THE INVASION OF THE TEDDY BEARS ------------------------------- The invasion of the [Growl](Pop)THTHTH came off without a hitch, just the way they planned it. Earth at the turn of the century had just begun to probe into space with a few manned trips here and there. There were no planetary defenses at all. What few missiles that could be quickly reprogrammed for orbiting targets were effortlessly converted into scattered debris. Humans were caught completely off guard. Suddenly, saucers appeared in orbit, the ultimatum issued and rejected, a few dozen targets were zapped by the alien weapons, Earth gave up, and the aliens landed to take over the government. Prior negotiations were brief and to the point. Have everyone lined up, papers ready to sign, then we'll go inside and get to work on the inventory. Saucers settled noiselessly on the White House Lawn, Red Square, the Thames River, Tokyo, Beijing, etc., etc. where they were met by presidents, prime ministers, In classical military style, armed soldiers boiled out of the ship and formed a skirmish line, weapons at the ready. The immediate area secure, the military governor waddled down the ramp to the waiting committee to formally accept the unconditional surrender . . . to be met with sounds of "Awww, ain't they cute!" in dozens of languages. Picture, if you will a two-foot teddy bear with soft fur, big brown eyes, and who couldn't pronounce his 'L's and 'S's. The fact that these loveable little creatures packed a sidearm that could cook you to a turn and had just conquered the Earth, was totally irrelavant. All the world wanted to do was cuddle them. "Surrender immediately" just didn't have that old zing when it came from a refugee from toyland that talked like Elmer Fudd. The President of the United States bent over and extended his hand. The head teddy accepted it, inspected it, and handed it back. "Where are the paperth?" "Right here, your excellency." The president gestured to the table set up on the grass, and put a hand on the emissary's head and patted it in the indicated direction. His excellency, the commander-in-chief of all the invasion forces, leaned against the hand and "thrummed". "I just couldn't keep my hands off the little guy," the president was later heard to remark. The new governor climbed into a chair, (three dignitaries rushed to give him a hand up), signed the papers, and said, "Wet'th get to work now." "But your excellency," the president objected, "300 million people are watching you right now. Won't you speak to them?" "If I mutht." He looked into the camera and gave a little bear cough to clear his throat. Thitithenth of the United Thates. I would wike to thank the president, and indeed aww the weaderth of the Earth for their intewwigence in thurrendering. We accept thith thurrender in the name of the peopoo of the [Growl](Pop)THTHTH Empire." "Sounds like a flat tire," the president whispered to his wife. "He's so cute," she replied. "The [Growl](Pop)THTHTH have an empire over a hundred pwanets. Eweven of them have intewwigent wife on them. Humanth are the motht advanthed rath we have encountered tho far. "I go now to confer with your prethident on how we may improve the Earth and bring gwory to the [Growl](Pop)THTHTH. Boss Bear turned, hopped nimbly from the chair, and led the entourage, human and teddy, into the White House. The [Growl](Pop)THTHTH proved to be benevolent masters. With the experience of a dozen subjugated races they had learned to use whatever local systems were available to extract their due. Humans had thoughtfullyt provided that system through taxation. The teddies moved into the pentagon and began dismantling the armies of the world. Within a month, soldiers and sailors were home looking for gainful employment. Defense contractors were closing their doors, and the teddies had their first domestic crisis . . . unemployment. This was solved by creating a fully-blown space industry. Contracts were negotiated, designs were brought out of back rooms, and orbiting laboratories were designed and launched in weeks instead of decades. The teddy propusion system was installed in space shuttles and submarines. Just about anything that could hold air was converted to spacecraft. Back yard mechanics soon were building space ships that looked like fifteen-foot spiders. Designs appeared in Mechanix Illustrated. (Kits available for $5000) By the second month, there were 10,000 people permanently living in space and another 100,000 getting ready to go. Hundreds of one and two-man spiders swarmed the asteroid belt, attaching lines, and hauling back million-ton chunks of nickle-iron to orbiting smelters. U.S. Steel announced plans to close its earthside plants and transfer all operations to orbit. The teddies themselves were the darlings of the world. In Washington, hostesses planned parties around the bears' schedule. Matrons in evening gowns crowded around to stroke a furry head and coo at the thrumming equivalent of a purr. Invitations came from virtually every grade school in the world for a teddy to come and visit. Six months after the invasion, the big saucers, with rooms too small for humans, were deserted. Every teddy from the boss bear to the lowliest foot soldier was scheduled into the next decade. Sleeping arrangements were invariably made by small children who would throw horrendous tantrums if teddy couldn't sleep with them. "It'th O.K." the alien would invariably announce. "I wiu sweep with the chiwdren." And when it came time to leave, great big salty tears rolled down chubby little cheeks. "Please don't go, Teddy. You can sleep in my room with me. Stay and be my friend. I'll brush your fur for you every day. We can play games and watch TV together all the time. I love you, Teddy. Please don't leave." Children loved teddies, and teddies loved to be cuddled and scratched. In many cases, Teddy didn't leave. The family teddy watched the kids, helped them with their homework, balanced the checkbook, ate at the table, and stayed with the family from generation to generation. In return, they were cuddled, loved, combed, brushed, pampered, and scratched behind the ears. No bully bothered a kid whose best friend had teeth, claws, the fastest reflexes on a dozen planets, and a real blaster. If a neighborhood child were beaten, several teddies showed up to inform the responsible party that the bears were in charge, and repeat violators were simply taken out to space for a swim. Human-built ships reached to the stars and returned with tens of thousands of willing [Growl](Pop)THTHTH for humans to love. Thus ended the invasion. EPILOGUE Boss bear climbed painfully to the sofa to nestle between the two humans. The trio sat and watched the Tri-V report of another starship returning from its explorations. The drone of the announcer went unheard by the bear, whose hearing had long since faded. The silver-haired woman pulled the little alien closer and scratched the offered ear. The aged teddy leaned his furry head against her, sighed, and closed his eyes. "He's gone, Charles." The man's vision blurred with silent tears. "I remember when Grandpa sent him to me. I was so proud to have the family teddy living with me." "Did he really come down in the invasion?" "That's what he always said, and teddies don't lie." "Still, that's an awfully long time." "Over three hundred years." Two teddies stepped forward to carry the body of the first boss bear away. The human waved them off. "I'll carry him," said the old man. "Like I've done since I was a little boy." Tears fell unashamedly on the pelt of his lifelong friend as the man lifted the small, lifeless body to gently cradle the little bear in his arms one last time. "Damn," his voice breaking around the lump in his throat. "I'm going to miss you, Teddy." (C) 1991 Daniel Robinson 3315 E. Virginia Avenue West Covina, CA 91791 GEnie: Dan.Robinson