ALL ABOUT PARROTS They can be playful and affectionate one day, sullen and withdrawn the next. They fling their food when they eat and scatter toys thoughtlessly. Car keys and other bright objects attract their attention, and they've been known to pull glasses and dangling earings off guests. And that's not all. They can throw spectacular tantrums, and once they start screaming, its almost impossible to get them to stop. If you live with them, invest in s hand-held vacuum and keep paper towels handy. Did you guess toddlers? Think parrots instead, which can behave very much like a child in the "terrible two's." except for one big difference -- the birds never outgrow that stage. Perhaps that's part of their charm and one of the reasons why these pets grow more popular by the day. And yet one of the reasons people are drawn to these colorful critters is that they think they're easier to care for then a dog or cat -- and that's not really true. Without proper care, good food and constant attention, parrots can easily become sick which is why so few pet parrots will ever see even the low end of their normal lifespan --30 years to 70 years. If you're thinking of laying out hundreds of dollars for a set-up and bird, ask yourself some questions first. * Do you have time to spend with your pet? Birds are social animals and may become physically or mentally ill if left alone too much, such as when the owner works all day. * If you must leave the bird for long periods of time, would you consider keeping a pair of birds to keep each other company, even though that will double your set-up expense and the time you must dedicate to care? * Can you find someone to take care of your bird -- not just feed it, but spend time with it -- when you go on business trips or vacations? * Are you a neatnik who can't tolerate mess or destruction? Parrots create dust and seem to take pleasure in flinging food and feathers. And since parrots relieve themselves when the need arises, droppings go to everywhere your parrot does, ending up on your shoulder, on the kitchen counter, on the tops of the curtains -- in short, everywhere. A parrot can also turn molding into splinters in minutes, and can be just as efficient in destroying any other household item that strikes its fancy. * Will you have time to ensure your pet gets a proper diet? It's not just a matter of dumping seed in a dish. Parrots need a variety of fresh food to stay healthy, including such items as fruits and vegetables and even pasta. * Are you prepared to keep the cage clean Some parrots need to have droppings removed daily to keep harmful mold from forming. At the very least, you should be prepared to scrub and disinfect every bit of your parrot's enviroment -- cages, perches, toys and dishes -- weekly. * If the trouble and the cost don't put you off, then you're definitely parrot material. If they do. there are still birds that might suit your household. Think small. Finches, canaries and parakeets make wonderful pets and are nowhere near as demanding or costly as a parrot. * Stonehenge BBS [415] 479-8328