Some men are discovered; others are found out.
%%
Words must be weighed, not counted.
%%
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
%%
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
%%
Words are the voice of the heart.
%%
Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
%%
A king's castle is his home.
%%
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
%%
The universe is laughing behind your back.
%%
The best prophet of the future is the past.
%%
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
%%
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
%%
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
%%
Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love.
%%
Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.
%%
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
%%
Many pages make a thick book.
%%
t is to spend a quiet youth.
%%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
%%
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
%%
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
%%
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
%%
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
%%
To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
%%
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
%%
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
%%
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
%%
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
%%
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
%%
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
%%
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
%%
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
%%
When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
%%
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
%%
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
%%
How you look depends on where you go.
%%
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
%%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
%%
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
%%
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
%%
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
%%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%%
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
%%
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
%%
you have mail
%%
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
%%
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
%%
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
%%
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
%%
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
%%
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
%%
Today is the last day of your life so far.
%%
Flee at once, all is discovered.
%%
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
%%
Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
%%
Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
%%
God does not play dice.
%%
This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
%%
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
%%
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
%%
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
%%
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
%%
Disk crisis, please clean up!
%%
You auto buy now.
%%
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
%%
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
%%
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
%%
The early worm gets the bird.
%%
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
%%
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
%%
The future isn't what it used to be. (It never was.)
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
%%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Sam.
%%
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%%
It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
%%
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
%%
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
%%
Snow Day - stay home.
%%
Save gas, don't eat beans.
%%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%%
When in doubt, lead trump.
%%
23. ...  r-q1
%%
unix soit qui mal y pense
%%
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
%%
Honi soit la vache qui rit.
%%
Don't eat yellow snow.
%%
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
%%
Rotten wood can not be carved - Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)
%%
Quantity is no substitute for quality, but its the only one we've got.
%%
Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot.
%%
Oh, don't the days seem lank and long, when everything goes right and nothing goes wrong.
%%
Sailors in ships, sail on! Even while we died, others rode out the storm.
%%
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
%%
E = M * C ** 2
%%
Save The Whales !!!
%%
Nuke the Malls !!!
%%
Nuke the Whales !!!
%%
Remember the Alamo
%%
All that is necessary for EVIL to triumph, is that good men do nothing!!
%%
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance
%%
What is Your quest ?
%%
It is your Quest to find the Holy Grail.
%%
What is the Air-Speed Velocity of an African Swallow?
%%
The height of the golden rod in September is the depth of the snow in December.
%%
Never a borrower nor lender be, unless you intend to give it away or steal it.
%%
He laughs last laughs longest.
%%
Better than silver, Better than Gold, Better than treasures a thousand fold, is a healthy body and a mind at ease with simple pleasures that always please.
%%
There is a gold ship, a silver ship, but no ship like friendship.
%%
Dont't go kissn' by the garden gate, love may be blind but the nieghbors ain't.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, change your method!
%%
Think Snow
%%
Remember Billy Beer
%%
You can't judge a book by its cover.
%%
Patience is a virtue
%%
A bird in hand is worth two in the bush
%%
Please type in reverse polish notation
%%
Some like it hot, Some like it cold, Some like it in the pot, one Hundred days  Old.
%%
You can't cross a Chasm in two small leaps.
%%
Silence is golden.
%%
Once upon a time there was small shoe horn. It was lost in the wood.
%%
He who hates his brother because his brother hates him, is no better than his   brother.
%%
A picture is worth 1000 words.
%%
A word is worth 1000 grunts.
%%
An experience is worth 1000 pictures
%%
Buy American
%%
When logic fails, try intuition.
%%
When logic and Intuition both agree, you're probably right.
%%
When intuition fails, try logic.
%%
If both logic and intuition fail, try magic.
%%
aye aye captain.
%%
bleep, bleep, Kirk to Spock.
%%
scraaaaawk! pieces of eight, scraaaaawk! pieces of eight.
%%
Shiver me timbers ye scurvy dog. 
%%
Ye'll be 'anging by thee highest yardarm matie.
%%
On yer knees an swab the deck ya' landlubber.
%%
learn PASCAL, it's WIRTHwhile.
%%
SYNC or SWIM
%%
Don't beleive it, it's all magic
%%
A 1960's computer, Ram--a--rom--a--ram--a--romma-rom.
%%
HIGH RESOLUTION: A silly vow made on new years' eve.
%%
When verses are ryming, with perfect timing, a poem is formed, like two bells   chiming.   -tnuag
%%
Does the human brain have the power to understand itself?
%%
Treason Doth Not Prosper, what is the reason ? If it dith prosper, then none    dare call it Treason.
%%
I love N.Y.
%%
Nothing is more unequal than the equal treatment of unequals.
%%
Not the Swiftest nor the Smartest. He who is most persistent shall reap the     Greatest rewards.
%%
Not the Swiftest nor the most Persistent. He who is the Smartest shall reap the Greatest rewards.
%%
Not the Smartest nor the most Persistent. He who is the Swiftest shall reap the Greatest rewards.
%%
The Birds fly south in the fall, the birds fly north in the...
%%
The wind blows, a tree sways, an acorn falls, an ant is squashed.%%

%%
Miles and miles of ocean, as far as the eye can see. Blue. Water with a salty   taste and a salty smell. An abunance of life beneath. Waves of energy           transported to far away places. The sunrises, the sun sets, every day.          All alone on the small wind powered craft. Solitude. Fish for breakfast, lunch, Supper. Dry fruit for vitamin C supplement. Distilled ocean water for drink.    Tasteless. Many months pass, many months to pass. No woman. Ugh.  -tnaug%%

%%
The past, present and future. All existing together, every possible moment.     Our souls drawing a line though time, mapping the path of the cosmos. -tnaug
%%
Remember the golden rule, He who has the gold makes the rules.
%%
Semper Tibi Pendeat Hamus   -Virgil  (may your anchor never hang low)
%%
Gort Clatu Birada Nictoe    -The Day the Earth Stood Still
%%
Live Free or Die
%%
Anyone know another word for thesaurus ????
%%
Ever wonder where all the erasers for miniature golf pencils are ??             I've got them all !!!
%%
I love Iowa
%%
Came home to my apartment one day. Noticed that everything had been stolen      and replaced with an exact replica.
%%
If it came from the zoo it would have "Property of the Zoo" stamped on it!
%%
Oooooh my, Theres a penguin on top of the tele'.
%%
celibacy is not hereditary
%%
Berra's second law: Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked
%%
Murphys Paradox: Doing it the hard way is always easier.
%%
Join the army. Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people and kill them.
%%
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
%%
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
%%
Stupid people shouldn't breed.
%%
If you love someone set them free. if they don't come back hunt them            down and shoot them.
%%
A penny for your thoughts, twenty bucks to act them out.
%%
Reality is an illusion produced by an alcoholic deficiency.
%%
Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.
%%
Wake me for the weekend.
%%
Too bad ignorance isn't painful.
%%
If I were any lazier i'd slip into a coma.
%%
Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can i trust?
%%
You're never alone with a clone.
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth.
%%
I'm not arrogant, I'm just better than you.
%%
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
%%
I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
%%
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
%%
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
%%
There are very few personal problems that can't be solved by a suitable         application of high explosives.
%%
Some do, some don't, I might.
%%
No machine can replace me until it learns to drink.
%%
I drink to make other people more interesting!
%%
A surprise monetary windfall will be accompanied by an unexpected expense of thesame amount."
%%
Murphy's Natural law of screwdriver selection:                                   If you need a philips screwdriver you will have a regular and vice versa.
%%
"Moe, Larry, CHEESE! Moe, Larry, CHEESE!" -Curly Howard
%%
We're trapped like Rats!  Speak for your self porqupine.. "Twaaang, Bop"        Nyuk, Nyuk , Nyuk.
%%
If it weren't for obstacles, we'd never know whether we really want something    or merely think we do " - Evan Esar
%%
A man with one watch knows the time, a man with two is never sure.
%%
Make my day.
%%
Paradoxial definition of Paradox: A parodox is undefined by it's own definition.
%%
What is the probability of zero probability?
%%
A cellar is a hole in the ground that you try to keep water out of.                  -Old Maine proverb
%%
There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual         but indecision. ---William James
%%
What happens @ 9:10 ?
%%
There isn't much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it.   ----Kin Hubbard
%%
"Fickle?  His towels are monogrammed 'His' and 'Next'."
%%
"Persistent?  She'd have the last word with an echo."
%%
"Intelligent?  His train of thought never left the depot."
%%
Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done. - Louis D. Brandeis
%%
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
%%
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance then baffle 'em with bulshit.
%%
A palindrome: Red rum, sir, is murder.
%%
A palindrome: Madam I'm Adam
%%
A palindrome: Lew Otto has a hot towel
%%
A palindrome: Able was I ere I saw Elba
%%
A palindrome: A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
%%
A palindrome: Sit on a pan, Otis.
%%
A palindrome: Rats drown in Wordstar
%%
A palindrome: Rise to vote, Sir
%%
A palindrome: Evil I did dwell;  lewd did I live
%%
A palindrome: Egad, a base tone denotes a bad age
%%
A palindrome: Was it a car or a cat I saw
%%
A palindrome: Pull up if I pull up
%%
A palindrome: Ten animals I slam in a net
%%
A palindrome: Some men interpret nine memos
%%
A palindrome: Ma is as selfless as I am.
%%
A palindrome: Nurse, I spy gypsies! Run!
%%
A palindrome: He lived as a devil, eh?
%%
A palindrome: Niagara, O roar again!
%%
A palindrome: No evil Shahs live on.
%%
Glory is fleeting but obscurity is forever!
%%
Those who are willing to trade their liberty for safety will have neither.
%%
A republic Madam, if you can keep it.
%%
We do not choose our own parts in life, and have nothing to do with those parts. Our duty is confined to playing them well. Epictetus
%%
There is nothing wrong with making mistakes;  just don't respond with encores.
%%
Too much rest is rust. Sir Walter Scott
%%
Science is organized knowledge; wisdom is organized life. Immanuel Kant
%%
The way some people find fault you'd think there was a reward.
%%
Bear in mind that children af all ages have one thing in common --  they close their ears to advice and open their eyes to example.
%%
The little dissatisfaction which every artist feels at the completion of a work forms the germ of a new work. Berthold Auerbach
%%
Bad weather always looks much worse through a window. John Kieran
%%
People seldom improve when they have no other model but  themselves to copy after. Goldsmith
%%
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the  optimist has a better time on the trip. Daniel L. Reardon
%%
There is more to be felt and learned about the world and oneself in an half an hour's walk up a country hillside than in a flight around the earth at twice the speed of sound. Charles Yost
%%
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up with you. Dorothy Ballard
%%
It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. Peter Ustinov
%%
All the good maxims have been written. It only remains to put them in practice.  Blaise Pascal
%%
We're not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through. Peter De Vries
%%
It is difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame. R. S. Trapp
%%
Few things are hard to use in moderation as a comfortable chair. D. O. Flynn
%%
this is an empty line
%%
Congratulations!  You got the first fortune!
%%
# @(#)/usr/games/lib/fortunes	1.7 10/21/86 16:08:28 - Amdahl/UTS
%%
!085 lhadmA na edisni deppart m'I  !pleH
%%
"reproduces if added to its quotation." reproduces if added to its quotation.
%%
"AMDAC?" asked the disgruntled FE.
%%
"Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it."
%%
"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
%%
"But I don't like Spam!!!!"
%%
"But this is my sister's bike!"
%%
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying "Booga, Booga!"
%%
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying UTS is out to lunch!"
%%
"Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!"
%%
"Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud."
%%
"Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT."
%%
"He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words."
%%
"How are things?"
%%
"Just as they are."
%%
"I am the housekeeper!"
%%
"I don't know what you mean by YOUR way, all the ways about here belong to ME"
%%
"Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
%%
"If looks could kill it would've been us instead of him!"
%%
"Kernal" is not a word.  The correct spelling is "kernel".
%%
"MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that."
%%
"Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!"
%%
"Mind your own business, Spock.  I'm sick of your halfbreed interference."
%%
"Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!"
%%
"Oh!  I thought that was a parrot!".   "No, no... They turn that color."
%%
"That's user, u s r, and then there's a space ..."
%%
"There goes Bill!"
%%
"There's no such thing as gravity - the earth sucks."
%%
"There's nothing you can do that can't be done."  John Lennon
%%
"They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!"
%%
"To be, or not to be."--Hamlet   "Do-bee-do-bee-do."--Sinatra
%%
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!"
%%
"Wayne Newton is," he says, "an example of what America can be."
%%
"Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat!"
%%
"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
%%
"You mean I can send mail to myself?"
%%
"You mean you can't take less, it's very easy to take more than nothing."
%%
"He taught us drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils."
%%
"Dad, have you seen Blip? I can't find him anywhere!"
%%
$ egrep -n '^[a-z].*\\(' $@ | sort -t':' +2.0
%%
$ fortune
%%
$ rm -r $HOME
%%
'Has eighteen letters' does.
%%
'Home, Sweet Home' must surely have been written by a bachelor.
%%
(This fortune deleted due to painfully extreme insipidity.)
%%
* Unix is a Trademark of Bell Laboratories.
%%
/usr/news/gotcha
%%
1 bulls, 3 cows
%%
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
%%
186,000 miles per second -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
%%
23. ...  r-q1
%%
3000000 km/sec -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
%%
90% of everything is crud.
%%
: is not an identifier
%%
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun
%%
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
%%
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
%%
A beautiful woman will enrich your life soon.
%%
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
%%
A big mac, french fries and a large coke!
%%
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
%%
A bureaucrat is a politician with tenure.
%%
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster - it is an opportunity.
%%
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
%%
A company is known by the men it keeps.
%%
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
%%
A dead man cannot bite.
%%
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
%%
A fool and his honey are soon parted.
%%
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
%%
A gift of flour will soon be made to you.
%%
A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
%%
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
%%
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet.
%%
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
%%
A good reputation is more valuable than money.
%%
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.
%%
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
%%
A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never.
%%
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
%%
A harp is a nude piano.
%%
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
%%
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity
%%
A horse!  A horse!  My kingdom for a horse!
%%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
%%
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
%%
A king's castle is his home.
%%
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
%%
A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life.
%%
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist
%%
A lie in time saves nine.
%%
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
%%
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
%%
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
%%
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
%%
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
%%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%%
A man with 3 buttocks.
%%
A man with one watch knows what time it is--with two watches he is never sure.
%%
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
%%
A man, a plan, a canal.  Suez!
%%
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
%%
A misguided platypus will lay its eggs in your shorts.
%%
A moose once bit my sister.
%%
A muth once bit my sister.
%%
A noble choice, but first ...
%%
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
%%
A penny saved is ridiculous.
%%
A plucked goose does not lay golden eggs.
%%
A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
%%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%%
A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well.
%%
A relationship is like a shark.  It has to keep moving forward or it dies.
%%
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
%%
A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
%%
A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a clean desk.
%%
A snake lurks in the grass.
%%
A soft drink turneth away company.
%%
A stitch in time saves nine.
%%
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
%%
A theory is better than its explanation.
%%
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
%%
A violent man will die a violent death.
%%
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
%%
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
%%
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
%%
A well-known friend is a treasure.
%%
A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
%%
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
A word to the wise is enough.
%%
A writer must not shift your point of view.
%%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%%
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
%%
Above all things, reverence yourself.
%%
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
%%
Abstain from beans.
%%
Abstenence makes the heart grow fonder.
%%
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
%%
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
%%
Adding manpower to a late software project only makes it later.
%%
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
%%
Adolescence is that period of time between puberty and adultery.
%%
Advancement in position.
%%
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
%%
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
%%
Ahah!
%%
Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
%%
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
%%
Aleph sub alpha is the alpha'th aleph.
%%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
%%
All art is but imitation of nature.
%%
All art is quite useless.
%%
All diagnostics are fatal.
%%
All great discoveries are made by accident.
%%
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enter here.
%%
All in all it's just another brick in the wall...
%%
All is well that ends well.
%%
All laws are basically false.
%%
All machines are amplifiers.
%%
All men know the utility of useful things, but not know the utility of futility
%%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%%
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
%%
All trends towards Chaos.
%%
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
%%
Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
%%
Always cut the cards.
%%
Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
%%
Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
%%
Always pick on the correct idiom.
%%
Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
%%
Always tell a woman she's beautiful, especially if she isn't.
%%
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
%%
Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
%%
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.
%%
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
%%
America! the land of the Chrysler 440 cubic inch engine!
%%
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
%%
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
%%
An artist should be fit for the best society and kept out of it.
%%
An atom blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
%%
An honest God is the noblest work of man.
%%
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
%%
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
%%
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
%%
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
%%
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
%%
Anchovies?  You've got the wrong man!  I spell my name DANGER!  (click)
%%
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
%%
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
%%
And here's another clue for you all:  The walrus was Paul.
%%
And now for something completely different.
%%
And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut.
%%
And they're off!
%%
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
%%
Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/4 mile.
%%
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
%%
Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
%%
Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
%%
Any shrine is better than self-worship.
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
%%
Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.
%%
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
%%
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
%%
Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
%%
Anyone want a burger? It has cheese on both sides!
%%
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
%%
Anything is possible, unless it's not.
%%
Appearances often are deceiving.
%%
Are we not men?
%%
Are you a turtle?
%%
Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
%%
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
%%
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
%%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%%
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
%%
As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
%%
Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
%%
Autocracy is based on the theorem that one man is smarter than many.
%%
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
%%
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
%%
Avoid colloquial stuff.
%%
Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
%%
Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
%%
Avoid temporary variables.
%%
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF.
%%
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
%%
Avoid unnecessary branches.
%%
BASIC is to computer programming as "qwerty" is to typing.
%%
Baby... 	-- The Late Elvis Presley.
%%
Badness comes in waves.
%%
Be alert, the world needs more lerts.
%%
Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
%%
Be braver.  You cannot cross a chasm in two small jumps.
%%
Be careful what you wish, it might come true.
%%
Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.
%%
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
%%
Be careful!  Is it classified?
%%
Be careful, the last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease.
%%
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
%%
Be cheerful while you are alive.
%%
Be happy with the real pleasures in life.
%%
Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any.
%%
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
%%
Be security conscious - National defense is at stake.
%%
Be seeing you.
%%
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
%%
Be sure to treat your assumptions as though they are reality.
%%
Be valiant, but not too venturous.  Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
%%
Beam me up, Scotty!
%%
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
%%
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
%%
Beauty seldom recommends one to another.
%%
Because the wine remembers.
%%
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
%%
Been Transferred Lately?
%%
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
%%
Beggars should be no choosers.
%%
Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse.
%%
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
%%
Behind your back, your colleagues are talking about Jeckyl and Hyde.
%%
Being natural is simply a pose.
%%
Better late than never.
%%
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
%%
Better to send ten ambulances when they are not needed than one when it is.
%%
Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
%%
Between two evils, always pick the one you never tried before.
%%
Beware of Bigfoot!
%%
Beware of Geeks bearing grifts.
%%
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
%%
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
%%
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
%%
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
%%
Beware of geeks bearing graft.
%%
Beware of low flying butterflies.
%%
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
%%
Beware the legless man who teaches running.
%%
Beware the new TTY code!
%%
Beware the thirty-first of November.
%%
Big book, big bore.
%%
Bigamy is having one spouse too many.  Monogamy is the same.
%%
Biggest security gap - an open mouth.
%%
Biz is better.
%%
Blackberries are red when they are green.
%%
Blah.
%%
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inhibit the earth.
%%
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
%%
Bluegrass is not just a weed.
%%
Boycott Clockwork Peach.
%%
Brain fried -- Core dumped
%%
Buffalo is not just the name of an animal.
%%
Build a system even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
%%
Details 20 minutes from now on Action Central News, kids.
%%
Bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank: the big chunks rise to the top
%%
Business will be either better or worse.  --Calvin Coolidge
%%
Bus error -- Core dumped
%%
But Captain--the engines can't take this much longer!
%%
But I don't like Spam!
%%
But you shall not escape my iambics.
%%
Buy low, sell high.
%%
Buy!  Amdahl Stock to go up 100 points next week.
%%
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
%%
By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart.
%%
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
%%
By the yard, life is hard.  By the inch, it's a cinch.
%%
Bye Kids!
%%
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
%%
Californians are not without their faults.
%%
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
%%
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.
%%
Can you read a punched card, looking at the holes?
%%
Can you whistle 300 baud?
%%
Can you whistle a telephone number?
%%
Can't open /usr/lib/fortunes.
%%
Cannot fork -- try again.
%%
Cannot open /usr/games/lib/fortunes.
%%
Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.
%%
Carpe Diem.
%%
Celebrate Hannibal Day today.  Take an elephant to lunch.
%%
Celibacy is hereditary.
%%
Center meeting at 4 pm in 2C-543.
%%
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
%%
Charity begins at home.
%%
Charity:  a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
%%
Charm is a way of getting a "yes" without having asked any clear question.
%%
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
%%
Check again to make sure it's not loaded.
%%
Chicken Little was right.
%%
Children have more need of models than of critics.
%%
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
%%
Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.
%%
Classified material requires proper storage.
%%
Climate is what you expect.  Weather is what you get.
%%
Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
%%
Cogli l'attimo                                                                                                         ogli l'attimo.
%%
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
%%
Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
%%
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
%%
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
%%
Con 'sta pioggia e con 'sto vento chi e' che bssa a 'sto convento?
%%
Concentrate on security.
%%
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
%%
Confucious say: "I have no time for monks resisting the carnival"
%%
Confusion is always increasing in society.
%%
Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!
%%
Congratulations!  The pressure will stop soon.
%%
Congratulations!  You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
%%
Congratulations!  You are the 16,777,216th user to login to our system.
%%
Congratulations!  You have now used up another 250 hours of CPU time.
%%
COKE IS IT!
%%
Consider your reputation.  Try changing your name and moving to a new town.
%%
Continental Life. Why do you ask?
%%
Convention is the ruler of all.
%%
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
%%
Coastal access, next left.
%%
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs.
%%
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs
%%
Courage is grace under pressure.
%%
Courage is your greatest present need.
%%
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
%%
Create the impression that you have already reached your level of incompetence.
%%
Create your own opportunity.  Blackmail a senior executive.
%%
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
%%
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
%%
Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?
%%
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
%%
Cure the disease and kill the patient.
%%
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back.
%%
Cwm fjord-bank glyphs vext quiz.
%%
DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
%%
Darth Vadar!  Only you would be so bold.
%%
De-accession euphemisms.
%%
Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory rats.
%%
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
%%
Death:	to stop sinning suddenly.
%%
Decisions terminate panic.
%%
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
%%
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
%%
Democracy is based on the theorem that many men are smarter than one.
%%
Department meeting in 3 minutes.
%%
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
%%
Diagnostics can best be understood in the context of the source code.
%%
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
%%
Direct action produces direct reaction.
%%
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
%%
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.
%%
Disguise your feelings when you put your relatives on the plane for home.
%%
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
%%
Disk crisis, please clean up!
%%
Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue.
%%
Do not be overly suspicious where it is not warranted.
%%
Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say.
%%
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
%%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%%
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
%%
Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.
%%
Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.
%%
Do not learn the tricks of the trade--learn the trade.
%%
Do not lend money to a fiend.
%%
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
%%
Do not put statements in the negative form.
%%
Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.	(Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a))
%%
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
%%
Do not speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
%%
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
%%
Do not tell big lies.  Small ones can be just as effective.
%%
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
%%
Do you have a job?
%%
Do you have lysdexia?
%%
Do you know Montana?
%%
Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means?
%%
Doc, note, I dissent.  A fast never prevents a fatness.  I diet on cod.
%%
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
%%
Does your computer talk to you?
%%
Doing gets it done.
%%
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
%%
Don't I know you?
%%
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
%%
Don't blame me! I was dancing Friday night!
%%
Don't comment bad code -- rewrite it.
%%
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
%%
Don't crush that dwarf;  hand me the pliers.
%%
Don't despair -- your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
%%
Don't diddle code to make it faster -- find a better algorithm.
%%
Don't eat yellow snow.
%%
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
%%
Don't everyone thank me at once.
%%
Don't feed the bats tonight.
%%
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
%%
Don't gamble with security.
%%
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
%%
Don't give up, I'm proud of who you are.
%%
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
%%
Don't guess - check your security regulations.
%%
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
%%
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
%%
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder
%%
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
%%
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
%%
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
%%
Don't patch bad code-- rewrite it.
%%
Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
%%
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
%%
Don't read everything you believe.
%%
Don't shoot the pianist.
%%
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
%%
Don't stop at one bug.
%%
Don't sweat it, it's only ones and zeros.
%%
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.
%%
Don't use contractions in formal writing.
%%
Don't use no double negatives.
%%
Don't vote--it only encourages them!
%%
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
%%
Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job.
%%
Double!
%%
Down with ignurance!
%%
Draw from your fine command of language and say nothing.
%%
Draw your salary before spending it.
%%
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
%%
Drive defensively, buy a tank.
%%
Drop that pickle!
%%
Duck who fly upside down have quack up.
%%
Duty is what one expects from others.
%%
Each of us bears his own Hell.
%%
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
%%
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
%%
Economy makes men independent.
%%
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
%%
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
%%
Ekkie ekkie phatang zooboing!
%%
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
%%
Eloquence is logic on fire.
%%
Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
%%
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
%%
Enter your personal identification number.
%%
Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
%%
Errare umanum est.
%%
Eschew dialect, irregardless.
%%
Eschew obfuscation.
%%
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
%%
Eureka!
%%
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
%%
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
%%
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
%%
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
%%
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
%%
Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
%%
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
%%
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
%%
Ever help the person behind the counter with their terminal/computer?
%%
Ever shoot an elephant in your pajamas?
%%
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
%%
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
%%
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
%%
Every man has his price.  Every price has its man.
%%
Every man is as Heaven made him, and sometimes a great deal worse.
%%
Every purchase has its price.
%%
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
%%
Every solution breeds new problems.
%%
Every why hath a wherefore.
%%
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
%%
Everybody ought to have a friend.
%%
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
%%
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
%%
Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.
%%
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
%%
Everyone ought to have a maid.
%%
Everyone stopping by with unsought advice will see your mistake.
%%
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
%%
Everything goes wrong at once.
%%
Everything put together, falls apart, sooner or later.
%%
Everything should be transparent to the user.
%%
Everything takes longer than you think it will.
%%
Everything you know is wrong!
%%
Everything's coming up roses.
%%
Excreto ergo sum.
%%
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
%%
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
%%
Expansion means complexity, and complexity decays.
%%
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
%%
Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.
%%
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
%%
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
%%
Experiments should be reproducible.  They should all fail in the same way.
%%
Express an opinion, but send advice by freight.
%%
External Security:
%%
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
%%
Extreme good-naturedness borders on weakness of character.  Avoid it.
%%
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
%%
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
%%
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
%%
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
%%
Familiarity breeds attempt.
%%
Fancy gizmos don't work.
%%
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%%
Fast ship?  You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
%%
Fasten your seat belt.
%%
Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
%%
Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
%%
Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to tightness of schedule.
%%
Flee at once, all is discovered.
%%
Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it.
%%
For a good time, call (408) 555-1212.
%%
For adult education nothing beats children.
%%
For best results, squeeze from the bottom of the tube.
%%
For courage mounteth with occasion.
%%
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
%%
For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
%%
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
%%
For thee the wonder working earth puts forth sweet flowers.
%%
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
%%
Force has no place where there is need of skill.
%%
Fort Wayne is not the headquarters of F troop.
%%
fortune: cannot open /lib/games/fortunes
%%
fortune: not found
%%
Frankly, my dear Charlotte, I don't give a damn.
%%
Free the Indianapolis 500.
%%
Freedom is slavery.  Ignorance is strength.  War is peace.
%%
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
%%
Frisbee players are ultimate lovers.
%%
>From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
%%
>From uucp Mon Dec  3 21:05:46 1979
%%
Fudd's First Law:  "If you push something hard enough, it will fall over."
%%
Function reject.
%%
Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
%%
Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs.
%%
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
%%
Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art.
%%
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
%%
Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
%%
Get out the Crisco.
%%
Girl, bathing on Bikini, eyeing boy, finds boy eyeing bikini on bathing girl.
%%
Give big space to the festive dog that shall sport in the roadway.
%%
Give him an evasive answer.
%%
Give me a fish and I will eat today.  Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
%%
Give me all your lupins!
%%
Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
%%
Give up.
%%
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
%%
Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
%%
Go away, kid.  You bother me.
%%
Go away.
%%
Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
%%
Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!!!
%%
God does not play dice with the universe.
%%
God gives us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.
%%
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
%%
God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
%%
God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
%%
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the universal amphitheater.
%%
Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.
%%
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
%%
Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a good day.
%%
Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
%%
Hackers of the world, unite!
%%
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
%%
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
%%
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
%%
Happy feast of the pig.
%%
Harp not on that string.
%%
Haste maketh waste.
%%
Have no friends not equal to yourself.
%%
Have you ever received a Fax or a photocopy of a floppy?
%%
Have you ever shown a novice the "any" key? ... Was it the power switch?
%%
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?... Did it answer?
%%
Have you locked your file cabinet?
%%
Have you seen Quasimodo?  I had a hunch he was back.
%%
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
%%
Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.
%%
He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.
%%
He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.
%%
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
%%
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
%%
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
%%
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
%%
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
%%
He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
%%
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
%%
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
%%
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
%%
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
%%
He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
%%
He who cooks carrots and peas in same pot unsanitary.
%%
He who enters contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors.
%%
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
%%
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
%%
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish $ast.
%%
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
%%
He who hates vices hates mankind.
%%
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
%%
He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
%%
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
%%
He who knows others is wise.  He who knows himself is enlightened.
%%
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
%%
He who knows, does not speak.  He who speaks, does not know.
%%
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
%%
He who laughs, lasts.
%%
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
%%
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
%%
He who looks like his passport photo is not well enough to travel.
%%
He who reads many fortunes gets confused.
%%
He who slings mud loses ground.
%%
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
%%
He's a wild man. Get out of here.
%%
He's dead, Jim.
%%
Hell's broken loose.
%%
Hello! I'm Bounder of Adventure!
%%
Help!  I'm trapped inside an Amdahl 470!
%%
Help!  I'm trapped inside an Amdahl 580!
%%
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
%%
Here's looking at you, kid.
%%
Hi, kids!  Ed Barbera here!
%%
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
%%
His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
%%
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
%%
History is bunk.
%%
History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.
%%
Honesty's the best policy.
%%
Honi soit la vache qui rit.
%%
Honk if you love obscene gestures.
%%
Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
%%
Hope is a waking dream.
%%
Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
%%
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
%%
Houdini escaping from New Jersey!
%%
How about a little fire, scarecrow?
%%
How apt the poor are to be proud.
%%
How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?
%%
How can you work when the system's so crowded?
%%
How come we never talk anymore?
%%
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
%%
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
%%
How high I am  /  How much I see  /  How far I reach  /  Depends on me
%%
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
%%
How many weeks are there in a light year?
%%
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
%%
How untasteful can you get?
%%
How was Thomas J. Watson buried? 9 edge down.
%%
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
%%
How you look depends on where you go.
%%
Hyphenate between syllables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
%%
I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator.
%%
I am a man--nothing human is alien to me.
%%
I am looking for an honest man.
%%
I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.  Go back to work.
%%
I am not a crook.
%%
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
%%
I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
%%
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
%%
I can relate to that.
%%
I can't hear you.  There's a banana republic in my ear.
%%
I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
%%
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
%%
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no socks.
%%
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory.
%%
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
%%
I do desire we may be better strangers.
%%
I don't get no respect.
%%
I don't understand you anymore.
%%
I dote on his very absence.
%%
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
%%
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
%%
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
%%
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
%%
I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
%%
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
%%
I have no time for monks resisting the carnival.
%%
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
%%
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
%%
I kew a girl, she was a macho man.
%%
I know on which side my bread is buttered.
%%
I like it better in the dark.
%%
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
%%
I love treason but hate a traitor.
%%
I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
%%
I never did it that way before.
%%
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's ...
%%
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
%%
I suggest a new strategy, R2.  Let the Wookiee win.
%%
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
%%
I think we're in trouble.
%%
I think, therefore I am paid.
%%
I think, therefore I am.  I think.
%%
I will make you shorter by the head.
%%
I will never lie to you.
%%
I will not forget you.
%%
I wish they all could be California girls.
%%
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
%%
I wouldn't shoot him if I were you.  It will just make him mad.
%%
I would sooner be notorious than unknown.
%%
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to floss my cat.
%%
I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini.
%%
I'd love to, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
%%
I'd love to, but the President said he might drop in.
%%
I'd love to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
%%
I'd love to, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
%%
I'd love to, but It's my parakeet's bowling night.
%%
I'd love to, but It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm building a pig from a kit.
%%
I'd love to, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
%%
I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
%%
I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm in training to be a household pest.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
%%
I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm sandblasting my oven.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm worried about my vertical hold.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm being deported.
%%
I'd love to, but the grunion are running.
%%
I'd love to, but I'll be looking for a parking space.
%%
I'd love to, but my Millard Fillmore Fan Club meets then.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
%%
I'd love to, but I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
%%
I'd love to, but my plot to take over the world is thickening.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
%%
I'd love to, but I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
%%
I'd love to, but it's too close to the turn of the century.
%%
I'd love to, but I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
%%
I'd love to, but my subconscious says no.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
%%
I'd love to, but I left my body in my other clothes.
%%
I'd love to, but the last time I went, I never came back.
%%
I'd love to, but I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
%%
I'd love to, but none of my socks match.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
%%
I'd love to, but people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
%%
I'd love to, but I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
%%
I'd love to, but my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.
%%
I'd love to, but my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
%%
I'd love to, but I never go out on days that end in "Y".
%%
I'd love to, but my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm too young for that stuff.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
%%
I'd love to, but I have too much guilt.
%%
I'd love to, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
%%
I'd love to, but I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
%%
I'd love to, but I feel a song coming on.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.
%%
I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to bleach my hare.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
%%
I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are.
%%
I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to study for a blood test.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm going to be old someday.
%%
I'd love to, but I've been traded to Cincinnati.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.
%%
I'd love to, but my uncle escaped again.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
%%
I'd love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to jog my memory.
%%
I'd love to, but my palm reader advised against it.
%%
I'd love to, but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
%%
I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
%%
I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.
%%
I'd love to, but I have to sit up with a sick ant.
%%
I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut down.
%%
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
%%
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
%%
I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
%%
I'll burn my books.
%%
I'll never get off this planet.
%%
I'll tell ya, life aint easy for a boy named Sue!
%%
I'll turn over a new leaf.
%%
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
%%
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.
%%
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
%%
I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
%%
I'm in love with Susy...
%%
I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!
%%
I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator".
%%
I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am.
%%
I've been there.
%%
I've come for an argument!
%%
I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
%%
I've got a devil in me.
%%
I've got a very bad feeling about this.
%%
I've never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
%%
I've only got twelve cards.
%%
IOT trap -- core dumped
%%
Identify your visitor.
%%
Idleness is leisure gone to seed.
%%
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
%%
If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
%%
If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
%%
If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
%%
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
%%
If a string has one end, it has another.
%%
If a string has one end, it has an other.
%%
If a tool is put away when you're sure it won't be needed again, it will. Soon.
%%
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
%%
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
%%
If anything can go wrong, it will.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, give up.  No use being a damn fool.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
%%
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
%%
If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.
%%
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
%%
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
%%
If it happens, it must be possible.
%%
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
%%
If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
%%
If it looks easy, it's tough.  If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
%%
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
%%
If it wasn't so cool out today, it would be warmer.
%%
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
%%
If it works, don't fix it.
%%
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
%%
If more than one person is responsible for a bug, no one is at fault.
%%
If no one uses it, there's a reason.
%%
If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged.
%%
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
%%
If the facts do not conform to your theory, they must be disposed of.
%%
If the opposite of "pro" is "con", then what's the opposite of "progress"?
%%
If there is no wind, row.
%%
If things appear to be going well, you have overlooked something.
%%
If this is time-sharing, give me my share right now.  It's not time yet.
%%
If this were subjunctive, I'm in the wrong mood.
%%
If time heals all wounds, why does the belly button stay the same?
%%
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. Quit work and play!
%%
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
%%
If you continually give you will continually have.
%%
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
%%
If you do not change your direction, you may end where you are headed.
%%
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
%%
If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
%%
If you get angry at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or famous or both.
%%
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
%%
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
%%
If you look just close enough, you can see anything you want.
%%
If you make a mistake, you right it immediately to the best of your ability.
%%
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
%%
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
%%
If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.
%%
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
%%
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
%%
If you think this fortune is confusing, then change one pig.
%%
If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you see what happens today.
%%
If you treat people right they will treat you right; 90 per cent of the time.
%%
If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
%%
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
%%
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
%%
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
%%
If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it.
%%
If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.
%%
If your bread is stale, make toast.
%%
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
%%
Ignore previous fortune.
%%
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
%%
In a crisis, you will choose the worst possible course of action.
%%
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater confusion.
%%
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
%%
In any human endeavor, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.
%%
In charity there is no excess.
%%
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
%%
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
%%
In my end is my beginning.
%%
In order to be, never try to seem.
%%
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
%%
In this fortune, the concluding three words 'were left out'.
%%
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
%%
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
%%
Information is the inverse of entropy.
%%
Insert your card magnetic stripe down.
%%
Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
%%
Inside every large problem, there is a small problem trying to get out.
%%
Institute: An archaic school where football in not taught.
%%
Integrity has no need for rules.
%%
Internal consistency is valued more than efficient service.
%%
Is it a game of chance?  Not the way I play it.
%%
Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know?
%%
Is this a machine?  I don't talk to machines!  [Click]
%%
Is this really happening?
%%
It could be worse--it might be raining.
%%
It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
%%
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
%%
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
%%
It is always the partner's fault.
%%
It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
%%
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
%%
It is better to be deceived by a friend, than to suspect him.
%%
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
%%
It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
%%
It is better to have men ask why you have no statue, than why you have one.
%%
It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
%%
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
%%
It is difficult to prophesy, especially about the future.
%%
It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.
%%
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
%%
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
%%
It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
%%
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
%%
It is hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
%%
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do
%%
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
%%
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
%%
It is later than you think.
%%
It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
%%
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
%%
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
%%
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
%%
It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
%%
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.
%%
It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.
%%
It is the wise bird that builds its nest in a tree.
%%
It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.
%%
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.
%%
It just goes to show you, its always something.
%%
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
%%
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
%%
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
%%
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
%%
It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
%%
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
%%
It won't work.
%%
It works better if you plug it in.
%%
Italians do it better!
%%
It'll be just like Beggars Canyon back home.
%%
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
%%
It's all in the mind, ya know.
%%
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
%%
It's clever, but is it art?
%%
It's funny. You come some place new and everything looks the same.
%%
It's later than you think.
%%
It's not easy having a good time; even smiling makes my face ache.
%%
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.
%%
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
%%
It's running like a scalded dog!
%%
It's six o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your terminal to explode.
%%
It's smart to pick your friends - but not to pieces.
%%
It's smart to pick your friends - but not your nose.
%%
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
%%
Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.
%%
Sorry, computer foul-up!
%%
Jimmy Hoffa--please call home.
%%
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
%%
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
%%
Just to have it is enough.
%%
Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
%%
Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
%%
Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o'Sunday.
%%
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
%%
Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
%%
Kix are for trids.
%%
Klaatu barada nikto.
%%
Knowledge is good.
%%
Knowledge is power.
%%
Knowledge without common sense is folly.
%%
LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.
%%
LOGIN PROCEEDING. LOGIN PROCEEDING.
%%
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.
%%
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
%%
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
%%
Law stands mute in the midst of arms.
%%
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
%%
Lead on, MacDuff!
%%
Learn to pause--or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
%%
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
%%
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
%%
Leave no stone unturned.
%%
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
%%
Lemon curry ?!?
%%
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
%%
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
%%
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
%%
Let me see what happen when you roll your face on the keyboard.
%%
Let me take you a buttonhole lower.
%%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
%%
Let the machine do the dirty work.
%%
Let's do the Time Warp again!
%%
Let's go get a pizza!
%%
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
%%
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
%%
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
%%
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
%%
Life is like an onion--you peel off layer after layer, and find nothing in it.
%%
Life is one long struggle in the dark.
%%
Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
%%
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
%%
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
%%
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
%%
Live in the past and future only.
%%
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
%%
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells AWFUL.
%%
Lonely is a man without love.
%%
Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
%%
Long life is in store for you.
%%
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
%%
Look after the molehills and the mountains will take care of themselves.
%%
Look ere ye leap.
%%
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
%%
Look, Muth tracks!
%%
Look, sir! 'droids!
%%
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
%%
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
%%
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
%%
Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.
%%
Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.
%%
Love is in the offing.	Be affectionate to one who adores you.
%%
Love is sentimental measles.
%%
Love the sea?  I dote upon it - from the beach.
%%
Love thy neighbor.  Tune thy piano.
%%
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
%%
Machines should work; people should think.
%%
Make a wish, it might come true.
%%
Make input easy to proofread
%%
Make it right before you make it faster.
%%
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
%%
Make sure comments and code agree.
%%
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
%%
Make three consecutive correct guesses and you will be considered an expert.
%%
Man and wife make one fool.
%%
Man is by nature a political animal.
%%
Man who bites bread or eats peas with knife is lost creature.
%%
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
%%
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
%%
Man will never fly.  Space travel is merely a dream.  All aspirin is alike.
%%
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
%%
Many a family tree needs trimming.
%%
Many a yo-yo think he have the world on a string.
%%
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
%%
Many are called, few volunteer.
%%
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
%%
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
%%
Many hands make light work.
%%
Many pages make a crowded castle.
%%
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles on very thin paper.
%%
Many pages make a thick book.
%%
Many people are unenthusiastic about their work.
%%
Many people are unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
Many receive advice, few profit by it.
%%
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
%%
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth.
%%
Marry not a tennis player.  For love means nothing to them.
%%
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
%%
Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.
%%
Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.
%%
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
%%
Max, as a unary function, isn't very interesting.
%%
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
%%
May you live in uninteresting times.
%%
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
%%
Meditation is not what you think.
%%
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
%%
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
%%
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
%%
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
%%
Mind your own business, Spock.	I'm sick of your half-breed interference.
%%
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
%%
Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.
%%
Misfortune.
%%
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
%%
Moderation in all things.
%%
Moderation in all things, and moderation is the first to go.
%%
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
%%
Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
%%
Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs roots.
%%
Money is the root of all wealth.
%%
Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love.
%%
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
%%
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
%%
Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.
%%
Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
%%
Multics is security spelled sideways.
%%
Mum's the word.
%%
Mumble.
%%
Murphy was an optimist.
%%
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
%%
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
%%
My Karma ran over my dogma.
%%
My brain hurts!
%%
My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
%%
My dog has no nose.
%%
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.
%%
My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
%%
Nanu nanu!
%%
National security is in your hands - guard it well.
%%
Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
%%
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
%%
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.
%%
Necessity has no law.
%%
Necessity is the mother of invention.
%%
Neestiko arkoudi dhen horevee.
%%
Negative expectations yield negative results.
%%
Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
%%
Never argue with a fool.  People might not know the difference.
%%
Never argue with anyone who buys ink by the gallon.
%%
Never ask a question unless the answer makes a difference.
%%
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
%%
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
%%
Never drink from your finger bowl--it contains only water.
%%
Never eat at a place called Mom's.
%%
Never eat in a place with sliding doors unless you're crazy about raw fish.
%%
Never give a gun to ducks.
%%
Never give an inch!
%%
Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.
%%
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
%%
Never play cards with a man called Doc.
%%
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
%%
Never promise more than you can perform.
%%
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.
%%
Never replace a successful experiment.
%%
Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!"
%%
Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
%%
Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
%%
Never take a drink when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
%%
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
%%
Never throw a bird at a dragon.
%%
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and bothers the pig.
%%
Never underestimate a woman.
%%
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
%%
Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb.
%%
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
%%
New UNIX/TS manuals available in 2F-101.
%%
Next Wednesday you will be presented with a great opportunity.
%%
Nice guys get sick.
%%
Nihilism doesn't exist.
%%
No analysis is a complete failure - it can always serve as a bad example.
%%
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
%%
No directory.
%%
No experiment is reproducible.
%%
No it isn't!
%%
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.
%%
No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory
%%
No one becomes depraved in a moment.
%%
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
%%
No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
%%
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
%%
No one knows what he can do till he tries.
%%
No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
%%
No one within an organization really knows what's going on.
%%
No poems can please nor live long that are written by water drinkers.
%%
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
%%
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
%%
No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
%%
No sentence fragments.
%%
No sooner said than done--so acts your man of worth.
%%
No writer's life understands that he's working when he's staring out the window
%%
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
%%
Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
%%
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
%%
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
%%
Not all who own a harp are harpers.
%%
Not now, Kato.
%%
Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.
%%
Nothing astonishes man so much as common sense and plain dealing.
%%
Nothing endures but change.
%%
Nothing ever goes away.
%%
Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
%%
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
%%
Nothing is but what is not.
%%
Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
%%
Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
%%
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.
%%
Nothing is skinnier than nothing.
%%
Nothing is so firmly believed as which is least known.
%%
Nothing succeeds like excess.
%%
Nothing will ever happen to you.
%%
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature.
%%
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
%%
     Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck! [POP!] Oooooooh, a wise guy!
%%
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
%%
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
%%
Oh my!	Another kludge!
%%
Oh this age!  How tasteless and ill-bred it is.
%%
Oh wearisome condition of humanity!  Born under one law, to another bound.
%%
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
%%
Oh, Nicky, you're such a tool.
%%
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
%%
Old age is the harbor of all ills.
%%
Old men give good advice when they are no longer able to provide bad examples.
%%
Old programmers never die, they just become managers.
%%
Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.
%%
Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
%%
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
%%
On the way to the corner, a dropped tool will land on your foot.
%%
Once a can of worms is opened, the only way to recan them is in a bigger can.
%%
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
%%
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
%%
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
%%
One Bell System - it sometimes works.
%%
One Bell System - it works.
%%
One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.
%%
One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.
%%
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
%%
One funged curve is worth a thousand weasel words.
%%
One good turn deserves another.
%%
One good turn gets the whole blanket.
%%
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
%%
One picture is worth a thousand words.	See diagram below.
%%
One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.
%%
One will not have needed the future perfect in one's entire life.
%%
One of it's legs is both the same.
%%
One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.
%%
Only a fool has no doubts.
%%
Only fools are quoted.
%%
Only those with nothing to be sorry for smile back at the rear of an elephant.
%%
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings
%%
Optimist is person who thinks he can break up traffic jam by blowing horn.
%%
Oregonians don't tan, they rust.
%%
Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
%%
Our swords shall play the orators for us.
%%
Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated.
%%
Omak:
%%
P-K4.
%%
PLEASE LOG OFF!.... NOW ! ! !
%%
PURGE COMPLETE.
%%
Palindrome isn't one.
%%
Panic: can't find  rm -rf *
%%
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.
%%
Parsley is gharsley.
%%
Password:
%%
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
%%
Patch griefs with proverbs.
%%
Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
%%
Pause for storage relocation.
%%
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtains.
%%
Peanut butter.
%%
People humiliating a salami!
%%
People smart enough to give good advice are usually smart enough to give none.
%%
People who are grateful are usually good.
%%
People who can least afford to pay rent pay rent.
%%
People who can most afford to pay rent build equity.
%%
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
%%
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
%%
People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.
%%
People with no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them
%%
Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle that they burned Rome.
%%
Peters hungry, time to eat lunch.
%%
Phasors locked on target, Captain.
%%
Philadelphia just seems dull because it's next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
%%
Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
%%
Phone call for cbh.
%%
Pipe gives wise man time to think and fool something to stick in mouth.
%%
Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
%%
Please do not shoot the pianist.  He is doing his best.
%%
Please go away.
%%
Please take cash.
%%
Please update your programs.
%%
Positive expectations yield negative results.
%%
Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
%%
Power is poison.
%%
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
%%
Practice yourself what you preach.
%%
Praise the sea; on shore remain.
%%
Preserve the old, but know the new.
%%
Pressure is the normal force acting upon an engineer.
%%
Prevent security leaks.
%%
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
%%
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
%%
Pronounce your prepositions, damn it!
%%
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
%%
Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.
%%
Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.
%%
Prototype designs always work.
%%
Pssst.	The root password is 'kumquat'.
%%
Public schools are the nurseries of all vice and immorality.
%%
Pull yourself together; things are not all that bad.
%%
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the T.V. screen.
%%
Put 'em in the trunk.
%%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
%%
Put people on hold when possible.
%%
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
%%
Put your genius into your life.  Put only your talent into your work.
%%
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
%%
Quack!
%%
Quando il gioco si fa duro, i duri cominciano a giocare.
%%
Quantity is no substitute for quality, but its the only one we've got.
%%
Quit looking at fortunes and get back to work!
%%
Quit work and play for once!
%%
RTFM
%%
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
%%
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
%%
Rank has its privileges.
%%
Read your Amdahl Business Practices.
%%
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
%%
Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience.
%%
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
%%
Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
%%
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
%%
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
%%
Reality--what a concept!
%%
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
%%
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
%%
Rehumanize yourself!
%%
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
%%
Remember the Alamo.
%%
Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
%%
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
%%
Remember, Unix on some machines is nUxi.
%%
Remembering is for those who have forgotten.
%%
Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
%%
Reputation is what others are not thinking about you.
%%
Research is to see what everyone else has, and then think what no one else has.
%%
Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
%%
Resist everything but temptation.
%%
Rest assured that your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
%%
Retribution will be yours.
%%
Riches cover a multitude of woes.
%%
Rome was not built in one day.
%%
Rotten wood cannot be carved - Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)
%%
Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish.
%%
Run away!
%%
SEMPER UBI SUB UBI !!!!
%%
Safety is better than the wrong answer.
%%
Salary is no object: strive only to keep body and soul apart.
%%
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
%%
Satire is what closes in New Haven.
%%
Save gas, don't eat beans.
%%
Save gas, don't use the shell.
%%
Save yourself!	Reboot in 5 seconds!
%%
Say the secret woid and the duck is yours.
%%
Say the secret word and you win $100.
%%
Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
%%
Sculpture: mud pies that endure.
%%
Sears has everything.
%%
Second-rate people hire third-rate people.
%%
Security is the individual's responsibility.
%%
Security is your responsibility.
%%
Seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.
%%
Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!
%%
Sell short.
%%
Set the cart before the horse.
%%
Sex causes cancer.  We'd wipe out cancer in one generation if no one had sex.
%%
Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.
%%
Sex is not the answer.	Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the answer.
%%
She may very well pass for forty-three in the dusk with a light behind her.
%%
She just, turns around and disappear. I kinda like that style.
%%
She loves you as much as she can, which is not very much.
%%
She sells cshs by the cshore.
%%
She who hesitates is won.
%%
Sheep are best!
%%
Shift to the left!  Shift to the right!  Pop up, push down!  Byte, byte, byte!
%%
Shine on, you crazy diamond!
%%
Short circuits got no reason to live.
%%
Show respect for age.  Drink good scotch for a change.
%%
Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
%%
Show your appreciation for your lover with a surprise small gift.
%%
Shower the people you love with your love.
%%
Shower with the people you love.
%%
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
%%
Sign on bank:  "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
%%
Sign up now for the summarizing Proust competition!
%%
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.
%%
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
%%
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!
%%
Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.
%%
Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work
%%
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
%%
Small things make base men proud.
%%
Smile!	You're on Candid Camera.
%%
Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
%%
Smoke no peaches.
%%
Snow Day - stay home.
%%
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that go away if ignored long enough.
%%
So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.
%%
So you're back.
%%
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
%%
Society is a mule, not a car; if pressed harder, it will kick and throw you off
%%
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
%%
Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
%%
Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing.
%%
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
%%
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
%%
Somehow, somewhere along the line, this town lost its pride.
%%
Someone close to you is taking advantage of your trust.
%%
Someone is speaking well of you.
%%
Someone is speaking well of you.  How unusual!
%%
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
%%
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
%%
Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.
%%
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
%%
Sorry, no fortune this time.
%%
Sorry.	Nice try.
%%
Sorry.
%%
Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
%%
Spock:	We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%%
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
%%
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
%%
State Farm?  Guard dogs?
%%
Statistics are no substitute for judgement.
%%
Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts--for support, not illumination.
%%
Stay away from flying saucers today.
%%
Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
%%
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
%%
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
%%
Strike while the iron is hot.
%%
Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.
%%
Success is a journey, not a destination.
%%
Succumb to natural tendencies.	Be hateful and boring.
%%
Supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence.
%%
Support your local church.  Worship at Bank of America.
%%
Surly grammarians insist that all words ending in "ly" are adverbs.
%%
Survival of the species is everyone's business.
%%
Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
%%
Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.
%%
System checkpoint complete.
%%
System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
%%
System maintenance about to begin.
%%
System restarting, wait.
%%
Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.
%%
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
%%
Tact is the unsaid part of what you're thinking.
%%
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
%%
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.
%%
Take what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
%%
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
%%
Talkers are no good doers.
%%
Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.
%%
Tanstaafl.
%%
Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government.
%%
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
%%
That is a two part question ...
%%
That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
%%
That that is is not that that is not.
%%
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
%%
That's like fluffing the pillows on the Titanic
%%
That's what she said.
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Air Force doesn't.
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Navy doesn't.
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Army doesn't.
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Marines don't.
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Coast Guard doesn't.
%%
The Bozos are coming.
%%
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
%%
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
%%
The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.
%%
The adverb always follows the verb.
%%
The amount of work done varies inversely with the time spent in the office.
%%
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
%%
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
%%
The best prophet of the future is the past.
%%
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
%%
The better part of valor is discretion.
%%
The bigger the theory, the better.
%%
The brain works from the moment of birth until you stand up to speak in public.
%%
The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
%%
The coast was clear.
%%
The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
%%
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
%%
The descent to Hades is the same from every place.
%%
The die is cast.
%%
The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
%%
The disks are getting full; purge a file today.
%%
The door is the key.
%%
The early worm gets the bird.
%%
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
%%
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
%%
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
%%
The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.
%%
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
%%
The first myth of management is that it exists.
%%
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
%%
The following statement is not true:
%%
The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
%%
The future is bright in affairs of the heart.
%%
The future is not what it used to be. (It never was.)
%%
The future lies ahead.
%%
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
%%
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
%%
The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
%%
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
%%
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
%%
The hand that kindles cannot quench the flame.
%%
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
%%
The honeymoon is that short period of doting between dating and debting.
%%
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
%%
The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.
%%
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
%%
The ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
%%
The last person who said that, God rest his soul, lived to regret it.
%%
The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.
%%
The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
%%
The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
%%
The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.
%%
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
%%
The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
%%
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
%%
The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.
%%
The man who runs may fight again.
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth.  They are too weak to refuse.
%%
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
%%
The moon is made of green cheese.
%%
The more the merrier.
%%
The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
%%
The most harmful error has not yet been discovered in your program.
%%
The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
%%
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
%%
The next six days are dangerous.
%%
The obvious answer is always overlooked.
%%
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
%%
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
%%
The only thing constant is change.
%%
The only thing funnier than how things don't work out, is how they do.
%%
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
%%
The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're done
%%
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
%%
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
%%
The other line moves faster.
%%
The pen is mightier than the pencil.
%%
The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
%%
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
%%
The plural of spouse is spice.
%%
The price of greatness is responsibility.
%%
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
%%
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
%%
The ripest fruit falls first.
%%
The road to Hades is easy to travel.
%%
The road to hell is paved with NAND gates.
%%
The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
%%
The show ain't over 'till the fat lady sings.
%%
The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
%%
The smoker you drink, the player you get.
%%
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
%%
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
%%
The star of riches is shining upon you.
%%
The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
%%
The time is right to make new friends.
%%
The two great tragedies in life: not getting what one wants and getting it.
%%
The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang.
%%
The universe is laughing behind your back.
%%
The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
%%
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
%%
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
%%
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
%%
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
%%
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
%%
The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
%%
The world isn't worse.  It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
%%
The world wants to be deceived.
%%
The worst form of failure is the failure to try.
%%
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
%%
Then you must be Don Francisco's sister!
%%
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
%%
There are fortunes that mention the word 'umbrella' for no apparent reason.
%%
There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual labor.
%%
There are more horses' asses in this world than there are horses.
%%
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
%%
There are more ways into the woods than out.
%%
There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.
%%
There are no giant crabs in here, Frank.
%%
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet.  Two clarinets.
%%
There is a bear following you around.
%%
There is a fly on your Dimension!
%%
There is always an easier way to do it.
%%
There is always one more bug.
%%
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
%%
There is always something new out of Africa.
%%
There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.
%%
There is an exception to all laws.
%%
There is an exception to every rule.
%%
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
%%
There is danger in delaying, good fortune in acting.
%%
There is life after death: in Cleveland, people are still allowed to vote.
%%
There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.
%%
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
%%
There is news.
%%
There is no "A" in "KERNEL"!
%%
There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk.
%%
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
%%
There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften.
%%
There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
%%
There is no royal road to geometry.
%%
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
%%
There is no security on this earth.  There is only opportunity.
%%
There is no such thing as a little garlic.
%%
There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
%%
There is no time like the pleasant.
%%
There is no time like the present to postpone what you ought to be doing.
%%
There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.
%%
There is nothing so easy that it becomes difficult when done with reluctance.
%%
There is only one way to kill capitalism--by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
%%
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
%%
There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us.
%%
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
%%
There's an Italian in my room and he won't go away!
%%
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
%%
There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
%%
There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
%%
There's small choice in rotten apples.
%%
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
%%
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
%%
They just buzzed and buzzed.....buzzed.
%%
Things are not always what they seem.
%%
Things past redress and now with me past care.
%%
Things will be brighter tonight.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
%%
Things won't get any better, so get used to it.
%%
Things work better when plugged in.
%%
Think twice before speaking.  But don't say "think think click click".
%%
Thinly sliced cabbage.
%%
This afternoon is favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.
%%
This ain't no party! This ain't no disco! This ain't no foolin' around!
%%
This fortune every third, but it still comprehensible.
%%
This fortune intentionally left blank.
%%
This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
%%
This fortune is owned and operated by Frobazz Magic Co., Ltd.
%%
This fortune will not come true.
%%
This portion of UTS II is a trade secret of Amdahl Corporation.
%%
This is a good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
%%
This is a good time to punt work.
%%
dollars, and come alone.  I'm serious!
%%
This is the day for firm decisions!  Or is it?
%%
This login session:  $13.99
%%
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
%%
This place has everything.
%%
This sentance has threee errors.
%%
This sentence contains ten words, eighteen syllables, and sixty-four letters.
%%
This sentence no verb.
%%
This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
This unit ... must ... survive.
%%
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
%%
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.
%%
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
%%
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, teach.  Those who can't teach, hack.
%%
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, teach.  Those who can't teach, teach gym.
%%
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, write.
%%
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
%%
Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.
%%
Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
%%
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
%%
Thou shall not sleep within an interrupt handler.
%%
Time and tide wait for no man.
%%
Time as he grows old teaches all things.
%%
Time flies like arrow; fruit flies like banana.
%%
Time is nature's way of making sure everything doesn't happen at once.
%%
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
%%
To add insult to injury.
%%
To be wise, the only thing you need to know is when to say "I don't know."
%%
To climb the ladder of success you must get through the crowd at the bottom.
%%
To do nothing is to be nothing.
%%
To do two things at once is to do neither.
%%
To err is human, to forgive is out of the question.
%%
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.
%%
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
%%
To have died once is enough.
%%
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
%%
To keep your friends, treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
%%
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
%%
To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
%%
To love is good, love being difficult.
%%
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
%%
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
%%
To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
%%
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
%%
To teach is to learn.
%%
To the landlord belong the doorknobs.
%%
To use violence is to already be defeated.
%%
Today is a bad day to give to charity.
%%
Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
%%
Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking official.
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
%%
Today is the last day of your life so far.
%%
Too clever is dumb.  --Ogden Nash
%%
Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
%%
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
%%
Treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.
%%
Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.
%%
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
%%
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
%%
True happiness will be found only in true love.
%%
Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
%%
Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.
%%
Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.
%%
Try a new system or a different approach.
%%
Try later.
%%
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
%%
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
%%
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
%%
Trying to establish voice contact--please yell into keyboard.
%%
Trying to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from a fire hose
%%
Tuck under thumb and hold firmly.
%%
Two heads are better than one.
%%
Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
%%
Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane.
%%
UFO's are real.  The Air Force doesn't exist.
%%
Under every stone lurks a politician.
%%
Undetectable errors are infinite; detectable errors by definition are finite.
%%
Unix soit qui mal y pense.
%%
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
%%
Unusual cheeses.
%%
Up your accumulator.
%%
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
%%
Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
%%
Use debugging compilers.
%%
Use free-form input where possible
%%
Use library functions.
%%
Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale across the beach.
%%
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
%%
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
%%
Vini, vidi, vici.
%%
Violence is the last recourse of the incompetent.
%%
Visit beautiful Vergas, Minnesota.
%%
Visit beautiful Wisconsin Dells.
%%
Volcano - a mountain with hiccups.
%%
Vote Anarchist.
%%
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
%%
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.
%%
Walk softly and carry a big stick.
%%
War is the last refuge of incompetent statesmen.
%%
War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.
%%
Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
%%
Was it a car or a cat I saw?
%%
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
%%
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
%%
Watch out for off-by-one errors.
%%
Watch out where the Huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow!
%%
Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.
%%
Watson! Come here! I need you!
%%
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
%%
ing to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from a fire hosean education here is like trying to take a drink from a fire hose
Trying to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from a fire hose
rom a fire hosemb and hold firmly.etter than one.We are the knights who say, "NIE!"
%%
We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
%%
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
%%
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
%%
We have got to get organized!
%%
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
%%
We may be alone.  We may not be alone.	Either way, the thought is staggering.
%%
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves rather than not speak of ourselves at all.
%%
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
%%
We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
%%
We'll be back to Nick Danger after this message.
%%
We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu.
%%
We're all bozos on this bus.
%%
We're all over it, like a cheap suit.
%%
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
%%
Welcome to The Machine.
%%
Welcome to the Future!	It's just starting now ...
%%
Well begun is half done.
%%
Well I know where she come from but I don't know what's her name
%%
Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken!
%%
Whadda ya mean, "we"?
%%
Whadda ya want for nothin'?  Rubber biscuit?
%%
Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay?
%%
What a friend we have in cheeses.
%%
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
%%
What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.
%%
What is Life?  It's the cereal Mikey likes.
%%
What is food to one, it to others bitter poison.
%%
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
%%
What is worth doing is worth doing for money.
%%
What is worth doing is worth overdoing.
%%
What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
%%
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
%%
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
%%
What soon grows old?  Gratitude.
%%
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
%%
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five cent bagel.
%%
What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
%%
What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
%%
What we learn from history is that we do not learn from history.
%%
What you need is love potion #9.
%%
What's all this brouhaha?
%%
What's done to children, they will do to society.
%%
What's so funny?
%%
What's the difference between a duck?
%%
Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.
%%
Whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland.
%%
Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
%%
When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them.
%%
When I'm good, I'm very good; but when I'm bad, I'm better.
%%
When a hammer is the only tool, every problem looks like a nail.
%%
When all else fails, read the instructions.
%%
When inlaws are outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
%%
When in doubt, follow your heart.
%%
When in doubt, lead trump.
%%
When in doubt, leave out the adjective.
%%
When in doubt, mumble.	When in trouble, delegate.  When in charge, ponder.
%%
When in doubt, take all the defaults.
%%
When it rains, it pours.
%%
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
%%
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
%%
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
%%
When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.
%%
When the plane you're on is late, the plane you need to transfer to is on time.
%%
When the sun shineth, make hay.
%%
When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
%%
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
%%
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
%%
When working a problem, it helps to know the answer.
%%
When you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose.
%%
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
%%
When you are used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized.
%%
When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own.
%%
When you finally discover all of Life's answers, they'll change the questions.
%%
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
%%
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
%%
When you mention something, if it's bad, it happens, if it's good, it goes away
%%
When you're in command, command.
%%
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
%%
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
%%
Where are we?
%%
Where the hell is /usr/hippo?
%%
Where the hell is Wall Drug?
%%
Where the hell is Omak?
%%
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
%%
Where there's a whip there's a way.
%%
Where's the beef?
%%
Which is not a complete sentence, but merely a subordinate clause.
%%
While there's life, there's hope.
%%
Who are you?
%%
Who cares anyway?
%%
Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.
%%
Who reformatted the root disk?
%%
Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.
%%
Who is John Galt?
%%
Who is W. O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
%%
Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
%%
Who to himself is law no law doth need, offends no law, and is a king indeed.
%%
Who was Bruce Clarke?
%%
Who was Dan Walsh?
%%
Who was Dave Cardinal?
%%
Who was Evan Adams?
%%
Who was Frank Suchomel?
%%
Who was Jim Voll?
%%
Who was Karl Danz?
%%
Who was Lorrie Duval?
%%
Who was Mark Linton?
%%
Who was Steve Saperstein?
%%
Who was Tom Lyon?
%%
Whoops, I formatted the root disk.
%%
Whoops, stepped on a frog.
%%
Who's scruffy looking?
%%
Why are there no black M&M's?
%%
Why are there no blue M&M's?
%%
Why are there no fuchisa M&M's?
%%
Why are there no grey M&M's?
%%
Why are there no lavender M&M's?
%%
Why are there no mauve M&M's?
%%
Why are there no pink M&M's?
%%
Why are there no polka dot M&M's?
%%
Why are there no purple M&M's?
%%
Why are there no red M&M's?
%%
Why are there no tan M&M's?
%%
Why are there no white M&M's?
%%
Why do we study poverty instead of wealth?
%%
Why do you have so much quickness of movement if not to avoid responsibility?
%%
Why do you think they call it "find"?
%%
Why does love got to be so sad?
%%
Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?
%%
Will had a fortune the other day, but he forgot it.
%%
Wisdom is knowing what to do next.
%%
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
%%
Wise man see more from bottom of well than fool from mountain top.
%%
Wise man see more from mountain top than fool from bottom of well.
%%
Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.
%%
Wit has truth in it.  Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
%%
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
%%
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
%%
Without tools there would be no wisdom.
%%
Words are the voice of the heart.
%%
Words have a longer life than deeds.
%%
Words must be weighed, not counted.
%%
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
%%
Work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
%%
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
%%
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
%%
Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?
%%
Wow!  I could've had a V/8!
%%
Write all adverbial forms correct.
%%
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
%%
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
%%
Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet.
%%
Yesterday is a memory.	Tomorrow is a vision.  Today is a bitch.
%%
Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
%%
You always find something in the last place you look, unless it's not there.
%%
You are a bundle of energy always on the go.
%%
You are a singer who has to take any note above A with your eyebrows.
%%
You are a very redundant person; that's what kind of person you are, redundant.
%%
You are always busy.
%%
You are an insult to my intelligence!  I demand that you log off immediately.
%%
You are being paged.
%%
You are being swapped.
%%
You are being watched.	Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
%%
You are capable of planning your future.
%%
You are confident of things you know nothing about.
%%
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
%%
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
%%
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
%%
You are fair-minded, just and loving.
%%
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
%%
You are fast approaching your level of incompetence.
%%
You are going to have a new love affair.
%%
You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little programs, all alike.
%%
You are in a twisting maze of little passages, all different.
%%
You are lustworthy.
%%
You are magnetic in your bearing.
%%
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
%%
You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery.
%%
You are so narrowminded you can see through a keyhole with two eyes.
%%
You are standing on my toes.
%%
You are taking advantage of the good nature of a friend.  Be careful.
%%
You are taking yourself too seriously.
%%
You are too narrowminded if you can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
%%
You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty.
%%
You are truly a rhinestone in the rough.
%%
You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
%%
You are unscrupulously dishonest, false, and deceitful.
%%
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
%%
You auto buy now.
%%
You can be replaced by this computer.
%%
You can be replaced by a machine that flushes.
%%
You can cage a swallow, can't you, but you can't swallow a cage, can you?
%%
You can lead a horticulture, but you cannot make her think.
%%
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
%%
You can't antagonize and influence at the same time.
%%
You can't change the laws of physics, Captain; I've got to have thirty minutes.
%%
You can't cheat the phone company.
%%
You can't even cut the cheese.
%%
You can't fool me--there ain't no sanity clause.
%%
You can't get there from here.
%%
You can't get to Heaven on roller skates.
%%
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
%%
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly--only sooner than she thought you would.
%%
You can't win, you can't break even, and you can't get out of the game.
%%
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
%%
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
%%
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
%%
You cannot see farther than others by standing on the feet of giants.
%%
You cannot see the wood for the trees.
%%
You cannot succeed by criticizing others.
%%
You cannot use your friends and have them too.
%%
You dialed 5483.
%%
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
%%
You do not have mail.
%%
You do well in speculation where land or anything to do with earth is involved.
%%
You don't give a damn about apathy.
%%
You don't know what you want, and are willing to go through hell to get it.
%%
You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.
%%
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
%%
You don't usually see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
%%
You dream of things that aren't and ask "why not?".
%%
You enjoy the company of other people.
%%
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
%%
You fill a much-needed gap.
%%
You get the most of what you need the least.
%%
You get what you pay for.
%%
You hate mail.
%%
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
%%
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
%%
You have a frog in your pocket?
%%
You have a massage.  (From the Swedish prime minister.)
%%
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
%%
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
%%
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
%%
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
%%
You have a truly strong individuality.
%%
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
%%
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
%%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%%
You have an important role as a negative example.
%%
You have an unusual equipment for success.  Be sure to use it properly.
%%
You have been selected for a secret mission.
%%
You have fallen so far behind, there is no reason to log in.
%%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
%%
You have hate mail.
%%
You have junk mail.
%%
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
%%
You have mail.
%%
You have many friends and very few living enemies.
%%
You have no real enemies.
%%
You have only a very small head and must live within it.
%%
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You will learn a lot today.
%%
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
%%
You haven't a single redeeming vice.
%%
You humans are all alike.
%%
You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.
%%
You know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
%%
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
%%
You look marvelous.
%%
You look tired
%%
You love peace.
%%
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
%%
You may already be a wiener!
%%
You may be a lover but you aint no dancer!
%%
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.
%%
You may now log in to life.  Password:
%%
You mean I can put stuff past column 72? WOW! UNIX is great!
%%
You might have mail.
%%
You need not worry about your future.
%%
You never find an article until you replace it.
%%
You never have mail.
%%
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
%%
You now have Asian Flu.
%%
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
%%
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
%%
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
%%
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
%%
You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
%%
You say that now, but try chewing a child the next time you're car sick.
%%
You say things with your eyes that others waste time putting into words.
%%
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
%%
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
%%
You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
%%
You should go home.
%%
You should hardly ever equivocate.
%%
You should use contraceptives at every conceivable occasion.
%%
You shouldn't touch a pig unless it hasn't been in the mud.
%%
You still need the last file you removed.
%%
You tread upon my patience.
%%
You used to be indecisive.  Now you're not sure.
%%
You want a fortune?  I'll give you a fortune.  "Blech!"
%%
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
%%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%%
You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
%%
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
%%
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
%%
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
%%
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
%%
You will be awarded some great honor.
%%
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize--posthumously.
%%
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
%%
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
%%
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
%%
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.
%%
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
%%
You will be invited to dine with many important people.  Once.
%%
You will be married within a year.
%%
		      ---- This space for rent ----
%%
You will be misunderstood by everyone.
%%
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
%%
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
%%
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
%%
You will be squirrely today.
%%
You will be successful in love.
%%
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
%%
You will be surrounded by luxury.
%%
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
%%
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
%%
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
%%
You will be where you most desire to be in a short while.
%%
You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
%%
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
%%
You will die of terminal acne.
%%
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
%%
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
%%
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
%%
You will find what is not lost and enter where there are no doors.
%%
You will forget that you ever knew me.
%%
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
%%
You will gain money by an illegal or immoral action.
%%
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
%%
You will have a flat tire before the end of the month.
%%
You will have a head crash on your private pack.
%%
You will have a long and boring life.
%%
You will have a long and healthy life.
%%
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
%%
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
%%
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
%%
You will have long and healthy life.
%%
You will have many recoverable tape errors.
%%
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
%%
You will inherit millions of dollars.
%%
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
%%
You will know happy motorcyclist by the bug stains on his teeth.
%%
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
%%
You will live by the side of the road and help some pilgrim along life's way.
%%
You will live to see your grandchildren.
%%
You will lose an important file.
%%
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
%%
You will never know hunger.
%%
You will not be elected to public office this year.
%%
You will outgrow your usefulness.
%%
You will outlive those who seek to destroy you.
%%
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
%%
You will pass away very quickly.
%%
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
%%
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
%%
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
%%
You will receive a legacy that will place you above want.
%%
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
%%
You will soon forget this.
%%
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
%%
You will soon meet a stranger who will become your friend.
%%
You will soon meet a strangler who will become your fiend.
%%
You will spend the rest of your life in the future.
%%
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
%%
You will survive the conflagration.
%%
You will triumph over your enemy.
%%
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
%%
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
%%
You will wish you hadn't.
%%
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
%%
You'll be called to a post requiring high ability in handling groups of people.
%%
You'll be sorry.
%%
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
%%
You're all clear now, kid.  Now blow this thing so we can all go home.
%%
You're all over it, like a cheap suit.
%%
You're at Witt's End.
%%
You're my hero!
%%
Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
%%
Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.
%%
Your aim is high and to the right.
%%
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
%%
Your aims are high, and you are incapable of much.
%%
Your analyst has you confused with another patient.
%%
Your business will assume vast proportions.
%%
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
%%
Your code should be more efficient!
%%
Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please reauthorize.
%%
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
%%
Your disk will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
%%
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
%%
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
%%
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
%%
Your enemies are closing in.
%%
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
%%
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
%%
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
%%
Your kindness and generosity cause envy in a powerful person nearby.
%%
Your logic was impeccable, captain.  We are in grave danger.
%%
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
%%
Your love life will be interesting.
%%
Your lover will never wish to leave you.
%%
Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed to 0644.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed to ASCII.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed to EBCDIC.
%%
Your most useful program will be continually improved until it is useless.
%%
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
%%
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
%%
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
%%
Your present plans will be successful.
%%
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
%%
Your resume will be used on the "Tonight Show" monologue.
%%
Your salary will be increased.
%%
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
%%
Your step will soil many countries.
%%
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
%%
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
%%
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
%%
Your winning smile is your greatest asset.
%%
Your work is very poor, but at least it's slow.
%%
Youth is not a time of life, it's a state of mind.
%%
Let the wise listen and add to their learning,                     
and let the discerning get guidance    -- Proverbs 1:5             
%%
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise
wisdom and discipline.    -- Proverbs 1:7                          
%%
Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your
mother's teaching.    -- Proverbs 1:8                              
%%
They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to           
adorn your neck.  -- Proverbs 1:9                                  
%%
My son, if sinners entice you,                                     
do not give in to them. -- Proverbs 1:10                           
%%
If they say, 'Come along with us; let's lie in wait for someone's blood,
let's waylay some harmless soul; Let's swallow them alive, like the
grave, and whole, like those who go down to the pit; We will get all
sorts of valuable things and fill our houses with plunder; throw in
your lot with us, and we will share a common purse'  --            
my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths; 
for their feet rush into sin, they are swift to shed blood.        
-- Proverbs 1:11-16                                                
%%
How useless to spread a net in full view of all the birds!         
-- Proverbs 1:17                                                   
%%
  Wisdom calls aloud in the street, she raises her voice in the public
squares; At the head of the noisy streets she cries out, in the    
gateways of the city she makes her speech:                         
  How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will
mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge? - Proverbs 1:18-22
%%
  My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,   
and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden
treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the
knowledge of God.                                                  
For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and   
understanding.    -- Proverbs 2:1-6                                
%%
 He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose
walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects
the way of his faithful ones.    -- Proverbs 2:7-8                 
%%
   Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.  
                   --Proverbs 2:11                                 
%%

are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways,   
who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil,
whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways.         
It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her
seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the
covenant she made before God.                                      
For her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead. 
None who go to her return or attain the paths of life. -- Proverbs 2:12-19  
%%

it; but the wicked will be cut off from the land, and the unfaithful will be
torn from it.    -- Proverbs 2:21-22                               
%%
 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.  Then you will win favor and
a good name in the sight of God and man.  -- Proverbs 3:3-4        
%%
 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own    
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make  
your paths straight.  -- Proverbs 3:5-6                            
%%
 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.     
-- Proverbs 3:7                                                    
%%
 Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops;
then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over 
with new wine.    -- Proverbs 3:9-10                               
%%
 My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent    
his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father
the son he delights in.    -- Proverbs 3:11-12                     
%%
 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding,
for he is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.  
-- Proverbs 3:13-14                                                
%%
 By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations, by understanding 
he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided,
and the clouds let drop the dew.  -- Proverbs 3:19-20              
%%
 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them  
out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace 
your neck.  -- Proverbs 3:21-22                                    
%%
 Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes     
the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your
foot from being snared.    -- Proverbs 3:25-26                     
%%
 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in     
your power to act.    -- Proverbs 3:27                             
%%
 Do not say to your neighbor, `Come back later; I'll give it       
tomorrow' when you now have it with you.    -- Proverbs 3:28       
%%
 Do not plot harm against your neighbor,                           
who lives trustfully near you.  -- Proverbs 3:29                   
%%
 Do not accuse a man for no reason-- when he has done you no harm. 
-- Proverbs 3:30                                                   
%%
 Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways, for the LORD 
detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence.  
--Proverbs 3:31-32                                                 
%%
 The Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the
home of the righteous.    -- Proverbs 3:33                         
%%
 The wise inherit honor,                                           
but fools he holds up to shame. -- Proverbs 3:35                   
%%
 Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words             
or swerve from them.                                               
-- Proverbs 4:5                                                    
%%
 Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;                  
love her, and she will watch over you.    -- Proverbs 4:6          
%%
 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have,
get understanding.  Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her,
and she will honor you.  She will set a garland of grace on your head
and present you with a crown of splendor.   -- Proverbs 4:7-9      
%%
 Hold on to instruction, do not let it go;                         
guard it well, for it is your life.    -- Proverbs 4:13            
%%
 Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of   
evil men.  Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way.  
For they cannot sleep till they do evil; they are robbed of slumber till
they make someone fall.  They eat the bread of wickedness and drink
the wine of violence.  -- Proverbs 4:14-17                         
%%
 The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,        
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.                  
But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what
makes them stumble.    -- Proverbs 4:18-19                         
%%
 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
-- Proverbs 4:23                                                   
%%
 Put away perversity from your mouth;                              
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.  -- Proverbs 4:24            
%%
 Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.  
-- Proverbs 4:26                                                   
%%
 Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. 
-- Proverbs 4:27                                                   
%%
 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother
than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged
sword.  Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.
She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she
knows it not.                                                      
Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, 
lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is
cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another
man's house.    -- Proverbs 5:3-10                                 
%%
 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of
another man's wife?  For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD,
and he examines all his paths.    -- Proverbs 5:20-21              
%%
 The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin  
hold him fast.  He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by  
his own great folly.  -- Proverbs 5:22-23                          
%%
 My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you     
have struck hands in pledge for another, if you have been trapped  
by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this,
my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor's
hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! 
                                     --Proverbs 6:1-3              
%%
 Go to the ant, you sluggard; Consider its ways and be wise.  It has
no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in
summer and gathers its food at harvest.                            
How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your
sleep?                                                             
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest--
and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.  
                                         -- Proverbs 6:6-11        
%%
 A scoundrel and villain, who goes about with a corrupt mouth,     
who winks with his eye, signals with his feet and motions with his fingers, 
who plots evil with deceit in his heart-- he always stirs up dissension.
Therefore disaster will overtake him in an instant; he will suddenly be
destroyed--without remedy.    -- Proverbs 6:12-15                  
%%
 There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,      
a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 
a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among  
brothers.    -- Proverbs 6:16-19                                   
%%
 Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when
he is starving.  Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it
costs him all the wealth of his house.                             
But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys
himself.  Proverbs 6:30-32                                         
%%
 Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult;                         
whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.                         
Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will
love you.    -- Proverbs 9:7-8                                     
%%
 Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still;                   
teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. -- Proverbs 9:9
%%
  The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge   
of the Holy One is understanding.    -- Proverbs 9:10              
%%
 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you
alone will suffer.     -- Proverbs 9:12                            
%%
 The LORD does not let the righteous go hungry but he thwarts      
the craving of the wicked.    -- Proverbs 10:3                     
%%
 Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.      
-- Proverbs 10:4                                                   
%%
 He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who          
sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.    -- Proverbs 10:5    
%%
 He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores
correction leads others astray.    -- Proverbs 10:17               
%%
 When words are many, sin is not absent,                           
but he who holds his tongue is wise.  -- Proverbs 10:19            
%%
 As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes,                    
so is a sluggard to those who send him.    -- Proverbs 10:26       
%%
 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
-- Proverbs 11:13                                                  
%%
 For lack of guidance a nation falls,                              
but many advisers make victory sure.                               
-- Proverbs 11:14                                                  
%%
 Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished,               
but those who are righteous will go free.    -- Proverbs 11:21     
%%
 Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman            
who shows no discretion.    -- Proverbs 11:22                      
%%
 One man gives freely, yet gains even more;                        
another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.
%%
 A generous man will prosper;                                      
he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.
%%
 Whoever trusts in his riches will fall,                           
but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf.
%%
 He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind,       
and the fool will be servant to the wise.    -- Proverbs 11:29     
%%
 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life,                     
and he who wins souls is wise.  -- Proverbs 11:30                  
%%
 If the righteous receive their due on earth,                      
how much more the ungodly and the sinner!    -- Proverbs 11:31     
%%
 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,                         
but he who hates correction is stupid.    -- Proverbs 12:1         
%%
 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,                 
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
%%
 The plans of the righteous are just,                              
but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.    -- Proverbs 12:5     
%%
 Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant                      
than pretend to be somebody and have no food.    -- Proverbs 12:9  
%%
 A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal,                
but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.    -- Proverbs 12:10 
%%
 He who works his land will have abundant food,                    
but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment.    -- Proverbs 12:11   
%%
 From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things       
as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.
%%
 A fool shows his annoyance at once,                               
but a prudent man overlooks an insult. -- Proverbs 12:16           
%%
 Reckless words pierce like a sword,                               
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  -- Proverbs 12:18      
%%
 The sluggard craves and gets nothing,                             
but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.  -- Proverbs 13:4
%%
 One man pretends to be rich, yet has nothing;                     
another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.
%%
 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found                   
in those who take advice.  -- Proverbs 13:10                       
%%
 Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money           
little by little makes it grow.    -- Proverbs 13:11               
%%
 Hope deferred makes the heart sick,                               
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.  -- Proverbs 13:12      
%%
 A poor man's field may produce abundant food,                     
but injustice sweeps it away.  -- Proverbs 13:23                   
%%
 He who spares the rod hates his son,                              
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.  -- Proverbs 13:24
%%
 There is a way that seems right to a man,                         
but in the end it leads to death.  -- Proverbs 14:12               
%%
 A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man                 
gives thought to his steps.    -- Proverbs 14:15                   
%%
 He who despises his neighbor sins,                                
but blessed is he who is kind to the needy.    -- Proverbs 14:21   
%%
 All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk                      
leads only to poverty.  -- Proverbs 14:23                          
%%
 He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker,         
but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.    -- Proverbs 14:31  
%%
 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;                       
so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
%%
 Train a child in the way he should go,                            
and when he is old he will not turn from it.    -- Proverbs 22:6   
%%"I hate quotations.  Tell me what you know."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
-- Abe Lincoln
%%
"If we can't fix it -- we'll fix it so nobody can."
-- B. Gibbons
%%
"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves
 on a rainy Sunday afternoon."
-- D. P. Barron
%%
Humanity has in the course of time had to endure from the hands of science two
great outrages upon its naive self-love.  The first was when it realized that 
our earth was not the center of the universe, but only a speck in a world-system
of a magnitude hardly conceivable...  The second was when biological research 
robbed man of his particular privilege of having been specially created, and
relegated him to a descent from the animal world.    
-- Sigmund Freud  
%%
Fanatics have their dreams, wherewith they weave a paradise for a sect."
-- Keats
%%
"You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!"
-- Bill
%%
"If you took all the sincerity in Hollywood and put it in the navel of a fruit
 fly, you'd still have room for three carraway seeds and a producer's heart."
 -- Fred Allen
 %%
"Now, more than ever, it is evident that `good taste' only refers to that
 which reinforces the status quo." 
-- Andre Peret
%%
"Computers are useless; they can only give answers."
-- Picasso
%%
"Until hard evidence is obtained and corroborated, the American people should
 not be frightened into believing that babies are being bred and eaten, that
 50,000 missing children are being murdered in human sacrifices, or that
 satanists are taking over America's day care centers...  An unjustified
 crusade against those perceived as satanists could result in wasted resources,
 unwarranted damage to reputations, and disruption of civil liberties."
-- Kenneth Lanning, head of the FBI's special unit in charge of
    investigating claims about satanic-cult crimes, in a report
    of his findings, June, 1989
%%
"What's the definition of a good flame?  One you agree with..."
-- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
"I think there's a world market for about 5 computers."
-- Thomas J. Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM (around 1948)
%%
"I do not fear computers.. I fear the lack of them."
-- Isaac Asimov
%%
"Rebellion is like witchcraft. That's what it is, it's like witchcraft."
-- Missouri State Rep. Jean Dixon, on labeling "offensive music". 
	USA Today, March 20, 1990
%%
"I am made from the dust of the stars, the oceans flow in my veins."
-- Rush, "Presto"
%%
"Reading legal mush can turn your brain to guacamole!" 
-- Amiga ROM Kernel Manual
%%
"I think their experience with us may have helped their contemptuousness;
 the ignorance they come by naturally."
--Chuck McManis (personal communication)
%%
  Next we had Egyptian wars, Greek wars, Roman wars, hideous drenchings of the
earth with blood; and we saw the treacheries of the Romans toward the Cartha-
ginians, and the sickening spectacle of the massacre of those brave people.
Also we saw Caesar invade Britain -- "not that those barbarians had done him
any harm, but because he wanted their land, and desired to confer the blessings
of civilization upon their widows and orphans," as Satan explained.
  Next, Christianity was born.  Then ages of Europe passed in review before us,
and we saw Christianity and Civilization march hand in hand through those ages,
"leaving famine and death and desolation in their wake, and other signs of the
progress of the human race," as Satan observed.
  And always we had wars, and more wars, and still other wars -- all over 
Europe, all over the world.  "Sometimes in the private interest of royal
families," Satan said, "sometimes to crush a weak nation; but never a war
started by the aggressor for any clean purpose -- there is no such war in the
history of the race."
  "Now," said Satan, "you have seen your progress down to the present, and you
must confess that it is wonderful -- in its way.  We must now exhibit the 
future."
  He showed us slaughters more terrible in their destruction of life, more
devastating in their engines of war, than any we had seen.
  "You perceive," he said, "that you have made continual progress.  Cain did 
his murder with a club; the Hebrews did their murders with javelins and swords;
the Greeks and Romans added protective armor and the fine arts of military
organization and generalship; the Christian has added guns and gunpowder; a
few centuries from now he will have so greatly improved the deadly effectiveness
of his weapons of slaughter that all men will confess that without Christian
civilization war must have remained a poor and trifling thing to the end of 
time."
-- Mark Twain, _The Mysterious Stranger_
%%
  "Well, there were sixty-eight people there, and sixty-two of them had no more
desire to throw a stone than you had."
  "Satan!"
  "Oh, it's true.  I know your race.  It is made up of sheep.  It is governed
by minorities, seldom or never by majorities.  It suppresses its feelings and
its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise.  Sometimes the
noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong; but no matter, the crowd follows it.
The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-
hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive
and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves.  Think of it!  One
kind-hearted creature spies upon another, and sees to it that he loyally helps
in iniquities which revolt both of them.  Speaking as an expert, I know that
ninety-nine out of a hundred of your race were strongly against the killing of
witches when that foolishness was first agitated by a handful of pious lunatics
in the long ago.  And I know that even to-day, after ages of transmitted
prejuidice and silly teaching, only one person in twenty puts any real heart
into the harrying of a witch.  And yet apparently everybody hates witches and
wants them killed.  Some day a handful will rise up on the other side and make
the most noise -- perhaps even a single daring man with a big voice and a
determined front will do it -- and in a week all the sheep will wheel and 
follow him, and witch-hunting will come to a sudden end."
-- Mark Twain, _The Mysterious Stranger_
%%
"Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions are all based upon that large defect
in your race -- the individual's distrust of his neighbor, and his desire, for
safety's or comfort's sake, to stand well in his neighbor's eye.  These
institutions will always remain, and always flourish, and always oppress you,
affront you, and degrade you, because you will always be and remain slaves of
minorities.  There was never a country where the majority of people were in
their secret hearts loyal to any of these institutions."
-- Mark Twain, _The Mysterious Stranger_
%%
Strange, because they are so frankly and hysterically insane -- like all dreams:
a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad
ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single 
happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; 
who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children
to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children
with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice and
invented hell -- mouths mercy and invented hell -- mouths Golden Rules, and
forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who frowns
upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then
tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of
honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with 
altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship him!
-- Mark Twain, _The Mysterious Stranger_
%%
You have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more; a multitude of you
possess that.  This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade and
trivial things -- broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueries, absurdities,
evokers of the horse-laugh.  The ten thousand high-grade comicalities which
exist in the world are sealed from their dull vision.  Will a day come when the
race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them -- and
by laughting at them destroy them?  For your race, in its poverty, has
unquestionably one really effective weapon -- laughter.  Power, money,
persuasion, supplication, persecution -- these can lift at a colossal humbug --
push it a little -- weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter
can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast.  Against the assault of laughter
nothing can stand.  You are always fussing and fighting with your other
weapons.  Do you ever use that one?  No; you leave it lying rusting.  As a
race, do you ever use it at all?  No; you lack sense and the courage."
-- Mark Twain, _The Mysterious Stranger_
%%
"If you do everything, you'll win."
-- Lyndon Baines Johnson
%%
    Catch a fly. Put it in the freezer compartment of your refrigerator for
    5 to 10 minutes. This slows him down considerably, so he's easier to
    handle. While he's in there, make a miniature paper airplane with a
    wing-span about double that of the fly. Take the cool dude out of the
    ice-box and super glue his tiny feet onto the upper surface of the paper
    airplane. As he warms up and revives, he will begin doing that most
    natural of all fly activities: he will try to fly. If you have not made
    your little airplane too heavy, the fly's wing beats will be adequate
    for lift off. However, carrying the added weight quickly tires the fly,
    so in mid-air, he will stop beating his wings, and the airplane will
    soar downward. Seeing his plight causes the fly to once again attempt to
    fly, with the same result. Little bursts of energy as the plane gains
    altitude, alternated with slow downward glides. A thread super glued to
    the plane will keep your aerial circus in the same room, or you can take
    your new pet fly out for a walk, er, fly.
-- Gary Benson (inc@fluke.tc.com)
%%
   "Mathematicians stand on eaach other's shoulder,
    Computer Scientists stand on each other's toes."
-- someone on the net (please email attribution), about look&feel lawsuits
%%
"I am thankful for one leg.  To limp is no disgrace --
 I may not be number one, but I can still run the race." 
-- B.C.
%%
"God not only plays dice, He sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be
 seen."
- S. Hawking
%%
"Those who worked the hardest are the last to surrender."
-- Gary Ward
%%
"They thought to use and shame me but I win out by nature, because a true
freak cannot be made.  A true freak must be born."
-- K. Dunn, _Geek Love_
%%
"The raytracer of justices recurses slowly, but it renders exceedingly fine."
-- Larry Phillips (lphillips@lpami.wimsey.bc.ca)
%%
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of
government!"
-- M. Python
%%
                          (####)
                        (#######)
                      (#########)
                     (#########)
                    (#########)
                   (#########)
   __&__          (#########) 
  /     \        (#########)   |\/\/\/|     /\ /\  /\               /\
 |       |      (#########)    |      |     | V  \/  \---.    .----/  \----. 
 |  (o)(o)       (o)(o)(##)    |      |      \_        /       \          /
 C   .---_)    ,_C     (##)    | (o)(o)       (o)(o)  <__.   .--\ (o)(o) /__.
  | |.___|    /____,   (##)    C      _)     _C         /     \     ()     / 
  |  \__/       \     (#)       | ,___|     /____,   )  \      >   (C_)   <
  /_____\        |    |         |   /         \     /----'    /___\____/___\ 
 /_____/ \       OOOOOO        /____\          ooooo             /|    |\
/         \     /      \      /      \        /     \           /        \
  
Homer          Marge           Bart            Lisa            Baby Maggie

                                THE SIMPSONS
%%
"Jesus saves sinners... and redeems them for valuable cash prizes!"
-- John Wichers (wichers@husc4.HARVARD.EDU)
%%
"Perestroika: could it happen here?"
-- Tom Neff
%%
"We walked on the moon -- you be polite." 
-- Joni Mitchell
%%
"My God, Thiokol, when do you want me to launch?  Next April?" 
-- L. Mulloy
%%
"UNIX should be used as an adjective." 
-- AT&T
%%
"The real problem with SDI is that it doesn't kill anybody."
-- Tom Neff
%%
"DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT blow the hatch!"
"Roger....hatch blown!" 
-- MAROONED
%%
"We have luck only with women -- not spacecraft!"
-- R. Kremnev, builder of failed Soviet FOBOS probes
%%
"The Nazis have no sense of humor, so why should they want television?"
-- Philip K. Dick
%%
"NASA Announces New Deck Chair Arrangement For Space Station Titanic."
-- Tom Neff
%%
"Knowing when to optimize is as important as knowing how."
-- Tom Neff
%%
"Of course, this is a, this is a Hunt, you will -- that will uncover a
lot of things.  You open that scab, there's a hell of a lot of things...
This involves these Cubans, Hunt, and a lot of hanky-panky that we have
nothing to do with ourselves." 
-- Richard Milhouse Nixon, 6/23/72
%%
"Take off your engineering hat and put on your management hat."
-- Thiokol management, 1/27/86

"The filter has discreting sources."
-- KSC FIDO, 1/28/86
%%
"When I was [in Canada] I found their jokes like their roads -- not very
 long and not very good, leading to a little tin point of a spire which
 has been remorselessly obvious for miles without seeming to get any
 nearer."
-- Samuel Butler
%%
"Nature loves a vacuum.  Digital doesn't." 
-- DEC sales letter
%%
"I'm a Leo.  Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff."
-- Tom Neff
%%
 1955-1975: 36 Elvis movies.
 1975-1989: nothing.
-- Tom Neff
%%
"A man came into the the office one day and said he was a sailor.  We
cured him of that." 
-- Mark Twain, on his days as a doctor's apprentice in California
%%
"We must never forget that if the war in Vietnam is lost... the right of
 free speech will be extinguished throughout the world."
-- Richard Milhouse Nixon, 10/27/65
%%
"The country couldn't run without Prohibition.  That is the industrial fact."
-- Henry Ford, 1929
%%
"We plan absentee ownership.  I'll stick to building ships."
-- George Steinbrenner, 1973
%%
Canada: a few acres of snow.  
-- Voltaire
%%
"There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level
 wouldn't cure. "
-- Ross MacDonald
%%
"Psychoanalysis is the mental illness it purports to cure."
-- Karl Kraus
%%
"To have a horror of the bourgeois is bourgeois."
-- Jules Renard
%%
"War is like love; it always finds a way."
-- Bertold Brecht
%%
"The genius of you Americans is that you never make any clear-cut stupid
 moves, only complicated stupid moves that leave us scratching our heads
 wondering if we might possibly have missed something."
-- Gamel Abdel Nasser
%%
"Stalinism begins at home."
-- Tom Neff
%%
"If the human mind were simple enough to understand,
we'd be too simple to understand it."
-- Pat Bahn
%%
"NASA Awards Acronym Generation System (AGS) Contract For Space Station Freedom"
-- Tom Neff
%%
"US out of North America, NOW!!"
-- Richard O'Rourke
%%
"Why don't the Japanese live in the mountains?  Certainly, they could;
 apparently they just don't want to."
-- elturner@phoenix.Princeton.EDU
%%
You are sunlight and I, moon
  Joined by the gods of fortune
Midnight and high noon
  Sharing the sky
We have been blessed, you and I
-- MISS SAIGON
%%
"Democracy is also a form of worship.  It is the worship of Jackals by
 Jackasses."
-- H. L. Mencken
%%
Chown up.  Chow down.
%%
"I would give the Devil benefit of the law for my own safety's sake."
-- _A_Man_for_All_Seasons_ by Robert Bolt
%%
"I contemplate with sovereign reverence the act of the
 whole American people which declared that their legislature
 should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion,
 or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a
 wall of separation between church and state."
-- Thomas Jefferson, to the Danbury (Connecticut) Baptist Association in 1802
%%
"The condition upon which God has given liberty to man is eternal vigilance."
-- John Philpot Curran
%%
"Home is is the place where your computer lives and runs your life."
-- Chrome Cowboy, sobiloff@thor.acc.stolaf.edu
%%
"I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years
 of maturity." 
-- Albert Einstein
%%
"Don't believe anything you read and only half of what you see."
-- Will Rogers
%%
"Do what you wanna, do what you will;
 Just don't mess up your neighbor's thrill.
 And when you pay the bill, kindly leave a little tip
 To help the next poor sucker on his one-way trip."
    - Frank Zappa, "You Are What You Is"
%%
"Like the ski resort full of girls looking for husbands
 and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as 
 symmetrical as it might seem."  
-- Alan McKay
%%
"If all men were brothers, would you want one to marry your sister?"
is the title of a Theodore Sturgeon short story.
%%
"Not problem is too big it can't be run away from" 
-- Linus
%%
"Oh beautiful, for smoggy skies, o'er insectide waves of grain, and
 strip-mined mountain's majesty, above the asphalt plains!  America,
 America, man sheds his waste on thee!  And hides the pines, with
 billboard signs, from sea to oily sea!"
-- George Carlin (?)
%%
"You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on
 the continuing viability of Fortran."
-- Alan Perlis
%%
"We fall into error if we attribute to strategy a power
  independent of tactical results."
-- Karl von Clausewitz, On War
%%
Without a thorough understanding of tactics, there can be no effective
strategy; therefore, any general must have a good foundation in the
tactical aspects of warfare.  However, it is not necessary for a general
to be an excellent swordsman, musketeer, or tank gunner.  It is sufficient
to understand the strengths, weaknesses, and proper use of the forces
available, and to know the strengths and weaknesses of your enemy.
-- Phillip Harbison (alvitar@xavax.com)
%%
In article <REYNOLDS.90Jul17202859@cochlea.bu.edu> reynolds@cochlea.bu.edu
(John Reynolds) writes:
>Robert Tilton Ministries
>Box 819000 Dallas, TX 75381
>* Complete Instructions on How to Receive your Miracle (That is, send
>in "more money than you can afford", three times in 21 days)

It really works!  We prayed for OpenWindows V2 to ship on schedule and it
happened!  We didn't send him any money and a disk blew up on our server!
Praise ``Bob''!

-- david@eng.sun.com
%%
The following appeared in my MCI bill this month:

MCI> President Bush is proclaiming July 22 as Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
MCI> Family Appreciation Day, in honor of the 100th birthday of one of
MCI> America's most beloved and respected citizens.  Throughout her life,
MCI> family has been of utmost importance to Mrs. Kennedy.  Family 
MCI> Appreciation Day calls upon Americans to rededicate themselves to family
MCI> values and relationships...
[ they then go on to encourage people to use the telephone a lot. ]

This Sunday, I encourage the following activities:

o Fornicate
o Get a divorce
o Shoot suction-cup darts at photos of JFK
o Fornicate
o Call up your long-distance operator and emit an ear-piercing shreik
o Tell your parents how they've screwed you up for life
o Assist a gay couple in adopting or conceiving
o Use the word "Chappaquiddick" (sic?) in a sentence
o Buy your pre-adolescent children a copy of Blue Boy
o Fornicate
o Spit on a rich person
o Fornicate

Thank you.

- Erb (cooper@cs)
Church of the Four-day Workweek
%%
"Poor dead, there's nothing between his ears."
-- Margaret Thatcher, about Ronald Regan, 
	in the 6/2/88 issue of The New York Times
%%
"Satanic Verses is a despicable book that could not have been written by 
 a person who wished to behave decently and responsibly." 
-- Orson Scott Card, Science Fiction author, Mormon, weenie
%%
"C is the assembly language of Tcl."
-- Karl Lehenbauer (karl@hackercorp.com)

"Assembly language is also available."
-- Jordan Henderson  (jordan@hackercorp.com)
%%
"All modern American literature comes from one book
 by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn."
-- Ernest Hemingway
%%
The makers of fortunes have a second love of money as a creation of their
own, resembling the affection of authors for their poems, or of parents for
their children ... and hence they are very bad company, for they talk of
nothing but the praises of wealth.
-- Plato
%%
"I have been poor and I have been rich.  Rich is better."
-- Sophie Tucker
%%
Mature software:  code old enough that for every bug fixed, one or more new
bugs are created.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
"Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead."
-- W. Shakespeare, HAMLET
%%
"Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible -
yea, and get the better of them."
-- W. Shakespeare, JULIUS CAESAR
%%
   "People these days are reluctant to read the canonical texts, but they
love fiction. Not all fiction, mind you, for they are sick of exemplary themes
and far prefer the obscene and fantastic. How low contemporary morals have
sunk! Anyone concerned about public morality will want to retrieve the
situation."
-- Li Yu, in "The Carnal Prayer Mat" c. 1657 A.D.
%%
                                _
                               / \
                              |\_/|
                              |---|
                              |   |
                              |   |
                            _ |=-=| _
                        _  / \|   |/ \
                       / \|   |   |   ||\
                      |   |   |   |   | \>
                      |   |   |   |   |   \
                      | -   -   -   - |)   )
                      |                   /
                       \                 /
                        \               /
                         \             /
                          \           /
                           |         |
                           |         |
                           |         |

-- Michael Westlund (d90-mwd@sigma.sm.luth.se)
%%
> The Independent quotes this from The Progressive, Sept. 1990:
> 
> "Louisiana State Rep. Carl Gunter, explaning why abortion should
> not be permitted even when the pregnancy results from incest:
> 'The way we get thoroughbred horses is through inbreeding.  With
> incest, you could get super-smart kids.'"

This undoubtedly explains State Representative Gunter's visibly high 
intelligence...
-- Lefty (lefty@twg.com)
%%
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in
 the process he does not become a monster."
-- Nietsche
%%
"Memory serves wise commanders."
-- Tz'u-hsi, 638 AD
%%
It's better to get mugged than to live a life of fear.
-- Freeman Dyson
%%
"But then a new problem came up: the Jupiter probe, Galileo, was going to
 use a power supply that runs on heat generated by radioactivity. If the
 shuttle carrying Galileo failed, radioactivity could be spread over a
 large area."
-- Richard P. Feynmann, "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
"If a guy tells me the probability of failure is 
 1 in 10E5, I know he's full of crap." 
-- Richard P. Feynmann, "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
Congresswoman:  Well, Mr. Dallas... we've heard your smut masquerading as
songs... and we've heard how teen prostitution pregnancy, drug use, cults,
runaways, suicide and poor hygiene are sweeping this nation.  We thought you
might like to share with the committee any particular causes you might see
for those latter problems...

Steve Dallas:  I dunno.  Maybe the proliferation of narrow, suffocating
zealotry masquerading as parenting in this country.

-- Bloom County
%%
"In Germany they first came for the Communists, 
   and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews, 
   and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
   and I didn't speak up becaues I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics,
   and I didn't speak up becaue I was a Protestant.  
Then they came for me -
   and by that time no one was left to speak up."

-- Pastor Martin Niemoller 
%%
"You can't get snot off of a suede jacket."
-- Lenny Bruce
%%
"A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
 He follows a lifestyle we don't endorse,
 He drinks the blood of a sheep, by force,   
 The vampire horse, Count Ed!"               
 -- Ron (lev0@midway.uchicago.edu)
%%
[Pornography] causes premarital intercourse, perversion, masturbation in
boys, wantonness in girls... Attention is given to sensationalists such
as Kinsey and Eberhard... who, finding fellow travelers in erstwhile
respectable media, manage to disseminate, directly and indirectly,
their absurd and dirty bleatings and pagan ideas.  It seems strange to
me that we credit -- I should say that our mass media credit -- the
unestablished generalities of a few so-called experts, but ignore the
overwhelming testimony of the true experts like J. Edgar Hoover.
-- Charles H. Keating, Jr., former anti-porn activist, the financier
    behind the Lincoln Savings and Loan scandal (his anti-porn organization
    got in trouble in 1962 (!) for spending over 90% of the funds they
    raised)
%%
"If it's a despot you would dethrone, see first that his throne erected
 within you is destroyed."
-- Kahlil Gibran, 1923
%%
"What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that
 they are extreme, but that they are intolerant.  The evil is not what
 they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents."
-- Robert F. Kennedy
%%
In truth, there never was any remarkable lawgiver amongst any people
who did not resort to divine authority, as otherwise his laws would
not have been accepted by the people; for there are many good laws, the
importance of which is known to be the sagacious lawgiver, but the
reasons for which are not sufficiently evident to enable him to persuade
others to submit to them; and therefore do wise men, for the purpose
of removing this difficulty, resort to divine authority.
-- Machiavelli
%%
All religions have in common the periodical childlike surrender to a
Provider or providers who dispense earthly fortune as well as spiritual
health; some demonstrations of man's smallness by means of reduced
posture and humble gesture, the admission in prayer and song of misdeeds,
of misthoughts, and of evil intentions; fervent appeal for inner uni-
fication by divine guidance; and finally, the insight that individual
trust must become part of the ritual practice of man, and must become
a sign of trustworthiness in the community.
-- psychologist Erik Erikson
%%
When one studies the biographies of the founders and leaders of the various
religions, one cannot help but be struck by the psychotic -- or at least
extremely abnormal -- behavior that has characterized so many of them.
Luther, Wesley, and Loyola had hallucinations ("visions").  St. Theresa
almost certainly was a hysteric.  The book _The Psychotic Personality_,
by Leon J. Saul and Silas L. Warner, devotes considerable space to the
psychotic personalities of Mary Baker Eddy (founder of Christian Science),
Joseph Smith (founder of Mormonism), Mohammed, and the Rev. Jim Jones...
It seems significant that the founder of Christianity itself, St. Paul,
also suffered from epilepsy.
-- Frank Zindler, "Religiosity as a Mental Disorder," American Atheist magazine,
   April 1988, p. 27
%%
"For the church to say that abortion is not acceptable for a Catholic
 is fine.  To say directly or indirectly that on something that is a
 church teaching that you must also vote according to that -- that's
 not acceptable in a country based on the First Amendment."
-- Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy
%%
"Unlimited campaign spending eats at the heart of the democratic process."
-- Barry Goldwater
%%
"If we are to begin packaging ourselves as boxes of cereal, Democracy will
 die... for you could not win the presidency without proving unworthy of
 the job."
%%The big difference between UNIX and VMS:
To do anything on UNIX, you need to know an obscure command.
To do anything on VMS, you need to know an obscure option to SET.
-- peter@sugar.hackercorp.com
%%
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
Hawaii, Sept. 1989:
  "Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.  It is IN
   the Pacific.  It is a part of the United States that is an island that 
   is right here."
%%
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
Prince William Sound, Alaska, May 1989
[Remarks to oil spill clean-up workers]:

  "It's a very valuable function and requirement that you're performing,  
   so have a great day and keep a stiff upper lip."

  "The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him
   when I arrive."
%%
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
Pago Pago, April 1989:

  [Pronounced "Pango Pango" by the natives and "Pogo Pogo" by Mr. Quayle.]
%%
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
El Salvador, Feb. & June 1989:

  "We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination
   of human rights."

  "El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many
   voices to be heard here.  Yet in my conversations with the Salvadorans...
   I have heard a single voice..."
%%
God is real unless declared integer.
- Allen W. Sherzer (aws@vax3.UUCP)
%%
what urge will save us now that sex won't
- Jenny Holzer, word artist
%%
File names are infinite in length where infinity is set to 255 characters.
- Peter Collinson, "The Unix File System"
%%
Matt Groening, creator of "The Simpsons",
speaking on fans of "The Simpsons":

"I have this comic strip called 'Life In Hell',
which runs in 200 newspapers, and I get alot of 
fan mail from generally articulate, literate people.
And now I walk down the street and I see people
wearing Simpsons T shirts who I'm afraid might
beat me up, so the quality of fans has broadened.
The people who are my fans now frighten me."

     - from "Newsweek" magazine, June 18, 1990, page 13
%%
"This is a one line proof...if we start sufficiently far to the left."
- peter@cbmvax.cbm.commodore.com
%%
"I don't practice what I preach, because I'm not the kind of person
I'm preaching to."
- Bob Dobbs.
%%
"The documentation for this program is obvious, therefore it is left as an 
exercise for the grader." 
- joel@cs.odu.edu
%%
"COBOL is not dead, it just smells that way."
- major@pta.oz.au
%%
"Hmmm...  Equality is bad for the country?  Well, at least we know where
you stand now.  I also remember a lot of your ilk saying things about how
the ERA was going to require unisex bathrooms.  Equality is not the same
as identical.  If you can't get that straight, you're going to have a lot of
trouble programming in C."
- nelson@clutx.clarkson.edu
%%
In Communism's central planning, citizens are told "you will make widgets".
In Capitalism's advertising, citizens are told "you will buy widgets".
- nelson@clutx.clarkson.edu
%%
Unix: it's a nice place to live, but you wouldn't want to visit there.
-someone on usenet.
%%
A project can not be considered complete until the total height of the
viewgraphs produced exceeds the height of the shortest PI.
- Robert Metzger, scientist and author.
%%
It's not that simple, no matter how you wish it so.  You made public
statements from a position of false authority; now you're having them shoved
down your throat.  Welcome to netnews. 
- Thomas Maddox
%%
It is unworthy of great men to lose hours gamble@owlnet.rice.edu
like slaves in the labor of calculation.
- Pascal
%%
Invalid null command.
%%
Calm down.  It's just ones and zeros.
- cbmvax!carolyn
%%
"Here's on for you. What's an 8 letter word for 'Love?'"

"Moisture"
- From the ABC series "Doctor Doctor"
%%
"Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run away.  Death really
 hates that."
- From the ABC series "Doctor Doctor"
%%
Courage is the willingness of a person to stand up for his beliefs in the face
of great odds. Chutzpah is doing the same thing wearing a Mickey Mouse hat.
%%
A comment from the Space Shuttle (!) computer IPL code, power
failure handling:

     "OK!  LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.  I'M IN CHARGE OF THE CPU FOR THE
      NEXT 40 MILLISECONDS!"
%%
- Real programmers are a figment of the imagination.
%%
- Real programmers detest candy-ass architects.  Candy-ass architects won't
  allow Execute instructions to address another Execute.  Real programmers
  despise petty restrictions.
%%
- Real programmers disdain structured programming.  Structured programming
  is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet trained.  They 
  wear neckties and carefully line up sharp pencils on an otherwise clean desk.
%%
- Real programmers don't believe in schedules.  Planners make up schedules.
  Managers firm up schedules.  Frightened coders strive to meet schedules.
  Real programmers ignore schedules.
%%
- Real programmers don't bring paper bag lunches.  If the vending machine
  sells it, they eat it.  If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't
  eat it.  Vending machines don't sell quiche.
%%
- Real programmers don't comment their code.  If it was hard to write, it
  should be hard to understand.
%%
- Real programmers don't document.  Documentation is for simps who can't read
  the listings of the object deck.
%%
- Real programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Cavemen drew flowcharts, and look
  how much good it did them.
%%
- Real programmers don't drive cars, or any other complicated mechanical
  contrivance.  Walking or bicycling are okay.  If a real programmer's bicycle
  breaks down he has a technician fix it.
%%
- Real programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport which requires you
  to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is okay, and real programmers wear
  their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in
  the middle of the machine room.
%%
- Real programmers don't write applications programs, they program right down
  to the BARE METAL.  Applications programming is for feebs who can't do
  systems programming.
%%
- Real programmers don't write in APL, unless the whole program can be written
  in one line.
%%
- Real programmers don't write in BASIC.  Actually no programmers write in
  BASIC after the age of twelve.
%%
- Real programmers don't write in COBOL.  COBOL is for wimpy applications
  programmers.
%%
- Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks
  and crystallography weenies.
%%
- Real programmers don't write in LISP.  Only dweeb programs contain more
  parentheses than actual code.
%%
- Real programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those
  pinky computer science languages.  Strong typing is for people with weak
  memories.
%%
- Real programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for gutless people who can't
  decide whether they want COBOL or FORTRAN.
%%
- Real programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky
  to get any programs at all, and take what they get.
%%
- Real programmers have no use for managers.  Managers are a necessary evil.
  They exist only to deal with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior
  planners, and other mental defectives.
%%
- Real programmers like vending machine popcorn.  Coders pop it in the
  microwave oven.  Real programmers use the heat from the CPU.  They can tell
  which jobs are running from the rate of popping.
%%
- Real programmers never grow old.  They suffer from burnouts, monumental
  crashes, or bugs in their DNA.
%%
- Real programmers never work 9 to 5.  If any real programmers are around at
  9 am, it's because they were up all night.
%%
- Real programmers scorn floating point arithmetic.  The decimal point was
  invented for pansy bed-wetters who are unable to think big.
%%
 The Algol compiler used at Case Institute of Technology, after finding
 25 errors in the source (e.g., like you spelled BEGIN as BEGNI), would 
 print
 	"At this point, we suggest you try re-reading the manual."
%%
 Programming by Monte Carlo methods is frowned upon.
%%
Installing unix fixes the [VMS] bug.
- Barry Shein
%%
vmunix: kbd: Too many keys down!
%%
"Code so clean...you can eat off it."
%%
"If we can't fix it, it isn't broken."
%%
"Never test for a bug you don't know how to fix."
%%
"Don't break it if you can't fix it."
%%
"There are two ways to write bug-free code; only the third way works."
%%
Final message received from the Titanic: "Fatal crash due to icebug."
%%
"Bugs bugs everywhere, and not a fix in sight."
%%
"A feature is a bug with seniority."
%%