366 Thanx for calling Mystic Silence is evidence of superb language skills !edis gnorw eht morf siht ta gnikool era uoY "640K is enough for anybody." Bill Gates,1981 "Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Issac Newton. "At last I'm organized", he sighed, and died. "Beam me aboard, Scotty!" "A 2 x 4, Captain?" "Better" is the death knell for "good enough" " Don't worry, I'm fluent in wierdo" "Dyslexic Christian sells soul to Santa" ...News at 11 "Eating Radium has strange results," Tom said brightly. "Good enough" is the death knell of progress." " I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates "I hate Victor Hugo," said Les, miserably. "I think not," said Descartes - and promptly disappeared "I'll be Bach." - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger "I've dropped my toothpaste", he said crestfallen. "If the shoe fits, buy it." - Imelda Marcos "It" has fallen, and "it" won't get up. "Junior, quit playing with your floppy!" "Let Us Open Our Checkbooks and Pray..." "Look at all the Indians!" - General Custer "Most who favor abortion have already been born!" "Never try to outstubborn a cat" - "She's so fat that when she sings, it's over." "The abstract means nothing to me!" Rorschach "Tourist Season" : When it's OK to shoot them. "What is it Spock!"......."H*ll if I know!" 'Schizophrenic?' No, we prefer the word 'Imaginative' (A)bort (R)etry (V)alium ********* <<< Expletive Deleted >>> ********* *FLASH* Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. *NO* hard drive has enough space! *WARNING* Message explodes when deleted! - A RAM is a terrible thing to waste. ...and all the children are above average ...and that is how we know the Earth is banana-shaped ...MODEM....a deterrent to phone solicitors. 1024x768x256.... Sounds like one MEAN woman. 186,000 miles per second. Not just a good idea. Its law! 486: "When I grow up, I wanna be a CRAY" 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. 92 þ America has the wealthiest poor in the world. bort, etry, mack the friggin' thing... >((((((YOU))))((((ARE))))((((FEELING))))((((SLEEPY))))))< ?pu gnikcab yb naem uoy tahw siht sI [sigh] Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be ... ________ÚÚÚ_¢.•_¿¿¿________ A bad excuse is better than no excuse. A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed. A bird in the hand is better than a bird overhead. A black hole is when the gods divide by zero... A coin. Good. I will replicate one immediately. - Data A cynic smells the flowers and then looks for the casket. A day without sunshine is just like nighttime. A dog is a dog, but a cat is a purrrrson. A feature is a bug with seniority. A fool and his money is my kind of customer! A girl can be poor at history, but great on dates! A hangover: the wrath of grapes þ A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart. A husband's home is the wife's castle A lecture on time travel will be held yesterday. A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy. A Racetrack is where windows clean people. A recession is what takes the wind out of your sales. A vivid and creative mind characterizes you. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. Acid test? You're soaking in it... Add DEVICE=EXXON to your CONFIG.SYS. Mess up environment. Aerobics: Converting software to firmware Alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping Alimony: the price for name-dropping All male Great Dane's should wear underwear! All stressed out, and no one to choke ... All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Always forgive your enemies. THEY HATE THAT! Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. Alzheimer's is very...ah...uh.....uh.....um An elephant is a mouse built to government specs. An idea isn't responsible for people who believe in it. Anal retentive people don't give a crap And God said, "I'll buy a vowel." And God said, "Let There BE Lips", and there were...... And God said: E = «mvý - Zeý/r, and there was light! And then Adam said, "What's a headache?" And when didn't you start contradicting people? Any fool can criticize, and most do. (Carnegie) Any given program, once running, is obsolete. Apathy error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. Are Cheerios really donut seeds? Are orgasms possible in a frictionless universe? Artificial Intelligence: Another guys opinion... As I said before, I never repeat myself. As soon as you realize I'm God, we'll get along Aunt Em: Hate Kansas. Hate you. Took dog. -Dorothy Backup not found. (A)bort (R)etry (V)alium Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic Bad command or filename. Go stand in the corner! Be a responsible vegetarian: neuter your plants. Be alert, the world needs more lerts Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room. Beauty is only skin deep, but blond goes to the root! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. . . BEER - It's not just for breakfast anymore. BEER ... It's not just for Breakfast anymore! Behind every great man is an amazed mother-in-law. Best way to be useful - stay out of the way. Beware of dirty hypodeemic nerdles. Beware of geeks bearing .GIF's Big or small We tax them all. Bigamy: Too many wives. Monogamy: Same thing. Bird owners have a cheep on their shoulder! Bisexuality doubles your chances for a date. Black clothes: Idea tool for removing cat hair from furn. Blind prostitutes: You've really got to hand it to them! Bones? Dr.Crusher? Chiropractic in the Federation. Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding. Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore... Buddhist ordering pizza: "Make me one with everything." Bugs are Sons of Glitches! Burn the flag, but tie yourself to it first. Bush and Quail: The Skipper and Gilligan Buy stealth condoms! She'll never see you coming! Calif Raisins Murdered: Cereal Killer Suspected Can anyone tell me where in the manual "RTFM" is defined? Can E-Mail be grounds for Divorce ??? Can I leave now? My brain is full. Can you open your mind without it falling out? Capitalism I love it! Care for some cheese with that whine? Careful! My laser printer is set to "STUN." Cat#*&hair'`*^~in}{keyboard:<~#)_+| #~ CHECK-MATE:Final exam at Master & Johnson Clinic Chicken Little only has to be right once. Children are curly, dimpled lunatics. Chlorine, the breakfast of champions Chocolate is a zit's best friend. Click/click..Click/click..Damn, Out of wisecracks! Clones are people two. Close only counts in horseshoes and nuclear warfare. Cogito ergo spud. I think, therfore I yam. COLDBEER.CAN not found, USER not loaded. Color is only a pigment of your imagination. Columbus had a fourth ship--it sailed over the edge. Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows 3.1 and OS/2 Common sense is that which tells us the world is flat. Common sense, unfortunately, isn't! Computers all WAIT at the same Speed! Constants aren't. Variables don't. Daddy, what does this little red butt&Î᳨ NO CARRIER Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of Vice Presidents. DANGER! DANGER! Computer Book Store Ahead, Hide Wallet. David Duke for Javelin catcher. Death is nature's way of relieving stress. del *.com (heh, heh) Despite the cost of living, it remains popular. Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Diplomacy is saying "nice dog" til you find a rock Disk Space: The final frontier. Do cartoon characters have free will? Do files get embarrased when they are unzipped? Do molecular biologists wear designer genes? Do you think Jimi Hendrix's modem was a Purple Hayes? DOC's??? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with? Does "Bad FAT" mean disk has a high cholesterol level? Does the Existential Vacuum come with attachments? Does the name PAVLOV ring a bell ??? Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. Don't be sexist. Broads hate that. Don't blame me. I voted for Snoopy and Pogo! Don't horse around with a stable environment! Don't know what apathy is and don't care. Don't pick up that phonš9“œ NO CARRIER Don't sweat petty things, or pet sweaty things. DOS never says: "Excellent command or filename." Why? DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... Double your drive space! Delete Windows! Drink till she's cute. Stop before you get married. Dust: A protective coating for furniture. DYNAMITE.COM found. Explode computer? (Y/N) Dyslexics Of The World: Untie! Eagles may FLY, but weasels don't get sucked into jets! Eagles soar, but weasles dont get sucked into jet engines Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ... Engaging in faxual contact?... Use cover sheets. Enquiring minds couldn't care less! Entropy isn't what it used to be. Eschew Obfuscation ESTO error: Equipment Smarter Than Operator Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Everyone hate me because I'm paranoid. Expert: Someone from out of town. With a modem. Fact: Fourteen out of every ten people love chocolate. Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. Fax me no questions and I'll fax you no lies. FDA recalls Preparation H. Contaminated with Super Glue! File Not Found. Smack USER and retry. First pull up - Then pull down. First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin! For real sponge cake, borrow all ingredients. For the millionth time; Don't Exaggerate! Forget patience! I'm gonna kill something... Format all 10? Only 3 disk fit in the slot! Free radical - an extremist who has escaped from jail. Friends don't let friends use Xmodem... Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate! Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art. Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL dead! Genitalia is NOT an Italian airline. George Bush: 'A New World Odor!' Get your backup. Don't get your backup. Make up your mind! Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler. Go soak your head, puny human. God loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass. Gorgeous George Wins By Using The Dreaded Num Lock... Grow your own dope!!--------->(plant a politician) Growing up is optional; growing old isn't. Guns don't kill people..Mail readers kill people Guns don't kill people; it's these little hard things. Hand me that solar-powered flashlight. Happiness is a mounted STACVOL! Have the Courage For an Assault on What You Believe! Have you hugged your hard drive today? Hawaii is as American as apple poi. He who throws mud loses ground. Help stamp out and eliminate redundancy! Help! I've formatted and I can't boot up! Hey! Moon me one more time and I'm getting a new mirror! Hi, I'm a virus. Add me to your .sig file. hmm, Wonder if that Gorilla's dead or just sleepin... HOLY SH*T, BATMAN! I mean.... Hot water heater? Hot water needs heating? How could I be out of money? I still have checks. How did Ed McMahon get my home address? Huh, Where am I? And why am I in this HANDBASKET??? I [] My Cat. I [] My Dog. (Would you [] my ex-wife ?) I almost saw Elvis one night, but my shovel broke. I am in total control, (just don't tell my wife). I AM NOT schizophrenic. Me neither. I am very self-confident. Aren't I? I baked the Pillsbury doughboy--that little creep. I believe in free will - I have no choice! I believe we can fly on the wings we create I belong to the order of the Sleepless Knights... I breathe - - therefore, I shop. I call things as I see them OR I make them up--go figure. I can't seem to find time to procrastinate ... I cannot make you love; you cannot make me hate. I continue to miss my ex-wife. But my aim WILL improve! I didn't wake up grouchy... I let her sleep. I don't like violence, but I'm very good at it. I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory. I had a life once. Now I have a computer with Prodigy. I had a run in with a cop. Boy, am I beat! I had some morals, luckily, I got my money back I have a speech impediment . . . my foot. I have dynamic memory--it needs refreshing often. I have not yet begun to byte! I have the right to my thoughts about your beliefs. . . I haven't lost my mind, its backed up on disk I keep my *.BAT files in C:\BELFRY I knew I shoulda taken that left at Albuquerque I left my tart in Aunt Fran's Crisco. I may look stupid, but I'm smart enough to know it! I never met a chocolate I didn't like. I NEVER tell lies. :-------------------) I parked my hard disk... now I can't find it I parked my harddisk - and got a ticket! I pine fir yew, and balsam. I think I think, therefore I might be. I think, therefore I am confused. I think, therefore I am... I think. I think, therefore, I better get back to work. I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken. I to±d yo±, "Never±touch ±he flo±py di±k su±face!" I tried OS/2 once, but I didn't inhale. I use moderation - in moderation! I use Windows...on my car, on my house, on my... I used to be indecisive...now I'm not sure... I was an only child. Eventually. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. I was walking in someone else's sleep last night... I'd go on welfare, but I'm not used to living that well! I'd rather be on a continuing mission. I'm coming Dear, I only have 437 more messages to read! I'm from the lollypop. . .It's a good ship. I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it? I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - someday. I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me. I'm not a Republican, I'm an Anti-Democrat! I'm not a slob. I'm organizationally challenged. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I'm not paranoid, I've just got enhanced consciousness. I'm not really lost, just locationally challenged. I'm outta sick days; I think I'll call in dead. I'm parked diagonally in a parrallel universe. I'm taking you off everything except food for thought! I'm user friendly, I don't byte -- I nybble. I've had fun before. This isn't it. Idealism precedes experience - cynicism follows... Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you. If at first you don't succeed, change the rules. If at first you don't succeed, del *.* and forget it! If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success! If at first you don't succeed, DON'T try skydiving! If at first you don't succeed, try a hammer... If BS were white, Texas would pass out skis! If everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane If Evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve If I knew where I was going, I'd take a shortcut. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? If it moves so SLOW, why is it called Rush Hour? If love is blind, why is Lingerie so popular?? If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help If the door is Baroque, jiggle the Handel! If this were an actual wisecrack, it would be funny. If you can't say anything nice then say something nasty. If you had it all where would you put it? If you live long enough, it WILL kill you... If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast..... If you're looking for me, I just left. Ignorance or Apathy? I don't know, and I don't care! Igor:"We have enough scientists; we need more hunchbacks. Illiterate?... Write for FREE help. Imprisoned in .QWK file! Send the ZIP army! In a nuclear war, all are cremated equally. In the next world, you're on your own. Incorrigible punster--please don't incorrige him. Infinity: One lawyer waiting for another. Inflation means the Buck does not stop here... Insomnia? Well, don't lose any sleep over it. Instant gratification takes too long. Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up? Iraqi rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped once. Is it true that chicken soup will kill a virus? It was a stirring sight, those gypsys in the palace! It was so quiet that you could hear a pun drop. It's a Dog-Eat-Dog World & I'm wearing Milk-Bone Shorts! It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it. It's always darkest just before you step on the cat. It's not over til the FAT Table sings. It's Time For NATIONAL REFERENDUMS Instead of Politicians It't time to clean the House; the Senate too! Junk--Stuff we throw away. Stuff--Junk we keep. Lawyers are Politicians in the larval stage. Lawyers do it in their briefs. Lead me not into temptation, I can find my own way Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. Let Us Open Our Checkbooks and Pray. (J. Swaggart) Life is like an orange. Or was it like a fountain? Lipogenesis - references to fat in the bible. Macintosh-PC With Training Wheels You Can't Remove Madness takes its toll. Be sure to have exact change. Make friends with sysops: page at 3 a.m. Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler. Make Love, Not War; Get Married & Do BOTH! Man often abolishes God;forturnately God is more tolerant Mary had a little lamb. She hasn't been the same since.