The Thirty-Five Types of Dungeons and Dragons Players
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1) The Real Man- "Hot diggity! Orc outpost at 12 o'clock! Chaaaaaaarge!!

2) The Real Role Player- "Don't start yet!! I need two minutes to get
   properly into character."

3) The Loonie- "I drop my longsword and kiss the ogre on the lips."

4) Too powerful- "I swing at the Orc with my bastard sword... (roll) a two.
   Add 3 for magic, 2 for strength, 2 for specialization... (etc etc) a 27.
   (grin) Did I hit?"

5) Much too powerful- "Five arch-devils and two demigods? That's ALL? I
   guess I'll only need to use six of my rings for this encounter."

6) The Coward- "Yikes! Three kobolds! Retreat! Retreat!"

7) The Novice- "I just rolled a two on my 'to hit' roll. Did I want high or
   low?"

8) The Troublemaker- "Just as the Mayor starts to give his speech to the
   town, I cast Command- 'vomit' on him."

9) The Tactician- "The archer will move silently into position behind the
   podium, carefully aiming at the sargeant. The mage shall remain silently
   behind the door in preparation of a 'sleep' spell which will be centered
   at the table around which are the bulk of the guards. Meanwhile, the
   fighter and I shall..."

10) The Quiet Type- "I dunno... I lob off another arrow at the monster this
    round, I guess."

11) The Punster- "You know how many clerics it takes to fix a light bulb?
    One, to cast 'Cure Light'"

12) The PC Infighter- "Since Ruth's been such a twit, I hit her in the face
    with my flail while she's casting her 'find familiar' spell."

13) Memorized the Rule Book- "No, if you look in the DMG, page 81 paragraph
    5, you'll find that this spell doesn't affect griffons."

14) The Whiner- "Three points?! I take THREE POINTS OF DAMAGE!?! Frank,
    what the hell kind of grudge do you have against me?"

15) The Bully- "Are you sure I didn't make my saving throw? Are you
    ABSOLUTELY sure? Do you want your nose to stay the way it is, Lou?"

16) Mr. Greedy- "So it's not evil? And it's not attacking? So what! I WANT
    THAT XP!"

17) Mr. Greedy II- "Now how do we go about carting off this 800 copper
    pieces? We're already loaded down with the 4 suits of leather armor and
    the electrum-inlaid toilet seats we found earlier..."

18) The Cheater- "I roll an... 18! It hits! (grabs dice)"

19) The Chastiser- "And you DIDN'T SEE THAT TRAP COMING! Hahahahahahaha!
    Just how long did you say you've been playing this game?"

20) The Kamikaze- "I jump off our perch, taking careful aim to land dead
    center on the hobgoblin patrol. Just before I hit the ground, though, I
    set off the Fire Trap on all my nine flasks of oil."

21) The Good Roller- "Oh, looky here. An 03 on percentile dice. If that
    door was trapped, I just found something.

22) The Bad Roller- "Great! *Another* critical fumble!"

23) The Braggart- "The thought of you attacking me isn't even interesting.
    I could get off a sleep spell and slit your unconscious throat before
    your longsword ever cleared it's sheath."

24) The Reminiscer- "You know, this reminds me of the time out thief spent
    twenty minutes trying to lockpick an unlocked door."

25) Goody Two-Shoes- "Wait a minute. Even if they are orcs, we can't just
    attack them when they're asleep and can't defend themselves."

26) Overoptimistic- "After we get through this campaign, and have gained
    about nine, ten levels, I'm going to buy me the finest battle axe that
    money can buy."

27) Short-Attention-Span-Man- "Hmmm? What? Oh, are we attacking now?"

28) The Mindless Player-

     GM- "The gaping chasm stretches out before you. It is too far to jump
          across."
     Player- "I jump the chasm."

29) The crybaby- "You mean the big rock crushed me? My character's DEAD?!?
    Really, really DEAD?!? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

30) The Cowboy- "I walk proudly up to the King and challenge him to a duel
    to the death. Oh yeah, I make sure to call him a wimp."

31) The Psycho Killer-

     GM- "OK, you open the door and you see-"
     Player- "KILL KILL KILL!!! BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!! RRAAAAAAAAGGHHH!!!!!"

32) The Worry Wort- "Okay, my mage is invisible, levitating thirty meters
    above the party, has a Phantom Armor and a Stoneskin on him, a Ring of
    Fire Resistance worn, a Minor Globe of Invulnerability, (etc etc) Damn!
    I have a bad feeling about this..."

33) The Masochist- "I stop running, turn around, slap the minotaur, and
    tell him to stop breathing down my neck."
    (Closely related to #3, The Loonie.)

34) Unfaithful Cleric- After thirty years and nine levels of neutral-good
    life, he switches from Celestian to Boccob (who doesn't care if anyone
    worships him) just so he can get combat spells. "I'm sure Celestian won't
    mind."

35) Questionable Ranger- "I know she's an innocent maiden, but I need 1
    XP to advance a level."

     OTHER TYPES:

Stingy- "No, you can't borrow my Wand of Paralysis, it only has 57 charges
         left."

Win At Any Cost- "The medusa made her saving throw? You sure? Say, I have
                  two tickets to the Springsteen show, how about..."

Schizophrenic-

      Player- "Morden opens the chest and looks inside."
      GM- "The latch was trapped with a poison needle. Roll vs. poison.
           (Rolls) Sorry, Morden is poisoned and dies."
      Player- "Ok, hold on. (rolls dice) 14 for strength, 17 for...
               (30 seconds later) Malchor looks inside the chest..."

(Special thanks to Skank for typing this up for me to rip off...hee hee)