NEW JOINT IN TOWN
             RUBY'S JOINT BBS - Home of the legendary Ruby
               Begonia, opens 2/20/93 at 1-305-856-4897

          Come one, come all, to the most exciting show on earth!
     (Ruby figures if it was good enough for P.T., it's good enough
     for her.)
          You are cordially invited to come on along and hoist a
     glass with Ruby and her pals at that infamous night spot, Kent's
     Place - the fictional Indianapolis bar which plays host to the
     myriad of writers from the RIME Writer's conference and other
     assorted misfits. Visit the saloon that boasts it sells more
     Staggering Highlander Scotch, (a brand Kent personally mixes
     up himself in the back room, using nothing more than a garden
     hose and an honest-to-God bottle of cheap scotch); dance, if
     you've a mind to, atop the bar with Ruby to the crankin' beat of
     Devil With a Blue Dress on. (Ignore the piteous moans from Kent
     that if he has to sand the bartop one more time, he will be able
     to serve only preschoolers, midgets and Orientals. Kent has a
     flair for the dramatic turn of phrase.) Pet the moosehead; shoot
     at the pteradactyl (three shots for a buck and a half - which is
     a heck of a lot more lively than darts or shuffleboard); or try,
     if you dare, to befriend Sam, the cat from hell. Get your own
     lifelong cat-scratch scar, so that the world will know you on
     sight as a regular Kent's Place patron.
          No stomach for the night life? Then visit the Ruby's Pearls
     conference, browse the library of Ruby's Pearls issues from
     first to latest, and contribute to the merriment by posting your
     literary gem for possible inclusion in a future issue.
          RUBY'S JOINT GRAND OPENING will be February 20, 1993, which
     also just happens to be Ruby's birthday. She will be 108 years
     old, (as you could plainly see if we brought the painting out of
     the attic.) We won't, though - we'll just dress Ruby up in her
     silver leather mini-skirt, sequined top and those spike heels
     with the goldfish globes that now contain pirranha, and let her
     do her thing atop the bar. It is a sight to make your eyes sore,
     trust us.
          Call 1-305-856-4897 beginning February 20, 1993, and all
     hours of the day and night thereafter. Ruby promises a free hot
     dog and a shot of Staggering Highlander to the first 100
     callers.