Big John
Updated Version
 
Every morning at Armonk you see him arrive
In a big fancy car that a chauffeur would drive.
Kind of big in the wallet and narrow in the mind,
and every VP knew how to kiss the behind of Big John.
 
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John.
 
Nobody seemed to know why John was the boss.
He just never had to care about profit or loss.
He didn't do much except raise his own pay.
Many earn in a year what John earned in a day, Big John.
 
Some said he came down 'round White Plains
Where he showed the success takes style, not brains.
When a slick four-color foil presentation
Left the other fast trackers in subordination, Big John.
 
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John.
 
Then came the day at the annual meeting,
When stockholders screamed they were taking a beating.
And the workers were shouting for a decent wage.
Then a riot broke out and they rushed the stage at Big John.
 
The execs on podium started to panic.
Then the chairman who captained the Big Blue Titanic
Announced to the crowd he'd solution their flight,
"I'll find out where you work and I'll sell off your site," said Big John.
 
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John.
 
The directors, all sensing their ouster was near
Cried, "We're market driven! Let's get out here!"
And twenty men bailed out with their golden chutes,
Now's there's no one left up there to salute Big John.
 
With ballots and proxies and mob felt empowered,
But with tear gas and swat teams in less than an hour
The workers were beaten, the hall had been wrecked,
And everyone knew that they'd been 4-checked by Big John.
 
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John.
 
Now they never reopened that worthless pit,
They just showed an ICN Broadcast from in front of it.
When asked about his long term strategy
He said, "I'll fire 'em all and that will leave only me, Big John."
 
Big John, Big John, Big bad John.