Weekly Health Bulletin Courtesy of Black Bag Medical Information Services America's Online Health Connection(tm) 302-994-3772 This document is provided for educational purposes only. The information provided is NOT to be considered as diagnostic or individual advice. No specific medical quidance or treatment can be recommended without consultation with a physician. You should consult your personal physician prior to utilizing any medical information discussed in this document. Those contributing to this informational bulletin, disclaim all responsibility for any actions taken by persons in reliance upon information stated in this program. Should you choose to disregard this warning, you assume the risk and responsibility for your actions. Beating Holiday Stress and Blues by Doreen Samelson The holidays are almost here and for many people the fun of this time of year gives way to feelings of stress and depression. Add to this the complication of a chronic diseases like MS, or the shock of a new diagnosis, and the holidays can become unmanageable. There are ways to reduce this trend and make the upcoming celebrations joyful and relaxing. For some of us this might be the first time we get through this season feeling good. Weather it's MS or some other challenge that has prompted you to make some holiday changes, you might find yourself happier than most come January. To make this season a joyful one try the simple steps below One word of caution, there is a condition called seasonal depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD), that is thought to be caused by the lack of sunlight this time of year. If you think your problem may be connected to light and not just the hustle and bustle of the season or the stress of dealing with MS you might want to pick up the book on seasonal depression listed on the book list below. Defining the Holidays For Yourself Several years ago I asked myself what does this time of year with all of its celebrations mean to me personally. This is an important step in feeling good about the holidays. Most of us know what they are supposed to mean religiously, or what our family commitments during the holidays entail, but what the celebrations mean to us personally is often lost in the rush to do all the thing we think we must do. I would suggest you write down the answers to the following questions. You might want to ask your spouse or children to do the same and then compare your answers. It can be very enlightening. 1. As a child what did the upcoming holidays mean to you? 2. How has your feeling about the holidays changed as you have gotten older? 3. What religious significance if any do this celebration hold for you now? 4. If part of a couple, what do you think the significance of the holidays are for your partner? There are no right or wrong answers here - these questions are designed to stimulate discussion and thought, not specific answers. When John and I answered these questions, several things became clear. The meaning of the holidays had not changed greatly for me from my childhood. On the other hand, John was uncomfortable with the holidays because he no longer held the same religious views he did as a child. For John, coming up with a new meaning for the holidays that fit his changed religious beliefs was important to enjoying this time of year again. He also had to give himself permission to celebrate the same holidays he grew up with even though his belief system had changed. Finding The Joy Between the stress, hassle and the all the things we think we should do the activities we enjoy often get overlooked. Try the following questions to discover what you really like doing during this season. 1. What things did you enjoy doing as a child during the holidays? 2. What activities have you enjoyed in the last five holiday seasons? 3. What activities have you not enjoyed in the last five holiday seasons? 4. What activities do you think each of your family members enjoy during this time of year? The answers to these questions can help you sort through the "should do's" and get to the joy. It is also a good reality check for you and your family. When we discussed our answers, John and I found we were not as sure of what the other liked to do as we had thought. On John's list of what I liked was shopping. "Shopping" I said "are you serious?" "I thought you liked to go to the mall," he said. John's response was correct - for where I was a few years ago. I did like shopping but now I find it tiring and frustrating. The crowds and the extra merchandise make it difficult to get around. But I do enjoy the lights and decorations and love to go to the mall and downtown once in December to see all the glitter. So as John doesn't mind skipping the long lines and overstuffed stores either, we now go and enjoy the art of real window shopping. The only thing we buy is cappuccino, and we try to go on a weekday when the crowds are lighter. We do our shopping by catalog or buy throughout the year when we come across something we like. We have also become experienced at giving gift certificates and subscriptions, most of which can be done by phone! Your Holiday Plan Making a plan that incorporates your new understanding of the meaning of the holidays and the joyful activities will help you stay away from the things that cause stress and take away the fun. List the things you want to do and look at your list. Do you need to make some adaptations to be able to do these things? For example maybe cooking is on your joy list but you know that cooking the big dinner you used to do would take cooking right off the joy list onto the stress list. Can you make a change that would keep the joy in cooking? Maybe plan the menu and have others cook, perhaps keeping one special dish to prepare yourself, or cook ahead and freeze, or if your children are old enough for this activity, turn cooking over to them and supervise [warning: this could add to stress for some of you]. Another question to ask is, "Do I have to do all of these things every year?" I really do love the holidays but I realize that if I tried to do all the things I like every year I would be exhausted. So one year I might choose to go to holiday fairs and this year I'm skipping the fairs and going to the Ice Capades and one or two plays. Establish some traditions that the whole family enjoys. We go to the same tree farm every year and cut down a tree. This place is really neat, never crowded and serves coffee and hot chocolate around a wood stove. I sit and sip coffee while my family runs around looking at every tree in the place before choosing one. I love watching the kids coming in with their tree! Every year we get the "best tree" along with the hundred other families or so that visit this farm. Get out your calendar and have a family meeting to plan what you are going to. Try to stay to your plan and don't over book. One thing to remember about traditions: they can be changed. If it's not fun anymore it's time for revisions. Telling The World And Saying No Now that you know what you want to do for the holidays, you need to let others know and learn the art of declining activities that are not in your plan. Family are often the toughest people to say no to during this time of year. I would recommend that you approach family before they approach you or before you are expected to go to the obligatory get-together. Be sure to explain why you're making the changes. Make sure your parents or Uncle Fred know this is not a rejection of them. We celebrate a secular Christmas and long before I had MS we decided not to travel on Christmas Day. Loading up the car with children who got up at 5:00 am to see their presents and are totally hyper from all the excitement and driving to a relative's house to be fed sugar and get more hyper over more presents is not my idea of a good time! We told our families we prefer a get-together the week before or after Christmas to exchange presents. This has worked much better. After we open presents at our house we often go to the zoo which is close to our home. Let the kids run off their energy and go home for nap while dinner cooks. I discovered that if you put potatoes, some kind of meat, and carrots in a roasting pan it can cook while we enjoy the animals. We don't need a big turkey and all the trimmings; a simple Christmas dinner is best for us. There are also some good restaurants around we can take advantage of. Saying no to friends is often easier than family and I have found if I just say "Thank you for the invitation but we are trying to simplify the holidays this year, and so we must decline," I usually get an understanding response. In fact many friends have said, "Oh I wish I could do that." It's not just those of us who have the challenge of MS in our lives who get stressed at the holidays. Some Holiday Profiles Here is how some of my family and friends have dealt with the holidays. My sister Donna doesn't like December and thinks all the holidays during this time of year are too commercial. She prefers to say home, write poetry, and generally ignores the whole thing. That okay as far I'm concerned and now that her children are older she enjoys her peace and quiet. My friend Carol [an MSer] spends the holidays with her dog Duffy. She gets Duffy's picture with Santa every year, cooks and eats whatever she wants. (She is usually very careful about her diet.) She likes to listen to Christmas music and she buys herself a present. It is not that Carol has no place to go - she is always welcome at our house (anytime) but she like to spend her holidays this way. It is a restful change, she says, from the large family she grew up in (Carol is the oldest of 12 children). Instead of spending money on presents, our friends Erica and Jim and their two children go to Oregon to ski. A friend from our from graduate school days saves gift giving for January. That way her family gets to take advantage of the after-holiday sales. She never shops in November or December. There are some thing we can't control (like having MS) but with some thought we can control a lot in our lives. Perhaps starting with the upcoming holidays, we can all make life more manageable as well as more enjoyable. Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Joyful Solstice! Book List Robinson, Jo: Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back Into the Season. New York: Quill, 1991. This book looks interesting, but I've not had the opportunity to review it; perhaps someone who can find it can let us know what you think. Sher, Barbara: Wishcraft: How To Get What You Really Want. New York: Ballantine, 1979. Not a book specifically about the holidays, but a good book for deciding what you want and setting a plan on how to achieve it. Has some fun exercises. Hyman, Jane W.: The Light Book: How Natural and Artificial Light Affect Our Health, Mood, and Behavior. Los Angeles: J.P.Tarcher, 1990. A book for people who think their holiday depression may be due to lack of sunlight rather than holiday stress or MS.