If all else fails, KICK the damned thing!  I love happy faces! Don't you?   Laughing morons from the planet Zerox    {COMMO} {COMMO} COM doobie do down down   ...................... Group Photo  OH NO, a worm in my Hard-drive!  Dogs,  Cats,  Criminals.  This side up  <|-) User is Chinese. ! Not on your life ! !!!ereh fo tuo em teG !!!pleH !!!SMILE!!! GOT IT!!!.. !edis gnorw eht morf siht ta gnikool era uoY !enif tsuj si gnihtyrevE !enilgaT siht edisni deppart m'I !pleH !evitcudorp tsom eht syawla si etunim tsaL !knat a yub -- ylevisnefed evirD !tseb yrev eht dnes ot tnaw uoy nehw..kcocnaH nhoJ " " - Lao Tzu " Every little BYTE helps " " If All Fails, READ THE DOCS ! " " Just as well, too" said Mother. "...or worse, not to have a mind" -Dan Quayle "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 "90% of this game is half mental" - Yogi Berra "A Barefoot Dancer On Broken Glass" "A book, a friend, a song, a glass, a chaste loving lass" "A broken clock keeps better time than you!" (Tegan) "A friend, as it were, a second self" - Cicero "A lie is terminological inexactitude." Churchill "A man's a man for a' that!" Burns "A newspaper is a collection of half-injustices" "A phaser is the universal communicator." "A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck." Garfield "A Robin redbreast in a cage puts all heaven in a rage." "A screaming comes across the sky..." "A war put off is not a war avoided." -- C. Heston "Accuracy is in the eye of the beholder!" HFC }] "Alaskan Visuals" by A. Roaring Boring Alice "All clowns are masked, all personae flow from choices" "All humans things are subject to decay." "All life's answers are on TV" -Homer Simpson "And a 1000 Slimy Things lived on. And so did I" "And God said, Let there be light: and there was light." "And his wife was named Incontinentia Buttocks"-M. Python "and Our product is SQL 'ready'", Borland International. "and the continuing saga of the sticky heads" "And what I do ain't pretty!" - Wolverine "And when fate summons monarchs must obey;" "Anybody hear any good jokes lately?" -- Pee Wee Herman "Anyone see a war around here?" Patton or Bill Gates "Apple I" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "Are you hurt?" "Dunno. I'm a doctor, not a lawyer." "Are you saying we should tax... Thingy?" "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?" "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" "At last I'm organized", he sighed, and died. "Bad knee, gotta run" - Pat Buchanan to his draft board "Beam me aboard Scotty!" <-> "Will a 2 X 4 do Captain?" "Better know nothing than half-know many things." "Beulah, peel me a grape." "Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers "Bones, it's Ensign FullaPb." "He's lead, Jim!" "Build a watch in 179 easy steps" by C. Forsberg. "But once you are real, you can't become unreal again." "But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer, Gie her a haggis!" "By the way, what does BTW mean?" "C'mon Spock. Pull my finger!" * Kirk "C++" should have been called "D". "Call it a hunch." -- Quasimodo "Call waiting", great if you have two friends "COINCIDENCE" happens. "Conclusion": the place where you got tired of thinking "Cover me, I'm going in..." "Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?" "Do you have any Grey Poupon?" - "Uh, grey poop on what?" "Dok-tor - oowoo oowoo" "Don't blame me. I voted for Bill and Opus!" "Don't use our trashcan, it's only for apples!" "Don't worry, I'm fluent in wierdo" "Dyslexic Christian sells soul to Santa" ...News at 11 "Earth was not earth before her sons appeared." "Easy to use" is easy to say "Eat any good books lately?"- Q in Star Trek NG "Eat Gaseous Worms" - Russian anarchist chant, 17MAR92 "Eat more fruit" said Tom, with aplomb. "Ended up in a cemetary of a thousand wasted days..." "Ensign Pillsbury? He's BREAD, Jim!" "Every why hath a wherefore." "Every woman should marry -- and no man." Disraeli "Everyone lives by selling something." - R.L. Stevenson "Everything's got a moral if only you can find it." "Facts are stubborn things" - T. Smollett "Facts are stupid things" - R. Reagan "Fascinating, Captain!" - Spock "First shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin" "Fix it! You've got FIVE MINUTES, Scotty!" "Floggings will continue until morale improves!" "Florence of Arabia" -- feminist camelmanship "Forgotten men at the bottom of the economic pyramid" FDR "Fountains mingle with the river, rivers with the ocean." "Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give a Damn" "French Fries are MURDER!!!!" - Mr. Potato Head "Garlic roll, Barnabas?" "Garlic? Aieeeee!!" "God said, "Let Newton be!" and all was light." Pope "Gravity sucks!" - Issac Newton, rubbing his head. "Ground Beef" -- A Cow With No Legs! "gull.. gullet.. gully.... Hey! It's true!" "Hard DISK? Damn, I misread the advertisement." Old Maid "He created OLD fossils!" "Yeah, riiiigghht!" "He's dead Jim." "he's just a girly-man programmer" "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned." Congreve "Help! I've fallen and can't get up." A. Tree "Here Bunny, Bunny, Bunny..." "Hex Dump" - Where Witches put used Curses? "Hi, my Goldfish looks just like yours!" "Hobbes did it , Mom!" "How can you be so deaf with those huge ears?" "How to Budget Your Money" by I.R.S. "How wise are they that are but fools in love!" Cooke "Hump?, what hump?" "I am a doughnut." --John F. Kennedy "I am serious. And stop calling me Shirley!" "I assume" makes an ass out of u and me "I can't belive I ate the whole thing" - Circa 1973 "I can't use contractions." - Data "I Don't THINK so" {BAP} - Homey the Clown "I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates "I hate quotations!" - Ralph Waldo Emerson "I hate Victor Hugo", said Les miserably. "I hates that crazy varmint!!!" Y. Sam "I have no opinion on the Miss Ark contest." - B Clinton "I just ate a fishing lure," said Tom with baited breath "I need a home run hitter" he said ruthlessly. "I said a BUD LIGHT." - J. d'Arc "I see", said the blind man to the deaf man on the phone. "I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul." "I think not," said Descartes; and promptly disappeared. "I was pretty subdued when we started." "I wonder what this button does...." "I write the songs that make the whole world...AARGH!" "I'd buy that for a dollar!" "I'd tax all foriegners living abroad." "I'll be Bach." - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger "I'll have the dark bread," said Tom wryly. "I'm Having A Ball Doing Nothing At All" "I'm looking for Mr. Dover, first name Ben.." "I'm Sick & Tired of being Sick & Tired!" "I'm so bored, I'm starting to miss my husband." "I'm standing! And I can't fall down!" "I'm the best there is at what I do..." "I'm the pro-business candidate" - Bill Clinton "I've lost my flower," said Tom lackadaisically. "I've said more than I know already." --Daniel Moynihan "I've struck oil!" Tom gushed. "If it works, don't mess with it" school graduate "If the shoe fits, buy it." - Imelda Marcos "If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates "If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster..." "Illiterate? ... Write for FREE help." "Impossible! That is not good French." N.B. "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye..." "In the end, gravity wins.", Dolly Parton. "Is it too loud out there?" Jimi at Berkley "Is this the real life?" --Freddie Mercury, 11/24/92 "Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb. "It's not IF you hard drive crashes but WHEN!" "Junior, quit playing with your floppy!" "La Quinta" is Spanish for "Next to Denny's" "LET ACCURACY TRIUMPH OVER VICTORY" "Let me be the judge of that!" - Clarence Thomas "Let's win this one and go home." - George A. Custer "Lets visit the tomb," said Tom cryptically. "Life has a great deal up its sleeve." "Life without LOVE is no life at all!" "Logic is logic. That's all I say." Holmes "Look at all the Indians!" - General Custer "Look at those newborn kittens," said Tom literally. "Love -- a grave mental disease." Plato "Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies." "Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke" - Obi Wan Gates "Macros will do that to you deary....." "Man is a piece of the universe made alive." Emerson "Man's the bad child of the universe." Oppenheim "Man, born of woman is of few days; full of trouble." Job "May you live all the days of your life." Swift "Maytag" is my middle name; I'm an agitator. "Men die and worms eat them - but not for love" Shake "Men know life too early, women too late" Wilde "Men, in general, are but great great children" Napoleon "MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs) "Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!" - Bart Simpson "Modesty died when false modesty was born." Mark Twain "Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition" --Intel "My favorite color? Red. No, BluAAAAAHHH!" "My other car is my feet" - Al Bundy "My stereo's half fixed," said Tom monotonously. "NO KILL I" - HORTA "No man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.". GBS "No, I didn't." - Teddy Kennedy "Not a problem."--Parker Lewis "Number One, buy me a pontiac!" "Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk" - Curly Howard "Of course you realize, THIS MEANS WAR" -- B Bunny. "Oh captain! my captain! our fearful trip is done." WW "Oh could I fly, I'd fly with thee ..." "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.." "One FAT Ferengi has just entered..." Worf "Oops." -- Richard Nixon "Our first and last love is -- self-love." Bovee "Paid off"? What does that mean? "Parser? Parsnip? -- What's the difference?" W. Erickson "Peace sells, but who's buying?" Megadeth "People fear *most* what they understand *least*" "Please return stewardess to original upright position" "Positive thinking" ... leads to miscalculation. "Put knot yore trussed in spel chequers!" "put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire!" "Que es mi barco mi tesoro, que es mi Dios la libertad" "Question and die", sayeth the CZAR!!!! "Quick and Dirty Program" is only half right. "Quiet"...is an impossibility these days... "Quit staring at this ... and I mean NOW!" "Quoth the raven, 'Eat My Shorts'" - Bart S. "Radioactivity -- it's in the air for you and me" "Really honey....just 1 more message." "Round up the usual suspects!" "Said the fly, "Let us flee." Said the flea "Let us fly." "Severe Memory Limitations" "Shake off your heavy trance! And leap into a dance." "She's a witch! Burn her!" "She's ready Jim; Lock and Load!" "She's so fat that when she sings, it's over." "Ships ahoy!" yelled Tom fleetingly. "Sir, Deck Fourteen reports that the toilet's blocked." "Sleazegate - The First Name in Disc Drives" "Socialism and Nazism is the same." - Adolf Hitler "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" - Freud "Sometimes you just have to say 'What the heck'" "Spock, I thought you were dead!" "I rebooted, Captain." "Stamp out software hoarding"--Free Software Foundation "State Of The Art" is technospeak for "unproven". "Stupid" is a boundless concept. "Suicide Hotline...please hold." "Superfluity does not vitiate" "Taco Bell" is NOT the Mexican phone company! "Take me down to Paradise City" A. Rose "Take my Worf......please"-Data "Tell me, is this Heaven?" "No, it's Iowa." "That makes 144," said Tom grossly. "The abstract means nothing to me!" Rorschach. "The best you get is an even break." FPA "The dummy is the one who doesn't ask questions." acp "The faster you go, the shorter you are" - Einstein "The first sigh of love is the last of wisdom." Bret "The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept." Shake "The maid has the night off," said Tom helplessly. "The Meek Don't Want It" "The only victory over love is flight." Napoleon "The other only thing I changed was ..." "The pen really is mightier than the sword!" "The Sky is Falling!" - Weekly World News 8/1/91 "The welfare of the people is the chief law." Cicero "There are no grudges on the Edge. Only obligations." "These are not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant" "They also serve who only stand and wait." "This meat is hard to chew," Tom beefed jerkily. "This sentence no verb." - Douglas R. Hofstader "To enjoy art is a sign of intelligence."...acp "To err is human, to forgive....$5.00" "To live long, it is necessary to live slowly." Cicero "To love her was a liberal education." Steele "Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore..." "Trust me, I'm a consultant." "Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" -Yoda- "We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him" Napoleon "We're Going North Like Hell" "We're gonna find 'em, then we're gonna kill 'em." CJCS "What do you mean you formatted the cat?" "What is a lie but the truth in masquerade." Byron "What is your favorite color?" "Blue - no - yel" "What we have here, is a failure to communicate!" "What's 'e matter w' that thing?" - Scotty "Whata maroon!" --- Bugs Bunny "Where Am I?" "Where does he get all those marvelous toys?" - Bush "Where Johnston County comes to play!" "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." "Who is he? Doctor Who?" (Ian -- An Unearthly Child) "With our judgements as our watches, none go just alike." "Woman must be a genius to create a good husband." Balzac "Women and elephants never forget." Parker "Yes dear, one more star WILL fit on that collar "Yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation" - DRH "You can't close the door when the wall's caved in." "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "You picked...wisely" "You shouldn't have anymore problems..." "You spotted snakes with double tongue... be not seen." "You're good, kid, but as long as I'm around..." #1 in the don't bother catagory. #1 INGREDIENT OF PICKLED BREAD: DILL-DOUGH!!!! #define flame_retardant I know you are, but what am I? $$$ not found -- A)bort, R)efinance, Declare bankruptcy $$$$$$$$ Money is the root of all wealth $$$$$$$$ $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb Looks: FREE 'C' What? 'Cause It's A Mystery! 'Cause that's the way the computer crumbles. 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser 'Personal hygene is the key to success'- W. Nels 'til you come back to me, that's what I'm gonna do... 'Tis the season to be punny...... 'Tis the thrifty man who spends the most. (((((This message in Stereo where available))))) (((((YOU)))))((((ARE))))(((((FEELING)))))(((((SLEEPY))))) (1) Ignore (2) Retry (3) Abort (4) MeltDown (1)Your brain on WIN. (0)Your brain on OS/2. (A)bort (R)etry (S)mack the frigging thing! (A)bort (F)ail (T)oss computer across room (A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (A)bort (R)etry (P)retend it didn't happen (A)bort (R)etry (S)ue (A)bort (R)etry (W)hatever (A)bort, (I)gnore, (R)etry, (S)elfDestruct 30 SECONDS (A)bort, (R)epent, (I)gnorant? (A)bort, (R)etry, (B)arf up a lung. (A)bort, (R)etry, (D)on't even think of it! (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)o fix the coffee (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)rab_Hammer (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (K)ick system? (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (N)uke It! (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h Poop..... (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (S)orry I Asked! (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ell it (A)bort, (R)etry, or (I)nfluence with a large hammer (Beeeep) Syntax Error! - My reality check just cleared. (c) 1991 by the Great-Compu-Guru Society (tm) (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza (expletive deleted) -R. Nixon (huskily) Oh, yes! Scan me NOW! ޺۳ݳݳ (Oh no, (I'm nesting (parentheses) again...) help!) (Takeoffs = Landings) ? -- Win () Lose () (W)indows,(I)cons,(M)ice,(P)ointers,(S)heesh! (U) What are you lookin' at?? *** primum non nocere *** **** Nothing Follows **** **FLASH** Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery *I* didn't do it, the *computer* did it! *NOW* is a point in time that is already gone. *REAL* men use EDLIN to create Windows apps... - This space for Rent - - this space intentionally left blank - - Time is forever -- a diamond is only temporary - - Today is cancelled due to lack of interest! - -*-*-*-*-*-*-* Tribble Kabob. --- There's ALWAYS one more bug! --- --- A naked man fears no pickpocket --- ---- Who do you call to exorcise software ?? ---- ------------ Out of Order ------------- ---===<<< SPACE FOR RENT >>>===--- -=( Revolt against awkward/ugly software. )=- -=( Shareware...Give...Receive... )=- .aixelsyd evah t'nod I ,aN .AST: NOT "those other three letters"!!!. .dnats t'nac I krow eht s'tI...boj ym evol I .IFF I said you had a beautiful graphic, would you... .nataS morf egassem deksam-drawkcab a si sihT .snoitatimi roinuJ HJ paehc fo eraweB .srewsna hguone ton ,strepxe ynam ooT .suoinegni oot era slooF .foorploof si gnihtoN .teNyaleR evah I won ;efil a evah ot desu I .The PS/2 Mod 50 was designed on a Monday. .wal-ni-rehtom dezama na si nam taerg yreve dniheB /* allez-vous? */ /^\/^\/^\__/^\/^\/^\ Camel in a valley, walking north. 0x2B || !0x2B -Hamlet 1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator. 1 + 2 = 3; Therefore, 4 + 5 = 6. 1 = 2, for sufficiently large values of 1. 1 Gig is 1,073,741,824 bytes - NOT 1,000,000,000! 1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation 1-Hour explain may yield 30-Seconds info. 1/2 of the patients who go to an abortion clinic die. 1/2 the people at Woodstock were from the future! 101 ways to nuke your neighbor! 113 grams, 10 milliliters ... he's lead, Jim. 1701 Hard Disk Failure 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. 1912 - U.S. Income tax enacted to tax wealthiest 5%. 1960 + (RND * 40) = THE Year of UNIX 1991 - The Year of the Palindrome 1st Law of Thermodynamics: Go to class!! 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 2 cats are a circus, 3 are a coup, 6 are a revolution 2 wrongs don't make a right - but 3 lefts do! 2(C) or !2(C) 2+2=3.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 2+2=4 (for the time being). 2+2=5... It HAS to, the computer says so. 20 years experience.... or 1 year repeated? 21.3v xileT fo resu deifsitaS 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, Hmmm..... 286SX = Any 286 running Windows. 2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro. 3 dreaded words when making love: Is that it? 3 dreaded words: hard disk failure 3 most deadly words, "Go ahead..shoot" 3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population. 3 things occur when you age.. 1) memory goes 2) uh.. um.. 30,000 Elvises can't be wrong 3000 (patting myself on the back): 3Wizard in a strange WAN 43% of all statistics are totally worthless !!! 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr... 4am? Already? Oh no not again!! 4Sale, braille dictionary like new, must see 2 appreciate 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions. 5 schizophrenics agree! 50 States and I HAD to pick this one! 586, 32MB 40ns RAM, 4GB 2ms HD, now Windows will beat DOS 5" floppy is not better than 3" hard. 6 x 9 = 42 base 13 640k = 4480k in dog bytes... 667: Satan's neighbor... 7 11, if you're not robbin us, we're robbin you 77.43% of all statistics are made up. 8 of 10 Americans suffer from hemorrhoids. 2 enjoy them! 8 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo! 89.6% of all statistics are wrong. 9 out of 10 LAPD endorse the use of the CLUB! - R. King 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. 90% of politicians give the other 10% a bad reputation. 911: Press 1 if robbery. Press 2 if house on fire. Press 3.. 98% of all constipated people don't give a crap. 98% of all dead owls don't give a hoot! 98% of all statistics are useless. :-* User just ate something sour. <- "TWIT" button. Push it and ZAMMO!! <------------- Space for SALE! ------------> key?? Where did they stick THAT one??????? to read the next message Exit Talk to me HAL !! nferior, ut arketable Is this thing on? ============ Who said that? ================ >G< -------- a GRIN that got away..... ? troffeeriuqertahtsenilgatetahuoytnod ?lamron eb yhw ?senilgat doog yna wonk enoynA A "PROGRAM" is used to turn data into error messages. A $500 CPU will protect a $10 surge protector A .45 beats a royal flush EVERY TIME A bachelor enjoys the chase but doesn't eat the game. A bad workman always blames his fools A BANDAID!? Damn it Jim,I'm a doctor,not a-oh, never mind A Barfing Bush is worth a Quail in the woods! A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory A beard signifies lice, not brains. A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed. A big enough hammer fixes anything A bigot will not reason, a fool cannot, a slave dare not. A bird in the bush can't make a mess in your hand. A bird in the bush is better than one just overhead. A bird in the hand can be messy. A bird in the hand is a big mistake. A bird in the hand is better than one overhead! A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose. A Bird in the hand will doo doo on you. A book is the only immortality. A Buddist nudist practices yoga bare. A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual. A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept. A camel is a horse planned by committee. A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes. A cat a day will keep the Salmon away!! A cat will be man's best friend but never stoops to it. A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs. A child prodigy knows not to bother with it. A chimpanzee and two trainees could run her. * Scotty A classic is a book that is praised but not read A clean disk is the sign of a sick computer A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind. A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory. A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory. A closed mind gathers no intelligence A closed mouth gathers no feet. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A code in my node? I must be a programmer A committe: a life form with 6 or more legs and no brain A computer a day..... A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking. A contradiction in terms: User, Friendly A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet. A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned. A cult that places dogma above fact becomes a religion. A custom more honored in the breach than the observance. A cynic smells the flowers and then looks for the casket A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it? A day not wasted is a day wasted! A day without radiation is a day without sunshine. A day without sunshine is like night. a deluge of words and drop of sense. A desk is a wastebasket with drawers. A desktop Cray for $10? Is it PC compatible? A die-hard Kingston Trio fan A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. A dirty book is rarely dusty. A Dirty Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste A dog is a dog, a bird is a bird, but a cat is a p A dog is a dog. Unless it's facing you, then it's Mr. Dog A drawing pin is an excited Smartie A farmer is always going to be rich next year. A fate worse than death........being married alive. A fate worse than death: To be married alive. A father doesn't destroy his children. A father is usually a banker provided by nature. A feather is Erotic, A whole chicken is KINKY! A feature is a bug with seniority. A few cans short of a six pack, Six short. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. A few more questions Mr. Computer. Moriarity. A fool and his money are my best friends! A fool and his money are soon partying! A fool and his money are soon popular. A fool and his money is my kind of customer! A fool and his money rarely get together to start with. A fool must now and then be right by chance. A fool searches for a greater fool to find admiration. A Friend in Need is a pain in the .....Loow Back A friend in need is a pain in the neck. A friend in need is a pest indeed. A Friend in Need is indeed a pain in the neck. A gentleman can disagree without being disagreeable. A girl a day keeps the wife away. A gleekzorp is like a tornpee (sort of). A goal, is a dream with a deadline! A god cannot survive as a memory. A good dog barks when told. A GOOD friend KEEPS the surplus zucchini!! A good memory does not equal pale ink. A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial. A good organizer is one who is careful to plan ahe A good pun is its own reword. A good rooster crows in any hen house. A good scare is better than good advice. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit. A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. A great many family trees were started by grafting. A gun gives you the body, not the bird. A gun is like a parachute. When you need it you NEED it! A half moon is better than no moon at all. A hangover the wrath of grapes A hangover the wrath of grapes A hard disk is a terrible thing to waste. A harp is a nude piano. A hen is an egg's way of making another egg. A hen tomorrow is more valuable than an egg today. A hen who lays an egg cackles as if it was an asteroid. A hole is nothing, but you can break your neck in it. A hollow voice says "PLUGH." A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. A husband is a bachelor whose luck finally failed... A husband is a lover who has pushed his luck too far. A jerk present in a group indicates a jerk in charge. A jerk. A real knee biter. A jug is carried under your coat for a dishonest reason. A KGB keyboard has no key! A knowledge of Sanskrit is of little use to a man trapped in A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for. A leap year is never a good sheep year. A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool. A lecture on time travel will be held yesterday. A legend in his own mind A liar isn't believed even when he speaks the truth. A liberal's generosity is limited only by your income. A library serves no purpose unless someone is using it. A lie is a very poor way to say hello. A little a'disk & a little a'dat A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah. A little enthusiasm never hurt anybody.... A little greed can get you lots of stuff. A little inaccuracy saves a lot of explanation. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. A little LAN will do it! A little problem that confronts you. A little red button awaits to be pushed ! A little suffering is good for the soul. A little truth helps the lie go down. A living example of Artificial Intelligence. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and . A Long Nose Is Forever. A lot was accomplished before you were born. A lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math. A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow. A man forgives only when he is in the wrong A man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple. A man is as old as the woman he feels. A man isn't poor if he can still laugh. A man serves best, when he serves himself. A man who steals his neighbor's wife is not alone A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle. A man's house is his hassle. A man, a plan, a canal. Suez! A man, a plan, a canal... Panama! A mass of conflicting impulses. A mid-air collision can seriously erode climb performance A mind is a terrible thing to taste. A mind is a terrible thing to...err...Hmmm? A mind is a terrible thing to...uhhh...I forget... A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor. A mother is not a dust rag. A Mouse is an Elephant designed by the japanese;-) A mouse may be useful, but only for cat food. A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido - Yay! A mutated, superior man could also be a wonderful thing A naked man fears no pick-pocket. A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind. A noisy exhaust to some almost amounts to a mating call. A nose in artificial manure is not studying nature. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day... A optimist invented an airplane; a pessimist a parachute. A ounce of pretension = a pound of manure! A pain in the butt may be a friend in need. A Paradox May be Paradoctored. A PC takes guesswork out of it. So does a bikini. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. A Penny earned is a Penny owed (Probably to Uncle Sam) A penny earned is Cheap labor.. A penny for your thoughts: 20 to act them out. A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy.. A penny saved is a Congressional error A penny saved is a Congressional oversight. A penny saved is a Governmental oversight. A Penny saved is a Penny earned. The rest is Revenue Canadas A penny saved is a penny earned. The rest is the IRS's. A penny saved is a penny. A penny saved is not worth very much. A penny saved is ridiculous! A penny saved is ridiculous. A penny saved is worthless. A penny saved... is a Congressional oversight. A person in a passion rides a mad horse. A person is a lion in his own cause. A person never tells you anything until contradicted. A person slow to anger is better than the mighty. A person without a navel lives within all of us. A person's strongest dreams are about what he can't do. A perversion of nature....how exciting! A pessimist is never disappointed. A pest: A friend in need. A pill a day keeps the stork away. A pitcher that goes to a well too often is broken first. a point of view is a matter of perspective... A poor excuse is better than no excuse! A product with 'ZERO DEFECTS' doesn't ship! A programmer's work is never done. A prune is a plum with experience... A RAM is a terrible thing to waste. A red nose can be the result of sunshine or moonshine. A right delayed is a right denied. A rolling clone gathers no DOS. A rolling fat woman gathers no flour. A rolling stone gathers momentum. A room should reflect its occupant. A second Childhood?? Hell, I'd like to have my first! A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are. A single fact can spoil a good argument. A sleeping fox counts hens in his dreams. A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces. A species that enslaves other beings is hardly superior A stage? No, this is not a stage. A statesman shears the sheep; the politician skins them. A stiff neck usually supports an empty head. A STOIC brings the baby; a CYNIC is where you wash it. A stumble may prevent a fall. A technician will be on the line shortly................. A teetotaller makes the worst drunkard. A terrible mind is a thing to waste A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart. A thief believes that everybody steals. A thing of beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A Tisket a Tasket, A Condom Or a Casket! A tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear it... A tribble a day keeps the Klingons well fed. A true diplomat struts sitting down. A truly advanced planet wouldn't use force. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose. A turkey roast is a foul ball... A united Germany means even less sunbeds A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its written on A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals A vote on the tally sheet is worth two in the box. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. A Warriors Drink -- Well that Explains a lot. A waste is a terrible thing to mind. A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one. A wholesome mind is wasted potential. A wife is proof that a husband can take a joke. A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn A wise man once said... I don't know. A wise person sees as much as ought, not as much can. A wok is what you throw at a wabbit. A Woman a day keeps the Wife away A woman should have compassion. A word fitly spoken is like a beautiful apple of gold. A worthless wise man always charms the rabble. A yawn is a silent shout. A yer ago I kudnt spel progrmer now I are won. A*C, who said A*C? A-440 or Fight! A: I don't know and I don't care. AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! aaaoooggghhh......aaoogghhh......DIVE! DIVE! Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace. Abandon all hope, ye who press [] here... Abandon hope, all ye who here! aBC AcADemY oF BiDiGItAl dActYloGrApHy ABCD GOLDFISH? LMNO GOLDFISH! Abort, Retry, Fail ? Abort, retry, forget it! ABORT, RETRY, GET THE SHOTGUN AND SHOOT THE DAMNED THING. ABORT: Drivel filter is compromised! About those sentence fragments. Above all things, reverence yourself Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation Abstinence should be practiced with modulation Academy: A modern school where football is taught. Accidents cause people. Accidents happen! Wear your seat belt! Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats. Acetone = What you do in exercise class... Acid rain dissolves styrofoam. Acid test? You're soaking in it... ACK and ye shall receive. ACK and you shall receive. across a staid lion for immortal porpoises. Act my age?? I've never BEEN my age before!! Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming. Actions are neither as good nor as evil as impulses. Actions are usually right, but the reasons seldom are. Actions from sanity are not necessarily from feeling. Actions speak louder than coaches. Actions speak louder than words -- but not so often. Actual war is a very messy business. Actually, there IS a bananna in my pocket... Actually, this all sounds like STACKS of trouble to me... Actually, what I want is a little toy spaceship!! Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache. Adam to Eve -- "I'll wear the plants in this family." Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention. Admiration: Polite recognition of self-reflection. Adult: One old enough to know better. Adventure is the champagne of life. ADVENTURE: The land between entertainment and panic. Adversity makes people wise but not rich. Advertising is legalized lying. - H.G. Wells Advice is a dangerous commodity. Advice is usually worth what it cost. Advice void, if I'm incorrect! Affirmative action rewards underachievement. After 46 decimal places nobody cares anyway... After all is said and done, more is said than done... After the frog jump contest at Tootsweet... After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? Against stupidity, the Gods themselves, contend in vain ! Age & Trickery will always overcome Youth & Skil Age can be beautifull as long as it works!!!! Agent Provocateur Extraordinaire AGGHHhhh, 4 AM Already! agnodyslexic plea: why me dog? Agreement: The basis of reality and culture. Ah Jaquelin ... Will you grab that piece of skull... Ah come on, just this one last little feature Ah foun' my thrill...on Anita's hill Ah shucks it works - darn it! Ah, Come on Let's Let um Do It. Ah-ooooh, where was the thunder? Aha! Another "Undocumented Feature"! Ahh - a desq with a view! Ahhhhhhhh, I forget what I was going to say Ai Mate, Capt'n J.P. Jones Here! Aibohphobia - the fear of palindromes. aibohphobia n. -- The fear of palindromes. AIDS -- The Plague Denied by the ACLU the AMA and man! Ain't nerd-life grand? Ain't Winter Grand? Ain't WP Macro's *FUN*...!!! Air bags...Inflation we can live with! Air conditioned enviroment - do NOT open Windows! Air Conditioner 1.0. Runs under Windows. Air controllers nightmare: A pack of F-117s landing. Air pollution is a mist demeanor. Air strikes are like sanctions with an attitude. Alamak!!! Alas Poor Yorick, I think you're dead Albatross! Alert: Invalid Drive Specification ahead! Alex Haley was adopted! Alex, I'll take "Things Only I Know" for $200. Alexander Graham Bell was a 'phoney! Algol is not just a star Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. Alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping All animals are equal, some more than others. All computers wait at the same speed. All for one and one for ONE! All for one; one for all; ME above all! All generalizations are bad. All generalizations are false All Good Things Come In Numbers . . . All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy. All I need is a Tall Ship and a star to steer by . . . All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power All I want to know is: WHY ME? All in a days work for "Confuse-a-Cat" All in all it's just another brick in the wall... All in all just another brick in the wall. All in all, I'd rather be in Tumwater. All left-handed people, please raise your right hand! All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson All men are born equal. The tough job is to outgrow it. All men are brothers. All mimsy were the borogoves All other boards have no RIME or reason... All power corrupts, but we NEED electricity. ALL PRICES INCLUDE POSTAGE IN THE U.S. All programmers want arrays. All reality is aspect dependent. All right, we'll call it a draw. All right.... who siphoned the blood out of my cat? All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full. All Scottish food is based on a dare. All sentences that seem true should be questioned. All stressed out, and no one to choke... All That Glitters Has A Highly Reflective Coating On It! All the easy problems have been solved. All the thoughts I'd be a-thinkin' if I only had a brain. All the world is indeed a stage... Shakespear All the world's a stage. Stop forgetting your part! All things are green unless they are not. All things change, nothing is extinguished. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. All work and no play, will make you a manager. All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait. All you people generalize way too much. All your future lies beneath your hat. All your people must learn before you can reach for the s All's well that ends well - E. A. Poe All's well that ends. Almost any program runs faster on a Pentium! Alone at last! Alone: In bad company. Alpha/Beta testing requires masochistic tendencies. Alright degenerates. I want this place empty NOW! Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. Always do right: Gratify some and astonish the rest. Always draw your curves, then plot the data. Always forgive your enemies. They -HATE- that! Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. Always it is the brave ones who die, the soldiers Kor Always question Authority; oft venal and rong Always ready to pervert pure science for a fast buck! Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else. Always remember: look before you leap! Always strive for excellence is the best attitude around Alzheimers advantage: Hide own Easter eggs Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day. Alzheimers is very..ah...uh.....uh.....um Am I hallucinating or something?? Am I paranoid?...Or does this puter really hate me? Am I Wise, or otherwise? Amateur Time Lord Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound Ambition destroys its possessor. Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. America is a dream to most of the world. America is a tune. It must be sung together. America is the only country founded on a good idea. America was not discovered by Americans, shame on them. Amiga, the choice of the Politically InCorrect. Amityville - A good Place To Be From - Far From! Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. An "expert" is anyone from out of town. An accommodating vice is better than an obstinate virtue. An actor without buck teeth can play the Easter Bunny. An agreeable person: One who agrees with you. An appeaser feeds a crocodile, hoping to be eaten last. AN APPRECIATION OF ART IS A HIGHER SIGN OF INTELLIGENCE! An armed citizenry: Ultimate bulwark to tyranny! An ass thinks one thing, his rider another. An atheist has no invisible means of support. An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut. An Egyptian King passing gas is a toot uncommon. An Electrician gets into people's shorts! An electrician worries about current events An elephant is a mouse using OS/2 ... An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. An Elephant Is Just A Mouse Built To Gov't Specs! An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications. An Elephant: A mouse Built to Government Standards An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications. An expert is someone from out of town. An idle mind is worth two in the bush. An improper mind is a perpetual feast. An inch of dog is better than a mile of pedigree. An open mind gathers no dust. An opinion is like an a**hole - everybody has one - An optimist is someone without much experience. An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. An ounce of pretention's worth a pound of manure... An oyster is a fish built like a nut. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. An unemployed court jester is no one's fool. an xplaination... Anarchists of the world-- UNITE!! Anarchy is against the law! Anarchy is better than no government at all. Anarchy means ignoring things that really piss you off! Ancient custom has the force of law. Ancient Ferengi Love Saying: Wenum can'tum waitum and all the children are above average and Boy! are my arms tired!! And do you know the greatest monster of them all? Guilt. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. And God said: E = mv - Ze/r, and there was light! And he disappeared in a puff of logic. And how can this be? For he IS the Kumquat Haagen And how do you spell RELIEF, *Smith*&*Wesson* And I thought a "hard drive" was driving through Georgia and I'll show you the prints of Wales And if I come again I will receive you unto myself! And if Iraqs primary export was broccoli? And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes and in between are the doors. And make them spend it on life. and never, ever cut a deal with a dragon. And never, never try to milk a bull! And now a word from our sponsor... And now a word from the NULL device. And now for something completely different! And now for something completely else... And now for something completely the same... And now for something ruder... And on the seventh day He took an aspirin. And remember kids, DON'T try this at home! And remember. NO ANCHOVIES, PLEASE!!! And remember: Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo And shun the frumious Bandersnatch And so it goes... And so with vorpal sword in hand and sometimes the bear eats you. and that is how we know the Earth is banana-shaped And the days dwindle down to a precious few... And the men who hold high places... And the only thing the Borg left was this MacIntosh... And then it goes... BOOOOOMMMM!!! And there he was, reigning supreme at number two. And thereby hangs a tale. and they lived happily ever after. And they said it couldn't be done. And they still go mad at this time. And this 2-record disco set, only from K-TEL! And this is the machine that goes "Ping". And this is what you do for fun. and this is your brain with a side order of bacon. And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. And what else floats.....? And you thought BATS were just for Baseball! AND, it frees my palm to do other things! And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM and... and... Oh, nevermind.. Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. Angels can fly since they take themselves lightly. Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. Anger is a relative state. Angling: The name given to fishing by non-fishermen. Animal Testing = Animal Suffering.. Animals are little people in fur coats. Announcing the SHOGSORPOP! Send $15.95 to... Anomalous Transient Phenomenon: (N)uts, (D)arn, (R)ats Another bit of knowledge from the Hollywood Typographer Another brilliant mind ruined by JH. Another day, another buck 2.98 minus tax..... Another dream that failed.There's nothing sadder. Another empty space Another fine Good Intentions Paving Co. project! Another fine mess you've gotten us into! Another fine product from Bastards Inc. Another font of knowledge from the Typographer Another one bites the dust... ANSI is a person who can't sit still. ANSI is banned at San Quentin; too many escape sequences! Answers: $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb Looks: FREE Antenna coupling: insect foreplay Anti-Mickeys of the world: Unite Antidisestablishmentarianism! Antidisestablishmentarianism!! ANTIQUE STRIPPER TO DISPLAY WARES AT STORE Any bug not fixed in one year becomes a feature. Any certainty is a delusion. Any clod can have the facts - having opinions is an ART! Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough. Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do. Any fool can tell the truth, it takes sense to lie well. Any Gallaudet students out there? Any given program, when running, is obsolete. Any idea why they put this line here, of all places? Any job worth doing is worth complaining about. Any Kappa Sigmas out there? Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there Any wire cut to length will be too short. Anybody can win, unless there is a second entry. Anybody who'd run a COMM program is a COMMIE. Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. Anyone could do it with manuals... Anyone wanna buy some used Malathion? Anyone who remembers the 60's...wasn't there. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Anything that kills you makes you... Well, dead. Anything you say will be misquoted & used against you. Apathists of the world ..... ahh, forget it! Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. Apes evolved from Creationists! Apology is only egotism wrong side out. Apple Festival, Murphysboro's Very Own, Sept. 12-15th Apples? Apricots? This industry is full of Fruits! Applied emotion is the key to success with happiness. Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush. Arabs wear turbines on their heads ARC.angel says "zip.itup" Architecture is the art of how to waste space. Are CD's really the Pits? Are Cheerios really donut seeds? Are dog biscuits made from collie flour? Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors? Are RAM chips better than COW chips? Hmmm, it depends... Are RAM chips better than EWE chips? Are thunder thighs produced by "eat" lighting? Are we having fun yet? Are we supposed to be having fun yet? Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head? Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE about this *.*? Are you after MY pervert award or what?????? Are you cold or just happy to see me? Are you sure (N/N)? Are you SURE it's plugged in? Are YOU talking to me? () Are you waiting for your prey? Aristotle was all wet! Army food: The spoils of war. Arnolt devor thosoph teron dubonic bashovisky? Art does not reproduce the visible; it makes visible. Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth. Art is either plagiarism or revolution. Art is I; Science is We. Art is not a mirror. Art is a hammer. Art is vision not expression. Artificial intelligence. Natural stupidity. Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion. As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life. As confused as a termite in a yo-yo As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 As for me, all I know is that I know nothing. As human beings, that is the way it is. As I said before, I never repeat myself. As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there As lacking in privacy as a goldfish. As long as I live, I shall be, myself, no other, just me. As my grandfather had said in his last words, "A TRUCK!" As Socrates once said, "I drank WHAT?" As the Iron Curtain rusts... As you think, so will you be. As your Doctor I advise you to drink heavily. ASCII a stupid question get a stupid ANSI ASCII and it shall be given unto you. ASCII and ye shall receive. GRASP and you get it faster! ASCII no questions, I'll tell you no lies. ASCII stupid question, and you'll get a stupid ANSI. ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS... Ashes to Ashe, Dust to Dust, use that THING or it'll RU Ask me about my lobotomy. Ask me about my vow of silence. Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it Ask others for help and be in debt forever! Asphalt: rectal trouble Asphault = Proctologist's malpractice insurance Aspirins give me a headache. Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. Assassination: The most extreme form of censorship. Assumption #1: Dan Quayle is smarter than broccoli. Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. At 19, everything is possible; tomorrow looks friendly. At all ages you are certain you still have another year. At least egotists don't talk about other people At least Tipper Gore has a sense of humor. Atheism is a non-prophet organization Atheism is a non-prophet organization! Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged. Atheist having an orgasm: "Oh, Random! Oh, Chance!" Atheistic dyslexics don't believe in dog Atilla the Pun Attack software - from ANYwhere, by ANYone, ANYtime... ATTENTION ..............Elvis has left the building! Aunt Em. Hate Kansas. Hate you. Took dog. Dorothy. Aunt Em:Hate you,hate Kansas.Took the dog..Dorothy Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas. Took the dog... Dorothy Auntie Em: Hate you,hate Kansas, aking the dog.- Dorothy Auschwitz, the meaning of pain, the way I want you to die Author of "Lead, follow, or get outta the way." Author of "Zilch." Author of the PCRelay List door! Autistics commit senseless violence. Film at 11. Autobiography: Unrivalled telling truth about others. Avatar terminal, the long distance co.'s nightmare Avenge the death of the working class! Avoid clichs like the plague. Avoid Computer virus - practice safe HEX! Avoid fruit and nuts - you are what you eat Avoid messes.. Remember to cover cat before microwaving. Avoid sarcastic remarks. Aw, gee, Wally . . . AWWW, come on, just this one last little feature. B movies??? I think we all know you better than that. Bababooey! Bababooey! -- Howard Stern Baby not wanted: (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore BABY ON BOARD -just means five more points Baby on board! Baby Philosophy - If it stinks, change it. Bachelor: One who's footloose and fianc free Bachelor: Plays the field until the field comes in. Back to taxation without representation.. Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch! Backup is for whimps! Backup no encontrado ! : (R)eintento, (P)nico ? Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etire (p)eefirst Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (K)ill something Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)enuin (H)amster Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic? Backup not found: (P) Panic (Any Other Key) Panic. Bacteria acts more intelligent than human beings BAD command or filename...Go stand in that corner! Bad Command! Bad, Bad Command! Sit! Staaaaay... Bad Credit? No Credit? No Problem. No Money? Problem. Bad is never good until worse happens Bad judgement + experience + luck = good judgement. Bad officials: elected by good citizens who fail to vote. Bad Spellers of the world uniet. Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers! Badges? We don't need no stinkin badges! Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges! Bagdad in flames! Missles coming! Film at 11. Bagels, Lox, Cream Cheese -- YUM YUM !! Baker, Swaggart...Only 3 To Go! Bakers make the best Doctors. Bald spot? No -- solar panel for brain power Bald spot? No - solar panel for superior brain power! Bald: follicularly challenged. Bamboo sweeps the stairs, but the dust is undisturbed. Bang! I'm dead! Bang, You're Dead! Banned on Big Blue Barbara Walters? Ugh...me prefer deer Barium: What you do with dead chemists. Barnum was wrong ... it's more like every 30 sec. Baseball has been bery bery gooood to me. BASIC sux! BASIC: Beginners' All-purpose Symbolic Identity Crisis? Bastard toadflax: not the result nearsighted horny toads. Bastards do have a redeemable feature: mortality. Batches, batches, we don' need no steenkin' batches! Batman IS Mr.Mom?!?! Batman, was around here somewhere baud bps BCPL -> B -> C !!! No wonder C is so cryptic! Be a good consumer; ask, complain, choose! Be a Lert -- what the world needs is more Lerts! Be alert! The world needs more lerts Be American, Buy American - and CHARGE IT! Be careful what you ask for...you might get it! Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Be carefull out there Be different DON'T speak your mind! Be good to your ENVIRONMENT -- Purge your TREE Be good to your ENVIRONMENT, prune your TREE. Be just to all men, be courteous to all women. Be nice on your way up, you'll meet on the way down. Be part of the solution not part of the polution Be part of the solution--not part of the problem Be pleasant no matter how much it hurts. Be still my moving bo... er, beating heart. ;-) Be sure to practice safe hex... Use an Eraser Be suspicious of all native-born Esperanto speakers. Be tactful. Never alienate anyone on purpose. Be the ball, Danny, be the ball. Be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you! Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Beam Me Up Scotty, ............*S-C-O-T-T-Y*!!! Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room. Beam me up, Scotty! It ate my phaser! Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here Beam me up, there's no intelligent life here! Beam me up. Scotty, there's no...Erk-gh..Arg...Spklt-t... Beat me! Whip me! Make me use Kermit. Beatings will continue until morale improves. Beauty faded has no second spring. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.... Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..... Beauty is only skin deep.....ugly goes right to the bone! Beauty is skin deep, ugly goes to the bone. Beauty is transitory. Beauty survives. Beauty times brains is a constant. Because Pikinu barked so, THAT'S why. Become a programmer and never see the world! Become a programmer and never see the world!! Bedfellows make strange politicians. Been a long time since I rock an' rolled Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Been there, done that... Beep! Invalid Input. I take only cash.... Beep, Beep... nope, not felix the cat... Beer cans empty! Memory Full! Zzzzzzzzzz!!! Beer! It's not just for breakfast anymore..... BEER... Drink your daily B-complex with a foamy head. Before advising "Be yourself!" reassess his character. Before backing up ... make a backup Before C, there was only BASI, PASAL and OBOL. Before I couldn't spell engineer, now I are one! Before you act, thimk. Before you louse something up, THIMK! Before you see the light, you must die. Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. Behind every great man is an amazed mother-in-law! Behind every great man, there is a woman -- urging him on Behind every succesfull man is woman with nothing to wear Behind every successful man stands a surprised MIL. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwalt gersput! Being able to say NO is the root to reclaiming your life. Being human does have certain advantages Being normal isn't one of my strengths. Being old sucks! Being paranoid doesn't mean they _aren't_ out to get you! Being rich isn't a sin. It's a %$#!@)^ miracle! Being young is...I don't remember anymore! Believe me... It's a hardware problem or a Virus BELL RATES: pay an arm & leg to use an ear & mouth Ben Franklin wasn't the ONLY one lightning got Best file compression around! "DEL *.*" - 100% comp. Best way to be useful - stay out of the way. Bet my floppy's bigger than yours. Beta Testers are crazy, Alpha Testers are totally insane Beta testers do it first! Beta testers do it till it breaks. BETA TESTERS WHO LIE! On the next Geraldo... BETA testing is hazardous to your health. Beta version - too buggy to be released. Better dead than mellow. Better is the enemy of good enough Better to marry a man who loves you than one you love. Better to understand little than misunderstand a lot. Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. Beware of attacking SPEED HUMPS! Beware of low flying read/write heads. Beware of men who won't be bothered with details Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers Beware of quantum ducks. Quark, Quark. Beware of Roumulans bearing GIFs. Beware of the opinion of someone without any facts. Beware of true believers you may be duped by a false god. Beware of what you ask of the Gods, for they may.. Beware of what you ask of the Gods, for they may.... Beware the Cobolosaurus Rex! Beware the fury of a patient man. Dryden Beware the Jubjub bird Beware the psychopomp Beware The TOPIC POLICEMAN! Beware when God lets loose a thinker on this planet. Beware! I'm armed and have premenstrual tension. Beware! I'm armed and have suffered from PMS all my life. Big nostrils? Look at your finger size! Bigamist = Italian fog Bigamist: One who makes the same mistake twice. Bigamy is one wife too many - so is monogamy. Bigamy is one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing. Bigamy: One wife too many. Monagamy: Same thing. Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same idea. Bigamy: too many wives. Monogamy: see Bigamy. Bigomy: one wife to many. Monogamy: same idea. Bikes Not Bombs Bill and Ted's excellent adventure happened in Florida Bill Gates, have 'em write _real_ code... Biochemists wear designer genes Biochemists wear designer genes... Biochemists Wear Designer GreenGenes. Biography should be written by an acute enemy. Biography: One of the terrors of death. Birds are trapped by their feet, people by their tongues. Birds of prey know they're cool. Bit Decay!? Dd y s Dy Bit Decay!? Yo say ou hve B Day BIT: Past tense of BYTE. Bite but keep your backs against the wall. Bite here. Then turn and examine. Bits make bites, but nibbles turn me on! Bits, Bytes, Bauds ...Can't live With, or Without! Bire qui coule ne manque pas de mousse. Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Black Hole Golf Course -- A hole in one every time! Black Hole: Nature's divide by zero error. Black Holes are Out of Sight Black holes are outa sight! Black holes are where God divided by zero. Black holes are where God forgot to cancel the infinities Black Holes happened when God divided by Zero Black holes really SUCK! Black holes really suck... Black holes resulted when MS tried to beat a deadline! Black holes suck. Black Holes were created when God divided by zero! Black holes: XRW, CLOUT, R:TOOLS, R:MACROS, R:Documenter Black or white they can all hang equally.... Blackouts are NOT unscheduled midweek vacations... Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats. Blessed are the pessimists, for they hath made backups Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups! Blessed are the pessimists; they make backups! Blessed be the pessimist for he hath made backups. Blessed our young they will inherit our national debt. Blessings never come in pairs; misfortunes never alone. Blind faith is ignorance in drag. Bliss *IS* ignorance Blond Mating Call: Oh, I'm so drunk [giggle]!! Blonde's prefer Hard Disks over floppy ones! Blood - the gift that counts! Blood is thicker than water, and much more tastier. Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier. Blood is thicker than water, and tastier. Blood is thicker than water. Tastes better too. Blow me a little kiss, will ya, huh? Blow up your vehicle. It's really fun to watch. Blue dove...the crackerjack is on the windowsill. Blue... No, yelloooooooooooooow Bluff means never having to sway your story. Bo doesn't know me ! Bo knows your girlfriend. Bo Peep did it for the insurance. BOING! ASCII stupid question; get a stupid ANSI. BOING! RIME--America's Funniest Home Computers BOING! Tag! You're It... BOING! There are too many people in the world. BOING! Toxicologists have better endpoints BOING! Dolly Parton-- silicone based life Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people. Bones, I hate your #@!*% human guts. Discussion? Bonking with Barbie.. Book never written: "Dog training." by Wille Bite Bookies are rarely found inside the library. Boot & ye shall see. Replace & all will be made clear. Boot in the root! BAT in a FAT! Backup,backup,DAT,DAT,DAT Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencys. Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. BOREALIS is where I'm at. Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage. Borg Burgers: We do it our way. Yours is IRRELEVANT!! Borg Burgers: Have'em our way, yours is irrelevant. Borg in New Jersey: "Florio is irrelevant." Borg Spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3 Borg-Cola : Not the choice of The Next Generation. BorgBurgers. We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant. Borland schmorland Born Again Virgin. Born crying, live complaining, die disappointed. Born Free, Taxed to Death !! Born in 1945. The replacement for WW II. Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. Boy, that's bad!! Boy: A noise with dirt on it. Boycott copy protected games. Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. Boys. Oh, boys. Lookie what I found ... Brain cell currently disengaged ... Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some. Brain disfunction detected.... Brain in gear before mouth in motion. Brain over - Insert coin Brain. Brain. What is brain? Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. Brandy-and-water spoils two good things Breakdown can occur from many causes. BREAKFAST.COM Halted. Cereal Port Not Responding.. Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore... Breast fed: A female FBI agent. Breast size multiplied by IQ always equals 69 Breast size times I.Q. is constant. Breathing may be hazardous to your health. Breed and Consume Brevity is the soul of utter incomprehension. Briefniks of the world, Unite! Bring back DICK..At least we KNEW he was crooked! Bring back the dobro to rock n roll! Bring forth the Holy Hand Grenade! Britannia waives the rules. Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached. Broken Hearts repaired while you Sleep! Brooklyn -- the Fertile Crescent of Civilization Brought to you by the Mother of all Messages BS (bee ess): n. An uninformed statement. BTW, FWIW, IMHO, yes. OTOH, AAMOF, maybe not. BTW: Between The Words Bubble, Bubble..Am I too late to jump the ship ?? Bud said,`Let there be lite' and there was Lite. Buddhist asks for hotdog: "Make me one with everything". Bug free, cheap, on time, works. Pick two. Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Bugger me with a fish fork.. Bugs are Sons of Glitches! Bugs Bunny is a Hare Brain. Bugs Bunny works for the KGB. bugs in the teeth Bugs, like coat hangers, breed if unobserved. Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved. Bugs, What BBBuuugggsss? Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers Bulletin Broads Baud Better! Bullets speak louder than reason. Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing Bungee Diving - Living it up when you're going down! Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound. Bureaucracy: That place always in need of a laxative. Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise Burma Shave. Burnin' down the house... Bury Hussein in Kimchee & Limburger! Bus error (Passengers dumped) Bush.sys corrupt, recommend optimizing politics But attaining a desired goal always is. But God TOLD me to use a GOTO. but have you tried PRUNES? But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car But Honey, you NEED VGA for Dbase management! But I DID read the manual... But I thought YOU did the backups... But it's real. And if it's real it can be affected... But Ma, Johnny has all of his doors registerd! But my little voice TOLD me to do it! But one man can change the present! But really, it was EXACTLY the same as before... But Santa, Naughty IS Nice! But then again, I like cold toilet seats. but there aren't any CHEESEMAKERS there, nossiree But what if I'm a figment of MY imagination? But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination? But which one is the fatherboard? But you're still of the same nature. But, boss, this IS part of my job! But, did you see that with your eyes open? But, officer, I was only going ONE way! But... What If They Went _NOWHERE_? Dr. McCoy (II) Butterfliers are free Buy a 486-33 you can reboot faster Buy a 486-33 you can reboot faster.. Buy a 486-33, you can reboot faster Buy a Mac. It can do SOMETHING right. Buy in haste, repair at leisure Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More. Buy land. It's not being made anymore. By all means, let's not confuse ourselves by the facts. by George I think she's got it! By reading this, you're either a lawyer or a nut By the time I have money to burn, my fire will be out. By trying we can learn to endure another's adversity. BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME C code. C code run. Run code, run...Please!! C code. C code run. Run code, run. C code. C code run. PLEASE, code, run? C Error #011: First C Program, huh? C Error #012: printf("Hello world\n"); C Error #013: That's Mr. C to you bub! C Error #026: Sorry, gone fishing... C Error #029: Well! I'm impressed C Error #030: tisk, tisk, tisk C Error #031: May I suggest delivering pizza? C Error #034: !!! RAID !!! C is for Bangers. C Jack code. C code run. C Jack debug. C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. C program run. C program crash. C programmer get drunk. C programmers do it in libraries C Programmers do it with models! C Programmers do it with the LARGE model! C'est la vie. C'ing More and More Each Day!!! C'mon, Punk...Reductio my Absurdum C++ classes - call for times and dates! C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers earns money by inheritence. C, the power of ASM with the flexibility of ASM C-ing is believing C:DOS C:DOS\RUN RUN DOS RUN C:\> SWEEP ECHO Y|DEL *.* < C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files ^^^oo^^^ C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN RUN\RUN\RUN C:\DOS ... C:\DOS\RUN ... RUN\DOS\RUN CA Driving: To Change lanes, first pull out your 9mm.. CA Raisins murdered! Cereal Killer? Film at 11. CA, the Granola State - What ain't fruits is nutz. Caesarean Section - a district in Rome. Caffeine makes the world go round. CAIRO: Just another city in Egypt..... California does have its faults. California has its faults. California Raisins Murdered. Cereal Killer suspected. California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected California Saga... Call 1-800-52-STERN For "CRUSIFIED BY THE FCC"!!! Call it a hunch - Quasimodo. Call the Liberal Hot Line - 1-976-WEL-FARE ($10 per min) Call this number for illiteracy: 555-READ Call your Father today: I wish I still COULD! Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard... Calm down. It's only ones and zeros. Calvin and Hobbes for President!!! Camels have wet dreams too. Camels have wet dreams too. It's just a bumpier road. Camera bugs always know where to light! Camptown Races, 6837.6 Meters Long. Do Dah! Can elephants fly? Can I call you Ms. Dos? Can I use my A.M. Radio after noon? Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse? Can the world take TWO of us? ;-) Can you do the Picard Maneuver in a Grand Am? Can you fill us in more on this, Lt. Data? Can you find the mispelled word in hear? Can YOU fly? Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"? Can you say "Pervert", I thought you could. Can you teach new dogs old tricks? Can your world cave in on you? Can't do it yourself eh? Can't get no satisfaction from the facts? Can't have evrything. Where would you put it? Can't live with her, without her, or SHOOT her! Can't use Windows, have single tasking brain and fingers. Can't wait for MS-DOS 5.01! Can't wait for them 100Gb, 10ns drives! Can't Win, Can't Break Even, Can't Quit Canada -- C eh? N eh? D eh? Canadian DOS Prompt: EH>? Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\> Cancer cures smoking. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Cannibals ARE what they eat! Capitalism. I love it! Captain please, not in front of the Klingons. Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5. Carasvemos, corazones no sabemos. Card-carrying member of the cultural elite. Careful! Don't step in that... Oh, never mind Carefull the camel spits <* * * * * Carelessness does more harm than a want of knowledge. Carpe Diem Carpe Noctum.......Seize the night!! Carpenters are just plane folks Castration takes balls. Castration?!? Oh my god! I thought he said circumcision! Cat's In The Bag! The Neighbours Holler! Catch a wave! Catch the wave........... Catholic girls, they never confess. Cats are easier to train than kids! CATS ARE IT! Cats are like furry dilettanti, or the reverse? Cats crawl under gates, software under Windows. Cats Have 9 Lives, Do Radioactive Cats Have 18 Half-lives Cats like mice. Windows like mice. I don't. Cats, like butterflies, need no excuse. Cats, proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad Cats, proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad. Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground. Caution: Blown Brain At Work! Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health. Caution: Contents under pressure Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked Caution: Contents under pressure! CAUTION: Genius at... Uh, I forgot!!! CAUTION: INCORRIGABLE PUNSTER! DON'T INCORRIGE CAUTION: Off Medication and Dangerous Caution: PET XING CAUTION: Programmer X-ing.. Caution: This stuff is addictive... CAUTION: Use with a 3-wire electrical system only! CAUTION:I brake for Bauds (If I see 'em) Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove. CCITT=Confused Corporations In Thrall to Terror CD C:\IRAQ ... DEL HUSSEIN.SDM ... CD-WOM, Wead onwy memowy. CDC Left The Competition In The Dust YEARS Ago ... ! Celery farmers play the stalk market. Celery raw develops a jaw. But stewed, is quietly chewed Celibacy is not an inherited characteristic. Celibacy is not hereditary. Cent, 5 cent, 10 cent, dollar. CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities. Certified to serve! CGA is the pallete from hell Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends. Change is the essential process of all existence. Changing gears, here. Channel 1 * Personal Communications char (*(*x())[])() Character is much easier kept than recovered. Charity begins at home, and mostly ends where it begins. Chastity is curable, if detected early. ChattaCon!!!A lot of fun...if it doesn't kill you first! Check the dilithium crystals, we got us a cross-echo! Check your altimeter! Pull a lever! Push a button! Cheer up - things will get worse. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Chemists do it on the bench! Chemists don't die, they just stop reacting! Chemists have nice reactions. Chemists never die -- they just stop reacting. Chemists never die they just stop reacting. Chernobyl used MACs Chess is a moving experience. Chevrolet, Heartbreak of America. Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators. Chicken Little only has to be right once. Chickens are how eggs make more eggs. Childhood isn't an age, it's a state of mind Childish Game: One at which your spouse beats you. Children have more need of models than of critics. Children Learn What They Live! CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman. Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. Chipmunks roasting on an open fire... Choice? Sure! Let the baby decide! Chooka chooka hoo la ley - Looka looka koo la ley... Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. Choosey cats prefer Microsoft mice, 10 to 1 Chopped Cabbage; not just a good idea, its the SLAW! Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him. Christian Science Programming: "Let God Debug It!" Christians do it with grace Christina Applegate Fan Club -- Go Kelly Bundy! Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. Cindarella's Godmother was a fairy. Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. Cities, like cats, will reveal themselves at night. Civilization - biggest syntax error in history! Civilization is a movement, it is a voyage not a harbor. Cixelsid s'lleh eht tahw? Clark Kent is a transvestite. Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. Cleanliness is next to "clean-limbed," in the dictionary. Cleanliness is next to impossible. Clear as mud Cleopatra: How did these f***ing snakes get on my tits! Clever father, clever daughter; clever mother, clever son Click.. Click.. Damn! No cursors! Forgot to reload mouse. Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. CLINTon - Like LINT but found only in the U.S. of A. Clinton never inhaled... Brown has never exhaled. Clones are people two. Close the door and the light stays on! Close your eyes and press escape three times. Closed eyes are not always sleeping. Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired... Clumsiness is picking up. No it's dropping. Coalition Forces: fighting for YOUR right to dissent! COBOL - Compile Only Because Of Luck COBOL can be cured with early detection! COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods. COBOL programmers wanted. (quick lighting pref.) COBOL.....(C)ompiles (O)nly (B)ecause (O)f (L)uck Cocaine -- the thinking man's Asprin. Cocaine -- the thinking man's Asprin... Cocaine isn't what it is cracked up to be. Cockroaches rule the Earth. Pass it on. code code code code eat code code code sleep code code... Coffee doesnt cause cancer --------Water does!!! COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out. cogito ergo . . . get into a lot of arguments Cogito ergo spud: I think therefore I yam. Cogito ergo sum presupposes "I"-ness Cogito, ergo Hormel - I think, therefore I Spam. COLDBEER.CAN found, programmer probably loaded. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Cole's law: Thinly sliced cabbage Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Collapse Schrdinger's Wave Function! Collector: Person few care to see but ask to call again. College don't make fools; they only develop them College Students Do It With Class College: Guarantee the quality of the product or return. Color me inquisitive... Com'on folks, get a life! It's all just 1s & 0s! Come back ya pansie! I'll bite yer legs off! Come On Up To The Lab... And See What's On The Slab... Comes with all you see here. Batteries not included. Coming soon - "Black Men Can't Play Hockey" Coming soon from Microsoft Foods: Animal Hackers Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!! Coming Soon. Mouse Support for Turbo Edlin! Coming soon: Mouse support for Turbo-EDLIN under Windows! Coming soon: Netware for Nintendo Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo! COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. Commercial radio, commercial radio, commercial r Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways. Committee To Reelect John Sununu Mobile HQ. Committee--a group which keeps minutes and waste hours. Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. Committees keep minutes and lose hours. Common malady: Diarrhea of mouth + constipation of brain Common sense is the least common of all senses. Common sense is the uncommonest sense of all... Common Sense Isn't So Common Common sense isn't. Common sense isn't... Common_malady = Diarrhea_of_mouth + constipation_of_brai Communication.. without it, everyone's a mushroom. Communication: The Universal Solvent. Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop Communism is like one big phone company. Compassion -- that's the one thing no machine ever had. Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence. Competition makes great programs! compiled, first screen came up, ship it!!! Compiling...Linking...Dialing Copyright Lawyer... Complaints? Write them here legibly [] <- Complaints? Write them here legibly [] <- Compliment three people every day. Compliments of the Itty Bitty Machine Company. Compression ain't over 'til the FAT table sings Computational Physicist and all around nice guy. Computer (com-pyoo-ter) n.-Incredibly fast idiot! Computer Guru....Baba Ram Dos Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. Computer Marketing & Consults--Stay Clear!! Computer operators KNOW how to operate! Computer protected by a PIT BULL with AIDS! Computer users take more strokes. Computer widow seeks companion - non-programmer! Computer widow: Family goes broke watching Dad have fun. Computer: a device designed to drive human beings insane. Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light. Computer: Everything Murphy wanted and more. Computer:? Ah we hafta use the keyboard: How quaint COMPUTERESE...ain't automation GREAT! Computers All Wait at the Same Speed! Computers also eliminate spare time. Computers are gre.............. Computers are my job, Handguns are my hobby. Computers are Saving Man??? Does not Compute Computers are useless, they only give answers. Computers are useless; they can only give answers. Computers can never replace human stupidity. Computers don't drink: it's against their bar code. Computers don't make mistakes, but foolish people do. Computers just make me seem smarter! Computers make excellent and efficient servants... Computers operators do it from memory. Computers run on faith, not electrons. Computers: the financial black hole of the 90's Computing's patron Saint - St. Francis of Ansi C. Computious Say Ain't Life A Byte. CON is the opposite of PRO - i.e. Congress and Progress Condense soup, not books! Condolences to all who condemn yet condone condoms Condom - external storage Condominiums are not effective birth control. Condoning sloppy spelling is guache. ConEd - made in the U.S.A Confession is good 4 the soul, but bad 4 the reputation. Confirmation of the past is often the greatest surprise. Conformity obstructs progress. Confront reality -- Not drugs. Confucious say too damn much! Confucious say: I didn't say that! Confucious say: Man who meows ate pussy! Confucious say: Man with no legs bums around. Confucious say: Those who quote me are fools. Confucius say too much. Confuse people - quote from the wrong Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message! Confused? Call Lt. Cmdr. Troi at 1-900-NCC-1701 Confused? Consult your OOP Guide. Confusion not only reigns, it pours. Confussion will be my epitaph Congratulations! You may already be a whiner! CONNECT 110?!? Help! I'm in s l o w m o t i o n !! Connections! Says Darryl Basner eats Shiitaki Mushrooms! Connections! Working for a Bruzzi Free Network! Conquest is easy.Control is not. Conservative (n): Liberal who has been mugged. Conservative: One who admires radicals long dead. Conserve a hunter....HARVEST ONE TODAY! CONSERVE A HUNTER; HARVEST ONE TODAY! Consider that a divorce. Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. Consistency: The last refuge of the unimaginative Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations. Conspiracy: the opiate of the asses Constant change is here to stay. Constant tinkering buggers things up Constants aren't; variables don't. Constants aren'tvariables don't. Contraceptives should be used on every possible occasion. Contraceptives: to be used on all conceivable occasions. Control-ALT-Delete thyself Converse with any plankton lately? Cool Dude! Copy protection: just say no... Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association Core error -- bus dumped. Correct in Thought, Statement, or Action....TRUE!! Correct me if I'm wrong, everybody else does. Corruption. The most infallible symptom of liberty. Cosmic Soda-pop Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer? Couldn't myself have better it said. Count Dracula - your Bloody Mary is ready... Coup de grace -- French for lawnmower? Courage is fear that has said its prayers. Cover your stump before you hump! Cover your stump before you hump. Covet not your neighbor's ass; the IRS has a lien on it. Cow's breath attracts mosquitoes and tsetse flies! Cowa Bunga, Dude.... Cowabunga I'll take the Marshmallow pizza Cranial Input Error: Line Status Register 02 CRASH: Normal termination. Crazy Monkey Love... Crazy way to travel. Creativity is a Spark of Life! Creativity is the recombination of the elements of life. Credit card owner -- Member of the debt set Creditor: A man who has a longer memory than a debtor. Creditors have much better memories than debitors Creditors have much better memories than debtors. CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART! Crime does not pay -nearly- as well as politics... Crime does not pay... as well as politics. Crime does not pay...as well as politics. Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? Crime frequently starts in the Mayors Office... Crime wouldn't pay if it was operated by the government! Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it. Criminal Lawyer, not an oxymoron. Criminal lawyer. Isn't that redundant? Criminal: One who gets caught. Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. Critical error: (S)hout, (S)mash, (B)uy a mac. Criticism is prejudice made plausible. Criticize me all you want, but listen to me first! Crock pot in microwave = Cook in normal amount of time? Crown Prince of the Crown Royal Cruising at Warp 3 Crusoe got everything done by Friday. Can you? Cry havoc! Let slip the dogs of war! Cryonics: many are culled, few are frozen! Cthulhu Calls -- using MCI Cthulhu saves--in case he's hungry later. Cthulu Saves... in case he's hungry later! Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister! Cupid's arrow kills Vulcans Cure for baldness: Put on your hat! Curses! Hayes-ed again!! Cursillo - the Experience of a Lifetime Custer was fitted for an Arrow shirt Custom is the law of fools. Cut my pizza in six slices, please; I can't eat eight. Cute and definitely hugable....right! CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK; Taking Inventory at a Bike shop Cynicism is intellectual dandyism. D&D Anyone? D.A.M.N.: Naked Mothers Against Dyslexia Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long. Daddy why are you swearing? Have you f**ked up again? Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean? Dafynition #287: TSR=Trash System Randomly Dahmer: "I just bought a new refrigerator...seats 6!" Dain bramaged. Dairy farmers make their living off udders. Dam und blazt! Ze Germancodepage iz svitchedin agen ... DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia. Dame if you will, and dame if you don't. Dammit Jim - I'm a programmer, not a doctor! Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not Aunt Jemima! Dammit no! Don't pick on the pho^$ L%#! Dammit, Jim! I'm a Doctor not a Software Pirate Damn the documentation, full speed ahead! Damn this hobby is expensive! Damn, it's hard being different in a room of eccentrics. Dan Quayle ... just a heartbeat away! Dan Quayle for Starship Yamato Engineer Dan Quayle or Al Gore? Is this REALLY a hard choice? Dan Quayle thinks that Cheerios are donut seeds. Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of vice-presidents. Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of Vice-Presidents. Dan Rather is a First Class Jerk! Dancing with a grass widow brings on hay fever. Dancing with Wolves, Sleeping with beavers DANGER DANGER Computer store ahead...hide wallet. DANGER! Computer store ahead...hide wallet DANGER! DANGER! Computer Book Store Ahead, Hide Wallet. DANGER! DANGER! Computer Store Ahead, Hide Wallet. DANGER! Human at keyboard! Danger!Danger!Computer store ahead...Hide wallet DANGER: Computer store ahead...Hide wallet! Dangerous Exercise: Jumping to Conclusions Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions. Darn my hn i s ns Darn, my CPU is always craming my CMOS with RAMs Darryl Basner should shut up, don't you think? Darth Vadar sleeps with a Teddywookie. Darth Vadar! Only you would be so bold. Darth Vader Lives; he recently told me so! Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie. Data to Picard: "No, Captain, I do NOT run WINDOWS..." Data, you ARE fully functional, aren't you? Database administrators do it with their relations Databases corrupt; R:BASE databases corrupt absolutly! Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets. day++; dollar++; day++; dollar--; day++; dollar--; Sigh(); Day-o...Day-ay-ay-o, Daylight come and me want go home. DBasers do it in fields. Dead Finks Don't Talk -ENO Dead puppys aren't much fun. Deadlines amuse me. Deaf, dumb, and blonde. Dear Abby: What diet is best for my FAT file? Dear FAT, don't eat so many BYTES Death cures cancer. Death don't have no mercy in this land! Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats. Death is an unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop! Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?' Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. Death is nature's way of saying it's to late to play GEEK Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down... Death MAY ease tension, researchers report. Death means never having to say you're sorry... Death, be not proud... John Donne Death, when unnecessary, is a tragic thing. Death: to stop sinning suddenly. Deathtongue Live: Billy and the Boingers Debate Conf's=Mud Wrestling for the Pedantic Debate, rebate, probate - what's the diff?? Decadent Capitalist and proud of it! Decisions terminate panic Dedicated to your culinary delight Defenders only...prosecutors will be violated. Defind FORD Backwards: Driver Returns On Foot!!! DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law. Definition of a prostitute: receiver of swollen goods. Definition of a SysGod : Lord of the Files Definition: pumpkin (v.): What people in Kentucky do. Deflector shields just came on, Captain. Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof! Delivered by Electronic Sleddogs.....Woof! DEMOCRACY:3 wolves and a sheep voting on what's for lunch Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely. Democrats cut red tape....LENGTHWISE Denok batera - PRESOAK KALERA!!! Dentist : he lives from hand to mouth. Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split. Department meeting in 3 minutes Design before coding, and all will flow smoothly Desperate diseases require desperate remedies Desperation is a highly emotional state of mind. Despite of the cost of living, it remains popular. Despite the cost of living, it remains popular! Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. DESQview - No hourglass required! DESQview does Windoze. Desqview vs. Windows is a no-Win situation Desqview!?! I can't even see the floor!! DesqView's Upgrade Policy is good.... NOT! DESQview: Windex for Windows DESQview: The Faster Multitasker Detour: The roughest distance between two points. DEVICE=EVIL; TRICKS=FOUL; PLAN=NEFARIOUS (Snidely-DOS) DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment Dew is the tears which the stars weep. Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Dial 911, make a cop come. Dictator - a potato with a penis. Did I just step on someones toes again? Did I just step on someones toes again?? Did I make myself clear? Good, tell me what I said Did I say your money OR life? I meant to say AND! Did Qfront Originate In The Q Continuum? Did Tarzan love Cheetah or Jane? - Pictures at 11. Did they get you to trade your heros for ghosts? Did you check the...? No, I didn't think so. Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion? Did you know that rats can't vomit? Did you know that SATAN is an anagram for SANTA? Did you really understand that message Did you really understand that message? Did you receive a proper socialist education? Did your dog *really* eat your homework? Didn't I see your picture on a milk carton? Didn't pay my exorcism bill, got repossesed Die Entropie des Welts strebt einem Maximum zu. Diet program removed from FAT Table. Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. Difference between a hero and a coward is one step sidewa Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail. Difference between men & boys is the price of their toys Difficult? I wish it had been impossible! Digital communications, it makes my digit hurt. Digital Lawrence Welk: A One ann-a Zero..... Digitize Ted Turner and turn him into Black & White Dijon Vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before. DILATE: To live longer. Dilithium crystals? I thought you said Folger's crystals! Dime de lo que blasonas, y te dire de lo quwe careces. Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out. DIN DIP: a European jerk. Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young. DIODE; What happens to people who don't die young. Diogenes is still searching. Dios tarda pero no olvida. Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock. Diplomacy should be a job left to diplomats. Diplomacy: Saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. Diplomacy: The patriotic lying for one's country. Direct from the Ministry of Silly Walks Direct from the Ministry of Willie Wanka Directions for PAC-MAN: DIRECTIONS: For External Use Only...no inside jobs! Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap... DISASSEMBLER: An unattended five year old child. Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions. Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal. Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Discoveries are made by not following instructions. Disease can be cured, fate is incurable. Disease is the retribution of an outraged nature. Disk Crash:Abort,Retry,Kill innocent bystandards Disk Error - Press ANY Boot To ReLace Disk Error on C: - (A)bort, (R)etry, (D)estruct Diskette Organizer?... What's that? Disks travel in packs. Disney girls and fantasy world... Disney land: A people trap operated by a mouse. DisneyLand: A people trap operated by a mouse. DISREGARD LAST MESSAGE DIVORCE = system("echo y | erase \wife\*.*" ); DIVORCE =system("echo y| erase \wife\*.*" ); Divorce is not an effective deterrent to marriage. DIVORCE=system("echo y | erase \husband\*.*" ); Do *you* know what Otto Titzling invented? Do agnostics engage in idol speculation? Do artificial plants need artificial water? Do camels make good pets? Do files get embarassed being unZIPped ? Do fish get thirsty? Do HD's sneeze when they catch a virus? Do I even WANT ancestors? Some found I wish I could lose. Do I hit [Enter] now? Do I know how to copy disks? Where's the Xerox machine Do I pee when the sign says "WET FLOOR"? Do it tomorrow. You've made enough mistakes for one day. Do it with style Do Me Wrong or Do Me Right ... Just Do Me! Do molecular biologists wear designer genes? DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality. Do not attack his elite troops - Sun Tsu Do Not Attempt to Traverse a Chasm in Two Leaps. Do not believe in miracles rely on them. Do not believe in miracles, rely on them. Do not disturb. Already disturbed. Do not disturb. Already disturbed! Do not disturb. Already disturbed. Do not fumble with a woman's logic. Do not install prior to installation. Do not look in laser with remaining eye. Do NOT look into laser with remaining eyeball! Do not pay any attention to this. Do not put statements in the negative form. Do not read beyond this line. Do not remove under penalty of law. Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight. DO NOT soak me up with honey please! Do not try to traverse a chasm in two leaps. Do physicists get hadrons? Do Quarter Horses have only one leg???? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Do random acts of kindness and beauty. Do steam rollers really roll steam? Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. Do vampires get AIDS? Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Do wah ditty ditty dum ditty do Do well and you will have no need for ancestors. Do well, you hear it never. Do ill, hear it forever. Do Wizards use spell checkers ? Do you C my point? Do you daydream about your inability to fantasize? Do you know what it's like alone, really alone? Do you know where your back-up is?....... Do you know who used your SSAN to check on you today? Do you like me for may Brains or my Baud? Do you like me for my brain, or my BAUD? Do you love me for my brain or my baud? Do you think binary? 0 or 1? Do you use MCI? So do I. List me as a friend... Do you want graphics? NO, and quit asking me! do {nothing} while (HearFromMe==0) Doc files-We dont need no stinkin'.doc files Doc King. USN. Semper Fi! Docs....I don't need no stinkin' docs! Docs? Docs!? I don't need no stinking docs! Docs? What docs? I don't remember seeing any docs! Docs? Why would I want to look at the Docs. Nurses are be DOCS??? You mean I *actually* have to RTFM? S#1T! Doctor Who for president Doctor who? It's the Doctor! Doctor, my brain hurts! Doctrine is the skin of truth set up and stuffed. Documentation = admission of Failure? Documentation is for people who can't read. Dodging questions is a favorite tatic of hypocrites. Does "Bad FAT" mean disk has high cholesterol? Does "MicroSoft" translate to "small and squishy"? Does any of this make any sense? Does anybody still remember Venture Capital? Does electrons flow? or walk? Does FAKE fur come from stuffed animal toys? Does fuzzy logic tickle? Does it really matter if he said he is Batman Does it really matter which cola I drink? Does killing time damage eternity? Does killing time harm eternity? Does LIFO-suction work on a FAT table? dOES PC sTAND FOR pERSONALLY cRAZY -- I'M NOT... Does Pi make sense to you? Does Quasimoto ring a bell? Does that help at all? Does the Enterprise have Fahrvergnugen? Does the Enterprise use DOS v 2356.0? Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell? Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Does Windows 3 ever need to be cleaned ? Doesn't Ted Koppel look like Alfred E. Neuman? Dog food is best served from a height of 3 feet. Dogmatism: Puppyism come to its full growth. Dogs crawl under gates, software under Windows. Doing it the hard way is always easier. Doing Windows in C is a pane in the glass. Dollars cannot buy yesterday. Don't "push." "Re-engineer" it instead. :-) Don't answer the phone, even if it's me calling! Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss Don't ask me, I just work here. Don't ask me, I only work here. Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go! Don't ask me--I'm making this up as I go! Don't ask why, just do it. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. Don't be a fool; Vulcanize your tool. Don't be a snob. Never lie when truth is more profitable. Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. Don't believe everything you say. Don't believe in miracles, expect them. Don't blame me! I just test the thing! Don't blame me... I didn't do it! Don't blame me..it's San Andreas fault. Don't bother striking any key. Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs. Don't byte off more than you can multiplex. Don't care, don't have to, we're the Phone Co.! Don't cloud the issue with logic. Don't confuse me with facts, my mind is made up! Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers! Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers. Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT! Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean! Don't drink and drive - Smoke dope and fly home. Don't drink and park, accidents cause people Don't drink water. Fish make love in it. Don't erase it! I MIGHT need it -- someday! Don't even TRY to THINK without proper tools. Don't ever watch hot dogs or sausage being made. Don't force it, use a bigger hammer Don't force it, use a bigger hammer. Don't get hooked on drugs, get hooked on fishing. Don't get MAD! Get even! (with a SIDEWINDER) Don't Get Mad, Get Even! Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out. Don't go away mad.... Just GO AWAY!! Don't happy, be worry! Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon. Don't hide your contempt of the contemptible! Don't judge a book by its movie Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!! Don't just sit there. Do something. Don't just stand there, scratch my back! Don't just stand there...KNEEL!! Don't knock President Fillmore; he kept us out of VietNam Don't laugh...we know your node number! Don't let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. Don't let me get too deep. Don't let school interfere with your education. Don't let the Perfect be the enemy of the GOOD. Don't let the sun catch you crying. Don't let your karma run over your dogma. Don't look at me in that tone of voice! Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. don't look back, you can never look back... Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you. Don't look Ethyl... It was too late. Don't make 'em like they used to, thank God Don't make me vomit! Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. Don't mess with Murphy. Don't mess with those who buy ink by the barrel! Don't mind me, I'm just passing through. Don't mind me; I'm the designated drunk. Don't need future shock--present shock is enuff. Don't not format C:? (Y/N) Don't open the darkroom door; it lets all the dark out. Don't play "stupid" with me...I'm better at it! Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it. Don't press the keys so damned hard! Don't question authority, it doesn't know either. Don't question authority; it doesn't know either. Don't read everything you believe. DON'T read the manual! Just WING that sucker! DON'T READ THIS!!! Don't recall us...we'll recall you.... Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour. Don't share your telephone line with a woman! Don't shoot! I'm only the Casio player! Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace. Don't start vast projects with half vast ideas! Don't start with me. You know how I get. Don't steal - the government hates competition.. Don't steal, the government doesn't like the competition Don't steal. The Government hates competition. Don't steal.....Politicians hate competition. Don't steal; the government hates the competition. Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely Don't Support Shareware, just their Authors! Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros. Don't Sweat The Petty Things, Pet The Sweaty Things Don't take life seriously - won't get out alive! Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent. Don't take life seriously...it isn't permanent. Don't take life seriously; You won't get out alive anywa Don't take life too seriously ... it's not permanent. Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. Don't tell me about no damn problems.....fix it yourself Don't tell me what kind of day to have. Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure... DON'T throw away your 2 words. I collect them! Don't touch that keyboard. We'll be right back. Don't Touch That Phone...I'm On The Mode+^%$#(*@ Don't touch that power ba... Don't trust a presidential candidate over 35 Don't trust an anti-abortion activist with a Pe*** Don't trust an Info-Babe... Don't try to confuse me with the facts! Don't try to saw sawdust. Don't tug on Superman's cape. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Don't use commas, which, aren't necessary. Don't use no double negatives. Don't use time or words carelessly. Don't waste water. Pee on a friend. Don't worry the next message will be better! Don't worry, be happ...aw, who gives a damn? Don't worry, be happ...aw, who gives a darn. Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, I'm fluent in wierdo. Don't worry, I'm gong t bckup td Don't worry, I'm gong t bckup td!&%#~% Don't worry, I'm gong t bckup td! Don't worry, send money! Don't worry: The answer's at the back of the book. Don't you just hate it when they verbify nouns? Don't you just LOVE these little machines?? Donald Westbrook MIA 3-13-68 / You are not forgotten. Dope Ring: A Bunch of Blondes in a Circle. DOS 6.0 Yesterday's operating system, today! Dos Error #012 - Human error, Human error... DOS Error - Can't drive to that write. DOS ERROR: Please remove cat from drive A: DOS gets in your eyes! DOS is just an Icon in Windows 3.1. DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.0 DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename".... DOS to DOS, disk to disk, file to file. DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote. DOS: Tells a computer what to do with itself! Dos: Venerable. Windows: Vulnerable. OS/2: Viable. DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... Double your drive space! Delete Windows! Double your hard disk space: DELETE WINDOWS! Doubt is the root of education, not faith. Down to the C in chips. Down with categorical imperative! DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! Down with ignurance! Dr. Crusher can cure cancer, but not baldness Dragonriders make good first impressions. Drama in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater. Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. Dramatize: What well dressed RAM chips wear. Draw your salary before spending it. Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing dreaded words: hard disk failure DREAM: If it's worth doing, it's worth doing DREAM: Just testing my brain!! zzzzzzzzzz Dreams are true while they last. Drilling for oil is boring. Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned. Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why... Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where... Drinking and *.* don't mix... Drive A: format failed, formatting C: instead. Drive A: format failed; formatting C: instead Drive A: not responding.. .Formating C: instead Drive A: not responding...Formatting C: instead Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream Drive Offensively! Drive right, so more people will be left!!! Drive slower than your guardian angel can fly. Drop 'cid not bombs. Drop me a line...anytime! Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit. Ducks fly north when the weather is left. Duct tape is like The Force-it holds the universe togethe Dudley Moore is a phallic thimble. Duh! Which way did he go, George? Dulce bellum inexpertis. Dumb luck beats sound planning every time Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me. Dumb questions are better than smart mistakes! Durians - The King of Fruits Durians, real fruits for real people. dy(3x^4 + 2x-5)/dx = 12x^3 + 2 Dyslexia rules KO. Dyslexia: it can warn without striking! Dyslexics are persona au gratin. Dyslexics have more fnu Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! Dyslexics of the world: Untie! Dyslexics untie! E = mc 2 dB Each day a day goes by. Each kiss is as the first. Eagles fly, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! Eagles may fly, but weasels aren't sucked into jets! Eagles Soar!, but weasels aren't sucked into jets! Early one June morning in 1872 I murdered my father -- Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious. EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can Earth is 98% full... Please delete anyone you can. Earth: Its only ours to borrow! EARTH: (Original Guide entry) Mostly hamless. Earth: A solid substance, much desired by the seasick. Earthmen fear to bargain honestly. Earthquakes are Earth's way of saying, WAKE UP !!!!!!!!!! Easter is canceled this year - they've found the body. Easter is cancelled this year. They've found the body. Easy as 3.14159265358979323846... Easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841791693993. Easy as pie, no fuss, no muss, no crust.... Easy Does It. But Do It Eat Crap! 10 Trillion flies can't be wrong. Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ... Eat it, dear ... pretend it's mud. Eat more Possum! Eat My Shorts Eat Some Fire, Scarecrow! Eat the rich - the poor are tough and stringy. Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy Eat yogurt and get cultured Eating yogurt will give you culture. Ecce homo, ergo elk. Echo: Only thing that cheats some out of the last word. Editing is a rewording activity. EDLIN......the Dan Quayle of editors! Education which is not modern, faces the organic fate. Effective Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target. Efficency == (Speed * Size * $) Cubed Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it? Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. Ego Gratification through Violence Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. Either lead, follow, or get out of the way. Either my watch has stopped or I'm in deep trouble. Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. ejected Pitbull meals #3: Cooper fans El amor es un camino que de repente aparece Electrical Engineers do it with faster rise time Electrician -- Person who wires for money Electricians are live wires! Electronic Techs do it till it Hz Elephant - Mouse built to Government Specifications. Elephant: A Mouse built to Goverment specifications. Elephant: Mouse built to Government specs! Elephant: salamander designed to Mil-Spec Elevator men do it on all floors Elevators smell different to midgets ELVIS HAD MY U.F.O. BABY! Elvis has LEFT the building! Elvis is ALIVE in the Hearts of Millions!! Elvis lives! (they buried him alive). Elvis Presley - the hound of music Elvis stamp = 29, Donut = 29. Coincidence? I think not. Emily, I dreamed I ran an inn in Vermont... emit elttil os ,segassem ynam oS Emotion vs logic? Emotion always wins. Emotions are alien to me.I'm a scientist. EMS: Enhanced Money Scam En boca cerrada no entran moscas. Endocannibalism: The result of a really hungry cannibal. Enema - not your Aunt from Kansas. Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery. Energizer Bunny arrested...... assault and battery ENGINE: We're not clickin' on all cylinders here! Engineers: often wrong, seldom in doubt Engraving is, in brief terms, the art of scratch. enilgaT oediV esreveR Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again. Enjoy yourself today.Tomorrow may never come at all. ENOTOBACCO: Read on empty pipe. Enough research will tend to support your theory. ENOUGH! Grab that ammo can, we're climbing up the tower. Enquiring minds couldn't care less! Ensign Pillsbury.. He's bread, Jim! Ensign, Engage! Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. Enter any 12-digit prime number to continue. Enter that again, just a little slower. Entertain: To elevate from boredom to disgust. Envy is thin because it bites but never eats. Epe, Foil, or Sabre? Epitaph on a gravestone: Cheerio, see you soon. Epoch: the sound made by a hen Eressa: It can't be *that* bad! Eric Estrata for President!!! ERROR # 76 - Check nut on keyboard ERROR #00: CPU TOO *TIRED* TO CONTINUE Error #1511: Brain Offline ERROR #208: Operator out of memory! Error - Operator out of memory! Error - [A]bort, [R]etry, [F]ake like it's working... ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive. ERROR 1701 - Your hard drive croaked!! Error : (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it Error failed! Press any key to resume error. Error finding COLDBEER.CAN Self Destruct Initiated! Error finding REALITY.SYS - Universe halted. ERROR LPT1 not found.. use backup - PENCIL & PAPER Error opening COLDBEER.CAN Glass not ready. Error propagates faster than truth. Error reading FAT Table...Try Skinny one ? (Y/N) Error reading FAT table...Try Skinny one? (Y/N) Error Reading Reality.Sys ... Universe Halted ERROR: CPU not found Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. ERROR: REALITY.SYS Corrupted -- Universe unrecoverable Es Ist Ein Deutsches Auto? Nein, Acura. Ah, Acura! Eschew and avoid redundant obfuscation. Eschew Obfuscation . . . Eschew obfuscation. Escort GT - An oxymoron Espresso: ultra-efficient caffeine delivery system ETAOIN SHRDLU CMFGYP WBVKXJ QZ 1234567890 Eternity only goes in two directions.... Ethernet: A device for catching the Ether Bunny. Ethics is not necessarily the handmaiden of theology. Ettore's law: the other line always moves faster Evangelists do more than lay people Evangelists do more than lay people. Even a noseless dog can stink. Even a philosopher gets upset with a toothache. Even a small star shines brightly in the dark Even backwards, A TOYOTA is still A TOYOTA. Even my mouse has big balls Even Programers need a "bit" of love Even small candles are brighter in the dark. Even small mouths can gather BIG feet! Even the blind can see money. Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark. Even the lion has to protect himself against flies. Even this shall pass away... Ever eat your words? Some parts are edible. Ever fly one of these before? Nope. Me neither! Ever get the feeling someone is watching you? Ever lob a live grenade into a basket of kittens? Ever notice that Legos aren't biodegradable ? Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Ever wonder what oop Fortrash would look like? Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo? Everready Bunny arrested, charged with battery. Everthing looks worse in black and white. Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Every child should be given the desire to learn. Every crowd has a silver lining. Every day is starting to look like Monday ... Every DESQ with a view! Every hard-boiled egg is yellow inside. Every horse thinks his pack is heaviest Every living thing wants to survive. Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours..... Every person constructs their own bed of nails. Every person gets to heaven in their own way. Every person is the architect of their own fortune. Every politician has a price, some hold bargain sales. Every purchase has its price. Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud. Every sperm is Sacred! Every thread needs a needle Every valuable idea offends someone. Every why hath a wherefore. Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Everybody's got to be someplace. Everyone as they loveth, some people kiss cows. Everyone has a scheme that won't work. Everyone hates a smart-ass. Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. Everyone is a genius at least once a year. Everyone is entitled to my opinion, just ask me... Everyone IS entitled to my opinion. Everyone is entitled to my opinion... FREE! Everyone is entitled to my own opinion Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. Everyone is of some use, if only to set a bad example! Everyone makes mistakes, if not we'd be single! Everyone meets their Waterloo at last. Everyone Out for Volleyball in 10 Minutes! Everyone's watching YOU now... Everything bows to success, even grammar. Everything changes except change itself. EVERYTHING I've ever said is a lie. Figure that out! Everything in excess! Moderation is for monks. Everything in our favour was aginst us. Everything is just a thing Everything is just chemistry! Everything is relative, including this Everything starts as somebody's daydream. Everything usually goes wrong at once! Everything You Know Is Wrong Everywhere is an LD call from here. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. Everywhere is walking distance if you have time. Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID! Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth Evil is a hill. We stand on ours, speak about others. Evolution: Life's a niche, and then you die Exactly what is Special sauce on Big Mac's? Excellent day to have a rotten day. Excellent time to become a missing person. Excess is never enough. EXCESS is the key to enjoying life! Excuse me for butting in, I'm interrupt-driven. Excuse me if I sound bitter....I taste that way too Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue. Excuse me, do you know the way to Kansas City? Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower. Excuse me, is that your face or did your neck throw up? EXECdb, Maximum Overkill in EXEC-PC File List Management Existence cannot be without them. Exit, pursued by a bear. EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle. Experience is finding mistakes you make again Experience is what you get after you need it. Experience, the name given by men to their mistakes. Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes. Exploding Piglet Falls Out Stupid Window...GIF 11 Exploding piglets!!! My god, it's raining bacon! Explosive when wet Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing. Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice! Exxon Valdez, Haven, cual ser el prximo? Eye of gnat, tail of cat, where's that dam bug at? F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM! f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng. F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers F1[Panic] F2[Passout] F3[Smash keyboard] F4[Cry] Faber: Knowledge is good! Fac meam diem. -- Clintus Estvoodicus Fact - red lights always last longer than green ones. Fact is solidified opinion Fact. Stranger than any science fiction. Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. FACT: There are more horse's asses than there are horses Fact: There are n+1 zucchinis in the universe. Facts are stubborn things. Fad: In one era and out the other. Failure is never FATAL and SUCCESS is never FINAL. Faint hearts never win in love nor sell life insurance. Fakir - Mann som kan beg selvmord og overleve Falling asleep at the keyboard is called a head crash. False appearance of fine speech Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment. Familiarity breeds attempt Familiarity breeds children. Familiarity breeds contempt- and children. Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it. Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh. Famous last words - Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up. Famous last words - Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp.. Famous last words - You and what army? Famous last words: "Don't worry, I can handle it". Famous last words: "What's this button do?" Fancy dirt is still dirt. Farfignewton Farfignewton.. the cookie of the stars.. Farfignewton...the cookie of the stars. Farfignewton: n., from German, "ergonomic cookie" Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected Spock Fascinating, a totally parochial attitude. Fashions are induced epidemics... Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money! Faster than a speeding Spermatozoon!! Fat heads, lean brains. Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You. Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator. Fatal Error: HOMEY DON'T PLAY DAT! Fatal Error: You're dead. Fatal Logic Error - Engage Brain and (R)etry Fatal System Error - please insert a quarter to fix it Fate is just the weight of circumstances... FATHERS ARE IMPORTANT PARENTS, TOO! Fats Domino - the round of music Fax me no questions, and I'll Fax you no lies! Fax me no questions, I'll Fax you no lies! Fear is the darkroom where negatives develop. Fear is the parent of cruelty. Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt. Fear not, for I have given you authority Feather by feather the goose is plucked. Features should be discovered, not documented Features should be discovered, not documented. Feed your faith and starve your doubts to death. Feed Your Need To Read. Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it! Feel lucky???? Update your software! Feet smell? Nose runs? Hey! You're upside-down! Felines... nothing more than felines... Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. Few great men could get past the Personnel Department. Few of us can stand prosperity -- someone else's. fflush and then wwash your hands. Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography. Fiddle: Friction of a horse's tail on a cat's entrails. FidoNet... That sure is a wierd name for a dog  Fight AIDS, not people with AIDS. Fight the Greenhouse Effect: PLANT TREES!!! Fight War Not Wars! Fighting for peace is like f***ing for virginity Fighting for peace is like screaming for quiet. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Figures won't lie, but liars will figure. File not found. Delete *.* and change directory? (Y/N)_ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N). File Not Found.....Loading something that looks similar. File not found: Loading something that looked similar. FILES=1 BUFFERS=0 FCBS=SAYWHAT BREAK=GIMME Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition FIRE FIRE FIRE... No, that's not right... RAPE RAPE RAPE FIRE!! BANG!! OOUUUCH!!!!! Whoops! Is anyone down range. Firmness in politics is called obstinacy in a donkey. First Cyberspace, next the world. First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin! First study the enemy.Seek weakness. First the mind goes, then..........can't remember... First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. First, we'll kill all the programmers Fish and visitors stink in three days. Fishing is a delusion surrounded by liars in old clothes. Fishing rod: a hook at one end, a fool at the other. Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue. Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs Flashlight........a place to keep dead batteries! Flattery is counterfeit money, circulated by vanity. Flattery is the sincerest form of lying. Flattery will get you everywhere! Keep talkin'. Flattery: Cologne water, to smell but not swallow. Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself. Floggings will continue til morale improves Floggings will continue until morale improves Floppy disk - A disk that flops Floppy Disk = Lower back trouble. FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine. Floppy Drive not ready. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N). Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N ? Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N ? _ Floppy not responding. Can you kiss it and make it well? Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N) FLOPPY: Condition of a user's stomach due to no exercise. FLOW CHART: Graphic picture of the fastest way to the can Flying saucers are real; the Air Force doesn't exist. Foat Wuth...I Luv Yew!!! Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do follow the yellow brick PATH Fonts and Typefaces: The more the merrier! Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Foolproof? Naw, fools are too ingenius! Fools rush in -- and get the best seats. Fools rush in where Fools have been before! Fools rush in where fools have been before. Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold For a good time call ޺۳ݳݳ For a photographer, life us just a bed of poses For address, send a SASE to..... For adult education, nothing beats children For all you do, this SCUD's for you. For every action, there is an equal and opposite critism. For every soul, you are bound to find a heel. For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used. For Sale: Dehydrated HO - $14 per quart For Sale: dining table with two legs and six toes. FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once. For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within. For some Reason, reality is an illusion. For some, reality is an illusion. For the finest in brain candy. For tomorrow I diet . . . For What It's Worth. Ford - fixed or repaired daily. :-) Ford - Found on roadside dead. :-) FORD = Fix Often, Repair Daily FORD = Found On Road Dead Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it. FORD: Fixed Or Repaired Daily. [grin] FORFEIT: What most animals stand on. Forget about the dog, Beware of my wife. Forget everything, as one day everything will forget you. Forget GUIs! Give me a C:\> and a keyboard. Forget patience! I'm gonna kill something... Forget RTFM - Call The Author At Home! Forget RTFM - Call The Author At Home! (@ 23:45) Forget the computer! Where's my abacus?? Forget the Joneses... I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS! Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the BUNDYS! Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS! Forget. Forgive me father for I have syned FORMAT C: Failed, Transfering Virus to d: ^C^C^C^C Format C:......OOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPSSSS! Format COMMANDR.DTA? (y/n?) Format Drive C:? (Y)es (O)kay (F)ine by me: Formatting Drive C: Press to abort... Fort Worth...Where the West Begins! Fortes fortuna adjuvat FORTH CREATE program that DOES> what is needed . ; Fortune vomits on my eiderdown yet again. Four and six a pound and him with a wooden leg? Four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant & Microwavable. Four minus two is one and the same. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn : C. Gable Free advice is worth what you pay for it Free cheese is found only in a mousetrap. Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last! freedom ... is a worship word... Freedom is a hard-bought thing - A gift no man can give. Freedom is Expensive, but worth it! Freedom is just chaos with better lighting. Freedom is something we take for granted. Freedom isn't cheap and it never goes on sale. Freedom of movement and choice produced the human spirit Friction can be a drag sometimes. Friction is a drag. Friday the 13th XXIV: Jason Takes the Enterprise Friend: Anyone who has the same enemies you have. Friendly Cookie Company (1:107/422) Friendly fire - ISN'T ! Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate! Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate Friends come and go, enemies accumulate Friends come and go, enemies accumulate. Friends come and go, enemies agglomerate Friends don't let friends drink and post. Friends don't let friends drive Fords Friends don't let friends drive foreign cars! Friends don't let friends drive Japanese cars. Friends don't let friends eat meat. Friends don't let friends pay retail. Friends don't let friends use Apples. Friends don't let friends use Prodigy Friends warm the world with Happiness Friends will come and go, but enemies always accumulate. Friends, Romans, Countrymen: lend me your noses Friendship is one soul in two bodies. Friendships are not always preserved in alcohol. Frogs are smart ... they EAT what bugs them. Frogs have it easy - They eat what bugs them. From Disk and all of the little Diskettes From Illinois at: 9:21 pm on 9/14/92. From Illinois at: 12:45 pm on 9/05/92. From KquestII "If I ever get that ^$%&#% Jester!!" From listening comes wisdom, from speaking, repentance. From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own. From The Church Of Logic, Sin And Love... From the Department of Redundancy Dept. From the Desk of the Happy Hacker... From the land of graft and corruption! Frosted Frosty Krusty Flakes: Only sugar has more sugar! ftar, awk, awk, yac, grep, go BERKELEY! FUBB -- Fouled Up Beyond Belief FUNDAMENTALISM is never having to open your mind. Funny how life imitates LSD... Funny, only sensible people agree with me. Further, higher, faster, onward, upward... Fhrvergngen: German for no leg room G=Guns, PG=Plenty of Guns, PG-13=More than 12 guns... Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. Game Blaster is NOT Adlib compatible. Gammaware (206) 830-0314 Garrett Whitney Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks. Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art. Gary Trudeau for President! Gee toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore... Gene Police! You! Out of the Pool! Gene Police...... YOU!! Out of the pool! NOW!! Gene Police: YOU! Out of the pool. Genealogy. Tracing descent from someone who didn't. Genealogy: tracing us back to the same brother and sister General Failure reading John Dvorak Generic security advice: "Always say no". GEnie Address G.EHRICH Genius doesn't work on an assembly line basis. Genius has its limits, but not stupidity Genius is the power of lighting one's own fire. Genius, like magic, is inexplicable. Genius: Guy with too many books to be a moron Genius: One who can do anything except earn a living. Gentlemen: Start your debuggers... Geologist -- Fault finder George Bush - the EDLIN of Presidents ! George Bush's '92 slogan: "I promise, no new leadership" George Bush: 'A New World Odor!' George Bush: the EDLIN of Presidents. George Orwell was an optimist. Georgia is NOT on my mind. Georgia REALLY sucks. Geraldo: Genetic experiment gone bad? Next on Oprah! German for constipation ... Farfrompoopin! German word for constipation : Farfrompoopin. German Word for Constipation: Farfrompooping! GET A HAIRCUT! Get a powerful right arm: subscribe to Playboy. Get a USR It leaves the others behind. Get back to your stations! Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up. Get me out of here, I hate it here, get me out of here Get some hair. Your brain has caught cold. Get stoned: Drink liquid cement. Get the facts first - you can distort them later! Get the straight poop -- subscribe to the STARgazer. Get thee down. Be thou funky. Get your dam finger out of your nose. Use a tissue! Get your kicks... Getting a second chance is never a certainty. Getting better - not older! Getting caught is the mother of invention. Getting all the time .... GIGO = Garbage in, gospel out Gimme a fried brain on drugs, bacon, toast, and jam... Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly. Girlfriend? Ya, a 25 Mhz 486 with 256k cache! Girlfriend? Yep, a 25 Mhz 486 with 256k cache! Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler. Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it. Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler. Give me liberty or give me Megadeth Give me patience . RIGHT NOW. Give me patience! RIGHT NOW! Give me water, and I'll burn it up Give sadists a fair crack at the whip. Give them all they want, and all they will want is more. Give up, you'll only live til you die. Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. Giving me shots for a thousand rare infections Gnaw the bone which has fallen to thy lot. GNET The Mystic Realms Vineland, NJ 609-691-3105 GNet: Open foot, Insert mouth, Echo international Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you! Go ahead, jump. 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong. Go Ahead.. We're cleared for wierd. Go bite the wall. Go for Baroque. Or at least get a Handel on it. Go For It! Go FORTH and C PASCAL play COBOL with an APL. Go Lemmings, Go!!! Go mba h dhuit. Go on, just hit me! ...Name:Esc, #:27, Rank:UL.. Go softly....it's dark out there God created women 'cause sheep can't cook God created women because sheep can't cook! God creates more horses asses than horses God dislikes money -- look who he gives it to. God does not play dice. God gave burdens shoulders also. God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. God heals & the doctor takes the fee-Poor Richard God heals and the doctor takes the fee. God heals, and the doctors take the fee God heals, but always someone else wants a fee. God I hate floppies. God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW! God invented women because sheep can't cook. God is alive - he just doesn't want to get involved. God is love... Love is blind... Ray Charles is God! God is real, unless declared integer God loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass. God made the first garden, Cain the first city. God made whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world? God made whisky to keep the Irish from ruling the world! God owes an apology to Sodom & Gomorrah God? I'm no god. God has mercy. GODISNOWHERE Godzilla's licence plate: I8NY Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes. Going the speed of light is bad for your age. going where no clusters have gone before. Gold medalist, freestyle conclusion-jumping event. Golden Rule: she who has the gold makes the rules. Golfer: A person who hits and tells. GolleeeEE, Sergeant Carter!! Gone Chopin, will be Bach in a Minuet. Gonna change my evil ways... One of these days... Good day to let down old friends who need help. Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!! Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success. Good morning! Is an opinion, not a greeting. Good printers do it without wrinkling the sheets. Good taste is the flower of good sense. Goodness has NOTHING to do with it..... Gort, klaatu borata nikto Gort: Klaatu Borada Nikto..... and don't forget it Gosh, I didn't know TEFLON could melt !! GOSUB:coffee;work;RETURN: Got ASIC PAL? Send a basic gw card. Got Kleptomania? Take something for it! Gotta have my Corn Pops... Gotta love me! Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer. Government for one, to hell with majority! Graduate, Whatsamatta U. School of Management Grammarians never die-they fall into a comma. Grandma got run over by a reindeer... Grant me the strength to ignore ignorance Grape nuts? What do they do with the rest of the grape? Grass is nature's way of saying "High!" Graveyards are full of the indispensable. Gravidity - what keeps you from floating off the planet. Gravity brings me down Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sux. Gravity doesn't exist: the earth sucks. Gravity is a law. Lawbreakers will be brought down! Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks. Gravity... Not just a good idea... IT'S THE LAW! Gravity: it's not just a good idea, it's the law! Great minds discuss ideas; Small ones, people Great minds travel in the same sewers. Greed is envy with its sleeves rolled up. Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works! Greed is good, greed works. Greed is the Walton's having another child Greenhouse, schmeenhouse -- I'm FREEZING! Greetings from beautiful downtown Workmans Corners Greetings from Hell....wish you were here. GREETINGS from ORLANDO, FLORIDA !!!!!!! Grinin' Like A Mule Eatin' Briars Gross National Product: A Big Mac. Ground Water. Do you mean crushed ice? Grow your own dope - Plant a male! Grow your own dope... plant a man Grow your OWN dope.......plant a MAN! Grow your own dope: Plant a politician! Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Growing old is manditory; growing up is optional Growing older is mandatory... growing up is optional! Grub first, then ethics. GUI: Grab the User In-the-face GUI? FUI! DOS prompt forever! Guinan's secret power: Her hat is a solar panel Guitar lessons? What else do you do? I fret a lot. Gun control is being able to hit your target! Gun control is hitting what you aim at. Gun Control isn't about guns. It's about control Gun Control means holding it in both hands. Gun Control-- Being able to hit the Target! Gun control: Keep the muzzle pointed at the target. Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target. Guns don't kill people.. I do. Guns don't kill people... death does. Guns don't kill people..., I KILL PEOPLE! Guns don't kill people; it's these little hard things! Guns don't kill. Fast-moving projectiles do. Guru to Deli man: Make me one with everything. GURU: One who knows more jargon than you. H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! H y! Wh r did my " " k y go? H*LL WITH THE EVIDENCE ...it's politically correct... h=6.626196 E-34 joule sec--it's the law. Hackito ergo sum. Hail to the Redskins! Hailing frequencies open, Captain. HAL 9000, you're pretty drunk aren't you Dave? Halitosis is better than no breath at all. Hams do it with frequency, till their gigahertz. Hams do it with more frequencies Hands up! Said the laser printer. Hangover: the mourning after the night before Happiness can't buy money! Happiness is a twit filter... Happiness is a warm gun. Happiness is a warm puppy - for a Vietnamese Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror. Happiness is Mandatory...Are you Happy? Happiness is no laughing matter. Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip. Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law on a milk carton. Happiness is usually measured in GigaBytes. Happiness is wanting what you have. Happiness is your favorite program moving to Windows Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!! Happiness seems so hard to win. Happiness will not buy money. Happy couple: A deaf husband and a blind wife. Happy Fun Ball! (still legal in 16 states) Happyness is Killing Orcs Harbor:place, safe from storms, ships face Customs Hard DISK? Gee lady, I misunderstood you. Hard drive = Mother-in-law in back seat. Hard Drive backup??? Who me....... HARD ERROR: Noisy Bug Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Hard work must have killed someone! Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it? Hard Work never killed anyone, so why chance it? HARDWARE: n. The part you kick. Hardware: The part you kick. Hardware: The part you kick. Software: this you corrupt! Hare Forsberg, Hare Forsberg, Proyam proyam, Hare Hare Krishna Hare 4DOS Harley riders never die... They move to Sturgis! Has anyone found my marbles? hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? Has history ever recorded a time when the maj. was right? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD! Hasta la vista, ...baby! Hasten to laugh at everything lest you be obliged to weep Hau gerta ez dadin, oihan-guteak geldi tatzu! Have a good day today and a better day tommorow Have a nice day JEFFERY Have a nice day, and a better tomorrow! Have a nice day. Have a vary nice DAY and a better Night !!!!!!!!!! Have an adequate day. Have an Electrician Check Your Shorts Have cursor, will curse. Have I sold out yet? Have no fear - I never attack lesser beings. Have Tardis, will travel. Have time to waste? Get Microsoft Windows 3.0! Have you clubbed an ignorant human today? Have you counted your Legos lately? Have you crashed your Windows today? Have you drug tested YOUR legislators today? Have you ever danced with the devil? Have you ever wanted to go home and kick the kids??? Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Have you hugged a porcupine today? Have you hugged a programmer today? Have you hugged an electric fence today? Have you hugged your computer lately? Have you hugged your logic probe today? Have you hugged your motherboard today? Have you hugged yourself lately? Have you IN FACT got any cheese here at all? Have you pushed a Ford lately? Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back! Have you tried YRWAY? Latest version is YRWAY1.ZIP Have you uploaded clip art today? Having a SIDEWINDER mean never having to say I'M SORRY! Having a SIDEWINDER means never having to say I'M SORRY! Having a wonderful time. Wish you were her Having problems with DOS?? Call 1-900-WHAAAAA Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate. Hawaii is as American as apple poi. He ain't heavy; he's a Shareware Author. He bellows like a cow standing on her tit. He cheats, but he's honest about it. He didn't really say THAT! Did he???? He does the work of 3 men. Moe, Larry & Curly He does the work of 3 men... Larry, Moe, & Curly. He does the work of 3 Men...Moe, Larry & Curly HE doesn't work, but he's pretty ugly. He got a piece of my mind, a tiny as it is.... He has a train of thought. You have a tricycle... He has too many lice to feel an itch. He has Van Gogh's ear for music. He is a self-made man, and worships his creator. He is a sheep in sheep's clothing. He is no dummy. He is my programmer! He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. He is not only dull within, but causes dullness without. He is the most sensible looking man talking nonsense. He isnt dead; He's electroencephalographically challenged He nust have made a macro of my signature He ran for the curb, but I bagged him before he made it. He said "ENQ?". "NAK!", she replied. He says a thousand pleasant things, but never "Adieu." He talks of peace if it is the only way to live. He wants a shoe horn, the kind with teeth He Was A Low Down, Cheap Little Punk! (YEAH PUNK!) He was so ugly, the tide wouldn't go out with him He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. He who dies with the most access, wins. He who dies with the most software WINS! He who dies with the most toys is nevertheless DEAD! He who dies with the most toys is still DEAD! He who dies with the most toys, dies. He who dies with the most toys--is dead. He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD! He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. He who hesitates is constipated. He who hesitates is last. He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear. He who hesitates.........miss'es out !!! He who laughs last doesn't get the joke. He who laughs last is probably your boss! He who laughs last is S-L-O-W. He who laughs last probably made a backup. He who laughs last usually has more ammo. He who Laughs, Lasts. He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands. He who lives by the sword laughs last. He Who Made kittens - Put Snakes In The Grass !! He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end! He who shouts the loudest has the floor. He who slings mud loses ground. He who talks too much commits a sin. He who throws mud loses ground He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck. He's a few fries short of a "Happy Meal". He's a SOB -- but at least he's *our* SOB. He's dead Jim! He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet. He's dead Jim. Spock got his tricorder; I got his spleen. He's dead Jim... Grab his wallet! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim... You take his phaser, I get his wallet. He's dim, Jed He's got a magnet! Everbody BACKUP! He's got a magnet!!! Backup! Backup! Backup! He's mostly dead jim, get Miracle Max He's NOT the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy! He's so far behind he thinks he's first. Heads I win... DITTO tails Heads, up Boise! Incoming spuds! Health is the slowest possible rate to die Hear both sides before judging. heard the joke about the sidewalk? it's all over town! Heather: Get drunk and tip cows. Heaven don't want me, & hell's afraid I'll take over. Heck no I ain't broke, Just badly bent. Heh! I'll get you and your little dog, too! Heisenberg may have been here. Heisenberg might have been here Heisenberg might have been here.... Hell hath no fury like a democrat scorned. Hell hath no fury like lawyer of a woman scorned Hell hath no pizza Hell Hath No Pizza. Hell is kept warm with profane burners HELL WITH JUSTICE, LYNCH THE @#$%^&! Hell, if you understood everything I said, you'd be me! Hell: it's like going to the tropics, but hotter! Hello and welcome to Personality Disorder Theatre. Hello little girl, want some candy? Hello sailor Hello World !! Hello, I am part number **************** Hello, I am part number 271828182845904523536028747135266 Hello, I am part number ޺۳ݳݳ Hello, I am part number ޺۳ݳݳ. Hello, I'm Michelangelo. I want your HD NOW!! Hello, Microsoft? Are there any problems with DOS? Hello, Microsoft? HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP! Hello, my serial number is޺۳ Hello, Phone Company? It's about my bill... Hello, sailor! Hello, this is Ed McMahon. If you are our preselected... Hello...Incontinence Hotline.. Can you hold? Help A Derelict Democrat Get A New Job On Nov 12 Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative. Help me if you can I'm feelin' dooown . . . Help me! I'm rusting!!! Rusting!!! Help me! I've fallen and I can't beam you up! Help Me! I've Fallen, Spock, And I Can't Beam Up! Help stamp out and abolish redundancy! Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you! Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you. Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy! Help the economy! Buy me something! Help the economy...buy something expensive Help the economy...buy something here !! Help you out? Certainly! Which way did you come in? Help! I'm trapped in an encrypted ZIP! Send ZIPCRACK! Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap. Help! I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe. Help! I've been Slimed! Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years... HELP! I've crashed...AND I CAN'T BOOT UP! Help! I've fallen on the floor and I'm rolling! Help! I've fallen and can't get up. Help! I've fallen down....and I can't reach my beer! Help! I've tripped and I can't come down! HELP! My hard drive crashed & I can't boot up HELP! Protect America's children, soil, and water today. Help! The Smurfs in my HD just went on Strike Help!! I hit the power switch and it didn't die HELP!! PaPa Smurf In My CPU Died... HELP!!!! This computer is taking over my life!!!! Help!, The TD has fallen and it can't get up! Help,,,my (S)ex drive just crashed!!! Help..I Need SomeBODY!!! Hepaticocholecystostcholecystenterostomy Here - have a jelly baby! Here I run, to steal the secret of the sun. Here I sit with a worm on my tongue! "Baited Breath!" Here I sit, in a tizzy; all my favorite boards are busy Here is my fist, please run towards it very fast. Here Strange ain't Strange!!! It Normal!! Here today, dawn tommorow. Here today, dawn tomorrow. Here today, gaunt tomorrow. Here we go again Here's Looking At You, Kid Here, here, well spoken Bruce! Here, there........and everywhere...... Heredity: If your parents had no kids, you won't. Hero-worship: Idol gossip. Hey ... I don't REMEMBER XXX programs in the holodecks .. Hey Expert, ..It works better if you plug it in! Hey Jim, Are we there yet? Hey Pee Wee, Button your fly! Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat! Hey Rocky, watch me pull a tribble out of my hat. Hey Underpants, I'm talking to YOU! Hey Vanilla Ice! Meet Mr. Halite! Hey Wally! Come look at this. Hey you kids, .......get out of that Jello tree! Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone! HEY! Stop reading me!!! Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park! Hey! This is just like the REAL world! Hey! Who put this here!?! Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! Hey! Who uncorked my bottle of lunch? Hey! Your Trakball is upside down! Hey! There's a pubic hair in my Coke!! Hey!! When in Doubt Whip it Out!!!! Hey, Rev. Baker, how the {CENSORED} are you?!?  Hey, whats that beeping noise? Wheres that smoke comi Hey, who spilled coffee on my keyboard?! Hey, your buffer's open... Hi! I can't remember your name either. Hi, I'm Chip. Micro Chip. Eight-o-three-eighty-six! Hi, JOE. I have just 232K left! Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, its off to the institution I go! Hi. My name is Rover, I'll paint your car yellow free. HIC! HLLP I'M STUSCT IN BOOOZZZE WAREHUSE HICK: A person who goes to a family reunion to meet girls Hick: Looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. High message: 943432. Message you last read: 59. Higher versions mean more bugs found... Hindsight is always 20:20. Hindsight is an exact science. Hips or lips: Let your conscience be your guide... Hire teenagers while they still know everything. His face was filled with broken commandments. History - the mistakes that we cannot avoid in the future History is a set of lies agreed upon by the Victors History is a set of lies agreed upon. History repeats itself because nobody listens History tends to exaggerate. Hmmm, When is the last time the Tooth Fairy visited you? Hmmm. Impossible puzzle. Get the paradox eliminator! Hmmmm, let's see, where'd I put my memory... HO! Ho! Ha-Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Hobo: A person who builds palaces and lives in shacks. Hollow chocolate has no calories Hollow chocolate has no calories. Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. Hollywood: A trip through a sewer in a glass bottom boat. Holodeck! The next best thing to being there..... Holy Smokes!...."the church is on fire!" Home is where the computer is plugged in. Home Maker. Must be some sort of construction. Home of DoorPch, the QB3 door I/O library Home of the Pig Stye Homework time limit exceeded. Auto logon in effect. Homo sum; humani nihil a me alienum puto. Honest honey, I was at the office! Honest Ma, I got it from a toilet seat... Honest Politician: One who stays bought. Honest the dog ate my .REP packet! Honest! It's only a cold sore! Honesty is the best image. Honesty is the worst policy (is this MR policy?) Honesty is the worst policy. Honesty pays, but not enough for some. Honesty pays, but not enough to satisfy some people. Honesty: Fear of being caught. Honey in the mouth and knives in the heart. Honey, I'll be down in 10 minutes, I promise this time. Honey, PLEASE don't pickup the p Honey,just one more message...I really MEAN it this time! Honeymoon - the morning after the knot before. Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing. Honeymoon: time between "I do" and "you'd better" Honk if you love peace and quiet. Honk if you're illiterate Honk if you're illiterate. Hope -- I always thought that was a human failing, Spock. Horn busted! Watch for finger... Horn busted! Watch for finger........ Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. Horse's can't fly! Horse feathers... Hospitals: Places where the run down wind up. Hot air sometimes thaws out a cold reception. Hot as a pistol but cool inside Hot as Vulcan. Hotel: A place you give good dollars for bad quarters. Hours can be centuries House physician - a misnomer for a carpenter/repairman. Housework done properly, can kill you Houston! do you read. How about a pin the missile on the Iraqi leader game? How am I supposed to know what a rhetorical question is? HOW can I be OVERDRAWN if I still have CHEQUES left??? How can I fail when I have no purpose??? How can I miss you if you won't go away. How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? How come wrong numbers are never busy? How did How did I get round from eating square meals? How did this ugly woman get in my bed? How dieth the wise man? As the fool. How do humans manage to exist in these fragile cases? How do I get my words to RIME ? How do I set my Laser Printer to "Stun"? How do I set my phaser printer on stun? How do I spell "relief"? E-X-L-A-X. How do they get teflon to stick to the pans? How do you bare it, this loneliness? How do you chew the eraser off of your text editor?? How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? How do you get holy water?... Boil the hell out of it! How do you know it's summer in Seattle? The rain's warmer How do you know when you have run out of invisible ink? How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder! How do you pronounce my name? With reverence. How do YOU spell computer? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog! How long will a floating point operation float? How many acrylics died to make that sweater? How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin? How many days till Christmas? How many people work here? About half How many times do you need to be tolled anyway? How many weeks are there in a light year? How many wings does a cow have? -Tacky the Penguin How much can I get away with and still go to heaven. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? How much memory have you got? One brain, one memory. How much to downgrade to Turbo C-- ? How much wood did Peter Piper pick..No wait.. How the hell does this thing work? How time flies, when you are in a heap of problems.. How to get rich books are now filed under FICTION. How to hack a Computer: Step 1: Take axe and... How to make your own XT compatible: Run windows on a 486 How to solve Mideast problems: DEL IRA*.* How to tune a ukulele: My DOS has fleas How will be live? How will I laugh tomorrow when I can't even smile today How ya going to do it? IBM Blue it! How ya like me now? How you gonna do it? SLiMeR It! How you know when you have run out of invisible ink? How'd ya like to make $14 the hard way? How're you going to do it? Upgrade It! Howdy Doody had 48 freckles. Howdya (bweek) turn (bweek) off(bweek) Exploding Windows? HS/Link # 01222 Hug: A roundabout way of expressing affection. HUGO was a wimp compared to Desert Storm. Hum be doo wap bap boo da doo bop bop bop dop Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing. Human beings do not survive on bread alone ... Human Error - It's all ***YOUR*** fault. Humanity is a parisite Humans are very peculiar. Humans smile with so little provocation. Humble pie is always hard to swallow with your pride. Humbled again by overlooking the obvious Humility is no substitue for a good personality! Humpty Dumpty DOS - Just a shell of himself. Humpty Dumpty was pushed! - Oliver Stone. Hungry moms choose food. Hunting is sport; your foe just isn't aware he's playing. Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got. Hypocrisy is the type of homage vice pays to virtue. I  message database managers. I  My Dog. I  My Cat. I  My Wife. I  days. I  WP I  my dog.... I 'C' said the blind man. I **TRIED** to register it! I *wish* I could remember where I parked my hard disk.... I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical. I always get my muckin words fuddled I always like to try the one I've never tried before. I ALWAYS use your stinky cat LITTER! LOOK how I LOVE IT!! I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I kept I always wear real fur- The cats sleep on the laundry! I am ޺۳ݳݳ -- Welcome to our NEW AGE I am a person of color: My color is White I am a vampire. Please wash your neck. I am an atheist still. ......Thank God! I am both of us & so are you. I am correct, the rest of you are wrong! I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. I am free of prejudices. I hate everyone equally. I am functioning within established parameters. I am going to live forever, or die trying! I am here. Wish you were fine! I am in total control, but don't tell my husband. I am in total control, but don't tell my wife! I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. I am not a dictator. It's just I have a grumpy face. I am not a liar, er, lawyer I am not a number, I am a free man! I am not an animal! I am ... well, not an animal. I am NOT and animal! NOT! I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you. I am not arguing with you; I am telling you I am not arguing with you; I am telling you. I am NOT Paranoid! And why are you always watching me?? I am not young enough to know everything. I am old! I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. I AM standing. I am sweet and lovable at all times. I am the Passion; I am the Warfare. I am waiting for my winning Lotto ticket I am wealthy in my friends. -Shakespeare I am. Therefore, I think. I think. I apologise to the deaf for the loss of subtitles. I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke I attend Cedarupanz Flying School, Deadwood, MD. I Avoid Cliches Like The Plague! I be nibble, you be quick, he jumped over the Joystick. I believe in a god which doesn't need heavy financing I bet Patch drinks Carling Black Label! I bet you I could stop gambling. I blinked, therefore I ran. I bought a cordless extension cord. I bought dehydrated water... but I don't know what to add I bought some batteries today, but they weren't included. I brake for programmers, but not too hard. I brake for Unicorns. I Bring Great Joy:In the city of Dave is Born, A baby Boy I C, therefore I link (and think, and drink) I came, I saw, I charged it! I came, I saw, I confused. I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES! I came, I signed, THEY didn't understand. I can be convinced of ANYthing. With logic. I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries I can levitate birds, but nobody cares. I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to! I can resist anything but temptation. I can resist everything except temptation. I can resist everything/anything except temptation. I can see more on my knees than on my tiptoes I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving. I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol. I can write it perfectly; I just don't understand it. I can't be broke I still have checks! I can't be out of money! I have checks left! I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left! I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks! I can't be stupid, I completed third grade! I can't believe my computer's on fire. I can't diet for medical reasons, it makes me HUNGRY! I can't find the 'ANY' key! I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear. I can't help it if I'm lucky... I can't remember if I used to know that.< I can't seem to find time to procrastinate ... I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse. I carry a pistol 'cause my rifle won't fit the holster. I carry the dust of a journey... - ELP I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!! I come from a long line of progenitors. I compacted my editor but my messages are no smaller? I compute, therefore IBM I confess! I've been peeing in the sink! I could be arguing in my spare time. I could prove God statistically. I could show you my favorite obsession. I couldn't care less about apathy. I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less. I Cry Your Pardon, Gunslinger. I despise WINDOWS! I did all that with EDLIN. No, really! I did not win...I busted him up  Data I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules! I didn't do anything--unless I was supposed to. I didn't do it nobody saw me you can't prove anything! I didn't get the documentation for the manuals! I didn't know who or where I was, never felt better in my li I didn't wake up grouchy, I let her sleep this morning. I didn't wake up grouchy, I let her sleep. I Disclaim All Warranties Of Merchantability I distinctly remember forgetting that. I do a lot of research, especially in ladies apartments. I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. I do not pretend to know what the ignorant are sure of. I do not want green eggs and ham! I do the work of 3 men. Moe, Larry & Curly I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture. I don't call 911. I don't do Mondays!! I don't do mornings... I don't get ulcers, but I am a carrier. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. I don't have a solution but I really admire the problem. I don't have the solution, but I admire the problem. I don't kill, I maim PERMANENTLY!!! I don't know how I got here.... I don't know what I like, but I know what art is. I don't know what it is, but it's in great condition! I don't know, but it happened. I don't know. I don't like money - but it quiets my spirit. I don't mind stealing bread from the mouths of decadence I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company. I don't need no stinking corn in my beer I don't normally drink and I'm not normally normal. I don't think we are in DOS anymore, Toto. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, toto! I don't trust men who smile too much. I don't wake up grouchy. I let her sleep in. I don't wanna, I don't wanna.....Aw zipit kid... I don't want it now, I bloody well want it RIGHT now! I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now! I don't want it Now, or Right Now, I want it YESTERDAY! I don't want the world, I just want your half. I don't want to play coach - we're losing.. I dont nead no speling cheker! I dont read these either... I drink beer I don't collect cute bottles I drink to make other people interesting. I drink, therefore I am. I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me! I em a wuunderfull spelur. I tipe vari gud two. I even reformatted it, but I still can't read my file?! I even tried to reformat it, but still can't read my fi I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. I feel like a three-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind. I feel like the morning after.. but I had no night before I feel more like I do now than I did before I started I feel much better since I gave up hope. I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late I finally got it all together, but forgot where I put it I find myself beside a stream of empty thought I float like an anchor and sting like a moth. I forget I fought the lawn and the lawn won... I found the tests quite elementary. Data I frequently have my doubts. I gave it up until Lent I gave up on my wife, and married my computer. I give advice worth the price....free! I give up, what is the meaning of life? I go to work to catch up on my sleep.... I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat! I got my act together and forgot where I put it! I gotta me a lobotomy. I guess a cynic smells different. I had a dislocated funny bone, but it's better now I had my head examined. They didn't find *anything*! I hate it when that happens! I hate it when the Version number ends in .00 I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. I have .25 Clusters per Sector. I have a feeling this isn't Kansas, Toto! I Have A Mind Like A Steel ... Uh ... Thingamajig ... I have a photographic memory What's your name again??? I have a speech impediment... my foot. I have a watch cat! Just break in and she'll watch. I have already not made that point I have an attitude and I know how to use it. I have an open mind: my brains keep falling out. I have dynamic memory, it needs refreshing... I have given my pain a name..!! I have NOT lost my mind, it's backed up on tape someware. I have one word for you, Mrs. Troi: VD. Look into it. I have seen the data...now bring me some I can agree with I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence! I have seen the future and it is now the past. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense! I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse! I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on tape somewhere! I haven't lost my mind--it's backed up on floppies I haven't lost my mind...It's backed up somewhere! I haven't lost my mind..It must be backed-up somewhere. I hear radio waves in my head. I hear what you're saying but I just don't care. I hope I'm that frail when I am 202 years old. Picard I idiot-proof my programs,but along comes a bigger idiot. I imagine, therfore I might be I is knot dain bramaged! I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? I just got a new car for my girlfriend....Great trade.... I just got my AT&T bill. Buy stock! I just got pulled over by the LAPD, and boy am I beat! I just got pulled over by the LAPD, and boy, am I beat. I just hate it when it does that !! I just steal 'em, I don't explain 'em. I just tested out my pitbull. Ever heard a mime scream? I keep my .BAT files in C:\BELFRY I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY. I knew I shoulda taken that left at Albuquerque I know a heartache when I see one. I know everything about everything, except that. I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once. I know nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooothing. I know silence is golden, I've invested in silver... I know the combination to your locked baud rate.. I know this world needs help. I laugh at "paid programs" I left my tart in Aunt Fran's Crisco. I let my mind wander once...it never came back. I like a person who operates at a 90 angle to reality. I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat! I like children, if they are properly cooked! I like my steak MIDIum rare... I like my steak so rare a good Vet. could save it. I like overkill. I like to leave messages *before* the beep. I like to reminisce with people I don't know. I like to think of myself as a divide overflow. I like two kinds of women: domestic and foreign. I like women with big... HEARTS! YEAH! THAT's it! I like young girls. Their stories are shorter. I like your approach, now let's see your departure. I like -made . I liked that one I listen to Paul and Al in the morning.... I live in a house, but belong in a HOME. I live the life of Riley...when Riley isn't home. I look better on a woman! I lost a button hole today. I lost my knickers at Niagara. I love my job! I love my job! I love my job! I love my... I love my wife and my Turbo C, sure miss her I love New York! * * * No Radio I love you Sooo Much, ...When Your Far Far Away I lurk quietly and carry a big OFF/ON switch. I luvs ya, but everyone else thinks you're an ass. I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum. I M uh tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum. I Made A Mental Note, But Forgot Where I Put It ... I made it foolproof. They are making better fools! I may be fat--but you're ugly, and I can diet I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up I may be stupid, but that still makes me smarter than you I may be SynThetic, But, ...I'm not sutpid. I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid. I may be wrong, but I'm never in doubt! I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. I may have settled in shipping. I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong! I may not be perfect, but I am all I got! I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent. I may not be smart, but I'm dumb... I met the girl of my dreams and didn't have the bar fine I met your parents yesterday: they're pretty nice GUYS! I miss Auntie Em so much!.....ToTo I missed my Mom . . . then I reloaded . . . I multitask... I read in the bathroom! I multitask...I read on the toilet. I must be BLIND because I sure don't 'C' I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night. I need a drink...where's the SPACE BAR? I Need back issues of RolePlayer. R/O ->INNPARK I need everything; do you have it?? I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. I never liked you, and I always will I never met a chocolate I didn't like! I never met a Lasagna I didn't like! I never metaphysics I didn't like I never rise above the noise and confusion... I never wake up grouchy. I always let her sleep. I no wanna work...I wanna bang on keyboard... I only drink when I'm alone or with someone. I only use YALE graphics. I only wrote the thing, I don't have to understand it! I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go. I own Seagates, want to make something of it? I parked my hard disk - and got a ticket!!! I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it! I parked my Hard Disk...now I can't find it. I parked my harddisk - and got a ticket! I played poker w/ tarot cards-got a flush & 5 people died I played poker with tarot cards: got a flush and five people I post.......... I am I practic Ancient Art of .357 Magnum I practic Ancient Art of .45 AUTO I practice moderation to excess. I prefer a bottle in front of me I prefer fiction to reality; fiction has to make sense! I Print on Steel with an Industrial Laser I prithee, take thy fingers from my throat... I program, therefore I exist. I PROMISE - I won't upload in your mouth! I promise results, not promises. I put spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone ... I read it on RIME, so it must be true. I read it on the Continuum I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person I remember me... I think. I run a clean place. Guinan I said, "Copy the disk!" not "Xerox it!" I saw a lot of trees today; and they were made of wood. I saw what you did and I know who you are. I saw what YOU did!!!! I saw, I came, I cleaned it up. I see another red eyed morning coming. I See Your Face Printed On My Money I shan't elaborate. I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die... I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a child. I slept with Joe Isuzu <- she's lying I slit my throat on the cutting edge of technology. I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it? I snatch kisses. (and vice versa) I speak of rights! A machine has none! A man must. I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. I stepped on a Tetanus needle today..... now what? I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving! I still miss my exwife, but my aim is getting better... I store my nuts in my cheeks for the winter. I support drug tests. Test the politicians. I SUPPORT FREE Speech! Only, IF you agree with me. I support MERIT PAY for Politicians. I survived the Phoenix Sun. It's a dry heat. Yah Sure! I t#ld yo#, "Never#touch #he flop#y disk s#rface!" I thimk I've finally got this ficts, fics, fixd.... I think ... therefore I am overqualified. I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had! I think I think, therefore I might be. I think I think, therefore I think I am... I think? I think I'll end it all, Sue sighed. I think I'm having an indentical crisis. I think I've got a headache..... I think that I'm the friendliest guy in my zipcode. I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell I think we're supposed to READ the messages... :) heh heh I think, therefore I am, I think I think, therefore I am. I think. I think, therefore I am. (Or am I?) I think, therefore I am... I think. I think, therefore I scan. I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. I think................I am paid. I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong... I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken. I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken. I thought that you thought... must be mistaken. I thought you were dead... I told her, "Like (*&^%$# you are!" I took a Targa once and saw 16 million colors! I tried making OJ from concentrate, but I got a headache. I tried OS/2 once, but I didn't inhale. I tried switching to gum but couldn't keep it lit. I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit! I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. I tried the rest but bought the best!!!! I tried the rest but bought the best!!!! R:BASE! I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. I tryed to draw a picture of my shadow but it kept moving I twaught I twall a pussy cat, I did! I did! I understand your concerns. Request denied. Data I use windows...on my car, on my house, but not on my... I use Windows...on my car, on my house, on my... I used to be a sci fi fan. Then I started living it. I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure. I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're alright now. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. I used to have a life, then I got an HST ! I used to have a life. Now I have windows 3.0 I used to have a life... Now I have a computer! I used to have a life; now I have RelayNet. I used to have a Tandy, but I got better! I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser. I used to use QEdit! but now it's SLME for me! I wake near the end of the day. I wanna see 'em explode in every zip code! I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option. I want a warm bed and a kind word - and unlimited power. I want it all or nothing. Or maybe some. I want to have Michelle Pfeiffer's baby I want to live forever. . .so far, so good. I want to live with a synonym girl... I want........a shrubbery! I warn you not to underestimate my powers. I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep. I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a bookmark...... I was on a roll, till I slipped on the butter. I was once too clever by half; only about 10% any more... I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now I was the kid next door's imaginary friend I was walking in someone else's sleep last night. I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone. I wasn't there; I didn't do it; you can't prove it. I wave my private parts at your auntie I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days! I will choose Freewill - Rush I will defend to your death my right to my opinion. I will fight for your right to your wrong opinion. I will instruct you on Enterprise etiquette. Worf I will not panic I will not panic I will not Panic I will not Xerox my butt -- Bart Simpson I WILL procrastinate, if I can just get started! I will stand in the trash, with my hopes and dreams. I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body. I wish humans would leave me alone! Arc, Arc I wish I could step on this program's bug. I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. - Seger I wish I REALLY knew what I was doing. I wish life had a scroll-back buffer. I wish life had a scroll-back buffer..... I wish my M-5 had 4DOS... I wish scripts would do what I think I tell them I wish there was something interesting to read down here I wish you humans would leave me alone. I won't use Windows, I won't use Windows, I won't.... I wonder how humanity managed to survive? I Wonder What The Big Red Button Does....? I wonder why you park in a driveway and drive on parkway. I wonder, does Barbera Bush spit or swallow? I would have suffered a lot more if understood. I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't. I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass. I would say more, but I'm limited to 45 chara I would strongly oppose apathy, if I cared... I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. (BOREALIS) I wouldn't Perstor my mother-in-law! I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole! I [] CorelDRAW! v. 2.0! I [] My Cat. I [] My Cat. I [] My Dog. (Would you [] my ex-wife ?) I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat. I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat. I [] My baby seal. I [] My Dog. I [8] My Cat. I [] My TomCat!. I [] QEdit! I [] TheDraw v. 4.0! I [] Ventura Publisher! I ['d] My Dog. I ['d] My Cat. I [] My Cat. Have you done yours?? I [HEART] MY [DOGHEAD] -- Enigmatic Bumper Sticker I'd be a narcissist, but I'm WAY too ugly. I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!!!! I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on the last one. I'd like to get some sleep before I travel I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back.. I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential. I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops. I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma. I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke. I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular. I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini. I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together. I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV. I'd love to, but my patent is pending. I'd love to, but none of my socks match. I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force. I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are. I'd offer everyone a Twinkie, but I'm not hostes I'd rather be bicycling. I'd Rather Be Computing Than COMMUTING! I'd rather be lucky than good anyday!... I'd rather be rich than good-looking! I'd rather be rich! I'd rather have a 3.5" hard one than a 5.25" floppy one I'd rather wear out than rust out. I'd tell you more more, but you might blush. I'de enjoy the ride, If I knew what it was? I'll backup my Hard Drive tomor*(&^)*98&^^... I'll be all right when the swelling goes down I'll be back. I'll be back... maybe! I'll be there in 20 minutes or 2 minutes on my AT! I'll byte your bits if you'll nibble my words I'll byte your bits if you'll nybble my words I'll deal with today tommorrow. I'll do anything to lose EXCEPT diet or exercise! I'll do it when I remember what it was! I'll eat anything that's BRIGHT BLUE!! I'll get to it on the 2nd Tuesday of next week. I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too! I'll get you yet, you kwazy wabbit ! I'll have this one, one more and another I'll have what the guy in the casket had. I'll have what the guy on the floor is having. I'll make you famous. I'll never forget the....uhh...the...never mind! I'll never forget Ummm, ....What's-Her-Name? I'll never forget what's-his-name. I'll quit procrastinating when I get around to it. I'll show you MY fax number if you show me YOURS... I'll try anything once too often. I'll try anything once too often I'm a analog man in a digital world I'm a brain in a vat. Are you one too? I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum! I'm a fragment of your imagination I'm a Freud I can't do that. I'm a good organizer: one who is very careful to plan ahe I'm a great lover.......I bet I'm a hero with coward's legs. I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK! I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. I'm a perfectionist with other people's work. I'm a soldier, not a diplomat.I can only tell the truth. I'm against lipstick ... as often as possible. I'm amazed, that it works at all. I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me! I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking. I'm ANN LANDERS!! I CAN shoplift!! I'm apathetic and I don't care. I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol. I'm as innocent as a new-laid egg. I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. I'm back!!!!!!! I'm Buster Brown and I live in a shoe! I'm easy to please as long as I get my way. I'm easy to please, as long as I get my way. I'm excited about QFRONT! Ask Ed G about it! I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. I'm Fat. Your Ugly. I can Diet !! I'm fixin a hole where the rain gets out. I'm FLYING!, I'm FLYING! >THUD< I'm from the IRS, and I'm here to help you. I'm going to dread one day at a time. I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you? I'm grinning from 'ere to 'ere I'm having an old friend for dinner.-- H. Lecter I'm having an out of money experience.... I'm having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle I'm immortal. I'm bored. Let's party. I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Dont Walk I'm in here for being crazy, not stupid. I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere? I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it? I'm in total control, but don't tell my wife. I'm incredibly jealous, but still glad for you. I'm innocent and haven't been read my rights! I'm Jewish, and Shabtai Zvi will return! I'm just about finished, just a coulple more seconds... I'm just looking at your nametag, honest! I'm just visiting. My REAL planet is sane. I'm leaving my body to science fiction. I'm leaving my body to science fiction... I'm like a bad TSR; I keep popping up! I'm looking for lust in all the wrong places I'm lost! Can you help?.... I'm making a career of evil. I'm married to a Computer Widow! I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me. I'm more humble than you are! I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes. I'm multitasking, not multiuser. Tell my boss I'm neither for, nor against apathy I'm nervous and my socks are too loose. I'm new and whats all this then? I'm NOT 36..I am 18 with 18 years experience! I'm NOT 40... I am 18 with 22 years experience! I'm not a crook; I'm "ethically challenged." I'm not a stranger, only a friend you haven't met. I'm not a supreme being. Picard I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV. I'm not arguing with you; I'm telling you.. I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT! I'm not as dumb as you look. I'm not as think as you drunk I am! I'm not as think as you stoned I am. I'm not as thunk as you drink I am. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. J.Rabbit I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent. I'm not crazy, I just don't give a s#1t I'm not crazy, I'm chlorinated I'm not dishonest, just morally different! I'm not even going to ignore that. I'm not fat just horizontially disproportionate. I'm not getting fatter ! Just thickening with age I'm NOT laughing at you....... I'm laughing NEAR you! I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished I'm not lost - I'm just locationally I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am. I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged." I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm Not Old! I'm Chronologically Disadvantaged. I'm not old, I'm chronologically gifted. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I'm not paranoid,it's just that everyone's out to get me! I'm not perfect just D$#n close!!! I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things. I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged". I'm not schizophrenic - It's this guy sitting beside me! I'm not Schizophrenic! Yes I am! No I'm Not!Who are You? I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I. I'm not schizophrenic, I'm "multi-faceted" I'm not schizophrenic,I'm multi-faceted! I'm not short - I'm altitudinally challenged! I'm not tense, just terribly *A*L*E*R*T* I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T!! I'm Not Very Smart But I Can Lift Really Heavy Things! I'm not young enough to know everything... I'm not..no I am..no, I'm NOT indecisive. Am I? I'm now running a "re-engineered" 20 MHz SX! I'm on the Bleeding Edge of Technology! I'm on the crest of a slump. I'm only telling you this for your own good... I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? I'm outstanding in my field (left field) knee deep in BS I'm perfectly sane. Aliens told me so. I'm pink therefore I'm spam. I'm pink, therefore I'm spam I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM. I'm responsible for the MOTHER of all screw-ups! I'm right 90% of the time--why quibble over the other 3%? I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I'm schizophrenic, What are you? I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention. I'm so close to hell I can almost see Vegas! I'm SO confused!!! I'm so poor, I can't even pay attention. I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins. I'm sorry - my karma just ran over your dogma I'm sorry my karma ran over your dogma! I'm sorry, you are not cleared for that information. I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. I'm still searching for myself. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid you're just a mirage. I'm the guy with one star, 2 G's, 2 Nodes and one Saviour I'm the one your mother warned you about... I'm the person your mother warned you about. I'm thinking! I'm thinking! I'm too old and incontinent-oops-incompetent I'm too simple to have a complex ... So I have a simplex. I'm trying to find myself. Anyone seen me lately? I'm turning you in to the SPCA! I'm user friendly, I don't byte -- I nybble. I'm usually awake near the end of the day I'm waiting for Windows v4.0! I'm wobbling and I can't fall down! Weeble I've already told you more than I know. I've always wanted to make love to an alien. I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force. I've dialed and I can't hang up! I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP !! I've fallen out and I can't get in! I've fallen... and can't BOOT up! I've got 256K of RAM, so why can't I run Windows 3.0? I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called? I've got a tall pointy hat! I've got morals. I just don't know where they are. I've Got my Coffee, what else do I need.... I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. I've had a hard drive, think I'll crash. I've had BETA days ... and nights! I've had BETA days ... and nights!!! I've had fun before. This isn't it. I've never seen a good war or a bad piece! I've plummeted to my death and I can't get up! I've seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence... I've seen the future.. and I can't afford it. I've Told You A Million Times, Don't Exaggerate! I've turned my Laserjet into a death ray! I've upped my standards, so now....UP YOURS!!! I've upped my standards, SO UP YOURS! I)gnore, R)eboot, or C)all Laura Palmer IBM - Making Tomorrow's Mistakes Today!!! IBM = Ice Box Machines IBM computers: Inferior But Marketable IBM is 99.8% compatible...With Compaq 386 Pro IBM PS/1 - The EDLIN of Computers! IBM PS/1 ? - A Prodigy Workstation ! IBM stands for "Inferior But Marketable" IBM, UBM, we all BM - pass the paper. IBM: It's Broken, Man IBM: Computers for those too tense to relax! IBM: I've Been Misled IBM: Inertia Breeds Mediocrity IBM: Inveigled By Microsoft. IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive. IBM: U can buy better, but U can't pay more IBM: When you care enough to spend the very most. IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more IBM? [I]ncredibly [B]oring [M]anuals. If 1st you dont succeed:Rewrite it from scratch If "R" is Reverse, how come "D" is FORWARD? if ( !broke ) don't_fix(); if ( original_ver == OK ) don't_upgrade(); If (Dog_bark = true) then letter:=arrived; if (horny(you_are)==YES) honk(); if (output == CRAP) eat_words(); IF (User-Docs) = 1 THEN;(CALL(TechSupport)) If 1st you dont succeed, rewrite it from scratch if a = b and b = c, then we've got a messed up alphabet If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? If a program is useful, it must be changed. If a tree fell on a florist, would he/she make a sound? If all goes well, you've overlooked something! If all the ladies bend over, I would be very happy. If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail If an experiment works, something has gone wrong If anyone has an idea why do I this, keep it to yourself If at 1st you don't succeed, call it v1.0. If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. If at first you don't succeed, *.* & forget it If at first you don't succeed, call it V1.0 If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0! If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0 If at first you don't succeed, cry a lot. If at first you don't succeed, cry. If at first you don't succeed, DEL *.* and forget it. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you If at first you don't succeed, don't sky dive! If at first you don't succeed, fake it!! If at first you don't succeed, forget it. If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving. If at first you don't succeed, give up. If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment. If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards. If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success! If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. If at first you don't succeed, the hell with it. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset If at first you don't succeed, try again at second base. If at first you don't succeed, you're about average If at first you don't succeed, you're doing it wrong. If at first you don't succeed, you've failed failed again If at first you don't succeed- Don't try skydiving If at first you don't succeed; Blame everyone else If at first you doubt, doubt again, and again ... If at first you doubt, doubt again. IF BIRD(HAND)=1 THEN SET BIRD(BUSH)=3 If brains were C-4, you couldn't blow your nose! If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose! If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient If code was meant to be portable, it'd have wheels... IF code_works THEN don't_fix_it END IF If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella. If dogbark=true .then. mailman = present If dog_age >= OLD then num_tricks = max_tricks If E=MC^2, why's there always room for Jello? If Einstein Had Been Black It would be E=MC Hammer. If Ensign Ro Were Assimilated, She'd Be A Bajoran Borg If ET married Peter Cetera he'd be ET CETERA. If everyone is on the bandwagon, who's gonna pull? If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve If Glass=Empty .AND. Thirsty Then OpenTuborg If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. IF gray_matter IS NULL THEN; GOTO dBASE; ENDI If he knew 9 more things, he'd be an idiot. If horses had wishes we'd all make,..Combustibles If I buy the steel wool, would you knit me a Porsche? If I can have honesty, it's easier to overlook mistakes. If I can light this thing I'll send smoke signals. If I can't fix it, it's probably dead. If I can't have it all, I think I'll just cry a lot. If I can't have SessionManager, I don't want anything. If I can, can you? If I could put time in a bottle.... If I could think of one it'd be right HERE! If I could type, I'd be a great groprammer ! If I die, I forgive you, if I recover, we shall see. If I had a nickel for every bug... If I had a twit filter, how could I read messages from me If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here. If I had finished this sentence, IF I hit the red key is the world over? If I knew how to spell, I could use a dictionary. If I knew what I was talking about--would I be here??? If I only had a 486 . . . If I only had one more teragigadactylbyte... If I save the whales, where do I keep them? If I shot myself, my ex would sue me for the bullet If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you. If I wanted to be stoned, I'd drink wet cement! If I wanted your opinion I'd ask your computer If I wanted your opinion, I would have given it to you If I were a rich man, la la la-la la-la... If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. If I were rich my butler would answer my mail. If I were truly original, I'd think of something cute. If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one? If I were you, who'd be me? If I where two faced, would I wear this one? If I'm not on the track, I'm thinking about the next race If idiots could fly, this would be an airport. If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what is. If in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream & shout If in doubt, make it sound convincing. If it ain't borken, don't fix it. If it ain't broke . . . fix it 'til it is! If it ain't broke, wait a day or two!! If It doesn't matter, and what if it did? If it doesn't work, it's physics. If it feels good do it, and if it does good feel it. If it glows don't touch it! If it has feelings, its not cooked enough! If it has syntax, it's not user freindly! If it has tits or tires you're gonna have trouble with it If it has tits or tyres, there will be problems. If it isn't broken, don't fix it. If it isn't broken, I can fix it. If it isn't original, it isn't sin. If it isn't true, at least it is a happy invention. If it itches - Stroke it!.....It might Work. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing If it screams it's not food......yet. <> If it screams, it's not food yet.... If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it was easy, they wouldn't need us. If it was raining soup, I'd have a knife & fork If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL, OBOL! If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. If it works tinker till it doesn't if it works! Don't fix it! If it works, break it! If it works, don't fix it! If it works, don't fix it. If it doesn't work KICK it !!! If it works, something went wrong. If it works, tear it apart and find out why! If it works, you must have done something wrong. If it's 04/14/90, we must be in Sandy Eggo. If it's fixed, don't break it! If it's green and it wiggles, it's biology. If it's ineffable, someone will F* with it If it's not broke, it must be the beta copy. If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan. If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. If it's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well. If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong. If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid If it's Tourist Season why can't we shoot 'em?? If it's useless, it will have to be documented. If it's working PLEASE ...Don't make Love to it!!! If its stupid and it works - its not stupid If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life is but a Dream please wake me up.. If Life's a trip, where the hell is MY ticket? If little else, the brain is an educational toy. If love is blind, how does love at first sight work? If Love is Blind, Lingerie makes Great Braille! If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If love is the dream, marriage must be the alarm clock. If Marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws! If money doesn't grow on tree's, why do banks have branches? If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. If my girlfriend caught me on this board... If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END If one cannot catch a bird of paradise, grab a wet hen. If only I still had my Commodore 64... If only... If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help If only... if only. IF original_works THEN don't_upgrade ENDIF If OS/2 was hooked up to nuclear missiles, what happens? If people listened to themselves, they would shut up. If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on. If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns If Q were castrated would he be O? If Q were castrated would he become ... O ??? If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire!! If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond? If Socrates was so smart, then why is he dead? If speed scares you, use Micro$oft Windows! If that's the way you want to be about it ... If the door is Baroque, jiggle the Handel! If the enemy is in range, so are you. If the family skeleton must remain, make it dance. If the meek inherit the Earth, what will single guys get If the Message Won't End, Continue It. If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits ! If the truth offends -- too bad. If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? If there isn't a law, there will be -- Gates' Law If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. If they don't, the lights stay off in Baghdad - SD Cheney If this is a battle, then you have already lost. If this is a consular ship... where is the Fung?" If this is a service economy, why is the service so bad? If this is heaven, why am I bored out of my skull? If this is only a hobby..then why I am getting paid!! If this is Quarqsday,THIS must be Earth! If this is Thursday, we must be in Fortran! If this is time sharing, give me my share right now. If this is tourist season, why can't I shoot any? If this message goes into the void, call me! If this was a real emergency, you'd've been trampled. If this wern't soo much fun, it'd be work! If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle. If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in! If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth! If turning it on doesn't help, plug it in. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. if u cn rd ths u 2 cn thnk up shrt clvr tglns if u cn rd ths u cn bcm a c prgmr! If U cn rd ths, U cnt spl wrth sht If variety = Spice/Life. Make mine milk. If Version 1.0 works someone goofed... If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities... If we could pool our Group Dynamics... If we don't succeed, we increase our chances at failure. If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy! IF WINNING IS NOT IMPORTANT, WHY KEEP SCORE? If wishes were fishes we'd all be in stitches. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. If wishes were horses, dogfood would be a lot cheaper. If worst comes to worst, you *CAN* turn most things off. If ya can't beat 'em.......RUN! If ya can't feed em', don't breed em'!!! If Ya Snooze Ya Looze... If you act enthusiastic, you'll be enthusiastic! If you ain't got it then you ain't communicatin'. If you are willing to die, you can do anything! If you aren't going all the way, why go at all? If you believe THAT, I have a BRIDGE for sale... If you can read this, my cloaking device is defective. If you can read this, you are too close. If you can read this: GO TO THE NEXT MESSAGE!!! If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER? If you can't be right, at least be careful If you can't beat'um, KILL EM ALL! If you can't bite, don't show your teeth. If you can't debug it, deplug it. If you can't fix it, count it as a feature! If you can't fix it, sell it as a feature. If you can't live without me, why aren't you DEAD yet?!? If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead? If you can't make it good, make it big. If you can't make it good, make it expensive. If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." B. Gates If you can't make it work, make a statistic of it. If you can't say it in 50 characters, then don't b If you can't tell a fib, make it a BIG lie. If you can't win'em over, run'em over.... If you cannot convince them, confuse them. If you cant beat um, KILL EM ALL! If You Care Enough to Steal the very Best, Snipit If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? If you don't care where you are, then you can't get lost. If you don't eat garlic, they'll never smell it on you. If you don't fall down, you're not trying! If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your If you don't think women are explosive, just drop one! If you don't vote for me I'll kill you all. If you find it, it is always in the last place you look. If you first don't succeed, stack it and stack it again. If you have nothing to do, don't do it here. If you have nothing to say, please only say it once! If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know. If you hear an Onion ring Please.... answer it! If you hit every time, the target's too near. If you hold a hard drive to your ear, you can hear the C: If you hurl, and blow chunks; she runs. It was never ment If you knew it, when did you know you knew? If you leave 2 bills together, they breed! If you live long enough, it WILL kill you... If you meet Ken Thompson on the road, kill him. If you mess with something long enough it'll break. If you prick me, do I not get turned on? If you push something hard enough, it will fall over If you REALLY must stay, please leave If you redo a batch file, does it become a son of a batch If You Say Nothing, No One Will Repeat It If You See An Onion Ring - Answer It! If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT! If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? If you take the plunge, return it by Tuesday. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. If you think it's stolen, it came from Lynk! If you throw mud, you will have dirty hands. If you took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, eh? If you try to be too sharp, you will cut yourself. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? If you wanna do it right, then why do it? If you want him to show emotion, hide his PC. If you want it done right do it yourself! If you want it done right, let do it. If you want my advice, pay me! if you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself. If you want to hide your face, walk naked. If you want to run and play, Come along the BEAM today. If you want your name spelt wrong, die. If you would keep a man a slave; educate him not If you're a typical student, consider the fact there is If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. If you're gonna be a turd, go lay in the yard. If you're gonna get down...Get Down and Prey! If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. If you're not the lead dog, everything looks the same! If you're not there, don't ANSWER! If you're not wasted, then the day is. If you're thinking what I am...well then we're psychic! If you're too old to learn, you were born so. If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all! If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.. If your behind is in front, you turned around! If your mind goes blank, remember to turn off the sound. If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! If youth only had a chance or old age any brains. If's it's "Tourist Season" Why can't we shoot them? IF(!CRASH()) _THANK_GOD(); if(crash) grab_ankles();kiss_xxx_goodbye() if(ThisDay()!=MyDay)DosSleep(ulTillNextDay); IfYouCanReadThisYourSpecksAreBetterThanMine Ignorance & apathy: I don't know & I don't care Ignorance = Fear Ignorance is not always Bliss! Ignorance is temporary, Stupid is forever... Ignorance leads to Indulgence. Ignorance=Bliss? Why aren't more people happy?? Ignore me... I'm just here for my looks! Ignore the man behind the screen. Ignore your teeth and they'll go away! ILink, ULink, we all Link for ILink! illegitimati non carborendum Illigitimus Non Carborundum. Illiterate? Write for free help. Illiterate? Write for information! ILLITERATE? Write for a free brochure... Illiterate? Write for FREE help! Illiterate?... Write for free help. Illustrate your Sermons! Wear "far side" ties. Imagery is All In The Mind. Images and reflections to brighten my day. Imagination is more important than knowledge. -Einstein IMHO: In My Honest Opinion Immanuel Kant ..... but Kubla Khan Immoral Majority Charter Member. Immorality: the morality of those having a better time Immortality consists largely of boredom. Impropriety is the soul of wit. Improve mail delivery... mail the posties their pay!! Improve man, you gain a thousandfold. Improve your memory, forget about work Improved - didn't work the second time. In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats. In a fight between you and the world, back the world. In an nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal In any case = In any box ??? In Borland you are never bored! In case of dire emergency read manual. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. In case of fire, yell "FIRE!" In case of rapture, please grab the wheel. In every revolution, there's one man with a vision. In fact, I DON'T put my pants on one leg on leg at a time In front of every silver lining there's a cloud. In God we trust; all others must pay cash. In God we trust; all others we voice verify! In our century, we've learned not to fear words. In politics stupidity is not a handicap. In search for the perfect comm program... In search of real placebos... In the computer room no one can hear you SCREAM! In the computer world, every little bit helps. In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In the distant past Vulcans killed to win their mates. In the end, gravity wins -- Dolly Parton