Diabetic Friend Action Network Online Newsletter - May Edition Significant Other Special Issue This document (c) Copyright 1995, all rights reserved. Redistribution of this document is hereby freely granted so long as the document is redistributed in its entirety (here interpreted as all text which was not automatically generated by software as part of the distribution process); in particular, with attributions and this copyright notice. This newsletter is e-mailed to all our forum members. If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter please e-mail BELVE@DELPHI.COM or YASURU@DELPHI.COM and we'll remove you from our forum member list. I want to take this opportunity to welcome you all to this special SO issue of the DFAN newsletter. A SO is a Significant Other. Who are we? We are your friends, your brothers, your sisters, your mothers and fathers, your children, your lovers, your spouses. Some of us have diabetes, some do not. The one thing we have in common is that we don't think you should have to go through diabetes alone. Sometimes we have to be the pain in your tucas that reminds you to take your medications or to test your blood glucose levels. Sometimes we are the ones who read cookbooks looking for recipes that are healthy but still taste good. We share your joy when your blood glucose levels are good, and we share your pain when you feel like five miles of bad road. Sometimes you snap at us, and sometimes we snap back. We are a part of your life, and you are a part of ours. One we would like to keep around for a good long time. What does it take to be an SO? You have to love someone with diabetes enough to learn about the disease, and try to support them through the rough times and the good times. You have to be ready to have them be angry with you from time to time. Often it means you need to be prepared to make some changes in your own life. If you prepare the food in your house, you may need to rethink the way you do it. You will probably have to tell the diabetic in your life some things that he or she will not want to hear. You have to learn when to nag, and when to back off. When the diabetic in your life is feeling lousy, you may have to be the cheering section, you may even be the target of a bad mood from time to time. But don't be intimidated, it isn't all bad times, there are great times as well! Good checkups, birthdays that wouldn't happen if the *D wasn't treated, seeing the difference in the way the diabetic in your life feels when the blood glucose levels get under control. Good times and bad times, sounds like life to me! Is it worth it? All I have to do to answer that question is look at my brother and sister, (both diabetics) and know that we are going to be together for a good long time. No question! Is there anything in the world you would trade for someone you love? I didn't think so. Richard Eshelman ****************************ARTICLE****************************** Looking At The Glass Half Empty-Or Half Full? By Aimee Bilyeu-Holtz My daughter, Amber, who is now three was diagnosed with diabetes at fifteen months old. At the time it was the most tragic thing the doctor in the emergency room could have told me. Although I was quite ignorant to the disease, I did know that this was going to be a life-long ordeal. After learning much more about the big "D" I believed that maybe this wasn't so bad. My baby was going to live and we would just have to adapt to a different kind of life-style. As the months went by things became easier or maybe just more routine. I accepted that my little girl has this disease and we were going to deal with it and help her live a long healthy life. I watched Amber grow and develop from an infant, to a toddler, to the beautiful three-year-old that she is now and I have come to realize that the older she gets, the harder it gets. As a baby she didn't know any better but now she does. She asked questions about why she has to have blood tests and why she has to get shots. She understands that she has diabetes and for the most part she deals with it very well. I, on the other hand, don't understand. I'll be the first to detest it and would do anything to make it all go away. However, there has been some very positive things to come out of all of this. As Amber's mother I know that my opinion is biased, but she is a very intuitive and special child. She has brought new light to many people's lives. I think that the people in Amber's life have come to the conclusion that if this three-year-old can deal with this ongoing, day-in-and-day-out disease, then maybe the problems in their life aren't so bad. Stranger's are fascinated by her complete cooperation and understanding of her life-style. Amber can do her own blood tests------no lie! (We don't let her do it all the time because she does have a little difficulty getting the blood on the strip and they are just too expensive to waste.) Amber is also very smart and extremely articulate. I believe that the reason she is so advanced is because she has had to be conscious of her disease and her body from the age of fifteen months. So------, my point is this: Even though I have my moments of self pity for my daughter and I get very angry and confused, I also have moments of great reward when I see how bright and courageous she is. I honestly don't know if she would be such a special person if she didn't have diabetes (not that I wouldn't still think she was the most wonderful child in the world!) But, I know that she is who she is partly because of the diabetes. So when I have the moments of anger and sadness (looking at the glass half empty) I put things back into perspective and remember all the positive things to come out of all this (looking at the glass half full). Yes, diabetes is hard and has so many aspects that have to be dealt with everyday but it is treatable for now and hopefully curable in the near future. ****************************ARTICLE**************************** S.O.B.'s (Significant Other Brothers) By Richard Eshelman Hey, it isn't my problem, I don't have *D! Why should I change the way I do things. It could have been easy to feel that way, but when I saw my brother lying on the floor, near coma, it sure didn't feel that way. Was he angry that I took him to the hospital? You bet. Would he do the same thing to me if the situations were reversed? Beyond a shadow of a doubt. Bear (my brother) and I have always been there for each other. I can't imagine my life without him in it. Sure we have had our share of fights. We're brothers and it goes with the territory. But I was there to cheer him on when he graduated college, and I was there to get drunk with him when we lost a friend to a bullet. If we could get through that together this would be a cake walk. Or would it. We had been raised around a diabetic grandmother, so I thought I knew about *D. I didn't have a clue! We read the info from the doctor, we found good friends who had experience, Belver among them. Bear was lucky. His *D could be treated with diet and exercise. This did mean however, changing the way we had eaten all our lives. Sounds hard, and it is. That doesn't mean it can't be done though. I found that the trick is finding new ways to make the old foods. Cut out the fat, broil instead of frying, use artificial sweeteners instead of sugar. For me, one of the scarier aspects of it was realizing that if he wasn't immune, neither was I. Diabetes likes to run in families, and it has hit the last three generations of mine. On the plus side, I now know what to watch out for, and that puts me several steps ahead of the game. Does the thought of becoming diabetic worry me? Yes, but at least now I know that with information, and a good attitude, and the support of friends and family, I can have diabetes, and not let it have me. ********************************POEM**************************** The Lesson Needed To Be Learned By Jym Miller There came to me a time, when life pointed out one of my frailties. It showed me just how thin the thread that ties me to my world, is. I have learned that I am no longer the Iron Warrior of my youth, nor the invincible caretaker of my own being. That was a hard lesson for me to learn. Knowledge that I would really just as soon not know. I know now that I am not indestructible, and that due to time, along with some abuse done to me by my own actions, parts of me have worn out, ceasing to function as designed. Knowing that placed me within a dark tunnel, and while there, I tended to feel sorry for myself, and asked the question, "why me ?" and" bemoan the fact "that it wasn't fair". But in time I found myself a way out of that tunnel. Instead of wasting time moaning and complaining I started to see things with a different value than what was placed on them before. I see those around me differently as well. I decided that my frailties are not really all that important. That being an Iron Warrior is really a waste of time. I see life with different eyes now, with different priorities, different goals. During my learning time in that dark tunnel, I discovered that I don't need someone to take care of me, or to hold my hand when fear comes to me. I need someone to share with me what my life is, to help me plan for what it could be, and to enjoy with me all that it will be. Jym. ***************************"SO" APPRECIATION******************* Sometimes we can get caught up in our diabetes management plans and we neglect to tell our SO's how important they are to us. Here are some things you can do to show the Significant Others in your life your appreciation: 1) Take your family out to a special dinner and tell all of them how much you appreciate them helping you with your diabetes management plans. 2) Do something special around the house your SO has been asking you to do for a long time. Tell them you're doing it because you appreciate them supporting you. 3) Buy a special "family gift" (video game system, etc..) and attach a card that tells everyone how you feel about them changing their lifestyle to help you. Being a diabetic can be difficult but having family and friends to support you can make all the difference in the world. Acknowledging this not only makes you feel better but makes the people who are helping you know that you recognize the sacrifices and changes they're making for your benefit. ***************************ARTICLE***************************** Getting Involved By Judy Haley For everyone whose future depends upon the progress of diabetes research, now is the time to write to your senators and your representatives. The US government is the largest contributor in the world to diabetes research; but with the current tight fiscal constraints, all federal programs including dollars for medical research are being reviewed. Just as diabetes knowledge is expanding to the point of better treatment, potential prevention and hope for a cure, dollars are likely to disappear--already almost 70% of approved grants are left unfunded. Most of the funding for research goes into the budget of the National Institute of Health (NIH). Congress is now developing the budget which will include the monies to be appropriated for NIH; we, who are concerned with making strides through diabetes research, MUST let our Congressmen know how many of their constituents support increased funding at the NIH and its diabetes component, the National Institutes of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK). Please write to your two senators and your representative; tell them your personal story of your connection to diabetes; tell them that diabetes, which affects 14 million Americans, has a total annual cost in the US of $105 billion. Since every $1 in research saves $8-$13 in medical treatment, the cost containment potential is tremendous. In human terms, watching children like mine stick their fingers 4 or 5 times a day, inject insulin 3 or 4 times a day, and still face the risks inherent in a disease like diabetes makes an abandonment or a cutback in research intolerable. If you prefer to e-mail your concerns, you can find an address for your congressmen on the Federal Legislative Home Page (Thomas) http://thomas.loc.gov. I, along with Juvenile Diabetes Foundation volunteers from throughout the US, will go to Washington to defend the NIH budget in the offices of our legislators in May; letters from you can make the difference in whether they will listen to us. If you would like more information, contact me through my husband's e-mail address mhaley@infohwy.com. *****************************DIET & EXERCISE******************** Meal Planning - The Key To Success Meal planning is one of the most important parts of your diabetes management plan. Without a good meal plan you're leaving your caloric intake to chance and that can lead to high blood glucose levels and weight gain. If you need to lose weight to help control your diabetes having a meal plan that you can follow is extremely crucial. There are also many meal planning programs available to help diabetics with their meal planning. If you get up every morning and have no idea what you're going to eat that day you're not doing the best you can do to help control your blood glucose levels. When you don't plan what you're going to eat you might be eating extra fat and calories that will not only make your blood glucose levels go high but it can also lead to weight gain that you don't need or want. Just stopping by the nearest fast food restaurant might sound like a good idea until you sit down and realize that those french fries you ate has all the fat grams you were supposed to have for the WHOLE day. If you're a diabetic who needs to lose weight planning your meals is a part of your diabetes management plan you can't do without. You need to calculate the nutritional value of everything you put into your mouth. You should check the calories, fat grams, and protein values of the foods you eat, as well as checking the ADA exchange values if that's the type of diet you're following. But it's also important to know that EVERY diabetic has to be aware of what they eat even if they aren't trying to lose weight. When you plan your meals you can also plan your snacking. Instead of grabbing greasy potato chips you can plan to have a low calorie snack that won't affect your blood glucose levels or your weight in a negative way. One of the major reasons we snack with the wrong foods is because we don't PLAN. PLAN to have a low calorie snack nearby. PLAN to have low calorie/low fat snacks in the cabinet so when you do get a craving you can't control there's something there for you to eat. There are quite a few computer programs that will help you with your meal planning. Programs such as Meal Mate (shareware) and many others allow you to type in the foods you want to eat. You'll then be given the nutritional values of the foods and the exchange values. Most meal planning programs allow you to analyze an individual food, a meal, or a recipe. Using these programs take most of the hassle out of calculating fat grams and carbohydrate grams and let you have more time to cook those delicious meals. We have programs like this in the DFAN Diabetes Forum on Delphi Internet Services (Custom Forum 255). If you'd like to send a comment or question to DFAN send it to: BELVE (Dephi), BELVE@DELPHI.COM (Internet), XJMV62A (Prodigy), YASURU (Delphi), SO RANGER (America Online), WXUD99B (Prodigy) If you'd like information on how to join DFAN's online support group just drop us an e-mail and we'll tell you how to join and get TEN FREE hours so you can look around and see if you like it. ***************************MYSTERY***************************** The Diamond Sparkles The diamonds in the store sparkled with a brilliance all their own. There were three areas of the store that didn't have a sparkle. Three diamond necklaces were stolen from Elmo's Diamond-rama. It was a strange robbery. There was no evidence of forced entry and the thief did not disturb anything else in the store. "I can't believe it," said the store manager, "Fifteen years in this store and we've never had a robbery!" The police officer who responded to the store manager's call for help took down all the information the store employees could give him. Everyone said they saw nothing. Wanda the store accountant said she was in the back of the store taking inventory when she heard someone come into the store. She told the policeman a man came into the store and told her he was a diabetic and that he was having an insulin reaction. Wanda went on to say that she helped the man get a drink of water and sat with him for awhile until he felt better. Wanda then said she went back to work in the back of the store. The only other person in the store at the time of the robbery was Fred. Fred was a cashier in the store but at the time of the robbery he said he had stepped out of the store to get some change from the bank. He stated that he locked the door to the store and when he returned the diamonds were gone. "Well, someone isn't telling the truth," the policeman, "if Fred locked the doors before he went to the bank, how did the robbers get into the store without Wanda hearing them?" * Now it's your turn to be a DFAN Detective! How do you think the diamonds were stolen? Do you think Wanda was involved in the robbery? Or do you think Fred is the real thief? Send your solution to this mystery to us and it might get printed in the next newsletter! If you come up with a solution to this month's DFAN Mystery please state the reasons for your answer and what clues lead you to your solution. Send your solution to BELVE or BELVE@DELPHI.COM or YASURU or YASURU@DELPHI.COM or SO RANGER (AOL) If you have a diabetes-mystery you'd like to submit to our newsletter please send it to us as a DOS/ASCII text file and we'll add it to a future newsletter. Please include the solution to your mystery in your text file. ************************************************************** There are also three other issues of the DFAN Online Newsletter available. If you'd like to receive any of them just send us an e-mail and we can send it to your e-mail box. Or stop by our forum on Delphi (Custom Forum 255). Here are the other issues that are now available for upload. Fall Edition: DFAN Online * Official Flower Seeds * Article - The First Day/Diagnosis * Article - A Mother's Dilemma * DFAN Hottub/Biographies February Edition: Article - Good Old Days/Part 2 * Article - Coping As An SO (Significant Other) * Article - The Joy Of A Transplant * Member To Member Advice * Article - Sorbitol/Is The Harm Worth The Benefit March Edition (Special Children's Edition): Interview With Ten Year Old Diabetic Child * Article - D* At School/Time Of Diagnosis * Article - Getting Ready For School Beyond Notebooks & Erasers * Wordsearch Puzzle *************************FYI******************************** If you're going to be changing your Internet address please let us know so we can change it in our distribution list. If you want to be sure you don't miss any issues of the newsletter you can send us a snail mail address so if we can't reach you by e- mail we can send you a hardcopy of our newsletter.