...My radio is tuned to the voice of a star...
?pu gnikcab yb naem uoy tahw siht sI
"Beam me aboard Scotty!" <-> "Will a 2 X 4 do Captain?"
"Build a watch in 56,179 easy steps" by C. Forsberg.
"C.I.A." -- A contradiction in terms most of the time.
"Cashew?"  "Gesundheit!"
"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"
"Dust bunnies threaten thousand points of light" -G. Bush 
"Experience comes from bad judgment." - Mark Twain.
"Graphic Artist seeks Boss with vision impairment."
"Happiness is a warm puppy." said the anaconda.
"He who hesitates is lunch !"
"Honey?" is that what you call this bee barf?
"How to Boil Water, in 500 easy steps" by Chuck Forsberg.
"I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates.
"I'm not asz think asz you drunk I am, Ossifer!"
"If he catches you, you're through" - Mr. R. Runner.
"If he catches you, you're through" - Road Runner.
"If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates
"Isn't everybody happy?" - Machiavelli
"It" has fallen, and "it" won't get up.
"Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you,"  - Beelzebub.
"Life," he said, "Don't talk to ME about life!".
"Make love not war" people probably flunked both.
"Nietzsche is dead,"   God.
"No, I said Bud Light!" - Captain of the Hindenburg
"None of the Above" for President.
"Nurse! I said: "SLIP off his SPECtacles!"
"Off with her head!" shouted the Queen.
"Ok, now for a quick backuœÃá&ý#^1sð"
"Once,"  adverb:  Enough.
"Scotty. hurry. beam me"  uragg^*úþœ NO CARRIER.
"Suicide Hotline...please hold for the next available..."
"That's entertainment," - Vlad the Impaler.
"There's no intelligent life here Scotty -- Beam me up"
"Tourist Season" : When it's OK to shoot them.
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
"Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver."
"Who cares for you? You're but a deck of cards," -Alice.
((wrong && wrong) != right)
(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer.
(D)inner not ready:  (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza.
$ not found:  A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy.
$$ doesn't buy happiness, if you don't know where to shop
$$$ not found --  A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy
* FORD    Fix or Repair Daily.
* The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
*********************************************************
*********************************************************
*************************** e n d ***********************
**FLASH** Eveready Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
*IT IS* documented, look under "For Internal Use Only."
*NOW* is a point in time that is already gone.
<-------- The information went data way -------->
<< Just some more irrelevant nonsense from me. >>
<<< Tagline deleted by Natl Endowment for the Arts >>>
<tap> <tap> <tap> Is this thing on?
<This space unintentionally left blank>.
<This Tagline has been removed by U.S. Customs>.
#:-)   <:÷÷÷÷÷÷÷   - Snake stalking person.
########### <------Scratch off to reveal your prize.
ç™™  Ú¿–€Ã¿  $îx  �ôôî›ç$  �™šr  î˜î$¡gÿç....
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... (Bo Derek getting older).
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
1024x768x256.... Sounds like one mean woman.
11th Commandment: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's tag
123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567
186,282 miles per second, it's the LAW.
1st Amendment Rights: use them or lose them.
1st rule of marriage: If you're right, apologize fast.
2 x 4 bbs - a basic board.
2+2=4 (for the time being).
24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case.  Hmmmm.....
3 dreaded words: " hard disk failure."
3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.
43% of all statistics are totally worthless..
43rd Law of Computing:  Anything that can go wrong, will.
486SX: When only the most recent mediocrity will do...
5¬  floppy is not better than 3«  hard.
640k = 4480 in dog bytes.
640K ought to be enough for anybody. -Bill Gates, 1981.
8 of 10 people suffer hemorrhoids the other 2 enjoy them.
80% of men cheat in America, the rest in Europe.
90% of any business transaction is selling yourself.
90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
90% of politicians give the other 10% a bat reputation.
93.4% of all statistics are made up.  The rest are false.
A "lotus?"  I thought that was a Grasshopper.
A "program" is used to turn data into error messages.
A bachelor enjoys the chase but doesn't eat the game.
A bad peace is even worse than a war.
A bear robbed of cubs is safer than the folly of fools.
A beard signifies lice, not brains.
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
A big enough hammer can usually fix anything.
A big mouth travels far and fast.
A bigot will not reason, a fool cannot, a slave dare not.
A billion dollars isn't what it used to be.
A billion here, a billion there, soon it is real money.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A bird in the hand's better than one overhead.
A bird in the bush can't make a mess in your hand.
A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.
A bonded penguin is a happy penguin.
A book, a friend, a song, a glass, a chaste loving lass.
A book is the only immortality.
A brilliant smile will get you fan mail from lighthouses.
A Canadian is somebody who can make love in a canoe.
A cannibal only opens his mouth to change your feet.
A cat would be man's best friend, but never stoops to it.
A celebrity is a person who is known for well-knownness.
A child prodigy knows not to bother with it.
A choice is always possible, even without any options.
A clean, neat, and orderly desk is a sign of a sick mind.
A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no flies.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A closed mouth maintains a happy mind.
A cold Diet Coke and another Camel.
A committee has six or more legs and no brain.
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord
A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking.
A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet.
A critic knows the way but can't drive the vehicle.
A cynic smells the flowers and then looks for the casket.
A day without sunshine is like a night.
A day without okra is like a day without sunshine.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A deluge of words and drop of sense.
A deluge of words and drop of sense.
A dime saved is a dollar earned. The rest is Uncle Sam's.
A diploma proves only that you know how to find an answer
A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere
A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
A farmer is always going to make it rich the next year.
A father is usually a banker provided by nature.
A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
A fool and his money are soon partying!
A fool must search for a greater fool to find admiration.
A fool must now and then be right by chance alone.
A friend in need is a pest.
A friend is something you earn.
A generation which ignores history has no past or future.
A gentleman can disagree without being disagreeable.
A good angle to approach any problem is the try-angle.
A good dog barks when told.
A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
A good library must always be a two way street.
A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
A good marriage outlasts the first box of dental floss.
A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial.
A good organizer is the one who is careful to plan ahe
A good pun is its own reword.
A good rooster crows in any hen house.
A good scare is better than good advice.
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit.
A gourmet thinking calories is a tart looking at a clock.
A great many family trees were started by grafting.
A gun gives you the body, not the bird.
A hangover:  the wrath of grapes.
A hard disk is good to find.
A heavy night snowstorm is God saying: "Take today off."
A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.
A hen tomorrow is more valuable than an egg today.
A hen who lays an egg cackles as if it was an asteroid.
A hole is nothing but you can still break your neck in it
A horse is a horse, of course, of course.
A horse may go freely to water, but a pencil must be lead
A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart.
A hundred stars do not equal the light of the one moon.
A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong.
A husband is a lover with the nerve extracted.
A husband is the medicine for the ills of girlhood.
A jerk present in a group indicates a jerk in charge.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A jug is carried under your coat for a dishonest reason.
A KGB keyboard has no <ESC> key.
A kind word and gun gets you more than a kind word alone.
A king's castle is his home.
A lady is one who only shows her underwear intentionally.
A lady wearing a chastity belt is not going to a ball.
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for.
A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.
A leap year is never a good sheep year.
A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.
A liar isn't believed even when he speaks the truth.
A liberal is a person with no interests now at stake.
A lie in time saves nine.
A lie is terminological inexactitude.
A little ignorance can go a long way.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
A little truth helps the lie go down.
A living example of Artificial Intelligence.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, or was it here?
A lotus? I thought that was a Grasshopper.
A low yield atomic bomb is like being a bit pregnant.
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow.
A man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple.
A man in the house is worth two on the street - Mae West.
A man is only as good as what he loves.
A man should live forever, or die trying.
A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.
A man without a god is like a fish without a bicycle.
A man's a man for that.
A man's house is his hassle.
A mind is a terrible thing to taste.
A mind is a terrible thing to lay off.
A minister says matrimony should be enduring.  It is.
A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
A mob has many heads, but no brains.
A mother-in-law is often a mother.
A mother is not a dust rag.
A mother of quintuplets gave spouse a separate bedroom.
A mother pampering a child is raising a serpent.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
A mouse is an elephant built in Japan.
A new mother soon becomes a chief cook and bottom washer.
A newspaper is to a book as a whore is to a lady.
A newspaper is a collection of half-injustices.
A noisy exhaust to some almost amounts to a mating call.
A nose in artificial manure is not studying nature.
A nudist has no reason to fear a pickpocket.
A nudist is one who suffers from clothestrophobia.
A nudist wedding makes the best man easy to identify.
A ounce of pretension = a pound of manure.
A pain in the butt may be a friend in need..
A pen is mightier than a sword except it runs out of ink.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy.
A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 am.
A person does not have a sense of humor, it has you.
A person in a passion is riding a mad horse.
A person is a lion in his own cause.
A person never tells you anything until contradicted.
A person with two watches is never sure what time it is.
A person without a navel lives within all of us.
A person's got to know his limitations to avoid failure.
A pest: A friend in need.
A piano is a piano is a piano. Gertrude Steinway.
A pitcher that goes to a well too often is broken first.
A plucked goose doesn`t lay golden eggs.
A poet is a kind of liar who always speaks the truth.
A poet reading his verse in public has a nasty habit.
A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
A problem can be found for almost every solution.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A programmer and his mind are soon parted
A recession is what takes the wind out of your sales.
A red nose can be the result of sunshine or moonshine.
A Robin redbreast in a cage puts all heaven in a rage.
A rock ----->me<----- A hard place.
A rolling stone is better than a bird in the hand.
A rooster clucks defiance -- but a lawyer.
A Rotarian was the first to call John the Baptist "Jack."
A school: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
A shot in the dark = searching for a needle in hay stack.
A shower is the halfway point between bed and world.
A simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
A slap vs a slog is like a ribbon vs an obi.
A sleeping fox counts hens in his dreams.
A small object that is accidentally dropped will hide.
A smile is the sunshine that is a part of life.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces every time.
A spoonful of sugar helps any medicine go down.
A statesman shears sheep, a politician skins them.
A table of contents has no drawers.
A teetotaller makes the worst drunkard.
A teetotaller makes the worst drunkard.
A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart.
A thief believes that everybody steals.
A thing of beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
A tidal wave of avalanche proportions.
A too-short mini skirt leaves a definitive end in view.
A true diplomat struts sitting down.
A true friend is the best possession.
A true friend is one soul in two bodies.
A true subwoofer makes the concrete shake beneath you.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its written on.
A vote on the tally sheet is worth two in the box.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one.
A whore is a whore for the same reason some of us aren't.
A wife lasts as long as a marriage, an ex-wife for ever.
A wise person sees as much as ought, not as much can.
A wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
A woman must be a genius to create a good husband.
A woman's guess is more accurate than a man's certainty.
A word fitly spoken is like a beautiful apple of gold.
A worthless wise man always charms the rabble.
A writer thinks of critics as a tree feels about dogs.
A yawn is a silent shout.
A yer ago I kudnt spel progrmer now I are won.
A)bort R)etry G)et a gun and kill it.
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
AARRGHH!! A virus was chewing my FAT.
Abandon hope, all ye who <ENTER> here.
Abandon the search for truth: settle on a good fantasy.
Abdominos... sit-ups & pizza.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
Abolish mornings.
Abort, Retry, Ignore, hold Requiem Mass?
Abort, Retry, Ignore, say Kaddish?
Abort, Retry, Ignore, Valium?
Abort, Retry, Ignore, plan a Funeral Service?
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Accountants work their assets off.
Accuracy:  The vice of being right.
ACK and ye shall receive.
Acting is the art of keeping the audience from coughing.
Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming.
Actions are neither as good nor as evil as impulses.
Actions are usually right, but the reasons seldom are.
Actions from sanity are not necessarily from feeling.
Actions speak louder than words -- but not so often.
Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache.
Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention.
Admiration: Polite recognition of self-reflection.
Adult:  One old enough to know better.
Adventure is the champagne of life.
Adversity makes people wise but not rich.
Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.
Advertisement: The most truthful part of a newspaper.
After a snowstorm, everybody's lawn looks the same.
After all is said and done, usually more is said.
After four decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
After two weeks of dieting, all I lost was two weeks.
Against stupidity, the Gods themselves, contend in vain.
Age and treachery can always overcome youth and skill.
Age is never a bar to human immaturity.
Age is only important if you're a cheese.
Age needn't necessarily be a bar to immaturity.
aibohphobia, n., The fear of palindromes.
Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.
Aliens have invaded Earth! How else do you explain DOS?
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
all is said and done, people keep saying and doing.
All answers questioned here.
All barkers are not side show hawkers.
All clowns are masked, all personae flow from choices.
All computers wait at the same speed.
All for one; one for all, except me above all.
All general statements are false, except this one.
All great truths began as blasphemies.
All hope abandon ye who enter messages here.
All human life ends when you take a "dirt nap."
All humans are subject to decay.
All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
All I have to do is imagine, and I am in dreamland.
All mathochists suffer from calculust.
All of the stars are to be found only up in the sky.
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
All probabilities are 50%. It happens or it doesn't.
All real programs contain errors.
All reality is aspect dependent.
All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
All sentences that seem true should be questioned.
All taglines are busy..One will be with you shortly.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All the kookies are not in the jar.
All the tea in china: 356,000 metric tons.
All things are difficult before they are easy.
All things evolve, nothing is extinguished.
All those updates, and still imperfect.
All true wisdom is discovered in tag lines.
All wanting joy must share it, happiness was born a twin.
All warranties expire upon payment of this invoice.
All wiyht.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
All words are pegs on which to hang ideas.
All your future lies beneath your hat.
All's fair in love and war - What a contemptible lie.
All's well that ends well.
Alone in a bank at night is a pleasant experience.
Altruism is the devil's calling card.
Always be smarter than the people who hire you.
Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
Always do right: Gratify some and astonish the rest.
Always first decide the sentence, then the verdict.
Always format alphanumerically, then preview graphically.
Always listen to experts. Hear the impossible then do it.
Always look out for #1 and be careful not to step in #2.
Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Always put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
Always remember that a moving neutrino gathers no mass.
Always remember the past, but make waves when it matters.
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
Always remember, to copy a disk is not to Xerox it.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Always remember where you came from so you can return.
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Always smile.  It makes people wonder what you're up to.
Always store beer in a cool dark place.
Always take aim at the Tidy Bowl Man.
Always tell her she is beautiful, even if she isn't.
Always use your enemy's hand to catch a snake.
Always willing to share my ignorance...
Always yield to temptation, it may never return.
Alzheimer's Club: Meet the same new friend every day.
Am I ignorant or apathetic?  I don't know and don't care!
Amazing how much you learn after thinking you know it all
Ambition destroys its possessor.
America is a dream to most of the world.
America is a tune.  But it must be sung in harmony.
America is the only country founded on a good ideal.
America, land of opportunity for Japanese businessmen.
America was not discovered by Americans, shame on them.
America's 5 Most Feared Words: "Dan, I don't feel well.
American politics: The walruses herding the oysters.
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
An accommodating vice is better than an obstinate virtue.
An actor without buck teeth can play the Easter Bunny.
An agreeable person: One who agrees with you.
An alcoholic is an enemy who drinks as much as you do.
An alcoholic: A person who drinks more than his physician
An appeaser feeds a crocodile, hoping to be eaten last.
An ass thinks one thing, his rider another.
An atheist has no invisible means of support.
An attacker must vanquish, a defender need only survive.
An authority is anyone who guessed right more than once.
An electrical engineer deals with current events.
An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
An honest politician: One who stays bought.
An idea is not responsible for fools who believe in it.
An inch of dog is better than a mile of pedigree.
An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.
An open mind is wonderful if matching mouth not included.
An optimist invented an airplane; a pessimist a parachute
An optimist is a guy without much experience.
An ounce of example is worth a ton of advice.
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
An over the hill astronaut requests a slower capsule.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Anarchy: Rights without Responsibilities.
Ancient custom has the force of law.
And all the children are above average in our system.
And God said, "Let there be light, but make it quick."
And now a word from Wall Street: "HELP!"
And now for something completely different.
And now for something completely ridiculous...
And now, let the fun begin.
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
And this is your brain over-easy with a side of bacon.
And when fate summons even the Tsar must obey.
And you know Flipper, he lives in a world full of wonder.
Angels can fly since they take themselves lightly.
Anger always drives the mouth faster than the mind.
Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of reason.
Angling: The name given to fishing by non-fishermen.
Animal attraction: here for hunger or for love.
Animals -- the renewable resource
Another day, another challenge.
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Antenna farms benefit from propagation.
Antonym:  The opposite of the word you're searching for.
Any certainty is a delusion.
Any day can be the beginning of a new year.
Any fool can tell the truth, it takes sense to lie well.
Any given program,  when running correctly, is obsolete.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse protects the fuse.
Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
Any priest or shaman is guilty until proven innocent.
Any socialism involves more slavery than democracy.
Any sufficiently advanced magic looks like technology.
Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
Anybody can say they'll do something, few actualize it.
Anybody can win, unless there is a second entry.
Anyone can hate. It costs to love.
Anyone can walk on water, just know where the rocks are.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Anything I make can become a cause for my sorrow.
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
Anything not a constant, is not a commandment from God.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
Anything simple is stated in the most complicated manner.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken can be sung.
Anything worth doing is worth getting someone else to do
Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit.
Anytime things go better, you have overlooked something.
Apathy Error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key.
Apathy Error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key
Apathy Error:  Don't bother striking any key.
Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
Applied emotion is the key to success with happiness.
April 16th: Count your blessings - nothing else is left.
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
Are deaf psychiatrists better listeners?
Are dog biscuits made from Collie Flour?
Are RAM chips better than EWE chips?
Are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?
Are we supposed to be having fun yet?
Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head?
Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch?
Are you part of the solution, or the precipitate?
Are you virus free? Be sure with URINALIS.EXE.
Are you waiting for your prey?
Arkansas: Bubble-gum cards are in the Great Books series.
Army food: The spoils of war.
Art does not reproduce the visible; it makes visible.
Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed.
Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
Art is I; Science is We.
Art is vision not expression.
Art thou an artist, or art thou art?
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.
Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
Artists' models make only a bare living.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841.
As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.
As I learn, I know about more things I don't yet know.
As I said last week, I'll be done tomorrow.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
As I was going up a stair, I met a man who wasn't there.
As I was saying, I hate it when people don't finish their
As lacking in privacy as a goldfish.
As long as I live, I shall be, myself, no other, just me.
As long as we remain unsure, we are alive.
As you stroll through life always remember: HELL SUCKS!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls the answer can be deadly.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.
Asking PAC BELL for advice is like asking IRS tax advice.
ASL has 15 signs for stupidity; 3 for smart.
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Assembly line workers do it over and over.
Assumption #1: Dan Quayle is smarter than broccoli.
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
Astrology is Taurus.
Astronomy: The anatomy and physiology of our universe.
Astrophysicans try to cure sick stars.
At 19, everything is possible; tomorrow looks friendly.
At all ages you are certain you still have another year.
At least you can always use my code as a bad example.
At times we must settle for inferior  quality time.
At yuletide, astronauts look for the missile toe.
Attack long worms from the rear - that is so much safer.
Attention K-Mart shoppers, today the special is...
ATTENTION ..............Elvis has left the echo.
Aunt Em. Hate Kansas. Hate you. Took dog. Dorothy.
Autobiography: Unrivalled telling truth about others.
Automobile mufflers don't die, they just get exhausted.
Avant-Garde Narrow: a typeface for the broad-minded.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Avoid fighting with the ugly, they have nothing to lose.
Avoid home accidents, joined planned parenthood.
Avoid junk mail, get an unlisted ZIP code.
Avoid Mailmen...............They Are Carriers.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon.
Avoid The Noid.
Bach is like a jetstream -if you can get on it, you soar!
Bachelor: A guy who has cheated a woman out of a divorce.
Bachelor: Plays the field until the field comes in.
Bachelor's wives and spinster's children: always perfect.
Bachelorhood should be taxed, such happiness is valuable.
Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch.
Back when I was a boy, we carved our own ICs out of wood.
Backup not found: Abort, Retry, Massive heart failure?
Backups?  We don' *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx.
Bad command or file name.  Go stand in the corner.
Bad officials: elected by good citizens who fail to vote.
Bad spelers of the word, untie.
Bad spellers of the world untie.
Banging head against wall mode - off.
Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
Bank Rule: To get a loan, first prove you don't need it.
Baptism: A kind of damp bar mitzvah.
Barometer: Indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Baroque: When you are out of Monet.
BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don't RETURN.
Bastard toadflax: not the result nearsighted horny toads.
Bathroom scale: Something you stand on and swear at.
Batteries not included.
BBS: a method to triple your phone bill.
Be a friend to the earth and it will be a friend to you.
Be Alert -- what the world needs is more LERTS.
Be as good at receiving as you are at giving.
Be careful when playing under the anvil tree.
Be careful when slinging mud, you might lose ground.
Be flexible, some things just take time.
Be mischievous and creative, if they fit you.
Be nice on your way up you'll meet again on the way down.
Be reasonable ... Let's do it my way.
Be right & fear no man.  Don't write & fear no woman.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Be smart as a cat: Make a friend of your enemy's enemy.
Be spontaneous.......combust.
Be sure to use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.
Be suspicious of all non-native-born Esperanto speakers.
Be vewy, vewy quiet....I'm hunting tagwines.
Beam me up Scotty.... I swallowed my Phaser.
Beat's me!!! I never read the documentation.
Beauty faded has no second spring.
Beauty is often in the thighs of the beholder.
Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes straight to the bone.
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Beep. Invalid Input.  I take only cash.
Beer and women: Two of God's best gifts to mankind.
Beer!, Now that's a temporary solution.
Beer! Now there's a temporary solution.
Before advising be yourself, reassess his character.
Beginnings and endings are truly artificial constructs.
Behind an able man, there are always other able men.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Behind every successful man stands a surprised MIL.
Being a "nice guy" doesn't cost, but it generally pays.
Being a husband is a full time job.
Being able to say NO is the root to reclaiming your life.
Being alive: Concentrating on goals, not limitations.
Being married means making both love *AND* war.
Being old fashioned is not necessarily good or better.
Being punctual makes people think you have nothing to do.
Beneath every stone sleeps a scorpion.
Benign: What you are after you be eight.
Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it.
Best thing about the future: it comes one day at a time.
Best way to keep your friends: don't give them away.
Best way to appreciate a job: imagine yourself without it
Beta testers do it until it breaks.
Better a coward for a minute than dead forever.
Better loved and lost than never lost at all.
Better the shoulder to the wheel than the back to the A I
Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
Better to marry a man who loves you than one you love.
Better to understand little than misunderstand a lot.
Beulah, peel me a grape.
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
Beware of geeks bearing GIFs!
Beware of hip and rum drivers.
Beware of little expenses. A small leak can sink a ship.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
Beware of opinions of anyone with or without any facts.
Beware of plants that eat their young
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Beware of the opinion of someone without any facts.
Beware of the Quantum Ducks -- QUARK  QUARK  QUARK.
Beware of the woman who does not drink.
Beware of true believers you may be duped by a false god.
Beware the person who has nothing to lose. He always wins
Beware when God lets loose a thinker on this planet.
Beware. I'm armed and have suffered from PMS all my life.
Beware! This is a dangerous product, manuals required.
Big Brother is watching.
Bigamist: An Italian fog.
Bigamist: One who makes the same mistake twice.
Bigamy: One wife too many.  Monogamy: Same idea...
Binary Choir = 1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1.
Biochemists wear designer genes.
Biography should be written by an acute enemy.
Biography: One of the terrors of death.
Biological love =/= chemical love.
Biology is destiny.
Birds are trapped by their feet, people by their tongues.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date.
Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on.
Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on.
Black holes were created when God divided by zero.
Blame Murphy when you dig at the wrong end of a rainbow.
Blaming others can become a satisfying way of life.
Bless the peacemakers their work will never end.
Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth.
Blessed are the young, let them inherit the national debt
Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups.
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.
Blessed is he expecting nothing, and never disappointed.
Blessed our young they will inherit our national debt.
Blessings never come in pairs; misfortunes never alone.
Blond Mating Call:  Oh, I'm so drunk [giggle].
Blood is thicker than water, and much more tastier.
Blow your mind, smoke gunpowder.
Boldly going forward because we simply can't find reverse
Boldly start in reverse, 'cause that's the genealogy way.
Bomb #20, you're out of the bomb bay again.
Boot & ye shall see. Replace & all will be made clear.
Boozer's Revision: A bird in the hand is dead.
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Born crying, live complaining, die disappointed.
Born free and taxed to death.
BOSS spelled backwards is Double S-O-B
Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air.
Boy:  A noise with dirt on it.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Brain damage?  No thanks, I already have some.
Brain, like muscle, works better if regularly exercised.
Brain:  The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breast implant silicon should not influence brains.
Bride: Woman with fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bring me my blue soap box. I want to make a speech.
Bring the whole family...but leave the kids at home.
Bubble, Bubble..Am I too late to jump the ship ?
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Bug free, cheap, on time, works. Pick two.
Bugs are sons of glitches.
Build a better Windows, and kids will still throw rocks.
Build a better mousetrap and along will come better mice.
Build a vast arena, then put a half-vast team therein.
Bumper sticker: Honk if you're illiterate.
Bureaucracy: That place always in need of a laxative.
Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways.
BUSH.SYS corrupted, recommend optimizing politics.
But God told me to use a GOTO.
But God TOLD me to use a GOTO.
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer, Gie her a haggis.
But once you are real, you can't become unreal again.
But you Thaid it wath a PITH helmet!
Buy a 486-33 so you can reboot faster.
By following the good, you learn to be good.
By the time I have money to burn, my fire will be out.
By the time we've made it, we've had it.
By the way, you're soaking in it.
By trying we can learn to endure another's adversity.
C program run... Run, program, run...  PLEASE...
C programming means never having to say you're done.
C:\>  The stick shift of computing.
C'est la vie.
California is a fine place to live, if you are an orange.
California makes the best wine, New York the best whine.
California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
Call out the vice squad.  Someone's mounting a disk drive
Call waiting, great if you have two friends.
Camels have wet dreams too.
Can a blue man sing the whites?
Can bankers count? Eight windows and only four tellers?
Can I blame all of my spelling on line noise?
Can I go back to bed now?
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
Can you open your mind without it falling out?
Can you prove it didn't happen?
Can you see it Joker?  It's written all over my face.
Can you teach an old hooker new tricks?
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?
Can't see it? It's there.  I'm using stealth technology.
Candy's dandy but liquor's quicker. - O.N.
Capitalistic man exploits man; Socialism reverses this.
Carasvemos, corazones no sabemos.
Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel.
Carelessness does more harm than a want of knowledge.
Cash, a poor person's credit card.
Catastrophes to others are everyday events to you.
Cats are like furry dilettanti, or the reverse?
Cats, proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad.
Cats teach that not everything in nature has a function.
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Caution! - Bug squashing in progress.
Ceci n'est pas un chapeau.
Cedant arma togae.
Celebrate Hannibal Day.  Take an elephant to lunch.
Celebrate the first day you open the windows.
Celery farmers play the stalk market.
Celery raw develops a jaw. But stewed, is quietly chewed.
Celibacy isn't hereditary. Your children force it on you.
Cemetery: (n); A marble orchard you can take for granite.
Certum est quia impossibile est.
Cesarean Section: A historic district in Rome.
Challenge is the fuel that drives the winner.
Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends.
Change is inevitable ... except from vending machines.
Character is much easier kept than recovered.
Charity begins at home, and mostly ends where it begins.
Chaste makes waste.
Chastity Belt is here. Do you have the right key?
Chastity is it's own punishment.
Check the dilithium crystals, we've got a cross-echo.
Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators.
Chicken Little was right.
Childish Game: One at which your spouse beats you.
Children are curly, dimpled lunatics.
Children deserve to be wanted, and feel free and safe.
Children have more need of models than of critics.
Children: the most common sexually transmitted disease.
Chocolate coat them words. You'll be eating them later.
Choose heaven for climate, hell for society.
Choose your friends, allow your enemies to choose you.
Choosy perverts choose GIF.
cigar is just a cigar.
Circular logic will only get you dizzy.
Cities, like cats, will reveal themselves at night.
Civilization is a movement, it is a voyage not a harbor.
Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
Claiming mental bankruptcy is always an easy option.
Classified tagline==Please enter password._
Clean mind, clean body:  Take your pick.
Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, in the dictionary.
Clever father, clever daughter; clever mother, clever son
Click...click...click...damn, out of new taglines.
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
Climbing my family tree was fun, until the nuts appeared.
Clinton may not have inhaled but Brown has never exhaled.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Closed eyes are not always sleeping.
Closing bid, ask, and total sales of stocks not traded.
COBOL programs are an example of artificial inelegance.
COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out.
Cogito, ergo Hormel - I think, therefore I Spam.
Cogito ergo spud!  (I think, therefore I yam).
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Colic: a sheepdog that is part collie.
Collector: Person few care to see but ask to call again.
College: Guarantee the quality of the product or return.
Come back to Oakland, we missed you the first time.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without puking.
Comment vous sentez-vous aujourdn'hui?
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Committee: A life-form with several mouths but no brain.
Common politics: Holding an office of trust for profit.
Common sense isn't.
Communication.. without it, everyone's a mushroom.
Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it.
Communists do it without class.
Complexity isn't the answer - it's the problem.
Computations which yield 0 are probably all for naught.
Computer: a device designed to drive human beings insane.
Computers also eliminate spare time.
Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are more unreliable.
Computers byte and run.
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Computers don't make mistakes, but foolish people do.
Computing is one of the terminal diseases.
Condense soup, not books.
Confirmation of the past is often the greatest surprise.
Confucius say: Man with hand in pocket is having a ball.
Confucius say: Show-off always shown up in showdown.
Congenital: Adjective synonymous to "friendly."
Congress finds more profit in supporting tobacco than you
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Conscience: the inner voice warning somebody is looking.
Conserve water.  Ban salted peanuts.
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Constants aren't; variables don't.
Consult with a real expert - Call your mother.
Contains no user-serviceable parts.
Contents may settle during shipping.
Contraceptives: to be used on all conceivable occasions.
Corporations don't care about people as much as money. 
Correct me if I'm wrong ... everybody else does.
Corruption. The most infallible symptom of liberty.
Couldn't have sid it better myself.
Courage is your greatest present need.
Cow's breath attracts mosquitoes and tsetse flies!
Coward:  One who in thinks with his legs.
Cowards can never be moral.
CP/M + IBM = 'Just about what we got NOW.'
CPU time flies when you're having fun.
Crashed? I wasn't even driving.
Creativity demands curiosity in the search for knowledge.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Criminal: The poor guy who gets caught.
Cross ball points with coat hangers so they multiply.
Cross-country skiing is great in small countries.
Cross Lassie with cantaloupe and get a meloncollie baby.
Curly; " Oooh, short wave?"  Moe: "No, permanent."
Curmudgeons are cantankerous and churlish.
Custom is the law of fools.
Cute rots the intellect.
Cyberspace forever and ever and ever.
Cynic: Through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
Cynicism is intellectual dandyism.
Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long.
Daddy, what does 'read error in FAT' mean?"
Daddy.  What does Formatting Drive C: mean?
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true.
Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline writer.
Damn the baud rate, full speed ahead.
Damn your "Once more for old times sake."
Dan Quayle asks: "Are Cheerios are bagel or donut seeds?"
Dan Quayle has all the charisma of a speed bump.
Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of Vice-Presidents.
Dancing with a grass widow brings on hay fever.
Dancing: A vertical manifestation of a horizontal desire.
DANGER DANGER Computer store ahead...hide wallet.
DANGER. Human at keyboard.
Dangerous exercise: jumping to conclusions.
Dare to dream - no one can take that away from you.
Data, data everywhere, and not a byte to eat.
David Duke: A crazy quilt is more apropos than a sheet.
David Duke: He climbs into bed and he's in uniform.
David Duke: Same old sheet.
David Duke: Sheet for brains.
Dawn: the time when men of reason go to bed.
Day-by-day a day goes by.
Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
De los sos ojos tan fuertemientre lorando.
Death is certain, life isn't.
Death is nature's way for telling you you've slowed down.
Defeat even explained well stinks.
Defeat is worse than death since you have to live with it
DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law.
Del dicho al hecho hay gran trecho.
DEL *.*     Does WHAT?
Demand a 9600 BAUD psychomodem and a telepathic protocol.
Democracy can withstand anything but militant democrats.
Democracy, the worst government except for all the others
Democratic rule: "Confusion creates jobs."
Democrats: We've got what it takes to take what you got.
Dermatologists give rash judgments.
Desecrate, decimate, rah. rah. rah.
Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers.
Destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice.
Detour: The roughest distance between two points.
Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter.
Devoted to the study of cat bathing as a martial art.
Dew is the tears which the stars weep.
Did Humpty Dumpty have major medical insurance?
Did my ancestors inbreed? My genes seem tight.
Did you ever stop to think, and then forget to restart?
Did you hear about the new deli that opened in India??
Did you know that no-one ever reads these things?
Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
Did you really expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Die smiling, life is too important to take seriously.
Difficult? I wish it had been impossible!
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before.
Dilate: What happens when you live too long.
Dime de lo que blasonas, y te dire de lo quwe careces.
Diode: What happens to people who don't die young.
Dios tarda pero no olvida.
Diplomacy gets your out of what tact would have prevented
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.
Diplomacy: the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior.
Diplomacy: The patriotic lying for one's country.
Disaster often rests closely to success.
Disco is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
Discoveries are often made by not following instructions.
Disease is the retribution of an outraged nature.
Do artificial plants need artificial water?
Do blondes prefer gentlemen?
Do cellular phones cause reckless dialing?
Do files get embarrassed being unZIPped?
Do fish wonder where all the toes go after Labor Day?
Do health nuts die of nothing?
Do I even WANT ancestors? Some I wish I could lose.
Do I have to pee whenever I see a sign:   WET FLOOR ?
Do I have a lifestyle yet?
Do I need a Genealogical Search Warrant to see records?
Do MILs drink goat milk?  They're always butting in.
Do ministers do more than lay people?
Do not adjust your mind, the fault is with reality.
Do not adjust your set.  We are in control.
Do not attempt to traverse a chasm in two leaps .
Do not curse the darkness, check your warranty.
Do not cut along this line ------------------------------
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Do not remove this tag under penalty of death.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Do not wait for an echo when you drop a rose petal.
Do our stars twinkle in angst?
Do people who believe in mental telepathy invest in AT&T?
Do Quarter Horses have only a single leg?
Do radio atheists say "Send in your money & be saved?"
Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.
Do unions picket God for working a six day week?
Do unto others, then split.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Do well and you will have no need for ancestors.
Do well, hear of it never. Do ill, hear of it forever.
Do what comes naturally now. Throw a tantrum.
Do witches run spell checkers?
Do you know where your ancestors were and what they did?
Do you like me for my brain, or my BAUD?
Do your duty in all things.  You cannot do more.
DO I need a modem for each phone line?
DOC's??? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with?
Docs? Last time I went, I got nasty tasting medicine.
Docs? Why would I want to look at Docs? Nurses are better 
Doctrine is the skin of truth set up and stuffed.
Documentation:  The last resort.
Does a patriot order American in a Chinese restaurant?
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
Does anyone really read these stupid taglines?
Does history record any case where a majority was right?
Does it really matter which cola I drink?
Does it take an entomologist to recognize a computer bug?
Does LIFO-suction work on a FAT table?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT A 'cAPS lOCK' KEY IS?
Dogmatism: Puppyism come to its full growth.
Dogs crawl under fences; software crawls under Windows.
Dollars cannot buy yesterday.
don't reply to inappropriate messages, leave SysOp do it.
Don't argue with he who buys ink by the gallon.
Don't be a snob. Never lie when truth is more profitable.
Don't be fazed by new fashions in anything.
Don't be sexist.  Broads hate that.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't blame Congress. With $600 Billion frugality leaves.
Don't drink and park; accidents cause people.
Don't drink. You might shoot at tax collectors and miss.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Don't fight ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Don't find faults, discovery remedies.
Don't follow this message too closely!
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Don't forget to close your eyes when reading a scary book
Don't give up the ship. Give up the captain.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep until 12:01.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Don't hit me!!  I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
Don't judge a book by its mini-series.
Don't keep doing things that can't work.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Don't knock President Fillmore he kept us out of VietNam.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
Don't need a new religion, haven't used up the old one.
Don't Panic. Just push the Reset button.
Don't play "stupid" with me... I'm better at it.
Don't play stupid with me....I'm better at that also.
Don't question authority; it doesn't know either.
Don't regulate banks.  Help BCCI and Charlie Keating.
Don't reply to inappropriate messages, left by SysOp.
Don't sell yourself short, your wisdom is worth 2 cents.
Don't shoot! I'm only the Casio player.
Don't steal.....Politicians hate competition.
Don't store garlic near other victuals.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't think too far beyond your next meal.
Don't trust doctors, they once said you were sane.
Don't try to have the last word.  You might get it.
Don't underestimate the power of inflation.
Don't use a long word if a diminutive one will do.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Don't wait for your ship to come in, swim out to it.
Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo.
Don't worry.  We're on a mission from God.
Don't you feel that your salami is on the chopping block?
Don't you hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals?
Don't you know where *your* towel is?
DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
Doubt is the root of education, not faith.
Down with categorical imperatives.
Drama in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater.
Draw your salary before spending it.
Drawing on my fine command of English, I said nothing.
Dream of a pure planet.
Dreams are composed from our successes and calamities.
Drilling for oil is boring.
Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why.
Drive defensively, buy yourself a tank.    
Drive defensively.  Buy a tank.
Drop carrier Immediately - but try not to break it.
Drop your carrier....we have you surrounded.
Due to inflation, all clouds will now be lined with zinc.
Dulce bellum inexpertis.
Dumb v2.0:  Upgrade from stupid.
Dying can be done as easily lying down.
Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere.
E = mcý ñ 2 dB.
Each and everyone of you is entitled to my opinion.
Each of us contains an element of insanity.
Each young doctor means a new graveyard.
Early to rise and ditto to bed, makes you socially dead.
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
Earth was interesting, and worth the money I paid for it.
Earth was not earth before her sons appeared.
Earth: A solid substance, much desired by the seasick.
Easily amused, and laughing about it.
East credit terms available. - Satan.
Easy as pie, no fuss, no muss, no crust.
Eat healthy, exercise daily, and die young anyway.
Echo: Only thing that cheats some out of the last word.
Edam is not a Dutch Cheese, it's "made" backwards.
Education, not experience, comes from reading fine print.
Education which is not modern, faces the organic fate.
Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, spirits are about to speak.
Efficiency takes time.  Frugality: who can afford it?
Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
Ein unntz Leben ist ein frher Tod.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Electricians do it 'till it Hz.
Electronic publishing: What's my lino?
Electrons: What goes around comes around.
Elevators travel in groups.  Only one of them knows why.
Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
Elvis hasn't left the building, he's just in the john.
Emergency repair procedure #1: Kick it.
Empty vessels make the most sound.
En boca cerrada no entran moscas.
Endocannibalism: The result of a really hungry cannibal.
Engineers do it by calculation and design.
Engraving is, in brief terms, the art of scratch.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Enter any 12-digit prime number to continue.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Envy is thin because it bites, but never eats.
Epistle: What apostle's are always firing off.
Epitaph on a gravestone: Cheerio, see you soon.
Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
Error finding COLD BEER. Sysop not loaded.
Error reading FAT Table.  Try Skinny one? (Y/N).
ERROR 407: Program too idiotic.
Error: No Keyboard: Press F1 to Continue.
ERROR: COLDBEER.CAN not found! USER.SYS not loaded.
Error:015 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
Errors show up in the duplicate while the Boss reads it.
Et in Arcadia ego.
Eternity may well be composed of a very deep silence.
Ethics is not necessarily the handmaiden of theology.
Evangelists do more than lay people, sometimes.
Eve had an Apple, Adam had a Wang...
Eve was the first woman to date a snake.
Even a cactus needs a little water now and then.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even a lot of help at the wrong time adds up to nothing.
Even a noseless dog can stink.
Even a philosopher gets upset with a toothache.
Even hairless heiresses are always beautiful.
Even if you're paranoid maybe they're really after you.
Even moderation should be practiced in moderation
Even sliced VERY thin, baloney is never corned beef.
Even the blind can see money.
Even the boldest zebra fears a hungry lion.
Even the happiest of amoebae lack sexual organs.
Even the lion has to protect himself against flies.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Even the Tsar can't see his face without a reflector.
Even though they call it pasta now, it's still spaghetti.
Even weeds have needs.
Even when you're running the world, you can't get off.
Events of importance often result from trivial causes.
Ever since I gave up hope, I feel much better.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo?
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.
Every bicycle needs a fish.
Every child should be given the desire to learn.
Every crowd has a silver lining.
Every hard-boiled egg is yellow inside.
Every huge program has a small program trying to get out.
Every human comes equipped with a brain at no extra cost.
Every idiot believes that they are Cassandra.
Every noble work is at first impossible.
Every person constructs their own bed of nails.
Every person gets to heaven in their own way.
Every person is the architect of their own fortune.
Every person you meet knows something you don't. Learn.
Every politician has a price, some hold bargain sales.
Every purchase has its price.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Every sound ends in silence, but silence never dies.
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.
Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
Every time I have answers, someone changes questions.
Every Titanic has its iceberg.
Every valuable idea offends someone.
Every why hath a wherefore.
Every woman should marry -- and no man.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Everybody lies about sex.
Everybody likes a joker, but nobody loans him money.
Everybody must believe - I believe I'll have another beer
Everybody should believe: I believe I'll have a drink.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everybody's a programmer, but who's WRITTEN anything?
Everyone as they loveth, some people kiss cows.
Everyone complains of memory, no one of judgment.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion without charge.
Everyone is gifted. but some open the package sooner.
Everyone lives by selling something.
Everyone meets their Waterloo at last.
Everyone should know where his towel is.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Everything changes except change itself.
Everything free is usually worth exactly what it cost.
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Everything in time is birth to some and death to others.
Everything is possible, but nothing of interest is easy.
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Everything should be made as simple as necessary.
Everything starts in somebody's head as a daydream.
Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden.
Everything we put together falls apart sooner or later.
Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
Evil has been dealt a serious blow, but will return.
Evil is a hill.  We stand on ours, speak about others.
Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.
Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike water cooler.
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Excess is never enough.
Excuse me, can you spare a tagline?
Excuse me for butting in.  But, I'm interrupt-driven.
Execute program code from Write Only Memory.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
Expenditures tend to rise to surpass all income.
Expensive imported beer is good for the sole.
Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined.
Experience: what you get when you don't get what you want
EXPERT - Some unknown drip under pressure.
F r o m  the  s l o w  s p e a k e r s  o f  A m e r i c
Facing the facts makes it hard to get up in the morning.
Fact of life #15: Heads bleed, walls don't.
Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate.
Facts are stubborn little bastards, be careful with them.
Facts, though interesting, are in my opinion irrelevant.
Facts, though interesting, are usually quite irrelevant.
Faint hearts never win in love nor sell life insurance.
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in.
Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
Faith will not die while seed catalogs are printed.
Fall, when trees change from Beatles to Yul Brynners.
Fame is proof that people are gullible.
Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment.
Familiarity breeds contempt, don't forget children also.
Fanaticism: Redoubling effort when your aim is forgotten.
Fanny Hill was an 18th century call girl without a phone.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth to spend a quiet youth.
Farfignewton: German for "ergonomic cookie."
Farfrompoopin...German word for constipation.
Fat heads, lean brains.
Fault lies with systems not the technologies involved.
Fax me no questions, I'll Fax you no lies.
Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
Fear not, for I have given you authority.
Feather by feather the goose is plucked.
Feathers are so expensive now that DOWN is up.
Features should be discovered, not documented.
Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekker, wurks grate.
Feudalism : It's your Count that votes.
Few of us can stand prosperity -- someone else's.
Few people know how to be old.
Few things are painful as the truth realized too late.
Few things are as painful to us as the truth.
Fibonacci Numbers: The mathematical explanation of life.
Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography.
Fiddle: Friction of a horse's tail on a cat's entrails.
Figures don't lie, but liars can figure.
File not found.  Delete *.* and change directory? (Y/N)_
Fine day for a good workout. Steal something heavy.
Fine day to throw a party.  Throw him as far as you can.
Fingers not found - Pound head on keyboard to continue.
Fire, Ready, Aim!
Firmness in politics is called obstinacy in a donkey.
First, draw the curve; then, plot the data.
Fishing is a delusion surrounded by liars in old clothes.
Fishing rod: a hook at one end, a fool at the other.
Flamers have uncontrollable vowel movements.
Flattery is counterfeit money, circulated by vanity.
Flattery really works: As you snow, so shall you reap.
Flattery: Cologne water, to smell but not swallow.
Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N.
Florist: A petal pusher.
Fluoridate martinis: holes in your liver not your teeth.
Fold, spindle and mutilate, see if I give a damn.
Folks who have no vices have few virtues.
Follow your heart and let your head take care of itself.
Foolish fears drive away good fortune.
For a bug-free environment do NOT run this program.
For a real smoking pleasure, smoke Spotted Owl Cigars
For any action there is an equal and opposite criticizer.
For carnival we put masks over our masks.
For every battle honor, 1000 heroes die unknown
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
For many, the declension of life is: I go, you go, ego.
For sale cheap:   Write-only memory chips.
For sale: Hourglass for timing Windows.
For some, reality is an illusion.
For some: know God & know peace/others: no God & no peace
For something you really want, the price is always high.
For the Snark *was* a Boojum, you see.
For those who like peace & quiet: a phoneless cord.
Forest Lawn is nice to visit, but nobody lives there.
Forests lovely, dark & deep ... I have promises to keep.
Forget *HIM* it's time to run a *HER* for president.
Forget  RTFM  - Call the author at home.
Forget whales, save Jupiter for when Earth is used up.
Forget your origin, always know where you're heading.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies but never forget their faces
Forgotten men at the bottom of the economic pyramid.
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
Fountains mingle with the river, rivers with the ocean.
Four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant and Microwavable!
Four out of five herrings that smoke get bagels.
Frankly my dear, I don't give a download. -Rhett Sysop.
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs Grundy to go fly a kite.
Freedom is a hard-bought thing - A gift no man can give.
Friction is a drag.
Friend: Anyone who has the same enemies you have.
Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate.
Friends don't let friends drive Fords.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Friendships are not always preserved in alcohol.
From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
From listening comes wisdom, from speaking, repentance.
From the Desk of the Happy Hacker...
Frugality: who can afford it?
Fun with Greek #4: Fee, í, fo, fum!
Funny how life imitates LSD.
Funny thing.... harder I work, luckier I get.
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
G.I. Series: A military baseball game.
Garbage in, Gospel out.
Gee, I should have had another Cold Frosty Bud -Socrates.
Gee, I wonder what this key does.
Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Windows anymore.
Gee, Ward, weren't you kind of hard on Beaver last night.
Gee... What's that ticking in the corner.
Gen. Custer, can I be excused for this afternoon?
Gene Police: "Hey YOU! Get out of this pool."
Genealogical fishing is done just for the halibut.
Genealogists believe they can always trace an ancestor.
Genealogists do it in the library.
Genealogy = A DNA square-dance in the Thighlight Zone
Genealogy. Tracing descent from someone who didn't.
Genealogy:  It's all relative in the end anyway.
Genealogy: Looking for bones in the closet.
Genealogy: tracing us back to the same brother & sister.
General Brain Failure.  (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h.
General stupidity error reading drive C.
Genetics: Why you look like your father, or should.
Genius: One who can do anything except earn a living.
George Orwell was an optimist.
Georgia is on my mind.
German for constipation: Farfrompoopin'.
Get a new lease on life, do you have the security deposit
Get a ROBONAP: Will sleep for you while you're online.
Get me some coffee and then ask me in ten minutes.
Get nowhere: Sit on your butt feeling sorry for yourself.
Get someone else to break the shrink wrap.
Get your exercise as a pallbearer for exercising friends.
Getting a second chance is never a certainty.
Gezundteit has a loose beginning.
Give a gift that keeps on giving  -- A female kitten.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Give a small boy a hammer and everything needs pounding.
Give me patience .  RIGHT NOW.
Give me the luxuries, and to hell with the necessities.
Give the gift that keeps on giving; a female kitten.
Give the man a cigar.
Give them all they want, and all they will want is more.
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Gnaw the bone which has fallen to thy lot.
Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk.  I dare you.
Go and catch a falling star...
Go soak your head, puny human.
Go to a nude beach. Keep abreast of developments.
Go to hell is the only answer a snooper's question rates.
God created man first, a rough draft, then a masterpiece.
God created people.  Samuel Colt made them all equal.
God dislikes money -- look who he gives it to.
God gave burdens shoulders also.
God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them.
God heals, but always someone else wants a fee.
God is a comic playing to an audience afraid to laugh.
God is real (unless He has an imaginary non-zero part).
God is real, unless declared integer.
God is subtle but he is not malicious.
God made everything out of nothing, but it shows through.
God made the first garden, Cain the first city.
God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it.
God said,  Let Newton be!  and all was light.
Golden Rule: she who has the gold makes the rules.
Golfer: A person who hits and lies.
Golly, Yogi, I don't think Mr. Ranger's gonna like this.
Good advice is an insult that should be forgiven.
Good advice is given when too old to set a bad example.
Good architecture takes on a life of its own.
Good cooking takes time.
Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall
Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
Good fortune at times seems to favor the stupid.
Good girls get Heaven; Bad girls, the world.
Good health will be yours for a long time.
Good is not good enough where better is expected.
Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.
Good manners are the lubricant of social intercourse.
Good memories are what your heart carries in its pockets.
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
Good news: Ten weeks from Friday may be a pretty good day
Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
Good printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.
Good taste is the flower of good sense.
Good wine is a good familiar creature if it be well used.
Got kleptomania? Be sure to take something for it.
Gotta hide the phone bill from my wife.
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some more.
Government should spend our money like it was their own.
Grammar, what big teeth you have.
Graveyards are full of the indispensable.
Gravity always wins.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
Gravity:  Not just a good idea, it's the law.
Great men and women are not always idiots.
Great minds may at times think alike, if at all.
Greed is good, greed works.
Greetings from Hell....wish you were here.
Grippe:  A suitcase for carrying flu medicines.
Ground Beef -- A cow with no legs.
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
Gun Control is being able to hit your target.
Guns don't kill people  off-line readers do.
Gypsies, Thieves, Cutthroats, Administrators.
HaHaHa! Yuk, Yuk. Snort. Harumph.
Hail, hail, rock and roll.
Hairy fishnuts, anyone?
Half a loaf is surely much better than no vacation at all
Half Moon tonight -- its better than no Moon at all.
Halftoning is a gray area.
Halt and catch fire.
Hams do it with frequency, till their GIGAHERTZ.
Handle with care:  Elderly tagline.
Handwritten on a condom machine; "This gum tastes funny."
Hang up your logic over there.
Hangnail: A place to hang your coat and hat upon entering
Happiness can't buy money.
Happiness can't buy money!
Happiness is a computer with a good sense of humor.
Happiness is a computer with a sense of humor.
Happiness is a positive cash flow.
Happiness is mandatory....Are you happy?
Happiness is no laughing matter.
Happiness, like misery, is usually self-inflicted.
Happiness: a combination of good health and a bad memory.
Happiness: A sensation arising from misery of others.
Happiness: Lubbock, TX, in the rearview mirror.
Happiness: Seeing your MIL's picture on a milk carton  
Happy as a hog eating cow manure -- well lick my lips!
Happy couple: A deaf husband and a blind wife.
Happy is the child whose father died rich.
Happy trails to you.
Hard work has never killed anyone, but why take a chance?
Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
Hard work hasn't killed anyone yet, but why take a chance
Hardware:  The parts of a computer that can be kicked.
Hardware: This you kick. Software: This you corrupt.
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
Has anyone seen my sanity?
Hasten to laugh at everything, or later you may weep.
Have a nice day.
Have an affair.  It will break up the monogamy.
Have stock?  Will broker.
Have the computer beep me, when it is ready.
Have tree, will climb - just as all my ancestors did.
Have you any Grey Poupon?
Have you had a significant new idea of your own lately?
Have you hugged your computer today?
Have you seen my mind? It was wandering again.
Have you seen my mind? It wandered again.
Hawaii shorts: What a wallet has after a vacation there.
He bellows like a cow standing on her tit.
He cannot rule the great who cannot rule the small.
He compresses the most words into the smallest ideas.
He has all the charm of a dirty Christmas card.
He has too many lice to feel an itch.
He hasn't a single redeeming vice.
He is a sheep in sheep's clothing.
He is a self-made man, and worships his creator.
He is a deeply superficial person.
He is diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He is not only dull within, but causes dullness without.
He is the most sensible looking man talking nonsense.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He isn't chicken, but they're naming salads after him.
He lived a good life, he had a good time. Amen.
He says a thousand pleasant things, but never "Adieu."
He that deeply desires honor, is not usually worthy of it
He uses slugs to call Dial-A-Prayer.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
He walks down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
He was so crooked you could use him to pull corks with.
He wasn't his mother's favorite, and he was an only child
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
He who attacks my ideas attacks democracy itself.
He who dies with the most of anything, is still dead.
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
He who fights & runs away will live to fight another day.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
He who hesitates is several miles from the next exit.
He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.
He who hesitates at the wrong time is lunch for a shark.
He who laughs, lasts.
He who laughs last is a little slow on the uptake.
He who laughs last probably doesn`t understand the joke.
He who laughs last probably made a backup.
He who plants trees loves others he will never know.
He who talks too much commits a sin.
He who wakes up finding himself a success, hasn't slept.
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
He wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head
He's a chip right off the old shoulder.
He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
He's got a magnet!  Everybody BACKUP!
He's such a good speaker, even a cough sounds read.
He's tan, he's rested.  Nixon in '92!
Heads will roll.
Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Heartburn is the Justice Of Pizza in this area.
Hearts will never be practical 'til they're unbreakable.
Heaven allows glimpses only to those at a distance.
Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned.
HEBREW - the **MANLY** beer!
Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched.
Hell, Heaven or Hoboken by Christmas.
Help a swallow to land at Capistrano.
Help me, I'm stuck in here! - A Tagline.
Help me look, Please? I've lost my damned innocence again
Help me quick!  Someone must have turned reality back on.
Help stamp out vandalism, or I'll break all your windows.
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy.
Help.  I'm trapped at 0D1C:01DA.
Help. I've fallen and can't get up. A. Tree.
Help!  I can't find the "ANY" key.
Help! I've fallen and can't reach my beer.
HELP! Protect America's children, soil, and water today.
Here I run, to steal the secret of the sun.
Here is further away than you think.
Here today, dawn tomorrow.
Here's looking at you, kid.
Herman Hollerith is buried 9 edge, face down.
Hero-worship: Idol gossip.
Hex Dump:  Place for witches to get rid of used curses.
Hey ..... who took the cork off my lunch?
Hey man, you can't prove nothing.  I was at home.
Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.
Hey, wait, don't pick up that ph#{#!@#$%^&*()=.
Hey, what does this RESET butto
Hey. Don't pick up that phoׯ»’ችÃÒç  NO CARRIER.
HHeellpp.. II''mm ssttuucckk iinn hhaallff--dduupplleexx.
Hhhe who hhhessitates is lllost.
Hi, my name is Rover, I'll paint your car yellow free.
Hick: Looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
Hide when you bite your nails, or everyone will wonder.
Hindsight is the most exact of the sciences.
Hire a teenager while they still know it all.
His face was filled with broken commandments.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
History doesn't repeat itself. Historians do.
History is a lie commonly agreed upon. - Neitzche
History is made at night.
History repeats itself because nobody listens.
Hit and run means never having to say you're sorry.
Hm..what's this red button foº½¯°·¼NO CARRIER.
Hmmm, When is the last time the Tooth Fairy visited you?
Hmmmmm.... never tried an atomic bomb before.
Ho to make a long story short: Forget the punch line.
Hobo: A person who builds palaces and lives in shacks.
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom.
Hollywood: A trip through a sewer in a glass bottom boat.
Holy Razorblades, Batman.  That was a close shave.
Home, to a young boy, is merely a filling station.
Homo sum; humani nihil a me alienum puto.
Honest Politician: One who stays bought.
Honest politicians once bought, stay bought.
Honesty pays, but not enough for some.
Honesty: Fear of being caught.
Honey in the mouth and knives in the heart.
Honi soit qui mal y pense.
Hospital: A workshop for the repair of faulty humans.
Hospitals: Places where the run down wind up.
Hot air sometimes thaws out a cold reception.
Hot water heaters?    Hot water needs heating?
Hotel: A place you give good dollars for bad quarters.
How come I get all the hard questions?
How come men got nipples?
How come they call 'em APARTments when they're attached?
How could anything alter reality for $9.95?
How did I get round from eating square meals.
How dieth the wise man? As the fool.
How do frogs die? Ker-mit suicide.
How do I set my laser printer to stun?
How do women get mink?  The same way mink get mink.
How many sex-restricted jobs require a penis or a vagina?
How many times do you need to be tolled anyway?
How much memory have you got?  One brain, one memory.
How time flies, when you have a heap of problems.
How wise are they that are but fools in love.
How you look depends on who is looking.
How you look depends on where you go
Hug your kids at home and belt 'em in the car.
Hug: A roundabout way of expressing affection.
Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
Humans are animals in search of the ultimate orgasm.
Humans sin by both omission as well as commission.
Humble pie is always hard to swallow with your pride.
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
Humor always plays very close to the hot fire of truth.
Humpty Dumpty DOS - Just a shell of himself.
Hungarian food is OK if you like dog tartare.
Hunting is no fun when the rabbit has the gun.
Husband and wife plan fight.  TIFF at 11.
Hypocrisy is the type of homage vice pays to virtue.
I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent.
I almost stole another tagline. I'm so ashamed.
I always did like climbing trees, is this genetic?
I always laugh at the wrong time.  At my own funeral....
I am a man more sinned against than sinning. - King Lear.
I am a deeply superficial person.
I am always exact and precise (more or less).
I am as nervous as a tree on the Lassie show about that.
I am as poor as Job, but not so patient. - Shake.
I am in total control, but please don't tell my wife.
I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you.
I am not an animal!  I am what I am, but not an animal.
I am not a dictator.  It's just I have a grumpy face.
I am not an alien from space reconnoitering this world.
I am, of course, any thinking woman's everyday fantasy.
I am perfectly sane, and so am I.
I am the terror that posts in the night.
I am tolerant of your fruitcake like beliefs.
I am who I pretend to be at that point in time and space.
I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
I BBS because no one can read my handwriting.
I be nibble, you be quick, he jump over the joystick.
I believe we're under attack, but I'm not too sure.
I bought dehydrated water...but I don't know what to add.
I bought powdered water, now I don't know what to add.
I came; I saw; I screwed up.
I can be decisive, I think.
I can resist anything but temptation.
I can resist everything/anything except temptation.
I can't be stupid, I completed third grade.
I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks.
I can't believe I wrote that whole thing.
I can't - He can - what the hell, I'll let him do it.
I can't use Windows.  My cat ate my mouse
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet.
I consider cake and ice-cream my just desserts.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
I didn't get the documentation for the manuals.
I didn't write this; a very complex macro did.
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
I do not pretend to know what the ignorant are sure of.
I don' gotta show you no steenking tag line.
I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them.
I don't have to look up my family tree. I'm the sap.
I don't have the time for a hobby.  I have a computer.
I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger.
I don't know what it is, but it's in great condition.
I don't know how much more she'll take of this, Captain.
I don't know about ignorance and apathy.  Who cares?
I don't like broccoli either.
I don't need a warranty. I'll just take it back..
I don't think Mr. Ranger is going to like this, Yogi.
I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now.
I don't want to be there when it's time for me to die.
I either want less corruption, a chance to participate.
I fear needing explanations of things explained.
I feel better than James Brown... how do you feel?
I feel more like I do now than I did a while ago.
I figured out what I was doing right, it doesn't anymore.
I finally got it all together, but forgot where I put it.
I give up. Push me that hollow log and I'll climb in.
I got lost in thought.  I was in unfamiliar territory.
I got lost in thought, it was a very unfamiliar territory
I got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory.
I had a dislocated funny bone <OUCH> but it's better now.
I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once.
I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers.
I have a vitally important role serving as a bad example.
I have a rock garden.  Last week three of them died.
I have a really good memory, except it's short.
I have lost my mind, but it must be backed-up somewhere.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I have seen the truth and it is a lie.
I have seen the future, it is just an extended present.
I have the simplest of tastes.  The best is satisfactory.
I have to think twice before I give it a second thought.
I haven't lost the weight, it's right here behind me.
I haven't lost my mind.  It must be backed up somewhere.
I hope I'm never out when my ship comes in.
I hoping your as confusedly as I am about these things.
I improve on misquotation.
I just bought a cured ham.  Wonder what it had?
I just escaped the twilight zone and fell into the 0zone.
I just found the last bug.
I just read some light fiction: My income-tax return.
I just steal 'em, I don't explain 'em.
I just took an IQ test.  The results were negative.
I just work here.
I Just got stopped by the LAPD and boy am I beat.
I keep forgetting which is AC and which is DC.....
I keep my .BAT files in C:\BELFRY.
I kinda like the feel of a couple extra feet in my bed.
I know a good tag line when I steal one.
I know a bigamist who got that way using "New Math".
I know nothing, I see nothing, I didn't wake up yet.
I know the answer, as long as you ask the right question.
I know why so many squirrels live in my family tree.
I like the 486 tower.  Does it come in red?
I like work.  I can sit and look at it for hours.
I lost a button hole today.
I love standards, there are so many of them!
I may be stupid, that still makes me smarter than you.
I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.
I may have settled in shipping.
I may not be perfect, but I am all I got.
I may not be totally perfect, but some parts are OK.
I met a subliminal advertising exec but only for a second
I modem down, but dey grew back.
I multitask... I read in the bathroom.
I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts.
I must of skipped a disk -- My pack hurts.
I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night.
I need a drink...where's the SPACE BAR?
I never knew lasers could be printed.
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
I never met a chocolate I didn't like.
I never rise above the noise and confusion.
I  NEVER Read Taglines!  Do You?
I/O  I/O  IT'S WRITE TO DISK I GO  I/O  I/O.
I only wrote the thing, I don't have to understand it.
I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.
I prefer my oysters fried.  Then I know my oysters died.
I promise not to let it happen again - until next time.
I quite drinking, smoking, and sex until I got bored.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive for a second.
I saw a light at the end of the tunnel - it was a train.
I see no humor here, I can only laugh at the thought.
I see you are performing up to your standards.
I seem to be hearing the sound of idle hands clapping.
I seem to be having problems with my lifestyle.
I shot an arrow into the air, and it got stuck.
I shouted "Ol‚!" every time one was gored...
I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a child.
I smell memory leakage.  Someone here is dozing.
I spent a month in Dallas one weekend             
I spilled spot remover on my dog.  He's gone now.
I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving.
I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.
I think ... therefore I am obviously overqualified.
I think I got it made & they throw something else at me.
I think I think, therefore I think I am.  I think.
I think I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I think I've got a headache, what do you think you have?
I think it needs more juice.
I think that I'm the friendliest guy in my zipcode.
I think that I'll stand up-wind, if you don't mind.
I think, therefore, I am single.
I think, therefore I am (or am I?).
I think, therefore I am... I think.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
I tremble when I reflect that God is just.
I tried OS/2 once, but I didn't inhale.
I tried to drown my problems but they can swim.
I try to impress someone and always end on the short end.
I understand the answers, but all the questions throw me.
I use coke.  Cherry, preferably, but Classic will do.
I use windows...on my car, on my house, but not on my.
I used to read books.  Now I read .qwk files.
I vow to consider your idea fairly, before I reject it.
I want to be a procrastinator, but I kept putting it off.
I want to live with a synonym girl.
I was born agnostic, and I'll diagnostic...
I was changed into a tadpole.  I knew about metamorphosis
I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.
I was just getting used to yesterday when tomorrow came.
I was on a roll, until I slipped on the butter.
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.
I wish I could come up with an original tagline.
I would strongly oppose apathy, if I cared.
I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.
I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money.
I'll have the Turtle Soup, and make it snappy.
I'll worry about it tomorrow.
I'm a hero with coward's legs.
I'm a person of letters... unread collection notices.
I'm a pilot.  I pick it up here and pile it there.
I'm a thinker, I think, but I may be wrong.
I'm as innocent as a new-laid egg.
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
I'm doing this for your own good.
I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me.
I'm flexible..just don't change anything.
I'm from the government. I'm here to help you.
I'm human: nothing human smells strange to me.
I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
I'm in the computer business, I make Out-Of-Order signs.
I'm incredibly jealous, but still glad for you.
I'm just another blankity-blank BLANK.
I'm just doodlin' my life away...
I'm just here for moral support... ignore the gun...
I'm just needling you about the thread.
I'm lost somewhere in the ozone again.
I'm making this up as I go along.
I'm miserable without you, it's like having you here.
I'm more humble than you are.
I'm not a D.J., but I play one on the radio.
I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed.
I'm not crazy, I just don't give a &*$#.
I'm not fat! - just gravitationally challenged.
I'm not messy, I just ran out of STACK space.
I'm not paranoid!  Which of my enemies told you this?
I'm not schizophrenic, I'm multi-faceted.
I'm not tense, just terribly alert...
I'm not..no I am..no, I'm NOT indecisive. Am I?
I'm ok, it's the world that's screwed up.
I'm on a seafood diet.  I see food and I eat it.
I'm on the Brute Squad. No, you ARE the Brute Squad.
I'm on the trailing edge of technology.
I'm perfect by necessity, it isn't honest to be modest.
I'm so bored, I'm starting to miss my husband.
I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's.
I'm sure we can talk things out like uncivilized people.
I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid you're just a mirage.
I'm the NRA, and if I can't vote twice, I'll shoot you.
I'm too stupid to know what I'm involved in.
I'm totally unprepared for everyday life.
I'm user friendly, I don't byte -- I snap.
I'm wearing boxer shorts & I know how to use them.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I've given up reading books. It takes my mind off myself.
I've got a mind like a... a... what's that thing called?
I've got a BEER attitude.
I've got too many hands on my time.
I've had BETA days ... and nights.
I've never liked morticians, all they want is my body.
I've seen better conversations in alphabet soup.
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate.
IBM at times means (I)ncredibly (B)otched (M)achines.
IBM Marketing, well, it's IBM Marketing!
Ideals kill politicians, and politicians kill ideals.
Ideas may be whole- left- right- or no-brained.
Identify chromosomes: Take down their genes and look.
Idling is most joyful when there is plenty of work to do.
if (program == crippleware)  bit-bucket(program).
if a stud cat gets fixed, its broken...
If 4 bits = a nibble; 8 = a byte, doesn't 16 = a mouthful
If a man understands one woman he should let it go at
If a problem has a single neck, it is a simple solution.
If a string has one end, then it has another end.
If a tree fell on a florist, would he make a sound?
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void.
If all papers were smart enough, they would be currency.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
If anyone approaches with intent of doing you good, run.
If at 1st you don't succeed, call it Ver. 1
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence.
If at first you doubt, doubt again.
If at first you never succeed, never try Russian roulette
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
If at first you don't succeed, you can always emulate me.
If at first you don't succeed, Format C:
If at first you don't succeed, fall back and punt.
If at first you don't exceed, try, try again.
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing average.
If at first you don't succeed, don't be foolish, give up.
If at first you don't succeed, re-format.
If at first you don't succeed; Blame everyone else.
If at first you don't succeed, you can always emulate me.
If at first you don't succeed, try the reset button.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If crash occurs when using this program, discontinue use.
If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for TV?
If DOS was an airline, would you purchase a ticket?
If everybody knows such-and-such, then it just ain't so.
If everyone  thinks alike then somebody isn't thinking.
If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
If facts do not conform to the theory, dispose of them.
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would be so born.
If God is perfect, why do discontinuous functions exist?
If God is all knowing, can He understand DSZ docs?
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
If he were at the Last Supper, he'd worry about calories.
If I could be respected and not have to be respectable.
If I could light this thing I'd send up smoke signals.
If I die, I forgive you, if I recover, we shall see.
If I don't enforce it, who will know good from evil?
If I feel like exercise, I lie down until it passes.
If I had two dead mousies, I'd give you one.
If I have no mouth but I must scream what should I do?
If I invested in GM, it would be busted to Corporal.
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
If I think I am right, I am right until proven wrong..
If I wanted your opinion I would give it to you.
If I were really two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much.
If I were you, who'd be me?
If I'd miss you when you're gone - would you leave now?
If it ain't broke, try installing something else.
If it ain't cooked, don't serve it.
If it ain't broken yet, please let me have a shot at it.
If it ain't borken, don't fix it.
If it ain't broke, always try to fix it anyway.
If it breaks make it bigger, if it sticks out chrome it.
If it feels good .... Do It.
If it is not there, it must be here, or it doesn't exist.
If it isn't true, at least it is a happy invention.
If it jams -- force it.  It needed replacing anyway.
If it screams, it's best not to eat it.
If it was easy, they'd send someone else.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
If it wasn't for our lungs there wouldn't room for smog.
If it works, it must be obsolete.
If it works, Don't fix it: Unless you are a consultant.
If it works perfectly, there's something wrong.
If it works; always tear it apart and find out why.
If it's more than you need, it's greed.
If it's not true, it's quite easily found.
If it's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well.
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
If it's really tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
If it's tourist season, where do I get a license?
If life is just a bowl of cherries, throwing pits is OK.
If life is a highway... What's the Queensway?
If life's a stage, I want better lighting.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If Mother Nature were smart she'd have leaves fall up.
If nobody measures up, it's time to check your yardstick.
If not the problem, are you part of the solution?
If Old MacDonald had a computer, it uses Eee-aye-eee I/O.
If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
If people listened to themselves, they would shut up.
If picketing didn't exist some kids would never exercise.
If reality wants to reach me, it knows where I am.
If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.
If she returns from the john, will I be too old to care?
If speed scares you, use Windows.
If stupidity had survival value, he would live forever.
If the cops throw a net over me, am I legally in seine?
If the cops throw a net over me, am I legally in seine???
If the family skeleton must remain, make it dance.
If the GOOD die young,  I wonder why I am still here.
If the people lead, the leaders will follow.
If there is an obvious solution it is always obvious.
If things improve with age, I'm nearly magnificent.
If this is a battle, then you have already lost.
If this were an actual tagline, it could be funny.
If thou is a artist, how does one grasp your art?
If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle.
If U look close enough, the truth is hidden in the words.
If vegetarians eat vegetables,..beware of humanitarians!
If voting changed anything, it would be made illegal.
If voting changed anything it'd be illegal.
If we learn from losing, we become winners in the end.
If winning isn't important then why keep score?
If wishes were horses, horses would ride.
If wishes were money, beggars would be choosers.
If worst comes to worst, you *CAN* turn most things off.
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right.
If you aren't part of a solution, you are a precipitate.
If you believe your own demagoguery, you have a problem.
If you bow at all, bow low.
If you can touch it and you can see it, it's real.
If you can't stay healthy, find a sickness you like.
If you can't laugh at yourself, try laughing at others.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you can't make it good, make it big.
If you can't win fair, win foul.
If you can't speak softly, just use the stick.
If you can't dazzle with dexterity, feed them a crock.
If you can't bite, don't try to show your teeth.
If you can't make it work, make a statistic of it.
If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
If you can't learn to do it well, enjoy doing it badly.
If you can't say something nice, sit by me!
If you cannot catch a bird of paradise, grab a wet hen.
If you continually give you will continually have.
If you didn't vote, no complaints about who's in or out.
If you do nothing, how do you know when you're finished?
If you do drink and drive you might as well smoke too.
If you don't fall down, you're not trying.
If you don't care where you are, then you can't get lost.
If you don't eat garlic, they'll never smell it on you.
If you drink and drive, you might as well smoke also.
If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.
If you ever have an idea, try to go with it.
If you explain so that nobody misunderstands, some will.
If you find it, it is always in the last place you look.
If you knew what you're talking about, you'd be dangerous 
If you knew what you're talking about, you'd be dangerous
If you know the spelling of a word, you will err anyway.
If you learn from mistakes, you will learn a lot today.
If you lie to the computer, it will get you in the end.
If you like this one, wait until you hear my next story.
If you listen to fools the mob rules.
If you make a mistake, fix it to the best of your ability
If you mess with anything enough it will surely break.
If you NEED to count your money, you're not really rich.
If you play with anything long enough it will break.
If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk?
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
If you search for the unknown, expect to be surprised.
If you smoke after sex, then you're doing it too fast.
If you steala this tagline I breaka your keyboard!
If you take away the fuel, in time the flames will die.
If you think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If you throw mud,  you will have dirty hands.
If you try to be too sharp, you will cut yourself.
If you want to hide your face, walk naked.
If you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself.
If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
If you want to hide your face, walk naked.
If you want my advice, pay me.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell nobody.
If you're feeling good, don't worry.  You'll get over it.
If you're really a police dog, where's your badge?
If you're too old to learn, you were born so.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're upside down
If your mind goes blank, remember to turn down the sound.
If your ship doesn't come in, it's time you swim out.
If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
If youth only had a chance or old age any brains.
If youth only had a chance or old age any brains.
IF I had to do it over again, it would be without TV.
Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines.
Ignorance and dogmatism are lovers growing hand-in-hand.
Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever.
Ignorance is the mother of superstition.
Ignore your health and it will go away.
Illegal aliens are an American problem.  Ask any Indian.
Illiterate?  Write for free help.
Illustrate your Sermons! Wear far side ties.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
Imagination without learning is having wings but no feet.
Imagine the silence if everyone said only what they know.
Imelda Marcos: "If any shoe fits, buy it."
Important letters develop errors in the mail.
In a family argument, if you are right apologize at once.
In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal.
In Canada, even the female impersonators are women.
In case of atomic attack, prayer in schools will be OK.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
In Chicago it is important to vote early and often.
In data, the figure most obviously correct, is an error.
In DOS we trust.
In economics, the majority is almost always wrong.
In England there are 60 religions and 1 sauce.
In fashion be a reed in the wind.
In gambling and life if you don't play, you never win.
In God we trust: All others we voice verify.
In God we trust, all others we monitor.
In God we trust, you pay in gold.
In human history, most leaders prove to be good bleeders.
In making decisions, recall that the trend is a friend.
In principles be a rock in the stream.
In space, lemmings have to shoot themselves.
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
In the end gravity always wins. - Dolly Parton.
In the long run, we're all dead.
In this world a man must either be anvil or hammer.
In war and life, either fight to win or don't fight.
In war there is no substitute for victory.
Incest gets you involved with relatives.
Incongruous - Where laws are made.
Incorrigible punster -- do not incorrige.
Indecision is the only key to flexibility.
Indiscriminate study bloats the mind.
IneedsignificantlymoreroominthislineforwhatIwanttosay.
Infinity is a self-canceling thought form.
Inflation is a result of legalized counterfeiting.
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
Information is hard to get. Using it is even harder.
Innocent as a newborn alligator!
Innuendo = an Italian suppository.
Innuendo can be fun.
Inquiring minds want to know.
Instant Human: Just add caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine.
Instinct is intelligence incapable of self-consciousness.
Insufficient disk space, abandon all hope here and now.
Interchangeable parts never will.
Iraq shot down 38 Patriot Missiles with their SCUDS.
Iron sharpens iron; scholar, the scholar.
Irony: Giving father a billfold for Christmas.
Irregular verbs are on sale in the bargain basement.
Irregularity: Someone who comes to work late.
IRS: How much did you make last year?  Please remit same.
Is "Artery"  The study of fine paintings?
Is "Lord of the Flies" about the invention of the zipper?
Is "Sue" a noun or a verb?
Is a "stackedwurst" a German girl measuring 38-24-36?
Is a hippie haircut an example of the lunatic fringe?
Is a Jamaican terminal a Rastafarian?
Is a  PC a symbol of Immaculate Contraption?
Is a proofreader a blooper snooper?
Is a prostate operation called a "lowbotomy?"
Is a WATCH OUT FOR CHILDREN sign a birth control ad?
Is Australia really down under, or are we upside down?
Is evil a child of the nature or nurture of the beast?
Is it 'Flow Control' or 'wolF lortnoC'
Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse?
Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?
Is relativism the only absolute?
Is roughing it cutting a filet mignon with a dull knife?
Is someone trying to tell you something?
Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?
Is this as much fun as you can have with your clothes on?
Is this drive really moving with my head parked?
Is this Heaven... No. Smell, its Iowa.
Is wetter REALLY better?
Isn't it about time you backed up your system?
Isn't it nice that egotists don't talk about other people
Isn't there a statute of limitations on stupidity?
It ain't over till it's over and Roseanne Barr sings.
It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'.
It always rains right after I wax philosophical.
It doesn't help to curse the darkness.
It doesn't matter if you win, it's the point spread.
It doesn't work, but it looks pretty.
It has been discovered: research causes cancer in rats.
It is a sin peculiar to people to hate their victims.
It is a rather pleasant to be alone in a bank at night.
It is always easier to destroy than to create.
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
It is better to kiss an avocado than to kiss an aardvark.
It is better to know useless things than nothing.
It is better to copulate seldom rather than never.
It is better to burn out than to fade away.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is dangerous to confuse children with angels.
It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
It is easier to admire hard work if you don't do it.
It is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar.
It is easy to propose impossible remedies.
It is easy to be wise after the event.
It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life.
It is hard to discern when enough is enough + / = / - .
It is hard to believe that even his friends like him.
It is hereditary in my family to have no children.
It is meaningless to speak of domesticating a child.
It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.
It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds.
It is possible to smell after you stop breathing.
It is so much better to live rich than to die rich.
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
It is when you take for yourself that you truly take.
It isn't a dance, it's a fertility rite with lyrics.
It isn't easy being green.
It looks like an optical illusion, but it isn't.
It matters not if you win or lose, it is what I do.
It never rains but it pours.
It runs in the blood like wooden legs.
It sounds like you enjoy looking forward to yesterday.
It takes a long word to retard spoilage.
It takes about 10 years to get used to how old you are.
It takes two to make a bargain.
It usually takes weeks to prepare an impromptu speech.
It was a dark and stormy byte.
It was a night like this, 40 million years ago.
It was a dark and stormy night.
It was a Dark and Stormy Byte....
It was so cold, I almost got married.
It was supposed to be so easy.
It will be done on time, if I can find the time.
It works better if you plug it in *AND THEN* turn it on.
It works for me.
It's 11:56 pm. Do you know where your modem is?
It's 5PM and I'm all out of pithy things to say.
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
It's a dog-eat-dog world, don't wear MilkBone underwear.
It's a fine line between fishing & standing still.
It's a P.C. Cake.
It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's a poor cook who cannot lick his own fingers.
It's a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
It's a tragedy that no man becomes like his mother.
It's all a matter of taste.
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
It's amazing how mature wisdom resembles being tired.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
It's been nice meeting you, and nicer to see you leave.
It's better the world wonder why you *AREN'T* President.
It's certainly not my fault, I barely touched it.
It's easier to love all humanity than some neighbors.
It's easier to curse the candle than light the darkness.
It's easy to make a friend, hard to make a stranger.
It's hard to be humble when you're having so much fun.
It's hard to believe it, but some teens are humans.
It's love that makes the world go round.
It's morally wrong to let a sucker keep his money.
It's my personal idea because I stole it first.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
It's nice that people who love L.A. live there.
It's nice to be liked just the way you are.
It's nobody's business, not even mine.
It's not a Bug, it's a hidden and seldom used feature.
It's not crippled, it's functionally challenged!
It's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
It's not if you win or lose. It's placing the blame.
It's not me,  it's just the way they dress me.
It's not often I'm right, but I'm wrong this time.
It's not over until the FAT table sings.
It's often cheaper to be forgotten than remembered.
It's OK to wear the same thing every day: a smile.
It's okay to call someone stupid; just don't prove it.
It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a.
It's so bad, it may turn my hair dark.
It's stupid to continue doing what doesn't work.
It's the kind of thing that makes people go "Hmmmmmm.."
It's what inside you, not the outside that counts.
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
It's who you look like......Not who you are.
It`s clever, but is it art?
Its hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember a thing.
Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves.
Its not the thing you fling, its the fling itself.
Ivo Andric - Yugoslavia's First Nobel Laureate.
Ivy covered professors, in ivy covered halls.
J. Edgar Hoover slept with a night light on all night.
J'suis le Grand Zombie.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Jesus Saves, Johnson scores on the rebound.
Jesus Saves..... passes to Moses..shoots..SCORES!
Jesus SAVES! Passes to Moses. He shoots! Scores!
Join hands across the seas.  Stop continental drift.
Join Taglines Anonymous.  We can help.
Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Join the War on Puberty, eliminate juvenile delinquency.
Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.
Judge not a carpenter on how fast the chips fly.
Judge not, lest ye be judged incompetent by the world.
Judicial reform is no sport for the short-winded.
Junk - stuff we throw away.  Stuff - junk we keep. 
Junk will accumulate to overflow space provided for it.
Junk will accumulate to overflow space provided for it.
Jury: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Jury: Twelve people too dumb t get out of jury duty.
Just cannot resist a little fun along the way.  :-)
Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade.
Just listen to those old diodes slam dancing.
Just moving fast is not the same as getting somewhere.
Just my opinion (But I'm right).
Just remember:  when in doubt, you're always right.
Just send my paycheck to MasterCard or VISA.
Just think - in German, "Tag" means "day".
Just want to add my two cents worth, for what it's worth.
Just when I make ends meet, someone moves one end.
Just when I've found the answer, you change the question.
Just when you think it's hopelessly broken, it works.
Justice delayed is justice denied.
Justice is dispensed with sometimes in the court system.
Justice is incidental to law and order.
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Keep cool, stand in front of an open refrigerator.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
Keep hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
Keep one foot in the past when searching for the future.
Keep your eyes open before marriage, half-shut afterwards
KENNEDY COMPOUND -KEEP OUT- TRESPASSERS MAY BE VIOLATED!
Kernel panic: Nut lose in operator's chair.
Keyboard not connected, press <F1> to continue.
KEYBOARD - Hardware used to enter errors into a computer.
Kibitzer: A person with an interferiority complex.
Kids? Who said anything about kids?
Kin:  An affliction of the blood.
Kindergarten Rules: Be kind. Be safe. Be protective.
Kiss my ASCII.
Kleenex Von Trapp: The Sound of Mucous.
Kleptomaniac: A rich thief.
Know when to fight and when to run.
Knowledge rests not on truth alone, but upon error also.
Lack of planning does not constitute an emergency.
Lady with chastity belt is not having a ball.
LAMA=priest.  LLAMA=beast.  LLLAMA=conflagration.
Language is a human virus from outer space.
Lasciate ogni speranza voi ch'entrate.
Last week I even forgot how to ride a bicycle.
Latest conspiracy theory:  Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
Laughter is the best lubricant for life's engine.
Laundry: A place where clothes are mangled.
Law of Supply: It's yours if you don't need nor want it.
Law of Window Cleaning:  It's always on the other side.
Laws are like sausages, it is better to not see them made
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien.
Lead me not to temptation, I enjoy finding it myself.
Leakproof seals, will. Quiet toilets, aren't.
Lean books are often larded with fat of others' works.
Learning makes people fit company for themselves.
Learning without thought is labor lost.
Left lane must turn right.
Legal marijuana needs true glaucoma patients.
Leisure is the mother of philosophy.
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Length of an average blink: 0.1 second.
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let art alone. She's got enough guys sleeping with her.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it.
Let he who takes a Monday plunge return it by Tuesday.
Let length(walk) > length(pier)
Let me know if this message doesn't get through to you.
Let me out of here fast. TRON is catching up.
Let no good deed go unpunished.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let the rain fall, and fall, and fall.
Let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
Let's all vote for the all night party.
Let's have a little fun, let's do a pun.
Let's see your tagline hunting permit, sir.
Let's win this one and go home.
Lets keep genealogy vital.
Life can be profitable, if you know the odds.
Life has a lot of undocumented features.
Life has a great deal up its sleeve.
Life is a bowl of cherries, there's always a few pits.
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
Life is a kind of trick.
Life is a tragedy for feelers and a comedy for thinkers.
Life is a cabaret, old Chum.
Life is a series of rude awakenings.
Life is an onion and each one peels it crying.
Life is full of little surprises. - Pandora.
Life is hard - and even harder when you're not stupid.
Life is just a bowl of chili, but no beans for you.
Life is like Jazz, it should be improvised.
Life is like......an analogy.
Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards.
Life is much easier if you look at the source code.
Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it is a predicament.
Life is one long process of getting tired.
Life is something that happens when you can't sleep.
Life is still in Beta test.
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
Life is too important to ever take seriously.
Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first.
Life is...life is...life is...life is a kumquat.
Life might be easier if we had the source code.
Life would be so very easy if we only had the source code
Life: Too many questions, too few answers.
Life: You peel layer after layer, you find nothing in it.
Life!  Can't live with it, can't live without it.
Life's a beach and still you always marry one.
Life's a bitch, time's a bastard, and death finishes it.
Life's too short for chess.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
Line noise provided by your local telephone company.
Line noise?  What fh=.hElL is.LinS nfise?
Listen to the rhythm of crashing hard drives.
Little boats should keep near the shore.
Little pitchers have wide ears.
Live better, electrically.
Live so that the family parrot can live afterwards.
Live: Know the past, help the present, touch the future.
Living in the fast lane gets you to the other end rapidly
Living on earth is better than loafing around Hades.
Living: The best demonstration of victory over mortality.
Lock and Load. These fingers have just begun to type.
Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in the lea..
Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers with a very bad odor.
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
Logic is in the eye of the logician.
Logic is logic. That's all I say.
Long live The Great Electronic Underground.
Look after molehills mountains will look after themselves
Look at all the Indians.
Look into his eyes, and see if someone else is driving.
Look into yourself to discover your first priority.
Look Ma, No Taglines!
Look out for barking dogs that bite.
Look out.  Behind you.
Look.  A flying porpoise.
Lookout World!  The modem is ringing.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
Lose that ugly FAT! Download a trojan today.
Losing weight: the triumph of mind over platter.
Losing your drivers' license is God saying "Walk!"
Lost gold may be found, time lost is gone forever.
Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy.
LOTTERY: Just a tax on people who are bad at math.
Lotus executives do not wear Look & Feel T shirts.
Love -- a grave mental disease.
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothaches.
Love is being stupid together.
Love is blind, to everything except fat.
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to who adores you.
Love is like a baseball game, three strikes you're out.
Love is like a baseball game, four balls and you walk.
Love is of chemistry, sex is of physics.
Love is sentimental measles.
Love the sea?  I dote upon it - from the beach.
Love thy neighbor ... just never get caught.
Love truth but pardon error.
Love your enemies -- it makes them so damned mad.
Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.
Lunatic asylum: where optimism most flourishes.
Lurkers of the world unite!
Luxury: Costs $7.69 to make and $20.00 to market.
Mac screen message: "Like, dude, something went wrong."
Machine-independent program: Will not run on any machine.
MacIntosh:Computer with training wheels you can't remove.
Mad: Affected with a lot of intellectual independence.
Madam, an error, we did a hysterectomy on your husband
Madness takes a toll make sure you have the exact change.
Madre que consiente engorda una serpiente.
Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
Make a wish, it might come true.
Make new friends but keep the old. Like silver and gold.
Make someone happy tomorrow, Mind your own business today
Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before.
Malice is merely stupidity raised to a higher power.
Man and wife make one fool.
Man, born of woman is of few days; full of trouble.
Man is a piece of the universe made alive.
Man is a fool, always wanting what is not.
Man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Man is the bad child of the universe.
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
Man: There is nothing more miserable and more arrogant.
Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn.
Man`s horizons are bounded by his vision.
Maniac: He who leaves Maine.  Mainer: he who stays.
Manuals come out, after all possible keystrokes fail.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Many are absent from reality physically and/or mentally.
Many foxes grow gray, but few grow good.
Many kiss the hand that they wish they could bite off.
Many possess the wisdom of many and only the wit of one.
Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.
Many things are more than just the sum of their parts.
Many tombstones should read: "Died at 30. Buried at 60."
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough to be so
Marijuana, nature's way of saying "Hi!"
Marketing is simply sales with a college education.
Marriage, a romance but the hero dies in the 1st chapter.
Marriage, is a lifelong venture, approached with caution.
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
Marriage makes a life of deception a necessity.
Marriages are based on believing you won the arguments.
Married politicians do it to wife and country.
Married.. Who me ?  ... I can't mate in captivity.
Mars needs women, apply at NASA.
Mary had a little lamb.  The doctor was very surprised.
Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham.
Mary had potatoes, wine, salad, and a little lamb.
Master debaters often argue with themselves.
Math illiteracy affects eight of every five people.
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
May a thousand angry hornets take refuge in your pants.
May the force be with you.
May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss.
May you live all the days of your life.
May your best yesterday be better than your worst today.
Maybe you're correct being nervous now.
Maytag is my middle name: I'm an agitator.
Meaning of life: <deleted for lack of space>.
Meaningless tagline attached to pointless message.
Medical Def'n #9:OUTPATIENT; A person who has fainted.
Medical staff: A physician's cane.
Meester, do you vant to buy a duck?
Meetings are indispensable for doing nothing.
Megahertz--when something is really painful. 
Memoirs are the backstairs of history.
Memories keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.
Memory is the second thing to go during the human story..
Memory is the second thing to go.  I can't remember the
Memory Manager:  Something I need more than my computer.
Memory overload error noted ... Meltdown now evident.
Memory seems to go first, or second, or ...
Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands.
Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their minds
Men avoid attributing cleverness to others unless enemies
Men die and worms eat them - but not for love.
Men, in general, are but overgrown children.
Men know life too early, women too late.
Mental floss might prevent moral decay.
Mental Floss: In one ear and out the other.
Menu:  A list of meals the restaurant has just run out of
Menu: List of dishes which the restaurant has run out of.
Message brought to you by sufficient coffee indigestion.
Message sent. Destroy immediately upon receipt.
Metaphors be with you.
Metric Lit: The Courtship of Kilometers Standish.
Midas was into golden showers.
Middle age: When your age starts to show at your middle.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
MilliHelen: Beauty required to launch one ship.
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.
Minnie and Mickey Mouse are slow maze learners.
Minor operation.  What workers do in a coal mine.
Miracle Software, Inc. Motto: If it works, it's a Miracle 
Mischief all comes from too much opening of the mouth.
Misery brings strange bedfellows.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Misfortune:  The kind of fortune that never misses.
Misfortunes always enter any door left open for them.
Misinformation is the cruelest computer virus of all.
Misspelled?  No way!  I use an error-correcting modem.
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to total failure.
Mistakes at least show someone did something at sometime.
Misteaching: Telling one's grandmother how to suck eggs.
Mister!  Here's your mule.
Mistrust first impulses, they are always good.
Modem sex begins with a handshake.
MODEM - Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine.
Modem: Deterrent to receiving wanted and unwanted calls.
Modems.....reach out and BYTE someone.
Moderation in all things should be practiced sparingly.
Modern mother: "You don't write, nor call, nor fax."
Modern poets mix too much water with their ink. -Goethe
Modesty died when false modesty was born.
Modesty is a good bait when fishing for praise.
Mommy, why does that moon have a crack?
Monday:  The day after the football game.
Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery.
Money is a good aphrodisiac. Flowers work almost as well.
Money is always there but the pockets change.
Money is an excellent servant, but a horrible master.
Money is like an arm or leg - use it or lose it.
Money is round, it rolls away.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
Money is the sinews of both love and war.
Money is truthful.  Men who speak of honor must pay cash.
Money talks ... and mine only says "Good bye."
Money talks, but all mine ever says is "Goodbye."
Money: A mint makes it first and we try to make it last.
Monologue: A conversation between realtor and prospect.
Monopolized cable service is all cable and no service.
Monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Morality is a private and costly luxury.
Morbid: The next higher offer at an auction.
More than you wanted to know, aren't you sorry you asked?
Mosquito: Designed by God to make flies seem better.
Most allies must be watched just like the enemy.
Most bugs are real sons of glitches.
Most family trees have several branches best forgotten.
Most free items find an eager waiting user.
Most great discoveries start with making a mistake.
Most of our future lies ahead.
Most of us hate to see a poor loser--or a rich winner.
Most weight lifters are biceptual.
Most wonderful ideas are so obvious that they're not.
Mother nature is a bitch.
Mother Nature erred: Leaves should fall up.
Mother said I hadn't oughta, so I stayed a virgin, sorta.
Mothers-in-law must drink goat's milk, always butting in.
Motto of the LAPD: "We Treat You Like A King!"
Mountains culminate in peaks, and nations in people.
Movement To Ban Silly Tag Lines; Send donations to:
Mr. Bullfrog sez:  Time is fun when you're having flies.
Mr. Worf!  Eating Christmas Cookies, on my bridge?
MS-DOS is CP/M on steroids.
MSDOS is a boot sector virus.
Mud slinging politicians clod their way to the top.
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
Music with dinner is insulting both chef and violinist. 
Must go - My attack cat needs her claws filled.
mY lINKAGE iS sTUCK iN rEVERSE.
My best taglines are in for repair!  This one's a loaner.
My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R.
My brain is my second favorite organ.
My brain's not crippled, it's functionally challenged.
My compiler has a first name, it's Q.U.I.C.K.
My computer even came with a driver's side air bag.
My computer has EMS....Wont you help?
My cow aborted, now she is decalfinated.
My ex-wife got the gold mine, but I got the shaft.
My family tree is in the forest, somewhere!
My genes are so tight, they may stay with me forever.
My girlfriend's schizo. She's good people, but....
My Go this  amn keyboar  oesn't have any  's.
My hard disk went on a diet and lost it's FAT.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My life is still in BETA test.
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
My MD wrote an Rx for regular sex, but Blue Cross refused
My mind ain't so open that anything can crawl right in.
My mind is like a blotter: Soaks it up, gets it backwards
My mind.  I can feel it.  I can feel it going. Goodbye.
My name is Taylor, but I don't know a needle from a pin.
My name seems to be "xxx-xx-xxxx" what's yours?
My neighbor has a circular driveway. she can't get out.
My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
My opinions expressed above are not necessarily mine.
My other car is a Galaxy Class Starship, need a ride?
My other computer is a Cadillac.
My other tagline is a footnote.
My patience is like 7UP--Never HAD IT---Never WILL 
My patience is like 7-Up:  Never had it, never will.
My poor mouse only has one ball.
My problem is an 8088 brain in a 80486 world.
My profession?  Does the word "peon" mean anything to you
My reality check just bounced.
My trouble is that my absence makes good company.
My twit filter just put me on its twit List.
My widget is better than yours simply because it's MINE.
Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars.
Mythology: Invented lies for future consumption.
NAK NAK... Who's there?
Nam homo proponit, sed Deus disponit.
Name for a topless bathing suit: "Two for the show?"
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Nature, like people, sometimes weeps for gladness.
Necessity is a mother.
Nepotism is fine as long as you keep it in the family.
Nepotism is fine as long as you keep it in the family.
Nervous: Asking what wine goes well with fingernails.
Network management is like trying to herd cats.
Network?  I'm retired, I don't do no work never.
Neutrality pays when your wife and mother-in-law argue.
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
Never agree with me, it shakes my self confidence.
Never appeal to his better nature.  He may not have one.
Never argue with a skunk, mule, female, or a SysOp.
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Never believe in miracles, simply depend upon them.
Never believe what you hear, and less of what you think.
Never borrow trouble, the interest is entirely too high.
Never buy a software package bigger than your head.
Never call a man a fool, instead, borrow from him.
Never confuse a motion with an action.  Apples & Oranges.
Never confuse moving fast with going somewhere.
Never cut down an Ironwood Tree to build your life raft.
Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have.
Never despair.  If you do, you will work on into despair.
Never do today what you can delegate tomorrow.
Never drink from your finger bowl, it contains only water
Never eat anything larger than your head.
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
Never enough time, unless you're serving it.
Never flush urinals with your hand - use your elbow.
Never forget that clones are people two. 
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Never have children, but always have grandchildren.
Never hit a man with glasses.  Use your fist.
Never invest in anything that eats or needs painting.
Never invite newlyweds to a come-as-you-are party.
Never lean forward to push an invisible object.
Never mind the dog, beware of the owner & fecal deposits.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut your face.
Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf.
Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf !!
Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
Never say "oops."
Never settle for less than your best.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never tell a lie, unless lying is your strongest point.
Never tell them what you wouldn't want to do.
Never test for a condition you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error unless you're ready to handle it.
Never think of the future.  It comes too soon regardless.
Never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
Never trust a skinny cook.
Never trust a smiling wolf to tend your sheep.
Never trust anyone who speaks well of everyone.
Never try this stunt on your own PC.
Never try to out stubborn a cat.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never wear a Big Mac suit while next to George Foreman.
NEVER moon a police officer who has a polearm.
Newest Storage: A WORN disk. (Write Once..Read Never).
Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!!
Next time you wave at me use more than one finger.
Nice computers don't crash.
Nickel: Once good for getting the wrong number with.
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
Ninety percent of everything will prove to be plain crap.
Nitrate: The motel rate for a stay of more than two hours
No answer is also an answer.
No bachelor files for divorce after a home-cooked meal.
No battle plan has ever survived contact with the enemy.
No, boars are never chauvinists.
No Commander, I meant the OTHER battleship.
No condo, no MBA, no BMW, no 486, no clever tagline.
No decorations necessary.
No facts are sacred, none are profane.
No generalization is wholly true, not even this one.
No, I don't know what "apathy" means, nor do I care.
No, I'm not just another extended character.
No, I'm NOT an Extended Character.
No job is too simple nor too small to make a mess out of.
No man can serve two masters, yes-men can serve hundreds.
No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar
No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.
No matter how large that drive is, it'll never be enough.
No matter what goes wrong, someone knew it would.
No medicine can cure a vulgar person.
No need to be leading to have the courage to go ahead.
No one can think clearly with clenched fists.
No one does as much harm as one going about doing good.
No one is so happy or sad as he imagines.
No one should hide their true self behind a false face.
No one should test the depth of a river with both feet.
No parking in the red zone.
No person ever became wicked all at once.
No person is lonely while eating spaghetti.
No person should govern another without their permission.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away
No quarter asked, no change given.
No sane man will dance.
No sense being pessimistic.  It wouldn't work anyway.
No, Taco Bell is not the Mexican telephone company.
No tax collector will ever enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
No wanna work.  Wanna bang on keyboard.
No woman should imitate men.  Men are not worth it.
No wonder can last more than three days.
Noah saved all the animals from the flood by arcing them.
Noble deeds that are concealed are most esteemed.
Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Nobody else knows what to do either.
Nobody ever bet too much on a winning horse.
Nobody ever bets enough on the winning horse.
Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded.
Nobody has ever learned all of WordPerfect.
Nobody home but the lights, and they're out too.
Nobody is as deaf as those who will not to hear.
Nobody knows the truffles I've seen.
Nobody notices when things go right, I'm always noticed.
Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
Nobody's seen it all.
Node: Was aware of.  The past tense of "know."
Non-fiction often is more unrealistic than fiction.
Non omnia possumus omnes.
None but a mule denies his genealogy.
Nos micturate te salutamus.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nostalgia was much better in the good old days.
Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute.
Not all bugs are worth fixing.
Not everything in life is funny.
Not everything more difficult is more meritorious.
Not everything that counts can be counted.
Not now ... I have to go mow the laundry.
Not Ready Error reading user's mind.
Not to know is bad, but not to wish to know is worse.
Nothing astonishes like common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing can go wrong...go wrong...go wro*%$@# NO CARRIER.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Nothing in this world is certain but DOS and taxes.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Nothing is ever foolproof.  They are always so ingenious.
Nothing is ever constant, unless it is dead.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Nothing is foolproof, idiots are too ingenious.
Nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it.
Nothing is impossible for he who doesn't have to do it.
Nothing is more believed as that known least by the most.
Nothing is so good that somebody will not hate it.
Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.
Nothing is true, everything is permitted.
Nothing is very funny when you're underneath it.
Nothing is wrong with you that reincarnation can't cure.
Nothing really obnoxious ever totally disappears.
Nothing recedes like success.
Nothing succeeds like failure.
Nothing works, and nobody cares.
Nothing's more dangerous than a mind with a solitary idea
Notice: All incoming fire has the right of way.
Nouvelle cuisine shows more on the bill, than the plate.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Now and then an honest person goes into politics.
Now is the time for all good men to come to.
Now may be an excellent time to become a missing person.
Now, now, we're not schizophrenic, am I?
Now where can you find one, nicer than this?
Now... where did I park that hard disk?
Nowadays even some illiterates can read and write.
NR] þ It's Not What You Know, But Who You Know.
Nuclear submarine's major problem: Whale mating season.
Nuclear Weapons:  May they rust in peace.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
O oysters come and walk with us, the walrus did beseech.
Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.
Objects are closer than they appear...
OBLIGATO -- being forced to practice the piano.
October, when greens turn brown and tans pale.
October; When trees change from hirsuties to bald pates.
Of all forms of caution, cautious love is the most fatal.
Of all the people I have met, you are certainly one.
Of all thirty-six alternatives, ignoring it is best.
Of all wild beasts, a boy is the most difficult to tame.
Of course I tessssted it.
Of course I can cook, but I never do it on the first date
Of course, we could always get a sump pump.
Off by CRASHING COMPUTER. Time Logged:  ^D!@#$%^(*&^%^Z.
OFF-line mail make sysops happy.
Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.
Oh captain! my captain! our fearful trip is done.
Oh could I fly, I'd fly with thee.
Oh, I'm sorry, was that your hard drive.
Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting.
Oh no, not deja-vu again. Oh no, not deja-vu again. Oh no
Oh, no. Not another learning experience.
Oh, no! Not *ANOTHER* learning experience.
Oh no!  Not another expensive update.
Oh, no!  Not another learning experience.
Oh, pardon me, was that *your* culture?  So sorry.
Oh that?  I was playing leap frog with a unicorn.
Oh war. Thou son of Hell.
Oh well, half of one, six dozen of the other.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave -Hair Club For Men.
Oh yeah? Beta test this.
Ok, let yourself go, as long as you can let yourself back
Ok, now for a quick backu^L+b&2PO^1+=.
OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to be eccentric.
Ok! I'm weird, but I'm saving up to become eccentric.
Okay, I'm crazy!  But I'm saving up to be eccentric.
Okay Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC!
Okay. When I count to three, everybody smile!
Old age & treachery triumph over youth & vigor.
Old age is a disease without a cure.
Old age is not for sissies.
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
Old birds are hard to pluck.
Old computers make great boat anchors.
Old Grandad is dead, but his spirit lives on.
Old MacDonald had a computer with EIA I/O.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Old programmers never die.  They branch to a new address.
Old programmers never die, they just lose their byte.
Old soldiers never die, they just fade away..
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
On a quiet night, you can listen forever and hear nothing
On earth as it is in San Francisco
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
On the stage, dying is easy, comedy is difficult.
On this BBS, we recycle all of our bytes, bit by bit.
Once a king always a king, but once a knight isn't enough
Once more into the breach.
Once uttered, words run faster than the horses I bet on.
One B-2 bomber = 30,000 4-year college educations.
One Buchanan beats a Bush hiding a Quayle any day.
One crow will not peck out another crow's eyes.
One day I'm a windshield, the next day a bug thereon.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
One good turn gets most of the blanket on a cold night.
One good turn gets most of the blanket.
One Is Seldom Criticized For A Closed Mouth.
One lie always leads to another almost automatically.
One man's folly is another man's wife.
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
One man's Windows are another man's walls.
One of these days, Alice, one of these days.
One person's <grin> is another's <groan>.
One person's bug is another person's feature.
One person's theology is another person's belly laugh.
One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
One who is always in a stew generally goes to pot.
One who is in peril thinks with their legs.
One's needs are a function of what other people have.
Onion ring to rule them all, onion ring to bind them.
Only a doctor suffers from good health.
Only a mediocre person is ever at their best.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
Only fools make technology a master instead of a servant.
Only God can make a random selection.
Only he attempting the absurd can achieve the impossible.
Only I can tell where my own shoe pinches me.
Only in baseball is a self-sacrifice appreciated.
Only in your dreams are you really free.
Only people born with chimneys are allowed to smoke.
Only the hand able to  erase can write the truth.
Only the lead dog sees the scenery change.
Only the lucky find life is two steps forward, one back.
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
Only the rich have distant relatives.
Only the stupidest calves chose their own butcher.
Only they can conquer who believe they can.
Onward and backward!  We must look busy.
Ooops. My brain just hit another bad sector.
Open it up and what have you got: Bibbity, Bobbity BOOOO.
Open mouth, insert foot, echo stupidity internationally.
Operator!....Trace this call and tell me where I am.
Opinions are like noses, almost everybody has one.
Opinions expressed here or there are not necessarily mine
Opportunities taken are what makes your future.
Opportunity always knock at the least opportune moment.
Opportunity knocks once - the neighbors rest of the time.
Opposing action systems do not execute simultaneously.
Optimist: Someone who doesn't know all the facts yet.
Optimization hinders evolution.
Orator: a two minute idea, a two hour vocabulary.
Oregon cellars contain more water than Texas rivers.
Organic:  Church music.
Original  discoveries, seem so obvious afterwards.
Originality is undetected plagiarism.
Orthopedists get all the breaks.
OS/2 - The sane way to jump out of windows.
OS/2: Your Brain    -    Windows: Your brain on drugs.
Ostrich: He runs so fast he leaves his behind behind.
Other than it doesn't work, it works fantastic for me.
Other than penicillin do you take if you have everything?
Other than that, Jackie, how was the parade? - Dan Quayle
Other things change, but we start and end with family.
Other times, other customs.
Our big cities are becoming Third World countries.
Our first and last love is self-love.
Our future is always uncertain our end is always too near
Our life is a trip between two eternities.
Our parents ruin our early lives, our children later.
Our program, who art in memory, EXE be thy name...
Our world: a 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of dirt
Out of string space?  Try Scotch Tape.
Out of the frying pan, into der fire. - The Swedish Chef.
Outpatient.  A person who has fainted in the waiting room
Outside noisy, inside empty.
Overdrawn?  But I still have checks left.
Overestimation: Thinking that all your geese are swans.
Pain is a part of all life.  Misery is at your option.
Pale ink beats a good memory.
PANDORA.ZIP  Warning!  DO NOT unZip this file!
Pants: Trousers' country cousins.
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Paranoia isn't as much fun as it used to be.
Paranoia:  the feeling that a tagline is about you.
PARANOID - One who is really in touch with reality.
Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload on the move.
Parents: One of the hardships of a minor's life.
Parking is such street sorrow.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
Parts is parts.
Parts that cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
Parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus.
Pascal programmers do it with indentations.
Pascal: not Wirth a nickel.
Passing on curves: What a beauty-contest judge does.
Patience is a virtue possessed by few men and no women.
Patience: A surfer sitting in Walden Pond.
Patriotism is always the last refuge for the scoundrel.
Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
Paul said it is better to marry than burn, some wonder.
Pay attention! This is the mother of all taglines.
PCs are OK except when you use them as bowling balls.
Pedestrian: The most approachable chap in the world.
Pedestrians come in two types: Quick or Dead.
Pedestrians: The Quick or the Dead.
Pee-Wee's favorite baseball team --> the Expos.
Peeking two-eyed through a keyhole takes a narrow mind.
Penguin: The headwaiter of the Antarctic.
People are the only creatures with the power of laughter.
People, by nature, are civic animals.
People, not dogs, sell their souls for money or power.
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
People say I'm indecisive, but I'm not so sure.
People sweat so they won't catch fire when making love.
People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.  
People who have trouble communicating should shut up.
People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
People who stagnate rather than evolve are almost dead.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
People with dogs are too cowardly to bite for themselves.
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
Perfection is the road, not the destination.
Perhaps a radiologist can find something of value in him?
Perot/Bush/Quayle: Billionaire, Skipper and Gilligan
person slow to anger is better than the mighty.
Persons reading between the lines do so at their own risk
Pessimism never won a battle.
Petty crime is the scourge of business today.
Philosophic enjoyment = mutual misunderstanding.
Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex
Philosophy: A route leading from nowhere to nothing.
Physics is experience, arranged in an economical order.
Pi are round. Cornbread are square.
Piano tuners do it twice a year.
Pity a donkey with a IQ of 138.  Nobody likes a smart ass
Pity the poor corpuscle, for he labors in vein.
Place all paint in the rear. Leave no stern untoned.
Plan to throw one away.  You will anyhow.
Planned parenthood --- the impossible dream.
Play it, again Sam.
Please come back to Detroit, we missed you the first time 
Please do not break character.
Please don't feed the typesetter.
Please don't unzip here. I'm bashful; I'll probably laugh
Please don't yell at me.  I'm new at this.
Please, forget that, I was just going to start eating.
Please let me know if you did not receive this.
Please return stewardess to original upright position.
Please take my word for it.
Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh, what a relief it is.
Poetry is what Milton first saw after he went blind.
Poets are rather silent on the subject of cheese.
POETS: Piss On Everything, Tomorrow's Saturday.
Poker Face: The face that launched a thousand chips.
Poker: It's darkest just before you've drawn.
Police tagline.  Do not cross
Politeness makes wrinkles smooth.
Political correctness isn't.
Politicians fly the SST now, and all of us pay later.
Politicians profit by confusing theories with conditions.
Politics is stealing from the many and giving to the few.
Politics: Passing the buck or passing the doe.
Politics: The glad hand and the marble heart.
Politics: When one makes a decision that involves others.
Positive thinking: Believe everything positively stinks.
Positive: Being mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Post-Operative:  Fancy title for a letter carrier.
Postage not necessary if mailed within the United States.
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Postscript: The only thing of interest in some letters.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.
Power is an illusion; only stupidity is real.
Practice good mirth control, use a conundrum.
Practice safe algebra, use brackets.
Practiss maks perfict.
Pragmatism should never be confused with moderation.
Praise: What you receive when you are no longer alive.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Pregnancy is a side effect of sloppy birth control.
Prejudice is the reason of fools.
Present technology may permit history to have an end.
Preserve the old, but know the new.
Press  +  to see another tagline.
Press <CTRL>+<ALT>+<DEL> to continue.
Press <ESC> to load the BBS, or <ALT>+H for an IQ test.
Press all the keys at once to continue...
Press any key - i.e. the key with  "ANY"  on it.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key... NO!... except that one.
Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode .
Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist.
Pretending sleep is the most common birth control device.
Prevent computer viruses. Install Trojans!
Prevention is better than cure.
Price of admission - your premise.
Priests do it faithfully with Masses.
PRIME DIRECTIVE, MY A**! Phasers on maximum!
Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
Programmer's Oxymoron: Spare-Time
Programmers do it with their fingers.
Programmers get overlaid.
Programs will expand to fill available memory.
Programs will expand to fill available memory
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Promises and performances vary with hopes and fears.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Prosperity makes some friends and many enemies.
Prostitute: Someone who sleeps using the Buddy System.
Protect your right to arm bears.
Protect your right to arm bears
Protein: Supportive of young people.
Prsentez toujours le devant au monde.
Prune: A plum that has seen better days.
PS/2 it?  PS/on it too.
Psst! Your .ZIP file is open.
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
Psychic Con: You know where and when.
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
Public opinion flourishes where there are no ideas.
Punctuality is the thief of time.
Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
Purring....the sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Put lawyers on the ethics committee, for balance.
Put off procrastinating until a later time.
Put on your seatbelts. I'm gonna try something new.
Quality is to be found in absolutely everything I due.
Quick, I need a tagline, let me steal yours.
Quick.  Operator.  Give me the number for 911.
Quick! hand me that solar-powered flashlight.
Quick!  Make a wish!  It has a chance to come true.
Quick!  Operator!  Give me the number for 911!
Quick!  Say something profound in 45 characters or le.
Quien con perros se acuesta con pulgas se levanta.
Quien da el pan impone la ley.
Quit work and play for once.
Quit worrying about your health, it will go away.
Quoth the Raven,  Eat My Shorts.
Racist leaders live off the fatheads of the land.
Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.
Radioactive cats have 18 half lives.
Radioactive halibut will make fission chips.
Rainforest: a scarcity of animals a plethora of tourists.
Raise your IQ--  eat gifted children.
Raising pet electric eels has lots of current popularity.
Raising your voice does not reinforce your argument.
Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Rational information in arguments not permitted here.
Read messages, not taglines.
Read the docs? Wow, what a radical concept.
Reader not found, please notify tagline.
Reading with your eyes closed may help you understand.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of your ignorance.
Real knowledge is knowing the extent of one's ignorance.
Real men *do* cry in real time and real space.
Real men write self-modifying code.
Real programmers practice safe HEX.
Real programmers snort Taster's Choice.
Real programmers use punched cards.
Real wealth is the kind that can only increase.
REAL SysOps disconnect the speakers.
Reality is a constant intrusion on my dreams.
Reality is an illusion produced by alcohol deficiency.
Reality is for those that can't handle drugs.
Reality is something you rise above.
Reality is something you must always rise above.
Reality is the indefinite enumeration of objects.
Reality-O-Meter:  [\.......]  Hmmph!  Thought so.
Reality stems from the line printer.
Reality sure has unknown dimensions.
REALITY.SYS corrupted -- Reboot UNIVERSE [Y,n]?
Reality: Crutch for people who can't read science fiction
Reality: Life without alcohol.
Reality: Only a concept and the home of the brave.
Really get stoned, drink wet cement.
Really stupid people believe they are intelligent.
Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
Recognize the signs of spring.
Recursion, noun:  see recursion.
Recycle: For me, for you, for them, and them, and them.
Recycle! For us and for them.
Red, white, and blue. Three colors that only run forward.
Redneck: (n); a person whose family tree doesn't fork.
Redundancy is something I can do again and again.
Regardless of what you may think, this is not a tagline.
Regular or extra crispy, how do you want the environment?
Religions change, beer and wine remain.
Religious people are wicked, how would they be without?
Remember, if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Remember, it takes two to dance the tango.
Remember, it takes two to play peekaboo.
Remember, it takes two to share a kiss.
Remember, one runner does not make a race.
Remember, one shoe cannot be a pair.
Remember, one singer is not a duet.
Remember that a kick in the butt may equal a step forward
Remember that three lefts make a right.
Remember, the end never justifies the meanness.
Remember, the paper is strongest at the perforations.
Remember to leave 15% for the tip of the iceberg.
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?
Remember: No matter where you go; there you are.
Repartee: An insult with a suit and tie on.
Repent and return those library books.
Repetition is the death of art.
Republican rule: The more I get, the better off you are.
Repunzel, Repunzel, ... turn on your modem.
Reputation:  What others are not thinking about you.
Resist being put into boxes.
Resistance is useless,  if you have no volts or amps.
Resort: A place where the tired grow more tired.
Responsibility without power is like slavery.
Restaurant: An eating place that does not sell drugs.
Results may be unpredictable.
Retire from Congress in 1992 and pocket campaign funds.
Retired teachers have no class at all. 
Retirement: when you get a certificate of depreciation.
Retreat hell! We're just fighting in another direction.
Revenge is sweeter than life itself.  So think fools.
Revolutions are not about trifles, but from trifles grow.
Rise from life as a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.
Robot:  Your plastic pal who's fun to be with.
Robotech? Oh, look Darling, it's Dallas in outer space!
Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.
ROM instruction: (R)ead (O)perators (M)ind.
ROM wasn't built in a day.
Ronald Reagan, the Milli Vanilli of Presidents.
Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens.
Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens.
Rounded numbers are always false.
RTFM: But it's the computer manuals I hate.
RTFM?  You've got to be kidding.
RU486SX - 16 bit version of the popular abortion pill.
Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
Rules?  What rules?
Rumors love lies.
Run for the toilet, Taco Bell's done it again.
Running water is fine, but not running through the roof.
Running Windows is better than washing them.
Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home.
Said the fly " Let us flee."  Said the flea "Let us fly."
Sailors curse the rain that farmers prayed for in vain.
Sailors do it upon the waves.
Sails trimmed, autopilot on, now it's "Miller Time."
San Francisco: where NOBODY eats Rice-a-Roni.
Sandwich: An faulty attempt to make both ends meat.
Sane?  Hell, if I was sane why would I be here?
Sanity not found.  Abort, Ignore, Retry, Fail?
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Save more trees, eat more beavers.
Save our  planet, leave something of value behind.
Save out planet for our descendants.
Save the earth, some of my best friends live here.
Save the plankton - eat a whale.
Save the Plankton, eat a whale.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Save the whales! Start collecting a whole set today.
Save trees, eat beavers.
Saved whales are to be stored in Davy Jones' locker.
Savings accounts and toothpaste, only come out easy.
Say "No," then negotiate.
Say something soft & sweet.     Marshmallow.
Say the secret word and this duck is yours.
Schizophrenia beats dining alone.
Science has not yet found a cure for the pun.
Scientific Method: A useful logical fallacy.
Screw each and every prime directive.
Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else
Scrute the inscrutable;  eff the ineffable.
SCUD : (S)ure (C)ould (U)se (D)irections.
Sculptor: A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.
Se non e vero, e molto ben trovato.
Secretion: Something someone is hiding from you.
Sects!  Sects!  Sects!  Is that all Monks think about?
Security is a game where final goal is never reached.
See you in the movies.
Seeing is believing, Touching is convincing.
Seek not to follow footsteps but what they sought.
Seismologists do it to a fault.
Seize no evil, ears no evil, and nose no evil.
Self-made man: A horrible example of unskilled labor.
Self-sacrifice: to sacrifice others without blushing.
Selfishness is a vice we see it only in others.
Semiconductor:  A part-time orchestra leader.
Semper Fidelis
Senility means never having to drink just to forget.
Seniors are years ahead.
Serfs up  -- Spartacus.
Seriousness is the very next step to being dull.
Sex and death, two things that occur once in a lifetime.
Sex in a Volkswagen = Farfergnookie.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents didn't, you won't.
Sex is like an industrial film covered in fur..
Sex is not a answer. Sex is a question. Yes is the answer
Sex isn't the best nor the worst thing in the world.
Shake, a man of note, wrote so many things to quote.
Shake off your heavy trance! And leap into a dance.
Shake well before and after use.
Shame is an ornament to the young, a disgrace to the old.
Shamed be he who thinks evil of it.
Share your happiness with others today.
Shared pain is lessened;  shared joy is increased.
Shareware author dies:  .GIF at eleven.
Shareware, crippleware, annoyware, underwear.
Shareware it only works if you pay.
Shareware? Reminds me of a girl in my high school.
Sharp wits, like sharp knives, often cut their owner.
Sharper than an asp's tooth to have a thankless child.
She can't take much more of this Captain.
She devotes her spare time to neglecting duties.
She got pregnant simply because she hated rabbits.
She has been under more drunken sailors than a naval head
She is descended from a line that her mother listened to.
She kept saying I didn't listen to her -- or something.
She said "You get three wishes, what are the other two ?"
She's been on more laps than a napkin.
She's looking at menopause in a rear-view mirror.
Sherman, set the Way-Back Machine for 1492.
SHHHH! Be vewy quiet -- I'm hunting FOREBEARS. 
Shhhhhh.....the topic cops are coming.
Shill: Guy who loses $2000 at a table, & leaves smiling.
SHIN - A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Shoplifters with the runs always take Clepto Bismol.
Should old acquaintance be forgot - Count of Monte Cristo
Shouldn't you be doing something useful?
Shouldn't you go back to lurking now?
Show & Tell: Lecture by Gypsy Rose Lee.
Show affection, it may result in a pleasant response.
Show me a good tagline... And I'll steal it.
Show me a sane man.  I'll cure him for you.
Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.
Si jeunesse savoit, si vieillesse pouvoit.
Sick pay is a form of ill-gotten gains.
Sick Pay: Ill-gotten gains.
Silence is evidence of a superb command of the language.
Silence is more eloquent at times than words.
Silent gratitude isn't of much value to anyone.
Silly rabbit, tricks are for hookers.
Silver and gold make even pigs seem clean.
Simple rule: If you don't treat me right, shame on you.
Sin has many tools, a lie is only handle for them all.
SIN OF OMISSION:   Any sin that you forgot to commit.
SIN OF OMISSION:  Any sin that you forgot to commit.
Since GOD spelled backwards is DOG, is my poodle Satan?
Since life goes on - you might as well get on with it.
Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned
Since she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?
Since vegetarians eat vegetables, beware of humanitarians
Since we all move so slow, why is it called rush hour?
Sinner: A stupid person who gets found out.
Sir Lancelot, you have chain mail in Knight's Conference.
Sit down, you're rocking the boat.
Skeptics are seldom deceived.
Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them.
Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.
Sleep warm, love well and carry a big stick.
SLEEP? NEVER! I'm a consultant.
Small problems seem insurmountable to small minds.
Smile and everyone wonders what you've been up to.
Smile, but sharpen your knives.
Smile if you are wearing sexy underwear.
Smile you may meet a person who will play with your life.
Smog makes haze while the sun shines.
Smoke a doobie while driving - leave no turn unstoned.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
Smokey the Bear says: Strip mining prevents forest fires.
Smoking cures weight problems... eventually.
Smoking is one of leading causes of statistics.
Snails' pace: .00758 mph.
Snozzelberry? Who ever heard of a snozzelberry?
So crowded in here, I must go outside to change my mind.
So dumb: Chewing the stick, not sucking the lollipop.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
So many messages ... So little time left.
So much for No New TAXES, I'm giving up lip-reading.
So where did we all come from? Stop acting like a monkey.
Society like air, is necessary but not complete for life.
Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it.
Software, hardware, -- is that you talking Sigmund?
Software independent: Won't work with ANY software.
Solution Series: Works for Windows, Publisher and Money
Solve the problems of the world: Vote anarchist.
Some are wise; others are otherwise....
Some assembly required.
Some assembly required: the whole damned thing.
Some authors should be paid by the quantity NOT written.
Some believe their life sentence is take up room and die.
Some bosses call passing the buck delegating authority.
Some climb the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Some cures are worse than the disease.
Some days, I'd kill Flipper for a good tuna sandwich.
Some days it take effort to just keep up with the losers.
Some days, rocking a boat is the way to get things done.
Some days the only good thing on TV is the vase.
Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield.
Some farewells are easier than others.
Some lives are as a lamp that flickers but cannot flare.
Some lose their tempers from seeing you keep yours.
Some men are discovered, others are found out.
Some men without a god are like fish without bicycles.
Some nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
Some of us just die, others of us live on.
Some people are like a Don Quayle without the intellect.
Some people are born stupid, others work to acquire it.
Some people aren't equipped to attend a meeting of minds
Some people can't succeed at anything, even suicide.
Some people grasp stupidity as though it were a virtue.
Some people push for a tofu-free work environment.
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
Some settling may have occurred in shipping.
Some stock market investors go stock-raving mad.
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
Some thoughts are best guillotined before actions result.
Some TV shows are so dull they should have yawn tracks.
Some winners rely upon miracles without believing in them
Some women get excited about nothing, then marry him.
Some would change a bad shirt instead of a bad mind.
Some zoophilic dreams are really wild.
Someone is speaking well of you.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Someone superglued all my bytes onto my hard drive.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
someonelemmeoutaherethisplaceisfullanuts!!
Something will have to be done, something irresponsible.
Sometimes even fools make good suggestions.
Sometimes I sit and think, sometimes I sit and stink.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy...other times I let her sleep.
Sometimes it takes a fool to rush in to get the job done.
Sometimes the fax lie.
Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the job done best.
Sometimes, the only solution is to find a new problem. 
Sometimes the truth is the worst horror.
Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you.
Sorry, a fatal error has occurred. You're dead.
Sorry, can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.
Sound really has almost nothing to do with true music.
Spaghetti code = job security.
Sparky's Law: You must say something cute here!
Speak kind words, and you will hear wonderful echoes.
Speak of braggarts: talking of those lacking something.
Specifications subject to change without notice.
Speculation is the return lane of the road to knowledge.
Speed kills!  Switch to Windows...
Speed things up, make pre-aged wine from old raisins.
Split hairs any finer and you'll end up with split ends.
Spongecake:  Dessert made of borrowed ingredients.
Spooks are a breed apart.
Spring makes everything young again except humans.
Spring: When anglers get that faraway lake in their eyes.
Standards are wonderful.  So very many to choose from.
Standing on head makes smile of frown for mouth only.
Start a family only if your parents are able to baby sit.
Start off every day with a smile and get it over with.
Start slow and taper off.
Starve a feeding bureaucrat...vote Libertarian.
State Dept. of Unnecessary Double Redundancies Section.
State Dept. of Unnecessary Double Redundancies Dept.
Statistics are human beings with the tears wiped off.
Status Quo--Latin for the mess we are in.
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Stay with me, I want to be alone.
Stealth means never having to say you're sorry.
Steers don't grow up to be cow boys.
Stick \'stik\ n. 1: A boomerang that doesn't work
Stick to your talent and the cows will be well tended.
STILL HERE? The message is over.... Go Home.   Go On!
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
Stop spelling misteaks: use error correcting modems.
Straight trees have crooked roots.
Strange but not a stranger...
Strength of mind: Person who can eat one salted peanut.
Stretch pants: What Lassie does when the show runs under.
Strings, Percussion, and Celesta - Bartok WAS Country!
Strip mining prevents forest fires. 
Strive for the impossible or you shall wither.
Study as if life is eternal, knowing tomorrow you may die
Stulti timent fortunam sapientes ferunit.
Stupid: Being unable to find your own butt in the dark.
Stupidity has no limits, genius does.
Stupidity is no excuse for not thinking.
Stupidity is not considered a handicap, park elsewhere.
Stupidity is not a handicap.  You have to park elsewhere.
Sub omni lapide scorpio dormit.
Subliminal:  Send me $1000 in small, unmarked bills.
Submitted for your approval.
Subway: A place so crowded even all men can't get seats.
Success is simply a matter of luck.  Ask any failure.
Success of those we dislike proves that luck exists.
Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
Suicidal twin kills brother by mistake.
Superior firepower is invaluable when negotiations start.
Support FREE software.  Write it yourself.
Support Pacifism: Get out & fight for what you believe in
Suppress that thought.
Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.
Sure I can help you out, which way did you come in?
Sure, when OINK FLAP OINK FLAP ... I'll be damned.
Surly to bed, and surly to rise.
Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
Surprise the world.  Get to work on time today.
Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
Swell-head: Nature's frantic effort to fill a vacuum.
Synonym: A word you use when you can't spell the other.
Syntax Error in KITCHEN.H : COFFEE not found.
SYSOP: The guy that is laughing at your typing.
Sysoping, not just an adventure, sometimes it's emesis.
Sysoping: More fun than being beaten with a sledgehammer.
System Failure.  Push (B)ullshit  (W)hine  (S)urrender.
SYSTEM ERROR:  press F13 to continue.
-----T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E-------
Tablet:  A small table.
Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave.
Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave.
Tact is knowing how far to go in going too far.
Tact is the intelligence of the heart.
Tact: Describing others as they see themselves.
Tact: Recalling a lady's birthday but forgetting her age.
Tag line thievery..Coming up next on Geraldo.
Tag lines are irrelevant if you don't understand them.
Tagito ergo sum  (I Tag, therefore I am).
Tagless messages just look naked somehow...
Tagline Lotto: ²²²²²²²²²²<- Scratch here to reveal prize.
Tagline space to let.  Inquire within.
Tagline theft isn't a crime, it's an art.
Taglines are almost as bad as bumper stickers.
Taglines unite! Stop kidnapping of taglines.
Take egotism out, and you castrate the benefactors.
Take my advice...I'm not using it.
Take the bull by the hand, and don't mix metaphors.
Take two aspirin and call the consultant.
Take two crows and caw me in the morning.
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
Take your levity whenever and wherever you can find it.
Talk about memory, this system includes a sense of guilt.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
Talking is another disease of age.
Talking is another disease of age.
Talking of bulls is not like being in the bull ring.
tasteful words.  You might have to eat them.
Tax reform: Don't tax you or me, tax that fellow there.
Tax Shelter- A way to spend a buck to save fifty cents.
Taxation is little more than legalized extortion.
Taxidermy Cafe: Let us stuff you.
Teacher (according to a child): A non-violent mother.
Teaching: Appearing to have known your subject forever.
Teamwork is essential it allows you to blame someone else
Technicians tinker.  Engineers tearit up.
Teenager: Having tunnel vision and selective hearing.
Teenagers are your punishment for enjoying sex!
Telecommunications is a bit far-fetched.
Teleportation affects your orientation.
Television proves people will look at except each other.
Television: Society's best pesticide for the reading bug.
Tell me again why you named your kid "Rasputin?"
Tell me, am I supposed to be pleased or frightened?
Tell no big lies today.  Small ones are just as effective
Tend the molehills, the mountains look after themselves.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Terminally clueless!!
Testing 1 2 3. Hey, is this thing on?
Texas Barbecue, if you can taste the meat someone goofed.
Th-th-th-that's all, folks.
Thank God that a person can have only one MIL at a time.
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
That concept looks like a chicken in a windstorm.
That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.
That must be wonderful. I don't understand it at all.
That should clear out your sinuses.
That tagline is TRUE ->  "x"  <- That tagline is FALSE.
That tagline is TRUE ->  <- That tagline is FALSE.
That was a pointing device? My cat thought it was dinner.
That was definitely the LAST bug, take my word for it.
That was then, this is now.
That which can be imagined can also actually be reality.
That will teach exactly what to whom?
That's a smug aura of respectability you see in a mirror?
That's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.
That's right, try hard to be good at the game of life.
The answer is easier when the question is hypothetical.
The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth.
The backup isn't over until the FAT table sings.
The best armor is to keep out of range.
The best audience: Intelligent, well-educated, and drunk.
The best blood at times gets into fools and mosquitoes.
The best defense against logic is stupidity.
The best doctor is the one you hunt for and can't find.
The best draftees are married men, they take orders.
The best government teaches us to govern ourselves.
The best insomnia cure is a good night's sleep.
The best laid plans often go a fowl.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best water doesn't come in fancy bottles.
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut.
The best way to keep your word is not to give it.
The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.
The bigger the bankroll, the tighter the band around it.
The bird of war is not the eagle but the stork.
The Boy Scouts is like the army with adult supervision.
The boys may be marching, but they know not where.
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
The buck stops at the next desk.
The buck stops here, the doe just visits.
The buck stops at the desk over there.
The butler did it.
The Caldecott Tunnel has less traffic than that vagina.
The cautious seldom err.
The characters in this message are recyclable.
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
The child had every toy his father wanted.
The choice: Roll over or stand up to the challenge.
The Church of St. Humid the Incontinent.
The cinema is not a slice of life but a piece of cake.
The city is not a concrete jungle.  It is a human zoo.
The client who pays the least, always complains the most.
The consumer is not a moron, it is your spouse.
The cost of feathers has risen, now even down is up.
The course of true anything never does run smoothly.
The covers of some books are too far apart.
The Day of Judgement is approaching, or it is not.
The deeper the sorrow, the less tongue hath it.
The desire to work is confined to classified ads.
The destination is unknown at the start of many journeys.
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
The devil falls on account of his gravity.
The discontented man finds no easy chair.
The dispensing of injustice is always in the right hands.
The dog ate my .REP packet.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only heavier.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much heavier
The end is what usually justifies the diet.
The eventual supremacy of reason should be accepted.
The fastest ewes and slowest rams produce the virgin wool
The fewer our wants, the more we resemble the gods.
The first myth of management is that management exists.
The first sigh of love is the last of wisdom.
The first step towards philosophy is incredulity.
The first wealth is health.
The fish in the sea are as good as the fish removed.
The flogging will continue until the morale improves.
The footprint of the owner is the best manure.
The four food groups: coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza.
The French take care of themselves - except in wartime.
The future is not what it used to be.
The future's uncertain and the end is always near.
The General Theory of Relativity is too specific.
The gods play games with men as balls.
The good old days: Beer foamed and dishwater didn't.
The graveyards are full of indispensable people.
The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism.
The greatest cunning is to have none at all.
The greatest fault is to be conscious of none.
The greatest headaches are those we cause ourselves.
The happy and the powerful never willingly go into exile.
The hard disk you save may be your own.
The hardest years are between 10 and 70.
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
The highest bidder catches the most politicians.
The hole and the patch should be commensurate.
The hot dog is the homeless eagle of free enterprise.
The human race is still in beta test.
The incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is.
The laborer is worthy of his hire, only if his labor is.
The last sound that it made was "Zap."
The law disregards trifles, has it spoken to you recently
The law disregards trifles, what is this dessert called?
The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept.
The law neither does nor requires idle acts, wake up.
The law of intelligent tinkering: save all the parts.
The less a statesman amounts to the more he loves a flag.
The less things change, the more they remain the same.
The light seen at an end of a tunnel is at the wrong end.
The living world is a continuum in each and every aspect.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
The luck ordained for you will be coveted by others.
The mark of a true MBA : often wrong, but seldom in doubt
The meek may inherit earth. Those who dare, the stars.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but no mineral rights.
The mind grows by what it feeds upon.
The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.
The moon isn't waxing, it's dusting and vacuuming rugs.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away
The moon seems smaller than earth, but it's farther away.
The more known about people, the more to admire in dogs.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The more you run over a cat, the flatter is gets.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
The most expensive component always breaks first.
The most popular form of birth control: The headache.
The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do
The mouse with a single hole is quickly caught by the cat
The music's kinda nice. My compliments to the clef.
The object of war is to allow them die for their country.
The old make the rules, the young make up the exceptions.
The older I get, it seems the better I used to be.
The one who dies with the most taglines wins.
The only argument with the wind is to put on a coat.
The only certainty is that nothing is certain.
The only chance I get to talk is while my wife inhales.
The only difference between her and it is the lipstick.
The only heavy breathing I ever hear is after aerobics.
The only realities are the atoms and empty space.
The only red menace in America is the sunburn.
The only road to success is always under construction.
The only roses without thorns are love and friendship.
The only thing more reliable than magic is one's friends.
The only thing worse than a sorcerer is his apprentice.
The only time I open my mouth is to change feet.
The only victory over love is flight.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it
The only way to judge the future is by knowing the past.
The only winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
The orator, with a flood of words a his drop of reason.
The organization and definition of knowledge is critical.
The other line always moves faster.
The past always looks better than it was when it was here
The past is not what it will be.
The past should be a mental springboard - not a hammock.
The pen is the tongue of the mind.
The picture of health requires a happy frame of mind.
The plural of spouse is spice.
The Poles are now telling free market jokes.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
The probability of success if not almost 1 is usually 0.
The problem is not if machines think, but if people do.
The proof is the phylogeny of plant-animal interactions.
The proof of a system's value is its existence.
The purification of politics is an iridescent dream.
The question is: "(2 * B!) OR NOT(2 * B!)"
The race from stupidity is to the driven, not the swift.
The Ranger isn't going to like it, Yogi.
The ratchet wheel of politics is self-destructive greed.
The ripest fruit falls first.
The road to a friend's house is never difficult nor long.
The roots of honesty and virtue lie in a good education.
The San Francisco Ku Klux Klan wears topless sheets.
The scenery only changes for the lead dog.
The sea hath bounds, but deep desire hath none.
The sea hath bounds, but true deep desire hath none.
The shortest answer is doing.
The shortest distance between two puns: a straight line.
The show-off is always shown-up in a show-down.
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
The soul would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears.
The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack.
The stranger, the better.
The sun always rises on the most tired people.
The sun is never the worse for shining on a dunghill.
The sun shines even on the most wicked of people.
The test: Behavior in times of controversy and challenge.
The thing most generally raised on land is taxes.
The time is right to make new friends.
The tree of liberty is watered with the blood of tyrants.
The trodden path is the safest.
The trouble with a kitten is that, eventually it's a cat.
The truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to.
The truth, if you recognize, will clear out your sinuses.
The truth is one thing that nobody will believe.
The Tsongas ended, but the malady lingers on.
The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain.
The universe is a figment of it's own imagination.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The Universe was dictated but never signed.
The wages of sin go unreported.
The warranty: Bold print giveth & fine print taketh away.
The way to a man's heart is through his veins
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
The welfare of the people is the chief law.
The wife of a careless man is almost a widow.
The wildest colts make the best steeds.
The wise learn more from fools than fools from the wise.
The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward.
The world, as we know it, has come to an end.
The world is like a cactus except the pricks are inside.
The world is coming to an end --- please log off now.
The world is a beautiful book, for those who can read it.
The world of today is run by "C" students of yesterday.
The world: A comedy for thinkers; a tragedy for feelers.
The worst hatred is that of relatives.
The worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur
The worst thing about censorship is .
The worst thing men is that when not drunk they are sober
The written word preserves the wonders of the human mind.
The wrong way always seems the more reasonable.
The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
Theater: Holding a mirror up to a keyhole.
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
There are good five-cent cigars, but they cost two bits.
There are many ways to show affection.
There are more dead than living and they are increasing.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There are no limits for journeys of the mind.
There are no answers at best a few possibly good guesses.
There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.
There are three things that come next, uh four.
There are two sides to a question, politicians take both.
There are two reasons for doing: one good, the other real
There go my people.  I must follow for I am their leader.
There is a certain light within a man of light.
There is a skeleton in every old house and old horse.
There is absolutely no right way to do a wrong thing.
There is always a law against doing anything interesting.
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
There is always a mistake just waiting for you to make.
There is more at stake here than our lives.
There is never truth without sufficient proof.
There is no gravity, the earth sucks.
There is no such thing as bravery; only degrees of fear.
There is no defense except stupidity against a new idea.
There is no joy in Mudville, mighty Casey has struck out.
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
There is nothing to scratch but the surface.
There is nothing more impartial than a hanging judge.
There is only one sure way to throw dice: away.
There isn't a door which can stop a lover or a cat.
There was this veil through which I could not see.
There was this door to which I found no key.
There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
There's a brain in my tumor.
There's a time to fight, and a time to hide out.
There's a whole generation of people out there my age.
There's a Yankee in my closet - will trade for skeleton.
There's always one more bug.
There's always one more SOB than you counted on.
There's an answer to every problem.  Sometimes it's "No."
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
There's bound to be a gargoyle here somewhere.
There's never a cop around when you need one.
There's no accounting for taste.
There's no future in time travel.
There's no place like home.
There's no second chance for a good first impression.
There's no skeletons in my closet.
There's no such thing as gravity.  The whole world sucks.
There's nothing wrong with DOS that Unix wouldn't fix.
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me
There's something inside your head...
These are the times that really try men's soles.
These are the George Bush times that try men's soles.
These aren't dances.  Their fertility rites with lyrics.
These days there's no arrest for the wicked.
They also serve who only stand and wait.
They are slaves who fear to speak for the fallen & weak.
They do not love that do not show their love.
They know enough who know how to learn.
They never let you live it down. One little mistake.
They that sow the wind, will reap the whirlwind.
They who dig pits shall end falling into them.
They who drink beer will think beer.
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid.
Things are getting so bad, muggers won't go out alone.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Things are not always as they seem.
Things could only be worse in Cleveland.
Things happen fast, history books add a chapter a week.
Things will get worse before they get better, if they do.
Think and you won't sink.
Think carefully before wishing, it might just come true.
Think hard now.  Which one is Shinola?
Think much, speak little, and write less.
Think you got it bad. My other PC is an Osborne.
Thinking ill of someone can be a two-way street.
This ain't as good as sex---but it's safer these days.
This bug's for you.
This button doesn't do anything.  Please press it again.
This contest has to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
This country needs more unemployed politicians.
This discussion is hanging by a thread.
This door is baroque; please call Bach later.
This fellow's wise enough to play the fool.
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
This fortune intentionally not included.
This is a test of the emergency tagline stealing system.
This is a good day to let down old friends who need help.
This is a chain tagline.  I have now been stolen 8 times.
This is a test.  Please ignore -- oops, too late ;').
This is a *dangerous* place.
This is an ATM: Press F1 for $20  F2 for $50 and wait.
This is another fine myth you've gotten me into.
This is the voice of world control.  I have brought peace
This machine is an instrument of terror.
This mouse is loaded, who's the designated driver?
This open hand of desire wants everything.
This rerun due to Tagline Writer's strike.
This screen is microwave, dishwasher and fly safe.
This sentense contains three errurs
This software will eliminate all misakes.
This tagline exploits the illiterate.
This tagline is umop apisdn.
This tagline is only for the living.
This tagline is baroque; please call Bach.
This tagline is SHAREWARE! To register, send $20.
This tagline is shareware, register it for $10.00.
This tagline no verb.
This tagline stolen by me, or was it you?
THIS TAGLINE NOT TO BE REMOVED UNDER PENALTY OF LAW.
Thomas Edison invented the "Light Emitting Resistor".
Those on the cutting edge bleed a lot.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Those who do not think do not deserve to have a brain.
Those who fought for it know the true taste of freedom.
Those whom the gods love grow young.
Those without heads do not need hats.
Thought I wouldn't notice you sneaking off, eh?
Thousands of journeys have a start but no end.
Thrift is a wonderful virtue - in an ancestor.
Throw the keyboard out the window to continue.
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Time flies like wind.  Fruit flies like pears.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time for my morning SysEx dump.
Time goes? No.  Alas time stays, we go.
Time heals all wounds, but the belly button remains.
Time is precious, but truth is more so.
Time is so everything doesn't happen at once.
Time is the dressmaker specializing in alterations.
Time on your hands? . . . get Windows.
Time really flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time slows if you're on the outside of the bathroom door.
Time takes time.
Time: an illusion perpetrated by the makers of space.
Tip the world and everything loose lands in Los Angeles.
Tips: Wages we pay other people's hired help.
To a cat, "NO!" means "Not while I'm looking."
To a dog his owner is Napoleon; hence their popularity.
To avoid seeing a fool, break your mirror.
To be a Californian means to have faults others don't.
To be a human without passion is to be dead.
To be or not to be...  What a stupid question.
To be, or what?
To be too clever is to be stupid.
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
To climb a ladder, you begin with the bottom rung.
To cure insomnia, get lots of sleep.
To do nothing is in every person's power.
To do two things at once is to do neither
To eat is human. To digest divine.
To err is human.  To purr feline.
To err is human and stupid.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human.  And stupid.
To excel at what you do, you must love doing it.
To excel when you try, always reach for the brass ring.
To get ahead and stay ahead, use your head.
To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
To iterate is human;  to recurse, divine.
To keep your milk sweet, leave it in the cow.
To know a culture you must dirty your feet in its soil.
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die.
To live long, it is necessary to live slowly.
To live now, first come to terms with your past.
To live well, know the difference between good and evil.
To love her was a liberal education.
To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
To not discern the important, makes you unimportant.
To publish is to appear in public with your pants down.
To really know a relative, divide an inheritance with him
To reform a man, begin with his grandmother.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
To return home, you must walk backwards in time & space.
To risk nothing is to risk everything.
To some, sex is second best to power.
To speed is human; to get caught, de fine.
To steal this tagline press <CTL> <ALT> <DEL> now.
To the British, George Washington was a terrorist.
To the Caliph I am dirt, but to dirt, I am Caliph.
To the old cat, the tender mouse.
To those who can see, a picture is a wordless poem.
To tolerate everything is to teach nothing.
To understand other's miseries, look at their pleasures.
To wake a tiger, use a long stick.
To whom should I go to for some self-help?
Today has been a long year.
Today I have grown taller from walking with the trees.
Today is a "Honey do day"  Honey do this, honey do that..
Today is a day for firm decisions .....  Or is it?
Today is not your lucky day. You won't have one this year
Today is the first day after yesterday.
Today is the scene of the accident.
Today is the day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
Today is the first day of the rest of your mess.
Today on the menu we feature: pi of the day.
Today, take an astronaut to launch.
Today's "politically correct" = yesterday's McCarthyism.
Today's special:  Misspelt words at no extra charge.
Toil is most pleasant when done.
Tonight, no hostages for you and no prisoners for me.
Tonight's forecast: dark, followed by light.
Tonight's the night:  Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Too many pages make a tome.
Too many pieces of music end too long after the end.
Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched.
Too many wild asses are not yet extinct.
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Too often justice is incidental to law and order.
Too stupid to know what I'm involved in.
Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
Tourists: The only foreigners the French ever drove out.
TOWER: "Say position."  PILOT: "Position."
Trackman(men) have bigger balls.
Tradition is always the last refuge for the incompetent.
Tradition is no excuse for insensitivity or racism.
Transistors blow before a protecting fast acting fuse.
Travel important today;  IRS men arrive tomorrow.
Treat earth as you should have your Mother. It is.
Treaties like roses and girls - they last while they last
Trees moving back and forth are what make the wind blow.
Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!
True dignity: Remaining aloof during a prostate exam.
True life begins when the kids leave home and he dog dies
True terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
Truncated:  What happened to the peanut at the zoo 
Trust God, but always tie and watch your camel all night.
Trust me, would I lie to you..... again?
Trust only those who would lose as you if things go wrong
Trust your neighbors, but brand your cattle.
Truth is shorter than fiction.
Try cooling coffee by holding it closer to your heart.
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
Try to get rid of junk mail, but income tax forms arrive.
Tumor: A request for an extra pair.
Turn your 486/50 into an XT - Run Windows 3.0.
TV advertising is the rattling inside a swill bucket.
TV is a medium; anything well done is rare.
Tweedledum and Tweedledee agreed to have a battle.
Twenty-four hour banking: I just don't have time for it.
Twinkies have a half-life, but Velveeta is eternal.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
Two of perfect virtue: one dead, the other yet unborn.
Two writes don't make a novel.
Two wrongs do not make a right, it takes three or more.
Typos? Blame my cat.
UART?.. Me Science?
UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
Uh, forget the rope Luke... I thank he's already dead.
Unable to find coffee, operator halted.
Undetectable errors are always infinite in variety.
UNIX are lousy lovers.
UNIX, the MF of all DOS's.
Unless to thought is added will, Apollo is an imbecile.
Unrecoverable Application Error - Detonation follows.
Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.
Urine: Baseball term: Opposite of "Your out."
USA - at times is seems to be a subsidiary of Japan, Inc.
USAir = (U)nderwater (S)eating (A)vailable (I)n (R)ear.
Use it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do. Or do without.
Use Saddam Condoms, for those who always pull out late.
Use your wit to amuse, not abuse nor confuse the stupid.
Used Car: Not what it is jacked up to be.
User Error: Replace user, hit any key to continue.
User Friendly, if you don't use it - its friendly.
User Friendly: Never having to say "I read the manual."
Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight.
Users: To keep them dry don't water them after dinner.
Usually insane; in lucid moments merely stupid.
Valuable things are not cheap.
Varicose veins: Veins that are very close together.
Velcro, super glue, duct tape, post-its, and OS/2.
Veni, Vidi, Visa - I came, I saw, I shopped.
Veni, Vidi, VISA.
Very few jobs actually require a penis or vagina.
Virtual reality is a contradiction.
Virtual: not knowing where your next byte is coming from.
Virtue is easy for an ugly woman.
VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
Vodka + milk of magnesia: Philips screwdriver
Void where prohibited.
Vote --> "Deport all of the above" in `92.
Vote anarchist.
Vote for abolishment of public display of butt-cracks.
Vulgarity: The conduct of others.
W)here Y)our S)tupid I)nterface W)eathers Y)our G)enius.
Wait.  That's the FORBIDDEN dance.
Waiter, I'll have what the guy writhing on the floor had.
Waiting to overcome all objections, results in nothing.
Walk through doors, don't crawl through Windows.
Wanna Be a Psychopath? Read Dianetics, or ZMODEM.DOC.
Want to see a quieter way of life?  Visit Forest Lawn.
War on Puberty: New program to eliminate teenage crime.
Ware-o-ware has my OS/2 gone?
Warning, do not download SAFESEX.ZIP it is a trojan.
Warning - This message may be harmful to your ego.
WARNING... drinking tap water may kill your thirst.
Warning: All prosecutors will be violated.
Warning! Incomprehensible action is about to occur.
Warning! Incomprehensible source follows.
Was General George Custer an aficionado of arrow shirts?
Was Jimi Hendrix's Modem A Purple Hayes?
Waste is a terrible thing to mind.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
Watch it Buster - You're trying my infinite patience.
Watch out..the paranoids are after you.
Water, in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Water in the West runs uphill toward money.
Water taken in moderation, cannot do very much harm.
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
We are all travelers, from our birth until our death.
We are all related...relatively speaking.
We are as made by God, and often a great deal worse.
We are going to have peace even at the price of war.
We are immortal, but only for a very limited time.
We are in bondage to the law so that we may be free.
We are sorry, the number you reached is not in service.
We are the most intelligent planet on earth" - Dan Quayle
We are the people our parents warned us about.
We are what we pretend to be.
We ask advice but we mean approbation.
We don't care, we don't have to, we're the phone
We have met the enemy, and he's all yours.
We have resumed control...we have resumed control...
We have standards and expect you not to exceed them.
We have two ears and one tongue, use them likewise.
We hired you to baby sit. You cooked and ate them both?
We make our own fortunes and call them our fate.
We may be lost, but we're sure making good time.
We most firmly believe what we least know.
We must believe in free will.  We have no choice.
We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him.
We need more unemployed politicians.
We NEVER grow up, we just get older, and older.
We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.
We read to say that we have read.
We tend to forget that our birthplace was never an Eden.
We walk on like an elephant and back off like a giraffe.
We will find no ancestor before his time.  
We're all different, but then again we're all the same.
We're all in this alone.
We're beating the bushes in search of a president.
We're born free and taxed to death.
We're looking for a few good men.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
We're off to see the wizard, he's sure to have an answer.
We've replaced the Dilithium with new Folger's Crystals.
Wear old clothes when you fight for truth and liberty.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Wedding: A funeral where you smell your own flowers.
Welcome to California.  Now please go home.
Well begun is half done.
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 instead of a V-8.
Whales are a lot like humans.  Only they mate for life.
What a day may bring, a day may take away.
What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it.
What can you compare the universe with?
What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas?
What comes around goes around.
What do you mean that I need a license to do that?
What do you mean that my urine sample is too small?
What doesn't destroy me makes me stronger.
What fools these morals be!
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What good does it do an ass to be called a lion?
What grammar is to speech, logic is to reason.
What hallucinations?
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
What if they gave a war and only one side came?
What if we put bandaid on the Panama Canal and it healed?
What is a lie but the truth in drag?
What is learned in youth is understood in age.
What is the world to a man when his wife is a widow?
What is this thing anyway? The Discordian Society?
What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
What kind of cars do Proctologists drive?  Ford Probes.
What light speed?  I can even surpass dark speed.
What, me ambivalent?  Well, yes and no.
What orators lack in depth, they give in length.
What results from using spot remover on your dog Spot?
What Saddam Hussein's mom said: Abort, Retry, Fail?
What should you give a nudist for Christmas?
What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals.
What the !@#$ were you expecting for me to put here?
What the heck just happened here?
What the hell, go and put all your eggs in one basket.
What the text giveth, the footnote taketh away.
What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
What time is it at the North Pole?
What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
What we need are 0-wait-state shopping lines....
What would *YOU* do for a Klondike Bar?
What you want, must, and need to do are seldom congruent.
What youth deemed crystal, age finds was dew.
What's all this fuss about endangered feces?
What's in a name, anyway? Everything and nothing.
What's the matter Colonel Sanders.......CHICKEN?
What's the point-spread on World War III?
What's the world coming to when your monitor stares back.
What's up doc?
Whatever advice you give, be brief.
Whatever is well conceived can be well expressed.
Whatever it is, whenever it occurs, I'm against it.
Whatever you delete today, you desperately need tomorrow.
Whatever you have, spend less.
Whatsa matter Colonel Sanders.......CHICKEN?
When a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?
When a subject becomes obsolete, it becomes required.
When agnostics die, do they go to the Great Perhaps?
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When all else fails, consult Jack Daniels.
When all else is lost, the future still remains.
When all else fails, I STILL refuse to read the docs.
When all else fails, dig out the dusty user's manual.
When all else is lost, the future still remains.
When all think alike, then no one is thinking.
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
When choosing between two evils, select the newer one.
When CPR fails, does the doctor order "Barium?"
When dangling, watch your participles.
When down in the mouth, think of Jonah, he came out OK.
When everyone thinks alike, then everyone is stupid.
When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane.
When facts meet the legend, go with the legend.
When God made man, She was joking.
When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.
When in charge, ponder.
When in Chicago you must vote early and vote often.
When in doubt stop thinking and all doubt will go away.
When in doubt, mumble..
When in doubt, make it sound convincing.
When in doubt, make a backup.
When in doubt, use brute force.
When in doubt; Cheat.
When in trouble, delegate.
When is the last time the Haggis Fairy visited you?
When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
When no wind blows, even the weather vane has character.
When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns
When seeking love give nothing.  Finding love give all.
When someone turns things around, don't get run over.
When the bad combine, the good must associate.
When the eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
When the going gets tough, the smart get lost.
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
When things go wrong, just don't go with them.
When uncertain, or in doubt, run in circles and scream.
When we are not sure, we are alive.
When we can't dream the time for death has arrived.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
When you castrate a "Q", do you get an "O?"
When you deal with the insane, always pretend you're sane
When you do nothing, can you know when you're finished?
When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
When you find anything that works, it usually fails.
When you get there, there's no there there.
When you go to the market, use your eyes, not your ears.
When you gotta go, you gotta go!
When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.
When you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
When you try too hard to save face, you lose your ass.
When you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
Whenever possible, put people on hold.
Where are those flashbacks they promised me?
Where are we going? Why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where can I fnid a spell chequer for taglines?
Where can I find a synonym, for "thesaurus?"
Where citizens count, subjects are slaves.
Where did we all come from in the first place?
Where do 'cannot' and 'must' meet on this graph?
Where do honey bees go potty?  At a BP station naturally.
Where do these stairs go? ---  "They go up."
Where do you go to catch anorexia?
Where do you find the time to not read so many books?
Where is everything? All I typed was "Format c:".
Where is the STUN setting on a Laser Printer?
Where law ends, there tyranny begins.
Where men are outlawed, only outlaws are men.
Where no feline has gone before...
Where no man has.. where no ONE has.. to hell with it.
Where there is no shame, there is no honor.
Where there is a will, I want to be in it.
Where there is a stink feces there is the odor of being.
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
Where you've been means much less than where you're going
Where's there's smoke, there's toast.
Wherever you came from, you're not there now.
While eating an elephant advance one bite at a time.
Whip me, beat me, crush me, is this wrestling or what?
White belt + white shoes  = a "full Cleveland."
Who has the bread makes the laws.
Who is the Grateful Dead, and why do they follow me?
Who needs comedians?  Journalists are much more laughable
Who says you can't have it all?
Who to himself is law, no law doth need.
Who would understand youth must know old age.
Who's the designated driver? This mouse is loaded.
Who's the Round Table's roundest knight?  Sir Cumference.
Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein.
Why are there so many gnarly limbs on my family tree?
Why are there so many fools on the road?
Why attack God?  He may be as sad about us as we are.
Why call them "apartments" if they're all together?
Why can't women remember to put the seat back up?
Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
Why did I ever start this, anyway?
Why do I always shrug my shoulders?  I have no idea.
Why do kamakazi pilots where helmets?
Why do Kennedy's cry after sex? ..... Mace!
Why do they call them briefings when they take so long?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway?
Why do we seem to operate best at a 90^ angle to reality?
Why do we get so old before we learn how to be young?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date? 
Why don't cats like to swim?  Why don't many fish fly?
Why don't many cats swim?  Why don't many fish fly?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is bread so dear and flesh and blood so cheap?
Why is it that there are never enough days in a weekend?
Why is it that if you leave the room, you're elected?
Why is nothing is quite so unexpected as the truth?
Why is the alphabet in that order, because of the song?
Why is there a permanent press setting on an iron?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why should I have to pay a troll just to cross a bridge?
Why solve problems you can bypass with a GOTO?
Why use a big, long word when a diminutive one will do?
Why waste time learning, ignorance comes with the turf?
Why would a wood chuck want to chuck wood anyway?
Wie geht's dir heute?
Wild asses are not yet extinct.
Will people in the CIS be known as sissies?
Will Rogers never met Saddam Hussein.
Will your great-grandchildren know you existed and how?
Window-screen: An arrangement for keeping flies in.
Windows 3.0 - From the people who brought you EDLIN.
Windows 3.0 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
Windows Error: 004 -- Operator fell asleep while waiting.
Windows, icons, mouse and pointer = WIMP.
Windows is a disease - but is OS/2 v2.0 the cure?
Windows is a real pane ;{
Windows, Just Say No.
Windows would be better with curtains.
Windows: An answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
Windows? !Por Favor, No Rompa Mis Cojones! Gracias!
Winning is a habit.  Unfortunately, so is losing.
Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is.
Winter in Arizona falls on a Tuesday this year.
Wisdom of many and the wit of a half.
Wise men in love act the fool.
Wise men learn much from fools.  Wise guys don't.
Wit is the spice of conversation, not the food.
Witches who misbehave are sent to their broom.
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old.
With consequences,  the unexpected always predominate.
With foxes we must play the fox.
With fronds like you, who needs anemones?
With our judgements as our watches, none go just alike.
With people, reach should exceed grasp. Try for heaven.
With sin, a human falls into it, a saint grieves at it.
With some foreign food the less authentic, the better.
With some it isn't the thought, it's the gift behind it.
With two ways to spell a word, the wrong one will be used
Without creation there could be no destruction.
Without death, life has no meaning.
Without fingers you cannot even thumb your nose.
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
Without love and trust all you can be in life is alone.
Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless
Without time everything would happen at once.
Witty tag line placed here. -->
Women and elephants never forget real or supposed injury.
Women do come with instructions, ask them!
Women go on diets. Men just eat less... and grow fat.
Women take to good hearted men. Also from.
Women's clothes: Go to extremes, seldom to extremities.
Words and ideas are what change our world.
Words are not food, though sometimes we must eat them.
Words are the voice of the heart.
Words DO NOT have meanings, people do.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
Words, words, words.  And no place to put them all.
Work is for those who have nothing better to do.
World peace will only come when patriotism is forgotten.
World to end at 5:00pm. See it on the 11:00pm news.
World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Worry is the interest paid on trouble in advance.
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
would have suffered a lot more if I'd been understood.
Would she be happy with a Pet Rock instead?
wwhhaatt  ddooeess  ffuull  dduupplleexx  mmeeaann??
X minus 6 weeks and counting.
Xerox never comes up with anything original anymore.
Xpress yourself.
Yawn: The only time some men get to open their mouths.
Yea, yea..once a hobby, now an expensive addiction.
Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK?
Yeah...and some day the sun will die out.
Year: A period of 365 failures and disappointments.
Yes Dear, just a few more minutes....
Yes-men: Fellows who hang around the man nobody noes.
Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time.
Yesterday I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.
Yield to temptation; It may not pass your way again.
you can pretend to be serious, but not witty.
You always find it in the last place you look.
You always swat where he's not, or if he is aha! a spot.
You are always entitled to your own stupid opinion.
You are an example of why some animals eat their young.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
You are only young once, but it is easy to stay immature.
You aren't born happy, you must make it for yourself.
You aren't here forever, enjoy each day as a miracle.
You can always easily find anything you don't want.
You can always make room for one more. Except a new baby.
You can choose your friends, but you only have one mother
You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories.
You can fool all people, except but you can't fool Mom.
You can judge a man by how he keeps his golf score.
You can judge the success of a man by his bodyguards.
You can multi-task on C-64s... keep a multitude of them.
You can never stand still nor go backwards in time.
You can observe a lot by watching.
You can only be truly free if everyone else is truly free
You can teach an old dog new tricks, under protest.
You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.
You can write until sated, but no one must read it.
You can't do that. It's been digitally cursed.
You can't eat your friends and have them too.
You can't fall off the floor.
You can't fool me, that's DIRTY DANCING, I see.
You can't get there from here.
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
You can't judge Egypt by Aida.
You can't jump a canyon in two leaps.
You can't step twice into the same river.
You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit.
You cannot be too careful in the choice of your enemies.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You disagree?  May I plea guilty by reason of sanity?
You don't have to think too hard when talking to teachers
You got to stop screwing around, daddy.
You got to start somewhere if you're going end elsewhere.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You have to be an antique to appreciate them.
You Klingon son, you killed my bastard!  Got that wrong.
You know you're really old when stop buying green bananas
You learn as much by writing as you do by reading.
You live and you learn - or you don't live long.
You make it we take it.
You may be a loser for a long time before you realize it.
You may be recognized soon.  Perhaps you should hide?
You may be Southern -- but you're no Comfort.
You may use this tagline 30 days before registering.
You might say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not asleep.
You might want to get a band-aid for that.
You must know your limits to break through them.
You must know much before you know how little you know.
You must realize:  Sweatwork is the only road to fitness.
You never have to explain things you never said.
You never know unless you ask, answer not guaranteed.
You obviously mistook me for someone who knows.
You realize how short a month when you pay alimony.
You spotted snakes with double tongue... be not seen.
You tell 'em Hard-Boiled Egg, you're hard to beat.
You tell 'em Bank, you're safe.
You tell 'em Hunter, I'm game.
You tell 'em Mountain, I'm only a bluff.
You tell 'em Calendar, you've got lots of dates.
You tell 'em June, And don't July.
You tell 'em Piano, you're upright and square.
You tell 'em Cemetery, you are so grave.
You tell 'em Dentist, you've got the pull.
You tell 'em Simon, I'll Legree.
You tell 'em Moon, you're out all night.
You tell 'em Cashier, I'm a poor teller.
You tell 'em Bean, He's stringing you.
You tell 'em Gambler, you've got winning ways.
You tell 'em Doctor, you've got the patience.
You tell 'em Operator, you've got their number.
You tell 'em Playing Cards, you know the joker.
You tell 'em Church Bell, I told you.
You tell 'em Hunter, I'm a duck.
You tell 'em Clock, you've got the time.
You tell 'em Brake, you've got the drag.
You tell 'em Custard Pie, you've got the crust.
You tell 'em Electricity, you can shock 'em.
You tell 'em Railroad, It's not along my line.
You tell 'em Chloroform, you can put them to sleep.
You tell 'em Bald Head, you're smooth.
You tell 'em Submarine, I can't seaplane.
You tell 'em Teacher, you've got the class.
You tell 'em Cigarette, you're lit up.
You tell 'em Goldfish, you've been around the globe.
You tell 'em Skyscraper, you have more than one story.
You tell 'em Horse, you carry a tale.
You tell 'em Manicurist, I've been trimmed.
You tell 'em September Morn, no one has anything on you.
You tell 'em Cucumber, I've been pickled.
You tell 'em Shoemaker, you know awl.
You tell 'em Dough, you're well bred.
You tell 'em Cat, That's what you're fur.
You tell 'em Dictionary, you're full of information.
You tell 'em Cabbage, you've got the head.
You tell 'em Butcher, you've got a lot of tongue.
You tell 'em Envelope, you're well posted.
You tell 'em Printer, I'm not your type.
You tell 'em Banana, you've been skinned.
You think you have troubles?  Even my sundial is slow.
You will be a winner today. Fight with a four-year-old.
You win some and you lose some. But think qualitatively.
You'll always overlook one of those pins in a new shirt.
You'll never find it, in all that loose clothing.
You'll never know until you ask the right source.
You're being followed, cut out hanky-panky for a few days
You're really hard up if you steal *this* tagline.
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn.
Youngsters remember anything if it happened or not.
Your best response: Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
Your call will be answered in the order it was ignored.
Your code is theoretically beautiful, but it won't work.
Your future, with the Maker or the Baker is up to you.
Your karma just ran over my dogma.
Your lucky color is fading.
Your mileage may vary.
Your sin, was it of omission, commission, or emission?
Your solution stinks. The problem is very interesting.
Your sweet words suck a morning dew off the honeysuckle.
Your trouble is that your absence makes good company.
Your Yin and Yang are no longer on speaking terms.
Youth + confidence + myopia = naivete.
Youth, a habit of hers so long she couldn't part with it.
Youth isn't a time of life, but a state of mind.
Youthful figure: What you get when asking a woman's age.
Zippy the pinhead is a twit.
ZMODEM has bigger bits, softer blocks, and tighter ASCII.
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