ARC Files - What they are and How to Use them.
     (From the Parody Conference of "Your Place" 703-978-6360)


ARC - noun.  1. An archaic form for storing multiple files in 
one file in compressed form.  A proprietary product of Systems 
Enhancement Associates (SEA), and used exclusively by them.  
Today an object of scorn, implying greed, extortion and self 
destruction.
     History buffs should know that ARC was the most common form 
for archiving and compressing files on IBM PCompatibles (from 
J. Pourneille) prior to 1989.  In the computer equivalent of the 
mass extinction of the dinosaurs, ARC'd files mysteriously began 
to disappear in February of that year.  Among the theories 
advanced for the Fall of ARC we present here some of the more or 
less likely ones:

*    Viral Epidemic:  Arc files having a timed virus causing 
     them to self destruct.  The term ARC was held to be a 
     secret acronym for "Anally Rotated Constrictor".  The 
     Association of Computer Security Consultants even released 
     a video detailing the supposed conspiracy and predicting 
     the next target would be files with "D" as the first letter 
     in their extension.   Not seen to have more proof than 
     UFOs.

*    Act of God:  Vengeance for an attempt by SEA to trademark 
     the term ARC, which had been formerly associated with a 
     Biblical flood.  An angel named Noah is held to have 
     visited all computers, sparing only those with a "Z" etched 
     on them.  This theory was first advanced by a Television 
     Evangelist who said that an even worse plague would come 
     unless every automated check writing computer sent him 
     $100.

*    Senility:  ARC finally succumbed to Alzheimer's Rectal 
     Contortion - a fatal condition marked by slowness of 
     operation, forgetfulness of where you came from, and 
     association with lawyers.

*    Moral Decrepitude:  The reign of ARC was undermined by 
     smugness, arrogance and taxes on 3rd party developers, 
     which eroded popular support and precipitated a "hard disk 
     tea party" in which ARC files were zipped into oblivion.

*    Aliens:  A theory first advanced in the National Enquirer, 
     which reported that millions of computer owners woke up one 
     morning to find their PC's singing:
              "Zippety do da, 
               Zippety day
               My oh my what a wonderful day..."