CARBIDE SHORTAGE PREDICTED

    [Copyright 1986, By Frank Reid]


[BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA. (Underground News
Nutwork)] Underprivileged delinquents in
big-city slums, whose welfare checks are no
longer adequate to purchase sufficient
quantities of regular booze and dope, have
been getting stoned, so to speak, by adding
water to calcium carbide and inhaling the
resultant fumes.

The practice is widespread in Europe, which
is why French carbide lamps are very large
and have hoses attached. Because of low price
and easy availability, carbide abuse in
America is considered very low-class,
although spectacular disasters have occurred
among sophisticated drug-users, who
experimented with "getting their rocks off"
while smoking other substances.

The American Civil Liberties Union attempted
to defend a New York carbide-sniffer arrested
at a ghetto meeting with a can of funny white
powder, on grounds of religious freedom,
citing a Biblical reference to "Shepherds
a'biding in the fields, keeping watch over
their flocks by night," during which they
received a glorious vision. The judge
dismissed the case because calcium carbide is
not, as yet, a controlled substance.

Needless to say, Big Brother is taking
appropriate measures to keep this deadly
social dynamite out of the innocent hands of
the youth of our great nation, with the
expected result that a kilo of uncut 'bide
will have a street value in excess of $1000.
Possession of carbide lamps will be regulated
by drug-paraphernalia laws.

Exposure to even small amounts of carbide gas
is known to produce bizarre behavior, often
causing its victims to crawl into holes in
the ground. A preliminary USDA [United States
Department of Assinity] study of NSS
[National Speleological Society] life-members
has indicated a possible correlation between
carbide use and premature senility.