****	The Barber Shop Sketch						  ****
****	From Monty Python's Flying Circus				  ****
****	And "And Now for Something Completely Different"		  ****
****	Transcribed by Dave Bregman ( FAC1037@UOFT01.BITNET )		  ****
****	and edited by Malcolm Dickinson ( CLARINET@YALEVM.BITNET )	  ****
 
 
		     The Barbershop Sketch
 
Customer: Hello, is this the Barbershop Sketch?
Barber:   Y-y-yes sir.	B-b-b-be with you in a minute.
 
(The barber is now washing and re-washing his hands, trying to remove the
 obvious blood-stains from them and his coat.)
 
Barber:   H-h-how would you like it sir?
Customer: Just short back and sides.
Barber:   How do you do that?
Customer: Oh, you know, just short back and sides.
Barber:   It's not a.. a razor cut, RAZOR CUT BLOOD ARTERY MURDER SPUrt..arr...
Customer: No, just ordinary short back and sides, you know...
Barber:   It's just s-s-s-scissors then...
Customer: Yes.
Barber:   You wouldn't rather forget all about it?
Customer: What?
Barber:   You wouldn't prefer to have it just combed?
Customer: Oh, no.. I want something cut off!
Barber:   Cut, CUT HEART HITCHCOCK MURDER BLOOD PSYCHO HOMICIDE SPURT ARTERY
	  TREMOR CORTEX Arrrgg...!
 
(The barber fakes a few quick snips.)
 
Barber:   There, finished.
Customer: I beg your pardon?
Barber:   I've finished cutting, cutting, CUTTING, CUTTING YOUR HAIR!
Customer: Well, you haven't even done any cutting yet.
Barber:   All right, I confess I didn't cut your hair.	I hate hair.  I-I I
	  can't bear cutting it. I have this uncontrolable fear whenever I see
	  hair.  My mother said I was a fool!  She said the only way to
	  overcome my fear would be to become a barber.  I didn't want to be a
	  barber.
 
  I wanted to be... A *LUMBERJACK*!
  (music up)
 
****  Continued in LUMBERJK PYTHON  ****
 
****  end of file BARBER PYTHON 8/30/87  ****
