SAGE

"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying "Booga, Booga!"
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying UTS is out to lunch!
"Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again.
One day I woke up and discovered that I was in love with tripe.
One lawyer can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
Open Channel D...
Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
Paul Lynde to block...
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
reboot it, during a FAT
People usually get what's coming to them...Unless it's been mailed.
...as American as English muffins and French toast. 
1955-1975: 36 Elvis movies. 1975-1993: nothing.
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
A Big Mac, french fries and a large Coke!
A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.
A child of 5 could understand this!  Fetch me a child of 5.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure.
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet.
A harp is a nude piano.
A heavy purse makes a light heart. - Irish proverb
A man, a plan, a canal.  Suez!
A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.
A man's house is his hassle.
A misguided platypus will lay its eggs in your shorts.
A nearby penny is worth a distant dollar. 
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well.
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a clean desk.
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. 
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
Abolish first marriages!
Above all else -- sky.
Abstain from beans.
Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
Abstract Art,n.A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Accuracy: The vice of being right.
Achievement, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Adolescence,n. That period of time between puberty and adultery.
Adult: One old enough to know better.
Advancement in position.
Advertising agency: eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission.
After all is said and done, usually more is said then done.
Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Aging is bad, but consider the alternative.
Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
Alimony: bounty after the mutiny, the high cost of leaving. All diagnostics are fatal.
All generalizations are bad. 
All people smile in the same language.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All the world's a stage and the people on it are poorly rehearsed.
All things are possible except skiing thru a revolving door.
All true wisdom is found on T--shirts.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
America! the land of the Chrysler 440 cubic inch engine!
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
An optimist laughs to forget... a pessimist forgets to laugh.
Anarchy is against the law.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
And here's another clue for you all:  The walrus was Paul.
And now, for something completely different.
And that, my lord, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Any given program: Once running, is obsolete.
Any given program: Will expand to fill all available resources.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Anyone want a burger? It has cheese on both sides!
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Anything is possible, unless it's not.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auctioneer, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue. 
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy
Avoid criticism--say, do and be nothing.
Baby carriage bumper sticker:   "POO-POO HAPPENS!'' 
Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon.
Badges?  We don't need no stinkin' badges! 
Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Be alert, the world needs more lerts.
Be reasonable. Do it my way.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Behind every successful man--a surprised mother-in-law.
Better attitudes through chemistry.
Between two evils, always pick the one you never tried before.
Beware of a dark--haired man with a loud tie.
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
Beware of dark rooms... they might be the morgue.
Beware of low flying butterflies.
Beware the legless man who teaches running.
Beware the thirty--first of November.
Bidet?  Try washing your whole body. 
Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
Bimbos should be obscene and not heard.
Biology grows on you.
Biz is better.
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
Brain fried -- Core dumped
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank: the big chunks rise to the top
But I don't like Spam!!!!
But this is my sister's bike!
But you shall not escape my iambics.
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange. Can you remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?
Can you whistle 300 baud?
Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.
Careful planning will never replace dumb luck.
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Charity:  a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
Check again to make sure it's not loaded.
Cheech!  Hey!  Cheech! 
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
Clark Kent is a transvestite.
Classified material requires proper storage.
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Climate is what you expect.  Weather is what you get.
Clones are people two.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
Coastal access, next left.
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
Cocaine isn't habit forming.  I should know -- I've been using it for years.Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum--I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. 
Cole's law--thinly sliced cabbage.
Collaboration: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
Compromise: The fine art of making sure that nobody gets what they really want. 
Computer Science is embarrassed by the computer.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
Computers are useless; they can only give answers. 
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Computers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but your operators.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confucious say too damn much!
Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!
Congratulations!  The pressure will stop soon.
Congratulations!  You are the one--millionth user to log into our system.
Congratulations!  You have now used up another 250 hours of CPU time.
Conscience is the inner voice^that warns us somebody is looking.
Consider your reputation.  Try changing your name and moving to a new town.
Continental Life. Why do you ask?
Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. 
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs.
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Create your own opportunity.  Blackmail a senior executive.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Credo, quia absurdum est.^[I believe, because it is absurd.]
Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?
Cynic: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
Dad, have you seen Blip? I can't find him anywhere!
Daisies of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains.
Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!
Darth Vadar!  Only you would be so bold.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Dating is like Geometry: If you've got the curves, I've got the angles.
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory rats.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.
Decaffeinated coffee?  Kinda like kissing your sister. 
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
Department meeting in 3 minutes.
Details 20 minutes from now on Action Central News, kids.
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
Difference between a house and a home--a family.
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Diplomacy--the art of letting someone have your way.
Direct action produces direct reaction.
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
Disks travel in packs.
Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.
Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Do not tell big lies.  Small ones can be just as effective.
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Do you always hit the nail right on the thumb?.
Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means?
Do your knees buckle, but not your belt?.
Documentation is the castor oil of programming...
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Does your back go out more than you do?.
Doesn't matter if it's gold--long as it's silver.
Doghouse:  A mutt hut.
Doing nothing makes you tired 'cause you can't take a break.
Don't ask me what the score is.  I'm not even sure what the game is!
Don't eat yellow snow.
Don't everyone thank me at once.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't I know you?
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Don't look now, but there is a multi--legged creature on your shoulder
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
Don't panic.
Don't read everything you believe.
Don't stop at one bug.
Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros.
Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done. 
Don't use no double negatives.
Don't vote--it only encourages them!
Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today, it's already tomorrow in Australia.
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Draw from your fine command of language and say nothing.
Drive carefully, death is so permanent.
Drop that pickle.
Dry dock:  A thirsty physician.
hy and boring.
Easy credit terms available... - Satan
Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow you diet.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Eeeney-Meeney, Chili-beanie, the spirits are about to speak! - Bullwinkle
Eh-buh-dee, Eh-buh-dee, Ehhh --^Thhhhthat's all, Folks! - Porky Pig
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
Enter your personal identification number.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Eschew Obfuscation.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Ever just seem to not be able to get around to procrastinating?
Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
Ever wish you had a copy of tomorrow's newspaper?
Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT.
Every once in a while I feel that I am at two with the universe.
Every purchase has its price.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!
Every why hath a wherefore.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everything coming your way? you're in the wrong lane!.
Everything goes on sale ... right after you buy it.
Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler. 
Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.
Exhaustion error: DOS is too tired to boot.
Experience is a comb that nature gives us when we are bald. 
Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.
Expert--anyone from out of town.
Expert--knows tomorrow why today's prediction failed.
F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a drn!.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Failure is never fatal and success is never final.
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
Familiarity breeds.
Fatal error at 2dh^^Abort, Retry, Ignore, Curse me out?
Feces Occurs.
Feel good? don't worry, you'll get over it.
Felson's Law: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is messed up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
First Law of Advice: The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired.
Flee at once, all is discovered.
Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write a bad program.
Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and missing!
For a good time, call (408) 555--1212.
For best results, squeeze from the bottom of the tube.
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
For those of you who think life is a joke, just think of the punchline.
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.
Fort Wayne is not the headquarters of F troop.
Fortunately... no one's in control. 
Free the Indianapolis 500.
Freedom is doing what you like, happiness liking what you do.
Friction is a drag.
Friends are people you can be quiet with.
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
From Sharp minds come... pointed heads. 
Fudd's First Law:  "If you push something hard enough, it will fall over."
Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured. 
Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs.
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
Garbage In, Gospel Out
Gary Hart:  living proof that you *can* screw your brains out.
Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. 
Gentlemen, it appears to be unanimous that we cannot agree.
Get off your ASCII.
Get out the Crisco.
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Girls just wanna have fun...Guys just wanna have girls.
Girls just want to have fun - C. Lauper
Girls just want to have lunch - A. Yankovic
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
Give me librium or give me meth.
Give up.
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Go away, kid.  You bother me.
Go Hawaiian: Give your gal a lei.
Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!!!
Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.
Gort, klaatu birada nikto.
Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.
Great beer bellies are made, not born.
Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god, Ra!  Ra!  Ra!
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true.
Hand, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. 
Happiness is not a destination.  It's the trip.
Happiness is wanting what you have.
Hard where? Soft where?
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
Have you seen Quasimodo?  I had a hunch he was back.
He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions...
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
He taught us drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils.
He was so narrow--minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
He who enters contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors.
He who has had, has been, but he who hasn't been, has been had.
He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
He who is henpecked may lend an ear to other chicks.
He who laughs last, didn't get the punch line.
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
He who looks like his passport photo is not well enough to travel.
He who slings mud loses ground.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Hindsight is an exact science.
Hire the morally handicapped.
Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
Hollywood:  Where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.
Holy Hand Grenades, Batman!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
Honk if you love obscene gestures.
Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
How about a little fire, scarecrow?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
I am made from the dust of the stars, the oceans flow in my veins.
I am not young enough to know everything. 
I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle it's much too confining.
I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
I come unbundled.
I could prove God statistically. - George Gallup
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to tell such LIES!
I distinctly remember forgetting that. 
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
I do desire we may be better strangers.
I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.
I don't deserve this, but then, I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
I don't even know what street Canada is on. - Al Capone
I don't know what you mean by YOUR way, all the ways about here belong to ME
I don't meet competition, I crush it.
I don't mind dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I don't mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achive immortality by not dying.
I don't want to be a millionaire.  I just want to live like one.
I don't want to be young again, I just don't want to get any older.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
I have become comfortably numb.
I have been poor and I have been rich.  Rich is better.
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I kew a girl, she was a macho man.
I know it all, I just can't remember it all at once.
I know karate...and seven other Chinese words.
I like it better in the dark.
I like the future, I'm in it.
I like the word `indolence.' It makes my laziness seem classy. 
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
I may be an idiot, but indeed I am no fool. - Men at Work
I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
I never did it that way before.
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
I program, therefore I am.
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
I survived Catholic school.
I think, therefore I am paid.
I think, therefore I am.  I think.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now. 
I was born in 1962. True. And the room next to me was 1963... 
I was playing poker the other night, with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I will make you shorter by the head.
I wish the Arabs and the Jews would settle their differences like Christian gentlemen.
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
II wouldn't shoot him if I were you.  It will just make him mad.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. 
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
I'd love to, but I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'd love to, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I'd love to, but I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
I'd love to, but I feel a song coming on.
I'd love to, but I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
I'd love to, but I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
I'd love to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
I'd love to, but I have to bleach my hare.
I'd love to, but I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
I'd love to, but I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
I'd love to, but I have to floss my cat.
I'd love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap.
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my destiny.
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
I'd love to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering.
I'd love to, but I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
I'd love to, but I have to jog my memory.
I'd love to, but I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.
I'd love to, but I have to sit up with a sick ant.
I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
I'd love to, but I have to study for a blood test.
I'd love to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
I'd love to, but I have too much guilt.
I'd love to, but I left my body in my other clothes.
I'd love to, but I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
I'd love to, but I never go out on days that end in "Y".
I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
I'd love to, but I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.
I'd love to, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
I'd love to, but I'll be looking for a parking space.
I'd love to, but I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
I'd love to, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'd love to, but I'm being deported.
I'd love to, but I'm building a pig from a kit.
I'd love to, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
I'd love to, but I'm doing door--to--door collecting for static cling.
I'd love to, but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
I'd love to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
I'd love to, but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
I'd love to, but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
I'd love to, but I'm going to be old someday.
I'd love to, but I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
I'd love to, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
I'd love to, but I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
I'd love to, but I'm in training to be a household pest.
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to, but I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
I'd love to, but I'm sandblasting my oven.
I'd love to, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
I'd love to, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I'd love to, but I'm too young for that stuff.
I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut down.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
I'd love to, but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I'd love to, but I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
I'd love to, but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
I'd love to, but I'm worried about my vertical hold.
I'd love to, but I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
I'd love to, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I'd love to, but I've been traded to Cincinnati.
I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I'd love to, but I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
I'd love to, but It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'd love to, but It's my parakeet's bowling night.
I'd love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.
I'd love to, but it's too close to the turn of the century.
I'd love to, but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
I'd love to, but my Millard Fillmore Fan Club meets then.
I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting.
I'd love to, but my chocolate--appreciation class meets that night.
I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together.
I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd love to, but my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
I'd love to, but my palm reader advised against it.
I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
I'd love to, but my plot to take over the world is thickening.
I'd love to, but my subconscious says no.
I'd love to, but my uncle escaped again.
I'd love to, but my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
I'd love to, but none of my socks match.
I'd love to, but people are blaming me for the Spanish--American War.
I'd love to, but the President said he might drop in.
I'd love to, but the grunion are running.
I'd love to, but the last time I went, I never came back.
I'd love to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
I'd love to, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.
I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.
I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I'll get you Dorothy. . . and your little dog, too! 
I'll give you a definite maybe.
I'll never get off this planet.
I'm a Leo.  Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff.
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.
I'm a programmer, I don't do COBOL.
I'm an influential person -- gravitationally speaking.
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator".
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing.
I'm not completely worthless, I can always serve as a bad example.
I'm not overweight, I'm undertall! - Garfield
I'm not really bad -- I'm just drawn that way. - Jessica Rabbit
I'm okay and you're okay. . . but I'm more okay than you are. 
I'm sick of being trodden on!  The Elder Gods say they can make me a man! 
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
If all else fails...lower your standards.
If all the world's a stage I want better lighting, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. 
If at first you don't succeed, give up.  No use being a damn fool.
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
If at first you don't succeed, you'll get lots of advice.
If at first you don't succeed you're running about average.
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
If God had intended man to have computers, he would have given him 16 fingers.
If God had wanted man to fly, He would have given him airline tickets.
If God had wanted man to go around nude, He would have given him bigger hands.
If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not use.
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it is to be, it is up to me.
If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
If it wasn't for time everything would happen at once.
If it wasn't so cool out today, it would be warmer.
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If life had a vomit meter, we'd be off the scale.
If life is a bed of roses, then you must be one of the pricks. :)
If life is a bowl of cherries then what am I doing in the pits. 
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
If looks could kill it would've been us instead of him!
If love was meant to be easy, everybody would be in it. 
If Mohammed can't go to the mountain, then that's his problem.
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged.
If payment has been recently mailed, please disregard this notice.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
If the facts do not conform to your theory, they must be disposed of.
If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
If time heals all wounds, why does the belly button stay the same?
If we can't fix it -- its broken!
If we can't fix it -- we'll fix it so nobody can.
If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
If you love something set it free, if it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it!
If you see an onion ring... answer it.
IIf you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.
If you think you have no faults, that makes one.
If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you see what happens today.
If you want to look young and thin, hand around old fat people.
If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it.
If you're not careful, you're going to catch something.
If you've got part of it, flaunt that part.
If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you were built upside down.
If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance you won't have any.
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
Immortality: A fate worse than death. 
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
In case of fire....yell "FIRE".
IIn God we trust -- all others require a credit check.
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.
In space, no one can hear you fart.
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
Indecision is the key to flexibility. 
Individualists: Unite!
Inferiority complex:  a conviction by a jury of your fears. 
Infinity is just time on an ego trip. 
Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
Insert your card magnetic stripe down.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Institute: An archaic school where football in not taught.
Insurance, n. An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
Is it a game of chance?  Not the way I play it.
Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know?
Is the US ready for self-government?
Is this a machine?  I don't talk to machines!  [Click]
Is this bullshit or fertilizer? 
Is this really happening?
It is always darkest before it goes totally black. 
It is always the partner's fault.
It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain. 
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is difficult to prophesy, especially about the future.
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
It is easier to stay out than to get out. 
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
It is later than you think.
It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
It is now proven beyond doubt that smoking is the leading cause of statistics. 
It is the business of the future to be dangerous. 
It just goes to show you, its always something.
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been always thus.
It works better if you plug it in.
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.
IIt's six o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your terminal to explode.
It's smart to pick your friends -- but not your nose.
Its hard to be graceful getting off your high horse.
IJESUS SAVES, but Clones 'R' Us makes backups! 
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Jimmy Hoffa--please call home.
Jones' Motto: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Judge people by what they are, not where they are.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT trying to get you.
Just when you think your winning the rat race, along come faster rats.
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Keep grandmothers off the streets -- legalize bingo.
Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to eat them.
Ketterling's Law: Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
Kin: An affliction of the blood.
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
Kitman's Law: Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
Kix are for trids.
Klaatu barada nikto.
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
Know thyself.  If you need help, call the C.I.A.
Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers.
Knowledge is good.
Knowledge is knowing that you don't know.
Knowledge is power.
Knowledge without common sense is folly.
KnowwhatImean, KnowwhatImean, nudge-nudge, grin-grin, wink-wink, say-no-more.
Koala Triangle: a mysterious zone in the Southern Hemisphere where persons of talent disappear without trace. - Barry Humphries, glossary from A Nice Night's Entertainment, 1981
Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
Laetrile is the pits.
Last week I couldn't even spell engineer, now I are one.
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
Laughter... the no side effect tranquilizer.
Law of Communications: The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
Lawsuit, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Lawyers work in their briefs.
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.
Lead on, MacDuff!
Leakproof seals... do.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Lemon curry ?!?
Let me play with it first and I'll tell you what it is later.
Let me see what happen when you roll your face on the keyboard.
Let me take you a buttonhole lower.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
Life and liberty are safe only when congress is in recess.
Life is a game.  Money is how we keep score.
Life is a rotten job and the hours are a bitch.
Life is just a party and party weren't meant to last.
Life is just one thing after another.
Life is like a diaper -- short and loaded.
Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
Life's a bitch and then you die.
Life's a bitch and then you marry one.
Light at the end of the tunnel? look out for that train.
LOGIN PROCEEDING. LOGIN PROCEEDING.
Loafer-- someone trying to make two weekends meet.
Loosen up, baby, I'm in love with you.
Lord Falkland's Rule: When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.
Lose weight--eat stuff you hate.
Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.
Love. . . She is Blind, No? - Pep_ LePew
Lunatic Asylum: The place where optimism most flourishes.
Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
Make sure comments and code agree.
Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.
Make three consecutive correct guesses and you will be considered an expert.
Man and wife make one fool.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
Many are called, few volunteer.
Many people are unenthusiastic about your work.
Marriage Ceremony:  An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. - O. C. Ogilvie
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
Mature software:  code old enough that for every bug fixed, one or more new bugs are created. - Karl Lehenbauer
Mausoleum:  The final and funniest folly of the rich. - Ambrose Bierce
May all your hang-ups be drip-dry.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May you live in uninteresting times.
May you never live to see your wife a widow.
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
Meditation is not what you think.
Meekness:  Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.
Memories of you remind me of you.
Men have many faults, women only two, all they say & all they do.
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Middle Age: Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!
Mind your own business, Spock.  I'm sick of your half-breed interference.
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Monday: In Christian countries, the day after the football game.
Money is like a promise, easier made then kept.
Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs roots.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
Murphy was an optimist.
My Biscuits are Burnin'! - Yosemite Sam
My brain hurts!
My computer can beat up your computer.
My computer puts out.
My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
My Karma ran over my dogma.
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion. - Sting
miracle:  an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment. - Webster's Dictionary
Nanu nanu!
Neurotic: Self-taut person. - Author Unknown
Neutrinos are into physicists.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one.
Never argue with a fool.  People might not know the difference.
Never argue with anyone who buys ink by the gallon.
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
Never give a gun to ducks.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
Never leave anything to chance; Make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!"
Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
Never throw a bird at a dragon.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and bothers the pig.
Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb.
New UNIX/TS manuals available in 2F--101.
Next Wednesday you will be presented with a great opportunity.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
No it isn't!
No one can get ahead of you when they're kicking you in the rear.
No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
No user-serviceable parts inside.  Refer to qualified service personnel.
No wife of *mine* is doing any dishes.  That's what we had the kid for.
Nobody can be exactly like me.  Even I have trouble doing it.
Nobody can give you freedom.
Noncombatant:  A dead Quaker.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Not now, Kato.
Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature.
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Nudists are people who wear one--button suits.
Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck! [POP!] Oooooooh, a wise guy!
Ocean:  A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. - Ambrose Bierce
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
Oh - to be in L.A. when the polyethyl-vinyl trees are in bloom!
Old age = you + 20 years.
Old age needs so little, but it needs that little so much.
Old bakers never die, they just quit making dough.
Old frogs never die...but they do croak.
Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on.
Old is needing a fire permit for your birthday cake.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
On all LaserGrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
One bag of money is stronger than two bags of truth.
One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
One good turn gets the whole blanket.
One picture is worth a thousand words. See diagram below.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
Optimist is person who thinks he can break up traffic jam by blowing horn.
Our business is run on trust.  We trust you will pay in advance.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated.
Overwrite existing keystroke macro [yn]? - BRIEF Editor
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
Panic: can't find  rm --rf *
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Parkinson's First Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Parkinson's Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
Password:
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
Pause for storage relocation.
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtains.
People are more than fun than anybody. 
People don't form relationships, they take hostages.
People should be measured in feats, not feet.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
People who think they know it all are especially annoying to those who do.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
Ph.D.: Piled Higher & Deeper.
Phasors locked on target, Captain.
Philanthropist, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
Philosophy:  A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
Physician:  One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
PI seconds is a nanocentury.
Pink is the navy blue of India.
PLEASE LOG OFF!.... NOW ! ! !
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
Plastic packaged foods are very uncanny.
Please go away.
Please take cash.
Plow a straight furrow and you're in a rut.
Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Politician:  An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared.  When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.  As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive. - Ambrose Bierce
Politics:  A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Practice yourself what you preach.
Practiss makes perfict.
Pray for the success of atheism.
Pray:  To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. - Ambrose Bierce
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.
Presidency:  The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
Pressure is the natural force acting upon an engineer.
Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Pride is what we have...vanity is what others have.
Proboscis:  The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him.  For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
Procrastination--the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best. - Troutman's Second Programming Postulate
Professional wrestling:  ballet for the common man.
Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark.
Programmers get overlaid.
Programming Department:  Mistakes made while you wait.
Pronounce your prepositions, damn it!
Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.
Pssst.   The root password is 'kumquat'.
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
PURGE COMPLETE.
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.

Put your nose to the grindstone and you're a bloody fool.
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
Racial characteristics: violently loud alcoholic roughnecks whose idea of fun is to throw up on your car. The national sport is breaking furniture and the average daily consumption of beer in Sydney is ten and three quarters Imperial gallons for children under the age of nine. - P. J. O'Rourke, 'Foreigners Around the World',National Lampoon, 1976
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
Raise ducks for a quack profit.
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
Reading legal mush can turn your brain to guacamole! - Amiga ROM Kernel Manual
Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience.
Reality does not exist -- yet.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
Reality is often inaccurate.
Reality--what a concept!
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
Reduce your IOU to IRS with an IRA.
Refreshed by a brief blackout, I got to my feet and went next door.
Rehumanize yourself!
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.
Remember that two wrongs do not make a right -- but that three lefts do.
Remembering is for those who have forgotten.
Repel them.  Repel them.  Induce them to relinquish the spheroid.
Reputation: What others are not thinking about you.
Resist everything but temptation.
Retribution will be yours.
Riches:  A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased." - John D. Rockefeller, (slander by Ambrose Bierce)
Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Rotten wood cannot be carved -- Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Run away!
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
Saint:  A dead sinner revised and edited.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Sarcasm: barbed ire.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
Save energy, be apathetic.
Save gas, don't eat beans.
Save our virgin forests -- buy a tree a chastity belt.
Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds!
Say, can I use that in my tagline?
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin, Man.
Sculpture: mud pies that endure.
SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards.
SEMPER UBI SUB UBI !!!!
Sears has everything.
Semper Fi, dude.
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Serfs up! - Spartacus
Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Sex causes cancer.  We'd wipe out cancer in one generation if no one had sex.
Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
Sex is like air.  It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the answer.
Shanahan's Law: The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.
She cried -- and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
She just, turns around and disappear. I kinda like that style.
She may very well pass for forty three in the dusk with a light behind her.
She was another one of his near Mrs.
She's descended from a long line her mother listened to.
Sheep are best!
Ship it.
Shit Happens.
Short circuits got no reason to live.
Short cut... the longest distance between two points.
Show respect for age.  Drink good scotch for a change.
Shower with the people you love.
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
Sign on bank:  "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION--DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
Silence cannot be misquoted.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll--on Mace!
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
So you're back.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
Some men are not fools, they stayed bachelors.
Some people aren't hard of hearing, but hard of listening.
Some people believe anything if you whisper it.
Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing.
Some people have one of those days. I have one of those lives!
Some people march to the beat of a different drummer- and some polka.
Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
Someone is speaking well of you.  How unusual!
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
Sometimes you get the elevator and sometimes you get the shaft.
Sorry, computer foul--up!
Sorry.
Sorry.   Nice try.
Spare the rod and spoil the drag race.
Stalin's grave is a Communist plot.
Stalinism begins at home.
State Farm?  Guard dogs?
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old.
Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
Streakers repent!   Your end is in sight.
Structured Programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.
Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.
Success is a journey, not a destination.
Success is not permanent, neither is failure.
Succumb to natural tendencies.   Be hateful and boring.
Suddenly, Nothing Happened! but, it happened suddenly.
Support Mental Health.  Or I'll kill you.
Support National Motherhood Week -- Make one today!
Support your local church.  Worship at Bank of America.
Sure fire diet, swallowing pride.
Swallow your pride, it is non-fattening.
Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
Sweer's Impossibility Theorem: Nothing can be both completely general and internally consistent at the same time.
Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
System checkpoint complete.
System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
System maintenance about to begin.
System restarting, wait.
Tact is rubbing out another's mistake instead or rubbing it in.
Tact is the unsaid part of what you're thinking.
Tailgater--one who makes ends meet.
Take my advice.  I'm not using it.
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.
Talk is cheap unless you hire a lawyer.
Tax forms should read "income owed us" and "in commode you".
Teachers have class.
Teamwork is vital... it gives you someone to blame.
Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong.
THINK! or THWIM!
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
That is a two part question ...
That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
That's user, u s r, and then there's a space ...
That's what she said.
The absent are always at fault.
The adverb always follows the verb.
The agony of delete.
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
The best audience is intelligent, well educated and a little drunk.
The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
The bug starts here.
The bug stops here.
The coast was clear.
The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to eat.
The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
The disks are getting full; purge a file today.
The door is the key.
The Einstein theory is relatively simple.
The early worm gets the bird.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
The F-15 Eagle: If it's up, we'll shoot it down.  If it's down, we'll blow it up.
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
The above statement is not true:
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
The fourth law of thermodynamics: The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.
The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
The future isn't what it used to be.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
The golden rule:  He who has the gold makes the rules.
The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
The greatest man in history was the poorest.
The greatest pleasure--doing what they said couldn't be done.
The honeymoon is that short period of doting between dating and debting.
The Law of Selective Gravity (The Buttered Side Down Law): An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
The last person who said that, God rest his soul, lived to regret it.
The Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
The meek are contesting the will.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.
The meek shall inherit the earth.  The rest of us will go to the stars.
The meek shall inherit the earth.  They are too weak to refuse.
The moon is made of green cheese.
The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
The most harmful error has not yet been discovered in your program.
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. - Albert Einstein
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
The next six days are dangerous.
The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
The only race worth winning is the human race.
The only thing constant is change.
The only thing funnier than how things don't work out, is how they do.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.
The pen is mightier than the pencil.
The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.
The plural of spouse is spice.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
The Roman Rule: The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The rat race is over; the rats won.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. 
The Swartzberg Test: The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
The scariest words known to man: "We need to talk."
The scenery only changes for the lead dog. (the Law of the Yukon)
The smoker you drink, the player you get.
The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money.
The Three Rules of Social Intercourse:^It's easier to believe a lie than the truth; It's always worse than they say it is; and People are like water -- they follow the path of least resistance. - Brad Kozak
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
The two great tragedies in life: not getting what one wants and getting it.
The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The unnatural, that too is natural.
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
The world is coming to an end.  Please log off.
The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
The world isn't worse.  It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
The worst form of failure is the failure to try.
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
There are more horses' asses in this world than there are horses.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
There are no giant crabs in here, Frank.
There are only two emotions in Wall Street: fear and greed.
There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies, and statistics.
There are two kinds of egotists: 1) Those who admit it  2) The rest of us
There are two ways to write error-free programs;  only the third one works.
There goes Bill!
There is a bear following you around.
There is always an easier way to do it.
There is always one more bug.
There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
There is life after death: in Cleveland, people are still allowed to vote.
There is much Obi--Wan did not tell you.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
There is news.
There is no "A" in "KERNEL"!
There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk.
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
There is no security on this earth.  There is only opportunity.
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
There is no such thing as a little garlic.
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us.
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt.
There's a bug somewhere in your code.
There's an Italian in my room and he won't go away!
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
There's got to be more to life than compile--and--go.
There's no fool like an old fool, 'cause he's experienced.
There's no future in time travel.
There's no need to fear, UNDERDOG is here!
There's no such thing as gravity - the earth sucks.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
They communicated by tap-dancing and farting. - "Breakfast of Champions"
They don't make nostalgia like they used to.
Things are always at their best in the beginning. - Pascal
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Things past redress and now with me past care.
Things will be brighter tonight.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
Things won't get any better, so get used to it.
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
Third Law of Advice: Simple advice is the best advice.
This afternoon is favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.
This ain't no party! This ain't no disco! This ain't no foolin' around!
This tagline is inoperative.  Please try another.
This tsgline is owned and operated by Frobazz Magic Co., Ltd.
This is a good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
This is a good time to punt work.
This is now.  Later is later.
This is the day for firm decisions!  Or is it?
This login session:  $13.99
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
This piece is chock full of omissions.
This place has everything.
This portion of UTS II is a trade secret of Amdahl Corporation.
This sentance has threee errors.
This sentence contains ten words, eighteen syllables, and sixty--four letters.
This system will self--destruct in five minutes.
This unit ... must ... survive.
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Thoreau's Law: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, write.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
Thou shall not sleep within an interrupt handler.
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Thufir's a Harkonnen now.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Time is money, and many people pay their debts with it.
Time wounds all heels.
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
To be born rich is an accident; to die rich is a miracle.
To be is to program.
To be wise, the only thing you need to know is when to say "I don't know."
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human, to forgive is out of the question.
To err is human, to forgive is unusual.
To err is human -- to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To err is human. To really screw up takes a computer.
To every exception there is a rule.
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.
To get a loan you must prove you don't need it.
To have died once is enough.
To hell with criticism.  Praise is good enough for me.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
Today is a good day to bribe a high--ranking official.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be prosecuted.
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN!
Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.
Try later.
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
Trying to establish voice contact--please yell into keyboard.
Tuck under thumb and hold firmly.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
Two kind of people in this world - winners\losers. 
Two kinds of trouble in this world - living\dying.
Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane.
Two wrongs do not make a right: it usually takes three or more.
UFO's are real.  The Air Force doesn't exist.
UNIX should be used as an adjective. - AT&T
Under every stone lurks a politician.
University:  A modern school where football is taught.
Unix soit qui mal y pense.
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
Unusual cheeses.
Unwritten laws can not be erased.
Up your accumulator.
Use free--form input where possible
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
Use library functions.
Use the Force, Luke.
Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale across the beach.
Victory or defeat!
Vini, vidi, vici.
Vique's Law: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Visit beautiful Vergas, Minnesota.
Visit beautiful Wisconsin Dells.
VMS must die!
Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.
Voodoo Programming:  Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work but they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work, such as recompiling everything. - Karl Lehenbauer
Vote Anarchist.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
Wanna do something big? pick up a boulder.
Want to forget all your troubles? Wear tight shoes.
Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
Watch out where the Huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow!
Watson! Come here! I need you!
We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.
We don't know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasn't a fish.
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
We have finished the job, what shall we do with the tools?
We may be alone.  We may not be alone. Either way, the thought is staggering.
We must believe in free will.  We have no choice.
We need a new cosmology.  New Gods.  New Sacraments.  Another drink.
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
We will release no software before its time.
We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu.
We're all over it, like a cheap suit.
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
Weekends were made for programming.
Welcome to The Machine.
Welcome to the Future!  It's just starting now ...
Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken!
Well begun is half done.
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule: Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, add 3, and change the unit of measure to the next higher unit.
Whadda ya mean, "we"?
Whadda ya want for nothin'?  Rubber biscuit?
What I ought to do, I can; if I can, why don't I?
What is going on here!
What is Life?  It's the cereal Mikey likes.
What is worth doing is worth doing for money.
What is worth doing is worth overdoing.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens. - Bengamin Disraeli
What we are selling are hopes and dreams, not frozen peas. - Michel C. Bergerac (1932-    )^Revlon
What we do not understand we do not possess. - Goethe
What we learn from history is that we do not learn from history.
What we love we shall grow to resemble. - Bernard of Clairvaux
What we want is a story that starts with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax. - Samuel Goldwyn
What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich.
What you need is love potion #9.
What you see can depend on what you look for.
What's all this brouhaha?
What's so funny?
Whatever you say about pornography, sex is here to stray.
When a hammer is the only tool, every problem looks like a nail.
When a man says money can do anything, that settles it: he hasn't any.
When a New Yorker looks as if he's suntan, it's probably rust.
When everybody's out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking.
When in doubt, lead trump.
When in doubt, take all the defaults.
When in doubt, use brute force.
When in doubt, mumble.
When inlaws are outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
When money talks there are few interruptions.
When people share their fears with you, share your courage back.
When talking nonsense try not to be serious.
When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
When you finally discover all of Life's answers, they'll change the questions.
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
When you wake up in the morning and nothing hurts you can be sure your dead.
When you're at the end of your rope...tie a knot and hold on.
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
Where are we?
Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it?
Where the hell is /usr/hippo?
Where the hell is Omak?
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
Where there's a whip there's a way.
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Where's the beef?
Where's the party?!
Which is not a complete sentence, but merely a subordinate clause.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Who are you?
Who is W. O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
Who needs dignity when you can be in the show business?
Who reformatted the root disk?
Who was Bruce Clarke?
Who was Dan Walsh?
Who was Dave Cardinal?
Who was Evan Adams?
Who was Frank Suchomel?
Who was Jim Voll?
Who was Karl Danz?
Who was Lorrie Duval?
Who was Mark Linton?
Who was Steve Saperstein?
Who was Tom Lyon?
Who's scruffy looking?
Who? Me, Officer?
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane.
Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC.
Whoops, I formatted the root disk.
Whoops, stepped on a frog.
Why are there no black M&M's?
Why are there no blue M&M's?
Why are there no day-glo M&M's?
Why are there no fuchisa M&M's?
Why are there no grey M&M's?
Why are there no lavender M&M's?
Why are there no mauve M&M's?
Why are there no pink M&M's?
Why are there no polka dot M&M's?
Why are there no purple M&M's?
Why are there no red M&M's?
Why are there no tan M&M's?
Why are there no white M&M's?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?
Women's Libbers are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
Work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
Would the last person to leave Michigan please turn out the lights?
Y B ordinary.
Yesterday is a memory.  Tomorrow is a vision.  Today is a bitch.
You always find something in the last place you look, unless it's not there.
You are an insult to my intelligence!  I demand that you log off immediately.
You are being paged.
You are being swapped.
You are being watched.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You are confident of things you know nothing about.
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
You are in a maze of twisty little programs, all alike.
You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike.
You are lustworthy.
You are not thinking. You are merely being logical.
You are rotten to the core, Snidely Whiplash, rotten, rotten, rotten!
You are standing on my toes.
You are truly a rhinestone in the rough.
You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
You can be replaced by a machine that flushes.
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
You can lead a horse to water, and if he walks on it patent him.
You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
You can send someone to college, but you can't make him think.
You can't even cut the cheese.
You can't fool me--there ain't no sanity clause.
You can't get snot off of a suede jacket. - Lenny Bruce
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
You can't have everything... where would you put it?
You can't have money like that and not swell out.
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly--only sooner than she thought you would.
You can't pray a lie.
You can't underestimate the power of fear.
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
You cannot see the wood for the trees.
You couldn't get me on Mars if it were the last place on earth.
You dialed 5483.
You don't give a damn about apathy.
You don't know what you want, and are willing to go through hell to get it.
You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
You don't usually see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
You dream of things that aren't and ask "why not?".
You enjoy the company of other people.
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
You fill a much--needed gap.
You hate mail.
You have a frog in your pocket?
You have a massage.  (From the Swedish prime minister.)
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
You have an important role as a negative example.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You have fallen so far behind, there is no reason to log in.
You have had a long--term stimulation relative to business.
You have hate mail.
You have junk mail.
You have mail.
You have many friends and very few living enemies.
You have only a very small head and must live within it.
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You will learn a lot today.
You have to run between the raindrops if you want to see the sun... 
You haven't a single redeeming vice.
You killed Ted, you medieval dick-weed! - Bill
You knew this job was dangerous when you took it!
You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid?  Well, MINE are even WORSE!
You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip
You know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
You look marvelous.
You look rather rash my dear your colors don't quite match your face.
You may already be a wiener!
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer!
You may be recognized soon.  Hide.
You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth. - Nicklaus Wirth
You may now log in to life.  Password:
You mean I can put stuff past column 72? WOW! UNIX is great!
You mean I can send mail to myself?
You might have mail.
You need not worry about your future.
You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape.
You never have mail.
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
You now have Asian Flu.
You ought to take the bull between the legs.
You ought to take the bull between the teeth.
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
You say that now, but try chewing a child the next time you're car sick.
You say things with your eyes that others waste time putting into words.
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
You should go home.
You should hardly ever equivocate.
You should use contraceptives at every conceivable occasion.
You still need the last file you removed.
You used to be indecisive.  Now you're not sure.
You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize--posthumously.
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
You will be invited to dine with many important people.  Once.
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
You will be squirrely today.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
You will be told about it tomorrow.  Go home and prepare thyself.
You will be winged by an anti--aircraft battery.
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
You will die of terminal acne.
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
You will find what is not lost and enter where there are no doors.
You will forget that you ever knew me.
You will gain money by an illegal or immoral action.
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
You will have a long and boring life.
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
You will have many recoverable tape errors.
You will know happy motorcyclist by the bug stains on his teeth.
You will lose an important file.
You will never be younger then you are today..
You will not be elected to public office this year.
You will outgrow your usefulness.
You will outlive those who seek to destroy you.
You will pass away very quickly.
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
You will soon forget this.
You will soon meet a strangler who will become your fiend.
You will spend the rest of your life in the future.
You will survive the conflagration.
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.  You will wish you hadn't.
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
You'll be sorry.
You'll never get dizzy doing a good turn.
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
You're DIS-PICABLE!
You're my hero!
You're not drunk as long as you can hold onto the floor.
You're old when you forget how to start your rocking chair.
You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
Your aims are high, and you are incapable of much.
Your analyst has you confused with another patient.
Your boss is thinking about you.
Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please re-authorize.
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
Your disk will self--destruct in 5 seconds.
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
Your enemies are closing in.
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
Your logic was impeccable, Captain.  We are in grave danger.
Your mode of life will be changed to 0644.
Your mode of life will be changed to ASCII.
Your mode of life will be changed to EBCDIC.
Your most useful program will be continually improved until it is useless.
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Your own mileage may vary.
Your program is sick!  Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
Your project will be late.
Your resume will be used on the "Tonight Show" monologue.
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Your work is very poor, but at least it's slow.
Youth is not a time of life, it's a state of mind.
Zeus gave Leda the bird.
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:  Nobody notices when things go right.