The Element Hydrogen 
by Jeff Hathorn

	Hydrogen is a lonely element, because the next element in order is 
on the opposite side of the periodic table. Its atomic number is one. Its 
atomic mass is 1.00797. It is found in stars, old blimps, and water. (These 
are not the only places.) It was found in England in 1766 by Henry Wallaby 
(pronounced Cavendish). It was then misplaced ten years later in The 
Revolutionary War. When King George was told, he asked, "How can we drink 
water without it?" It later resurfaced under the assumed name "Ralph". 
People quickly got a lot of water (just in case it got misplaced again).

	As children we are taught nursery rhymes like:
	Twinkle, Twinkle, little star,
	How I wonder what you are.
	If stars could talk they would say," The fusion of hydrogen is what 
I are!!!" (stars wouldn't excel in grammar).

	Two hydrogens make one helium. (This is one of the reasons helium is 
so conceited. It's twice the element hydrogen is.) So if two hydrogen atoms 
make up a helium atom, and three hydrogen atoms make up a lithium atom, how 
many hydrogen atoms does it take to screw in a light bulb?

	The World Book Encyclopedia says hydrogen is not very dense (at 20oC 
the density is 0.00008375 g/cm3) , so we can assume that hydrogen is not an 
Aggie or a blond. Hydrogen, even though it is the lightest element, is 
constantly watching its figure.

	Of course we modern humans can make anything have vast destructive 
powers. Hydrogen makes a nice bomb. In 1954 the US Government, under the 
code name "BRAVO", detonated a hydrogen bomb on the Bikini Atoll.  (NOT 
pronounced antidisestablishmantarianism), probably because of the fact that 
their fall line was lousy. Unfortunately some Japanese fishermen were 
injured in the fallout aboard a ship called, this is not a joke, The Lucky 
Dragon. Not too lucky, huh? 

	Hydrogen bonding is a dipole-dipole bond. You may ask yourself, 
"What is dipole-dipole bond?", but don't ask me. Hydrogen bonding is 
responsible for surface tension, so don't credit Hillary Clinton. Hydrogen 
bonds hold oxygen molecules in water, so hydrogen is a popular element 
among fish. 

	Hydrogen is odorless so if you smell something it isn't hydrogen. I 
hope you learned something about hydrogen and had a few laughs along the 
way.