I love happy faces! Don't you? Laughing morons from the planet Zerox {COMMO} {COMMO} COM doobie do down down ...................... Group Photo þÜþßþÜþßþÜþßþÜþßþÜþßþ OH NO, a worm in my Hard-drive! Dogs, Cats, Criminals. This side up <|-) User is Chinese. ! Not on your life ! !!!ereh fo tuo em teG !!!pleH !!!SMILE!!! GOT IT!!!.. !edis gnorw eht morf siht ta gnikool era uoY !enif tsuj si gnihtyrevE !enilgaT siht edisni deppart m'I !pleH !evitcudorp tsom eht syawla si etunim tsaL !knat a yub -- ylevisnefed evirD !tseb yrev eht dnes ot tnaw uoy nehw..kcocnaH nhoJ " " - Lao Tzu " Every little BYTE helps " " If All Fails, READ THE DOCS ! " " Just as well, too" said Mother. "...or worse, not to have a mind" -Dan Quayle "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 "90% of this game is half mental" - Yogi Berra "A Barefoot Dancer On Broken Glass" "A book, a friend, a song, a glass, a chaste loving lass" "A broken clock keeps better time than you!" (Tegan) "A friend, as it were, a second self" - Cicero "A lie is terminological inexactitude." Churchill "A man's a man for a' that!" Burns "A newspaper is a collection of half-injustices" "A phaser is the universal communicator." "A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck." Garfield "A Robin redbreast in a cage puts all heaven in a rage." "A screaming comes across the sky..." "A war put off is not a war avoided." -- C. Heston "Accuracy is in the eye of the beholder!" HFC }] "Alaskan Visuals" by A. Roaring Boring Alice "All clowns are masked, all personae flow from choices" "All humans things are subject to decay." "All life's answers are on TV" -Homer Simpson "And a 1000 Slimy Things lived on. And so did I" "And God said, Let there be light: and there was light." "And his wife was named Incontinentia Buttocks"-M. Python "and Our product is SQL 'ready'", Borland International. "and the continuing saga of the sticky heads" "And what I do ain't pretty!" - Wolverine "And when fate summons monarchs must obey;" "Anybody hear any good jokes lately?" -- Pee Wee Herman "Anyone see a war around here?" Patton or Bill Gates "Apple I" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "Are you hurt?" "Dunno. I'm a doctor, not a lawyer." "Are you saying we should tax... Thingy?" "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?" "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" "At last I'm organized", he sighed, and died. "Bad knee, gotta run" - Pat Buchanan to his draft board "Beam me aboard Scotty!" <-> "Will a 2 X 4 do Captain?" "Better know nothing than half-know many things." "Beulah, peel me a grape." "Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers "Bones, it's Ensign FullaPb." "He's lead, Jim!" "Build a watch in 179 easy steps" by C. Forsberg. "But once you are real, you can't become unreal again." "But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer, Gie her a haggis!" "By the way, what does BTW mean?" "C'mon Spock. Pull my finger!" * Kirk "C++" should have been called "D". "Call it a hunch." -- Quasimodo "Call waiting", great if you have two friends "COINCIDENCE" happens. "Conclusion": the place where you got tired of thinking "Cover me, I'm going in..." "Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?" "Do you have any Grey Poupon?" - "Uh, grey poop on what?" "Dok-tor - oowoo oowoo" "Don't blame me. I voted for Bill and Opus!" "Don't use our trashcan, it's only for apples!" "Don't worry, I'm fluent in wierdo" "Dyslexic Christian sells soul to Santa" ...News at 11 "Earth was not earth before her sons appeared." "Easy to use" is easy to say "Eat any good books lately?"- Q in Star Trek NG "Eat Gaseous Worms" - Russian anarchist chant, 17MAR92 "Eat more fruit" said Tom, with aplomb. "Ended up in a cemetary of a thousand wasted days..." "Ensign Pillsbury? He's BREAD, Jim!" "Every why hath a wherefore." "Every woman should marry -- and no man." Disraeli "Everyone lives by selling something." - R.L. Stevenson "Everything's got a moral if only you can find it." "Facts are stubborn things" - T. Smollett "Facts are stupid things" - R. Reagan "Fascinating, Captain!" - Spock "First shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin" "Fix it! You've got FIVE MINUTES, Scotty!" "Floggings will continue until morale improves!" "Florence of Arabia" -- feminist camelmanship "Forgotten men at the bottom of the economic pyramid" FDR "Fountains mingle with the river, rivers with the ocean." "Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give a Damn" "French Fries are MURDER!!!!" - Mr. Potato Head "Garlic roll, Barnabas?" "Garlic? Aieeeee!!" "God said, "Let Newton be!" and all was light." Pope "Gravity sucks!" - Issac Newton, rubbing his head. "Ground Beef" -- A Cow With No Legs! "gull.. gullet.. gully.... Hey! It's true!" "Hard DISK? Damn, I misread the advertisement." Old Maid "He created OLD fossils!" "Yeah, riiiigghht!" "He's dead Jim." "he's just a girly-man programmer" "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned." Congreve "Help! I've fallen and can't get up." A. Tree "Here Bunny, Bunny, Bunny..." "Hex Dump" - Where Witches put used Curses? "Hi, my Goldfish looks just like yours!" "Hobbes did it , Mom!" "How can you be so deaf with those huge ears?" "How to Budget Your Money" by I.R.S. "How wise are they that are but fools in love!" Cooke "Hump?, what hump?" "I am a doughnut." --John F. Kennedy "I am serious. And stop calling me Shirley!" "I assume" makes an ass out of u and me "I can't belive I ate the whole thing" - Circa 1973 "I can't use contractions." - Data "I Don't THINK so" {BAP} - Homey the Clown "I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates "I hate quotations!" - Ralph Waldo Emerson "I hate Victor Hugo", said Les miserably. "I hates that crazy varmint!!!" Y. Sam "I have no opinion on the Miss Ark contest." - B Clinton "I just ate a fishing lure," said Tom with baited breath "I need a home run hitter" he said ruthlessly. "I said a BUD LIGHT." - J. d'Arc "I see", said the blind man to the deaf man on the phone. "I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul." "I think not," said Descartes; and promptly disappeared. "I was pretty subdued when we started." "I wonder what this button does...." "I write the songs that make the whole world...AARGH!" "I'd buy that for a dollar!" "I'd tax all foriegners living abroad." "I'll be Bach." - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger "I'll have the dark bread," said Tom wryly. "I'm Having A Ball Doing Nothing At All" "I'm looking for Mr. Dover, first name Ben.." "I'm Sick & Tired of being Sick & Tired!" "I'm so bored, I'm starting to miss my husband." "I'm standing! And I can't fall down!" "I'm the best there is at what I do..." "I'm the pro-business candidate" - Bill Clinton "I've lost my flower," said Tom lackadaisically. "I've said more than I know already." --Daniel Moynihan "I've struck oil!" Tom gushed. "If it works, don't mess with it" school graduate "If the shoe fits, buy it." - Imelda Marcos "If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates "If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster..." "Illiterate? ... Write for FREE help." "Impossible! That is not good French." N.B. "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye..." "In the end, gravity wins.", Dolly Parton. "Is it too loud out there?" Jimi at Berkley "Is this the real life?" --Freddie Mercury, 11/24/92 "Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb. "It's not IF you hard drive crashes but WHEN!" "Junior, quit playing with your floppy!" "La Quinta" is Spanish for "Next to Denny's" "LET ACCURACY TRIUMPH OVER VICTORY" "Let me be the judge of that!" - Clarence Thomas "Let's win this one and go home." - George A. Custer "Lets visit the tomb," said Tom cryptically. "Life has a great deal up its sleeve." "Life without LOVE is no life at all!" "Logic is logic. That's all I say." Holmes "Look at all the Indians!" - General Custer "Look at those newborn kittens," said Tom literally. "Love -- a grave mental disease." Plato "Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies." "Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke" - Obi Wan Gates "Macros will do that to you deary....." "Man is a piece of the universe made alive." Emerson "Man's the bad child of the universe." Oppenheim "Man, born of woman is of few days; full of trouble." Job "May you live all the days of your life." Swift "Maytag" is my middle name; I'm an agitator. "Men die and worms eat them - but not for love" Shake "Men know life too early, women too late" Wilde "Men, in general, are but great great children" Napoleon "MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs) "Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!" - Bart Simpson "Modesty died when false modesty was born." Mark Twain "Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition" --Intel "My favorite color? Red. No, BluAAAAAHHH!" "My other car is my feet" - Al Bundy "My stereo's half fixed," said Tom monotonously. "NO KILL I" - HORTA "No man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.". GBS "No, I didn't." - Teddy Kennedy "Not a problem."--Parker Lewis "Number One, buy me a pontiac!" "Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk" - Curly Howard "Of course you realize, THIS MEANS WAR" -- B Bunny. "Oh captain! my captain! our fearful trip is done." WW "Oh could I fly, I'd fly with thee ..." "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.." "One FAT Ferengi has just entered..." Worf "Oops." -- Richard Nixon "Our first and last love is -- self-love." Bovee "Paid off"? What does that mean? "Parser? Parsnip? -- What's the difference?" W. Erickson "Peace sells, but who's buying?" Megadeth "People fear *most* what they understand *least*" "Please return stewardess to original upright position" "Positive thinking" ... leads to miscalculation. "Put knot yore trussed in spel chequers!" "put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire!" "Que es mi barco mi tesoro, que es mi Dios la libertad" "Question and die", sayeth the CZAR!!!! "Quick and Dirty Program" is only half right. "Quiet"...is an impossibility these days... "Quit staring at this ... and I mean NOW!" "Quoth the raven, 'Eat My Shorts'" - Bart S. "Radioactivity -- it's in the air for you and me" "Really honey....just 1 more message." "Round up the usual suspects!" "Said the fly, "Let us flee." Said the flea "Let us fly." "Severe Memory Limitations" "Shake off your heavy trance! And leap into a dance." "She's a witch! Burn her!" "She's ready Jim; Lock and Load!" "She's so fat that when she sings, it's over." "Ships ahoy!" yelled Tom fleetingly. "Sir, Deck Fourteen reports that the toilet's blocked." "Sleazegate - The First Name in Disc Drives" "Socialism and Nazism is the same." - Adolf Hitler "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" - Freud "Sometimes you just have to say 'What the heck'" "Spock, I thought you were dead!" "I rebooted, Captain." "Stamp out software hoarding"--Free Software Foundation "State Of The Art" is technospeak for "unproven". "Stupid" is a boundless concept. "Suicide Hotline...please hold." "Superfluity does not vitiate" "Taco Bell" is NOT the Mexican phone company! "Take me down to Paradise City" A. Rose "Take my Worf......please"-Data "Tell me, is this Heaven?" "No, it's Iowa."ÿ "That makes 144," said Tom grossly. "The abstract means nothing to me!" Rorschach. "The best you get is an even break." FPA "The dummy is the one who doesn't ask questions." acp "The faster you go, the shorter you are" - Einstein "The first sigh of love is the last of wisdom." Bret "The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept." Shake "The maid has the night off," said Tom helplessly. "The Meek Don't Want It" "The only victory over love is flight." Napoleon "The other only thing I changed was ..." "The pen really is mightier than the sword!" "The Sky is Falling!" - Weekly World News 8/1/91 "The welfare of the people is the chief law." Cicero "There are no grudges on the Edge. Only obligations." "These are not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant" "They also serve who only stand and wait." "This meat is hard to chew," Tom beefed jerkily. "This sentence no verb." - Douglas R. Hofstader "To enjoy art is a sign of intelligence."...acp "To err is human, to forgive....$5.00" "To live long, it is necessary to live slowly." Cicero "To love her was a liberal education." Steele "Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore..." "Trust me, I'm a consultant." "Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" -Yoda- "We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him" Napoleon "We're Going North Like Hell" "We're gonna find 'em, then we're gonna kill 'em." CJCS "What do you mean you formatted the cat?" "What is a lie but the truth in masquerade." Byron "What is your favorite color?" "Blue - no - yel" "What we have here, is a failure to communicate!" "What's 'e matter w' that thing?" - Scotty "Whata maroon!" --- Bugs Bunny "Where Am I?" "Where does he get all those marvelous toys?" - Bush "Where Johnston County comes to play!" "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." "Who is he? Doctor Who?" (Ian -- An Unearthly Child) "With our judgements as our watches, none go just alike." "Woman must be a genius to create a good husband." Balzac "Women and elephants never forget." Parker "Yes dear, one more star WILL fit on that collar "Yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation" - DRH "You can't close the door when the wall's caved in." "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "You picked...wisely" "You shouldn't have anymore problems..." "You spotted snakes with double tongue... be not seen." "You're good, kid, but as long as I'm around..." #1 in the don't bother catagory. #1 INGREDIENT OF PICKLED BREAD: DILL-DOUGH!!!! #define flame_retardant I know you are, but what am I? $$$ not found -- A)bort, R)efinance, Declare bankruptcy $$$$$$$$ Money is the root of all wealth $$$$$$$$ $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb Looks: FREE 'C' What? 'Cause It's A Mystery! 'Cause that's the way the computer crumbles. 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser 'Personal hygene is the key to success'- W. Nels 'til you come back to me, that's what I'm gonna do... 'Tis the season to be punny...... 'Tis the thrifty man who spends the most. (((((This message in Stereo where available))))) (((((YOU)))))((((ARE))))(((((FEELING)))))(((((SLEEPY))))) (1) Ignore (2) Retry (3) Abort (4) MeltDown (1)Your brain on WIN. (0)Your brain on OS/2. (A)bort (R)etry (S)mack the frigging thing! (A)bort (F)ail (T)oss computer across room (A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (A)bort (R)etry (P)retend it didn't happen (A)bort (R)etry (S)ue (A)bort (R)etry (W)hatever (A)bort, (I)gnore, (R)etry, (S)elfDestruct 30 SECONDS (A)bort, (R)epent, (I)gnorant? (A)bort, (R)etry, (B)arf up a lung. (A)bort, (R)etry, (D)on't even think of it! (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)o fix the coffee (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)rab_Hammer (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (K)ick system? (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (N)uke It! (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h Poop..... (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (S)orry I Asked! (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ell it (A)bort, (R)etry, or (I)nfluence with a large hammer (Beeeep) Syntax Error! - My reality check just cleared. (c) 1991 by the Great-Compu-Guru Society (tm) (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza (expletive deleted) -R. Nixon (huskily) Oh, yes! Scan me NOW! ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³ (Oh no, (I'm nesting (parentheses) again...) help!) (Takeoffs = Landings) ? -- Win () Lose () (W)indows,(I)cons,(M)ice,(P)ointers,(S)heesh! (øUø) What are you lookin' at?? *** primum non nocere *** **** Nothing Follows **** **FLASH** Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery *I* didn't do it, the *computer* did it! *NOW* is a point in time that is already gone. *REAL* men use EDLIN to create Windows apps... - This space for Rent - - this space intentionally left blank - - ¯ Time is forever -- a diamond is only temporary ® - - ¯ Today is cancelled due to lack of interest! ® - -*-*-*-*-*-*-* Tribble Kabob. --- There's ALWAYS one more bug! --- --- A naked man fears no pickpocket --- ---- Who do you call to exorcise software ?? ---- ------------ Out of Order ------------- ---===ððð<<< SPACE FOR RENT >>>ððð===--- -=( Revolt against awkward/ugly software. )=- -=( Shareware...Give...Receive... )=- .aixelsyd evah t'nod I ,aN .AST: NOT "those other three letters"!!!. .dnats t'nac I krow eht s'tI...boj ym evol I .IFF I said you had a beautiful graphic, would you... .nataS morf egassem deksam-drawkcab a si sihT .snoitatimi roinuJ HJ paehc fo eraweB .srewsna hguone ton ,strepxe ynam ooT .suoinegni oot era slooF .foorploof si gnihtoN .teNyaleR evah I won ;efil a evah ot desu I .The PS/2 Mod 50 was designed on a Monday. .wal-ni-rehtom dezama na si nam taerg yreve dniheB /* allez-vous? */ /^\/^\/^\_ê_/^\/^\/^\ Camel in a valley, walking north. 0x2B || !0x2B -Hamlet 1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator. 1 + 2 = 3; Therefore, 4 + 5 = 6. 1 = 2, for sufficiently large values of 1. 1 Gig is 1,073,741,824 bytes - NOT 1,000,000,000! 1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation 1-Hour explain may yield 30-Seconds info. 1/2 of the patients who go to an abortion clinic die. 1/2 the people at Woodstock were from the future! 101 ways to nuke your neighbor! 113 grams, 10 milliliters ... he's lead, Jim. 1701 Hard Disk Failure 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. 1912 - U.S. Income tax enacted to tax wealthiest 5%. 1960 + (RND * 40) = THE Year of UNIX 1991 - The Year of the Palindrome 1st Law of Thermodynamics: Go to class!! 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 2 cats are a circus, 3 are a coup, 6 are a revolution 2 wrongs don't make a right - but 3 lefts do! 2(C) or !2(C) 2+2=3.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 2+2=4 (for the time being). 2+2=5... It HAS to, the computer says so. 20 years experience.... or 1 year repeated? 21.3v xileT fo resu deifsitaS 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, Hmmm..... 286SX = Any 286 running Windows. 2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro. 3 dreaded words when making love: Is that it? 3 dreaded words: hard disk failure 3 most deadly words, "Go ahead..shoot" 3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population. 3 things occur when you age.. 1) memory goes 2) uh.. um.. 30,000 Elvises can't be wrong 3000 (patting myself on the back): 3Wizard in a strange WAN 43% of all statistics are totally worthless !!! 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr... 4am? Already? Oh no not again!! 4Sale, braille dictionary like new, must see 2 appreciate 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions. 5 schizophrenics agree! 50 States and I HAD to pick this one! 586, 32MB 40ns RAM, 4GB 2ms HD, now Windows will beat DOS 5¬" floppy is not better than 3«" hard. 6 x 9 = 42 base 13 640k = 4480k in dog bytes... 667: Satan's neighbor... 7 11, if you're not robbin us, we're robbin you 77.43% of all statistics are made up. 8 of 10 Americans suffer from hemorrhoids. 2 enjoy them! 8 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo! 89.6% of all statistics are wrong. 9 out of 10 LAPD endorse the use of the CLUB! - R. King 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. 90% of politicians give the other 10% a bad reputation. 911: Press 1 if robbery. Press 2 if house on fire. Press 3.. 98% of all constipated people don't give a crap. 98% of all dead owls don't give a hoot! 98% of all statistics are useless. :-* User just ate something sour. <- "TWIT" button. Push it and ZAMMO!! <------------- Space for SALE! ------------> key?? Where did they stick THAT one??????? to read the next message Exit Talk to me HAL !! nferior, ut arketable Is this thing on? ============ Who said that? ================ >G< -------- a GRIN that got away..... ? troffeeriuqertahtsenilgatetahuoytnod ?lamron eb yhw ?senilgat doog yna wonk enoynA A "PROGRAM" is used to turn data into error messages. A $500 CPU will protect a $10 surge protector A .45 beats a royal flush EVERY TIME A bachelor enjoys the chase but doesn't eat the game. A bad workman always blames his fools A BANDAID!? Damn it Jim,I'm a doctor,not a-oh, never mind A Barfing Bush is worth a Quail in the woods! A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory A beard signifies lice, not brains. A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed. A big enough hammer fixes anything A bigot will not reason, a fool cannot, a slave dare not. A bird in the bush can't make a mess in your hand. A bird in the bush is better than one just overhead. A bird in the hand can be messy. A bird in the hand is a big mistake. A bird in the hand is better than one overhead! A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose. A Bird in the hand will doo doo on you. A book is the only immortality. A Buddist nudist practices yoga bare. A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual. A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept. A camel is a horse planned by committee. A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes. A cat a day will keep the Salmon away!! A cat will be man's best friend but never stoops to it. A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs. A child prodigy knows not to bother with it. A chimpanzee and two trainees could run her. * Scotty A classic is a book that is praised but not read A clean disk is the sign of a sick computer A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind. A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory. A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory. A closed mind gathers no intelligence A closed mouth gathers no feet. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A code in my node? I must be a programmer A committe: a life form with 6 or more legs and no brain A computer a day..... A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking. A contradiction in terms: User, Friendly A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet. A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned. A cult that places dogma above fact becomes a religion. A custom more honored in the breach than the observance. A cynic smells the flowers and then looks for the casket A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it? A day not wasted is a day wasted! A day without radiation is a day without sunshine. A day without sunshine is like night. a deluge of words and drop of sense. A desk is a wastebasket with drawers. A desktop Cray for $10? Is it PC compatible? A die-hard Kingston Trio fan A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. A dirty book is rarely dusty. A Dirty Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste A dog is a dog, a bird is a bird, but a cat is a p A dog is a dog. Unless it's facing you, then it's Mr. Dog A drawing pin is an excited Smartie A farmer is always going to be rich next year. A fate worse than death........being married alive. A fate worse than death: To be married alive. A father doesn't destroy his children. A father is usually a banker provided by nature. A feather is Erotic, A whole chicken is KINKY! A feature is a bug with seniority. A few cans short of a six pack, Six short. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. A few more questions Mr. Computer. þ Moriarity. A fool and his money are my best friends! A fool and his money are soon partying! A fool and his money are soon popular. A fool and his money is my kind of customer! A fool and his money rarely get together to start with. A fool must now and then be right by chance. A fool searches for a greater fool to find admiration. A Friend in Need is a pain in the .....Loow Back A friend in need is a pain in the neck. A friend in need is a pest indeed. A Friend in Need is indeed a pain in the neck. A gentleman can disagree without being disagreeable. A girl a day keeps the wife away. A gleekzorp is like a tornpee (sort of). A goal, is a dream with a deadline! A god cannot survive as a memory. A good dog barks when told. A GOOD friend KEEPS the surplus zucchini!! A good memory does not equal pale ink. A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial. A good organizer is one who is careful to plan ahe A good pun is its own reword. A good rooster crows in any hen house. A good scare is better than good advice. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit. A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. A great many family trees were started by grafting. A gun gives you the body, not the bird. A gun is like a parachute. When you need it you NEED it! A half moon is better than no moon at all. A hangover the wrath of grapes A hangover ÄÄ the wrath of grapes A hard disk is a terrible thing to waste. A harp is a nude piano. A hen is an egg's way of making another egg. A hen tomorrow is more valuable than an egg today. A hen who lays an egg cackles as if it was an asteroid. A hole is nothing, but you can break your neck in it. A hollow voice says "PLUGH." A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. A husband is a bachelor whose luck finally failed... A husband is a lover who has pushed his luck too far. A jerk present in a group indicates a jerk in charge. A jerk. A real knee biter. A jug is carried under your coat for a dishonest reason. A KGB keyboard has no key! A knowledge of Sanskrit is of little use to a man trapped in A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for. A leap year is never a good sheep year. A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool. A lecture on time travel will be held yesterday. A legend in his own mind A liar isn't believed even when he speaks the truth. A liberal's generosity is limited only by your income. A library serves no purpose unless someone is using it. A lie is a very poor way to say hello. A little a'disk & a little a'dat A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah. A little enthusiasm never hurt anybody.... A little greed can get you lots of stuff. A little inaccuracy saves a lot of explanation. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. A little LAN will do it! A little problem that confronts you. A little red button awaits to be pushed ! A little suffering is good for the soul. A little truth helps the lie go down. A living example of Artificial Intelligence. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and . A Long Nose Is Forever. A lot was accomplished before you were born. A lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math. A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow. A man forgives only when he is in the wrong A man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple. A man is as old as the woman he feels. A man isn't poor if he can still laugh. A man serves best, when he serves himself. A man who steals his neighbor's wife is not alone A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle. A man's house is his hassle. A man, a plan, a canal. Suez! A man, a plan, a canal... Panama! A mass of conflicting impulses. A mid-air collision can seriously erode climb performance A mind is a terrible thing to taste. A mind is a terrible thing to...err...Hmmm? A mind is a terrible thing to...uhhh...I forget... A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor. A mother is not a dust rag. A Mouse is an Elephant designed by the japanese;-) A mouse may be useful, but only for cat food. A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido - Yay! A mutated, superior man could also be a wonderful thing A naked man fears no pick-pocket. A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind. A noisy exhaust to some almost amounts to a mating call. A nose in artificial manure is not studying nature. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day... A optimist invented an airplane; a pessimist a parachute. A ounce of pretension = a pound of manure! A pain in the butt may be a friend in need. A Paradox May be Paradoctored. A PC takes guesswork out of it. So does a bikini. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. A Penny earned is a Penny owed (Probably to Uncle Sam) A penny earned is Cheap labor.. A penny for your thoughts: 20 to act them out. A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy.. A penny saved is a Congressional error A penny saved is a Congressional oversight. A penny saved is a Governmental oversight. A Penny saved is a Penny earned. The rest is Revenue Canadas A penny saved is a penny earned. The rest is the IRS's. A penny saved is a penny. A penny saved is not worth very much. A penny saved is ridiculous! A penny saved is ridiculous. A penny saved is worthless. A penny saved... is a Congressional oversight. A person in a passion rides a mad horse. A person is a lion in his own cause. A person never tells you anything until contradicted. A person slow to anger is better than the mighty. A person without a navel lives within all of us. A person's strongest dreams are about what he can't do. A perversion of nature....how exciting! A pessimist is never disappointed. A pest: A friend in need. A pill a day keeps the stork away. A pitcher that goes to a well too often is broken first. a point of view is a matter of perspective... A poor excuse is better than no excuse! A product with 'ZERO DEFECTS' doesn't ship! A programmer's work is never done. A prune is a plum with experience... A RAM is a terrible thing to waste. A red nose can be the result of sunshine or moonshine. A right delayed is a right denied. A rolling clone gathers no DOS. A rolling fat woman gathers no flour. A rolling stone gathers momentum. A room should reflect its occupant. A second Childhood?? Hell, I'd like to have my first! A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are. A single fact can spoil a good argument. A sleeping fox counts hens in his dreams. A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces. A species that enslaves other beings is hardly superior A stage? No, this is not a stage. A statesman shears the sheep; the politician skins them. A stiff neck usually supports an empty head. A STOIC brings the baby; a CYNIC is where you wash it. A stumble may prevent a fall. A technician will be on the line shortly................. A teetotaller makes the worst drunkard. A terrible mind is a thing to waste A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart. A thief believes that everybody steals. A thing of beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A Tisket a Tasket, A Condom Or a Casket! A tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear it... A tribble a day keeps the Klingons well fed. A true diplomat struts sitting down. A truly advanced planet wouldn't use force. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose. A turkey roast is a foul ball... A united Germany means even less sunbeds A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its written on A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals A vote on the tally sheet is worth two in the box. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. A Warriors Drink -- Well that Explains a lot. A waste is a terrible thing to mind. A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one. A wholesome mind is wasted potential. A wife is proof that a husband can take a joke. A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn A wise man once said... I don't know. A wise person sees as much as ought, not as much can. A wok is what you throw at a wabbit. A Woman a day keeps the Wife away A woman should have compassion. A word fitly spoken is like a beautiful apple of gold. A worthless wise man always charms the rabble. A yawn is a silent shout. A yer ago I kudnt spel progrmer now I are won. A*C, who said A*C? A-440 or Fight! A: I don't know and I don't care. AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! aaaoooggghhh......aaoogghhh......DIVE! DIVE! Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace. Abandon all hope, ye who press [ÄÙ] here... Abandon hope, all ye who here! aBC AcADemY oF BiDiGItAl dActYloGrApHy ABCD GOLDFISH? LMNO GOLDFISH! Abort, Retry, Fail ? Abort, retry, forget it! ABORT, RETRY, GET THE SHOTGUN AND SHOOT THE DAMNED THING. ABORT: Drivel filter is compromised! About those sentence fragments. Above all things, reverence yourself Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation Abstinence should be practiced with modulation Academy: A modern school where football is taught. Accidents cause people. Accidents happen! Wear your seat belt! Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats. Acetone = What you do in exercise class... Acid rain dissolves styrofoam. Acid test? You're soaking in it... ACK and ye shall receive. ACK and you shall receive. across a staid lion for immortal porpoises. Act my age?? I've never BEEN my age before!! Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming. Actions are neither as good nor as evil as impulses. Actions are usually right, but the reasons seldom are. Actions from sanity are not necessarily from feeling. Actions speak louder than coaches. Actions speak louder than words -- but not so often. Actual war is a very messy business. Actually, there IS a bananna in my pocket... Actually, this all sounds like STACKS of trouble to me... Actually, what I want is a little toy spaceship!! Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache. Adam to Eve -- "I'll wear the plants in this family." Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention. Admiration: Polite recognition of self-reflection. Adult: One old enough to know better. Adventure is the champagne of life. ADVENTURE: The land between entertainment and panic. Adversity makes people wise but not rich. Advertising is legalized lying. - H.G. Wells Advice is a dangerous commodity. Advice is usually worth what it cost. Advice void, if I'm incorrect! Affirmative action rewards underachievement. After 46 decimal places nobody cares anyway... After all is said and done, more is said than done... After the frog jump contest at Tootsweet... After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? Against stupidity, the Gods themselves, contend in vain ! Age & Trickery will always overcome Youth & Skil Age can be beautifull as long as it works!!!! Agent Provocateur Extraordinaire AGGHHhhh, 4 AM Already! agnodyslexic plea: why me dog? Agreement: The basis of reality and culture. Ah Jaquelin ... Will you grab that piece of skull... Ah come on, just this one last little feature Ah foun' my thrill...on Anita's hill Ah shucks it works - darn it! Ah, Come on Let's Let um Do It. Ah-ooooh, where was the thunder? Aha! Another "Undocumented Feature"! Ahh - a desq with a view! Ahhhhhhhh, I forget what I was going to say Ai Mate, Capt'n J.P. Jones Here! Aibohphobia - the fear of palindromes. aibohphobia n. -- The fear of palindromes. AIDS -- The Plague Denied by the ACLU the AMA and man! Ain't nerd-life grand? Ain't Winter Grand? Ain't WP Macro's *FUN*...!!! Air bags...Inflation we can live with! Air conditioned enviroment - do NOT open Windows! Air Conditioner 1.0. Runs under Windows. Air controllers nightmare: A pack of F-117s landing. Air pollution is a mist demeanor. Air strikes are like sanctions with an attitude. Alamak!!! Alas Poor Yorick, I think you're dead Albatross! Alert: Invalid Drive Specification ahead! Alex Haley was adopted! Alex, I'll take "Things Only I Know" for $200. Alexander Graham Bell was a 'phoney! Algol is not just a star Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. Alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping All animals are equal, some more than others. All computers wait at the same speed. All for one and one for ONE! All for one; one for all; ME above all! All generalizations are bad. All generalizations are false All Good Things Come In Numbers . . . All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy. All I need is a Tall Ship and a star to steer by . . . All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power All I want to know is: WHY ME? All in a days work for "Confuse-a-Cat" All in all it's just another brick in the wall... All in all just another brick in the wall. All in all, I'd rather be in Tumwater. All left-handed people, please raise your right hand! All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson All men are born equal. The tough job is to outgrow it. All men are brothers. All mimsy were the borogoves All other boards have no RIME or reason... All power corrupts, but we NEED electricity. ALL PRICES INCLUDE POSTAGE IN THE U.S. All programmers want arrays. All reality is aspect dependent. All right, we'll call it a draw. All right.... who siphoned the blood out of my cat? All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full. All Scottish food is based on a dare. All sentences that seem true should be questioned. All stressed out, and no one to choke... All That Glitters Has A Highly Reflective Coating On It! All the easy problems have been solved. All the thoughts I'd be a-thinkin' if I only had a brain. All the world is indeed a stage... Shakespear All the world's a stage. Stop forgetting your part! All things are green unless they are not. All things change, nothing is extinguished. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. All work and no play, will make you a manager. All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait. All you people generalize way too much. All your future lies beneath your hat. All your people must learn before you can reach for the s All's well that ends well - E. A. Poe All's well that ends. Almost any program runs faster on a Pentium! Alone at last! Alone: In bad company. Alpha/Beta testing requires masochistic tendencies. Alright degenerates. I want this place empty NOW! Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. Always do right: Gratify some and astonish the rest. Always draw your curves, then plot the data. Always forgive your enemies. They -HATE- that! Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. Always it is the brave ones who die, the soldiers þ Kor Always question Authority; oft venal and rong Always ready to pervert pure science for a fast buck! Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else. Always remember: look before you leap! Always strive for excellence is the best attitude around Alzheimers advantage: Hide own Easter eggs Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day. Alzheimers is very..ah...uh.....uh.....um Am I hallucinating or something?? Am I paranoid?...Or does this puter really hate me? Am I Wise, or otherwise? Amateur Time Lord Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound Ambition destroys its possessor. Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. America is a dream to most of the world. America is a tune. It must be sung together. America is the only country founded on a good idea. America was not discovered by Americans, shame on them. Amiga, the choice of the Politically InCorrect. Amityville - A good Place To Be From - Far From! Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. An "expert" is anyone from out of town. An accommodating vice is better than an obstinate virtue. An actor without buck teeth can play the Easter Bunny. An agreeable person: One who agrees with you. An appeaser feeds a crocodile, hoping to be eaten last. AN APPRECIATION OF ART IS A HIGHER SIGN OF INTELLIGENCE! An armed citizenry: Ultimate bulwark to tyranny! An ass thinks one thing, his rider another. An atheist has no invisible means of support. An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut. An Egyptian King passing gas is a toot uncommon. An Electrician gets into people's shorts! An electrician worries about current events An elephant is a mouse using OS/2 ... An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. An Elephant Is Just A Mouse Built To Gov't Specs! An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications. An Elephant: A mouse Built to Government Standards An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications. An expert is someone from out of town. An idle mind is worth two in the bush. An improper mind is a perpetual feast. An inch of dog is better than a mile of pedigree. An open mind gathers no dust. An opinion is like an a**hole - everybody has one - An optimist is someone without much experience. An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. An ounce of pretention's worth a pound of manure... An oyster is a fish built like a nut. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. An unemployed court jester is no one's fool. an xplaination... Anarchists of the world-- UNITE!! Anarchy is against the law! Anarchy is better than no government at all. Anarchy means ignoring things that really piss you off! Ancient custom has the force of law. Ancient Ferengi Love Saying: Wenum can'tum waitum and all the children are above average and Boy! are my arms tired!! And do you know the greatest monster of them all? Guilt. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. And God said: E = «mvý - Zeý/r, and there was light! And he disappeared in a puff of logic. And how can this be? For he IS the Kumquat Haagen And how do you spell RELIEF, *Smith*&*Wesson* And I thought a "hard drive" was driving through Georgia and I'll show you the prints of Wales And if I come again I will receive you unto myself! And if Iraqs primary export was broccoli? And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes and in between are the doors. And make them spend it on life. and never, ever cut a deal with a dragon. And never, never try to milk a bull! And now a word from our sponsor... And now a word from the NULL device. And now for something completely different! And now for something completely else... And now for something completely the same... And now for something ruder... And on the seventh day He took an aspirin. And remember kids, DON'T try this at home! And remember. NO ANCHOVIES, PLEASE!!! And remember: Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo And shun the frumious Bandersnatch And so it goes... And so with vorpal sword in hand and sometimes the bear eats you. and that is how we know the Earth is banana-shaped And the days dwindle down to a precious few... And the men who hold high places... And the only thing the Borg left was this MacIntosh... And then it goes... BOOOOOMMMM!!! And there he was, reigning supreme at number two. And thereby hangs a tale. and they lived happily ever after. And they said it couldn't be done. And they still go mad at this time. And this 2-record disco set, only from K-TEL! And this is the machine that goes "Ping". And this is what you do for fun. and this is your brain with a side order of bacon. And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. And what else floats.....? And you thought BATS were just for Baseball! AND, it frees my palm to do other things! And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM and... and... Oh, nevermind.. Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. Angels can fly since they take themselves lightly. Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. Anger is a relative state. Angling: The name given to fishing by non-fishermen. Animal Testing = Animal Suffering.. Animals are little people in fur coats. Announcing the SHOGSORPOP! Send $15.95 to... Anomalous Transient Phenomenon: (N)uts, (D)arn, (R)ats Another bit of knowledge from the Hollywood Typographer Another brilliant mind ruined by JH.ÿ Another day, another buck 2.98 minus tax..... Another dream that failed.There's nothing sadder. Another empty space Another fine Good Intentions Paving Co. project! Another fine mess you've gotten us into! Another fine product from Bastards Inc. Another font of knowledge from the Typographer Another one bites the dust... ANSI is a person who can't sit still. ANSI is banned at San Quentin; too many escape sequences! Answers: $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb Looks: FREE Antenna coupling: insect foreplay Anti-Mickeys of the world: Unite Antidisestablishmentarianism! Antidisestablishmentarianism!! ANTIQUE STRIPPER TO DISPLAY WARES AT STORE Any bug not fixed in one year becomes a feature. Any certainty is a delusion. Any clod can have the facts - having opinions is an ART! Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough. Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do. Any fool can tell the truth, it takes sense to lie well. Any Gallaudet students out there? Any given program, when running, is obsolete. Any idea why they put this line here, of all places? Any job worth doing is worth complaining about. Any Kappa Sigmas out there? Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there Any wire cut to length will be too short. Anybody can win, unless there is a second entry. Anybody who'd run a COMM program is a COMMIE. Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. Anyone could do it with manuals... Anyone wanna buy some used Malathion? þ Anyone who remembers the 60's...wasn't there. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Anything that kills you makes you... Well, dead. Anything you say will be misquoted & used against you. Apathists of the world ..... ahh, forget it! Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. Apes evolved from Creationists! Apology is only egotism wrong side out. Apple Festival, Murphysboro's Very Own, Sept. 12-15th Apples? Apricots? This industry is full of Fruits! Applied emotion is the key to success with happiness. Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush. Arabs wear turbines on their heads ARC.angel says "zip.itup" Architecture is the art of how to waste space. Are CD's really the Pits? Are Cheerios really donut seeds? Are dog biscuits made from collie flour? Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors? Are RAM chips better than COW chips? Hmmm, it depends... Are RAM chips better than EWE chips? Are thunder thighs produced by "eat" lighting? Are we having fun yet? Are we supposed to be having fun yet? Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head?ÿ Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE about this *.*?ÿ Are you after MY pervert award or what?????? Are you cold or just happy to see me? Are you sure (N/N)? Are you SURE it's plugged in? Are YOU talking to me? (ø¨ø) Are you waiting for your prey? Aristotle was all wet! Army food: The spoils of war. Arnolt devor thosoph teron dubonic bashovisky? Art does not reproduce the visible; it makes visible. Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth. Art is either plagiarism or revolution. Art is I; Science is We. Art is not a mirror. Art is a hammer. Art is vision not expression. Artificial intelligence. Natural stupidity. Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion. As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life. As confused as a termite in a yo-yo As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 As for me, all I know is that I know nothing. As human beings, that is the way it is. As I said before, I never repeat myself. As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there As lacking in privacy as a goldfish. As long as I live, I shall be, myself, no other, just me. As my grandfather had said in his last words, "A TRUCK!" As Socrates once said, "I drank WHAT?" As the Iron Curtain rusts... As you think, so will you be. As your Doctor I advise you to drink heavily. ASCII a stupid question get a stupid ANSI ASCII and it shall be given unto you. ASCII and ye shall receive. GRASP and you get it faster! ASCII no questions, I'll tell you no lies. ASCII stupid question, and you'll get a stupid ANSI. ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS... Ashes to Ashe, Dust to Dust, use that THING or it'll RU Ask me about my lobotomy. Ask me about my vow of silence. Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it Ask others for help and be in debt forever! Asphalt: rectal trouble Asphault = Proctologist's malpractice insurance Aspirins give me a headache. Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. Assassination: The most extreme form of censorship. Assumption #1: Dan Quayle is smarter than broccoli. Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. At 19, everything is possible; tomorrow looks friendly. At all ages you are certain you still have another year. At least egotists don't talk about other people At least Tipper Gore has a sense of humor. Atheism is a non-prophet organization Atheism is a non-prophet organization! Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged. Atheist having an orgasm: "Oh, Random! Oh, Chance!" Atheistic dyslexics don't believe in dog Atilla the Pun Attack software - from ANYwhere, by ANYone, ANYtime... ATTENTION ..............Elvis has left the building! Aunt Em. Hate Kansas. Hate you. Took dog. Dorothy. Aunt Em:Hate you,hate Kansas.Took the dog..Dorothy Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas. Took the dog... Dorothy Auntie Em: Hate you,hate Kansas, aking the dog.- Dorothy Auschwitz, the meaning of pain, the way I want you to die Author of "Lead, follow, or get outta the way." Author of "Zilch." Author of the PCRelay List door! Autistics commit senseless violence. Film at 11. Autobiography: Unrivalled telling truth about others. Avatar terminal, the long distance co.'s nightmare Avenge the death of the working class! Avoid clich‚s like the plague. Avoid Computer virus - practice safe HEX! Avoid fruit and nuts - you are what you eat Avoid messes.. Remember to cover cat before microwaving. Avoid sarcastic remarks. Aw, gee, Wally . . . AWWW, come on, just this one last little feature. B movies??? I think we all know you better than that. Bababooey! Bababooey! -- Howard Stern Baby not wanted: (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore BABY ON BOARD -just means five more points Baby on board! Baby Philosophy - If it stinks, change it. Bachelor: One who's footloose and fiancŠ free Bachelor: Plays the field until the field comes in. Back to taxation without representation.. Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch! Backup is for whimps! Backup no encontrado ! : (R)eintento, (P) nico ? Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etire (p)eefirst Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (K)ill something Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)enuin (H)amster Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic? Backup not found: (P) Panic (Any Other Key) Panic. Bacteria acts more intelligent than human beings BAD command or filename...Go stand in that corner! Bad Command! Bad, Bad Command! Sit! Staaaaay... Bad Credit? No Credit? No Problem. No Money? Problem. Bad is never good until worse happens Bad judgement + experience + luck = good judgement. Bad officials: elected by good citizens who fail to vote. Bad Spellers of the world uniet. Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers! Badges? We don't need no stinkin badges! Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges! Bagdad in flames! Missles coming! Film at 11. Bagels, Lox, Cream Cheese -- YUM YUM !! Baker, Swaggart...Only 3 To Go! Bakers make the best Doctors. Bald spot? No -- solar panel for brain power Bald spot? No - solar panel for superior brain power! Bald: follicularly challenged. Bamboo sweeps the stairs, but the dust is undisturbed. Bang! I'm dead! Bang, You're Dead! Banned on Big Blue Barbara Walters? Ugh...me prefer deer Barium: What you do with dead chemists. Barnum was wrong ... it's more like every 30 sec.ÿ Baseball has been bery bery gooood to me. BASIC sux! BASIC: Beginners' All-purpose Symbolic Identity Crisis? Bastard toadflax: not the result nearsighted horny toads. Bastards do have a redeemable feature: mortality. Batches, batches, we don' need no steenkin' batches! Batman IS Mr.Mom?!?! Batman, was around here somewhere baud ó bps BCPL -> B -> C !!! No wonder C is so cryptic! Be a good consumer; ask, complain, choose! Be a Lert -- what the world needs is more Lerts! Be alert! The world needs more lerts Be American, Buy American - and CHARGE IT! Be careful what you ask for...you might get it! Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Be carefull out there Be different DON'T speak your mind! Be good to your ENVIRONMENT -- Purge your TREE Be good to your ENVIRONMENT, prune your TREE. Be just to all men, be courteous to all women. Be nice on your way up, you'll meet on the way down. Be part of the solution not part of the polution Be part of the solution--not part of the problem Be pleasant no matter how much it hurts. Be still my moving bo... er, beating heart. ;-) Be sure to practice safe hex... Use an Eraser Be suspicious of all native-born Esperanto speakers. Be tactful. Never alienate anyone on purpose. Be the ball, Danny, be the ball. Be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you! Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Beam Me Up Scotty, ............*S-C-O-T-T-Y*!!! Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room. Beam me up, Scotty! It ate my phaser! Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here Beam me up, there's no intelligent life here! Beam me up. Scotty, there's no...Erk-gh..Arg...Spklt-t... Beat me! Whip me! Make me use Kermit. Beatings will continue until morale improves. Beauty faded has no second spring. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.... Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..... Beauty is only skin deep.....ugly goes right to the bone! Beauty is skin deep, ugly goes to the bone. Beauty is transitory. Beauty survives. Beauty times brains is a constant. Because Pikinu barked so, THAT'S why. Become a programmer and never see the world! Become a programmer and never see the world!! Bedfellows make strange politicians. Been a long time since I rock an' rolled Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Been there, done that... Beep! Invalid Input. I take only cash.... Beep, Beep... nope, not felix the cat... Beer cans empty! Memory Full! Zzzzzzzzzz!!! Beer! It's not just for breakfast anymore..... BEER... Drink your daily B-complex with a foamy head. Before advising "Be yourself!" reassess his character. Before backing up ... make a backup Before C, there was only BASI, PASAL and OBOL. Before I couldn't spell engineer, now I are one! Before you act, thimk. Before you louse something up, THIMK! Before you see the light, you must die. Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. Behind every great man is an amazed mother-in-law! Behind every great man, there is a woman -- urging him on Behind every succesfull man is woman with nothing to wear Behind every successful man stands a surprised MIL. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwalt gersput! Being able to say NO is the root to reclaiming your life. Being human does have certain advantages Being normal isn't one of my strengths. Being old sucks! Being paranoid doesn't mean they _aren't_ out to get you! Being rich isn't a sin. It's a %$#!@)^ miracle! Being young is...I don't remember anymore! Believe me... It's a hardware problem or a Virus BELL RATES: pay an arm & leg to use an ear & mouth Ben Franklin wasn't the ONLY one lightning got Best file compression around! "DEL *.*" - 100% comp. Best way to be useful - stay out of the way. Bet my floppy's bigger than yours. Beta Testers are crazy, Alpha Testers are totally insane Beta testers do it first! Beta testers do it till it breaks. BETA TESTERS WHO LIE! On the next Geraldo... BETA testing is hazardous to your health. Beta version - too buggy to be released. Better dead than mellow. Better is the enemy of good enough Better to marry a man who loves you than one you love. Better to understand little than misunderstand a lot. Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. Beware of attacking SPEED HUMPS! Beware of low flying read/write heads. Beware of men who won't be bothered with details Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers Beware of quantum ducks. Quark, Quark. Beware of Roumulans bearing GIFs. Beware of the opinion of someone without any facts. Beware of true believers you may be duped by a false god. Beware of what you ask of the Gods, for they may.. Beware of what you ask of the Gods, for they may.... Beware the Cobolosaurus Rex! Beware the fury of a patient man. Dryden Beware the Jubjub bird Beware the psychopomp Beware The TOPIC POLICEMAN! Beware when God lets loose a thinker on this planet. Beware! I'm armed and have premenstrual tension. Beware! I'm armed and have suffered from PMS all my life. Big nostrils? Look at your finger size! Bigamist = Italian fog Bigamist: One who makes the same mistake twice. Bigamy is one wife too many - so is monogamy. Bigamy is one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing. Bigamy: One wife too many. Monagamy: Same thing. Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same idea. Bigamy: too many wives. Monogamy: see Bigamy. Bigomy: one wife to many. Monogamy: same idea. Bikes Not Bombs Bill and Ted's excellent adventure happened in Florida Bill Gates, have 'em write _real_ code... Biochemists wear designer genes Biochemists wear designer genes... Biochemists Wear Designer GreenGenes. Biography should be written by an acute enemy. Biography: One of the terrors of death. Birds are trapped by their feet, people by their tongues. Birds of prey know they're cool. Bit Decay!? D¡d y”— s†˜ áÂ D‚‡¦y¨ Bit Decay!? Yo— say ˜ou h†ve B‹Â Dî‡ay¨ BIT: Past tense of BYTE. Bite but keep your backs against the wall. Bite here. Then turn and examine. Bits make bites, but nibbles turn me on! Bits, Bytes, Bauds ...Can't live With, or Without! BiŠre qui coule ne manque pas de mousse. Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Black Hole Golf Course -- A hole in one every time! Black Hole: Nature's divide by zero error. Black Holes are Out of Sight Black holes are outa sight! Black holes are where God divided by zero. Black holes are where God forgot to cancel the infinities Black Holes happened when God divided by Zero Black holes really SUCK! Black holes really suck... Black holes resulted when MS tried to beat a deadline! Black holes suck. Black Holes were created when God divided by zero! Black holes: XRW, CLOUT, R:TOOLS, R:MACROS, R:Documenter Black or white they can all hang equally.... Blackouts are NOT unscheduled midweek vacations... Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats. Blessed are the pessimists, for they hath made backups Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups! Blessed are the pessimists; they make backups! Blessed be the pessimist for he hath made backups. Blessed our young they will inherit our national debt. Blessings never come in pairs; misfortunes never alone. Blind faith is ignorance in drag. Bliss *IS* ignorance Blond Mating Call: Oh, I'm so drunk [giggle]!! Blonde's prefer Hard Disks over floppy ones! Blood - the gift that counts! Blood is thicker than water, and much more tastier. Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier. Blood is thicker than water, and tastier. Blood is thicker than water. Tastes better too. Blow me a little kiss, will ya, huh? Blow up your vehicle. It's really fun to watch. Blue dove...the crackerjack is on the windowsill. Blue... No, yelloooooooooooooow Bluff means never having to sway your story. Bo doesn't know me ! Bo knows your girlfriend. Bo Peep did it for the insurance. BOING! ASCII stupid question; get a stupid ANSI. BOING! RIME--America's Funniest Home Computers BOING! Tag! You're It... BOING! There are too many people in the world. BOING! Toxicologists have better endpoints BOING! Dolly Parton-- silicone based life Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people. Bones, I hate your #@!*% human guts. Discussion? Bonking with Barbie.. Book never written: "Dog training." by Wille Bite Bookies are rarely found inside the library. Boot & ye shall see. Replace & all will be made clear. Boot in the root! BAT in a FAT! Backup,backup,DAT,DAT,DAT Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencys. Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. BOREALIS is where I'm at. Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage. Borg Burgers: We do it our way. Yours is IRRELEVANT!! Borg Burgers: Have'em our way, yours is irrelevant. Borg in New Jersey: "Florio is irrelevant." Borg Spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3 Borg-Cola : Not the choice of The Next Generation. BorgBurgers. We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant. Borland schmorland Born Again Virgin. Born crying, live complaining, die disappointed. Born Free, Taxed to Death !! Born in 1945. The replacement for WW II. Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. Boy, that's bad!! Boy: A noise with dirt on it. Boycott copy protected games. Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. Boys. Oh, boys. Lookie what I found ... Brain cell currently disengaged ... Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some. Brain disfunction detected.... Brain in gear before mouth in motion. Brain over - Insert coin Brain. Brain. What is brain? Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. Brandy-and-water spoils two good things Breakdown can occur from many causes. BREAKFAST.COM Halted. Cereal Port Not Responding.. Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore... Breast fed: A female FBI agent. Breast size multiplied by IQ always equals 69 Breast size times I.Q. is constant. Breathing may be hazardous to your health. Breed and Consume Brevity is the soul of utter incomprehension. Briefniks of the world, Unite! Bring back DICK..At least we KNEW he was crooked! Bring back the dobro to rock n roll! Bring forth the Holy Hand Grenade! Britannia waives the rules. Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached. Broken Hearts repaired while you Sleep! Brooklyn -- the Fertile Crescent of Civilization Brought to you by the Mother of all Messages BS (bee ess): n. An uninformed statement. BTW, FWIW, IMHO, yes. OTOH, AAMOF, maybe not. BTW: Between The Words Bubble, Bubble..Am I too late to jump the ship ?? Bud said,`Let there be lite' and there was Lite. Buddhist asks for hotdog: "Make me one with everything". Bug free, cheap, on time, works. Pick two. Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Bugger me with a fish fork.. Bugs are Sons of Glitches! Bugs Bunny is a Hare Brain. Bugs Bunny works for the KGB. bugs in the teeth Bugs, like coat hangers, breed if unobserved. Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved. Bugs, What BBBuuugggsss? Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers Bulletin Broads Baud Better! Bullets speak louder than reason. Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing Bungee Diving - Living it up when you're going down! Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound. Bureaucracy: That place always in need of a laxative. Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise Burma Shave. Burnin' down the house... Bury Hussein in Kimchee & Limburger! Bus error (Passengers dumped) Bush.sys corrupt, recommend optimizing politics But attaining a desired goal always is. But God TOLD me to use a GOTO. but have you tried PRUNES? But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car But Honey, you NEED VGA for Dbase management! But I DID read the manual... But I thought YOU did the backups... But it's real. And if it's real it can be affected... But Ma, Johnny has all of his doors registerd! But my little voice TOLD me to do it! But one man can change the present! But really, it was EXACTLY the same as before... But Santa, Naughty IS Nice! But then again, I like cold toilet seats. but there aren't any CHEESEMAKERS there, nossiree But what if I'm a figment of MY imagination? But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination? But which one is the fatherboard? But you're still of the same nature. But, boss, this IS part of my job! But, did you see that with your eyes open? But, officer, I was only going ONE way! But... What If They Went _NOWHERE_? þ Dr. McCoy (II) Butterfliers are free Buy a 486-33 you can reboot faster Buy a 486-33 you can reboot faster.. Buy a 486-33, you can reboot faster Buy a Mac. It can do SOMETHING right. Buy in haste, repair at leisure Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More. Buy land. It's not being made anymore. By all means, let's not confuse ourselves by the facts. by George I think she's got it! By reading this, you're either a lawyer or a nut By the time I have money to burn, my fire will be out. By trying we can learn to endure another's adversity. BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME C code. C code run. Run code, run...Please!! C code. C code run. Run code, run. C code. C code run. PLEASE, code, run? C Error #011: First C Program, huh? C Error #012: printf("Hello world\n"); C Error #013: That's Mr. C to you bub! C Error #026: Sorry, gone fishing... C Error #029: Well! I'm impressed C Error #030: tisk, tisk, tisk C Error #031: May I suggest delivering pizza? C Error #034: !!! RùAùIùD !!! C is for Bangers. C Jack code. C code run. C Jack debug. C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. C program run. C program crash. C programmer get drunk. C programmers do it in libraries C Programmers do it with models! C Programmers do it with the LARGE model! C'est la vie. C'ing More and More Each Day!!! C'mon, Punk...Reductio my Absurdum C++ classes - call for times and dates! C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers earns money by inheritence. C, the power of ASM with the flexibility of ASM C-ing is believing C:DOS C:DOS\RUN RUN DOS RUN C:\> SWEEP ECHO Y|DEL *.* <ÄÄÄÙ C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files ^^^oo^^^ C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN RUN\RUN\RUN C:\DOS ... C:\DOS\RUN ... RUN\DOS\RUN CA Driving: To Change lanes, first pull out your 9mm.. CA Raisins murdered! Cereal Killer? Film at 11. CA, the Granola State - What ain't fruits is nutz. Caesarean Section - a district in Rome. Caffeine makes the world go round. CAIRO: Just another city in Egypt..... California does have its faults. California has its faults. California Raisins Murdered. Cereal Killer suspected. California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected California Saga... Call 1-800-52-STERN For "CRUSIFIED BY THE FCC"!!! Call it a hunch - Quasimodo. Call the Liberal Hot Line - 1-976-WEL-FARE ($10 per min) Call this number for illiteracy: 555-READ Call your Father today: I wish I still COULD! Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard... Calm down. It's only ones and zeros. Calvin and Hobbes for President!!! Camels have wet dreams too. Camels have wet dreams too. It's just a bumpier road. Camera bugs always know where to light! Camptown Races, 6837.6 Meters Long. Do Dah! Can elephants fly? Can I call you Ms. Dos? Can I use my A.M. Radio after noon? Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse? Can the world take TWO of us? ;-) Can you do the Picard Maneuver in a Grand Am? Can you fill us in more on this, Lt. Data? Can you find the mispelled word in hear? Can YOU fly? Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"? Can you say "Pervert", I thought you could. Can you teach new dogs old tricks? Can your world cave in on you? Can't do it yourself eh? Can't get no satisfaction from the facts? Can't have evrything. Where would you put it? Can't live with her, without her, or SHOOT her! Can't use Windows, have single tasking brain and fingers. Can't wait for MS-DOS 5.01! Can't wait for them 100Gb, 10ns drives! Can't Win, Can't Break Even, Can't Quit Canada -- C eh? N eh? D eh? Canadian DOS Prompt: EH>? Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\> Cancer cures smoking. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Cannibals ARE what they eat! Capitalism. I love it! Captain please, not in front of the Klingons. Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5. Carasvemos, corazones no sabemos. Card-carrying member of the cultural elite. Careful! Don't step in that... Oh, never mind Carefull the camel spits <* * * * * Carelessness does more harm than a want of knowledge. Carpe Diem Carpe Noctum.......Seize the night!! Carpenters are just plane folks Castration takes balls. Castration?!? Oh my god! I thought he said circumcision! Cat's In The Bag! The Neighbours Holler! Catch a wave! Catch the wave.úùøùú..úùøùú..úùøùú..úùøùú..úùøùú..úùøùú Catholic girls, they never confess. Cats are easier to train than kids! CATS ARE IT! Cats are like furry dilettanti, or the reverse? Cats crawl under gates, software under Windows. Cats Have 9 Lives, Do Radioactive Cats Have 18 Half-lives Cats like mice. Windows like mice. I don't. Cats, like butterflies, need no excuse. Cats, proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad Cats, proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad. Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground. Caution: Blown Brain At Work! Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health. Caution: Contents under pressure Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked Caution: Contents under pressure! CAUTION: Genius at... Uh, I forgot!!! CAUTION: INCORRIGABLE PUNSTER! DON'T INCORRIGE CAUTION: Off Medication and Dangerous Caution: PET XING CAUTION: Programmer X-ing.. Caution: This stuff is addictive... CAUTION: Use with a 3-wire electrical system only! CAUTION:I brake for Bauds (If I see 'em) Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove. CCITT=Confused Corporations In Thrall to Terror CD C:\IRAQ ... DEL HUSSEIN.SDM ... CD-WOM, Wead onwy memowy. CDC þ Left The Competition In The Dust YEARS Ago ... ! Celery farmers play the stalk market. Celery raw develops a jaw. But stewed, is quietly chewed Celibacy is not an inherited characteristic. Celibacy is not hereditary. Cent, 5 cent, 10 cent, dollar. CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities. Certified to serve! CGA is the pallete from hell Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends. Change is the essential process of all existence. Changing gears, here. Channel 1 * Personal Communications char (*(*x())[])() Character is much easier kept than recovered. Charity begins at home, and mostly ends where it begins. Chastity is curable, if detected early. ChattaCon!!!A lot of fun...if it doesn't kill you first! Check the dilithium crystals, we got us a cross-echo! Check your altimeter! Pull a lever! Push a button! Cheer up - things will get worse. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Chemists do it on the bench! Chemists don't die, they just stop reacting! Chemists have nice reactions. Chemists never die -- they just stop reacting. Chemists never die ÄÄ they just stop reacting. Chernobyl used MACs Chess is a moving experience. Chevrolet, Heartbreak of America. Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators. Chicken Little only has to be right once. Chickens are how eggs make more eggs. Childhood isn't an age, it's a state of mind Childish Game: One at which your spouse beats you. Children have more need of models than of critics. Children Learn What They Live! CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman. Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. Chipmunks roasting on an open fire... Choice? Sure! Let the baby decide! Chooka chooka hoo la ley - Looka looka koo la ley... Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. Choosey cats prefer Microsoft mice, 10 to 1 Chopped Cabbage; not just a good idea, its the SLAW! Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him. Christian Science Programming: "Let God Debug It!" Christians do it with grace Christina Applegate Fan Club -- Go Kelly Bundy! Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. Cindarella's Godmother was a fairy. Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. Cities, like cats, will reveal themselves at night. Civilization - biggest syntax error in history! Civilization is a movement, it is a voyage not a harbor. Cixelsid s'lleh eht tahw? Clark Kent is a transvestite. Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. Cleanliness is next to "clean-limbed," in the dictionary. Cleanliness is next to impossible. Clear as mud Cleopatra: How did these f***ing snakes get on my tits! Clever father, clever daughter; clever mother, clever son Click.. Click.. Damn! No cursors! Forgot to reload mouse. Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. CLINTon - Like LINT but found only in the U.S. of A. Clinton never inhaled... Brown has never exhaled. Clones are people two. Close the door and the light stays on! Close your eyes and press escape three times. Closed eyes are not always sleeping. Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired... Clumsiness is picking up. No it's dropping. Coalition Forces: fighting for YOUR right to dissent! COBOL - Compile Only Because Of Luck COBOL can be cured with early detection! COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods. COBOL programmers wanted. (quick lighting pref.) COBOL.....(C)ompiles (O)nly (B)ecause (O)f (L)uck Cocaine -- the thinking man's Asprin. Cocaine -- the thinking man's Asprin... Cocaine isn't what it is cracked up to be. Cockroaches rule the Earth. Pass it on. code code code code eat code code code sleep code code... Coffee doesnt cause cancer --------Water does!!! COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out. cogito ergo . . . get into a lot of arguments Cogito ergo spud: I think therefore I yam. Cogito ergo sum presupposes "I"-ness Cogito, ergo Hormel - I think, therefore I Spam. COLDBEER.CAN found, programmer probably loaded. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Cole's law: Thinly sliced cabbage Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Collapse Schr”dinger's Wave Function! Collector: Person few care to see but ask to call again. College don't make fools; they only develop them College Students Do It With Class College: Guarantee the quality of the product or return. Color me inquisitive... Com'on folks, get a life! It's all just 1s & 0s! Come back ya pansie! I'll bite yer legs off! Come On Up To The Lab... And See What's On The Slab... Comes with all you see here. Batteries not included. Coming soon - "Black Men Can't Play Hockey" Coming soon from Microsoft Foods: Animal Hackers Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!! Coming Soon. Mouse Support for Turbo Edlin! Coming soon: Mouse support for Turbo-EDLIN under Windows! Coming soon: Netware for Nintendo Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo! COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. Commercial radio, commercial radio, commercial r Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways. Committee To Reelect John Sununu Mobile HQ. Committee--a group which keeps minutes and waste hours. Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. Committees keep minutes and lose hours. Common malady: Diarrhea of mouth + constipation of brain Common sense is the least common of all senses. Common sense is the uncommonest sense of all... Common Sense Isn't So Common Common sense isn't. Common sense isn't... Common_malady = Diarrhea_of_mouth + constipation_of_brai Communication.. without it, everyone's a mushroom. Communication: The Universal Solvent. Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop Communism is like one big phone company. Compassion -- that's the one thing no machine ever had. Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence. Competition makes great programs! compiled, first screen came up, ship it!!! Compiling...Linking...Dialing Copyright Lawyer... Complaints? Write them here legibly [] <- Complaints? Write them here legibly [] <-ÿ Compliment three people every day. Compliments of the Itty Bitty Machine Company. Compression ain't over 'til the FAT table sings Computational Physicist and all around nice guy. Computer (com-pyoo-ter) n.-Incredibly fast idiot! Computer Guru....Baba Ram Dos Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. Computer Marketing & Consults--Stay Clear!! Computer operators KNOW how to operate! Computer protected by a PIT BULL with AIDS! Computer users take more strokes. Computer widow seeks companion - non-programmer! Computer widow: Family goes broke watching Dad have fun. Computer: a device designed to drive human beings insane. Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light. Computer: Everything Murphy wanted and more. Computer:? Ah we hafta use the keyboard: How quaint COMPUTERESE...ain't automation GREAT! Computers All Wait at the Same Speed! Computers also eliminate spare time. Computers are gre.............. Computers are my job, Handguns are my hobby. Computers are Saving Man??? Does not Compute Computers are useless, they only give answers. Computers are useless; they can only give answers. Computers can never replace human stupidity. Computers don't drink: it's against their bar code. Computers don't make mistakes, but foolish people do. Computers just make me seem smarter! Computers make excellent and efficient servants... Computers operators do it from memory. Computers run on faith, not electrons. Computers: the financial black hole of the 90's Computing's patron Saint - St. Francis of Ansi C. Computious Say Ain't Life A Byte. CON is the opposite of PRO - i.e. Congress and Progress Condense soup, not books! Condolences to all who condemn yet condone condoms Condom - external storage Condominiums are not effective birth control. Condoning sloppy spelling is guache. ConEd - made in the U.S.A Confession is good 4 the soul, but bad 4 the reputation. Confirmation of the past is often the greatest surprise. Conformity obstructs progress. Confront reality -- Not drugs. Confucious say too damn much! Confucious say: I didn't say that! Confucious say: Man who meows ate pussy! Confucious say: Man with no legs bums around. Confucious say: Those who quote me are fools. Confucius say too much. Confuse people - quote from the wrong Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message! Confused? Call Lt. Cmdr. Troi at 1-900-NCC-1701 Confused? Consult your OOP Guide. Confusion not only reigns, it pours. Confussion will be my epitaph Congratulations! You may already be a whiner! CONNECT 110?!? Help! I'm in s l o w m o t i o n !! Connections! Says Darryl Basner eats Shiitaki Mushrooms! Connections! Working for a Bruzzi Free Network! Conquest is easy.Control is not. Conservative (n): Liberal who has been mugged. Conservative: One who admires radicals long dead. Conserve a hunter....HARVEST ONE TODAY! CONSERVE A HUNTER; HARVEST ONE TODAY! Consider that a divorce. Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. Consistency: The last refuge of the unimaginative Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations. Conspiracy: the opiate of the asses Constant change is here to stay. Constant tinkering buggers things up Constants aren't; variables don't. Constants aren'tÄÄvariables don't. Contraceptives should be used on every possible occasion. Contraceptives: to be used on all conceivable occasions. Control-ALT-Delete thyself Converse with any plankton lately? Cool Dude! Copy protection: just say no... Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association Core error -- bus dumped. Correct in Thought, Statement, or Action....TRUE!! Correct me if I'm wrong, everybody else does. Corruption. The most infallible symptom of liberty. Cosmic Soda-pop Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer? Couldn't myself have better it said. Count Dracula - your Bloody Mary is ready... Coup de grace -- French for lawnmower? Courage is fear that has said its prayers. Cover your stump before you hump! Cover your stump before you hump. Covet not your neighbor's ass; the IRS has a lien on it. Cow's breath attracts mosquitoes and tsetse flies! Cowa Bunga, Dude.... Cowabunga I'll take the Marshmallow pizza Cranial Input Error: Line Status Register 02 CRASH: Normal termination. Crazy Monkey Love... Crazy way to travel. Creativity is a Spark of Life! Creativity is the recombination of the elements of life. Credit card owner -- Member of the debt set Creditor: A man who has a longer memory than a debtor. Creditors have much better memories than debitors Creditors have much better memories than debtors. CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART! Crime does not pay -nearly- as well as politics... Crime does not pay... as well as politics. Crime does not pay...as well as politics. Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? Crime frequently starts in the Mayors Office... Crime wouldn't pay if it was operated by the government! Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it. Criminal Lawyer, not an oxymoron. Criminal lawyer. Isn't that redundant? Criminal: One who gets caught. Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. Critical error: (S)hout, (S)mash, (B)uy a mac. Criticism is prejudice made plausible. Criticize me all you want, but listen to me first! Crock pot in microwave = Cook in normal amount of time? Crown Prince of the Crown Royal Cruising at Warp 3 Crusoe got everything done by Friday. Can you? Cry havoc! Let slip the dogs of war! Cryonics: many are culled, few are frozen! Cthulhu Calls -- using MCI Cthulhu saves--in case he's hungry later. Cthulu Saves... in case he's hungry later! Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister! Cupid's arrow kills Vulcans Cure for baldness: Put on your hat! Curses! Hayes-ed again!! Cursillo - the Experience of a Lifetime Custer was fitted for an Arrow shirt Custom is the law of fools. Cut my pizza in six slices, please; I can't eat eight. Cute and definitely hugable....right! CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK; Taking Inventory at a Bike shop Cynicism is intellectual dandyism. D&D Anyone? D.A.M.N.: Naked Mothers Against Dyslexia Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long. Daddy why are you swearing? Have you f**ked up again? Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean? Dafynition #287: TSR=Trash System Randomly Dahmer: "I just bought a new refrigerator...seats 6!" Dain bramaged. Dairy farmers make their living off udders. Dam und blazt! Ze Germancodepage iz svitchedin agen ... DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia. Dame if you will, and dame if you don't. Dammit Jim - I'm a programmer, not a doctor! Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not Aunt Jemima! Dammit no! Don't pick on the pho^$ L%‘#!°» Dammit, Jim! I'm a Doctor not a Software Pirate Damn the documentation, full speed ahead! Damn this hobby is expensive! Damn, it's hard being different in a room of eccentrics. Dan Quayle ... just a heartbeat away! Dan Quayle for Starship Yamato Engineer Dan Quayle or Al Gore? Is this REALLY a hard choice? Dan Quayle thinks that Cheerios are donut seeds. Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of vice-presidents. Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of Vice-Presidents. Dan Rather is a First Class Jerk! Dancing with a grass widow brings on hay fever. Dancing with Wolves, Sleeping with beavers DANGER DANGER Computer store ahead...hide wallet. DANGER! Computer store ahead...hide wallet DANGER! DANGER! Computer Book Store Ahead, Hide Wallet. DANGER! DANGER! Computer Store Ahead, Hide Wallet. DANGER! Human at keyboard! Danger!Danger!Computer store ahead...Hide wallet DANGER: Computer store ahead...Hide wallet! Dangerous Exercise: Jumping to Conclusions Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions. Darn my hånî Àiüä ‹s nøs Darn, my CPU is always craming my CMOS with RAMs Darryl Basner should shut up, don't you think? Darth Vadar sleeps with a Teddywookie. Darth Vadar! Only you would be so bold. Darth Vader Lives; he recently told me so! Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie. Data to Picard: "No, Captain, I do NOT run WINDOWS..." Data, you ARE fully functional, aren't you? Database administrators do it with their relations Databases corrupt; R:BASE databases corrupt absolutly! Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets. day++; dollar++; day++; dollar--; day++; dollar--; Sigh(); Day-o...Day-ay-ay-o, Daylight come and me want go home. DBasers do it in fields. Dead Finks Don't Talk -ENO Dead puppys aren't much fun. Deadlines amuse me. Deaf, dumb, and blonde. Dear Abby: What diet is best for my FAT file? Dear FAT, don't eat so many BYTES Death cures cancer. Death don't have no mercy in this land! Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats. Death is an unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop! Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?' Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. Death is nature's way of saying it's to late to play GEEK Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down... Death MAY ease tension, researchers report. Death means never having to say you're sorry... Death, be not proud... John Donne Death, when unnecessary, is a tragic thing. Death: to stop sinning suddenly. Deathtongue Live: Billy and the Boingers Debate Conf's=Mud Wrestling for the Pedantic Debate, rebate, probate - what's the diff?? Decadent Capitalist and proud of it! Decisions terminate panic Dedicated to your culinary delight Defenders only...prosecutors will be violated. Defind FORD Backwards: Driver Returns On Foot!!! DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law. Definition of a prostitute: receiver of swollen goods. Definition of a SysGod : Lord of the Files Definition: pumpkin (v.): What people in Kentucky do. Deflector shields just came on, Captain. Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof! Delivered by Electronic Sleddogs.....Woof! DEMOCRACY:3 wolves and a sheep voting on what's for lunch Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely. Democrats cut red tape....LENGTHWISE Denok batera - PRESOAK KALERA!!! Dentist : he lives from hand to mouth. Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split. Department meeting in 3 minutes Design before coding, and all will flow smoothly Desperate diseases require desperate remedies Desperation is a highly emotional state of mind. Despite of the cost of living, it remains popular. Despite the cost of living, it remains popular! Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. DESQview - No hourglass required! DESQview does Windoze. Desqview vs. Windows is a no-Win situation Desqview!?! I can't even see the floor!! DesqView's Upgrade Policy is good.... NOT! DESQview: Windex for Windows DESQview: The Faster Multitasker Detour: The roughest distance between two points. DEVICE=EVIL; TRICKS=FOUL; PLAN=NEFARIOUS (Snidely-DOS) DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment Dew is the tears which the stars weep. Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Dial 911, make a cop come. Dictator - a potato with a penis. Did I just step on someones toes again? Did I just step on someones toes again?? Did I make myself clear? Good, tell me what I said Did I say your money OR life? I meant to say AND! Did Qfront Originate In The Q Continuum? Did Tarzan love Cheetah or Jane? - Pictures at 11. Did they get you to trade your heros for ghosts? Did you check the...? No, I didn't think so. Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion? Did you know that rats can't vomit? Did you know that SATAN is an anagram for SANTA? Did you really understand that message ¨ Did you really understand that message? Did you receive a proper socialist education? Did your dog *really* eat your homework? Didn't I see your picture on a milk carton? Didn't pay my exorcism bill, got repossesed Die Entropie des Welts strebt einem Maximum zu. Diet program removed from FAT Table. Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. Difference between a hero and a coward is one step sidewa Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail. Difference between men & boys is the price of their toys Difficult? I wish it had been impossible! Digital communications, it makes my digit hurt. Digital Lawrence Welk: A One ann-a Zero..... Digitize Ted Turner and turn him into Black & White Dijon Vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before. DILATE: To live longer. Dilithium crystals? I thought you said Folger's crystals! Dime de lo que blasonas, y te dire de lo quwe careces. Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out. DIN DIP: a European jerk. Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young. DIODE; What happens to people who don't die young. Diogenes is still searching. Dios tarda pero no olvida. Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock. Diplomacy should be a job left to diplomats. Diplomacy: Saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. Diplomacy: The patriotic lying for one's country. Direct from the Ministry of Silly Walks Direct from the Ministry of Willie Wanka Directions for PAC-MAN: DIRECTIONS: For External Use Only...no inside jobs! Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap... DISASSEMBLER: An unattended five year old child. Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions. Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal. Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Discoveries are made by not following instructions. Disease can be cured, fate is incurable. Disease is the retribution of an outraged nature. Disk Crash:Abort,Retry,Kill innocent bystandards Disk Error - Press ANY Boot To ReLace Disk Error on C: - (A)bort, (R)etry, (D)estruct Diskette Organizer?... What's that? Disks travel in packs. Disney girls and fantasy world... Disney land: A people trap operated by a mouse. DisneyLand: A people trap operated by a mouse. DISREGARD LAST MESSAGE DIVORCE = system("echo y | erase \wife\*.*" ); DIVORCE =system("echo y| erase \wife\*.*" ); Divorce is not an effective deterrent to marriage. DIVORCE=system("echo y | erase \husband\*.*" ); Do *you* know what Otto Titzling invented? Do agnostics engage in idol speculation? Do artificial plants need artificial water? Do camels make good pets? Do files get embarassed being unZIPped ? Do fish get thirsty? Do HD's sneeze when they catch a virus? Do I even WANT ancestors? Some found I wish I could lose. Do I hit [Enter] now? Do I know how to copy disks? Where's the Xerox machine Do I pee when the sign says "WET FLOOR"? Do it tomorrow. You've made enough mistakes for one day. Do it with style Do Me Wrong or Do Me Right ... Just Do Me! Do molecular biologists wear designer genes? DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality. Do not attack his elite troops - Sun Tsu Do Not Attempt to Traverse a Chasm in Two Leaps. Do not believe in miracles ÄÄ rely on them. Do not believe in miracles, rely on them. Do not disturb. Already disturbed. Do not disturb. Already disturbed! Do not disturb. Already disturbed. Do not fumble with a woman's logic. Do not install prior to installation. Do not look in laser with remaining eye. Do NOT look into laser with remaining eyeball! Do not pay any attention to this. Do not put statements in the negative form. Do not read beyond this line. Do not remove under penalty of law. Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight. DO NOT soak me up with honey please! Do not try to traverse a chasm in two leaps. Do physicists get hadrons? Do Quarter Horses have only one leg???? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Do random acts of kindness and beauty. Do steam rollers really roll steam? Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. Do vampires get AIDS? Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Do wah ditty ditty dum ditty do Do well and you will have no need for ancestors. Do well, you hear it never. Do ill, hear it forever. Do Wizards use spell checkers ? Do you C my point? Do you daydream about your inability to fantasize? Do you know what it's like alone, really alone? Do you know where your back-up is?....... Do you know who used your SSAN to check on you today? Do you like me for may Brains or my Baud? Do you like me for my brain, or my BAUD? Do you love me for my brain or my baud? Do you think binary? 0 or 1? Do you use MCI? So do I. List me as a friend... Do you want graphics? NO, and quit asking me! do {nothing} while (HearFromMe==0) Doc files-We dont need no stinkin'.doc files Doc King. USN. Semper Fi! Docs....I don't need no stinkin' docs! Docs? Docs!? I don't need no stinking docs! Docs? What docs? I don't remember seeing any docs! Docs? Why would I want to look at the Docs. Nurses are be DOCS??? You mean I *actually* have to RTFM? S#1T! Doctor Who for president Doctor who? It's the Doctor! Doctor, my brain hurts! Doctrine is the skin of truth set up and stuffed. Documentation = admission of Failure? Documentation is for people who can't read. Dodging questions is a favorite tatic of hypocrites. Does "Bad FAT" mean disk has high cholesterol? Does "MicroSoft" translate to "small and squishy"? Does any of this make any sense? Does anybody still remember Venture Capital? Does electrons flow? or walk? Does FAKE fur come from stuffed animal toys? Does fuzzy logic tickle? Does it really matter if he said he is Batman Does it really matter which cola I drink? Does killing time damage eternity? Does killing time harm eternity? Does LIFO-suction work on a FAT table? dOES PC sTAND FOR pERSONALLY cRAZY -- I'M NOT... Does Pi make sense to you? Does Quasimoto ring a bell? Does that help at all? Does the Enterprise have Fahrvergnugen? Does the Enterprise use DOS v 2356.0? Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell? Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Does Windows 3 ever need to be cleaned ? Doesn't Ted Koppel look like Alfred E. Neuman? Dog food is best served from a height of 3 feet. Dogmatism: Puppyism come to its full growth. Dogs crawl under gates, software under Windows. Doing it the hard way is always easier. Doing Windows in C is a pane in the glass. Dollars cannot buy yesterday. Don't "push." "Re-engineer" it instead. :-) Don't answer the phone, even if it's me calling! Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss Don't ask me, I just work here. Don't ask me, I only work here. Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go! Don't ask me--I'm making this up as I go! Don't ask why, just do it. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. Don't be a fool; Vulcanize your tool. Don't be a snob. Never lie when truth is more profitable. Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. Don't believe everything you say. Don't believe in miracles, expect them. Don't blame me! I just test the thing! Don't blame me... I didn't do it! Don't blame me..it's San Andreas fault. Don't bother striking any key. Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs. Don't byte off more than you can multiplex. Don't care, don't have to, we're the Phone Co.! Don't cloud the issue with logic. Don't confuse me with facts, my mind is made up! Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers! Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers. Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT! Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean! Don't drink and drive - Smoke dope and fly home. Don't drink and park, accidents cause people Don't drink water. Fish make love in it. Don't erase it! I MIGHT need it -- someday! Don't even TRY to THINK without proper tools. Don't ever watch hot dogs or sausage being made. Don't force it, use a bigger hammer Don't force it, use a bigger hammer. Don't get hooked on drugs, get hooked on fishing. Don't get MAD! Get even! (with a SIDEWINDER) Don't Get Mad, Get Even! Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out. Don't go away mad.... Just GO AWAY!! Don't happy, be worry! Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon. Don't hide your contempt of the contemptible! Don't judge a book by its movie Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!! Don't just sit there. Do something. Don't just stand there, scratch my back! Don't just stand there...KNEEL!! Don't knock President Fillmore; he kept us out of VietNam Don't laugh...we know your node number! Don't let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. Don't let me get too deep. Don't let school interfere with your education. Don't let the Perfect be the enemy of the GOOD. Don't let the sun catch you crying. Don't let your karma run over your dogma. Don't look at me in that tone of voice! Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. don't look back, you can never look back... Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you. Don't look Ethyl... It was too late. Don't make 'em like they used to, thank God Don't make me vomit! Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. Don't mess with Murphy. Don't mess with those who buy ink by the barrel! Don't mind me, I'm just passing through. Don't mind me; I'm the designated drunk. Don't need future shock--present shock is enuff. Don't not format C:? (Y/N) Don't open the darkroom door; it lets all the dark out. Don't play "stupid" with me...I'm better at it! Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it. Don't press the keys so damned hard! Don't question authority, it doesn't know either. Don't question authority; it doesn't know either. Don't read everything you believe. DON'T read the manual! Just WING that sucker! DON'T READ THIS!!! Don't recall us...we'll recall you.... Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour. Don't share your telephone line with a woman! Don't shoot! I'm only the Casio player! Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace. Don't start vast projects with half vast ideas! Don't start with me. You know how I get. Don't steal - the government hates competition.. Don't steal, the government doesn't like the competition Don't steal. The Government hates competition. Don't steal.....Politicians hate competition. Don't steal; the government hates the competition. Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely Don't Support Shareware, just their Authors! Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros. Don't Sweat The Petty Things, Pet The Sweaty Things Don't take life seriously - won't get out alive! Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent. Don't take life seriously...it isn't permanent. Don't take life seriously; You won't get out alive anywa Don't take life too seriously ... it's not permanent. Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. Don't tell me about no damn problems.....fix it yourself Don't tell me what kind of day to have. Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure... DON'T throw away your 2› words. I collect them! Don't touch that keyboard. We'll be right back. Don't Touch That Phone...I'm On The Mode+^%$#(*@ Don't touch that power ba... Don't trust a presidential candidate over 35 Don't trust an anti-abortion activist with a Pe*** Don't trust an Info-Babe... Don't try to confuse me with the facts! Don't try to saw sawdust. Don't tug on Superman's cape. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Don't use commas, which, aren't necessary. Don't use no double negatives. Don't use time or words carelessly. Don't waste water. Pee on a friend. Don't worry the next message will be better! Don't worry, be happ...aw, who gives a damn? Don't worry, be happ...aw, who gives a darn. Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, I'm fluent in wierdo. Don't worry, I'm go‹ng t“ bƒckup t•d Don't worry, I'm go‹ng t“ bƒckup t•d†æ!&%#~% Don't worry, I'm go‹ng t“ bƒckup t•d†æ! Don't worry, send money! Don't worry: The answer's at the back of the book. Don't you just hate it when they verbify nouns? Don't you just LOVE these little machines?? Donald Westbrook MIA 3-13-68 / You are not forgotten. Dope Ring: A Bunch of Blondes in a Circle. DOS 6.0 Yesterday's operating system, today! Dos Error #012 - Human error, Human error... DOS Error - Can't drive to that write. DOS ERROR: Please remove cat from drive A: DOS gets in your eyes! DOS is just an Icon in Windows 3.1. DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.0 DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename".... DOS to DOS, disk to disk, file to file. DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote. DOS: Tells a computer what to do with itself! Dos: Venerable. Windows: Vulnerable. OS/2: Viable. DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... Double your drive space! Delete Windows! Double your hard disk space: DELETE WINDOWS! Doubt is the root of education, not faith. Down to the C in chips. Down with categorical imperative! DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! Down with ignurance! Dr. Crusher can cure cancer, but not baldness Dragonriders make good first impressions. Drama in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater. Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. Dramatize: What well dressed RAM chips wear. Draw your salary before spending it. Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing dreaded words: hard disk failure DREAM: If it's worth doing, it's worth doing DREAM: Just testing my brain!! zzzzzzzzzz Dreams are true while they last. Drilling for oil is boring. Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned. Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why... Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where... Drinking and *.* don't mix... Drive A: format failed, formatting C: instead. Drive A: format failed; formatting C: instead Drive A: not responding.. .Formating C: instead Drive A: not responding...Formatting C: instead Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream Drive Offensively! Drive right, so more people will be left!!! Drive slower than your guardian angel can fly. Drop 'cid not bombs. Drop me a line...anytime! Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit. Ducks fly north when the weather is left. Duct tape is like The Force-it holds the universe togethe Dudley Moore is a phallic thimble. Duh! Which way did he go, George? Dulce bellum inexpertis. Dumb luck beats sound planning every time Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me. Dumb questions are better than smart mistakes! Durians - The King of Fruits Durians, real fruits for real people. dy(3x^4 + 2x-5)/dx = 12x^3 + 2 Dyslexia rules KO. Dyslexia: it can warn without striking! Dyslexics are persona au gratin. Dyslexics have more fnu Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! Dyslexics of the world: Untie! Dyslexics untie! E = mcý ñ 2 dB Each day a day goes by. Each kiss is as the first. Eagles fly, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! Eagles may fly, but weasels aren't sucked into jets! Eagles Soar!, but weasels aren't sucked into jets! Early one June morning in 1872 I murdered my father -- Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious. EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can Earth is 98% full... Please delete anyone you can. Earth: Its only ours to borrow! EARTH: (Original Guide entry) Mostly hamless. Earth: A solid substance, much desired by the seasick. Earthmen fear to bargain honestly. Earthquakes are Earth's way of saying, WAKE UP !!!!!!!!!! Easter is canceled this year - they've found the body. Easter is cancelled this year. They've found the body. Easy as 3.14159265358979323846... Easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841791693993. Easy as pie, no fuss, no muss, no crust.... Easy Does It. But Do It Eat Crap! 10 Trillion flies can't be wrong. Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ... Eat it, dear ... pretend it's mud. Eat more Possum! Eat My Shorts Eat Some Fire, Scarecrow! Eat the rich - the poor are tough and stringy. Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy Eat yogurt and get cultured Eating yogurt will give you culture. Ecce homo, ergo elk. Echo: Only thing that cheats some out of the last word. Editing is a rewording activity. EDLIN......the Dan Quayle of editors! Education which is not modern, faces the organic fate. Effective Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target. Efficency == (Speed * Size * $) Cubed Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it? Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. Ego Gratification through Violence Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. Either lead, follow, or get out of the way. Either my watch has stopped or I'm in deep trouble. Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. ejected Pitbull meals #3: Cooper fans El amor es un camino que de repente aparece Electrical Engineers do it with faster rise time Electrician -- Person who wires for money Electricians are live wires! Electronic Techs do it till it Hz Elephant - Mouse built to Government Specifications. Elephant: A Mouse built to Goverment specifications. Elephant: Mouse built to Government specs! Elephant: salamander designed to Mil-Spec Elevator men do it on all floors Elevators smell different to midgets ELVIS HAD MY U.F.O. BABY! Elvis has LEFT the building! Elvis is ALIVE in the Hearts of Millions!! Elvis lives! (they buried him alive). Elvis Presley - the hound of music Elvis stamp = 29›, Donut = 29›. Coincidence? I think not. Emily, I dreamed I ran an inn in Vermont... emit elttil os ,segassem ynam oS Emotion vs logic? Emotion always wins. Emotions are alien to me.I'm a scientist. EMS: Enhanced Money Scam En boca cerrada no entran moscas. Endocannibalism: The result of a really hungry cannibal. Enema - not your Aunt from Kansas. Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery. Energizer Bunny arrested...... assault and battery ENGINE: We're not clickin' on all cylinders here! Engineers: often wrong, seldom in doubt Engraving is, in brief terms, the art of scratch. enilgaT oediV esreveR Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again. Enjoy yourself today.Tomorrow may never come at all. ENOTOBACCO: Read on empty pipe. Enough research will tend to support your theory. ENOUGH! Grab that ammo can, we're climbing up the tower. Enquiring minds couldn't care less! Ensign Pillsbury.. He's bread, Jim! Ensign, Engage! Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. Enter any 12-digit prime number to continue. Enter that again, just a little slower. Entertain: To elevate from boredom to disgust. Envy is thin because it bites but never eats. Epe‚, Foil, or Sabre? Epitaph on a gravestone: Cheerio, see you soon. Epoch: the sound made by a hen Eress‰a: It can't be *that* bad! Eric Estrata for President!!! ERROR # 76 - Check nut on keyboard ERROR #00: CPU TOO *TIRED* TO CONTINUE Error #1511: Brain Offline ERROR #208: Operator out of memory! Error - Operator out of memory! Error - [A]bort, [R]etry, [F]ake like it's working... ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive. ERROR 1701 - Your hard drive croaked!! Error : (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it Error failed! Press any key to resume error. Error finding COLDBEER.CAN Self Destruct Initiated! Error finding REALITY.SYS - Universe halted. ERROR LPT1 not found.. use backup - PENCIL & PAPER Error opening COLDBEER.CAN Glass not ready. Error propagates faster than truth. Error reading FAT Table...Try Skinny one ? (Y/N) Error reading FAT table...Try Skinny one? (Y/N) Error Reading Reality.Sys ... Universe Halted ERROR: CPU not found Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. ERROR: REALITY.SYS Corrupted -- Universe unrecoverable Es Ist Ein Deutsches Auto? Nein, Acura. Ah, Acura! Eschew and avoid redundant obfuscation. Eschew Obfuscation . . . Eschew obfuscation. Escort GT - An oxymoron Espresso: ultra-efficient caffeine delivery system ETAOIN SHRDLU CMFGYP WBVKXJ QZ 1234567890 Eternity only goes in two directions.... Ethernet: A device for catching the Ether Bunny. Ethics is not necessarily the handmaiden of theology. Ettore's law: the other line always moves faster Evangelists do more than lay people Evangelists do more than lay people. Even a noseless dog can stink. Even a philosopher gets upset with a toothache. Even a small star shines brightly in the dark Even backwards, A TOYOTA is still A TOYOTA. Even my mouse has big balls Even Programers need a "bit" of love Even small candles are brighter in the dark. Even small mouths can gather BIG feet! Even the blind can see money. Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark. Even the lion has to protect himself against flies. Even this shall pass away... Ever eat your words? Some parts are edible. Ever fly one of these before? Nope. Me neither! Ever get the feeling someone is watching you? Ever lob a live grenade into a basket of kittens? Ever notice that Legos aren't biodegradable ? Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Ever wonder what oop Fortrash would look like? Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo? Everready Bunny arrested, charged with battery. Everthing looks worse in black and white. Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Every child should be given the desire to learn. Every crowd has a silver lining. Every day is starting to look like Monday ... Every DESQ with a view! Every hard-boiled egg is yellow inside. Every horse thinks his pack is heaviest Every living thing wants to survive. Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours..... Every person constructs their own bed of nails. Every person gets to heaven in their own way. Every person is the architect of their own fortune. Every politician has a price, some hold bargain sales. Every purchase has its price. Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud. Every sperm is Sacred! Every thread needs a needle Every valuable idea offends someone. Every why hath a wherefore. Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Everybody's got to be someplace. Everyone as they loveth, some people kiss cows. Everyone has a scheme that won't work. Everyone hates a smart-ass. Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. Everyone is a genius at least once a year. Everyone is entitled to my opinion, just ask me... Everyone IS entitled to my opinion. Everyone is entitled to my opinion... FREE! Everyone is entitled to my own opinion Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. Everyone is of some use, if only to set a bad example!ÿ Everyone makes mistakes, if not we'd be single! Everyone meets their Waterloo at last. Everyone Out for Volleyball in 10 Minutes! Everyone's watching YOU now... Everything bows to success, even grammar. Everything changes except change itself. EVERYTHING I've ever said is a lie. Figure that out! Everything in excess! Moderation is for monks. Everything in our favour was aginst us. Everything is just a thing Everything is just chemistry! Everything is relative, including this Everything starts as somebody's daydream. Everything usually goes wrong at once! Everything You Know Is Wrong Everywhere is an LD call from here. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. Everywhere is walking distance if you have time. Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID! Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth Evil is a hill. We stand on ours, speak about others. Evolution: Life's a niche, and then you die Exactly what is Special sauce on Big Mac's? Excellent day to have a rotten day. Excellent time to become a missing person. Excess is never enough. EXCESS is the key to enjoying life! Excuse me for butting in, I'm interrupt-driven. Excuse me if I sound bitter....I taste that way too Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue. Excuse me, do you know the way to Kansas City? Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower. Excuse me, is that your face or did your neck throw up? EXECdb, Maximum Overkill in EXEC-PC File List Management Existence cannot be without them. Exit, pursued by a bear. EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle. Experience is finding mistakes you make again Experience is what you get after you need it. Experience, the name given by men to their mistakes. Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes. Exploding Piglet Falls Out Stupid Window...GIF 11 Exploding piglets!!! My god, it's raining bacon! Explosive when wet Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing. Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice! Exxon Valdez, Haven, ¨cual ser el pr¢ximo? Eye of gnat, tail of cat, where's that dam bug at? F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM! f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng. F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers F1[Panic] F2[Passout] F3[Smash keyboard] F4[Cry] Faber: Knowledge is good! Fac meam diem. -- Clintus Estvoodicus Fact - red lights always last longer than green ones. Fact is solidified opinion Fact. Stranger than any science fiction. Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. FACT: There are more horse's asses than there are horses Fact: There are n+1 zucchinis in the universe. Facts are stubborn things. Fad: In one era and out the other. Failure is never FATAL and SUCCESS is never FINAL. Faint hearts never win in love nor sell life insurance. Fakir - Mann som kan beg† selvmord og overleve Falling asleep at the keyboard is called a head crash. False appearance of fine speech Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment. Familiarity breeds attempt Familiarity breeds children. Familiarity breeds contempt- and children. Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it. Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh. Famous last words - Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up. Famous last words - Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp.. Famous last words - You and what army? Famous last words: "Don't worry, I can handle it". Famous last words: "What's this button do?" Fancy dirt is still dirt. Farfignewton Farfignewton.. the cookie of the stars.. Farfignewton...the cookie of the stars. Farfignewton: n., from German, "ergonomic cookie" Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected þ Spock Fascinating, a totally parochial attitude. Fashions are induced epidemics... Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money! Faster than a speeding Spermatozoon!! Fat heads, lean brains. Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You. Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator. Fatal Error: HOMEY DON'T PLAY DAT! Fatal Error: You're dead. Fatal Logic Error - Engage Brain and (R)etry Fatal System Error - please insert a quarter to fix it Fate is just the weight of circumstances... FATHERS ARE IMPORTANT PARENTS, TOO! Fats Domino - the round of music Fax me no questions, and I'll Fax you no lies! Fax me no questions, I'll Fax you no lies! Fear is the darkroom where negatives develop. Fear is the parent of cruelty. Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt. Fear not, for I have given you authority Feather by feather the goose is plucked. Features should be discovered, not documented Features should be discovered, not documented. Feed your faith and starve your doubts to death. Feed Your Need To Read. Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it! Feel lucky???? Update your software! Feet smell? Nose runs? Hey! You're upside-down! Felines... nothing more than felines... Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. Few great men could get past the Personnel Department. Few of us can stand prosperity -- someone else's. fflush and then wwash your hands. Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography. Fiddle: Friction of a horse's tail on a cat's entrails. FidoNet... That sure is a wierd name for a dog Fight AIDS, not people with AIDS. Fight the Greenhouse Effect: PLANT TREES!!! Fight War Not Wars! Fighting for peace is like f***ing for virginity Fighting for peace is like screaming for quiet. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Figures won't lie, but liars will figure. File not found. Delete *.* and change directory? (Y/N)_ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N). File Not Found.....Loading something that looks similar. File not found: Loading something that looked similar. FILES=1 BUFFERS=0 FCBS=SAYWHAT BREAK=GIMME Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition FIRE FIRE FIRE... No, that's not right... RAPE RAPE RAPE FIRE!! BANG!! OOUUUCH!!!!! Whoops! Is anyone down range. Firmness in politics is called obstinacy in a donkey. First Cyberspace, next the world. First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin! First study the enemy.Seek weakness. First the mind goes, then..........can't remember... First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. First, we'll kill all the programmers Fish and visitors stink in three days. Fishing is a delusion surrounded by liars in old clothes. Fishing rod: a hook at one end, a fool at the other. Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue. Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs Flashlight........a place to keep dead batteries! Flattery is counterfeit money, circulated by vanity. Flattery is the sincerest form of lying. Flattery will get you everywhere! Keep talkin'. Flattery: Cologne water, to smell but not swallow. Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself. Floggings will continue til morale improves Floggings will continue until morale improves Floppy disk - A disk that flops Floppy Disk = Lower back trouble. FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine. Floppy Drive not ready. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N). Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N ? Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N ? _ Floppy not responding. Can you kiss it and make it well? Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N) FLOPPY: Condition of a user's stomach due to no exercise. FLOW CHART: Graphic picture of the fastest way to the can Flying saucers are real; the Air Force doesn't exist. Foat Wuth...I Luv Yew!!! Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do follow the yellow brick PATH Fonts and Typefaces: The more the merrier! Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Foolproof? Naw, fools are too ingenius! Fools rush in -- and get the best seats. Fools rush in where Fools have been before! Fools rush in where fools have been before. Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold For a good time call ³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³ For a photographer, life us just a bed of poses For address, send a SASE to..... For adult education, nothing beats children For all you do, this SCUD's for you. For every action, there is an equal and opposite critism. For every soul, you are bound to find a heel. For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used. For Sale: Dehydrated HýO - $14 per quart For Sale: dining table with two legs and six toes. FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once. For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within. For some Reason, reality is an illusion. For some, reality is an illusion. For the finest in brain candy. For tomorrow I diet . . . For What It's Worth. Ford - fixed or repaired daily. :-) Ford - Found on roadside dead. :-) FORD = Fix Often, Repair Daily FORD = Found On Road Dead Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it. FORD: Fixed Or Repaired Daily. [grin] FORFEIT: What most animals stand on. Forget about the dog, Beware of my wife. Forget everything, as one day everything will forget you. Forget GUIs! Give me a C:\> and a keyboard. Forget patience! I'm gonna kill something... Forget RTFM - Call The Author At Home! Forget RTFM - Call The Author At Home! (@ 23:45) Forget the computer! Where's my abacus?? Forget the Joneses... I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS! Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the BUNDYS! Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS! Forget. Forgive me father for I have syned FORMAT C: Failed, Transfering Virus to d: ^C^C^C^C Format C:......OOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPSSSS! Format COMMANDR.DTA? (y/n?) Format Drive C:? (Y)es (O)kay (F)ine by me: Formatting Drive C: Press to abort... Fort Worth...Where the West Begins! Fortes fortuna adjuvat FORTH CREATE program that DOES> what is needed . ; Fortune vomits on my eiderdown yet again. Four and six a pound and him with a wooden leg? Four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant & Microwavable. Four minus two is one and the same. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn : C. Gable Free advice is worth what you pay for it Free cheese is found only in a mousetrap. Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last! freedom ... is a worship word... Freedom is a hard-bought thing - A gift no man can give. Freedom is Expensive, but worth it! Freedom is just chaos with better lighting. Freedom is something we take for granted. Freedom isn't cheap and it never goes on sale. Freedom of movement and choice produced the human spirit Friction can be a drag sometimes. Friction is a drag. Friday the 13th XXIV: Jason Takes the Enterprise Friend: Anyone who has the same enemies you have. Friendly Cookie Company (1:107/422) Friendly fire - ISN'T ! Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate! Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate Friends come and go, enemies accumulate Friends come and go, enemies accumulate. Friends come and go, enemies agglomerate Friends don't let friends drink and post. Friends don't let friends drive Fords Friends don't let friends drive foreign cars! Friends don't let friends drive Japanese cars. Friends don't let friends eat meat. Friends don't let friends pay retail. Friends don't let friends use Apples. Friends don't let friends use Prodigy Friends warm the world with Happiness Friends will come and go, but enemies always accumulate. Friends, Romans, Countrymen: lend me your noses Friendship is one soul in two bodies. Friendships are not always preserved in alcohol. Frogs are smart ... they EAT what bugs them. Frogs have it easy - They eat what bugs them. From Disk and all of the little Diskettes From Illinois at: 9:21 pm on 9/14/92. From Illinois at: 12:45 pm on 9/05/92. From KquestII "If I ever get that ^$%&#% Jester!!" From listening comes wisdom, from speaking, repentance. From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own. From The Church Of Logic, Sin And Love... From the Department of Redundancy Dept. From the Desk of the Happy Hacker... From the land of graft and corruption! Frosted Frosty Krusty Flakes: Only sugar has more sugar! ftar, awk, awk, yac, grep, go BERKELEY! FUBB -- Fouled Up Beyond Belief FUNDAMENTALISM is never having to open your mind. Funny how life imitates LSD... Funny, only sensible people agree with me. Further, higher, faster, onward, upward... F„hrvergngen: German for no leg room G=Guns, PG=Plenty of Guns, PG-13=More than 12 guns... Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. Game Blaster is NOT Adlib compatible. Gammaware (206) 830-0314 Garrett Whitney Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks. Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art. Gary Trudeau for President! Gee toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore... Gene Police! You! Out of the Pool! Gene Police...... YOU!! Out of the pool! NOW!! Gene Police: YOU! Out of the pool. Genealogy. Tracing descent from someone who didn't. Genealogy: tracing us back to the same brother and sister General Failure reading John Dvorak Generic security advice: "Always say no". GEnie Address G.EHRICH Genius doesn't work on an assembly line basis. Genius has its limits, but not stupidity Genius is the power of lighting one's own fire. Genius, like magic, is inexplicable. Genius: Guy with too many books to be a moron Genius: One who can do anything except earn a living. Gentlemen: Start your debuggers... Geologist -- Fault finder George Bush - the EDLIN of Presidents ! George Bush's '92 slogan: "I promise, no new leadership" George Bush: 'A New World Odor!' George Bush: the EDLIN of Presidents. George Orwell was an optimist. Georgia is NOT on my mind. Georgia REALLY sucks. Geraldo: Genetic experiment gone bad? Next on Oprah! German for constipation ... Farfrompoopin! German word for constipation : Farfrompoopin. German Word for Constipation: Farfrompooping! GET A HAIRCUT! Get a powerful right arm: subscribe to Playboy. Get a USR It leaves the others behind. Get back to your stations! Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up. Get me out of here, I hate it here, get me out of here Get some hair. Your brain has caught cold. Get stoned: Drink liquid cement. Get the facts first - you can distort them later! Get the straight poop -- subscribe to the STARgazer. Get thee down. Be thou funky. Get your dam finger out of your nose. Use a tissue! Get your kicks... Getting a second chance is never a certainty. Getting better - not older! Getting caught is the mother of invention. Getting á all the time .... GIGO = Garbage in, gospel out Gimme a fried brain on drugs, bacon, toast, and jam... Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly. Girlfriend? Ya, a 25 Mhz 486 with 256k cache! Girlfriend? Yep, a 25 Mhz 486 with 256k cache! Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler. Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it. Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler. Give me liberty or give me Megadeth Give me patience . RIGHT NOW. Give me patience! RIGHT NOW! Give me water, and I'll burn it up Give sadists a fair crack at the whip. Give them all they want, and all they will want is more. Give up, you'll only live til you die. Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. Giving me shots for a thousand rare infections Gnaw the bone which has fallen to thy lot. GNET þ The Mystic Realms þ Vineland, NJ þ 609-691-3105 GNet: Open foot, Insert mouth, Echo international Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you! Go ahead, jump. 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong. Go Ahead.. We're cleared for wierd. Go bite the wall. Go for Baroque. Or at least get a Handel on it. Go For It! Go FORTH and C PASCAL play COBOL with an APL. Go Lemmings, Go!!! Go mba h‚ dhuit. Go on, just hit me! ...Name:Esc, #:27, Rank:UL.. Go softly....it's dark out there God created women 'cause sheep can't cook God created women because sheep can't cook! God creates more horses asses than horses God dislikes money -- look who he gives it to. God does not play dice. God gave burdens shoulders also. God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. God heals & the doctor takes the fee-Poor Richard God heals and the doctor takes the fee. God heals, and the doctors take the fee God heals, but always someone else wants a fee. God I hate floppies. God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW! God invented women because sheep can't cook. God is alive - he just doesn't want to get involved. God is love... Love is blind... Ray Charles is God! God is real, unless declared integer God loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass. God made the first garden, Cain the first city. God made whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world? God made whisky to keep the Irish from ruling the world! God owes an apology to Sodom & Gomorrah God? I'm no god. God has mercy. GODISNOWHERE Godzilla's licence plate: I8NY Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes. Going the speed of light is bad for your age. going where no clusters have gone before. Gold medalist, freestyle conclusion-jumping event. Golden Rule: she who has the gold makes the rules. Golfer: A person who hits and tells. GolleeeEE, Sergeant Carter!! Gone Chopin, will be Bach in a Minuet. Gonna change my evil ways... One of these days... Good day to let down old friends who need help. Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!! Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success. Good morning! Is an opinion, not a greeting. Good printers do it without wrinkling the sheets. Good taste is the flower of good sense. Goodness has NOTHING to do with it..... Gort, klaatu borata nikto Gort: Klaatu Borada Nikto..... and don't forget it Gosh, I didn't know TEFLON could melt !! GOSUB:coffee;work;RETURN: Got ASIC PAL? Send a basic gw card. Got Kleptomania? Take something for it! Gotta have my Corn Pops... Gotta love me! Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer. Government for one, to hell with majority! Graduate, Whatsamatta U. School of Management Grammarians never die-they fall into a comma. Grandma got run over by a reindeer... Grant me the strength to ignore ignorance Grape nuts? What do they do with the rest of the grape? Grass is nature's way of saying "High!" Graveyards are full of the indispensable. Gravidity - what keeps you from floating off the planet. Gravity brings me down Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sux. Gravity doesn't exist: the earth sucks. Gravity is a law. Lawbreakers will be brought down! Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks. Gravity... Not just a good idea... IT'S THE LAW! Gravity: it's not just a good idea, it's the law! Great minds discuss ideas; Small ones, people Great minds travel in the same sewers. Greed is envy with its sleeves rolled up. Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works! Greed is good, greed works. Greed is the Walton's having another child Greenhouse, schmeenhouse -- I'm FREEZING! Greetings from beautiful downtown Workmans Corners Greetings from Hell....wish you were here. GREETINGS from ORLANDO, FLORIDA !!!!!!! Grinin' Like A Mule Eatin' Briars Gross National Product: A Big Mac. Ground Water. Do you mean crushed ice? Grow your own dope - Plant a male! Grow your own dope... plant a man Grow your OWN dope.......plant a MAN! Grow your own dope: Plant a politician! Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Growing old is manditory; growing up is optional Growing older is mandatory... growing up is optional! Grub first, then ethics. GUI: Grab the User In-the-face GUI? FUI! DOS prompt forever! Guinan's secret power: Her hat is a solar panel Guitar lessons? What else do you do? I fret a lot. Gun control is being able to hit your target! Gun control is hitting what you aim at. Gun Control isn't about guns. It's about control Gun Control means holding it in both hands. Gun Control-- Being able to hit the Target! Gun control: Keep the muzzle pointed at the target. Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target. Guns don't kill people.. I do. Guns don't kill people... death does. Guns don't kill people..., I KILL PEOPLE! Guns don't kill people; it's these little hard things! Guns don't kill. Fast-moving projectiles do. Guru to Deli man: Make me one with everything. GURU: One who knows more jargon than you. H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! H y! Wh r did my " " k y go? H*LL WITH THE EVIDENCE ...it's politically correct... h=6.626196 E-34 joule sec--it's the law. Hackito ergo sum. Hail to the Redskins! Hailing frequencies open, Captain. HAL 9000, you're pretty drunk aren't you Dave? Halitosis is better than no breath at all. Hams do it with frequency, till their gigahertz. Hams do it with more frequencies Hands up! Said the laser printer. Hangover: the mourning after the night before Happiness can't buy money! Happiness is a twit filter... Happiness is a warm gun. Happiness is a warm puppy - for a Vietnamese Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror. Happiness is Mandatory...Are you Happy? Happiness is no laughing matter. Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip. Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law on a milk carton. Happiness is usually measured in GigaBytes. Happiness is wanting what you have. Happiness is your favorite program moving to Windows Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!! Happiness seems so hard to win. Happiness will not buy money. Happy couple: A deaf husband and a blind wife. Happy Fun Ball! (still legal in 16 states) Happyness is Killing Orcs Harbor:place, safe from storms, ships face Customs Hard DISK? Gee lady, I misunderstood you. Hard drive = Mother-in-law in back seat. Hard Drive backup??? Who me....... HARD ERROR: Noisy Bug Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Hard work must have killed someone! Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it? Hard Work never killed anyone, so why chance it? HARDWARE: n. The part you kick. Hardware: The part you kick. Hardware: The part you kick. Software: this you corrupt! Hare Forsberg, Hare Forsberg, Proyam proyam, Hare Hare Krishna Hare 4DOS Harley riders never die... They move to Sturgis! Has anyone found my marbles? hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? Has history ever recorded a time when the maj. was right? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD! Hasta la vista, ...baby! Hasten to laugh at everything lest you be obliged to weep Hau gerta ez dadin, oihan-guteak geldi tatzu! Have a good day today and a better day tommorow Have a nice day JEFFERY Have a nice day, and a better tomorrow! Have a nice day. Have a vary nice DAY and a better Night !!!!!!!!!! Have an adequate day. Have an Electrician Check Your Shorts Have cursor, will curse. Have I sold out yet? Have no fear - I never attack lesser beings. Have Tardis, will travel. Have time to waste? Get Microsoft Windows 3.0! Have you clubbed an ignorant human today? Have you counted your Legos lately? Have you crashed your Windows today? Have you drug tested YOUR legislators today? Have you ever danced with the devil? Have you ever wanted to go home and kick the kids??? Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Have you hugged a porcupine today? Have you hugged a programmer today? Have you hugged an electric fence today? Have you hugged your computer lately? Have you hugged your logic probe today? Have you hugged your motherboard today? Have you hugged yourself lately? Have you IN FACT got any cheese here at all? Have you pushed a Ford lately? Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back! Have you tried YRWAY? Latest version is YRWAY1.ZIP Have you uploaded clip art today? Having a SIDEWINDER mean never having to say I'M SORRY! Having a SIDEWINDER means never having to say I'M SORRY! Having a wonderful time. Wish you were her Having problems with DOS?? Call 1-900-WHAAAAA Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate. Hawaii is as American as apple poi. He ain't heavy; he's a Shareware Author. He bellows like a cow standing on her tit. He cheats, but he's honest about it. He didn't really say THAT! Did he???? He does the work of 3 men. Moe, Larry & Curly He does the work of 3 men... Larry, Moe, & Curly. He does the work of 3 Men...Moe, Larry & Curly HE doesn't work, but he's pretty ugly. He got a piece of my mind, a tiny as it is.... He has a train of thought. You have a tricycle... He has too many lice to feel an itch. He has Van Gogh's ear for music. He is a self-made man, and worships his creator. He is a sheep in sheep's clothing. He is no dummy. He is my programmer! He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. He is not only dull within, but causes dullness without. He is the most sensible looking man talking nonsense. He isnt dead; He's electroencephalographically challenged He nust have made a macro of my signature He ran for the curb, but I bagged him before he made it. He said "ENQ?". "NAK!", she replied. He says a thousand pleasant things, but never "Adieu." He talks of peace if it is the only way to live. He wants a shoe horn, the kind with teeth He Was A Low Down, Cheap Little Punk! (YEAH PUNK!) He was so ugly, the tide wouldn't go out with him He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. He who dies with the most access, wins. He who dies with the most software WINS! He who dies with the most toys is nevertheless DEAD! He who dies with the most toys is still DEAD! He who dies with the most toys, dies. He who dies with the most toys--is dead. He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD! He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. He who hesitates is constipated. He who hesitates is last. He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear. He who hesitates.........miss'es out !!! He who laughs last doesn't get the joke. He who laughs last is probably your boss! He who laughs last is S-L-O-W. He who laughs last probably made a backup. He who laughs last usually has more ammo. He who Laughs, Lasts. He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands. He who lives by the sword laughs last. He Who Made kittens - Put Snakes In The Grass !! He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end! He who shouts the loudest has the floor. He who slings mud loses ground. He who talks too much commits a sin. He who throws mud loses ground He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck. He's a few fries short of a "Happy Meal". He's a SOB -- but at least he's *our* SOB. He's dead Jim! He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet. He's dead Jim. Spock got his tricorder; I got his spleen. He's dead Jim... Grab his wallet! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim... You take his phaser, I get his wallet. He's dim, Jed He's got a magnet! Everbody BACKUP! He's got a magnet!!! Backup! Backup! Backup! He's mostly dead jim, get Miracle Max He's NOT the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy! He's so far behind he thinks he's first. Heads I win... DITTO tails Heads, up Boise! Incoming spuds! Health is the slowest possible rate to die Hear both sides before judging. heard the joke about the sidewalk? it's all over town! Heather: Get drunk and tip cows. Heaven don't want me, & hell's afraid I'll take over. Heck no I ain't broke, Just badly bent. Heh! I'll get you and your little dog, too! Heisenberg may have been here. Heisenberg might have been here Heisenberg might have been here.... Hell hath no fury like a democrat scorned. Hell hath no fury like lawyer of a woman scorned Hell hath no pizza Hell Hath No Pizza. Hell is kept warm with profane burners HELL WITH JUSTICE, LYNCH THE @#$%^&! Hell, if you understood everything I said, you'd be me! Hell: it's like going to the tropics, but hotter! Hello and welcome to Personality Disorder Theatre. Hello little girl, want some candy? Hello sailor Hello World !! Hello, I am part number **************** Hello, I am part number 271828182845904523536028747135266 Hello, I am part number ³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³ Hello, I am part number ³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³. Hello, I'm Michelangelo. I want your HD NOW!! Hello, Microsoft? Are there any problems with DOS? Hello, Microsoft? HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP! Hello, my serial number isÞººÛ³ºÝºÝ³ Hello, Phone Company? It's about my bill... Hello, sailor! Hello, this is Ed McMahon. If you are our preselected... Hello...Incontinence Hotline.. Can you hold? Help A Derelict Democrat Get A New Job On Nov 12 Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative. Help me if you can I'm feelin' dooown . . . þ Help me! I'm rusting!!! Rusting!!! Help me! I've fallen and I can't beam you up! Help Me! I've Fallen, Spock, And I Can't Beam Up! Help stamp out and abolish redundancy! Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you! Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you. Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy! Help the economy! Buy me something! Help the economy...buy something expensive Help the economy...buy something here !! Help you out? Certainly! Which way did you come in? Help! I'm trapped in an encrypted ZIP! Send ZIPCRACK! Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap. Help! I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe. Help! I've been Slimed! Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years... HELP! I've crashed...AND I CAN'T BOOT UP! Help! I've fallen on the floor and I'm rolling! Help! I've fallen and can't get up. Help! I've fallen down....and I can't reach my beer! Help! I've tripped and I can't come down! HELP! My hard drive crashed & I can't boot up HELP! Protect America's children, soil, and water today. Help! The Smurfs in my HD just went on Strike Help!! I hit the power switch and it didn't die HELP!! PaPa Smurf In My CPU Died... HELP!!!! This computer is taking over my life!!!! Help!, The TD has fallen and it can't get up! Help,,,my (S)ex drive just crashed!!! Help..I Need SomeBODY!!! Hepaticocholecystostcholecystenterostomy Here - have a jelly baby! Here I run, to steal the secret of the sun. Here I sit with a worm on my tongue! "Baited Breath!" Here I sit, in a tizzy; all my favorite boards are busy Here is my fist, please run towards it very fast. Here Strange ain't Strange!!! It Normal!! Here today, dawn tommorow. Here today, dawn tomorrow. Here today, gaunt tomorrow. Here we go again Here's Looking At You, Kid Here, here, well spoken Bruce! Here, there........and everywhere...... Heredity: If your parents had no kids, you won't. Hero-worship: Idol gossip. Hey ... I don't REMEMBER XXX programs in the holodecks .. Hey Expert, ..It works better if you plug it in! Hey Jim, Are we there yet? Hey Pee Wee, Button your fly! Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat! Hey Rocky, watch me pull a tribble out of my hat. Hey Underpants, I'm talking to YOU! Hey Vanilla Ice! Meet Mr. Halite! Hey Wally! Come look at this. Hey you kids, .......get out of that Jello tree! Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone! HEY! Stop reading me!!! Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park! Hey! This is just like the REAL world! Hey! Who put this here!?! Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! Hey! Who uncorked my bottle of lunch? Hey! Your Trakball is upside down! Hey! There's a pubic hair in my Coke!! Hey!! When in Doubt Whip it Out!!!! Hey, Rev. Baker, how the {CENSORED} are you?!? Hey, whats that beeping noise? Wheres that smoke comi Hey, who spilled coffee on my keyboard?! Hey, your buffer's open... Hi! I can't remember your name either. Hi, I'm Chip. Micro Chip. Eight-o-three-eighty-six! Hi, JOE. I have just 232K left! Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, its off to the institution I go! Hi. My name is Rover, I'll paint your car yellow free. HIC! HLLP I'M STUSCT IN BOOOZZZE WAREHUSE HICK: A person who goes to a family reunion to meet girls Hick: Looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. High message: 943432. Message you last read: 59. Higher versions mean more bugs found... Hindsight is always 20:20. Hindsight is an exact science. Hips or lips: Let your conscience be your guide... Hire teenagers while they still know everything. His face was filled with broken commandments. History - the mistakes that we cannot avoid in the future History is a set of lies agreed upon by the Victors History is a set of lies agreed upon. History repeats itself because nobody listens History tends to exaggerate. Hmmm, When is the last time the Tooth Fairy visited you? Hmmm. Impossible puzzle. Get the paradox eliminator! Hmmmm, let's see, where'd I put my memory... HO! Ho! Ha-Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Hobo: A person who builds palaces and lives in shacks. Hollow chocolate has no calories Hollow chocolate has no calories. Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. Hollywood: A trip through a sewer in a glass bottom boat. Holodeck! The next best thing to being there..... Holy Smokes!...."the church is on fire!" Home is where the computer is plugged in. Home Maker. Must be some sort of construction. Home of DoorPch, the QB3 door I/O library Home of the Pig Stye Homework time limit exceeded. Auto logon in effect. Homo sum; humani nihil a me alienum puto. Honest honey, I was at the office! Honest Ma, I got it from a toilet seat... Honest Politician: One who stays bought. Honest the dog ate my .REP packet! Honest! It's only a cold sore! Honesty is the best image. Honesty is the worst policy (is this MR policy?) Honesty is the worst policy. Honesty pays, but not enough for some. Honesty pays, but not enough to satisfy some people. Honesty: Fear of being caught. Honey in the mouth and knives in the heart. Honey, I'll be down in 10 minutes, I promise this time. Honey, PLEASE don't pickup the p€‚·¸¹¾¿ÀÃÇÈÉÊ Honey,just one more message...I really MEAN it this time! Honeymoon - the morning after the knot before. Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing. Honeymoon: time between "I do" and "you'd better" Honk if you love peace and quiet. Honk if you're illiterate Honk if you're illiterate. Hope -- I always thought that was a human failing, Spock. Horn busted! Watch for finger... Horn busted! Watch for finger........ Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. Horse's can't fly! Horse feathers... Hospitals: Places where the run down wind up. Hot air sometimes thaws out a cold reception. Hot as a pistol but cool inside Hot as Vulcan. Hotel: A place you give good dollars for bad quarters. Hours can be centuries House physician - a misnomer for a carpenter/repairman. Housework done properly, can kill you Houston! do you read. How about a pin the missile on the Iraqi leader game? How am I supposed to know what a rhetorical question is? HOW can I be OVERDRAWN if I still have CHEQUES left??? How can I fail when I have no purpose??? How can I miss you if you won't go away. How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? How come wrong numbers are never busy? How did How did I get round from eating square meals? How did this ugly woman get in my bed? How dieth the wise man? As the fool. How do humans manage to exist in these fragile cases? How do I get my words to RIME ? How do I set my Laser Printer to "Stun"? How do I set my phaser printer on stun? How do I spell "relief"? E-X-L-A-X. How do they get teflon to stick to the pans? How do you bare it, this loneliness? How do you chew the eraser off of your text editor?? How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? How do you get holy water?... Boil the hell out of it! How do you know it's summer in Seattle? The rain's warmer How do you know when you have run out of invisible ink? How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder! How do you pronounce my name? With reverence. How do YOU spell computer? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog! How long will a floating point operation float? How many acrylics died to make that sweater? How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin? How many days till Christmas? How many people work here? About half How many times do you need to be tolled anyway? How many weeks are there in a light year? How many wings does a cow have? -Tacky the Penguin How much can I get away with and still go to heaven. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? How much memory have you got? One brain, one memory. How much to downgrade to Turbo C-- ? How much wood did Peter Piper pick..No wait.. How the hell does this thing work? How time flies, when you are in a heap of problems.. How to get rich books are now filed under FICTION. How to hack a Computer: Step 1: Take axe and... How to make your own XT compatible: Run windows on a 486 How to solve Mideast problems: DEL IRA*.* How to tune a ukulele: My DOS has fleas How will be live? How will I laugh tomorrow when I can't even smile today How ya going to do it? IBM Blue it! How ya like me now? How you gonna do it? SLiMeR It! How you know when you have run out of invisible ink? How'd ya like to make $14 the hard way? How're you going to do it? Upgrade It! Howdy Doody had 48 freckles. Howdya (bweek) turn (bweek) off(bweek) Exploding Windows? HS/Link # 01222 Hug: A roundabout way of expressing affection. HUGO was a wimp compared to Desert Storm. Hum be doo wap bap boo da doo bop bop bop dop Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing. Human beings do not survive on bread alone ... Human Error - It's all ***YOUR*** fault. Humanity is a parisite Humans are very peculiar. Humans smile with so little provocation. Humble pie is always hard to swallow with your pride. Humbled again by overlooking the obvious Humility is no substitue for a good personality! Humpty Dumpty DOS - Just a shell of himself. Humpty Dumpty was pushed! - Oliver Stone. Hungry moms choose food. Hunting is sport; your foe just isn't aware he's playing. Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got. Hypocrisy is the type of homage vice pays to virtue. I message database managers. I My Dog. I My Cat. I My Wife. I days. I WP I my dog.... I 'C' said the blind man. I **TRIED** to register it! I *wish* I could remember where I parked my hard disk.... I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical. I always get my muckin words fuddled I always like to try the one I've never tried before. I ALWAYS use your stinky cat LITTER! LOOK how I LOVE IT!! I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I kept I always wear real fur- The cats sleep on the laundry! I am ³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³ -- Welcome to our NEW AGE I am a person of color: My color is White I am a vampire. Please wash your neck. I am an atheist still. ......Thank God! I am both of us & so are you. I am correct, the rest of you are wrong! I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. I am free of prejudices. I hate everyone equally. I am functioning within established parameters. I am going to live forever, or die trying! I am here. Wish you were fine! I am in total control, but don't tell my husband. I am in total control, but don't tell my wife! I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. I am not a dictator. It's just I have a grumpy face. I am not a liar, er, lawyer I am not a number, I am a free man! I am not an animal! I am ... well, not an animal. I am NOT and animal! NOT! I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you. I am not arguing with you; I am telling you I am not arguing with you; I am telling you. I am NOT Paranoid! And why are you always watching me?? I am not young enough to know everything. I am old! I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. I AM standing. I am sweet and lovable at all times. I am the Passion; I am the Warfare. I am waiting for my winning Lotto ticket I am wealthy in my friends. -Shakespeare I am. Therefore, I think. I think. I apologise to the deaf for the loss of subtitles. I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke I attend Cedarupanz Flying School, Deadwood, MD. I Avoid Cliches Like The Plague! I be nibble, you be quick, he jumped over the Joystick. I believe in a god which doesn't need heavy financing I bet Patch drinks Carling Black Label! I bet you I could stop gambling. I blinked, therefore I ran. I bought a cordless extension cord. I bought dehydrated water... but I don't know what to add I bought some batteries today, but they weren't included. I brake for programmers, but not too hard. I brake for Unicorns. I Bring Great Joy:In the city of Dave is Born, A baby Boy I C, therefore I link (and think, and drink) I came, I saw, I charged it! I came, I saw, I confused. I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES! I came, I signed, THEY didn't understand. I can be convinced of ANYthing. With logic. I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries I can levitate birds, but nobody cares. I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to! I can resist anything but temptation. I can resist everything except temptation. I can resist everything/anything except temptation. I can see more on my knees than on my tiptoes I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving. I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol. I can write it perfectly; I just don't understand it. I can't be broke I still have checks! I can't be out of money! I have checks left! I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left! I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks! I can't be stupid, I completed third grade! I can't believe my computer's on fire. I can't diet for medical reasons, it makes me HUNGRY! I can't find the 'ANY' key! I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear. I can't help it if I'm lucky... I can't remember if I used to know that.ÿÿ<ÄÄÙ I can't seem to find time to procrastinate ... I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse. I carry a pistol 'cause my rifle won't fit the holster. I carry the dust of a journey... - ELP I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!! I come from a long line of progenitors. I compacted my editor but my messages are no smaller? I compute, therefore IBM I confess! I've been peeing in the sink! I could be arguing in my spare time. I could prove God statistically. I could show you my favorite obsession. I couldn't care less about apathy. I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less. I Cry Your Pardon, Gunslinger. I despise WINDOWS! I did all that with EDLIN. No, really! I did not win...I busted him up Data I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules! I didn't do anything--unless I was supposed to. I didn't do it nobody saw me you can't prove anything! I didn't get the documentation for the manuals! I didn't know who or where I was, never felt better in my li I didn't wake up grouchy, I let her sleep this morning. I didn't wake up grouchy, I let her sleep. I Disclaim All Warranties Of Merchantability I distinctly remember forgetting that. I do a lot of research, especially in ladies apartments. I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. I do not pretend to know what the ignorant are sure of. I do not want green eggs and ham! I do the work of 3 men. Moe, Larry & Curly I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture. I don't call 911. I don't do Mondays!! I don't do mornings... I don't get ulcers, but I am a carrier. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. I don't have a solution but I really admire the problem. I don't have the solution, but I admire the problem. I don't kill, I maim PERMANENTLY!!! I don't know how I got here.... I don't know what I like, but I know what art is. I don't know what it is, but it's in great condition! I don't know, but it happened. I don't know. I don't like money - but it quiets my spirit. I don't mind stealing bread from the mouths of decadence I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company. I don't need no stinking corn in my beer I don't normally drink and I'm not normally normal. I don't think we are in DOS anymore, Toto. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, toto! I don't trust men who smile too much. I don't wake up grouchy. I let her sleep in. I don't wanna, I don't wanna.....Aw zipit kid... I don't want it now, I bloody well want it RIGHT now! I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now! I don't want it Now, or Right Now, I want it YESTERDAY! I don't want the world, I just want your half. I don't want to play coach - we're losing.. I dont nead no speling cheker! I dont read these either... I drink beer I don't collect cute bottles I drink to make other people interesting. I drink, therefore I am. I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me! I em a wuunderfull spelur. I tipe vari gud two. I even reformatted it, but I still can't read my file?! I even tried to reformat it, but still can't read my fi I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. I feel like a three-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind. I feel like the morning after.. but I had no night before I feel more like I do now than I did before I started I feel much better since I gave up hope. I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late I finally got it all together, but forgot where I put it I find myself beside a stream of empty thought I float like an anchor and sting like a moth. I forget I fought the lawn and the lawn won... I found the tests quite elementary. þ Data I frequently have my doubts. I gave it up until Lent I gave up on my wife, and married my computer. I give advice worth the price....free! I give up, what is the meaning of life? I go to work to catch up on my sleep.... I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat! I got my act together and forgot where I put it! I gotta me a lobotomy. I guess a cynic smells different. I had a dislocated funny bone, but it's better now I had my head examined. They didn't find *anything*! I hate it when that happens! I hate it when the Version number ends in .00 I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. I have .25 Clusters per Sector. I have a feeling this isn't Kansas, Toto! I Have A Mind Like A Steel ... Uh ... Thingamajig ... I have a photographic memory What's your name again??? I have a speech impediment... my foot. I have a watch cat! Just break in and she'll watch. I have already not made that point I have an attitude and I know how to use it. I have an open mind: my brains keep falling out. I have dynamic memory, it needs refreshing... I have given my pain a name..!! I have NOT lost my mind, it's backed up on tape someware. I have one word for you, Mrs. Troi: VD. Look into it. I have seen the data...now bring me some I can agree with I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence! I have seen the future and it is now the past. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense! I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse! I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on tape somewhere! I haven't lost my mind--it's backed up on floppies I haven't lost my mind...It's backed up somewhere! I haven't lost my mind..It must be backed-up somewhere. I hear radio waves in my head. I hear what you're saying but I just don't care. I hope I'm that frail when I am 202 years old. þ Picard I idiot-proof my programs,but along comes a bigger idiot. I imagine, therfore I might beú I is knot dain bramaged! I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? I just got a new car for my girlfriend....Great trade.... I just got my AT&T bill. Buy stock! I just got pulled over by the LAPD, and boy am I beat! I just got pulled over by the LAPD, and boy, am I beat. I just hate it when it does that !! I just steal 'em, I don't explain 'em. I just tested out my pitbull. Ever heard a mime scream? I keep my .BAT files in C:\BELFRY I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY. I knew I shoulda taken that left at Albuquerque I know a heartache when I see one. I know everything about everything, except that. I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once. I know nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooothing. I know silence is golden, I've invested in silver... I know the combination to your locked baud rate.. I know this world needs help. I laugh at "paid programs" I left my tart in Aunt Fran's Crisco. I let my mind wander once...it never came back. I like a person who operates at a 90ø angle to reality. I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat! I like children, if they are properly cooked! I like my steak MIDIum rare... I like my steak so rare a good Vet. could save it. I like overkill. I like to leave messages *before* the beep. I like to reminisce with people I don't know. I like to think of myself as a divide overflow. I like two kinds of women: domestic and foreign. I like women with big... HEARTS! YEAH! THAT's it! I like young girls. Their stories are shorter. I like your approach, now let's see your departure. I like ê-made Ò. I liked that one I listen to Paul and Al in the morning.... I live in a house, but belong in a HOME. I live the life of Riley...when Riley isn't home. I look better on a woman! I lost a button hole today. I lost my knickers at Niagara. I love my job! I love my job! I love my job! I love my... I love my wife and my Turbo C, sure miss her I love New York! * * * No Radio I love you Sooo Much, ...When Your Far Far Away I lurk quietly and carry a big OFF/ON switch. I luvs ya, but everyone else thinks you're an ass. I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum. I M uh tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum. I Made A Mental Note, But Forgot Where I Put It ... I made it foolproof. They are making better fools! I may be fat--but you're ugly, and I can diet I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up I may be stupid, but that still makes me smarter than you I may be SynThetic, But, ...I'm not sutpid. I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid. I may be wrong, but I'm never in doubt! I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. I may have settled in shipping. I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong! I may not be perfect, but I am all I got! I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent. I may not be smart, but I'm dumb... I met the girl of my dreams and didn't have the bar fine I met your parents yesterday: they're pretty nice GUYS! I miss Auntie Em so much!.....ToTo I missed my Mom . . . then I reloaded . . . I multitask... I read in the bathroom! I multitask...I read on the toilet. I must be BLIND because I sure don't 'C' I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night. I need a drink...where's the SPACE BAR? I Need back issues of RolePlayer. R/O ->INNPARK I need everything; do you have it?? I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. I never liked you, and I always will I never met a chocolate I didn't like! I never met a Lasagna I didn't like! I never metaphysics I didn't like I never rise above the noise and confusion... I never wake up grouchy. I always let her sleep. I no wanna work...I wanna bang on keyboard... I only drink when I'm alone or with someone. I only use YALE graphics. I only wrote the thing, I don't have to understand it! I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go. I own Seagates, want to make something of it? I parked my hard disk - and got a ticket!!! I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it! I parked my Hard Disk...now I can't find it. I parked my harddisk - and got a ticket! I played poker w/ tarot cards-got a flush & 5 people died I played poker with tarot cards: got a flush and five people I post.......... I am I practic Ancient Art of .357 Magnum I practic Ancient Art of .45 AUTO I practice moderation to excess. I prefer a bottle in front of me I prefer fiction to reality; fiction has to make sense! I Print on Steel with an Industrial Laser I prithee, take thy fingers from my throat... I program, therefore I exist. I PROMISE - I won't upload in your mouth! I promise results, not promises. I put spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone ... I read it on RIME, so it must be true. I read it on the Continuum I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person I remember me... I think. I run a clean place. þ Guinan I said, "Copy the disk!" not "Xerox it!" I saw a lot of trees today; and they were made of wood. I saw what you did and I know who you are. I saw what YOU did!!!! I saw, I came, I cleaned it up. I see another red eyed morning coming. I See Your Face Printed On My Money I shan't elaborate. I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die... I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a child. I slept with Joe Isuzu <- she's lying I slit my throat on the cutting edge of technology. I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it? I snatch kisses. (and vice versa) I speak of rights! A machine has none! A man must. I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. I stepped on a Tetanus needle today..... now what? I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving! I still miss my exwife, but my aim is getting better... I store my nuts in my cheeks for the winter. I support drug tests. Test the politicians. I SUPPORT FREE Speech! Only, IF you agree with me. I support MERIT PAY for Politicians. I survived the Phoenix Sun. It's a dry heat. Yah Sure! I t#ld yo#, "Never#touch #he flop#y disk s#rface!" I thimk I've finally got this ficts, fics, fixd.... I think ... therefore I am overqualified. I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had! I think I think, therefore I might be. I think I think, therefore I think I am... I think? I think I'll end it all, Sue sighed. I think I'm having an indentical crisis. I think I've got a headache..... I think that I'm the friendliest guy in my zipcode. I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell I think we're supposed to READ the messages... :) heh heh I think, therefore I am, I think I think, therefore I am. I think. I think, therefore I am. (Or am I?) I think, therefore I am... I think. I think, therefore I scan. I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. I think................I am paid. I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong... I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken. I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken. I thought that you thought... must be mistaken. I thought you were dead... I told her, "Like (*&^%$# you are!" I took a Targa once and saw 16 million colors! I tried making OJ from concentrate, but I got a headache. I tried OS/2 once, but I didn't inhale. I tried switching to gum but couldn't keep it lit. I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit! I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. I tried the rest but bought the best!!!! I tried the rest but bought the best!!!! R:BASE! I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. I tryed to draw a picture of my shadow but it kept moving I twaught I twall a pussy cat, I did! I did! I understand your concerns. Request denied. þ Data I use windows...on my car, on my house, but not on my... I use Windows...on my car, on my house, on my... I used to be a sci fi fan. Then I started living it. I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure. I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're alright now. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. I used to have a life, then I got an HST ! I used to have a life. Now I have windows 3.0 I used to have a life... Now I have a computer! I used to have a life; now I have RelayNet. I used to have a Tandy, but I got better! I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser. I used to use QEdit! but now it's SLME for me! I wake near the end of the day. I wanna see 'em explode in every zip code! I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option. I want a warm bed and a kind word - and unlimited power. I want it all or nothing. Or maybe some. I want to have Michelle Pfeiffer's baby I want to live forever. . .so far, so good. I want to live with a synonym girl... I want........a shrubbery! I warn you not to underestimate my powers. I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep. I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a bookmark...... I was on a roll, till I slipped on the butter. I was once too clever by half; only about 10% any more... I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now I was the kid next door's imaginary friend I was walking in someone else's sleep last night. I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone. I wasn't there; I didn't do it; you can't prove it. I wave my private parts at your auntie I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days! I will choose Freewill - Rush I will defend to your death my right to my opinion. I will fight for your right to your wrong opinion. I will instruct you on Enterprise etiquette. þ Worf I will not panic I will not panic I will not Panic I will not Xerox my butt -- Bart Simpson I WILL procrastinate, if I can just get started! I will stand in the trash, with my hopes and dreams. I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body. I wish humans would leave me alone! Arc, Arc I wish I could step on this program's bug. I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. - Seger I wish I REALLY knew what I was doing. I wish life had a scroll-back buffer. I wish life had a scroll-back buffer..... I wish my M-5 had 4DOS... I wish scripts would do what I think I tell them I wish there was something interesting to read down here I wish you humans would leave me alone. I won't use Windows, I won't use Windows, I won't.... I wonder how humanity managed to survive? I Wonder What The Big Red Button Does....? I wonder why you park in a driveway and drive on parkway. I wonder, does Barbera Bush spit or swallow? I would have suffered a lot more if understood. I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't. I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass. I would say more, but I'm limited to 45 chara I would strongly oppose apathy, if I cared... I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. (BOREALIS) I wouldn't Perstor my mother-in-law! I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole! I [] CorelDRAW! v. 2.0! I [] My Cat. I [] My Cat. I [] My Dog. (Would you [] my ex-wife ?) I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat. I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat. I [] My baby seal. I [] My Dog. I [8] My Cat. I [] My TomCat!. I [] QEdit! I [] TheDraw v. 4.0! I [] Ventura Publisher! I ['d] My Dog. I ['d] My Cat. I [] My Cat. Have you done yours?? I [HEART] MY [DOGHEAD] -- Enigmatic Bumper Sticker I'd be a narcissist, but I'm WAY too ugly. I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!!!! I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on the last one. I'd like to get some sleep before I travel I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back.. I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential. I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops. I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma. I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke. I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular. I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini. I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together. I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV. I'd love to, but my patent is pending. I'd love to, but none of my socks match. I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force. I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are. I'd offer everyone a Twinkie, but I'm not hostes I'd rather be bicycling. I'd Rather Be Computing Than COMMUTING! I'd rather be lucky than good anyday!... I'd rather be rich than good-looking! I'd rather be rich! I'd rather have a 3.5" hard one than a 5.25" floppy one I'd rather wear out than rust out. I'd tell you more more, but you might blush. I'de enjoy the ride, If I knew what it was? I'll backup my Hard Drive tomor*(&^)*98&^^... I'll be all right when the swelling goes down I'll be back. I'll be back... maybe! I'll be there in 20 minutes or 2 minutes on my AT! I'll byte your bits if you'll nibble my words I'll byte your bits if you'll nybble my words I'll deal with today tommorrow. I'll do anything to lose EXCEPT diet or exercise! I'll do it when I remember what it was! I'll eat anything that's BRIGHT BLUE!! I'll get to it on the 2nd Tuesday of next week. I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too! I'll get you yet, you kwazy wabbit ! I'll have this one, one more and another I'll have what the guy in the casket had. I'll have what the guy on the floor is having. I'll make you famous. I'll never forget the....uhh...the...never mind! I'll never forget Ummm, ....What's-Her-Name? I'll never forget what's-his-name. I'll quit procrastinating when I get around to it. I'll show you MY fax number if you show me YOURS... I'll try anything once too often. I'll try anything once too oftenÿ I'm a analog man in a digital world I'm a brain in a vat. Are you one too? I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum! I'm a fragment of your imagination I'm a Freud I can't do that. I'm a good organizer: one who is very careful to plan ahe I'm a great lover.......I bet I'm a hero with coward's legs. I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK! I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. I'm a perfectionist with other people's work. I'm a soldier, not a diplomat.I can only tell the truth. I'm against lipstick ... as often as possible. I'm amazed, that it works at all. I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me! I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking. I'm ANN LANDERS!! I CAN shoplift!! I'm apathetic and I don't care. I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol. I'm as innocent as a new-laid egg. I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. I'm back!!!!!!! I'm Buster Brown and I live in a shoe! I'm easy to please as long as I get my way. I'm easy to please, as long as I get my way. I'm excited about QFRONT! Ask Ed G about it! I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. I'm Fat. Your Ugly. I can Diet !! I'm fixin a hole where the rain gets out. I'm FLYING!, I'm FLYING! >THUD< I'm from the IRS, and I'm here to help you. I'm going to dread one day at a time. I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you? I'm grinning from 'ere to 'ere I'm having an old friend for dinner.-- H. Lecter I'm having an out of money experience.... I'm having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle I'm immortal. I'm bored. Let's party. I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Dont Walk I'm in here for being crazy, not stupid. I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere? I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it? I'm in total control, but don't tell my wife. I'm incredibly jealous, but still glad for you. I'm innocent and haven't been read my rights! I'm Jewish, and Shabtai Zvi will return! I'm just about finished, just a coulple more seconds... I'm just looking at your nametag, honest! I'm just visiting. My REAL planet is sane. I'm leaving my body to science fiction. I'm leaving my body to science fiction... I'm like a bad TSR; I keep popping up! I'm looking for lust in all the wrong places I'm lost! Can you help?.... I'm making a career of evil. I'm married to a Computer Widow! I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me. I'm more humble than you are! I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes. I'm multitasking, not multiuser. Tell my boss I'm neither for, nor against apathy I'm nervous and my socks are too loose. I'm new and whats all this then? I'm NOT 36..I am 18 with 18 years experience! I'm NOT 40... I am 18 with 22 years experience! I'm not a crook; I'm "ethically challenged." I'm not a stranger, only a friend you haven't met. I'm not a supreme being. þ Picard I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV. I'm not arguing with you; I'm telling you.. I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT! I'm not as dumb as you look. I'm not as think as you drunk I am! I'm not as think as you stoned I am. I'm not as thunk as you drink I am. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. J.Rabbit I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent. I'm not crazy, I just don't give a s#1t I'm not crazy, I'm chlorinated I'm not dishonest, just morally different! I'm not even going to ignore that. I'm not fat just horizontially disproportionate. I'm not getting fatter ! Just thickening with age I'm NOT laughing at you....... I'm laughing NEAR you! I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished I'm not lost - I'm just locationally I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am. I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged." I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm Not Old! I'm Chronologically Disadvantaged. I'm not old, I'm chronologically gifted. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I'm not paranoid,it's just that everyone's out to get me! I'm not perfect just D$#n close!!! I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things. I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged". I'm not schizophrenic - It's this guy sitting beside me! I'm not Schizophrenic! Yes I am! No I'm Not!Who are You? I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I. I'm not schizophrenic, I'm "multi-faceted" I'm not schizophrenic,I'm multi-faceted! I'm not short - I'm altitudinally challenged! I'm not tense, just terribly *A*L*E*R*T* I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T!! I'm Not Very Smart But I Can Lift Really Heavy Things! I'm not young enough to know everything... I'm not..no I am..no, I'm NOT indecisive. Am I?ÿ I'm now running a "re-engineered" 20 MHz SX! I'm on the Bleeding Edge of Technology! I'm on the crest of a slump. I'm only telling you this for your own good... I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? I'm outstanding in my field (left field) knee deep in BS I'm perfectly sane. Aliens told me so. I'm pink therefore I'm spam. I'm pink, therefore I'm spam I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM. I'm responsible for the MOTHER of all screw-ups! I'm right 90% of the time--why quibble over the other 3%? I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I'm schizophrenic, What are you? I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention. I'm so close to hell I can almost see Vegas! I'm SO confused!!! I'm so poor, I can't even pay attention. I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins. I'm sorry - my karma just ran over your dogma I'm sorry my karma ran over your dogma! I'm sorry, you are not cleared for that information. I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. I'm still searching for myself. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid you're just a mirage. I'm the guy with one star, 2 G's, 2 Nodes and one Saviour I'm the one your mother warned you about...ÿ I'm the person your mother warned you about. I'm thinking! I'm thinking! I'm too old and incontinent-oops-incompetent I'm too simple to have a complex ... So I have a simplex. I'm trying to find myself. Anyone seen me lately? I'm turning you in to the SPCA! I'm user friendly, I don't byte -- I nybble. I'm usually awake near the end of the day I'm waiting for Windows v4.0! I'm wobbling and I can't fall down! Weeble I've already told you more than I know. I've always wanted to make love to an alien. I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force. I've dialed and I can't hang up! I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP !! I've fallen out and I can't get in! I've fallen... and can't BOOT up! I've got 256K of RAM, so why can't I run Windows 3.0? I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called? I've got a tall pointy hat! I've got morals. I just don't know where they are. I've Got my Coffee, what else do I need.... I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. I've had a hard drive, think I'll crash. I've had BETA days ... and nights! I've had BETA days ... and nights!!! I've had fun before. This isn't it. I've never seen a good war or a bad piece! I've plummeted to my death and I can't get up! I've seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence... I've seen the future.. and I can't afford it. I've Told You A Million Times, Don't Exaggerate! I've turned my Laserjet into a death ray! I've upped my standards, so now....UP YOURS!!! I've upped my standards, SO UP YOURS! I)gnore, R)eboot, or C)all Laura Palmer IBM - Making Tomorrow's Mistakes Today!!! IBM = Ice Box Machines IBM computers: Inferior But Marketable IBM is 99.8% compatible...With Compaq 386 Pro IBM PS/1 - The EDLIN of Computers! IBM PS/1 ? - A Prodigy Workstation ! IBM stands for "Inferior But Marketable" IBM, UBM, we all BM - pass the paper. IBM: It's Broken, Man IBM: Computers for those too tense to relax! IBM: I've Been Misled IBM: Inertia Breeds Mediocrity IBM: Inveigled By Microsoft. IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive. IBM: U can buy better, but U can't pay more IBM: When you care enough to spend the very most. IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more IBM? [I]ncredibly [B]oring [M]anuals. If 1st you dont succeed:Rewrite it from scratch If "R" is Reverse, how come "D" is FORWARD? if ( !broke ) don't_fix(); if ( original_ver == OK ) don't_upgrade(); If (Dog_bark = true) then letter:=arrived; if (horny(you_are)==YES) honk(); if (output == CRAP) eat_words(); IF (User-Docs) = 1 THEN;(CALL(TechSupport)) If 1st you dont succeed, rewrite it from scratch if a = b and b = c, then we've got a messed up alphabet If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? If a program is useful, it must be changed. If a tree fell on a florist, would he/she make a sound? If all goes well, you've overlooked something! If all the ladies bend over, I would be very happy. If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail If an experiment works, something has gone wrong If anyone has an idea why do I this, keep it to yourself If at 1st you don't succeed, call it v1.0. If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. If at first you don't succeed, *.* & forget it If at first you don't succeed, call it V1.0 If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0! If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0 If at first you don't succeed, cry a lot. If at first you don't succeed, cry. If at first you don't succeed, DEL *.* and forget it. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you If at first you don't succeed, don't sky dive! If at first you don't succeed, fake it!! If at first you don't succeed, forget it. If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving. If at first you don't succeed, give up. If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment. If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards. If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success! If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. If at first you don't succeed, the hell with it. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset If at first you don't succeed, try again at second base. If at first you don't succeed, you're about average If at first you don't succeed, you're doing it wrong. If at first you don't succeed, you've failed failed again If at first you don't succeed- Don't try skydiving If at first you don't succeed; Blame everyone else If at first you doubt, doubt again, and again ... If at first you doubt, doubt again. IF BIRD(HAND)=1 THEN SET BIRD(BUSH)=3 If brains were C-4, you couldn't blow your nose! If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose! If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient If code was meant to be portable, it'd have wheels... IF code_works THEN don't_fix_it END IF If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella. If dogbark=true .then. mailman = present If dog_age >= OLD then num_tricks = max_tricks If E=MC^2, why's there always room for Jello? If Einstein Had Been Black It would be E=MC Hammer. If Ensign Ro Were Assimilated, She'd Be A Bajoran Borg If ET married Peter Cetera he'd be ET CETERA. If everyone is on the bandwagon, who's gonna pull? If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve If Glass=Empty .AND. Thirsty Then OpenTuborg If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. IF gray_matter IS NULL THEN; GOTO dBASE; ENDI If he knew 9 more things, he'd be an idiot. If horses had wishes we'd all make,..Combustibles If I buy the steel wool, would you knit me a Porsche? If I can have honesty, it's easier to overlook mistakes. If I can light this thing I'll send smoke signals. If I can't fix it, it's probably dead. If I can't have it all, I think I'll just cry a lot. If I can't have SessionManager, I don't want anything. If I can, can you? If I could put time in a bottle.... If I could think of one it'd be right HERE! If I could type, I'd be a great groprammer ! If I die, I forgive you, if I recover, we shall see. If I had a nickel for every bug... If I had a twit filter, how could I read messages from me If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here. If I had finished this sentence, IF I hit the red key is the world over? If I knew how to spell, I could use a dictionary. If I knew what I was talking about--would I be here??? If I only had a 486 . . . If I only had one more teragigadactylbyte... If I save the whales, where do I keep them? If I shot myself, my ex would sue me for the bullet If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you. If I wanted to be stoned, I'd drink wet cement! If I wanted your opinion I'd ask your computer If I wanted your opinion, I would have given it to you If I were a rich man, la la la-la la-la... If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. If I were rich my butler would answer my mail. If I were truly original, I'd think of something cute. If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one? If I were you, who'd be me? If I where two faced, would I wear this one? If I'm not on the track, I'm thinking about the next race If idiots could fly, this would be an airport. If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what is. If in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream & shout If in doubt, make it sound convincing. If it ain't borken, don't fix it. If it ain't broke . . . fix it 'til it is! þ If it ain't broke, wait a day or two!! If It doesn't matter, and what if it did? If it doesn't work, it's physics. If it feels good do it, and if it does good feel it. If it glows don't touch it! If it has feelings, its not cooked enough! If it has syntax, it's not user freindly! If it has tits or tires you're gonna have trouble with it If it has tits or tyres, there will be problems. If it isn't broken, don't fix it. If it isn't broken, I can fix it. If it isn't original, it isn't sin. If it isn't true, at least it is a happy invention. If it itches - Stroke it!.....It might Work. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing If it screams it's not food......yet. <> If it screams, it's not food yet.... If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it was easy, they wouldn't need us. If it was raining soup, I'd have a knife & fork If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL, OBOL! If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. If it works tinker till it doesn't if it works! Don't fix it! If it works, break it! If it works, don't fix it! If it works, don't fix it. If it doesn't work KICK it !!! If it works, something went wrong. If it works, tear it apart and find out why! If it works, you must have done something wrong. If it's 04/14/90, we must be in Sandy Eggo. If it's fixed, don't break it! If it's green and it wiggles, it's biology. If it's ineffable, someone will F* with it If it's not broke, it must be the beta copy. If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan. If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. If it's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well. If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong. If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid If it's Tourist Season why can't we shoot 'em?? If it's useless, it will have to be documented. If it's working PLEASE ...Don't make Love to it!!! If its stupid and it works - its not stupid If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life is but a Dream please wake me up.. If Life's a trip, where the hell is MY ticket? If little else, the brain is an educational toy. If love is blind, how does love at first sight work? If Love is Blind, Lingerie makes Great Braille! If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If love is the dream, marriage must be the alarm clock. If Marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws! If money doesn't grow on tree's, why do banks have branches? If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. If my girlfriend caught me on this board... If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END If one cannot catch a bird of paradise, grab a wet hen. If only I still had my Commodore 64... If only... If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help If only... if only. IF original_works THEN don't_upgrade ENDIF If OS/2 was hooked up to nuclear missiles, what happens? If people listened to themselves, they would shut up. If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on. If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns If Q were castrated would he be O? If Q were castrated would he become ... O ??? If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire!! If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond? If Socrates was so smart, then why is he dead? If speed scares you, use Micro$oft Windows! If that's the way you want to be about it ... If the door is Baroque, jiggle the Handel! If the enemy is in range, so are you. If the family skeleton must remain, make it dance. If the meek inherit the Earth, what will single guys get If the Message Won't End, Continue It. If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits ! If the truth offends -- too bad. If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? If there isn't a law, there will be -- Gates' Law If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. If they don't, the lights stay off in Baghdad - SD Cheney If this is a battle, then you have already lost. If this is a consular ship... where is the Fung?" If this is a service economy, why is the service so bad? If this is heaven, why am I bored out of my skull? If this is only a hobby..then why I am getting paid!! If this is Quarqsday,THIS must be Earth! If this is Thursday, we must be in Fortran! If this is time sharing, give me my share right now. If this is tourist season, why can't I shoot any? If this message goes into the void, call me! If this was a real emergency, you'd've been trampled. If this wern't soo much fun, it'd be work! If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle. If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in! If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth! If turning it on doesn't help, plug it in. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. if u cn rd ths u 2 cn thnk up shrt clvr tglns if u cn rd ths u cn bcm a c prgmr! If U cn rd ths, U cnt spl wrth sht If variety = Spice/Life. Make mine milk. If Version 1.0 works someone goofed... If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities... If we could pool our Group Dynamics... If we don't succeed, we increase our chances at failure. If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy! IF WINNING IS NOT IMPORTANT, WHY KEEP SCORE? If wishes were fishes we'd all be in stitches. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. If wishes were horses, dogfood would be a lot cheaper. If worst comes to worst, you *CAN* turn most things off. If ya can't beat 'em.......RUN! If ya can't feed em', don't breed em'!!! If Ya Snooze Ya Looze... If you act enthusiastic, you'll be enthusiastic! If you ain't got it then you ain't communicatin'. If you are willing to die, you can do anything! If you aren't going all the way, why go at all? If you believe THAT, I have a BRIDGE for sale... If you can read this, my cloaking device is defective. If you can read this, you are too close. If you can read this: GO TO THE NEXT MESSAGE!!! If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER? If you can't be right, at least be careful If you can't beat'um, KILL EM ALL! If you can't bite, don't show your teeth. If you can't debug it, deplug it. If you can't fix it, count it as a feature! If you can't fix it, sell it as a feature. If you can't live without me, why aren't you DEAD yet?!? If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead? If you can't make it good, make it big. If you can't make it good, make it expensive. If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." B. Gates If you can't make it work, make a statistic of it. If you can't say it in 50 characters, then don't b If you can't tell a fib, make it a BIG lie. If you can't win'em over, run'em over.... If you cannot convince them, confuse them. If you cant beat um, KILL EM ALL! If You Care Enough to Steal the very Best, Snipit If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? If you don't care where you are, then you can't get lost. If you don't eat garlic, they'll never smell it on you. If you don't fall down, you're not trying! If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your If you don't think women are explosive, just drop one! If you don't vote for me I'll kill you all. If you find it, it is always in the last place you look. If you first don't succeed, stack it and stack it again. If you have nothing to do, don't do it here. If you have nothing to say, please only say it once! If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know. If you hear an Onion ring Please.... answer it! If you hit every time, the target's too near. If you hold a hard drive to your ear, you can hear the C: If you hurl, and blow chunks; she runs. It was never ment If you knew it, when did you know you knew? If you leave 2 bills together, they breed! If you live long enough, it WILL kill you... If you meet Ken Thompson on the road, kill him. If you mess with something long enough it'll break. If you prick me, do I not get turned on? If you push something hard enough, it will fall over If you REALLY must stay, please leave If you redo a batch file, does it become a son of a batch If You Say Nothing, No One Will Repeat It If You See An Onion Ring - Answer It! If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT! If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? If you take the plunge, return it by Tuesday. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. If you think it's stolen, it came from Lynk! If you throw mud, you will have dirty hands. If you took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, eh? If you try to be too sharp, you will cut yourself. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? If you wanna do it right, then why do it? If you want him to show emotion, hide his PC. If you want it done right do it yourself! If you want it done right, let do it. If you want my advice, pay me! if you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself. If you want to hide your face, walk naked. If you want to run and play, Come along the BEAM today. If you want your name spelt wrong, die. If you would keep a man a slave; educate him not If you're a typical student, consider the fact there is If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. If you're gonna be a turd, go lay in the yard. If you're gonna get down...Get Down and Prey! If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. If you're not the lead dog, everything looks the same! If you're not there, don't ANSWER! If you're not wasted, then the day is. If you're thinking what I am...well then we're psychic! If you're too old to learn, you were born so. If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all! If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.. If your behind is in front, you turned around! If your mind goes blank, remember to turn off the sound. If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! If youth only had a chance or old age any brains. If's it's "Tourist Season" Why can't we shoot them? IF(!CRASH()) _THANK_GOD(); if(crash) grab_ankles();kiss_xxx_goodbye() if(ThisDay()!=MyDay)DosSleep(ulTillNextDay); IfYouCanReadThisYourSpecksAreBetterThanMine Ignorance & apathy: I don't know & I don't care Ignorance = Fear Ignorance is not always Bliss! Ignorance is temporary, Stupid is forever... Ignorance leads to Indulgence. Ignorance=Bliss? Why aren't more people happy?? Ignore me... I'm just here for my looks! Ignore the man behind the screen. Ignore your teeth and they'll go away! ILink, ULink, we all Link for ILink! illegitimati non carborendum Illigitimus Non Carborundum. Illiterate? Write for free help. Illiterate? Write for information! ILLITERATE? Write for a free brochure... Illiterate? Write for FREE help! Illiterate?... Write for free help. Illustrate your Sermons! Wear "far side" ties. Imagery is All In The Mind. Images and reflections to brighten my day. Imagination is more important than knowledge. -Einstein IMHO: In My Honest Opinion Immanuel Kant ..... but Kubla Khan Immoral Majority Charter Member. Immorality: the morality of those having a better time Immortality consists largely of boredom. Impropriety is the soul of wit. Improve mail delivery... mail the posties their pay!! Improve man, you gain a thousandfold. Improve your memory, forget about work Improved - didn't work the second time. In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats. In a fight between you and the world, back the world. In an nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal In any case = In any box ??? In Borland you are never bored! In case of dire emergency read manual. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. In case of fire, yell "FIRE!" In case of rapture, please grab the wheel. In every revolution, there's one man with a vision. In fact, I DON'T put my pants on one leg on leg at a time In front of every silver lining there's a cloud. In God we trust; all others must pay cash. In God we trust; all others we voice verify! In our century, we've learned not to fear words. In politics stupidity is not a handicap. In search for the perfect comm program... In search of real placebos... In the computer room no one can hear you SCREAM! In the computer world, every little bit helps. In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In the distant past Vulcans killed to win their mates. In the end, gravity wins -- Dolly Parton In the end, there can be only one! In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king. In The Search For Quality, There Is No Finish Line In this world a man must either be anvil or hammer. In war there is no substitute for victory. Inagodadivida, baby! Include this in in your CONFIG file, BUGS=OFF Incomepoop: He spends months on 1040 and doesn't sign it Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence. Incorrigible punster -- do not incorrige! Indecision is the key to flexibility. Indiscriminate study bloats the mind. Inertia makes the world go round. Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears. Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another. INFLATION is when the BUCK does'nt stop ANYWHERE. Inflation means the Buck does not stop here... Informed rule or no rule at all Ingen har nytte av et lik InGoodShape := Copy(Beer,1,12); Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress. Init string?!? No, looks like an old rope to me..... INITIALIZATION: Place on a bank loan where it's marked X. Initiative comes to those who wait! - Alex (M. McDowell) Innuendo = Italian suppository Innuendo: Italian Suppository. Inouye shoulda been able to get in... INPUT: Food, whisky, beer, aspirin, etc. Inquiring minds WANT TO KNOW! Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. Insert brain, then type Insert disk 5 of 4 and press any key to continue Insert diskette in Drive C. Press [ENTER] to continue... Insert inevitable trivial witicism of your choice. Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready. Insert prong A into hole B and twist HARD! Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over. Install failed. Attempting to transfer virus to C: Installing Windows apps is a sinch. Instant Human: Just Add Coffee... Instinct is intelligence incapable of self-consciousness. Instructions?!!! Who needs instructions? Insufficient disk space, abandon yea all hope. Insufficient facts always invite danger. Insufficient safeguards built in. Insults are effective only where emotion is present. Integrity of Heart; Skill of Hand INTEL would've flunked Computer Architecture 101! Intel: littendian, segmentated, trimodal...fun Intellicomm: Intelligent Telecommunications INTELLIGENCE IS A STATE OF MIND???? Interchangable devices don't. Interchangeable parts won't. INTERLACE: To tie two boots together. Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge INTERNAL SNACK FAILURE: (A)bort, (R)eheat, (I)nhale? International Priority for this message please ... Interstellar Matter is a Gas Invalid COFFEE.COM - Operator halted! Invent something idiot-proof and only idiots will use it. Invertebrates make no bones about it. Invest in physics - own a piece of Dirac! Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it. IOWA - Idiots Out Wandering Around Iraq won the toss... and elected to receive. Iraq's national bird?, "DUCK" Iraqi Bingo B-52..F-16..A-10.. F-18..F-117..B-2 Iraqi rifle for Sale - Never Fired, Dropped Once! IrepeatmyselfwhenunderstressIrepeatmyselfwhenunderstressI Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets. Iron sharpens iron; scholar, the scholar. Irony: Giving father a billfold for Christmas. Irony: God gave the tortoise a drag factor of .03 Is "Lord of the Flies" about the invention of the zipper? Is a castrated pig disgruntled? Is a Hard Drive a transcontinental auto trip? Is a Jamaican terminal a raster-farian? Is Al the hologram really Al Bundy in disguise? Is FIDO a dog? Is good Data, Gordi's best friend? Is HST faster than the Concord? Is it a crime to be illiterate?! Is it Friday, yet? Is it further to Boston, or by bus? Is it live or is it an image? Is it magic.... or is it SessionManager? Is it ok to panic now? Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON? Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse? Is it possible to feel gruntled. Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork? Is it really true that blondes have more fun? Is it still Monday?!? Is Multimate the Word Processor for Bigamists? is OS/2 only half an operating system? Is piece when the lion lies down with the limb? Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky? Is that a hard drive or are you just happy to see me? Is that MURPHY perched on my shoulder??? Is that seat saved? No, but we're praying for it. Is that sort of serial supposed to "Snap, Crackle, Pop"? Is the dingleberry still fashionable? Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria? Is there anyone who smiles without a mask? Is there death after life? Is There Intelligent Life in the Universe? ARCARC Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click] Is this computer supposed to be smoking? Is this Fahrvergngen? Is this schitzoid paranoia or just Existential Blues? Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Is this the right room for an argument? Is this yours? Your dog left it on my lawn ... Is truth not truth for all? Is virus a 'micro' organism? Is wetter REALLY better? Isn't there a statute of limitations on stupidity? It ain't bragging if you really done it. It ain't easy being easy. It all looks the same if you're not the lead dog. It always happens, but we never expect "the unexpected". It balances! It balances! Run the bloody paychecks. It behooves us to avoid archaisms. It depends on which end he tries to light. It did what? Well, it's not supposed to do that. It does often seem that man must fight to live. It doesn't work, but it looks pretty. It helps if you plug it in. It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at It is a sin peculiar to people to hate their victims. It is a thirst ... it is a flower, dying in a desert ... It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men It is always dark if you don't open your eyes. It is always darkest just before you turn on the lights. It is bad luck to be superstitious. It is better to copulate than never. It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so. It is better to know useless things than to know nothing. It is better to wear out than to rust out. It is broke. It will not work. It does not go. It is dangerous to confuse children with angels. It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver. It is easier to admire hard work if you don't do it. It is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. It is easier to love humanity than to love your neighbor. It is easy to propose impossible remedies. It is hard to believe that even his friends like him. It is hereditary in my family to have no children. It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. It is meaningless to speak of domesticating a child. It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. It is more rational to sacrifice one life than six. It is much easier to be critical than to be correct It is necessary to have purpose. It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. It is our worship word too. It is pitch dark. You will likely fall into a hole & die It is the "pon farr" -- the time of mating. It is the nature of our species to be free. It is when you take for yourself that you truly take. It isn't really mine 'til I've modified it It it ain't broke, let me have a shot at it. It may be GUI but you still can't eat it! It really bothers me when people cut me o... It runs in the blood like wooden legs. It runs! It runs! Now if it just did something... It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit! It seems to be uncontaminated by cheese. It stinks more every time you run over a skunk.. It sure is a damn ugly nothing - Geordi It takes 13 muscles to smile, 73 to frown..why overwork! It takes a long time to understand nothing. It takes a long word to retard spoilage. It takes courage to innovate, not imitate. It takes two to make a bargain. It took me years to write, won't you take a look? It was a dark and stormy night... It was a night like this, 40 million years ago. It was all so different before everything changed. It was casual to the most obvious observer.. It was like the time I stapled balogna to my face... It was so cold, I almost got married. It wasn't broken..until I started playing with it! IT WON'T WORK!!! It works better if you plug it in *AND THEN* turn it on. It works better if you plug it in! It would be illogical to kill without reason. It would not be civilized. It's 3:40 pm, Do you know where your child is It's 00:00 GMT. Do you know where your PC is? It's 10PM, Do you know where your software is?? It's 12:24 am. Do you know where *YOU* are? It's 2 AM. Do you know where your mind is? It's 25:00! Do you know where I am? It's 99% perspiration. The other half's mental. It's a dead man's party...Who could ask for more? It's a deaf eat deaf world! It's a dessert topping AND a floor wax! It's a GREAT DAY when I learn something new! It's a nice place. Take a look! It's a notable exception.. It's a poor cook who cannot lick his own fingers. It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards. It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. It's a tragedy that no man become like their mothers. It's about BUTT; Kick it or lick it! It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye! It's ALWAYS dark if you never open your eyes! It's always darkest before you step on the cat. It's always darkest right before you step on the cat! It's an ill wind that gathers no moss. It's another fine mess you got us into, Ollie It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. It's as easy as 3.145927..... It's bad luck to be superstitious. It's been a business doing pleasure with you. It's been a LOONNNGGGG week. It's better the world wonder why you *AREN'T* President. It's better to burn out, than to fade away. It's Capain Flintstone... He's Fred, Jim! It's clever, but is it art? It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in sni It's easier to curse the candle than light the darkness. It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser. It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue! It's easy to be brave from a safe distance. It's Ensign Pillsbury, Jim. He's bread. It's good to want things Quark It's great to do nothing and rest afterwards. It's hard to be humble when you're perfect! It's hard to be serious when you're naked. It's hard to believe it, but some teens are humans. It's hard to call the zoo when the lion's busy. It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM.. It's IN the Mail !! Believe me !! It's just a jump to the left. THEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT! It's just all psycho-babble rap to me! It's just six of one and............. It's kind of fun to Consummate the Impossible. It's Kinda Like A Symbiosis, But More Expensive... It's life Jim, but not as we know it. It's life, Jim, but not as we know it. It's like Deja Vu all over again... It's love, it's love that makes the world go round. It's morning in An Tir, and it's not my fault! It's my decision, and I'm making it. Maybe. It's MY idea 'cause I stole it first! It's never easy, rarely fun, and always expensive... It's never too late to have a happy childhood. It's nobody's business, not even mine. It's not a bug, it's a feature. It's not a BUG, it's an undocumented feature! It's not a bug, it's our does-the-user-use-it feature. It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland either. It's not cold, Just nipply! It's not easy having a good time. It's not for me to say... It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. It's not how long you make it, it's how you make it long! It's not just reality that matters. It's not lost, I'm just unsure of it's position It's not nice to mess with Mother Nature! It's not over until Milli Vanilli sings! It's not over until the FAT table sings It's not pretty being easy It's not really ugly, it's human. It's not the age - it's the mileage! It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole. It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop... It's not the money I want, it's the stuff. It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money It's not what you say, it's what I think you said. It's nothing a warm-boot can't fix It's OK to prick your finger. It's not OK to . . . It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it? It's okay to call someone stupid; just don't prove it. It's on that one, the 6th unlabeled floppy. It's only a hobby, duhh, only a hobby, duhh, only a... It's only my opinion, but it's better than yours. It's only ones and zeros. It's only rock and roll but I like it It's over when the fat lady sits on your face. It's smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces. It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose. It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC ! It's STILL just a DUMB machine ! It's Tekonojikly better! It's The Gophers And The Rabbits! They're Conspiring... It's time for TAPEWORM! The game show where YOU'RE the host It's time you learned that freedom is never a gift. It's too bad ignorance isn't painful... It's true, forgiveness IS easier to get than permission It's unsettling to discover that we're wrong. It's what inside you, not the outside that counts. It's worse than that, he's dead Jim. Itchy and Scratchy: Cartoons for a kinder, gentler nation Ithinkmyspacebarstoppedworking. Itisdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters Its 2330... Do you know where your files are? Its a dog's life -how lucky they are! Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different. Its been a Murphy day all week long.Sigh! Its hard being BLUE. Its more than good enough so I ain't switch'n Its nice to do nothing and then rest afterwards. Its not a bug, its an undocumented feature. Its not the act but the word is the test... Its time to do the mail.... Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters Ivan Poorovitch, Russia's new premier. Jaguar: Yes. I want a hand Job. (Crazy People) James Bond rules. 00K. James Brown: "I've fallen and I can't get down!" Japan says your illiterate. Japenese is strange. I Kana understand it. Jealousy has often been a motive for murder. Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. Jeez, if you love Honkus... Jeffrey Dahmer... the queer that made Milwaukee famous! Jesus built my Hot-Rod. Jesus Christ is the answer. Now, what was your question Jesus is coming back, and boy, is he ticked! Jesus is Love !!!!!!! Jesus saves ... Passes to Moses ... Shoots ... Scores! Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for VALUABLE prizes! Jesus Saves! But Gretzky scores on the rebound. Jesus Saves! With today's prices, that's a miracle! Jesus saves, passes to Moses...YES, AND IT COUNTS!! Jesus Saves. The Pope makes tape backups. Jesus saves; now offering 14.9% !! Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow! JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head! Jheeesh!!! Jimmy Hoffa, call your office. Jo Jo was a man who thought he was a woman... Joan of Arc is alive and medium well. John Cretein speaks out of the side of his mouth. John Hancock - - Where arrrrre you? John Hancock..when you want to send the very best! John Wayne's World: Party time, Pilgrim. Join Amnesiacs Anonymous at um, er... Join D.A.M. - Mothers Against Dyslexia Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot. Joy can be many things. JOYSTICK: Peripheral used by consulting adults. Judge not a carpenter on hoe fast chips fly. Judicial reform is no sport for the short-winded. Judo: Used to make bagels. Julius Caesar was a salad dressing dude! Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep. Jury: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer. Just 'cause it won't work YOU think its buggy Just a moment.. I have another call.. Just a neural DO loop stuck on a random bit.. Just ASK !! Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating Just because you're STUPID ain't no excuse. Just because. JUST DO IT!! Just do it...explore the possibilities!!! Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here Just gimma a slice of... Just how high can you throw that thing? Just how much leg have I got Just ignore him. He has no idea what he's talking abo Just let me hear some of that Rock and Roll.. just my 2› worth. Just My Opinion (But I'm Right!) Just my two rubber ningis worth. Just nod if you can hear me. Just passing through. JUST ROOTIN' AROUND. Just say "NOOOOOooooooooooo!" to Cthulhu. Just say NO to Windows! Just say no! (To IBM) Just take those old records off the shelf... Just Tell Me How To Follow Protocol. Just the FAX, ma'am Just THINK about where EGGS and MILK come from!!! Just try it shorty. þ Tasha Just trying out a new thing or two ... Just trying to keep up... Just waiting for a new version...... Just what does that mean? Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...? Just when you thought it was over you were right. Justice is incidental to law and order. Justice: A decision in your favor. Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply. Karma, Let me guess, The Toyota Factory! Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb. Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans. Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. Keep England Tidy; burn a tourist, but not his money! length(Short_Pier) Let no good deed go unpunished. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Let the meek inherit the Earth. I want stars. Let the user debug it! Let them eat cache. Let us celebrate an exhaltation of larks! Let X = X. Let's all raise a toast to the ghost we love the most. Let's defy common sense and try to be happy together Let's do it write, uh, rite, uh, oh hell, just do it! Let's do the time warp again!!! Let's go DX around the world Let's go RACING! _/0--'-0/=~~~ Let's have a little fun, let's do a pun. Let's have a Matriculation Orgy! Let's hope it's as powerful as man will ever get. Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it. Let's spend the night together! Let's split up, we can do more damage that way. Lets ... Lets get acquainted. þ Picard Lets form a committee to ban censorship. Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth. Liars get caught by the tale. Liberal - a power worshipper without power. Liberal-One who leaves the room when the fight begins. LIBERAL: A bigot attacking someone elses rights. Liberalism is the "wasting disease" of society. Liberty and freedom have to be more than just words. Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references. Lie: The program is bug free. Life and death are seldom logical. Life before the real world -- work. Life begins at contraception Life brings you a bold and dashing adventure. Life goes on day after day [after day]... Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime Life is a series of interrelated delusions. Life is a series of very rude awakenings. Life is a tragedy for feelers and a comedy for thinkers. Life is an onion and one peels it crying. Life is anything that dies when you stomp it! Life is best done awake. Life is boring without EDLIN Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Life is hard with an extended alphabet... Life is just a figment of my imagination... Life is just one BIG beta test cycle Life is like a Car-wash and I'm on a bicycle. Life is like a Hard Drive, too much stress***CRASH!*** Life is like a simily Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards. Life is much more like it is now than it was before. Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it is a predicament. Life is only as long as you live it. Life is Roff when yer Stewpid Life is serious, but ART is fun! Life is short, eat dessert first!! Life is so uncertain, eat dessert first Life is the storm before the calm... Life is too important to be taken seriously. Life is too short to dance with ugly women. Life is too short to learn Oracle! Life is uncertain, so eat dessert first! Life would be easier if I had the source code. Life's a Beach and then you Dive øùú. øùú. Life's a bitch and then you die Life's a witch, then you fly. Life's short, eat dessert first!!! Life's too short to dance with ugly women. Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. Life...too many questions, damn few answers. Life: ....Is anything that dies when you stomp it. Life: what happens when you have other plans. Life: you'll never get out of it alive. Lifes a BEACH in SANDY EGGO! Lifestyles of the rich and PC compatible. Light and warmth! That's necessary to all humanoids. light, with widely scattered dark tonight Lighten up! You take yourself much too seriously! Lightning & elephants do as they damn please! Like a bad TSR, some people keep poping up. Like it? Wanna buy it? Like you really knew the answer Alex! Like/head/wall/banging/feels/good/when/stop/ Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you. Likes and dislikes are among my favourites Limes and tangerines and pears, oh my! Liposuction will destroy your FAT LISP: To call a spade a thpade. List(en)ing by phone... Listen to the rhythm of crashing hard drives Listen to the rhythm of the failing bits... Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain... LISTEN to your children Lite Year: low calorie year! Little boats should keep near the shore. Little known fact: Slugs go .007 miles per hour. Little things affect little minds. Live (?) from New York . . . Live long and Prospect - Vulcan Miner salutation Live long enough to become a problem to your kids. Live so that the family parrot can live afterwards. Living on earth is better than loafing around Hades. Living poor is best left to those with no money. Living well is the best revenge. Living: The best demonstration of victory over mortality. Lizzie Borden...America's first hacker. Locks only keep honest people out. Locutus for Pontiac: Excitement is Irrelevent Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow! Logic is a way of going wrong with confidence. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers with a very bad odor. Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence. Logjam -- Some kind of high fiber jelly. Lollapalooza II - August 11th - Jones Beach!!! Lonely is the programer with a debuged program. Long time his manxome foe he sought Long-life batteries aren't Look at the world through DOS eyes! Look its a babble fish: ><> o..<>< Look its a babble fish: ><> o..<>< ><>.o Look its a babble fish: ><> øúù<>< ><>úø Look out for barking dogs that bite. Look out!!! Your ZIP file is showing. Look out!... Here comes winter, AGAIN!! look, It's a drunk tank of trombones! Looking for Love? Adopt a pet! Looking for Vanna's brains...did you find them? Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue! Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. Loose it here and you're in a World of hurts !! Lord, grant me patience, but first ..... Lore: Takes a licking and keeps on twitching. Lost One Round But The Prize Wasn't ANYTHING LOST: 1 Iludium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator Lots of people drink from the wrong bottle sometimes. Lots of things are easy when you know the answer LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer Love comes to you, and then after... Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand. Love is grand. Divorce, twenty grand. Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand. Love is grand... Divorce is twenty grand... Love is grand; divorce is twenty grand. Love is like a baseball game, four balls and you walk. Love my 386/33 . . . Thank God my wife isn't that fast! Love of money is the root of all politics. Love sometimes expresses itself in sacrifice. Love thy neighbor, but keep the hedge in tact. Love truth but pardon error. Love your enemies -- it makes them so damned mad. Love your neighbor but don't get caught. Love your neighbor....but don't get caught! Loving Pit Bull ... needs home ... master has died. LSD melts your mind, not in your hand. LSD turned me into a business executive! Luck: A matter of preparation meeting opportunity. LUNACY my Best personality trait! Lunatic asylum: where optimism most flourishes. Lunatic: Insect from the moon. LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS Lust is fleeting, herpes is forever, AIDS is fatal. Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII. Luxuriantly hand-crafted of only the finest ASCII. Luxury: Costs $7.69 to make and $20.00 to market. M..M..M..Mel Tillis has "Phrase Jitter" M.A.D.D.: Midgets Against Desk Drawers. MA Driving #1: Think of everyone as a idiot. MA Driving #2: Everything is under construction. MA Driving #3: Wear burn suit and helmet on Mass. Pike. MA Driving #4: Don't attempt to find order in road system MA Driving #5: If you get there, play your numbers. MA Driving #6: Suicide Alley is the better of the roads. Maas Bioware - Can't get it out of your head Mac Classic: The COPY CON of Computers! Mac scrn msg: Like, dude, something went wrong Mac: Computer with training wheels. Macho does not prove mucho. Macho Programmers Use Edlin. Macintosh font imitation #127: SaN fRaNcIsCo MacIntosh: Computer with training wheels you can't remove. Macintosh: Computing as designed by Rube Goldberg. MacIntosh: Computer With Training Wheels You Can't Remove MacIntosh: only non-removable training wheeled Computer! MacIntosh:Computer with training wheels you can't remove. Macro Macro Macro Madam I'm Adam Madam, an error, we did a hysterectomy on your husband Madness takes its toll, exact change please Madness takes its toll. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. Madre que consiente engorda una serpiente. MAFIA DOS..Ey'What's A Matta You? Wanna Try Again (Y/n)? Mafia DOS: "thisa you lasta chance [Y/N]?" MAGNETIC HEAD: Result of sticking finger in fuse socket. Mail your ideas written on the back of a $20 bill to... Make a bold fashion statement: Get Naked. Make a difference in the world today: Subtract Make headlines! Use a corduroy pillow case. Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler. Make it do ... Or do without. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Make like a bottom and split. Make like a drum and beat it! Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here. Make like a Tom and Cruise. Make like a tree and leave. Make love not war...Get married and do both Make my day - try to pick up someone else! Make my day, kill a GUI today. Make somebody happy. Mind your own business. Make the best of bad situations. Make the most of an uncertain future. Make them eat wake Make tracks for Moose Breath Montana Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before. Make way!, Make way!, A PROGRAMMER HAS ARRIVED!! Make your own XT! Run your 486 under Windows! Make your own XT: run Windows on a 486.... Make yourself necessary to somebody. -Emerson Making tomorrow's mistakes today! Malice is merely stupidity raised to a higher power. Mama don't let me do no rock-'an-roll. Mama don't let your kids grow up to use Amiga's! Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish! Man Gives Birth to 9 Pound baby Girl! Man has his will. Woman has her won't! Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain. Man is not a pet. Man is one of Nature's mistakes. Man is the missing link between apes and human beings. Man is ultimately superior to any mechanical device. Man looks into the abyss, and sees himself. Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely. Man who fart in church, sit in pew alone. þ Confucius. Man who get hit by car,get that run down feeling Man who stands on toilet gets high on pot. Man with atletic finger make broad jump. Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn. Man: There is nothing more miserable and more arrogant. MANIAC - An early computer built by nuts. Manifest: Why lift the hood? Manuals out, after all possible keystrokes have failed. Many are educated...few are learned... Many foxes grow gray, but few grow good. Many kiss the hand that they wish cut off. Many men smoke, but fu man chu Many Myths are based on truth. Many pages make a thick book. Many possess the wisdom of many and only the wit of one. Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it. Many would be cowards if they had courage enough. Marching to a different kettle of fish Marching to a different kettle of fish. Marilyn Monroe? A vacuum with nipples. Marriage is not a word... It's a sentence. :) Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. Marriage is the main cause for divorce. Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. Marriage, a romance but the hero dies in the 1st chapter. Marriage? Sorry, I can't mate in captivity. Marriages are based on believing you won the arguments. Marry your mistress, create a job vacancy. Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham. Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was surprised. Mary had a little lamb...a little beef, a little ham. Mary had a little lamb...the doctor was surprised! Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so. Master Baiter Mastermind specialist subject - the bleedin' obvious.. Masturbation is coming unscrewed. MASTURBATION...the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT. Math is the language God used to write the universe. Mathematicians are # (Exp(i*pi))! Mathematicians take it to the limit. Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence. Matrix me the Epson way! May Ed McMahon bend the boards on your doorstep. May fortune favor the foolish. May I buy less government please? May the Farce be with you May the FORCE be with you!!! May the Great Bird of the galaxy bless you planet. May the next version of WP be the last! May the Porsche be with you. May the wind behind you always be your own. May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss. May you live all the days of your life. May you live in interesting times May you live in interesting times. May you never live to see your wife a widow May your life be filled with experiences. Maybe it's right to be nervous now... Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. Maybe we were meant to fight our way through. Maybe we weren't meant for Paradise... McBorg: over 50 billion assimilated. McDonalds Hamburger 69›.....Kal Can cat food 89›..Hmmmm? MCI playing dirtier than the evil empire cause they're #2 Me a stranger, Nah.. Just a friend you havn't met. me gently with a chainsaw! Me hav'em heap trouble. - Tonto the programmer Me know gammar. Me cood use it gud. Me paranoid? Why do you say that? Me, a stranger? Nah, just a friend you haven't met. Me, indecisive? I don't think I am, do you? Me, indecisive? I'm not so sure about that. Me, Indecisive? Humm, I'm not so sure about that. Me, Indecisive? I'm not so sure about that... Me? Indecisive? I don't think I am, Do you? Me? No. Never. Uh-uh. No way. Maybe... Meanwhile back in the Year One Mediocre is as mediocre does. Just average. Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself! Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it's dignity Meep, Meep, (and picture a cloud of smoke...) Meetings are indispensable for not doing anything. Mega dittos from the Bayou State . . . Megabyte: A nine course dinner. MEGABYTE: What you do to a McDonald's BigMac. Member: L.C.W.T. (Louisiana Crawfish Wrestling Team). Memoirs are the backstairs of history. Memories keep the wolf of insignificance from the door. Memory ... now where did I put my memory? Memory allocation error: Reboot System! Memory error on Brain1 - R)boot, S)mack upside the head. Memory is a thing we forget with. Memory is the first to go--thank goodness! Memory is the second thing to go. Memory....??....What memory?? Men are a pain in the @$$, women are a pain EVERYWHERE! Men have become tools of their tools. Thoreau Men of peace usually are [brave]. Men will always be men -- no matter where they are. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence Merry Christmas Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Message Flamers have uncontrolled vowel movements... Message-write macros, Made to Order. Metamorphic geologists are gneiss people! Mexico's Largest Export- Their Population Mice are handy accessories, but I prefer gerbils Mickey Mouse wears a Dan Quayle watch! Microbiology Lab: Staph Only! Microfiche: Sardines. MicroSoft finally did SOMETHING right... DOS 99 Microsoft is suing Apple 'cause they have employees too. Middle age: When your age starts to show at your middle. MIDI this, he said, pulling down his.... MIDI: Maybe I'll Die Insolvent! Mie Croc Sauf The, Bord Lande, Lotte Us, etc... Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties Military Intelligence is an oxymoron !! Military secrets are the most fleeting of all. Millions for defense, but not one cent for tribute. Mind if I rape your daughter Mind over matter: I don't mind, you don't matter Minds & parachutes only function properly when open. Minds, like parachutes, work only when open. Minds, like parachutes, work only when open... Mines a large one. I don't care what, just a LARGE one.. MIPS -- Isn't that a Conehead swear word? MIPS => Meaningless Index of Processor Speed Mischief all comes from too much opening of the mouth. Misery brings strange bedfellows. Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses. Misfortunes always enter a door left open for them. Missed it by | | <- That much! Missing - presumed married. Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure. Mistakes were made. Misteaching: Telling one's grandmother how to suck eggs. Mister! Here's your mule! Mistrust first impulses, they are always good. MOBILITY...The Ability To Act Like 1 Of The 3 Stooges ! Mobius strippers never show you their back side. mod emo dem ode mod emo dem ode mod emo dem ode mod emo Modern lingo: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C, 3 if by ERR Modesty is good bait when fishing for praise. MOGUR þ Monday is a bad way to spend 1/7 of your life Monday is soon coming to a calendar near you! Mondays are a rotten way to spend a 7th of your life. Mondays are the potholes in the road of life Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery. Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves. Money can't buy love, but it makes a nice downpayment. Money is Root of Evil- And we All need Roots! Money is round, it rolls away. Money is the root of all evil - send $9.95 .. MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL! (Send $20 for more info.) MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL! Send $9.95 for info Money is the root of all evil; everyone needs roots! Money is the root of all wealth. Money is the sinews of both love and war. Money talks - mine always says "goodbye". Money talks - mine says "Goodbye" MONEY TALKS ... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE! Money Talks! Mine always says goodbye! Money wont buy love, but it'll rent the hell out of it. Money: A mint makes it first and we try to make it last. Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired. Monologue: A conversation between realtor and prospect. Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition. Monotheism is a gift from the gods! Monsters come in many forms. MONTANI SEMPER LIBERI MOOSE JAW: The only city named after a Prime Minister ! MOOSE JAW: The only city named after a Prime Minister! MoPar forever: Pikinu drives a HEMI! Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. Morality is a private and costly luxury. More and more I begin to see that we must start the MAD. More than 3 fonts on that newsletter and you die! Morning: cause for alarm Moscow in flames! Missles coming! Film at 11. Mosquito: Designed by God to make flies seem better. Most allies must be watched just like the enemy. Most legends have their basis in facts. Most of our future lies ahead. Most of us have been at work for several hours now. Most people are afraid of being alone. Most people deserve each other! Most political jokes get elected Mother is the invention of necessity. Mother Nature didn't plan on Human nature Mother Nature is a bitch. Mother, they're still not sure it IS a baby! Mount St. Helens should have used earth control. Mountains come out of the sky, and they stand there. Mountains culminate in peaks, and nations in people. Mouse + mouse = mice. Spouse + spouse = spice. Move along people, there's nothing to see here. Move to California - The police treat you like a "King" MPU-401s: All they ever think about is Hex! MR DUCKS. MR NOT! OSAR--CD WINGS? LIB! MR DUCKS! Mr Spock wears vulcanized rubbers. Mr. Bullfrog says: Time is fun when you're having flies. Mr. Coffee's Neighborhood...Won't ya be my filter? Mr. Math says: "Don't drink and derive!" Mr. Potato Head meets the Veg-o-matic Mr. President, we cannot allow a mineshaft gap! MS Windows support line, how may we defenestrate you? MS Word: From the folks who brought you EDLIN MS-DOS 5.0, Why fix it if it ain't broke! MS-DOS is a boot sector virus! MS-DOS..MR DOS's sister -- DR DOS..MS DOS's Gynecologist MSI - Bringing it all together in '92 multitask: Choke on gum and trip simultaniously! Multitask: screw up several things at once! Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! Multitasking = screwing up several things at once. Multitasking causes schizophrenia. Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once! Multitasking:Hanging up more than one program Murder is contrary to the laws of man and God. Murphy IS an optimist! Murphy LIVES !!! Murphy is out there ... waiting ... Murphy is out there... waiting... Murphy was an optimist Murphy was an optimist. Murphy's corralary: Murphy was an optomist Murphy's Law doesn't apply to mee!!!! Murphy's Law needs to be vetoed!!! Murphy's Law what's that? A)bort,R)etry,P)anic !!! Mushy peas & mint sauce hmmmmm Must Go - My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened. Must Go - Our Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened. Must Go - Some Jehovahs witnesses need shouting at. Mutants for nuclear power! }-) My 386 does an infinite loop in 4.68 sec. My 486 is delayed due to MINOR brain surgery. My ASCII has been de-limited. My attorney knew the Law but his attorney knew the Judge. My baby took the elevator and gave me the shaft! My best friend is a social worker. My BEST friend is an AK-47!!! Any Questions???? My body's a temple zoned for toxic waste. My Boss is a Jewish carpenter! My boss is tempermental. 50% temper and 50% mental. My carma just ran over my dogma... My cat's name is: 'Winky, The One-Eyed Wonder Kitty' My computer has a terminal illness My computer has the dreaded "Not Enough Memory" Virus! My computer just won't stop talking. My computer NEVER loc My computer puts out. my couch potato routine honed to perfection My cow died so I don't need your bull anymore My cow died, so I don't need your bull anymore!!! My dad and I are siamese twins. My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies. My foolish parents taught me to read and write. My friends.. to the future.. the undiscovered country.. My girlfriend has blue eyes,golden skin,& long,plaid hair My girlfriend is Schizo. She's good people, but...... My Go amn keyboar oesn't have any 's! My God can beat up YOUR god... My God! It's full of stars! My hard disk hisses like a rattle snake! My Hard Disk went on a diet and lost it's FAT My hard drive died and left me no cache! My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to! My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall! My hovercraft is full of eels My I.U.D. picks up Radio Windy. My IBM mouse likes a MS. She's no Genius. My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours. My interest is in the future, the present is passed ... My Karma has just run over your Dogma. My Karma just ran over your Dogma. My karma ran over my dogma My karma ran over my dogma. My kingdom for a beer; half my beer for a woman. My last original thought died of loneliness. My lawyer can beat up your lawyer! My life is a patio of fun. My life is like a beer commercial. My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring My lord, I have a cunning plan... My lucky colour just faded. My message above. Your response here ____________. My message above. Your response here: __________________ My mind ain't so open that anything can crawl right in. My mind is closed so my body speaks My mistakes are purely erroneous. My mother invented me. My father denies! My mother told me I'd have messages like this. My mother-in-law is an alien. My mouse only has one ball.... My nicest dream: - The world in harmony! My nipples explode with delight! My only cow died, so I don't need your bull. My other brain's a schizofrenic My other car is a broom! My other car is an Edsel. My other computer is a +4... My other computer is a 786/250 with a 250 Gb hard drive. My other computer is a abacus. My other computer is a Cray My other computer is a HAL 9000! My other computer is a HoloDeck(tm). My other computer is a SUN SPARCstation My OTHER computer is an Colecovision! My other computer is an IMSAI.... My other processor is a Moulinex. My poor mouse only has one ball. My printer is Jamaican; it be jommin', mon. My rabbit's just turned into frogs, they croaked. My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me. My reality check just bounced. My stereo's «-fixed, said Tom monotonously. My stone-age brain, lofted into the vault of heaven... My third pet is .BATty; my fourth is MOUSEY. My train of thought derailed! My Twit Filter just put me on its Twit List! My Twit Filter just put YOU on its Twit List! My Universe - I hate party bashers...... My weight is perfect for my height... which varies. My wife left me - There is a GOD! My wife's other car is a BROOM! My XT's not slow, it just takes it's time! mY íç×är M™däm |s … sTr|üg and a ç|n (an N ever A gain V olunteer Y ourself Naaah, real men don't read docs. Nadie tiene m s imaginaci¢n que la realidad. Name one thing that money cant buy..Uh?..Uh!..A Dinosaur! Name:³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³ Rank:Þº³ºÛ³ºÝ³ Serial No:³ºÞº³º³Û³ Name:³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³Ý Rank:Þº³ºÛ³ºÞ³º Serial No:³ºÞºÝ³ºÝº³ Nana-korobi ya-oki (fall down 7 get up 8) Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man. Napoleon is a short, dead dude! NASA: There's no such thing as a free launch. NASCAR -- Where speed excells! Nasi Lemak, the breakfast of champions. Nato Ergo Sum Nature, like people sometimes weeps for gladness. Navy, Just Another Adventure by Milton Bradley Navy, not just a job, but an adventure. Necessity never made a good bargain. - Ben Franklin Need a hat and thigh-high BOOTS for that one! Neil Armstrong tripped. Neither rain, nor snow, nor l¡¥‘ ¤§Œ$ˆ Nepotism is relational. Network Management is Like herding Cats. Network management is like trying to herd cats.. Network management is like trying to herd cats... NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing. Neurotic: Self-taut person. Neurotoxin Lite! Tastes great. Less drooling. Neutrinos have bad breadth. Never "assume" or you'll make an "ass" of "u" and "me". Never a dull moment! Never a victim without retribution!! Never agree with me, it shakes my self confidence. Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested. Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me". Never before have so few puked so much on so many. Never call a man a fool, just borrow his money. Never cook bacon when you're naked. Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you Never drink whisky on an empty ulcer! Never eat the last cookie. Never eat yellow snow! Never encourage anyone to become a lawyer. Never enter a battle of wits unarmed. Never fight with a bear in his own cave. Never go into a hug off balance. Never go with the odds Never hit a guy with glasses...Always use your fists! Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! Never Insult An ALLIGATOR until you've crossed The River Never lean forward to push an invisible object. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you... Never let a machine know you're in a hurry Never let your feet run faster than your shoes. Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. Never lose your sense of the superficial. Never marry for money. Borrow it cheaper. Never mind the facts - I know what I know Never mind the facts - I know what I know. Never mistake motion for action. --Hemmingway Never MOON a werewolf. Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone! Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone. Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn. Never program and drink beer at the same time Never put off til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely Never say never again Never say, "I'm game", at a meeting of the NRA. Never shoot pool with your own balls. Never shove your granny while she's shaving. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Never smirk at the judge.. Never stand between a dog and a fire hydrant. NEVER suffer fools gently. . . Kick them!!! Never take a beer to a job interview. Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it Never take action when you're angry. Never test for an error condition you don't know how to hand Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. Never trust a computer you cannot carry. Never trust a grapefruit Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers Never trust a person who says, "Trust Me".... Never trust a skinny cook. Never trust anyone who speaks well of everyone. Never try to out-stubborn a pampered Pomeranian! Never try to out-stubborn THREE pampered Pomeranians! Never try to outstubborn a cat. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. Never use a long word when a diminutive one'll do. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Never Wear Battery-Powered Clothing to a Formal Event. Never yell THEATRE in a crowded fire. Never, never, NEVER moon a werewolf! New Book: _How to write a How To book_ New diet fad of the resession 90's... STEAL-A-MEAL! New DOS command: ASSPOS.EXE - Assume the position New Hayes AT command: AT ET = Phone Home. New Highway gets Railroaded. New Jersey & Florio & You-Perfect Together...NOT New Jersey: It's filthier than you think. New members urgently required for Suicide Club. New Windows cleaner: Windex 3.1 NEW! NEW! Windex 3.1 for Windows! NEW! NEW! Newest Storage: WORN disk. (Write Once..Read Never) Newsbytes - Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows. Next time you wave at me... Use all your fingers... Next time you wave use ALL of your fingers! Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!! Next time you wave, use ALL your fingers!! Next year: 486-50, Local Bus, 540 MB SCSI, 24bit video! Nibbles, bits, bytes....great hobby for a dieter, huh?!? Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in. Nice shoes, but I would hate to be in them. Nickel: Once good for getting the wrong number with. Nietzche is pietzche, but Sartre is smartre. Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder. Night of the Living Fractals ... Whew nightmares. Night Owl CD's, the best around by far Nihilism should commence with oneself. Nil taurus excretum. No El Toro Poopoo either! NIMBY=Not In My Backyard Ninety per cent of everything is crap. Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it's a way of life! Nitrate: Lower than the day rate. No - I have not grown roots into this chair! No amount of advance planning can beat DUMB LUCK! No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck No amount of planning will replace dumb luck. No answer is also an answer. No baby on board - you can destroy my car now. No Bermuda vacation...the bridge is out. no big deal No Brain, No Pain. No Brains... No Headaches... No Credit, Bad Credit? No Problem. No Money? Problem. No Credit? No Problem. Bad Credit? No Problem. No decorations necessary. No Flames! Combustible tempers ahead. No free lunch in an ecosystem. No generalization is wholly true, not even this one. No grass grows where my horse has trod. - Atilla the Hun No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting. No inequity is too trivial. No it isn't... No it isn't... No it isn't... No it ... No job is so small it doesn't require all your tools No main() No Gain! No matter what happens, someone always knew it would. No matter what the subject, it's money. No matter what they SAY, size IS important! No matter where you are there you are... No matter where you go, there you are. No matter where you go, there you are. - B. Bonzai No matter where you go....I'll HUNT you down!!! No Means No! No medicine can cure a vulgar person. No mess is as great as the mess we make of our lives No Money? Problem. No more blah, blah, blah! NO MORE BU__ SH__ No more money for Mickey. Use 4DOS and DRDOS No more money for MICROSOFT. USE 4DOS!!!! No more sick days? Call in dead! No more twit replies required. I got it! Thanks all! No mud can soil us but the mud we throw. No offense intended in anything above! No one can guarantee the actions of another. No one can think clearly with clenched fists. No one does as much harm as one going about doing good. No one has ever bet enough on a winning horse. No one has ever died an atheist. -Plato- No one knows how he'll act under pressure. No one test the depth of a river with both feet. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun No one wants war. No person ever became wicked all at once. No person should govern another without their permission. No problem is insoluble. No problem is so great it can't be run away from. no problemo No program works the first time you run it. No Purchase Required. Details Inside Package. No reasonable offers refused!! No Scotty ! I said beam me abroad ! No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. No special reason, just government policy No taxation with out representation (void in NY)! no thanks, I'm already having one. No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard.ÿ No wanna work... wanna bang on keyboard! No wants -- no needs? We weren't meant for that. No wonder can last more than three days. No worry, only Robinson Crusoe got it all done by Friday. No!! The potato goes in the FRONT of your Trunks!! No, I never read the documentation NO, I _don't_ do WINDOWS!! No, I'm from Jersey, I only work in outer space. No, I'm from NZ. I only work in Outer Space. No, I'm NOT an Extended Character. No, I'm not shy - just poor and unemployed. No, no, no...Happiness is a CONNECT. No, no, Nurse! I said "PRICK his Boil!", NOT boil his.. No, Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican telephone company! No.. Why, have YOU ever snorted laser toner? Noah saved animals from the flood by arcing them Noble deeds that are concealed are most esteemed. Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble. Nobody can be like me. Even I have trouble doing so. Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition Nobody expects the ... Oh Bugger! Nobody EXPECTS the Spanish Inquisition! Nobody helps nobody but himself! NOBODY inquisites the Spanish Expectation! Nobody knows the Tribbles I've seen Nobody knows the trouble I have been. Nobody notices when things go right, and I'm noticed. Nobody notices when things go right, I'm always noticed. Nobody notices when things go right. Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. Nobody's interested in sweetness and light. Nodding the head does not row the boat. Non-fiction often is more unrealistic than fiction. Non-Trekkies of the world-- GET A FUTURE!! None but a mule denies his family. Northwestern Wisconsin Nostalgia ain't what it used to be. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be! Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nosy bugger, ain't I? Not a bug - an undocumented feature!! Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie. Not all men are fools, some are bachelors. Not another NAK NAK joke, Please! Not breaking the rules, just testing the elasticity... Not by killing others. Not even with BOTH hands AND a flashlight! Not everything more difficult is more meritorious. Not many people realise just how well known I am. Not now ... I have to go mow the laundry. Not now, I have a headache! Not quite human any longer. Not ready, error reading user's mind. Not sure if it helps, but turn the monitor ON. Not the Beatles, but an incredible simulation Not to know is bad, but not to wish to know is worse. Nothing behind you matters Nothing can go wrong now, go wrong, gow rong, grong! Nothing can go wrong, go wrong, go wrong, go wro Nothing cures a case of nerves like a case of beer. Nothing fails like success. Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible. Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come Nothing is ever constant, unless it is dead. Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. Nothing is foolproof because fools are ingenious. Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious NOTHING is FOOLPROOF. Fools are too ingenious! Nothing is foolproof. Fools are too ingenious.ÿ Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason Nothing is impossible if you don't have to do it yourself Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up. Nothing is so smiple that I can't screw it up. Nothing is so smiple that it can't be screwed up Nothing is so smiple that it can't get Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up. Nothing is true. Everything is permissable. Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all. Nothing positive ever came from a negative thought. Nothing recedes like success. Nothing succeeds like excess. Nothing this evil EVER dies! Nothing's IMPOSSIBLE to those that don't have to do it. Nothing's so weird that no one's done it. Notice: All incoming fire has the right of way. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. Now I've gone too far, where do I go now? NOW I've put my ear in it! Now if I can run Win3 under DV under Unix... Now if I could only find the Video switch! Now if only I knew what I was talking about. Now is not a good time to annoy me Now is NOT a good time to annoy me.... Now is the time for all good men Now is the time for all good men to come to. Now that I am dead, I'm finally making a living. Now that there's your FIRST problem, Pilgrim! Now that we travel in space how about travelling in time? Now then, was that funny or WHAT? Now where did I park my hard drive?? Now where did I put that fire extinguisher? Now where did I put that nitwit filter? Now where did I put that rubber doll? Now where'd I put that sledge hammer? Now which disk did I put that backup on? Now you know why the Cheshire Cat is smiling. Now, from K-TEL, on 2 LPs, 1 Cassette OR 3 CD's! Now, where did I put that dweeb filter? NOW, you can press the other key to continue... NR] þ Mouse + mouse = mice. Spouse + spouse = spice. þ Nuclear clock stands at five mins to midnite Nuclear clock stands at T - 5 minutes Nuclear Missiles - May they rust in peace! nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more Nudist Camp sign - Sorry, Clothed for Winter. Nudists are people who wear one-button suits. Nuke 'em 'til they glow, & shoot 'em in the dark Nuke 'em 'till they glow, them shoot 'em in the dark! Nuke 'em til they glow then shoot 'em in the dark! Nuke it till' it glows. Nuke the baby fur whales. Nuke the baby seals for Jesus Nuke the Gay Whales for Christ. Nuke the Whales - US Fission Wildlife Service NUMBER CRUNCHING: Jumping on a Computer. Nurse!, You done it backwards, I said prick his boil Nurses make it all better Nuthin' is simple sometimes... NYC is to rudeness what Paris is to high fashion O Oysters come and walk with us, the Walrus did beseech. O'Brian's Law: Murphy was an optimist... O.K to coninue?? Ob-la-dee Ob-la-da Obesity: A surplus gone to waist. Objection, your Honour! My client is an idiot! Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder Objects in mirror are really illusions. Objects may be closer than they appear. Objects under T-Shirt are larger than they appear. Oblivion together does not frighten me, beloved. Obrein! Energize!. OBRIEN ENERGIZE!. OBRI Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection. Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an Erection OBVIOUSLY a Norton fan!! Of all liars, memory is the most convincing Of all the people I have met, you are certainly one Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most. Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind! of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Of all thirty-six alternatives, running away is best. Of course I can cook, but I never do it on the first date Of course I tessssted it. Of course I turned, I hit you didn't I? Of course I'll introduce you to Warren! Of course I'm a virgin! I'm catholic! Of course it's safe. Go on in, I'll be right behind you. Offense is a human emotion. Often incorrect, but never uncertain Often the test of courage is not to die but to live. OH #* &!! YOU DID IT JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU!!! Oh boy... Oh give me a cray... Where the numbers play.. Oh goody! Another Muranium Explosive Space Modulator! Oh hell, it ain't Friday YET?!? Oh my God! Oh no Captain, those aren't dilithium crystals, it's ice! Oh no you don't! Your not stealing this one! Oh no! Not another 'undocumented feature'! OH NO, my wife burned the rice crispies--AGAIN!! Oh no, not another learning experience! Oh say can you C...(at dawn's early light) Oh that? It was playing leap frog with a unicorn. Oh well, half of one, six dozen of the other. Oh Yeah? Oh yeah? Well, beam *THIS* up, pal! Oh! To be an Interface Cowboy in Hyperspace.!!! Oh!! You been smoking that STUFF again, ummm? Oh, boy! Groat cakes again! Heavy on the 30-weight, Mom! Oh, by the way: BA-BOO-GA! Oh, come on... Dirty maybe, but NOT SCSI!!!! Oh, cry me a river. Oh, Effendi, if you only knew what a deal I have for you Oh, how absolutely typical of your species! Oh, I can 'C' clearly now, my brain is gone... Oh, molluscs. I thought you said bacon. Oh, no! Not another learning experience! OH, NO, nurse, I told you to prick his boil! (sigh) Oh, pardon me, was that *your* culture? So sorry. Oh, that sound of male ego. Oh, yeah? Well, beam THIS up, pal! Oh, you didn't want an XEROX of the disk? Ok son spell PC,...... PEE SEE, Woops! OK!!...I Failed as proof-reader for M & M's OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to be eccentric. OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to become eccentric. Ok, Lets Turn Up the Heat A Little!!! Ok, now which one is the "any" key? Ok, think you're so smart? Set your VCR clock! Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC Okay, okay....so I got it out of the newspaper..so what? Okay, who stole the cork out of my lunch??? Okthat'sit,whotookmyspacebar? Old Age & Treachery Triumphs Over Youth & Vigor! Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill. Old age is better than the alternative. Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. Old Amigas never die. They just get harder to kickstart. Old birds are hard to pluck. Old fishermen never die. They just smell that way... Old Grandad is dead, but his spirit lives on. Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O Old MacDonald had a computer with EIA I/O. Old Macdonald had a computer, with EIA I/O Old mufflers never die, they get exhausted. Old musicians never die, they just decompose. Old programmers never die, they get updated! Old soldiers never die...young ones do. Old typesetters never die. They just decompose. OLX3.0? "I'm hearing November." --Mustang Sally. Omaha? They have computers in Omaha????? Omen The only Way to MOBY! On a clear desk you can never find anything. On a clear disc you can't find anything On a clear disk you can seek forever On a clear disk you can seek forever. On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7. On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts On leave from CNN... On the Bleeding Edge of Technology..... On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers. On the raw edge of reality I stood . . On the trailing edge on technology On the unlabeled disk? HELL they're all unlabeled! Once := Accident Twice := Coincidence Once a NEWFIE always a NEWFIE Once a night, always a Knight, all nite long!! Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken. Once in a while you can get shown the light Once uttered, words run faster than the horses i bet on. One atom bomb can really ruin your day. One crow will not peck out another crow's eyes. One does not thank logic. One good turn gets all the blankets! One good turn gets ALL the blankets. One good turn gets most of the blanket. One good turn gets most of the blankets. One heck of a place to be. One if by LAN, Two if by "C:\". One in Kate Bush is worth two in the Hand. One Iraqui dictator can ruin your whole day. One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do... One legged girls are pushovers. One lie always leads to another. One man cannot summon the future. One man gathers what another man spills... One man tells a lie and 100 others repeat it as truth. One man with courage makes a majority One man's meat is another's editor One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. One man's trash is another man's treasure One man's upload is another man's download One man's Windows are another man's walls. One never knows, do one? One nibble short of a Byte... One night I came home very late. It was the next night One person's is another's . One planet is all you get! One resource we will never run out of is Idiots One ring to rule them all... One size fits all is a lie. One step forward, two steps back... One thing about pain. It proves you're alive. One thing about pain: It proves you're alive. One wanton pointer, and you're in the soup! One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him. One who is always in a stew generally goes to pot. One who is in peril thinks with their legs. One World, One Race, One Rule! Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip... Only a fool fights in a burning house. Only a fool would stand in the way of progress. Only a wimpy God can't get it right the first time! Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps. Only AMIGA makes the possible improbable Only cosmetologists give make-up exams. Only dead fish swim with the stream. Only DEAD fish swim with the stream.... Only death is fatal - life is not! Only fools rush in...and they get the best seats! Only God can make random selections. Only hey can conquer who believe they can. Only I can tell where my own shoe pinches me. Only in your dreams are you really free. Only lemmings jump to conclusions. Only one chance to make a first impression! Only Sky Divers know why Birds sing! Only stop for walls - Speedo Only the hand that erases can write the true thing. Only the mediocre are always at their best. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time. Only the rich have distant relatives. Only the stupidest calves chose their own butcher. Only the weak will die. Only the winners decide what were war crimes. Oompah, oompah, stick it up your joompah... Ooooo.. My brain hurts! ooooooooonnnnnnnnnn, Oops Cat on the keyboard Oooops. DANGER, Will Robinson, DANGER ! OOPS! I stepped in something, ..... GUI OOPs! This is C++, not C! OOPs, I stepped on a GUI! OOPS: Not just for klutzes anymore Open a hailing frequency... Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationall Open mouth, Insert foot, Echo Internationally Open mouth, Insert foot, Echo internationally. Open Mouth, Insert foot, SHUTUP! Open mouth, insert shoe store Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully. Open mouth. Insert Foot. Echo internationally. Open my eyes, that I may see... Open Roads....Open Minds. Open the pod bay doors please, Hal. Open the Windows and let the bugs in. Open wide! You don't know how big this thing gets! Open WINDOWS and you let BUGS in... Open your drive door, honey. Open your mouth honey, it's just a tongue depressor... OPERATER ERROR.. (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)hoot... Operation halted!!!! Start Trek's on! OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am. Operator!....Trace this call and tell me where I am!! Operator...give me the no for 911, quick! Opinion and Butt, everybody has one..... Opportunity knocks but once, GRAB that sucker Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo! Optical Mice Have no Balls Optical mice have no balls! Optimization hinders evolution. Or by misleading the innocent þ Spock and McCoy ORG.ASM Not Found. Wife Not Happy! ORG.ASM Not Found. Wife not happy! Organization is the enemy of improvisation. ORGASM.HER not found. Action: (A)bort (R)etry (F)ake? Origin: 37#02.4'N. 76#25.1'W (UTM on request). Originality is the art of concealing your source. Originality is the art of concealing your sources. Originality is undetected plagiarism. OS/2 - don't leave \HOME without it! OS/2 - Not just another pretty program loader! OS/2 - Windows with bullet-proof glass. OS/2 ... Half an Operating System? OS/2 2.0 VirusScan - Windows 3.1 found: Remove it? (Y/y) OS/2 ErrorScan- "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)" OS/2 is statistically proven to cause suicide. OS/2 Means CURTAINS For Windows! :-) OS/2 V2.0 What's this? A GUI for Yuppies!? OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y,y)" OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)" OS/2 VirusScan: WINDOWS detected. Delete? (Y/y) OS/2...half an operating system! OS/2: What Windows will NEVER BE! Ostrich: He often runs so fast he leaves himself behind. Oswald didn't shoot JFK Other than that, how'd you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln? Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play? Other times, other customs. OTOH... you could always call Compu$pend! Ouch! And I mean it. Our 274 Tech Support employees can't be wrong! Our father who art in Redmond, hallowed be thy DOS Our future is always uncertain our end is always too near Our houseplants have a good sense of humous. Our missions are peaceful -- not for conquest. Our patience will achieve more than force Our people don't believe in slavery. Our pond has ducks. Really anti-social ducks. Our true nationality is mankind Our viewers need proof! Our way is peace. out numbered 20,000 to 2...... and we killed them both. Out of body, be back in five minutes. Out of the mouth of babes comes .. *yuck* Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal. Out there, thataway! OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER! Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees! Outpatient - a person who has fainted. Outside noisy, inside empty. Outta the way, ya knuckleheads! OVERDRAWN? What the hell?, I still have checks left! Overestimation: Thinking that all your geese are swans. Overweight just sort of snacks up on you. ow long will it be before we all "just get in the way?" Oxymore = Authentic Replica ... Oxymoron #40: Ironclad Guarantee Oxymoron - Definite possibility Oxymoron - Military Intelligence Oxymoron = Long Island Expressway ... Oxymoron = Social Security Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire Oxymoron: one who has used too much acne goo? Oxymoron: Soviet Union. Oxymoron: Windows Productivity. P Revere: "One if by Lan, two if by 'C'" P.l.e.a.s.e...Mr. Data....no more jokes! Pagan and Proud Pagan Missionary Pagans do it in the Woad Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Pain is temporary...Glory is forever. Pakled Prunes: Things To Make You Go. Palindrome isn't one. Palindrome? Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas. Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours! Panic now - avoid the rush! Pants: Trousers' country cousins. Paperweights -- The only way to keep bills down. Paradise Motel: Jimmy Swaggart's Home for Wayward Girls! Paramedics are patient people. Paranoia is heightened awareness!! Paranoia is heightened awareness. Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life. Paranoids are never alone. Pardon me while I go throw up... Pardon me, but your shoe is ringing... Pardon me, my brain is clogged with bong resin. Pardon me, please. Which is the non-smoking lifeboat? Pardon my driving officer, I was trying to reload! Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload. Pardon my driving; I'm trying to reload. Parenthood-Feeding the mouth that bites you! Parents become instantly wiser when a teenager turns 21! Parents like stupid things. Parents: One of the hardships of a minor's life. Park Overall is an optimist. Park the HD? As in moving it from D to P? Parking is such street sorrow. Herb Caen Part 2 to a better America: HANG ALL POLITICIANS Part-time musicians are semiconductors Partition your hard drive with Disk Devastater Partition your hard drive with Disk Mangler. Pascal: What's it Wirth? Pass by the open WINDOWS Pass the mental floss... Passing Thru [1:107/411@FIDONET] (107/477) Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity. Passwords? -- We don' need no steenkin passwords! Past of try is tried. Past of do is done. PAS_AL, BASI_, & _OBOL... C fills all the gaps! Pat Buchanan's just trying to be funny. Patience -- Wait control Patience is a virgin. Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of wait Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT! Patience my ass, I'm going to kill something. Patience NOW! PATIENCE, A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. PATIENCE-A Virtue That Carries A Lot Of Wait Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. Pave the bay. PC RAID -- Kills Program Bugs DEAD!! PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks. PCRelay:TELEPHNE -> Telephone Exchange at 904-268-2945 [H PCs are OK except when you use them as bowling balls. Peace Sells ... But Who's Buying? Peace Through Digital Harmony Peace through superior firepower. Peace was the way. Peace.....Through superior fire power!! PEACE: The Universal Greeting Word for The Asiatic World! PEACENIKS; Demonstrate in a dictatorship!!!! Peanuts: The Drinking Man's Filter. Pedal to the Metal Pedestrian: The most approachable chap in the world. Pee Wee Herman Tour '91..... COMING IN A THEATRE NEAR YOU Pee wee would write, but he does not have a free hand! Pegasus : Horny and Hung Like a Horse. Penguin: The headwaiter of the Antarctic. Penny for your thoughts.. Hey! I deserve change! People are always available for work in the past tense. People are always available to work in the past tense. People are boring. Computers are fun. People are strange when you're a stranger. People are the only creatures with the power of laughter. People let me tell ya 'bout my best friend People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care. People say I'm indecisive, but I'm not so sure. People say I'm indecisive. Am I? I don't know. People who don't like OS/2 have a hard time finding why. People who eat snails are slime!! People who gleet in glass houses, shouldn't! People who live in glass houses shouldn't! People who live in glass houses shouldn't. People who sell jacuzzis are used to being in hot water. People who throw kisses are mighty hopelessly lazy People will die this year that never died before People would be alive if there were a death penality Per ardua ad asbestos --- Damn you Jack, I'm fireproof! Perestr•ika... Llibertat... Demana PAU, au! Permanent solutions never work. Permission for lip to wobble, Sir? PEROT for PRIME MINISTER PEROT for PRIME MINISTER! Perot's gone... Can we start over? Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Billionaire, the Skipper& Gilligan Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Milionaire, Skipper & Gilligan. PERSEPHONE (Per-SEH-fun-ee) n: Greek goddess of bills Persist: the greatest effort's not enough. PERSONAL COMPUTING ... A Terminal Disease. Pessimists always take the cynic route. Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea." Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. Pets are it! Pets are the soul of the household Phaser?? I don't even KNOW her!!! Philadelphia Pa... We Bomb our Citizens Philosophic enjoyment = mutual misunderstanding. Philosophic kings have no need of titles. Philosophically speaking, I just Kant see it. Philosophy is the root of all things. Philosophy: A route leading from nowhere to nothing. Phobia -- what you have left over after you drink two out of Photographers do it in dark rooms. Photographers do it with a shutter. Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic! Physical laws simply cannot be ignored. Physical reality is consistent with universal laws. Pi aren't square! Cornbread are square! Pi r Square? No, Pies are round and boxes are square. Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, Cornbread R squared! Pi R Squared? No Pi R round, Cornbread R Square! Pi R Squared? No. Pie R round, Cornbread R square! PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs Picard, you cheated...I'm impressed Q Picard/Riker'92! Leadership for The Next Generation! PICARD: Worf, get that apple out of your mouth! Pick two: [1] Fast [2] Right [3] Cheap Pick up the phone. I've got MNP on m×¯»’á‰½ÃÒç NO CARRIE Pikinu's Pampered Pomeranian Paradise! 502-895-8866 PIMP: a fornicaterer. Pine Trees are fine trees! Pirates, they're recking it for everyone! Piss on you, I'm workin' for Mel Brooks! pitchfork (n.): used to unload dead babies from boxcars Pitchfork: a device for collecting dead babies Pizza IS the four food groups! PKWARE: "The Data Compression Experts" (tm) Place written complaint and proof here====>[] Place Your Ad Here Plagarism prohibited. Derive carefully. Plagerism is the sincerest form of flattery. Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully. Plankton lobiest: "Nuke the whales!" Planned parenthood --- the impossible dream. Planned Parenthood is nothing of the sort. Play it Again, Sam Please call IBM. I believe my computer's on fire. Please check your firearm at the door. Please do not press this button again Please do Not: Fold, Spindle, or Cogitate Please don't drink and post. Please don't filter this twit Please don't spoil everything by telling me the truth. Please don't yell at me. I'm new at this. Please Hold... Please leave deposit in appropriate bank... Please say it isn't so!!! PLEASE SHOOT ME I KNOW COBOL!!! PLEASE USE OTHER DOOR Please wait ONE HOUR before replying... Please! Do not break character! Please! Take my word for it. Please, Captain, not in front of the Klingons. Please, Mr. Wizard! Which way is the Byteroom? Pleasure is the bait of sins. Plerique amicos, tanquam pecudes, eos potissium Plunk your magic twanger, Froggyyyyy! Plus ‡e la change, plus c'est la mˆm chose PMS- Presentation Manager Syndrome. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis PO Box 209 þ Marlton NJ þ 08053-0209 Pobody's Nerfect! Pockets! I have POCKETS!!! Poets go from bad to verse Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore. POKER - The game of the GODS! Poker Face: The face that launched a thousand chips. Poker: It's darkest just before you've drawn. Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy. Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia. Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. Politically incorrect and DAMNED proud of it!!! Politically Incorrect and proud of it! Politics is no exact science Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. Politics permits a LOT more idiocy than science does. Politics shouldn't be so political. Politics: Passing the buck or passing the doe. Politics: The glad hand and the marble heart. Polls show 4 out of 5 people lie to poll-takers. Polls show that 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree Polyester is an attitude, not a fabric! Polymer physicists are into chains. Poo poo occurs, on several occasions. Poo poo occurs. Pop On My Mirrored Shades ... Better To See POPs+OOPs+C==C++ Pornography? We don't even have a pornograph! Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. Possession, n. The whole of the law. Postscript,..Prescript,..what's the difference? Postscript: The only thing of interest in some letters. Potato Salad Special - $1.59 Today only! Potty Mouth! Potty Mouth! Pound forehead on keyboard to continue... Pournography : The writings of Jerry Pournelle. Power attracts the corruptable. Power corrupts, absolute power is kind of neat. Power corrupts, but we need electricity. Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat. Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. Power is an illusion; only stupidity is real. Power is danger. Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Practice safe algebra...use brackets! Practice safe eating: use condiments. Practice safe fax....use a cover sheet. Practiss makes perfict. Praise the lord and pass the ammunition. Praise: What you receive when you are no longer alive. Pray for great things, but above all, Pray! Pray for Ted Turner, he's in need!! Prayer will be in schools as long as exams are! Predestination was doomed from the start. Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril! PregNet: Undergoing rapid expansion! Prejudice is the reason of fools. Voltaire. Premium Notice: ......The check is in the mail! Prepare for tomorrow -- get ready. Prepare to meet thy GOD! (Evening dress optional) Prepositions are not things to end sentences with. Preserve Wildlife, Throw a Party. Preserve wildlife... pickle a sqirrel. Press $ for instant credit to your account. Press -- to continue ... Press -- to store all new data: Press -- to continue. Press to abort Press all the keys at once to continue... Press any key to ...... Press any key to continue or any other key to quit Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. Press any key to continue... Where's the ANY key? Press ANY key to continue......Where's the ANY key? Press any key to dis-continue! %^&$^$@# Press CTL-ALT-DELETE to use computer effectively Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue Press SPACEBAR once to quit or twice to save changes. Press the "any key" to continue. Press the key now... Press the button, my friend, send me back into time. Prevent noise pollution. Gag a Rapper! Prevention is better than cure. PRIME DIRECTIVE, MY A**! Phasers on maximum! Prime-time TV is the opiate of the masses. Primum Non Nocere Printer paper is strongest at the perforation Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets. printf('to C or not to C..that is the question'); Prisons are places people go to in a pinch. Pro Choice! Pro is to con as progress is to Congress Problem: My #VARIABLE# doesn't want to. Problems! Problems! If only to much MONEY was a problem! Problems.... Problems... If only MONEY was a problem! Problems? No, I LIKE my foot there. Procrasinators Anonymous Meeting - Tomorrow Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry... Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday. Procrastinators don't die, they keep putn' it off! Production is the basis of mor Production is the basis of morale. Production is the only answer to inflation. Profanity, the language computerists know. Profanity, The Language of Computer Professionals. Professional courtesy: Sharks don't eat lawyers. Professor: a textbook wired for sound. Program like a MAN. Use COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE. PROGRAM n. used to turn valid data into error messages PROGRAM v. act similar to beating your head against awall PROGRAM: Those things you used to watch on TV. Programmer on Computer Programmers do it in loops. Programmers do it top down... Programmers do it with numbers! Programmers do it with their fingers. Programmers don't Byte,they just Nybble a bit Programmers don't get sniffles, they get a CODE. Programmers don't repeat themselves, they LOOP Programmers get overlaid! Programming Dept.: Mistakes made while you wait. Programming is life. Let me live, let me live, let me... Programming _can_ be fun. Programs are just people in disguise. Progress is made on alternate Fridays. Proofread carefully to see if any words out. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Proposed NEW tax will pay the tax on the tax, supposedly. Prosecutors will be violated Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. Prostitutes never have a free night! Protect data from prying eyes: randomize it! Providing computer solutions for the mentally impaired... Prune: A plum that has seen better days. Prunes give you a run for your money. Pry a yellow rib and pound the old soak free. PS. I'm a quiche-eating Pascal person! PS/2, OS/2 - twice the price, half as nice! Pssst. Dennis Ritchie is a closet Pascal user! Psychiatrists stay on your mind. Psychic Con: You know where and when Psychic Convention cancelled due to unforeseen problems Psychic Convention. You know where & when. Psychic Midget on the Lam=Small Medium at Large Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. Psychologists only do it if they feel good about it Psychology: The art of turning stupidity into illness Psychotherapist is also Psycho The Rapist Public opinion flourishes where there are no ideas. Public Restroom-The only place a flush beats a full house PUI: Piglet User Interface Puns are bad, but poetry is verse! Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel. Push any key. Then push the any other key. Push the limit, and the limit will move away! Put off procrastinating till a later time. Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something. Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something. Put on your seatbelt. I'm gonna try something new. Put on your seatbelt...I wanna try Put that in your | and smoke it! PUT THE COMPUTER DOWN, HONEY..I'm quitting NOW! Put two pennies in pocket...they'll breed. Put your hand on the screen and FEEL my healing power Pyscho 3.0 installed; run NORMAN.MOM Q: Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Q: 386+387? A: 486-8K Quayl(e).."Don't forget to VOT Queen Elizabeth rules, UK? Question Authority, ask me anything questions, questions questions! Questions, questions! Does it ever end?! Quick! Operator! Give me the number for 911! QUICK! Call a witch-doctor: My witch is sick! Quick! Close your mind!! Something might get in. Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened! Quick, call a Witch Doctor. My witch is sick!ÿþ QuickC, QuickBasic, TurboPascal; Why's it all so fast? Quien con perros se acuesta con pulgas se levanta. Quien da el pan impone la ley. Quoth the Maven Rvermore. Quoth the Raven "Hey, lick me, buddy!" Quoth the Raven, "Eat My Shorts." Quoth the raven, `Eat my shorts!' R. Crusoe - only one who got everything done by Friday! R. Smith: Chevrolet, Heartbreak of America. R.E.M. Out Of Time R/O capable. R:Base 3.1: debased R:Base. R:BASE is a constant intrusion on my dreams. Race Car spelled backwards is Race Car Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination. Racism hurts everyone. Radiating from the dark side of Mongol... Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours. Radioactive cats have 18 half lives. Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Radioactive Halibut will make fission chips Radioactive halibut will make fission chips. Radioactive halibut will make great fission chips. RADIOACTIVE: if you can read this you're sterile RAID - - Kills bugs DEAD !!! RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!! Rain Rain Go away! Come Again Some Other Day! Rainforest: a scarcity of animals a plethora of tourists. Rainy days and automatic weapons get me down Raising kids is like trying to herd cats! Raising Microsoft bashing to an art form! Raising your voice does not reinforce your argument. RAM <---Request All Memory--- RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory RAM DISK is NOT an installation procedure! RAM DISK is NOT an installation procedure.... RAM: Rarely Adequate Memory. RAM: What you do to side of your PC when it's not working Ramble on..... RAMBO XIV....This time it's optional! Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party Random answers are my specialty! Random order is an oxymoron. Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Rap MUSIC is an oxymoron.... Rap music is Oxymoron Re-use, Re-cycle, Re-fuse Reach out & touch someone....OUCH!!!!! Reach out, reach out and flame someone! Read my lips... No more cows, man. Read the docs. Wow, what a radical concept! Read the docs? I don need no steenking docs! Read the docs? What a RADICAL concept! Read the docs?? Wow, what a RADICAL concept !! Read the dox?!!? Yea, rite... Read the manual? Doesn't it come in automatic? Read the next message STUPID....! Read what I mean, not what I write. Read. You may learn someting!!! Reading science fiction can save you from MindLock Reading takes time. It's FUNNER on RIME. Reading, writing. Who cares about arithmetic? Real hackers' method: COPY CON: PROGRAM.EXE Real love stories never have endings. Real men don't set for stun. Real men write self-modifying code Real men write self-modifying code. Real processors don't have segments Real progammers don't need spell chekers! Real programers use EDLIN to create Windows applications. Real programmer use EDLIN. Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's. Real programmers can't read code while wearing a tie. Real Programmers Collect Lint. Real Programmers Don't Write Games! Real programmers innovate, others LITIGATE ! Real Programmers use DEBUG C:\DOSFILES\PROGRAM.EXE REAL programmers write self-modifying code. Reality check just bounced, Must have come from Congress Reality failure. Press enter to continuum. Reality is a constant intrusion on my dreams. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons Reality Is An Illusion Caused By Lack Of Acid Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. Reality is for people who can't handle computers. Reality is for people who can't handle drugs. Reality is for those who can't handle computers Reality is for those who can't handle Fantasy. Reality is frequently inaccurate Reality is good for you...in small doses. Reality is not for me and it makes me laugh. Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. Reality is ok - I just don't make a habit of it. Reality is relative, but Relativity is real. Reality is something you rise above. Reality is when it happens to you. Reality slap number 999999 coming up Reality-ometer: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so... REALITY.DAT not found. Press any key to reset Universe. REALITY.SYS Corrupted - Unable To Recover Universe Reality.Sys corrupted -- Reboot Universe (Y/N)? REALITY.SYS corrupted: Re-boot universe? REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q) REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? Y/N/Q Reality: a crutch for those that don't daydream ! Reality: Only a concept and the home of the brave. Reality? Nope, not for me, ...It makes me laugh. Reality? I'll only go as a tourist! Reality? Yeah . . I sorta remember that . . . Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!! Really. And do these lions eat ants? Reasoning, Circular: See Circular Reasoning Rebel without a clue Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God. Recent studies show that recent studies are meaningless. RECOVER.COM: a little slice of hell Recursive (r‹-k–r-s‹v) adj. See "recursive." Recursive, adj.; see Recursive Recycle! Today's Garbage is tomorrow's America. Recycle...It saves money and the world. Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned. Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned... Reduce brain fat. Eat moral fiber. Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car. Reformat Hard Drive! Are you SURE (Y/Y)? Refuse novocain - transcend dental medication. Refuse Novocain...Transcend Dental Medication! Regal Lager, It's not just a beer... It's a palendrome! Regardless of what you think, I am *THE* man! Regards, Doug Regional pilots do it longer,slower,and more frequently ! Registered Q F R O N T Addict Rejected designs: I NY; I NY; I NY. Relax. It's only ones and zeroes. Relay THIS, fella! Religion ... is the opium of the masses. Religious people are wicked, how would they be without? Remedy for a FAT file: Take fewer bytes Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. Remember the deal's not done until the check clears. Remember the immortal Socrates..."I drank what?" Remember the VW Anomaly...er, Bug? Remember to never split an infinitive. Remember when SI= 60, Sigh, Now It's 2 Remember who has control of the DEL key! Remember, Murphy is out there....waiting. Remember, no matter where you go, there you are. Remember, the end never justifies the meanness. Remember, to a computer 1 + 1 = 10. Remember, we're all counting on you! Remember, wherever you go, there you are. Remember................. Wherever you go, there you are. Remember....a wet bird never flies at night. Remember....VIRUS spelled backwards is....SURIV ????? Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser Remember: COBOL can be cured if detected early. Remove tongue from cheek before chewing. Repartee: An insult with a suit and tie on. Repent -- Quit you job -- Slack off Reputation: what others are not thinking about you. Reputation: what others are not thinking about you RES IPSA LOQUITUR, but not clearly. Research: Doing battle with ignorance. Resist the devil and he will flee from you Resist the temptation to buy a boat. Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm) Resistance is useless, you can have me. Resort: A place where the tired grow more tired. Respect is a rational process. Restaurant: An eating place that does not sell drugs. RESTORE A: C:\VIRGINITY\*.* /S retire and complain about the government full time Retreat hell! We're just fighting in another direction. retupmoc siht edisni depart m'I pleH return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush())); Revenge is a dish best served cold. Reversals are coming! Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. Revlon effect:Our only service is lip service Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals. RFC Computers.....818-339-2781 Rhode Island, the ocean state. Rhode Island, the smallest state in the USA Rhode Island..The Ocean State Richard Nixon means never having to say you're sorry Rick for President! RIME - Ridiculous Idiots Mouthing Everywhere Risk -- risk is our business. Rl prgrmmrs dnt nd vwls rm -rf means never having the chance to say you're sorry Road to hell paved with unbought stuffed dogs... E. Hemmi Road-Kill Sold Here! Eat in or take out! Robb, Cheatham & Steele: Attorneys at Law Rocks: The original unfinished furniture! Rocky/Bullwinkle '92: You'd prefer Bush? Roll the dice, pay the price. Rolling On The Floor Laughing And Scaring The Cat ROM wasn't built in a day! ROM wasn't built in a day. ROM: Randomly Operational Memory. Usually. Romeo Romeo, where the hell did you go? Romulan Bell: Make a run for the Neutral Zone! Roses are red, and violets are too expensive for you. Roses are red, Violet's are blue, And mine are white. Ross Perot Had A 2 Hour Summit With Space Aliens Rotisserie: A Ferris wheel for chickens. Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens Round numbers are always false. Round up the usual suspects! Round, round, get around. I've gotten round! Route messages? Of course I do! RPI cheer:e^^x du/dx,e^^x dx;sec,cos,tan,sin,3.14159... RTFM - Revert To Former Method! RTFM? NO! Call author at home - at night! Rubber bands have snappy endings! Rugby is played by men with odd-shaped balls! rum runner's daughter and I love her still. Rumors start easily around here... pass it on. Rumour: NT means Not Tested Run away! Run away! Run away! Run me out in the cold rain and snow Run! Run for safety, foolish pedestrians! Running OS/2, and loving it! RUNTIME ERROR 103 CAPITAL HEAD QUARTERS! Rural life is lived mostly in the country Rush Hour is an oxymoron! RUSSIA: Glasnost experiment site Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home! Rust never sleeps. S/He who uses bad language must be an R:BASE programmer! SAAVIK: He's (Kirk) so human! SPOCK: Nobody's perfect. Saddam eats his Kurds Safety Harbor Institute of Technology Safety tip from PeeWee: Don't leave your tools out! Sailors curse the rain that farmers prayed for in vain. Sally sells C Shells to the C sore. Sally Struthers is the ANTI-CHRIST!!! She MUST be killed! Sally swaps C shells in the C core Salvador Dali:Surreal Killer! Quaker Oats:Cereal Killer. Sam Kinison: 1954-1992. You Will Be Missed. Sandwich: An faulty attempt to make both ends meat. Santa Clarita, CA 91350 Santa only comes once a year, too bad for him. Santa scrambled is Satan. Coincidence? I think NOT! Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. Santa's helpers are now Subordinate Clauses! SAPFU -- Surpassing All Pevious Foul Ups Sarcasm: barbed ire. Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas! Satisfied registered user of Telix v3.12 Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in. Sattinger's law: It works better if you plug it in! Save a tree-Eat a beaver! Save a whale, harpoon a fat person. Save energy, be apathetic. Save energy: be apathetic. Save fuel. Get cremated with a friend. Save gold...it has VALUE, not a printed price Save on toilet paper...use both sides! Save pennies>> Make your own bullets! Save the Manatee - kill a boater Save The Next Generation -- End Abortion today! SAVE THE NOCTURNALS! Save the planet from disaster -- Replicate Save the Whales - Collect the entire set! Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes! Save the whales. Trade them at church! Save the whales. Collect the whole set. Save The Whales. Harpoon A Honda! Save the whales; collect the whole set! Save trees, eat beavers. Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer! Say "please" & "thank you" a lot. Say goodnight, Dick. Say it with flowers - Give her a triffid. Say pistachios ... it's impolite to say nuts. Say yer prayers, y' flea-bitten' varmint. Schizophrenia beats being alone. Schizophrenia beats dining alone. Schizophrenia rules. OK. OK. Schizophrenic? I'm bleedin' Quadrophenic Scholars are a library's way of making more libraries. Schshschshchsch. Schwarzkoff happens.... In downtown Bagdad. Science asks why. I ask why not. Science Fiction: The cutting edge of reality! Science has yet to explain Isaac Asimov's sideburns... Science: preconception meeting verification. Scientists are planning to blow up the Moon!!! Scientists discover life causes cancer. Scotland-men are men, women are cold, & sheep are nervou Scott me up Beamie! Scotty Beam me aboard! Aye Aye captian...will a 2 by 4 do Scotty, beam us aboard!" "Aye sir ... will a 2x4 do?" Scotty: Captain, Chekov blew up killing Bones! Spock:Fascina Scratch & Sniff ? You first. Scripts don't what I tell them to. :-( Scruples are best with garlic butter. Scrute the inscrutable, eff the ineffable. Scrute the inscrutable; eff the ineffable. SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions Sculptor: A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts. Scuze'a SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards. Se non e vero, e molto ben trovato. Searching for help in all the right places Season's Greetings should be all year 'round! Seattle Rain Festival - Jan. 1 to Dec. 31 Sector not found. Kill Program? (Y)es, (N)o, (S)crew it Sector not found: (A)bort (R)etry (G)iveup Sects! Sects! Sects! Is that all Monks think about? Sects, sects, sects. Is that all monks think about? Sects, sects, sects. Is this all monks think about? Security is a game but the final goal is never reached. See COM run. See EXE run. See COM and EXE run. see here now ... See how you can be? See other side. See the TURTLE of enormous girth, ... See! I didn't feel a thing! Seeing is believing, Touching is convincing.. Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. SEEK Error Reading Drive C: Seek error reading drive Z:, reboot system! Seek not to follow footsteps but what they sought. SEEK ye first the kingdome of God seeYUH! Selamat Datang! Self help for people who talk too much: On and On Anon Self-made man: A horrible example of unskilled labor. Self-sacrifice: to sacrifice others without blushing. Sell! Sell Everything, dammit! Sell!! Semiconductor: A part-time orchestra leader. Semper fidelis- always faithful. Send Lawyers, Guns and Money. Send lawyers, guns, & money... Send me a buck and I'll be RICH! (I wish) Send Monopoly Money to your Favorite TV Evangelist SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . Senility means never having to drink to forget. sensations, libations, that stagger the mind. Sensor probe of SOL 3 reports no intelligent life. Sentient plasmoids are a gas. Serfs up! - Spartacus Seriousness is the very next step to being dull. SERVICE AND CLAIMS: Midnight to 2 AM. Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years Set laser printer to "STUN" Set mode=Extremely verbose SET OZONE=CLOSE, do enviroment varibles work? Set phasers on "Scramble" and fire at the phone company. Set your Phasers on *Pur^[‚^\e* Shake, a man of note, wrote so many things to quote. Shame is an ornament to the young, a disgrace to the old. Share and enjoy, share and enjoy! Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven! Shareware it only works if you pay. Sharewear (n.) -- Used clothing. Sharper than an asp's tooth to have a thankless child. Shauka, when the walls fell. Shave daily with Occam's razor. Shchizphrenia beats being alone She aches, just like a woman... She could have had as fulfilling a life as any woman. She devotes her spare time to neglecting duties. She doesn't have PMS, she really IS a bitch! She has been under more drunken sailors than a head. She is blonde/tall/beautiful, and as a Z80 for a brain She laments,...her husband goes this morning a-birding. She never kissed a parrot but had kissed a cockatoo! She poured sugar in the gastank of my heart! She turned me into a newt! I got better... She was another one of his near Mrs. She's my wife's younger cousin... She's not a gossip, just an interesting news source! Sheesh! You start havin' fun, and they send the lawyers! Shell to DOS... Come in DOS... Do you copy? Shell to DOS....come in DOS. Shh! Be vewy quiet. I'm hunting Womulins!! Shh! Be vewy qwiewet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwors. Shh! Be vewy vewy quiet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwors! Shhhh! Hardware is Supposed to Be Secret! Shhhh! Listen to the bitstreams . . . Shhhhhh.....the topic cops are coming shift key/ never heard of it1111 SHIN - A device for finding furniture in the dark. Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.. Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark. Shoot all the Radicals! Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol Shopping tip: Shoes are $.85 at bowling alleys. Short people are vertically challenged. Short-hop to Johnson, bobbles it, over to 1st...Safe! Shortcut: Taking a quicker route to stand in a bank line! Should be read umop apisdn for best results Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did! Should I Stay or Should I Go? Should I weed the lawn or say it's a garden? Should shellfish sue for damages in small clams court? Should we tell the children when we move? Show Girl : she's more show than girl. Show me something built to last Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor. Si jeunesse savoit, si vieillesse pouvoit. si vous avez l'argent, j'ai le temps Sierra Beta Tester-Tough job, but someone's gotta! Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips. Sign at Kennedy estate: Visitors will be violated! Sign here please:_______________________Thanks Sign here please:___________________________Thanks Sign here: X______________________________. Sign Here: __________________________________ Sign in Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea." Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit. Sign on Closed Nuclear Power Plant... "Gone Fission" Sign said "SLOW CHILDREN." How Sad for the neighborhood! Signito ergo sum - I sign therefore I am. Silence is evidence of superb language skills .. Silence is more eloquent at times than words. SILENCE: Wisdom's One Satisfactory Substituteÿ Silly Rabbi, Trids are for Kicks Silver and gold make even pigs seem clean. Silvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept. Simon says: don't be so suggestible. Simple rule: If you don't treat me right, shame on you. Simpler to beg forgiveness than ask permission! SIN OF OMISSION: Any Sin that you forgot to commit. Since GOD spelled backwards is DOG, is my poodle Satan? Since life goes on - you might as well get on with it. Since when was a phone for talking? Since you put it that way... Sinner: A stupid person who gets found out. Sisyphus never had to deal with a LAN. Sit down and patch my bones Sit down, you're rocking the boat! Sitting here with my BUFFER open!!! Sitting watching the railroad tracks rust Six megs, two monitors, and an attitude Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another. Skating away on the thin ice of a new day Skating away on the thin ice of a new day. Skeptics are seldom deceived. SKILL: A long, long, long, long streak of blind luck. Skunks have a stripe down the back, polecats none. SKYDIVE NAKED! (>---====ððð-----ð8)Ã---< X Skydiving & Maxwell House - Good to the last drop! Skydiving: Gravity powered, adrenaline fueled! Slavery's not just a job, it's indenture. Sleazegate - The First Name in Disc Drives Sleazegate and Disk Mangler - What a pair! Sleep warm, love well, and carry a big stick. Sleep: That fleeting moment before the alarm goes off. Sleep: What other people do while the rest of us compute. SLEEP? I'm a programmer! Slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure. Slower Traffic Keep Right - Is that so difficult? Slug Sautee: a hors of a different d'oeuvre. Sly Stallone, how do U spell relief? R-E-E-um-L-E-F-uh-E? Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere. Small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. Smart Office Solutions - for Complete Solutions! SMASH a key! Any key! Smash forehead on keyboard to continue Smile alot...people will think you're crazy Smile if you are Jesus Smile if you like Klingons {{:-) Smile when you say "Damn Yankee." Smile! It makes people wonder! Smile, things could get worse. And they will. Smile--makes people wonder what you've been up 2 Smiley faces were meant to be annoying. Smokey the Bear says: Strip mining prevents forest fires. SMOKIN'JOE'S þ DECATUR,IL.þ (217)425-7051 USR DUAL Smoking cures weight problems....eventually... Smoking is a leading cause of statistics. Smoking is the leading cause of statistics today. Smoking manuals is dangerous to your health. Smurf exterminator. Snow! I want snow NOW!!!! Snow?! You can have it! I want SUNSHINE! Lot's of it!! So crowded in here, I must go outside to change my mind! So dry & yet so wet. So dumb: Chewing the stick, not sucking the lollipop. So Far ... So Good ... So What? So how DO they get Teflon to stick to the pans? So how DO you plant seedless grapes??? So I wing it w/the Encyclopedia Britannica. So if she weighs the same as a duck... So it is Written, So Let it be Done! So it's my birthday. Big deal!! So many bytes, so few cps. So many damsels, so little time So many lawyers, so few bullets. So Many Messages!.............So Little Time! So many messages, so little time So many pedestrians, so little time... So many toys, so little time... So much time, and so little to do. So Sioux me. So that's all there is! So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Mexico So who did frame Roger Rabbit? SO WHO NAMED YOU "TASTE POLICE" ANYWAY? So who's idea was it to let AKC do SPCA's job So you feel like a preserved moose on stage? So, I hear you're into molinology... So, what dimension are YOU from, Aahz? So, where IS the key? So, ya whizzed on the electric fence, didn't ya? So, you say there's a race of men in the trees... So? What do you want ME to do about it? SOB:Sitting on Branch;FOB:Falling off Branch Soccer is a good sport! Just don't SOCK-HER! Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. Society like air, is necessary but not complete for life. Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it. Software Bugs? Exterminators 'R Us Software Error: Programmer Held. Finish all activities Software independent: Won't work with ANY software. Software is never having to say you're done Software means never having to say you're finished Software specs: Pick two - [1] Fast [2] Right [3] Cheap Software unprotects, a hex change operation Software, hardware, -- is that you talking Sigmund? Solar powered flashlight business for sale. Cheap!! Solution Series: Works for Windows, Publisher and Money Solution: A more subtle problem. Solve the problems of the world: Vote anarchist. Some are weather-wise, some are otherwise. Some assembly required. Some cures are worse than the disease. Some days you get the bear, some days the bear gets you. Some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant! Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug Some days, nothing goes left. Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. Some men are discovered. Others are found out Some men without a god are like fish without bicycles. Some nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men Some of us take longer to grow up than others Some people are afraid of heights.I'm afraid of widths Some people are so nice to be nasty to. Some people just don't know when to quit Some people think "asphalt" is a rectal disorder. Some settling may have occurred in shipping. Some take their mark, others leave it Some things are still sacred - I haven't taken them apart Some things have got to be believed to be seen. Some thoughts are best guillotined before actions result. SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! My Keyboard Died!!! Somebody keeps changing the rules. Someone actually has to think up these things! Someone is unenthusiastic about your work. Someone say "crash"? We all need hobbies! Something is rotten in the state of confusion. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes a feeling is all we humans have to go on. Sometimes I Just Get Brain Farts ... Sometimes I sits and thinks amd sometimes I just sits. Sometimes it's hard to find the right question. Sometimes pain can drive a man harder than pleasure. Sometimes the elevator. Most often the shaft!! Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me Sometimes the obvious works best! Sometimes they just grow, and grow, and grow... Sometimes you get beer, sometimes beer gets you Sometimes you're a bug, sometimes a windsheild Soooo many programs...so little time Sorry about your Rectocranial Inversion. Sorry, but you have no choice; you're God be default. Sorry, I'm not interested; I don't indulge in Rishathra. Sorry, my english is not very good. No punt intended. Sorry, unable at this time to remain clear of the ARSA Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors. Sound effects of a one night stand.. Eh Uh Eh Uh Eh..Uhhh Sounds like a Parody error this time... Sounds like help is finally on the way!!!!! Southern Hospitality is Contagious!! Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so. Space is big. Really big. Spacebar, spacebar, please help me out. Spaced Aliens: Columbian drug lords in US. Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer... Spaghetti code = job security. Spam Spam Spam Spam, Spammity Spammmm, Spam, Spam, Spam Spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans and spam. Spare yourself many hard falls; don't jump to conclusion Sparky, Sparky, Bo-Farky. Banana Fana Fo-Farky .. Speak slowly... I'm naturally blonde. Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks. SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut. Speed costs money. How fast do you want to go? Speed kills, but everybody wants more. Speed kills; slow just infuriates... Speel it rite nesks time dood Spell chequers dew knot work write. Spelling mistakes? No way I have an Error Correcting mod Spellings: Compatible, definitely, protocol. Spice is the variety of life. Spill a drink on your hard drive? Try PC Towels... Spill something on your hard drive? Try PC Towels... Spindle & Multilate - See if I care.. Spindle & Mutilate. See if I care. Spiritual Truth thru Superior Weapons. SPITFIRE Shareware Split the messages, and they will disagree! Split your coffee? Call a Chemist! Spock & Data: The Logical Choice Spock, you are such a putz! Spock... you're such a putz. Spreading a man's molecules all over the universe. Spring makes everything young again except humans. Square onions: opinions which lack pi. square root,cube root,log of pi;let's go get'em RPI! Squeeze Me Hard!!!! I Work Better Under Pressure.... St. Louis Music: Someone to Stay With Stacatto signals of constant information... Stack Overflow. Press Any Key To Rebooty Stagecoach -- Drama teacher Stamp it and ship it. Stamp out philately! Stamp out QUOTERS' DISEASE! Stand back! I don't know how big this thing gets! Stand on the toilet, get high on pot. Standards are wonderful! So many to choose from! Standing there making a sitting target of himself. Star Trek Lives! STARK RAVING SOBER Statements here are NOT those of the Posys... Stationary mice have bigger balls. (c)1991 Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer! Steal my wallet, car and TV - but leave the computer! Stealth condoms: she'll never even see you coming... Stealth Condoms: She'll Never See You Coming! STEP 12:Having had a spiritual awakening as a result .... Step on it before it gets the children! Step on no pets! Sterility is hereditary. Steroids, the breakfast of champions Stick to your talent and the cows will be well tended. STICK \'stik\ n. 1: A boomerang than doesn't work. STICK \'stik\ n. 1: A boomerang that doesn't work. STICK: A boomerang that doesn't work. Still couldn't get no Dynamo Humm... Stipulation #1: There will be no stipulations Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for yourself. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility foryourself. Stop crime NOW.. Let's prevent it ..Not lament it. Stop here for Transcendental Omniscience Stop while you're a Thread...... Storms are caused by cold fronts and weekends. Storms in tea cups, but in politics we sail in pape Stove Top? I'm stayin'! Straight trees have crooked roots. Strange but not a stranger... Strength of mind: Person who can eat one salted peanut. Stress mamagement tip: Drive to work in reverse... STRESS--Your gut says no & your mouth says yes STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS. Strike any user when ready. Strike any user when ready... Strike Commander release date - what? WHEN?! STRING space corrupt? But I always use TAPE! Strip mining prevents forest fires. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Stroking a furry pussy will get you scratched. strrev(strcpy("xus yti "+7,"varg")-7)[0]='G' Stulti timent fortunam sapientes ferunit. Stupid: Being unable to find your own butt in the dark. Stupidity has no limits, genius does. Stupidity is no excuse for not thinking. STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere! Sub omni lapide scorpio dormit. Sub-titled in HEX for programmers Submarine Sailors Go Deep and Never Come Up for AIR! Subvert the dominant paradigm! Subway: A place so crowded even men can't all get seats. Success is achieving the top of the food chain. Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure. Such a long long time to be gone Suffocating together ... would create heroic camaraderie. Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest. Super-sado-masochistic-expialidocious! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius Superior ability breeds superior ambition. Supernovae are a Blast Superstition brings bad luck! Support DAMM--Drunks Against Mad Mothers! Support Medical Examiners. Die strangely. Support medical examiners... die strangely. Support mental health - or I'll kill you! Support PROgress, not CONgress! Support Shareware! Support Shareware! Support the economy: Buy a Hyundai! Support the helpless victims of computers. Support the Right to Keep and Arm Bears!! Support your consultant - they have needs also. Support your local AAAAA! Support your local police dept! Bribe a cop! Support your local zoo. Support your right to keep and arm bears! Sure, when... OINK FLAP OINK FLAP... Well I'll be damned! Surf's up! Surgeon General's Warning: Some Assembly Required. Surly to bed, and surly to rise. Surprise your boss. Get to work on time. Surrender now - before I have to offer you better terms. Survival Tip #2: Never moon a werewolf. Sushi--known to the rest of the world as "Cut-bait." SUSHIDO the way of the tuna Swastikas, skulls and crossbones, dice flashing snakeeyes Swell-head: Nature's frantic effort to fill a vacuum. Swish, two, three, four! Swish, two, three, four! Swords to Ploughs? Wouldn't they be small? Synonym: A word you use when you can't spell the other. SYNTAX? Why not--they tax everything else! System Crash (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup SYSTEM ERROR! Strike any user to continue..... SYSTEM ERROR! Press F13 to continue. SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue... System One RPG: Realism & Simplicity at their best! Systems Recruiting in the US & Canada S lvese el que pueda! (Everyone for himself!) SÇ¶ÆµÃ´][...ÞÜsÒîÞ\Ý Ñ() ËÃ´ä bÑsËRîÕ¸ÚÂ¿S... T in Heaven. I/O'd be Thy Name... Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave. Tact is for weenies. Tact is knowing how far to go in going too far. Tact is the intelligence of the heart. Tact: knowing how far to go too far. Tact: making a point without making an enemy. Tact: Recalling a lady's birthday but forgetting her age. Take egotism out, and you castrate the benefactors. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. Take my advice...I'm not using it Take no prisoners, we can't feed them. Take pot to the beach; leave no tern unstoned. Take the antiderivative of (tan 3x^2)/5x... Take time to listen... Take two crows and caw me in the morning Take what you want - leave some if you want. No ratios. Take Your Mouse to lunch Today! Taken as a whole, the universe is absurd Takes a lot of RAM to make your floppy spin. Talent is as talent does. Talk back, tremblin' lips! Talk is cheap - Because supply exceeds demand. Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand. Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer... Talk is cheap, because supply exceeds demand Talk is cheap, because supply exceeds demand! Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer. Talk is cheap--except when Congress does it. Talk is cheap... till you hire a lawyer. Talk is cheap... until you hire a lawyer. Talk softly and carry a "BIG" stick Talking is another disease of age. Talking of bulls is not like being in the bull ring. Tammy Faye loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass Tampons $1 a dozen! No strings attatched! Tanglin, Singapore þ 065-254-9968 þ HST/ZyX TANSTAAFL Tantric electronics: ê mani padme ê Tar is not a plaything! TARDIS Express: When it has to be there YESTERDAY. TARFU -- Things are Really Fouled Up Target Front.....INCOMING FRONT!!!!!! Taurus Excretum Ad Infinitum.... Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. Teachers do it......but forgot how!!! Teachers would do it....but forgot how!! Teaching: Appearing to have known your subject forever. Teamwork gives you someone else to blame. Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target. Teamwork is vital! It gives you someone to blame. Tech Support Help Is Just A Busy Signal Away. TECHNICALITY: Someone *ELSES* Constitutional rights.. Techno Pagan. TechnoBabble - Requires BS to understand!!! TechnoBabble, the language of choice! Technology ... Ain't it amazing? Technology is so technological Teenage Mutant Ninja *WHAT*???? Teeth were not made for stripping wires. Telecommuncations -- A bit far fetched. Telecommunicators are special people. Telix users are worth their SALT. Tell it to the Judge Tell me more about these "habits". þ Beverly Tellarites do no argue for reasons; they simply argue. Tempe, AZ þ 602-894-6526 Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. TERMINAL GLARE: A look that kills! Terminator bumpersticker: I TIME TRAVEL NAKED. terra incognita. [Lat.] Terror: A female Klingon with PMS. test test test and retest Test tube babies get a womb with a view..... Testing One... Fiftythree... fortytwo... Texans just do it. She it! Th vwls n m kbrd dn't wrk vry wll, d thy?? Th-th-th-that's all, folks! Thank the family of a soldier today! Thank you for reading this message! Thank you very little. Thank you. Thanks if U can help. Oh heck,even if U can't Thanks, I have a good one. What I need is a longer one. That ain't so good English! That concept looks like a chicken in a windstorm. That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. That that is is not that that is not. That unit is a woman. That was a pointing device? My cat thought it was dinner. That was then, this is now. That was ZEN -- this is TAO That was Zen, this is Tao. That wasn't me... My farts smell like candy! That which does not kill us makes us stronger. That which does not kill you , makes you stronger. That'll be $67.50 CCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!! That's a smug aura of respectability you see in a mirror? That's about the sum of it. That's Bond, James Bond, double-oh-seven.. That's Captain Q to you Q That's funny, you don't LOOK Druish.... That's inches away from being millimetre perfect. That's Mister Idiot to you! That's my story and I'm stickin' to it! That's no ordinary rabbit . . . That's not a bug! It's supposed to do that! That's not a bug, it's a FEATURE! That's not a bug, that's a feature That's not a bug, that's a feature. That's not a Bug, that's an Enhanced Feature That's not a bug--it's an undocumented feature! That's not a bug. It's supposed to do that. That's okay, my mother didn't BEAR me either! That's right, try hard to be good at the game of life. That's stronger than a garlic milkshake. That's the way it was in 1881. That's why GOD made your eyes; to plagiarize. Thats a nice dog, hey! dont bite me. no,NOo ah, AUGGGG!!! The "Any" key? See the one in the back marked "power"? The "chain" of command is often a noose. The "HELL" you say... The 11th COMMANDMENT - Thou shalt not be a smartass! The 2nd Amendment is alive and well in Massachusettes... The Abort, Retry, Fail ? The above opinion is worth 2 cents. The agony of delete... The Answer is 42 The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth. The art of gaming..@Honolulu, HI The axe swung, blood droplets flew, & the warrior laughed The Babble Underground - 707 575 0636 - Home of JABBER The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings. The backup's not over til the FAT table sings... The backup's not over till the FAT table sings! The ballot is stronger than the bullet. The banner bore a single word: Excelsior! The Bare Facts About Nevada Agriculture. The beatings will continue until morale improves! The beatings will continue utill moral improves The best armor is to keep out of range. The best blood at times gets into fools and mosquitoes. The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. The best deeds are done without fanfair. The best defense against logic is stupidity. The best doctor is the one you run for and can't find. The best government is the least government. The Best Prophet of The Future is The Past The best substitute for experience is being sixteen. The best way out of a difficulty is through it. The best way to accelerate a Mac is at -9.8 m/sý The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 9.8 m/s^2 The best way to accelerate Windows is at escape velocity. The best way to keep friends is not to give them away. The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut. The best way to win an argument is to be right. The Bigger the Drive,the more Junk Collected The bigger the theory, the better. The bird of war is not the eagle but the stork. The Boardwalk! þ Federal Way, WA þ 206-941-3124 The boss is always right. The Buck Doesn't Even Slow Down Here! The buck starts here. The buck stops at the desk over there. The Buck stops here, the Doe just visits.. The Buck stops here, the Dough just visits.. The buck stops here. The bugs will go away when you turn off the computer! The Caldecott Tunnel has less traffic than that vagina. The cause of problems are solutions! The cautious seldom err. The cavalry is late The chances are very much against it. The characters in this message are recyclable THE CHEQUE'S IN THE MAIL - HONEST! The child had every toy his father wanted. The chip's canna' take much more o'this, Captain. The cinema is not a slice of life but a piece of cake. The circus is in town. The city is not a concrete jungle. It is a human zoo. The CLOCK$ stops here. The COBOL Crisis: "But it worked in test". The common denominator produces divide ovflow The computer you bought today, became obsolete yesterday. The consumer is not a moron, it is your spouse. The Cookie Jar þ 714.997.0350 þ Running GAP 6.0/M The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up! The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. The course of true anything never does run smooth. The cream rises to the top. So does the scum... The crulest lies are often told in silence The current death rate? One per person, of course. The Cursed Cursor curses and having cursed... The Czech's in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX. The darn thing works better if you plug it in The DataQuest is OS/2'ing it! The day divides the nights. Nightime devours the day. The Day of Judgement is approaching, or it is not. The days of the digital watch are numbered. The deeper the sorrow, the less tongue hath it. The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded. The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. The Devil falls on account of his gravity. The difference between doing it and not doing it is doing The difference between LIKE and LOVE...SPIT or SWALLOW... The dog ate my .REP packet. The dough always stops over there. The dough NEVER stops here. The dough stops here. The dreadful burden of having nothing to do. The drunker I sit here, The longer I get. The Dungeon Master of my life shows me NO MERCY!!!! The early worm deserves the bird The early worm has a death wish. The Earth changed.Your fathers changed. The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only heavier The easy way is always the hardest way. The eventual supremacy of reason should be accepted. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant! The faster I codes, the behinder I gets! The Fear of God is second to Fear of Snakes The Fear of SNAKES out does the Fear Of G The few, the proud, the Windows 3.0 & SX owners. The fewer our wants, the more we resemble the gods. The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion. The Final Jeopardy Answer is 42. Write your questions. The first blonde is the cheapest. The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with i The First Myth of Management - It exists. The first myth of management is that it exists. tHE fIRST sTEP iS tO tAKE oFF tHE cAPS lOCK. The first step towards philosophy is incredulity. The first ten million years were the worst. The fish in the sea are as good as the fish removed. The fish that escaped is the big one. The flogging will continue until morale improves... The floggings will continue until morale improves! The flood has arrived, may we interest you in an ark? The footprint of the owner is the best manure. The fourth lie: "All you have to do is plug it in." The Freedom Line - Where are all our POW's? The French defence isn't... The freshest thing we've got? 1 order of qagh coming up. The fungus can destroy even the notebook The further I go, the behinder I get. The future is a convienient place for dreams- A. France The future is not what it used to be. The future isn't what it used to be The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades! The future's uncertain and the end is always near... The future... it just isn't what it used to be. The game's a little bit wide open again. The gene pool has no lifeguard. The ghost of things to be avoided. The giving hand ... receives the glorious failures and the glorious victories The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity. The Golden Age will come only when men have forgotten gol THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules The golden years suck The good news is that the bad news was wrong... The grandmother didn't want to go to Flordia. The Grass is Brown on BOTH sides of the Fence... The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism. The greatest cunning is to have none at all. The greatest fault is to be conscious of none. The Greatest of Faults Is To Be Conscious of None The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none. The guy who told you how to screw up. The hangman let us down. The Hard Disk Cafe! (618)-684-3990 HST/V32 24Hrs WC2.55 The hard disk you save may be your own The hard disk you save may be your own. The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar. The heart is not a logical organ. The highest bidder catches the most politicians. The hole and the patch should be commensurate. The Holy Trinity of Rock: E-A-B, E-A-B-A. The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry! The human race is still in beta test... The hurrieder I go, the behinder I get.... The hurrier I go, the behinder I get. The idea of male and female are universal constants. The JABBER crisis: "But it worked in Beta testing!" The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame The key to failure is trying to please everybody. The keyboard .... how quaint. The kwick frown box wumped ozer thuh dazy log The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready! The lab called; your brain's ready. The lab just called -- Your brain is ready. The large print giveth and the small print taketh away. The last sound that it made was "Zap" . The little engineer that could The living world is a continuum in each and every aspect. The longer the title, the less important the job. THE LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math! The lunatic types on . . . The machine that goes...BING! The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 into a XT. The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 into an XT The Magic of Windows: Turns any 486 into an XT! The mailman bringeth.. The trashmen taketh away! The man on top walks a lonely street. The man who has everything should be quarantined. The man-on-the-street has no idea about public opinion. The margin is very marginal. The meek inherit the earth but we keep the mineral rights The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you The metalic years, silver hair, gold teeth, lead botom. The mind grows by what it feeds upon. The mind is a terrible thing to taste (Ministry) The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open. The mind is the 2nd thing to go, don't remember what's 1s The mind is what the brain does. The MOG-UR'S EMS * L.A., CA * 818-366-1238/8929 þ The moral majority is neither. The more I have, The more I want..... The more I learn, the more I have to learn. The more known about people, the more to admire in dogs. The more things change, the more they stay insane. The more you complain, the longer GOD makes you live ! The more you know.... The luckier you get The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets. The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.ÿ The Morning Zoo: 1983-1991 R.I.P. And GOOD RIDDANCE! The most cooperative man in this world is a dead man. The most perfect day to do *ANY* job is tomorrow!! The mouse with a single hole is quickly caught by the cat The music's kinda nice. My compliments to the clef The name is Bond -- James Bond The National Procrastinators Week will be rescheduled... The NBA's best announcers double as a warm hearty meal. The needs of my computer out-weigh the needs of my bills! The new Vapor-DOS CONFIG.SYS line: Device=C:\BUGSOFF the new,inexperienced new kid on the block The Next Skull On The Necklace Is Mine The nicer I am the more they think I'm lying. The number that has dialed you is busy or unavailable ... The number you have reached is not in service ! The ocean is the ultimate solution. The older I get, the better I used to be ... The older the cat, the longer the claws! The older the cat, the longer the claws!ÿþ The older you get, the less stupid your parents become. The one to watch..the one to watch! The one who dies w/the most ShareWare wins! The one who dies with the most toys wins. The one with the most typefaces when he dies, WINS! The ones who love us best are the ones we lay to rest The only argument with the wind is to put on a coat. The only brain-dead 286 chips are made by Intel... The only certainty is that nothing is certain. The only heavy breathing I ever hear is after aerobics. The only realities are the atoms and empty space. The only time I open my mouth is to change feet. The only tool diplomacy has is language. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it The only way to judge the future is by knowing the past. The only winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. The Original Multitasker=Two PCs and a chair with wheels! The paper is always strongest at the perforations. The past is not what it will be. The patient's taken a turn for the nurse. The pen is the tongue of the mind. The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law. The pendulum has gone full circle. The people all know, Everyone's doin'that rag The persistent single-minded fixation on one idea. The phone is baroque, please call bach later. The phone's tapped anyway. The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree! The pool's on the 23rd floor. It's really deep. The pool's on the 23rd floor. It's really, really deep. The Poor? The Poor? I love the Poor. Pull! The power to tax is the power to destroy. The price of liberty is eternal vigilance... The problem with political jokes is they get elected. The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard The proof is the phylogeny of plant-animal interactions. The PS/2 Mod 50 was designed on a Monday. The PS/2 Model 30-286 was designed on a Monday THE PS/2!<< IT'S! hummm, uhhhh IBM COMPATIBLE! The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple The purification of politics is an iridescent dream. The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers. The quieter you become the more you can hear. The race from stupidity is to the driven, not the swift. The reward for a good deed is to have done it. The rich get richer; the poor get babies. The ripest fruit falls first.. The road to success is always under construction THE ROAD TO SUCCESS IS ALWAYS UNDER CONSTRUCTION. The road to to success is always under construction.. The Roseanne Barr Diet: One meadow per day The Ross Perot Watch-you get wound up, it stops running The rules stay the same, the game changes. The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance. The scenery only changes for the lead dog! The score didn't really reflect the outcome. The secret is in the rinse cycle. The Secret to Happiness is Short term Stupidity!! The secretary will disavow any knowledge ... The self inflicted lie: "This should be easy." The semi-conscious mind is a tricky thing. The sensual and the dark rebel, in vain The shortest answer is doing. The shortest distance between two points is off the wall The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line. The sight of death frightens them [Earthers]. The Silent Service The simple explanation always follows the complex souti The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick. The Sky Is Falling, Shut Up! The Ground is Flying! The solution any problem tends to change the problem. The solution to the problem changes the problem. The sound of many hands clapping. Ol‚! The star of riches is shining upon you. The State: friend to all, enemy of each one. The street lights are on.. Gotta go... The sun comes up too early for my liking! The sun is never the worse for shining on a dunghill. The superfluous is very necessary. The surgeon general has determined the life causes death! The Tao of Crash Test Dummies-looking for a few good zen The thing most generally raised on land is taxes. the things love can drive a man to ... The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone baby The time is past.There is no room for gods. The Toe that can be stubbed is not the true Toe. The tree of liberty is watered with the blood of tyrants. The trigger has been pulled. The trodden path is the safest. The trouble with a kitten is that, eventually it's a cat. The truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to. The truth is one thing that nobody will believe. The truth, however, is not pertinent to the issue. The tuna doesn't taste the same without the dolphin. The UART's will'na take this speed cap'n The UART's won't take this speed, Captain The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain! The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain. The Ultimate office automation, Networked Coffee Machines The Uncle Fester & Keith Moon School of Party. The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest The universe is laughing behind your back. The unnatural, that too is natural. The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it. The vine Jane! No the vine! aaiiieeeee... The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle. The Way! The Truth! and The Life! The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful... The whole world is about three drinks behind The wife of a careless man is almost a widow. The Wild Celt: Drink Guiness It is Good for You!!!!! The wildest colts make the best steeds. The wine is good but the meat is spoiled. The wise learn more from fools than fools from the wise. The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward. The word "dog" does not bite. The words we use can compound our problems. The world ends at 8 P. M.... Film at 11. The world is a beautiful book, for those who can read it. The world is a stage with no audience. The world is coming to an end! The world is like a cactus except the pricks are inside. The world is so big and so global now. The world, as we know it, has come to an end!! The World: A comedy for thinkers; a tragedy for feelers. The worst day's fishing is better than the best day's w The worst hatred is that of relatives. The worst prison would be a closed heart. The worst thing about censorship is . The worst thing about censorship is ±±±±±±±±±. The worst thing about censorship is ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ The worst thing about censorship is ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ. The worst vice of a fanatic is his sincerity. The wrong way always seems the more reasonable. The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. The [human] species is capable of much affection. Theasaurus - A smart Dinosaur with a good vocabulary... Theater: Holding a mirror up to a keyhole. Them that can does, them that can't RTFM. Then do the pelvic thrust. Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream.... There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither. There are 3 kinds: those who can count, & those who can't There are always alternatives. There are certain things men must do to remain men. There are many things I could say... There are no answers at best a few possibly good guesses. There are no answers, only cross-references. There are no atheists in the foxholes. There are no edges. Only the places where things meet. There are no ESC keys on San Quentin's PCs There are no skeptics in hell. There are no teachers -- only students. There are so many upgrades, I am bankrupt. There are some things worth dying for. there are three things that come next, uh four... There are two kinds of pedestrians. Quick and dead. There are two solutions - hardware or software. There are unguarded entrances to any human mind. There is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulde There is a plot afoot to make me think I'm paranoid! There is a skeleton in every old house. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. There is an exception to every rule, except this one. There is an order of things in this universe. There is much Obiwan did not tell you. There is no ! #$%^& place for censorship! There is no There is no bad beer: some kinds are better than others There is no dark side of the moon. Really. There is no defense except stupidity against a new idea. There is no God! He just thinks he's there! There is no gravity. The earth sucks. There is no joy in Mudville, mighty Casey has struck out. THERE IS NO JUSTICE, THERE IS ONLY ME. There is no man so blind as he who will not see. There is no remedy for fun but more fun! There is no such thing as bravery; only degrees of fear. There is no vaccine against stupidity. There is not gravity. The earth sucks. There is only one universal passion: fear. There is something to be said about me: "Wow!!" There must be a demand for useless software. There will be no last bus tonight. There's a bottle of Romulan ale in it for you... There's a dead bishop on the landing! There's a frood who knows where his towel is. There's a hot place with pitchforks waiting. There's a lesson in there somewhere. There's a little alien in all of us. There's a lot of trial & error here-100% of each There's a sucker born every minute! There's a way out of any cage. There's always 1 more SOB than you counted on There's always 1 weirdo on a bus-but I couldn't find him! There's always a loophole There's always one more bug. There's another way to survive.Mutual trust -- and help. There's more than one answer to these questions... There's no FAT in a 0 byte file. There's no future in time travel There's no future in time travel. There's no intelligent life down here. There's no skeletons in my closet! There's no such thing as a too-recent backup! There's not enough Sax & Violin's on TV There's nothing wrong with my keyboard. There's n&%)$^%@! There's one in every car... You'll see. There's only one kind of woman.... Or man, for that matte There's only two kind's of music - Country & Western There's safety in numbers/When you learn to divide. There's someone in my mind and it's not me. There's somthing inside your head... There's sumpthin' bigger than Phil!! There's that strange noise from the drive again... Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. These cookies don't taste anything like girl scouts! These hemorrhoids are a pain in the neck! They *blinded* me with Science! They all look the same at 2 A.M. They ARE doing it with mirrors... They are slaves who fear to speak for the fallen & weak. They blew the Bronx away. . . They can't fire me, Slaves have to be sold!!! they don't really Like warm beer - they got Lucas fridge They just won't let you be They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them! They turned away, until we were only memories. They who drink beer will think beer. They wouldn't come here in strange alien forms. they're cousins, identical cousins... Thin may be in, but fat's where it's at! Things are more like they used to be than they are now. Things could only be worse in Cleveland. Things equal to nothing, are always equal Things get worse under pressure Things that make you go "Hmmm...." Things worth having are worth cheating for. Think "HONK" if you're a telepath Think and you won't sink. Think carefully before wishing, it might just come true. Think hard now! Which one is Shinola? Think much, speak little, and write less. Think of it as evolution in action Think! It may hurt, but it pays off over time. Think! While it's still legal!! Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best. Thinking that all your geese are swans. This ain't no party, this ain't no disco.. This BAUD'S for You... This building is so high, the elevator shows movies. This car only needs _minor_ repairs ... This computer is taking over my life!!!! This does not exist. This end down, not up, Stupid! This fellow's wise enough to play the fool. This here's a government experiment.... This is a fried egg on drugs. Any questions? This is a good day to let down old friends who need help. This is a hired computer. Our CRAY-1 is at the analyst's. This is a Moving Message. This is a stick-up! Fax me all your money!! This is a test of the EBS. This is ONLY a test. This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall. This is an egg. This is a frying pan. Any questions? This is an egg... this is an egg on a 486DX-50 cpu... This is an ex-parrot! This is Cal dog and his Worthington Spot on drugs. This is express written consent of Major League Baseball. This is heavy stuff for a Thursday! This is home - This is mean street This is loneliness? What a bitter thing ... it's so sad. This is meaningless ... This is NOT Burger King. You do not get it YOUR way. This is not what you think. This is pretty exciting for a Thursday!! This is X Insurance Co - How May I Shaft You? This is you......This is you with a computer... $# ! This is your brain. Postscript on brain your is This. This is your CPU -- This is yor CPU on Windows ! #$% ) * This is your pizza. çÆ¸$ ³ §šâ !zzà ÓÙ‹ÅÞ» ¦ü›×èû‚$ This isn't hell, but I can see it from here. This isn't my pet, this is my lunch - Worf This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. This line intentionally left blank. This line intentionally left unjustified. This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88 This May Tell You More Than You Care to Know (g) This message cleared by Iraqi censors. This message was typed with recycled phosphorus... This message will self-destruct in five seconds..... This mind intentionally left blank. This MSG written by pouring warm tea on an Ouiji board. This New Year I resolve to make no resolutions. This open hand of desire wants everything. This past week have all been Murphy days.Sigh This phone is Baroque. Please call Bach later. This program makes me look like a genius. This sentence is false. This space available for advertizing. this space for rent This statement is a lie. This thing doesn't compile in time. Need a new 486 This world aint fit for *US* decent folks! Thomas Edison invented the "Light Emitting Resistor". Those who can't write, write manuals. Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate. Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise! Those who can, Do. Those who can't, Criticize. Those who don't agree with me are traitors (George III) Those who fought for it know the true taste of freedom! Those who hate and fight must stop themselves Those who know me, despise me. Those who live by the nit, die by the nit Those who live by the sword KILL those who don't. Those whom the gods love grow young. Those without heads do not need hats. Thou shall not kill. Thought is action in rehearsal Thousands of journeys have a start but no end. Threats are illogical. Three can keep a secret, if two are dead. Three left's make a right! Throw rocks at sea-birds; leave no tern unstoned. THUGS EAT THEN ROB PROPRIETOR thunk Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed; Tic Tac Toe and way to go Tie a yellow ribbon around Jane Fonda's neck.. Til we cross-references again..... Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM! Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills. Time and tide, nothing and no one can stop us now... Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like bananas Time flies like wind, fruit flies like pears! Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. Time goes? No. Alas time stays, we go. Time heals all wounds; time and 1/2 heals faster Time is an illusion. Lunch, doubly so. Time is of the essence, so close the door! Time is precious, but truth is more so. Time is the dressmaker specializing in alterations. Time keeps on slippin', slippin' into the future... Time keeps on slippin',slippin',slippin' into the future Time smokes us all. Time Stops for no man. Except me. Time Travel Seminar-Two weeks ago, Thursday Time: A descending scale of intelligence. tin cans and a string.... Tips: Wages we pay other people's hired help. Tis better to be hunter than hunted. Tis better to have loved and lost than just to have lost. TLAM[N] - When you care enough to send the very best! To a dog his owner is Napoleon; hence their popularity. To all virgins. Thanks for nothing To alter reality, please insert Rush 2112. To any objective person it'd be obvious that I'm right. To avoid seeing a fool, break your mirror. To be a human without passion is to be dead. To be an ever-opening flower... To be and not to be, that is the contradiction To be human is also to seek pleasure. To be human without passion is to be dead. To be or Not is the Result! To be or not to be. That is the result of 2bý. To be too clever is to be stupid. To be uman is to be complex. To be, or not to be, those are the parameters. To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs. To boldly go where no one wants to... To Boldly Probe Where No Man Has Probed Before!!! To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee To climb a ladder, you begin with the first rung. To Continue, Press The Reset Button - Now. To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor. To do nothing is also a good remedy. To do nothing is in every person's power. To each his bone. To each his clone! To eat is human, to digest, divine. To err is human but mostof us never make mistake To err is human, but sometimes so devine! To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy. To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. To err is human, to forgive is unthinkable. To err is human, to forgive is unusual! To err is human, to moo bovine. To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. To err is human. To moo bovine To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer! To err is to screw up.... To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa. To every rule there's an exception & vice versa. To excel at what you do, you must love doing it. To Freud, the world consists of housewives only To go where no man has gone before......... To iterate is human, to recurse divine. To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. To keep your milk sweet, leave it in the cow. To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die. To live is always desirable. To live now, first come to terms with your past. To live well, know the difference between good and evil. To live-is to risk dying. To me personally, it's nothing personal to me. To me, you're a very large baked potato! - MG Joe Vaturbo To process or not to process that is the question! To respond to this message, press "R".... To Serve Man To Ski or Not to Ski THAT is the Question! To sleep, perchance to Dream To stop reading at anytime hit To take arms against a C of troubles. To the Caliph I am dirt, but to dirt, I am Caliph. To the old cat, the tender mouse. To tolerate everything is to teach nothing. To understand other's miseries, look at their pleasures. To us, killing is murder, even for revenge. To us, violence is unthinkable. To whom should I go to for some self-help? To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition Today has been a long year!!!!!!!!!! Today I have grown taller from walking with the trees. Today is a day for making firm decisions!!!!! Or is it? Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday. Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day. Today is the first day of the rest of this mess. Today is the last day of your life, so far. Today is the scene of the accident. Today is the Tomorrow you worried about Yesterday Today is tomorrow's yesterday. Today the sun, tonight the MOON! WHEN WILL IT END? Today's subliminal message is . Today, take an astronaut to launch. Todays subliminal message is " " TOE: A device for finding furniture in the dark! Tolkien is Hobbit forming! Tomorrow we start dieting! Tomorrow will be yesterday soon enough. Tonsils cure cancer!! Want to buy some? Too bad about your Rectocranial Inversion. Get well soon Too bad stupidity isn't painful. Too dumb to be crooked Too late, Pandora; the cat's out of the bag! Too many bells and whistles Too many pages make a tome. Too much love is dangerous Too much month at the end of the money. Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. Too often justice is incidental to law and order. Took an hour to bury the cat. Silly thing kept moving... Totally illogical, there was no chance. Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore... Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust. Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell. Trade ya' some MIPs for some MegaFlops! Transvestites enjoy mixed company....alone! Transvestites suffer from delusions of gender. Trapped between a rock and a hard-head! Trash drive C:? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine by me Travel important today; IRS men arrive tomorrow. Trees hit cars only in self-defence. Trekkies of the world, get a life. Tremble your way to Fitness... Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! Trespassers will be violated. Tried to call Phoenix, I misdialed FIJI Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes! Trombonists do it with better positions. Truck pulls: for people that can't understand wrestling Truck Pulls: for people who don't understand WWF. True Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! Trust in GOD, *and* tie your camel tight Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer. Trust me! I'll still respect you in the morning. Trust me, I'm a lawyer. Trust me, would I lie to you..... TWICE? Truth is MUCH stranger than fiction... Truth is the last thing folks want to hear. Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. Try Clarion for REAL database development!! Try it, you'll like it. Trust me. Try it. The most it can do is not work.. Try not to unnecessarily or excessively split infinitives Try this. I haven't tested it, but I think it will work. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo Try Your Best, Then Steal The Rest, .....Snipit TSR = Terminate Security Regime TSR's!!!!! Bah! Humbug! TSR=(T)rashes (S)ystem (R)andomly ú Tuba or not tuba? Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question! Tuna doesn't taste the same without the dolphin. tunes in the distance... Turbo Pascal for WINDOWS? Borland's betrayed me. Turbo Pascal my true speech pattern Turn down your air guitar. Turn it up!! Turn it up!!, Louder! Now I can't hear you! Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right! Turn the sucker over, and whack it! Turn your 486 into a Gameboy, type WIN at the C:\> prompt Turning floppies into hard drives. TV advertising is the rattling inside a swill bucket. TV is a crutch for those who lack imagination. TV is chewing gum for the eyes. Twas Brillig and the Slithy Toves... Twinkies have a half-life, but Velveeta is eternal Two dumbs; know too much, know too little!! Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom Boom. Two is company, three is an orgy. Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity Two of perfect virtue: one dead, the other yet unborn. Two peanuts went to New York. One was assaulted. Two percent of zero is almost nothing. Two seals fell off a cliff. Arf Arf Two things are universal--- Hydrogen & Stupidity Two writes don't make a novel! Two wrongs don't make a right, but they can make it even. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do! Two's company, three's the result! Typing all of your message in capitals is SHOUTING! Typographers rule, OQ Tyre Shop sign - We Skid You Not. T br¢n orm. U.S. Congressional Bank -- checks, no balances U.S. Department of Redundancy Department U.S. taxes 1930 = 13%, 1990 = 35% u=!worry && b[happy]; UART what UEAT! UART what you eat. UCLA UCLA UCLA Fight Fight Fight!!! Go Bruins! UFO's are real....The Air Force is swamp gas! UFOs are real! The US Air Force doesn't exist! Uh, MC, who'd WANNA touch that? Uh, yeah...I MEANT to do that! uh-ohhh... IT'S A FRIDAY!!!! Uhmmmmm, I forget what You were going to say? Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee machines! Ultimate oxymoron: "Cash Surplus" Ultimate Question Research Team ULTRA TOP SECRET MESSAGE, burn before reading! Unable to boot computer... Operator panicing. Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Processor Halted! Unable to locate iced tea -- Operator Halted! Unable to locate Mt.Dew.Com - Programmer halted! Unable to locate Pepsi -- Operator Halted! Unable to open , program halted Unattended children will be sold as slaves! Unbelief in one thing springs = blind belief in another. Unbreakable toys are good for breaking other toys. Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought. Undocumented Features will rule the EARTH! Unexpected laughter? Check your fly! Unify the world; be ZIP compatible! Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone. UNIX! Is that from AT&T? Or ... SATAN! UNIX... A manly sort of operating system! UNIX: Operating system for the vowel impaired. Unix? I can't even do ONE thing at once. Unknown to the Wicked Witch, the squirt gun was loaded. Unless to thought is added will, Apollo is an imbecile. Unless you can see black then white has no meaning Unless you got something better....Shutup! Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. UNRECOVERABLE USER ERROR - Terminating current user Unregistered Evaluation Copy Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool Upgraded my network last week. Yep, new Reeboks! Us, No Lights PLEEZE USAir = (U)nderwater (S)eating (A)vailable (I)n (R)ear. Use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment. Use Raid. Stops bugs dead! Use subdirectories; keep your FAT thin! Use undiluted Lint for clean programs. Use Windex On Your Windows Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake. Use your own judgement - - then do as I say... Used Car: Not what it is jacked up to be. Useless as windshield wipers on a duck's ass. uSER was seen where on Saturday? User Frienly, if you don't Use it - its Friendly! Users are *my* nightmare Users, losers -- what's the difference? Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight. Usually insane; in lucid moments merely stupid. Vaporware 3.2: The next best thing to the real thing! Variables won`t; constants aren`t; dummies can't. VD is nothing to clap about! Ve believe zat peace is at hand. Ve have vays of makink you obey zee rules on zia board! Vegetarians eat vegetables-Beware of humanitarians Vegetarians eat vegetables;I'm a humanitarian Vendi, Lurki, RIMEi... I came, I lurked, I RIMEd Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. Very good, Einstein, but next time show your work. Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Exploration Team: 1999-1955 Veterinarians drive like animals. vi - /usr/The /bin/editor /tmp/from /etc/hell! Vice Versa; Mafia controlled poetry... Vidi, Vici, Veni: I saw, I conquered, I came Viewscreen on Captain! It's Gilligans Is... Naw! Violence in reality is quite different from theory. Vios con dios! Virgin wool comes from ugly sheep. Virginity can be cured. Virginity is a disease that can be cured. Virtue is a relative term. Virtue is its own punishment. Virus detected on your HD. .transfer aborted Virus in the HD? who you gonna call? WORMBUSTERS Vivisection is a crime:unless you use a mime VLSI: "Getting High On Low Voltage" VM/CMS: Operating system for the scroll-phobic. void atexit("Jump in a lake!"); Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups. Volem missatges en catal…!!! Vote Bush for Ex-President Vote Libertarian! Vote with a bullet! Voters want a fraud they can believe in. Voyage of the Acolyte Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here Vulcans believe peace should not depend on force. Vulcans do not approve of violence. Vulcans have less fun. Vulcans never bluff. Vulcans worship peace above all. Vulgarity: The conduct of others. Vultures only fly with carrion luggage. VŒçšî¨!¨ Wî d™¥'t g™t ¥™ tŒ¥kŒ¥g vŒçšî!!! W*&t? I th^%k w% h@$% s%m# l&n$ n*&se. Wait! That's the FORBIDDEN dance! Wait! You have not been prepared! Wait, Don't Pick Up That phž÷{¹¦¼Å’¬ÇÐáøçðùüýõéÞÔœ WAITER! there's soup in my fly! Waiter, there are monsters in my transporter Barclay Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! - Kermit Waiting for somedough Waiting to overcome all objections, results in nothing. Wake up and smell the Kilrathi! - jrc Walk softly and carry a fully charged PHASER! Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser. Walk softly, and carry a photon missile launcher. Walls impede my progress. Walt Disney is in suspended animation. Wana know what they say about you, .....Hummm... Wanna buy that bus for my baby some day... Wanna giggle? Try (EDITOR=EDLIN !) in anything. Wanna try a network? The first call is free..... Want a jelly baby? Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything! Want to make your 486/33 run like an XT? Run Windows. Want to see my full scale model of the Earth? wanta' see me pull a rabbit outa' my hat?? Wanted - Man to wash dishes and two waitresses. Wanted: Volcano. Average size. Must be active. War is God's way of teaching us geography. War is never imperative. War isn't a good life, but it's life. WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst! WARNING! This message is contageous! WARNING... drinking tap water may kill your thirst! WARNING: < CHILD ON BOARD > þ Warning: Whimsical when bored Warning: Hard Disk Hazard Ahead! WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons! WARNING: Now entering Sleazegate's QC dept. Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth. WARNING: Programmer X-ing WARNING: The Surgeon General Started Smoking! Warp 5, Engage. No. NO! More Clutch, Data, More CLUTCH! Was it as good for you, as it was for me? Was Roy Rodgers a Trigger Happy Cowboy? Was Sigmund Freud the Wizard of Id? Was that an African or European swallow? Was this post supposed to be on-topic??? Was today really Necessary? Wasn't there a cliff around herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr¿ Wasting time is an important part of living. Watch it - You're trying my infinite patience Watch out for those offensive speed humps! Watch out! áeta tester at work... Watch your back - hot files coming through! Water + Malt + Hops + Yeast = Satisfaction Water Polo - a REAL contact sport Water wears the rock Watson, the game's afoot! Wave To Your Friends. Word To Your Mother... Wave to your neighbor, Word to your mother. We ain't slow, we just nap when we're sleepy! We all are vulnerable, in one way or another. We all do.The cave is deep in our memories. We all have our darker side. We need it... We all live in a yellow object method!!! We all live in a yellow sub-routine We apply ourselves to perfection of That. We are all related...relatively speaking We are always the same age inside. We are as made by God us, and often a great deal worse. We are having technical difficulties We are in bondage to the law so that we may be free. We are not a clone. We are not killers. We are Org. You will be assembled. Compiling is futile. We are ships that pass in the night. We are the knights who say NEEE!! We are the Nubs...beat it, you guys! We are the people our parents warned us about! We ARGO ing to get in trouble..... We ask advice but we mean approbation. We be 'jammin We believe men should fight their own battles. We can save the seals if we all club together. We come in peace, shoot to kill. We could jam in Joe's Garage... We deserve, and demand, truth, instead of posturing! We Disengaged ... We Turn The Page ... þ RUSH We do not colonize.We conquer. þ Rojan We do precision guesswork We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom... We don't have Sarcasm on our planet... We don't need no stinkin' patches! We faced a crisis in our earlier nuclear age. We fight only when there is no other choice. We found the wisdom not to destroy ourselves. We give nothing as willingly as our advice. We have dust bunnies for pets! We have here the latest in primitive technology. We have met the enemy, and he is BIG and HAIRY! We have met the enemy, and he is us. -Pogo We have met the enemy, and he's all yours! We have phasers; I vote we blast 'em! We have resumed control...we have resumed control... We have standards and expect you not to exceed them. We have the ANSWER? ..Now! What is the question? We have the right to survive! We humans have a streak of barbarism in us... We judge reality by the responses of our senses. We make our own fortunes and call them our fate. We must be GOVERNED by reason, not RULED by religion..wc We must believe in free will, we have no choice! We need love, admiration, worship, as you need food. We need more power! Can you give us any more?! We NEVER grow up, we just get older, and older, and ... We now return control of your brain ..CokeControl We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing. We now return you to...The Thread That Would Not Die We overcame our instinct for violence. We replaced THEIR coffee with Dilithium Crystals... We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here We Three! I walk with my shadow, I talk with my echo. We tortured the data until it confessed. We used to be Schizophrenic. We want YOU McDonnell Douglas!!! We want.........a SHRUBBERY! We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous. We wish you a Merry Syphilis and a Clappy New Year..... We'll all be glad when I figure this stuff out, eh? We'll burn that bridge when we come to it. We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God. We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force We'll remove any stain&sew up the hole -Laundram We'll take the stairs. We're as similar as two disimilar things in a pod. We're beaming down to the planet, sir. We're down to seeds and stems again! We're free people.We belong to no one. We're gonna need another Timmy! We're immortal, we gods. We're Lost! ... But we're making good time! We're lost, but we're making good time. We're off doing beta, the wonderful beta of oooz We've come a long way in five thousand years. We've each learned to be delighted with what we are. We've gone too far now, we can never go back! We've got to get there before the hammer falls. We've replaced the Dilithium with new Folger's Crystals! We've upped our standards...Now, Up Yours! Wear old clothes when you fight for truth and liberty. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Weather's here; wish you were beautiful. Websters: recursive. Adj. see recursive. Wedding: A funeral where you smell your own flowers. Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep. Welcome My Friend! Welcome To LaMachine! Welcome to last years meeting of the Procrastinators Club Welcome to My Electronic Blunderland Welcome to the only nice motel in town. Welfare and TV are today's bread and circuses. Well begun is half done. Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes Well I'll Be A Gun Of A Fish... Well I'm goin' where those chilly winds don't blow Well, it's got 'SOME' rat in it... Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken! Well, your raster disolved your bitmap..... Wench: what you use to turn the head of a dolt. What a day may bring, a day may take away. What a drag it is, getting old... What a long strange trip its been What a long, strange trip it's been! What a lovely world it is that has women in it! What a terrible way to die. There are no good ways. What alignment am I? Chaotic-confused! What am I doing here, anyway? What are friends for? - R.M. Nixon What are the instructions doing in the trash?? What are you doing?!? The message is over, GO AWAY! What Are You Looking For? There's Nothing's Here! What can you do for me? What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today. What color is a chameleon on a mirror? What could possibly go wrong. What did you get on your IQ test, drool? What do batteries run on? What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full! What do you call prostitutes' kids?... Brothel sprouts What Do You Expect To Find Down Here? What do you expect? This is California! What do you feed a Trojan horse? A latex lollipop! What do you mean that 2 years have passed?? What do you suppose gives Stephen King nightmares?? What does Keyboard Time expired meaªø What does this button do?... What does this red button do? What else can you do at 3:00am? What fools these morals be! What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. What goes around, comes abound What goes around, Humm, is usually a real DRIP! What goes in is not always what comes out!!! What goes up hs probably been doused with petrol. What good does it do an ass to be called a lion? What good grammar you got. What school you went? What grammar is to speech, logic is to reason. What Greenhouse Effect? Hey, is it warm in here or what? What GUI? I don't see anyone! What happened to my CUBBIES? What happened to the crewman? What happens when fish trip? What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A happy Rhodesian Ridgeback! What has four legs and an arm? A happy Pit Bull. What has reality ever done for ME?? What has reality ever done for ME?? It made misery real! What have I done to deserve all these kittens? What I need is to mind-meld with this mach. What if all this were real? What if Atlas shrugged? What if there were no hypothetical situations What is it like to feel pain? What is Kuwaits main product was Brocolli? What is learned in youth is understood in age. What is loneliness? What is man but that lofty spirit... What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? What is the IRS deduction for co-dependants? What is the meaning of life in 50 words or less What is the meaning of Life?, and Truth?, and DOS? What is the True meaning of DOS? What is the world to a man when his wife is a widow? What is WORK but yet another dirty four letter word What it is, is what it is What kind of cars do Proctologists drive? Ford Probes. What orators lack in depth they make up in length. What OTHER things can you put in fruitcake? What part of "NO" didn't you understand...? What problem are we trying to solve here? What results from using spot remover on your dog Spot? What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals. What the *HELL* is Fahrvergnugen? What the heck just happened here? What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. What UNIVERSE is this, please?? What we do not understand we do not possess. --Goethe-- What we DON'T need is more laws! What we have here is a failure to communicate. What we have here, is a NEED to communicate! What World Are You On? I'd Like To Visit Sometime. What youth deemed crystal, age finds was dew. What!!! ..... Me Recompile? What's 20,000 lawyers rotting in a swamp? A GOOD START! What's all this then? What's another word for Thesaurus? What's brown and sticky? A stick! What's home without Mom? Great place to take girls What's in a Name? What's Irish and stays out all night? Pati O'furniture. What's my blood type? ...FOLGERS! What's the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? What's this button do? Click! Poof!!# $ $%?ÿ What's worth doing is worth doing for money. What? Me Worry? WHAT??? Give up C:\> for silly ICONS? Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Whatever is well conceived can be well expressed. Whatever it is, I'm against it! - Groucho Marx WhatIAmIsWhatIAmAreYouWhatYouAreOrWhat? Whats the world coming to? A dead end... Whattaya mean I can't logon to an active Node? What`s tennis without a racket? When 911 won't work .357 will! When all else fails, call Forsberg at home! - Marv Conn When all else fails, lower your standards! When all else fails, read the directions. When all else fails, READ THE DOCS! When all else fails, read the instructions... When all else fails, read the manual. When all else fails, spend money! When all else fails, try Tequila... When all else fails, unZIP the .DOC files. When all else is lost, the future still remains. When all think alike, then no one is thinking. When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults. When choosing between two evils, select the newer one. When de eyes of Texas were upon her, where did they look? When DOS grows up it wants to be OS/2! When everyone thinks alike, then everyone is stupid. When guns are outlawed, how'll we kill liberals? When I Bite Into A York Peppermint Patty, When I feel athletic, I go to a sports bar. When I gave her the ring, she gave me the finger. When I have trouble writing fiction, I make it up. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. When I'm 70, I want to be named in a paternity suit. When in danger,when in doubt, run in circles,yell & shout When in doubt fire photons! When in Doubt READ THE DOC'S! When in doubt, be positive, mumble loud! When in doubt, do as the doubters do When in doubt, form a committee When in doubt, lead trump. When in doubt, mumble. When in doubt, press Ctrl-Alt-Del. when in doubt, sell it! When in doubt, think. When in doubt, worry. When in doubt; Cheat ! When in Rome . . . romance! When is a mouse a rat? When it eats memory! When it's all said and done, then he tells us... When Kip Compton is found, the check is in the.... When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. When men were men, and sheep were nervous.... When money speaks, truth keeps silent. When no wind blows, even the weather vane has character. When on a roll, should you be concerned or jelly-filled? When PIG's fly they will be called PIGeons When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns When the bad combine, the good must associate. When the chips are down, the buffalo's empty. When the going gets tough, everybody leaves. When The Going Gets Tough, UPGRADE! When the going gets tough... The tough go drinking. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. When the music played, I heard the sound I had to follow! When the snow melts, where does all the white go? When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw. When uncertain, or in doubt, run in circles and scream. When using PCs, ALWAYS anticipate problems. When we are not sure, we are alive. When we can't dream the time for death has arrived. When we do battle, it is only because we have no choice. When will i learn to leave well enough alone? When wine goes in, secrets come out. When you BARELY have time to call the very best! When you best have time to call the very only one other When you can't make it GOOD, make it BIG! When you come to a fork in the road, take it! When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal When you find anything that works, it usually fails. When you go to the market, use your eyes, not your ears. When you listen to fools, the MOB rules! When you see a snake, never mind where he came from. When you're really in doubt, press RESET. When your opponent is down, kick him. When your work SPEAKS for itself. .......Run Whenever Possible, Put People On Hold Where am I . . . and why am I in this handbasket? Where are those flashbacks they promised me? Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket? Where can I get one of those computer bats!! Where do honey bees go potty? At a BP station naturally. Where do I go now that I've gone too far? Where does the 'Buck' stop at Microrim? Where does the fire go when the fire goes out? Where ever Yugo, I go. Where I come from, size shape or color makes no differenc Where in the world is Sam "SLED" Wilmot? WHeRe is ThaT DArN ShIfT keY? Where law ends, there tyranny begins. Where oh where did my ANY key go,Where oh where can it be Where quality is just a word we like to use.ú Where the heck is Grant buried? Where the Hell is the "ANY" Key?! Where the laws do not operate, there is no reality Where the Taylors and the Pomeranians play.... Where there is a stink feces there is the odor of being. Where there is no shame, there is no honor. Where there's no emotion, there's no motive for violence. Where theres a will, theres bound to be inheritance tax! Where we operate at a 90ø angle to reality Where will YOU be during the "BIG ONE"? Where will YOU be when your laxative starts working? Where you've been means much less than where you're going Where'd all these damn indians come from? - George Custer Where's the "ANY KEY"? Where's the ANY key? Where's there's smoke, there's toast. Wheres the Beef? Wherever you go - there you are. Wherever Yugo, I go... Which is smarter, an Idiot or a moron? Which is the non-smoking lifeboat? Which way is up????? ARE YOU SURE!!! Which way to Castle Anthrax??... While (!cat) play (mouse); while (employed) { Tax = (day++ + dollar++;) } While the lunatic dreams the Earth changes. while(Computer_Science() == talk) fall_asleep(); Whip me, beat me, make me write bad software. Whips & chains? Sorry, that's a hardware problem. Whips and chains are only toys... White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relations. Who ate the last bowl of Corn Pops (TM)? Who decides who is a "REAL" programmer? Who ever heard of fertilizing hard-boiled eggs? Who glued the cup to the table? Who goes to psychiatrist should have his head examined Who has been fooling around with my computer? Who In The World Cares About Carmen Sandiego? Who invented SHORT people? Who invited all these tacky people? Who is John Galt? Who is this Waldron and why is he decompiling your code? Who is to guard the guards themselves? Who killed Laura Palmer???? Who knows? Who cares? Who votes? Who needs a virus? All you need is Windows Who needs rational when your toes curl up? Who protects us from the protectors? Who put the fly in Mrs. Murphy's chowder? Who says '1+1' REALLY equals '2'? WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! Who was the First of the Mohicans? Who watches the Watchmen? Who's The Scumbag That Siphoned The Blood Out Of My Cat!? Who's to bless and who's to blame? Who, what, when and with who? Whoever has the most when he dies... WINS! Whom gods would destroy, they first teach MS-DOS. Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach MS-DOS. Whoops, stepped on a frog. whose food is night, winter, and death. Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein. Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein. Why are love and relationships so confusing? Why are there NO blue M&Ms??? Why are there so many actors in this movie? Why are there so many gnarly limbs on my family tree? Why are you carrying that fish around? For the halibut... Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! Why ask why? Drink until you die. Why ask Why? Because it tastes like water? Why be a man when you can be a success? Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free? Why C++ and not ++C? Why can't we just spell it orderves? Why can't women put the toilet seat back up? Why can't women remember to put the toilet lid back up!? Why did CNN cancel that great "Desert Storm" show? Why DID kamikaze pilots wear helmets anyways?! Why did the Albanion working class revolt? Why do backups fail when you need them? Why do my fusion pistols keep exploding!? Why do pensioners have to eat catfood? Why do Red lights last longer than Green ones Why do they call'em "Apartments" if they're all together? Why do they put locks on the doors of 24 hour stores? Why do you park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway??? Why do you think they call it "find"? Why do your backups fail when you need them? Why does this guy use all these damned ellipses? Why Doesn't Ice Cream Have Any Bones??? Why don't chickens have lips? Why don't lawyers lay on the beach? Cats would bury them. Why don't we do it in the road? Why don't you sue your brains for non-support? Why experiment on animals with so many lawyers out there? Why get even, when you can get odd? Why in the world did God make Fords? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is Education well rounded instead of well defined? Why is it that no matter where you are, you're "here"? Why is that light %^&&& Why is the sun never overhead at noon? Why is there a watermelon on the bandsaw? Why isn't phonetically spelled that way? Why isn't there another word for thesaurus? Why ME? Why My Laughin' Sure Ain't Funny. Why not YOU? Why put off till tomorrow what you'll never do anyway? Why read it when you can print it? Why then do the Wicked Prosper? Why yes, I do know everything Why yes, they are Bugle Boy beans. Why you look so sad when the sky is perfect blue? Whˆrˆ hàˆ à³³ çhˆ Ÿ³•wˆrs wˆïç? WILDNET : If you're interested in something different. Wilimanakabeetsai! Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? -- K. Sirra Will Rogers never met a lawyer. Will that be cache or chkdsk? Will you come quietly, or shall I use ear plugs? Will you still respect me after we scan ³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³ William K. Smith:"Wait, my uncle Ted can drive you home." Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat Win Some Lose Some....But When Do I Win Some? WIN.INI? Let's see what the User's Guide says... Win3.1? For fast relief call 800-3-IBM-OS2. Window-screen: An arrangement for keeping flies in. Windows - the solution to a problem that didn't exist Windows 3.1 coming to the rescue! Wait for FedEx!!!!!!! Windows 3: From the people who brought you EDLIN! Windows Could Crash Even A Borg! Windows is a kolossal kludge. WINDOWS is to computing what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Windows isn't a virus: viruses do something! Windows isn't crippleware - It's "Fuctionally Challenged" WINDOWS MULTITASKS! (in a DesqView window) Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so... WINDOWS ON AN 8088 IS A REAL EXPERIENCE!! Windows open and let the bugs in. Windows open, let the bugs in. WINDOWS SUCKS!! Windows to 486/50 MHz CPU: Don't rush me, don't rush me.. WINDOWS you think they'll get it right? Windows!?! I want *UNIX*, not Windows! Windows' beauty is skin deep, OS/2's is down to the cpu. WINDOWS, Just say NO!!! Windows, the EDSEL of operating systems! Windows: The error to all answers. Windows: Veni, vidi, shelfi. WINDOWS: An overpriced way to eat up HD space WINDOWS: An Unrecoverable Acquition Error. Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN! Windows: From the people who brought you the 640K limit Windows: Just another pane in the glass. Windows: XT emulator for an AT Windows? We don't do Windows around here! Windows? HA! C:\WINDOWS. DELETE *.* AH! Thats Better Windows? Wha' dat? Windoze 3.1: The world's first 8 meg Solitaire game! Windoze: "HELP! I've crashed...AND I CAN'T BOOT UP!" Wine is fine, but whiskey's quicker. Wink's as good as a nudge.. to a blind bat. Winston Peters, a rebel without a caucus. Winter is nature's way of saying "Up Yours". Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. Wisdom of many and the wit of a half. Wish I had some idea of what I'm asking. :-! Wit is cultured insolence. Wit is the spice of conversation, not the food. Witch! Witch! They'll burn ya! With a calendar your days are numbered! With a face like that, you got nothin' to laugh about. With a mind like yours, who needs a body. With a name like SNAPPER it's gotta be good With all those balls, why isn't matzoh macho? With consequences, the unexpected always predominate. With foxes we must play the fox. With free advice, you get what you paid for With friends like these, who needs to hallucinate? With friends like you, who needs enemas. With fronds like you, who needs anenomes? Without fingers you cannot even thumb your nose. Without followers, evil cannot spread þ Spock Without freedom of choice there is no creativity. Without love and trust all you can be in life is alone. Without music, life would be a mistake. Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless Without Time Everything Would Happen At Once! Without waves there would be no change Wolfgang's Third Law: It can't work. Women - can't live with 'em and no resale value... Women and elephants never forget real or supposed injury. Women are like programs, smart men always keep a backup. Women do come with instructions, just ask them! Women get minks the same way minks get minks. Women over 40: no yell, no swell, just grateful as hell Women professionals do tend to over-compensate. Women take to good hearted men. Also from. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value. Women! Cant live with them, Cant live with them! WOMEN.ZIP - Great program! No docs. Women: They tend you, or they terrorize you. Won't work with ANY software. Won't work? Do you have a problem with that? Word Perfect Makes Perfect Sense WordPerfect isn't, Pagemaker doesn't, etc., etc., etc.... WORDperfect, LETTERperfect, what's next? BLANKperfect? Words and ideas are what change our world. Words are not food, though sometimes we must eat them. Words, 25› ea. Better quality words, 50› ea. Words, words, words. And no place to put them all! Worf, I need quiet. Beam Wesley into that star over there WORK HARDER!... Millions on welfare depend on YOU! Work is for people who can't Work is the curse of the partying classes! Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy Workshops are the bane of civilization. World coming to an end; your time adjusted for our event World Ends at 3pm; Film at 5 on WLKY Early News.... World ends today at 9:30pm! Film at 11:00... World's greatest Gif collector. Worry : The interest paid on trouble before it's due Worry is a human emotion. Worry is the interest paid on trouble in advance. Worst-case scenario. U may have to BUY it. Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe Would George be president if his name was Harry? Would I ask you a rhetorical question? Would it save some time if I gave up and went mad now? Wounded Knee: 100 years December 29, 1990. Wow! What a groove! It's a tropical paradise! Wow... Did you just see that USR go by?¨! WP Corp Support Can't Be Beat! WP for WIN will be a Winner! Write all complaints legibly in this space -> [] Write complaint legibly in this box: [] Writing to Washington won't help - he's dead! Wrong??? What could possibly go wrnog? WYPIWYG= What You Printed Is What You've Got wysi-won't ! WYTYSYDG - What you thought you saw, you didn't get. WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get. W×³œ‰ Ë× W™â(D Ñ–â¥$ Ñ×‚ $‡žˆW$ Â³G×Âˆ¤. Wî [0Mî ï ä€î. GVî –Ÿ ™šâ mM0ïŒŽ §© D‹î. XEROX never comes up with something original XGA users, it's time to upgrade. Ya want a stupid answer? Ask me anything! yawn error #30: CPU tired Yawn: The only time some men get to open their mouths. Yea, verily do many strange things come to be Yeah I Married Her, I Married The HELL Out Of Her. Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK? Yeah, I'm in the "Directory", but they missmelled my name Yep! you bet... What was that you said? Yer such a wild thang! Yes Captain. We have entered the Q(Edit) continuum. YES! I'm a trouble maker! YES!! eh, NO!!! oh, well MAYBE!!!!!!!! Yes, but are you SURE? Yes, I WAS wearing my seat belt! Yes, it is written.Good shall always destroy evil. Yes, it looks nice,..but I needed it LAST Christmas! Yes, the philosophy of 'nome,' meaning 'all.' Yes,the #$%#^*!?&# % thing works fine! Yes-men: Fellows who hang around the man nobody noes. Yesturday I kudknot spel engeneere now I r one. Yield to temptation..it may be your only chance! Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again! Yoicks and Away! Yoicks and Away! Yoicks and... You admit that? You ain't learning nothing when you're talking. You ain't seen nuttin' yet! You always swat where he's not, or if he is aha! a spot. You are cordially invited to go eat a frog!! You are HERE ----> ! <----- You are in a maze of twisty messages, all alike. You are not Morg. You are not Eymorg. You are only as good as everyone else thinks ! You are still half-savage -- but there is hope. You are what you read; or what you eat; or... You aren't here forever, Enjoy each day as a miracle. You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! You bloated sack of protoplasm! You buttered your bread, now lie in it. You can always find what you're not looking for. You can call me Hal, or you can call me Pal, or you... You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories. You can disagree without being disagreeable. You can have my sword when you pry it from my dead hands! You can have my two cents worth for free!! You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think. You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred. You can never have too much storage You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose You can pick your friends, but not your relatives. You can send me to college, but you can't make me think. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. You can't avoid a little ugliness... You can't be Batman to all the Robins of the world. You can't believe everything your hear. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. You can't do that. It's been digitally cursed. You can't eat your friends and have them too. You can't evaluate a man by logic alone. You can't get there from here. You can't have everything, where would you keep it? You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd... You can't simply say, "Today I will be brilliant." You can't step twice in the same river. You can't teach old dogs new tricks. You can't win, you can't break even, you can't even quit. You cannot be too careful in the choice of your enemies. You cannot fathom the consciousness of a leaf. You don't deserve it, but I'm glad it happened! You don't have a '486 yet?!?!? You don't understand something so you become fearful. You either believe in yourself or you don't. You ever notice how boogers don't smell? You examine any object; you question everything. You expect me to talk? No Mr. Bond I expect you to die! You Get Used To Those Things... yOU HAve OfFIcialLY eNTereD tHe PRepoStERous ZonE. You hit the nail right between the eyes. You humans are all alike. You know what they say about that... You know you're dieting when postage stamps taste good. You learn as much by writing as you do by reading. YOU look like an elephant! You lookin' at me? I don't see anyone else around.... You lose the beat, you lose the rhythm! You made my day, now you have to sleep in it You may be Southern -- but you're no Comfort. You might as well - I stole yours. You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance. You must know much before you know how little you know. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. You realize how short a month when you pay alimony. You said a mouseful! You sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? You send `em to school ... they eat the books. You should presently be able to deal from a full deck. You tell 'em Banana, You've been skinned. You tell 'em Bank, You're safe. You tell 'em Bean, He's stringing you. You tell 'em Brake, You've got the drag. You tell 'em Butcher, You've got a lot of tongue. You tell 'em cabbage, You've got the head. You tell 'em calendar, You've got lots of dates. You tell 'em Cashier, I'm a poor teller. You tell 'em Cat, That's what you're fur. You tell 'em Cemetery, You are so grave. You tell 'em Chloroform, You can put them to sleep. You tell 'em Church Bell, I told you. You tell 'em Cigarette, You're lit up. You tell 'em Clock, You've got the time. You tell 'em Cucumber, I've been pickled. You tell 'em Custard Pie, You've got the crust. You tell 'em Dentist, You've got the pull. You tell 'em Dictionary, You're full of information. You tell 'em Doctor, You've got the patience. You tell 'em Dough, You're well bred. You tell 'em Electricity, You can shock 'em. You tell 'em Envelope, You're well posted. You tell 'em Gambler, You've got winning ways. You tell 'em Goldfish, You've been around the globe. You tell 'em Hard-Boiled Egg, You're hard to beat. You tell 'em Horse, You carry a tale. You tell 'em Hunter, I'm game. You tell 'em June, And don't July. You tell 'em Manicurist, I've been trimmed. You tell 'em Moon, You're out all night. You tell 'em Mountain, I'm only a bluff. You tell 'em Operator, You've got their number. You tell 'em Owl, You're wise. You tell 'em Piano, You're upright and square. You tell 'em playing cards, You know the joker. You tell 'em Printer, I'm not your type. You tell 'em Railroad, It's not along my line. You tell 'em September Morn, No one has anything on you. You tell 'em Shoemaker, You know awl. You tell 'em Simon, I'll Legree. You tell 'em Skyscraper, You have more than one story. You tell 'em Submarine, I can't seaplane. You tell 'em teacher, You've got the class. You tell 'em, Bald Head, You're smooth. You threw out my WHAT? You tune a guitar but you can't tunafish. You want I should bop you with this here Lollipop?!? You want it when?? You want me to pay for bug fixes??? You wear a hat so you'll know which end to wipe! You wear suspenders and a bra...? You were expecting something cleaver here? :^) You WHAT?! You told my wife I said I was in total control You will never get any better if you don't push yourself. You [humans] are, after all, essentially irrational. You! What PLANET is this? You'll laugh, You'll cry, You'll kiss your money goodbye You'll learn something about men and women You'll like that a lot. You'll pay to know what you really think! You're built upside down. Your feet smell and your nose runs You're dead, Jim. You're from the planet Earth. You're never a loser until you quit trying. You're Never Alone With Schizophrenia. You're Never Too Old to be Stupid!!! You're only young once, but immature forever. You're only young once. You're immature forever. You're so brave to expose all those popsicle toes. You're The Reason They Made A Passing Lane To Begin With! You're twisted and perverted . I like that in a person. You're twisted and sick; I like that in a person! You'renotdrunkifyoudon't steponyourhandwalkingtoyourdoor You've been smoking that stuff again, uh? You've wasted an excellent opportunity to remain silent. Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn. Youngsters remember anything if it happened or not. Your $500,000 is in the mail. (Wait 14 days) Your brain: ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ, you brain on UNIX: )**&%^$^%$#&# Your cart just ran over my dogma Your cat just ran over my dog. Your computer does WHAT????!!! Your couch or mine?? Your ex just called....she's with the IRS now. Your feet have balls but not vice versa? Your foot, Your mouth, ....Go arrange a meeting. Your friendly neighborhood Atheist. Your lucky number has been disconnected. Your maleage may vary. Your car may not run. Your meaningless drivel has been noted. Your mother's gonna LOVE me! Your motherboard wears combat reboots.... Your punishment, Barbarella, is Tom Heydan! Your reality check just bounced. Your shoe is ringing. Your sin, was it of omission, commission, or emission? Your species is self-destructive. Your spelling checker,dont write Nome without it Your sweet words suck the morning dew off the honeysuckle Youth + confidence + myopia = naivete. Youth doesn't excuse everything. Youth is a disease from which we all hopefully recover! Youthful figure: What you get when asking a woman's age. Yow! Break dancing kung-fu demons! Too much! Yukon Fred's Pizzeria and Gator Pit Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within ZENOCIDE: The killing of ancient philosophers. [DISCLAIMER: my fingers are epiletic] [If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses] [sigh] Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be ... []<-Put all your complaints in this box. 10 line minimum! \WINDOWS. Del *.* ...AHHH That's better ! ^“^ <- Viking Tribble _ _ _ _ _ _ ////|||||||||||||| < domino effect at work. `:-| "Fascinating, Captain!" - Spock |||||//////__ __ __ __ __ The domino effect at work. ŽÀeüs àre îàÂiüg m árü -- ÕŒÀm at îÀeveü. ¨Como frijoles? Spanish for "How have you bean?" ¨lamron eb yhW ¨yas eh d'tahW. ¨mih raeh uoy diD ® ® ® nstitute of etter arketing ¯ ¯ ¯ ®®®®®Healthy, Wealthy and Wise--And I Like It¯¯¯¯¯ ¯ Everything is just chemistry! ® °°±±²² áâàï áœà¤kîë çí žâîvîüÑ ®áæâ¥-ï¯ ²²±±°° °±² This is no test - repeat, this is no test²±° °±²Û Family Bored? Try the Lunatic Fringe! Û²±° ±² Hammer Time again ! ²±° ²²²²²²²²²²<- Scratch here for prize ³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³ <- Will "Hooked on Phonics" teach this? Â× mä$$’g m„ëî ŸâøM 100% Ú€›ôˆë ä³‰‡ç©åï ÄÄÄwwÄøUøÄwwÄÄÄ Kilroy was here. ÄÄÄÍÍÍµ An Aardvark is not just for Christmas ÆÍÍÍÄÄÄ ÛÛ²²±±°° IN STEREO WHERE AVAILABLE °°±±²²ÛÛ ÛÜßÜßÜßÜßÜßÜßÛ I just got run over ÛßÜßÜßÜßÜßÜßÜß ÝÝÝÝ Don't panic.. it's only a virus ÝÝÝÝ àlpha testers do it first, áeta testers do it last! á late than never. áeta testers are CRAZY! ç™™ ÚÂ¿–€Ã¿ $îx ôôî›ç$ ™šr î˜î$¡gÃ¿ç.... èè temporary short between the headphones èè î:ÜþßþÜþßþÜþßþÜþßþÜ - A snake stalking a person. ð:ú) <--- Bart Simpson úDANGER DANGER Computer store ahead, hide wallet. ÿ