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`0    The cafeteria lady is looking around nervously.
`0    Anti-nuisance police are searching the area for problems.
`0    Sound Garden is playing a concert here in the cafeteria.
`0    Several country singers lie bruised and beaten in the corner.
`0    Today is official `$'Mike Snyder Appreciation' `0day.
`0    A child-like Spartacus is in a corner, crying for his mommy.
`0    'I am Spartacus, The gr...' gurgles a weirdo as he is dying.
`0    A good-looking brunette named Paula is kicking Spartacus in the groin.
`0    Spartacus is beaten severely and taken away to prison.
`0    'I am such a looser,' admits Spartacus to everybody as he cries.
`0    'I still pee the bed at night,' admits Spartacus to everyone listening.
`0    'Has anyone seen the results of my VD test?' asks Spartacus.
`0    Stone Temple Pilots are playing a concert by the potato bar.
`0    Somebody ordered pizza, then thrashed the obnoxious delivery boy.
`0    Spartacus scored a 44 on his I.Q. test again today.
`0    Spartacus tried to write a computer program, but it sucked.
`0    'I will always be a failure,' whines Spartacus.
`0    'If only I wasn't such a jerk...' Spartacus says.
`0    Spartacus stank of anchovies, olives and parmesian today.
`0    A nerd-search was conducted today, but only Spartacus was located.
`0    Dr. Hammer as making a public announcement, but nobody is watching.
`0    Dr. Hammer is screaming into a microphone, but nobody seems to care.
`0    Even Nurse Redlips slaps Spartacus as he tries to get fresh.
`0    Spartacus is trying to (gasp) get fresh with Dr. Hammer!
`0    Dr. Hammer is reprimanding Spartacus for playing with himself in public.
`0    'I'm not much smarter than an infant,' admits Spartacus.
`0    Spartacus hasn't had a 'bedpost notch' in over three years!