big fan of Star Trek - the next generation - appeared in an episode as himself.


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study references

specific pages from the Novell manuals  to be read


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The 1960's, a famous period featuring drive-ins, processed cheese and the demise of the Ed Sullivan show.


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raving


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The Complete CNE

A set of quizzes that prepares the student for the entire 3.1x or 4.0 track, including 3 electives and bonus tests.


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Our entire product line. Includes all the most popular test electives as well as the Complete CNE quizzes.


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The Simpsons

best cartoon since the Jetsons


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proof that time and money were the indivisible aspects of one giant rat race continuum


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Von Frankenstein

famous scientist with remarkable likeness to Robert de Niro


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what order

<Study Order>


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Ono Okoy spelled backwards