2035
 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.
 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
 26% of Canadians can't read. The other 92% can't do Math.
 29A, the hexadecimal of the Beast.
 3 things occur when you age.. 1) memory goes 2) uh.. um..
 4 food groups: fast, frozen, microwaved, and junk.
 43.3% of statistics are meaningless!
 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.
 80% success, most of the time......
 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
 :.::: ::..: ::.::.  :..:: Tagline in Braille.
 A 'government subsidy' is getting just some of your own money back.
 A babe is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs decrease.
 A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.
 A bad beginning makes for a good ending.
 A bad workman quarrels with his tools.
 A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
 A bird in the hand is worth about three Kleenex.
 A blind man is no judge of colors.
 A blush on the face is better than a blot on the heart.
 A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
 A brain is worth little without a tongue.
 A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.
 A centipede is an ant made to government specs.
 A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.
 A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
 A chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce.
 A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
 A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
 A clear conscience makes a good pillow.
 A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 A committee is a group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
 A company is known by the company it employs.
 A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
 A consultant may be defined as an unemployed practitioner.
 A contented man is always rich.
 A courageous foe is better than a cowardly friend.
 A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet.
 A crate of UZI's, a carton of whiskey...lets go to Disneyland!
 A crucifix?  Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire!
 A day without sunshine is like night.
 A desk is a wastebasket with drawers.
 A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure.
 A dirty book is seldom dusty.
 A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
 A dyslexic agnostic doesn't believe in Dog.
 A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
 A false friend and a shadow stay around only while the sun shines.
 A fate worse than death: to be married alive.
 A father is a banker provided by nature.
 A fault recognized is half corrected.
 A feature is a bug with seniority.
 A fertile mind requires a lot of dirt.
 A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.
 A fool and his money are my two favorite people.
 A fool and his money is my kind of customer!
 A fool and his money share the same mattress.
 A fool wants to be king.  A wise man wonders if he can handle the job.
 A friend advises in his interest, not yours.
 A friend in need is a pest indeed.
 A friend is someone who knows me and likes me anyway.
 A good organizer is one who is careful to plan ahe.
 A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
 A halo has only to fall a few centimeters to become a noose.
 A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
 A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong.
 A hypocrite is one who sets good examples when he has an audience.
 A job is nice but it interferes with my life.
 A joke never gains an enemy, but often loses a friend.
 A kind heart is of little value in chess.
 A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.
 A liberal's generosity is limited only by your income.
 A little knowledge isn't enough.
 A Macintosh is an EtchaSketch you don't have to shake.
 A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.
 A man may be young in years, yet old in hours.
 A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
 A man's best friend is his dogma.
 A man's brain is his Achilles' heel.
 A man's house is his hassle.
 A martyr is a hero who didn't make it.
 A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.
 A mountain is climbed a step at a time.
 A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
 A nut that is easy to crack is often empty.
 A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.
 A penny earned....is cheap labor.
 A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.
 A penny saved is ridiculous.
 A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
 A pest: A friend in need.
 A picture is worth a thousand words; a slide show is both.
 A poor excuse is better than no excuse at all.
 A procrastinator's work is never done.
 A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.
 A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
 A reasonable man accomplishes nothing.
 A road map always tells you everything except how to refold it.
 A rolling stone gathers no moss.
 A second class effort is a first class mistake.
 A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
 A single fact can spoil a good argument.
 A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate.
 A small good deed is better than the grandest intention.
 A small leak will sink a great ship.
 A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
 A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
 A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.
 A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
 A successful baseball player gets a hit only once out of every three tries.
 A taxpayer is one who does not have to pass a Civil Service examination to work for the Government.
 A ten-gallon hat really holds only three-fourths of a gallon.
 A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart.
 A thing not looked for is seldom found.
 A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on.
 A wise man changes his mind, a fool never.
 A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.
 A wise man once said.... I don't know...
 A woman's advice is not worth much, but he who doesn't heed it is a fool.
(A)bort, (R)etry, or (I)nfluence with hammer.
 A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.
 AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
 Absence makes the heart go wander.
 Abstain from wine, women and song.  Mostly song.
 Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation!!!
 Abuse of power comes as no surprise.
 Acetone = What you do in exercise class.
 Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.
 Acoustic: Used to play pool.  Denial: A river in Egypt.  Buccaneer: The price of corn.
 Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.
 Adolescence: the stage between puberty and adultery.
 Advertisement: the most truthful part of a newspaper.
 Advertising raises the standard of living by raising the standard of longing.
 Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
 Advice: 5› And Worth Every Penny!
 After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
 After four decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
 Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
 Age isn't important unless you're a cheese.
 Ah well, they say it's not as bad as they say it is......
 AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes.
 Aibohphobia: The fear of palindromes.
 Alas poor Tagline!  I knew it well...
 Alex Haley was adopted!
 Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
 All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
 All men are created equal. It sticks out more on some.
 All people smile in the same language.
 All programmers want arrays!
 All progress stems from change but all change is not necessarily progress.
 All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
 All stressed out and no one to choke.....
 All that glitters has a high refractive index.
 All the easy problems have been solved.
 All the world's a stage, but most of us are stage hands.
 All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.
 All this significance - what does it mean?
 Almost all loan officers have artificial hearts.
 Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
 Alright, who's been cooking hot dogs in the warp nacelles?
 Although up to its neck in hot water, the tea kettle continues to sing.
 Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
 Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
 Always hold your head up but keep your nose at a friendly level.
 An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last.
 An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
 An authority knows lots of things you don't care about.
 An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
 An elephant is a mouse built to Mil-spec.
 An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
 An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran. A masochist is anybody who does anything in COBOL...
 An expert has a great reason for guessing wrong.
 An improper mind is a perpetual feast.
 An object of information most needed will be least available.
 An optimist laughs to forget..A pessimist forgets to laugh.
 An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
 An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
 An unbreakable toy is excellent for breaking other toys.
 Anarchy is against the law.
 Anarchy is better than no government at all.
 And Adam asked, "What's a headache?"
 And they shall plow their swords into beach chairs.
 Angels fly because they take themselves lightly. Chesterton.
 Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.
 Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one.
 Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.
 Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
 Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
 Anybody can be born right-handed. Only the best of us overcome it.
 Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
"Anyone care for a jellybaby?"
 Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
 Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
 Anything that can go wrong will.
 Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
 Apathy error:  Don't bother striking any key.
 Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush.
 Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
 Are you illiterate? Write to us for a free book.
 Army food: the spoils of war.
 Arrogance is the obstruction of wisdom.
 Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.
 Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.
 As I said before, I never repeat myself.
 As scarce as the truth is, the supply is much greater than the demand.
 As Socrates once said, 'I drank WHAT?'
 ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
 Ask me about my vow of silence.
 Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
 Astronauts are out to launch.
 Astronauts get missile-toe.
 At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into the same bag.
 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 Atheist:  A man with no invisible means of support.
 Attitude adjustments $29.95.   Alignment extra.
 Aunt Em: Hate Kansas. Hate you. Took dog. Dorothy.
 Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
 Avoid criticism - say, do and be nothing.
 Avoid reality at all costs.
 Babies are god's opinion that the world should go on.
 Baby stork, "Mama, where did I come from?"
 Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch!
 Bacon & eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are commited.
 Bacteria, n.: the only culture some people have.
 Bad command or file name!  Go stand in the corner.
 Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon.
 Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
 Bad weather reports are more often right than good ones.
 Bald spot?  No -- solar panel for brain power.
 Barney is a velociraptor.
 Basic is a high level languish.
 Battle Creek makes cereal terminals.
 BBS: a method to triple your phone bill.
 Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
 Be alert, america needs more lerts.
 Be as you would seem to be.
 Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.
 Be kind. Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
 Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.
 Be sure the brain is engaged before putting the mouth in gear.
 Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
 Beam me up Scotty!  The liberals have taken over!
 Beaten paths are for beaten men.
 Beauty without virtue is a curse.
 Become a millionaire, send $1.00 for details...
 Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.
 Beer bellies = great waist.
 Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which one you need more.
 Before you meet any handsome price, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
 Behind every successful man - a surprised mother-in-law.
 Behind every successful man is a woman who made it necessary.
 Behind every successful woman - herself.
 Better than counting your years is making all your years count.
 Better the foot slip than the tongue.
 Better to face a danger once than be always in fear.
 Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
 Beware of a half truth; you may be getting the wrong half.
 Beware of dark rooms ... They might be the morgue.
 Bikinis - my favourite aphrodisiac.
 Biology grows on you.
(bits of ice striking hull)  "Captain, we're being hailed."
 Black holes are where God divided by zero.
 Blame St. Andreas - it's his fault.
 Blessed are the brief for they will be invited again.
 Blessed are the inept for they shall inherit the skies.
 Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
 Blonde Klingons: because it was a good day to dye.
 Blood is thicker than water.  Tastier and more nutritious too.
 Born free..Taxed to Death!
 Bosses are so busy delegating jobs, they have no time to work.
 Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
 Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
 BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It
 Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
 Brevity is the soul of wit.
 Bride: a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
 Bring order to your life, use random numbers.
 Budget: an orderly system of living beyond your means.
 Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
 Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
 Bureaucrats are the meat loaf of humanity.
 Burroughs programmers have to pay a Poll tax.
 Bushydo: the way of the shrub.
 But soft, what bird through yonder window breaks?
 But why do you exist...here?
 But you can't let her drive!  She's legally blonde!
 But you thaid is was a pith helmet!
 Buy in haste, repair at leisure.
 By the time a man reads women like a book he's too old to collect a library.
 By the time you get to where you can make ends meet, someone moves the ends.
 By the time you realize what love can do, the damage has already been done.
 CA bumper sticker: Cover me, I'm changing lanes.
 California does have its faults.
 Call me apathetic ---- I don't care!
 Call me Ishmael.
 Call me Ishmael.  I won't ANSWER, but...
 Calm down!  It's only zeros and ones.
 Can you remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?
 Can't underestimate the power of fear.
 Captain!  The UARTs kenna' take these speeds!
"Captain, I sense a million minds staring at my cleavage."
"Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?" - Worf
 Careful planning will never replace dumb luck.
 Careful!!...You may be the only Bible some people ever read.
 Carpenters are just plane folks.
 Castration takes a lot of balls...
 Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
 Celibacy is not hereditary.
 Censor - a man who knows more than he thinks you should.
 Character is not made in a crisis - it is only exhibited.
 Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
 Chaste makes waste.
 Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
 Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
 Cheops' Law:  Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
 Chicken - the egg's way of making more eggs.
 Chicken Little only has to be right once.
 Childish game: one at which your spouse beats you.
 Children need love, especially when they don't deserve it.
 Choosey mothers choose GIF.
 Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
 Classified ad:  For Sale: Man's suit, perfect fit......
 Cleverness is serviceable for everything but sufficient for nothing.
 Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
 Clones are people two.
 Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
 Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence on society.
 Cluttered desk = cluttered mind / empty desk = empty ______?
 Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
 COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
 COLE's LAW  -  Thinly sliced cabbage.
 Columbus had a fourth ship - it sailed over the edge.
 Come in, Beverly, and I'll show you a real Picard maneuver.
 Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
 Common sense is the least common of all senses.
 Communism is like one big phone company.
 Compassion is the basis of all morality.
 Computer Engineers do it bit by bit.
 Computer illiteracy?  You mean my computer's supposed to READ?
 Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
 Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
 Computers can never replace human stupidity.
 Conceit is a pain killer for stupidity.....
 Conceit is God's gift to little men.
 Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
 Confucious say too damn much!
 Confucius Say: Better to close mouth and appear stupid than to open mouth and remove all doubt.
 Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.
 Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
 Constants aren't; variables don't.
 Contents may have settled out of court.
 Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping.
 Cooperation is doing with a smile that which you have to do anyway.
 Could it be.......... S  A  T  A  N  ?
"Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing."
 Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal, if you are all thumbs.
 Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs.
 Courage is fear that said its prayers.
 Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it's going on when you don't have the strength.
 Courtesy on one side can never last long.
 CPE1704TKS  "The only winning move is not to play." - Joshua
 Cream rises to the top... but then so does scum.
 Creditors have better memories than debtors.
 Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
 Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
 Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs... God, I love Washington, D.C.
'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy.
 Crystal balls aren't really very productive.
 Cultivate happiness and it becomes a habit.
 Curiosity kills more mice than cats.
'Curiouser and curiouser,' said Alice.
 Customer "I would like to try on that suit in the window".  Salesman "Sorry sir, you will have to use the dressing room"
 Cutting remarks don't cut any ice.
 Cynicism is but idealism gone sour in the face of frustration.
 D.A.M.N. = Naked Mothers Against Dyslexia.
 Dangerous exercise - jumping to conclusions.
"Dave, I have a projected failure on the alpha-echo three five unit within 72 hours..."
 Dawn: the time when men of reason go to bed.
 Death is God's way of telling you that you're fired.
 Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
 Death MAY ease tension, researchers report.
 Dedicated to the brave men who go down to the chips in C.
 DEFINITION: Address - Type of attire worn by some female programmers.
 DEFINITION: Algol - The husband of Polygol, their missing daughter is Polygon.
 DEFINITION: Altair - A place where computers are sacrificed.
 DEFINITION: Array - A blast from a CRT.
 DEFINITION: Backup - Opposite of forward.
 DEFINITION: BASIC- Beginner's All-purpose Sloppy Instruction Code.
 DEFINITION: Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
 DEFINITION: Branch - A stick used for beating.
 DEFINITION: Buffer - A programmer who works in the nude.
 DEFINITION: Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desks to speed up output.
 DEFINITION: COBOL- Confused Oriental Bean-cOunting Language.
 DEFINITION: Coding - An addictive drug.
 DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
 DEFINITION: Core Storage - A receptacle for the center section of apples.
 DEFINITION: Cp/m - Program listing for 'Look in the evening section'.
 DEFINITION: Cpu - C3po's mother.
 DEFINITION: Dip - Inventor of a famous switch.
 DEFINITION: Disassembler - An unattended five year old child.
 DEFINITION: Disk Drive - A motor for a frisbee.
 DEFINITION: Duplex - Having two apartments.
 DEFINITION: External Storage - A wastebasket.
 DEFINITION: Fixed Word Length - Four-letter words used by programmers in a state of confusion.
 DEFINITION: Floating Control - A characteristic exhibited when you have to go to the restroom but cannot leave the computer.
 DEFINITION: Flow Chart - A graphic representation of the fastest route to the restroom.
 DEFINITION: Forth - One of the top five computer languages.
 DEFINITION: FORTRAN- Formless Translations.
 DEFINITION: GiGo - Garbage in garbage out.
 DEFINITION: IBM - Computer company: "Itty-Bitty Machines" Corporation.
 DEFINITION: IBM - Corporate motto: "I've been moved."
 DEFINITION: IC - Understanding as in 'Oh, IC'.
 DEFINITION: Initialize - Carving your initials on a floppy disk.
 DEFINITION: Input - Food, beverages, painkillers, stimulants, etc.
 DEFINITION: Iterate- A healthy illiterate.
 DEFINITION: Joystick- A peripheral intended for use only by consenting adults.
 DEFINITION: Keyboard- Resembling a typewriter, a keyboard is used for entering errors into the computer.
 DEFINITION: Kilo - What you could have spent your money on if you hadn't bought the computer.
 DEFINITION: Language- A system of organizing and defining syntax errors.
 DEFINITION: Macro - The last half of an expression of surprise: "Holy Macro".
 DEFINITION: Math Chip- A piece of a broken abacus.
 DEFINITION: Megabyte- A nine course dinner.
 DEFINITION: Memory Map - A sheet of paper showing location of computer store.
 DEFINITION: Mhz- Acronym for 'Megahurtz', meaning 'a million pains'.
 DEFINITION: Microfiche - Sardines.
 DEFINITION: Nanosecond - Mork's stunt man.
 DEFINITION: Newdos - Acronym for 'Not Exactly What The Dealer Offers To sell you.
 DEFINITION: Password- The nonsense word taped to the CRT.
 Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
 Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.
 Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
 Diarrhea is hereditary; it runs in your genes.
'Did ya put the cat out?' 'I didn't know it was burning'
 Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
 Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
 Difference between a house and a home - a family.
 Difference between tax avoiding and evasion is 10 Years.
 Difficult? I wish it had been impossible!
 Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.
 Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
 Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before.
 Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.
 Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
 Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock.
 Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
 Discover all unpredictable errors before they occur.
 Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
"DISK FULL?"
 Do agnostics really say, 'Oh, bother' when their planes go down?
 Do it today, tomorrow it will be bad for your health or illegal.
 Do not attempt to traverse a chasm in two leaps...
 Do not believe in miracles - rely upon them.
 Do not curse the darkness, check your warranty.
 Do NOT push that red button over there.
 Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
 Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
 Do ROFLS have ridges?
 Do unto others as they should do unto you but won't.
 Do unto others as though you were the other.
 Do unto others before they undo you.
 Do what you will with this tagline, just don't bother me about it!
 Do you always hit the nail right on the thumb?
 Do you like me for my brain or my baud?
 Do your knees buckle, but not your belt?
 Docs? Why would I want to look at the Docs. Nurses are better :)
 Does steel wool come from metal sheep?
 Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
(Does this look like a fraction to you?) OS/2: Where's the other half?! T. Peters.
 Does your back go out more than you do?
 Doing nothing makes you tired 'cause you can't take a break.
 Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
 Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
 Don't be mad about growing old, some aren't that lucky.
 Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.
 Don't believe anything you hear or anything you say.
 Don't ever stand up to be counted or someone will take your seat.
 Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
 Don't get discouraged...No one is perfickt.
 Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep until noon.
 Don't insult the alligator till after you cross the river.
 Don't judge a book by its movie.
 Don't knock President Fillmore - he kept us out of Vietnam.
 Don't know what apathy is and don't care....
 Don't let school interfere with your education.
 Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
 Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
 Don't play stupid with me, I'm better at it!
 Don't question authority..... It hasn't got a clue!!!!!
 Don't take life too seriously, it's not permanent.
 Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
 Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
 Don't walk through the screen door, you might strain yourself.
 Don't waste the whole day, laugh at least once.
 Don't wear earmuffs in a land of rattlesnakes.
 Don't worry: the answer's at the back of the book.
 Don't you just hate it when they verbify nouns?
 DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"...
 Drilling for oil is boring.
 Drive carefully, death is so permanent.
 Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
 Driving Lesson One: Shiny side up; rubber side down.
 Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
 Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded!
 Dyslexia: it can warn without striking!
 Each day the world turns over on someone who was just sitting on top of it.
 Each day we are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
 Eagles fly, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 Early to bed - makes you healthy, wealthy and boring.
 Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
 Earn cash in your spare time - blackmail your friends.
 Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
 Eat well, exercise, and die anyway.
 Eat yogurt and get culture.
 Editing is a rewording activity.
 Education means developing the mind, not stuffing the memory.
 Efficiency is the ability to do a job well plus the desire to do it better.
 Efficiency takes time!  Frugality: who can afford it?
 Ego: Something which enables people to bear living with themselves.
 Egotist: a person of low taste. more interested in himself than me.
 Either he is dead, or my watch has stopped.
 Electric chairs are period furniture; they end a sentence.
 Elevators smell different to midgets.
 Engineers do it precisely. Technicians do it a lot.
 Ensign Pillsbury?  He's BREAD, Jim!
 Entropy isn't what it used to be.
 Error opening CLINTON.LIE   Cannot recover COUNTRY.USA
 Error reading FAT record.  Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
 ERROR: Unable to come up with a good tagline.
 Eschew Obfuscation!
 Evangelists do more than lay people.
 Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
 Even paranoids have enemies.
 Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
 Ever just seem to not be able to get around to procrastinating?
 Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
 Ever think about the fact that thorn bushes have roses?
 Ever wish you had a copy of tomorrow's newspaper?
 Every interesting program has at least one variable, one branch, and one loop.......... And at least one bug!
 Every little BYTE helps.
 Every man has a scheme that absolutely won't work.
 Every man thinks his own burden the heaviest.
 Every man's work is a portrait of himself.
 Every minute you are angry wastes 60 happy seconds.
 Every solution breeds new problems.
 Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.
 Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die.
 Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
 Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
 Everyone needs a place in the sun, especially when it rains.
 Everyone serves a purpose in life, even if it is to be a horrible example.
 Everything alive either grows or dies.
 Everything coming your way? You're in the wrong lane!
 Everything goes on sale ... right after you buy it.
 Everything going good? You must have overlooked something.
 Everything hurts ... and what doesn't don't work.
 Everywhere is walking distance, if you have the time.
 Examine the contents, not the bottle.
 Excuse me, but do you have change for a carp?
 Excuse me, but is this my 15 minutes?
 Experience is something you don't get, 'til you need it most.
 Experience is the comb life gives you after you're bald.
 Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
 Experience should be a guide post, but not a hitching post.
 Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
 Expert - anyone from out of town.
 Expert - knows tomorrow why today's prediction failed.
 Expert- an x is an unknown, a spurt is a drip under pressure, so an expert is some unknown drip under pressure.
 F u cn rd ths u mst b n nglsh tchr!
 Fact - red lights always last longer than green ones.
 Failure is never fatal and success is never final.
 Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
 Faith is the bird that sings while it is still dark.
 Fame is a magnifying glass.
 Familiarity breeds attempt.
 Familiarity breeds consent.
 Farmers are just plain folks.
 Fascinating Captain.
 Faults are thick where love is thin.
 Fauns are never Satyr-sfied!
 Fax me no questions, I'll Fax you no lies!
 Feel good? Don't worry, you'll get over it.
 Fellow with closed mind often has open mouth.
 Few problems cannot be solved by proper application of high explosives.
 File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars...
 File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting.
 Fine = Tax for doing wrong. Tax = Fine for doing fine.
 Finish your mail packet!  Children are offline in India.
 First they take your money, then your clothes.
 Fish and guests smell in three days.
 Fish are so hard to toilet train.
 Flattery is the sincerest form of lying.
 Follow the wise few rather than the vulgar many.
 For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients.
 For sale: 1/2 piece of mountain climbing rope - cheap.
 For the snark was a boojum, you see.
 For those that like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like...
 Forget everything, as one day everything will forget you.
 Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.
 Found on a door in the MSU music building: This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel. (If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
 Four out five people think the fifth is an idiot.
 Freedom is doing what you like, happiness liking what you do.
 Friction is a drag.
 Friends are people you can be quiet with.
 Friends don't let friends use Windoze.
 Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
 Friends, Romans, and countrymen, lend me your ears.
 From the Department of Redundancy Dept.
 Funny, only sensible people agree with me.
 Gambling: a way of getting nothing for something.
 Gather 'round like cattle and ye shall be herd.
 Gene Police:  YOU!  Out of the pool.
 Genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration.
 Genius is 10 percent inspiration and 50 percent capital gains.
 Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
 Genius starts at the top and works up.
 Gentleman: one who can play bagpipes but chooses not to.
 Gentlemen's agreements can get very ungentlemanly.
 George Orwell was an optimist.
 Get even...With the people that have helped you.
 Get stoned!  Drink wet cement!
 Give a man a fish, and he is fed for a day.  Show him how to fish, and he is fed for his life.
 Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.
 Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
 Give your child mental blocks this Christmas.
 GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
 Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
 Go ahead, jump.  100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
 Go climb a gravity well.
 God cures and the doctor takes the fee.
 God give us relatives, but let us choose our friends.
 God is a comic playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.
 God is an atheist.
 God is not dead - he's alive and autographing bibles at Waldenbooks.
 God is real, unless declared "integer."
 God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
 God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
 God must love stupid people, She made so many of them.
 Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
 Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness the poison.
 Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
 Good words cost no more than bad.
 Got Kleptomania?  Take something for it!
 Got Mole problem?  Call Avogadro at 6.02 X 10^23.
 Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
 Government expands to absorb revenue, and then some.
 Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management.
 Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"
 Gravity brings me down.
 Gravity is a myth -- the Earth sucks.
 Great beer bellies are made, not born.
 Great hopes make great men.
 Great minds discuss ideas; small ones, people.
 Greed captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.
 Group Insurance:  A gross of condoms.
 Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician.
 Gun control is being able to hit your target!
 Guns - today's leading cause of statistics!
 Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.
 Halitosis is better than no breath at all.
'Hand me that solar-powered flashlight...'
 Handle yourself with your head, handle others with your heart.
 Happiness is a hard disk.
 Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.
 Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
 Happiness is wanting what you have.
 Have a nice day - void where prohibited.
 Have I found God? What? Did you lose him AGAIN?!
 Have you hugged an electric fence today?
"Have you lived in this village all your life?"  "No, not yet."....
 Have you tried on your smile today?
 Having a good memory is useless unless you have something good to remember.
 He "May I kiss you?"  She "Heavens, another amateur!"
 He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
 He has been upset ever since he found out there was no Santa Claus.
 He is a fool who cannot be angry, but he is a wise man who will not.
 He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
 He keeps differentiating.... flying off on a tangent.
 He lives long that lives until all are weary of him.
 He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
 He that knows little soon repeats it.
 He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
 He who dies with the most toys - is dead.
 He who hesitates is last.
 He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
 He who is most concerned is always the last to hear.
 He who knows all the answers never gets asked the questions.
 He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
 He who laughs last is probably your boss.
 He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.
 He who laughs, lasts.
 He who loses his head is usually the last one to miss it.
 He who never sticks out neck, never wins by nose.
 He who puts his nose to the grindstone is a bloody fool.
 He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition burns a picture to get ashes.
 He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
 He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
 He who spares the guilty threatens the innocent.
 He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
 He who tells you how great he is usually isn't.
 He who trains his tongue to quote the learned sages will be known, far and wide, as a smart-ass.
 He's so dumb he thinks Cheerios are doughnut seeds!
 Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
 Health is not valued until sickness comes.
 Heard on Noahs' ark:  Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
 Hearts may agree, though heads differ.
 Heisenburg may have slept here.
 Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
 Help fight truth decay.
 Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
 Help! I'm being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!
 Here I sit, in a tizzy - all my favorite boards are busy.
 Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch?
 Hindsight is always 20/20.
 His fork only has one tong.
 Home is the nicest place you will ever go.
 Homo Sapiens is a virus & the earth has it.
 Honesty is almost always the best policy.
 Honey, I Formatted the Kid!
 Honey, tell Santa I need more ammo...
 Hope is sweeter than possession.
 Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on people.
 Hot dogs are best when served with a ballgame.
 How can you avoid hurting someones feelings without being a liar?
 How can you tell if a man is lying?  His lips move!
 How come wrong numbers are never busy?
 How did Simple Simon tell his two horses apart?  The black one was two hands taller than the white!
 How do I set my Laser Printer to 'STUN'?
 How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
 How does AVON find so many women willing to take orders?
 How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
 How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
 How you look depends a lot on where you go.
 Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
 Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
 Humorists...Those who can talk sensibly about a controversy.
 Hungry men think the cook lazy.
 Hydrogen and Stupidity - the two most common elements.
 Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.
 I am Dangerfield of Borg.  Respect is irrelevant.
 I am free of prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
 I am the root of some evil... send some money.
 I am Zsa Zsa of Borg.  Prepare to be assimilated dahling.
 I backed up my hard drive and ran into a bus.
 I believe there is a higher power: it's called the government.
 I call things as I see them.  Otherwise, I make them up.
 I came real close to seeing Elvis, then my shovel broke.
 I can resist everything except temptation.
 I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
 I can't be overdrawn!  I still have cheques!
 I can't use Windows.  My cat ate my mouse.
 I couldn't repair your brakes so I made your HORN louder.
 I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to tell such LIES!
 I don't GET headaches, I GIVE them!
 I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
 I fought the lawn and the lawn won.
 I had a life once... Now I have a computer.
 I hate making predictions; especially about the future!
 I have a crank to start my car. She drives me to work,too.
 I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
 I have a magnetic personality - keep me away from diskettes.
 I have decided to devote my entire career to looking for a career.
 I have great faith in agnosticism.
 I have made no undetected errors...
 I have one nerve left and you're getting on it...
 I have tried relaxing but somehow I just feel better all up-tight.
 I haven't lost my mind...it's backed up on tape somewhere.
 I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had?
 I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
 I know my efforts deserve my goals, but are my goals worth my efforts?
 I know the sun don't shine on the same dogs *** all the time, but I have been in the shade for years......
 I lied! I'll NEVER be alright!
 I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
 I like work... I can sit and watch it for hours.
 I made it foolproof, but they're making better fools...
 I may be lost, but I'm way ahead of schedule.
 I may have settled in shipping.
 I must hurry, for there they go and I am their leader.
 I need some duck tape.  My duck has a quack in it.
 I never buy books on impulse.  Only on warp.
 I often daydream about my inability to fantasize.
 I passed my ethics course.  I cheated, of course.
 I played poker with tarot cards; got a flush and five people died.
 I practice safe eating...I use condiments.
 I saw Elvis.  He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
 I sentence you to hang by the neck until you cheer up.
 I smell a rat.  Did you bake it or fry it?
 I started out with nothing. I still have most of it. Davis.
 I still miss my ex wife - but my aim is improving!
 I support drug tests. Test the politicians.
 I thank my lucky stars that I'm not superstitious.
 I think I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
 I think I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
 I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree.
 I think, therefore I am overqualified.
 I thought about being born again, but my mother refused.
 I tried to drown my problems but they can swim.
 I tried to play my shoehorn, but all I got were footnotes.
 I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not sure....
 I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
 I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.
"I WANT IT FREE AND I WANT IT YESTERDAY."
 I want to be a veterinarian because I love children.
 I was on a roll, 'till I slipped on the butter.
 I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
 I wouldn't mind being poor if I had lots of money.
 I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.
 I'd be a narcissist, but I'm WAY too ugly.
 I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous..
 I'd have written sooner but I thought I owed you money.
 I'd rather lose my memory than my..ummm...ahhh...never mind.
'I'll be Bach.' - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger.
 I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast and juice.
 I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.....
 I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it.
 I'm a fragment of your imagination.
"I'm a lawyer."  "Honest?"  "No, the usual kind."
 I'm a modemer and I'm OK.  I post all night and I sleep all day.
 I'm a natural blonde, so please speak slowly.
 I'm a pea - I can feel a princess through 50 matresses.
 I'm a virgin, but I'm just not very good at it.
 I'm all for computer dating, But I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
 I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
 I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
 I'm definitely positively maybe decisive.
 I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
 I'm more humble than you are!
 I'm neither for nor against apathy.
 I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT!
 I'm not Canadian, although I tend to like their bacon.
 I'm not conceited, I just can't stand mortals.
 I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged."
 I'm not paranoid. Which one of my enemies said I was?
 I'm not ugly, just aesthetically challenged.
 I'm trying to find myself.  Has anyone seen me lately?
 I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
 I've got a mind like a... a... what's that thing called?
 I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
 IBM stands for 'Inferior But Marketable'
 IBM: I've Been Misled.
 Idealism increases in proportion to the distance from the problem.
 If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out of it's nose?
 If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.
 If a sight is worth seeing, someone will build a highway to it.
 If all else fails, immortality can be assured by spectacular error.
 If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
 If ambition doesn't hurt, you do not have it.
 If at first you don't succeed - so much for skydiving.
 If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
 If at first you don't succeed, deny you even tried.
 If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 If at first you don't succeed, ignore the docs...
 If at first you don't succeed, you'll get lots of advice.
 If credit can possibly go to someone else, it will.
 If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
 If every fool wore a crown, we would all be kings.
 If everyone is on the bandwagon, who's gonna pull?
 If everything seems to be going well, you've probably overlooked something.
 If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
 If God had been in favor of homosexuality, He never would have created Anita Bryant!
 If God lived on Earth, people would knock out his windows.
 If God thought that nudity was okay, we would have been born naked.
 If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
 If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a Porsche?
 If I had my life to live over again, I'd make the same mistakes sooner.
 If I put water in my dog's mouth, will bells ring?
 If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
 If I save time, when do I get it back?
 If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
 If idiots could fly, then this would be an airport.
 If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
 If it ain't broke, let me have a shot at it....
 If it feels good, don't do it.
 If it is to be, it is up to me.
 If it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting dirty for.
 If it isn't borken, don't fix it.
 If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
 If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!
 If it works, Don't fix it.
 If it's stupid, but it works, then it's not stupid.
 If it's tourist season, where do I get a license?
 If J. Paul Getty opened a health resort, would it be a Spa-Getty?
 If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
 If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
 If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
 If nothing is impossible, how do you get off a mailing list? -Dik.
 If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
 If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
 If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
 If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
 If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
 If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
 If Reagan is the answer, it must have been a very silly question.
 If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire!!
 If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
 If the customer wants vanilla, give him vanilla.
 If the shoe fits, buy it.  - Imelda Marcos
 If there is no God, who always pops the next Kleenex?
 If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.
 If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.
 If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
 If written correctly, legalese is perfectly incomprehensible.
 If ya can't say anything nice, sit by me.
 If you ain't Moslem, you ain't Shiite.
 If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons really was a nut?
 If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?
 If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
 If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
 If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
 If you come up with a lemon, make lemonade.
 If you don't have a memory like an elephant, leave tracks like one.
 If you expected it to be easy, you should have become a politician.
 If you get up one time more than you fall you will make it through.
 If you have to be responsible, it's not power.
 If you have to tell people you're famous, you aren't.
 If you have to travel on a Titanic, why not go first class?
 If you hear an onion ring, please answer it!
 If you itch for it, scratch for it.
 If you love life, it will love you back.
 If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk?
 If you run after two hares, you will catch neither.
 If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it.
 If you see an onion ring...Answer it.
 If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
 If you stand up to be counted someone will take your seat.
 If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.
 If you think yesterday was a drag, just wait until you see tomorrow!
 If you think you have no faults, that makes one.
 If you wanna know the value of money, try to borrow some.
 If you want something badly, that is how you get it.
 If you want to cheer up, cheer up someone.
 If you want to kill time, why not try working it to death?
 If you're not rejected at least three times a week you're not really trying.
 If you've got part of it, flaunt that part.
 If your feet smell and your nose runs, you were built upside down.
 If your parents didn't have children, odds are that you won't either.
 If your ship doesn't come in, swim to it.
 Ignorance is temporary; Stupidity lasts forever!!!
 Illiterate?  Write for FREE HELP!
 Impeach Clinton...and her husband!
 Improve mail delivery... mail the posties their pay!!
 In any organization there will always be one person who knows what's going on.  This person must be identified and fired.
 In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
 In case of injury notify your superior immediately - He'll kiss it and make it better!
'In closing' is always followed by the other half of the speech.
 In England there are 60 religions and 3 sauces.....
 In every large problem is a small problem waiting to get out.
 In every real man a child is hidden who wants to play.
 In fair weather prepare for foul.
 In God we trust, all others we voice verify.
 In God we trust; all others pay cash.
 In need of a good reformatting.
 In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
 In order to reach the sea, a river often detours around many obstacles.
 In politics you can often be wrong but never in doubt.
 In the presence of great men, even fools hide their faults.
 In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
 Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
 Inconceivable!    - Vizzini
 Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?
 Indecision is the key to flexibility.
 Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
 Instead of being born again, why not just grow up?
 Instruction ends in the classroom, but education ends only with life.
 Interchangeable parts ... Don't.
 Intuition is reason in a hurry.
 Invest in physics - own a piece of Dirac!
 Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
 Is a Jamaican terminal a raster-farian?
 Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse?
 Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
"Is that seat saved?"  "No, but we're praying for it."
 Is there a lawyer is the house?   -=}BLAM{=-   Any more?
 Is there a Lemon Law for Presidents too?
 Is there any truth to the rumor that everything is really okay?
 Is this yours?  Your dog left it on my lawn.
 Isn't 'Dumb Blonde' a peroxymoron?
 It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
 It is a sin peculiar to people to hate their victims.
 It is always much harder to find a job than to keep one.
 It is as natural to die as to be born.
 It is better to be hated than to be ignored.
 It is better to be wise than to be smart.
 It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
 It is better to suffer wrong than to do it.
 It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
 It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them.
 It is never too late to learn.
 It is not necessary to fall into a well to know its depth.
 It isn't the whistle that moves the train.
 It may be that perpetual peace can only be brought about by perpetual war.
 It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit.
 It takes a mature person to be really young.
 It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.
 It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines...
 It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
 It's a fine line between fishing & standing still.
 It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
 It's always darkest just before you step on the cat.
 It's as easy as 3.14159265358979323846....
 It's bad luck to be superstitious.
 It's better to retire too soon than too late.
 It's easier to do good than be good.
 It's easy to suggest the solution when you don't know the problem.
 It's hard to be humble when you are so perfect.
 It's mind over matter - it you don't mind, it don't matter.
 It's not 55mph, it's 147,840 furlongs per fortnight.
 It's not a matter of life and death - it's much more important than that.
 It's not cute being this easy.
 It's not how old you are but how you are old.
 It's not only fine feathers that make fine birds.
 It's not only who you know but what you know about who you know that counts.
 It's only eighteen inches between a pat on the back and a kick in the pants.
 It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
 It's smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces.
 It's sweet to be remembered, but cheaper to be forgotten.
 Its hard to be graceful getting off your high horse.
 Jealousy is the greatest evil.
 Jealousy:  all the fun you think they have.
 Jesus Saves!  Passes to Moses, He shoots. He SCORES!
 Jesus Saves... Johnson scores on the rebound.
 Jesus Saves... Vishnu invests.
 Jimmy Hoffa, call your office.
 Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
 Judge people by what they are, not where they are.
 Junk: stuff we throw away.  Stuff: junk we keep.
 Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
 Just don't let Kirk show you what he calls "The Captain's Log."
 Just fill out one simple form to win an IRS Audit!
 Just when you think you're winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat.
 Keep America Beautiful - swallow your beer cans.
 Keep America Beautiful....  emigrate.
 Keep laughing at death, and eventually at least you may die laughing.
'Keep the smoke inside.' -- 1st Rule of Electronics.
 Keep your eyes open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
 Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to eat them later.
 KENNEDY COMPOUND - KEEP OUT - TRESPASSERS WILL BE VIOLATED
 Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging!
 Kindness consists of loving people more than they deserve.
 Kindness is like a boomerang - it always comes back.
 Kisses are love's messengers.
 Kissing a man without a moustache is like eating an egg without salt.
 Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.
 Kleptomaniac: a rich thief.
 Knowing Murphy's law won't help.
 Knowledge is knowing that you don't know.
 Knowledge is power - if you know it about the right person.
 Labor: one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
 Lake Erie died for your sins.
 Latin is a real angina gluteus maximus.
 Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
 Laughter lubes life's engine.
 Laughter...The no side effect tranquilizer.
 Lawmakers should not be lawbreakers.
 Lawyers work in their briefs.
 Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
 Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
 Leakproof seals ... Do.
 Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
 Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.
 Less is more.
 Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
 Let not your tongue cut your throat.
 Let the meek inherit the Earth, I want the stars!
 Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
 Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
 Let's see your tagline hunting permit, sir.
 Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
 Life and liberty are safe only when congress is in recess.
 Life is a horse, either you ride it or it rides you.
 Life is a yo-yo and mankind keeps tying knots in the string.
 Life is one long process of getting tired.
 Life is only understood backward, but must be lived forward.
 Life is sexually transmitted and terminal.
 Life is what goes by while you are watching television.
 Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
 Life would be much easier if I had the source code.
 Life's not passing me by....it's RUNNING ME OVER!!!!
 Life...MTBF?
 Light at end of tunnel will be out until further notice.
 Light at the end of the tunnel? Look out for that train.
 Limit M.P.'s to two terms...1 in Parliament & 1 in Jail.
 Little things attract little minds.
 Little things come in small packages.
 Live now -- procrastinate tomorrow!
 Loafer - someone trying to make two weekends meet.
 Loan someone a sympathetic ear.
 Logic is neither an art or a science but a dodge.
 Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.
 Looking out for #1, trying not to step in #2.
 Lose weight - eat stuff you hate.
 Lose weight - put a scale in front of the 'frig.
 Losing makes winning worthwhile.
 Losing your drivers' license is simply God's way of saying 'BOOGA, BOOGA!'
 LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer.
 Love America - or give it back.
 Love does much but money does more.
 Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
 Love is grand, divorce is twenty grand.
 Love is like a pair of socks - you must have two and they have to match.
 Love is nothing more than sentimental measles.
 Love sees no faults.
 LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
 Lysdexia: a peech imspediment we live to learn with...
 MacIntosh:  Computer with training wheels you can't remove.
 Mad at your neighbor?  Buy his kid a drum!
 Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.
 Make a living, but make room for life.
 Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
 Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.
 Man is the only animal that blushes... or needs to.
 Many a man never fails because he never tries.
 Many times in order to receive something, you have to ask for it.
 Many would be cowards if they had enough courage.
 Marching to the beat of a different kettle of fish...
 Mary had a little lamb.  The doctor was surprised.
 Massive expenditures obscure the evidence of bad judgments.
 Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.
 May all your PUSHes be POPed.
 May I buy less government please?
 May the bugs of many programs nest on your hard drive.
 Maybe it was something your mother took during pregnancy.
 Me, indecisive?  I'm not so sure about that.
 Meets government specs, if any are applicable.
 Men are most apt to believe what they least understand.
 Men are neither suddenly rich nor suddenly good.
 Men have many faults, women only two, all they say & all they do.
 Men invented computers to drive women crazier!
 Men show their character best by the things they laugh at.
 Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
 METRONOME - a small person riding the subway.
 Mickey Mouse wears a Ronald Reagan watch.
 Microbiology Lab:  Staph Only!
 Microwaves frizz your heir.
 Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
 Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
 Millihelen: amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
 Millihelen: Unit of beauty needed to launch 1 ship.
 Minds are like parachutes..They only work when they're open.
 Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.
 Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
 Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.
 Misfortune: the kind of fortune that never misses.
 Misfortunes one can endure - they come from outside, they are accidents.  But to suffer for one's own faults - Ah! there is the sting of life.
 Misspelled?  Impossible.  My modem is error correcting.
 Mistakes will happen, but don't give them too much help.
 Mistrust first impulses, they are always good.
 MODEM: Modus Operandi Device for Evil Minds
 Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
 Money Can Make You Rich!
 Money can't buy poverty -- you sort of have to earn it.
 Money is like a promise, easier made than kept.
 Money is like manure - it is meant to be spread around.
 Money is the root of all evil, but man needs roots.
 Money is the root of all evils.  Send $20 for more information.
 Money is the root of all wealth.
 Money lent to a friend must be recovered from an enemy.
 Money makes not so many true friends as real enemies.
 Money talks! Mine just said goodbye!!
 Mongo only pawn in game of life.
'Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition.'
 More people are run down by gossip than by automobiles.
 More people have died in Teddy Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
 Morfy's law - Enythink thit ken go rong willl.
 Most men have died without creating; not one has died without destroying.
 Most people don't care what happens so long as it doesn't happen to them.
 Most people raise their voice rather than reinforcing their point.
 Most visions of utopian society don't take into account that the idealogical descendants of Ghengis Khan and Attila the Hun are alive & well & sitting next to you on the bus.            Jim Porcher 198?
 Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
 Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.
 MP stands for Magnificent Pension.
 Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
 Multitasking = screwing up several things at once.
 Murder is just an extroverted suicide...
 Murphy was an optimist.
 Murphy's Golden Rule:  Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
 My arm! said Captain Hook offhandedly.
 My BBS is baroque now.  Please call Bach later with your Handel.
 My brain operation was considered minor surgery.
 My Canada includes Florida from November until April...
 My computer isn't that nervous...it's just a bit ANSI.
 My computer's sick.  I think my modem is a carrier.
 My dad hit me only once - with the Buick.
 My disappointments come in all sizes, to fit my hopes.
 My favorite mythical creature?  The honest politician.
"My God, it's full of stores!" - 2001: A Shopping Odyssey
 My horse got shot, so I had to break his leg...
 My kid just beat up your honor student.
 My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.
 My mind ain't so open that anything can crawl right in.
 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
 My other computer is a Compaq 386!
 My reality check just bounced.
 My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
 My wife gives good headache.
 Necessity is a mother..........
 Necrophilia: a dead art..
 Neil Armstrong tripped.
 Neutrinos are into physicists.
 Neutrinos have bad breadth.
 Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.
 Never ask for a pardon before you have been accused.
 Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
 Never call a man fool when you can borrow money from him instead.
 Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
 Never go to sea with two chronometers, take one or three.
 Never hit a man with glasses...Use your fist.
 Never joke with the ignorant. They take it seriously and think you're crazy.
 Never judge a book by its movie.
 Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.
 Never let your studies interfere with your education.
 Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory.
 Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!
 Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
 Never slap a child in the face - there are plenty of other places.
 Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
 Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
 Never step in anything soft.
 Never trust a skinny cook.
 Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
 Never violate the Prime Directory!  C:\
 Never, EVER trust a draft dodger....
 Never, ever, play leapfrog with a unicorn.
 New from Microsoft: OS/2: The brain-damaged o/s for the brain-damaged chip!
 Newsflash! Dyslexic Christian sells soul to Santa.
 Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
 Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
 No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
 No amount of poor schooling can spoil a good student.
 No answer is also an answer.
 No executive ever devotes any effort to proving himself wrong.
 No good deed goes unpunished.
 No honest man ever repented of his honesty.
 No man is a fool always, but all men are fools sometimes.
 No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
 No man is lonely while eating spaghetti - it requires so much attention.
 No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney.
 No matter which way you spit, it's up wind.
 No matter who you vote for the government wins!
 No mud can soil us but the mud we throw.
 No offence intended to those that offence not intended to.
 No one can get ahead of you when they're kicking you in the rear.
 No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
 No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
 No purchase required, details inside package.
 No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
 No special reason, just government policy.
 No speech can be entirely bad if it is short enough.
 No, dear - smoke is SUPPOSED to come out...
 No, that chair isn't saved. But we're praying for it!
 Nobody ever puts out a sign that says NICE DOG.
 Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded....
 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be...
 Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute.
 Not all the cookies are in the jar.
 Not tonight, dear.  I have a modem.
 Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
 Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
 Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
 Nothing is as easy as it looks.
 Nothing is opened more often by mistake than the mouth.
 Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.
 Nothing is sometimes the best thing to say.
 Nothing makes a vacation seem better than hindsight.
 Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss do an honest day's work.
 Nothing really happens until it happens to you.
 Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
 Nothing ventured... nothing gained... nothing taxed!!!
 Nothing vouchered, nothing gained.
 Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.
 Now is the time for all good men to come to.
 Now this won't hurt a bit....
~NOW~ is a point in time that is already gone.
 Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
 Nuke the Whales!
 Obey little! Resist much! Question authority! Eat fibre!
 Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.
 Observe the face of the wife to know the husband's character.
 Occasional chair: What is it the rest of the time?
 Of all liars, memory is the most convincing.
 Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
 Oh no, not another learning experience!
 Oh sure!  But what's the speed of dark?
'Oh what a tangled web we weave' - Hair Club for Men.
 Oh, goody!  My Alludium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!
 Oh, hell!  My mood ring just exploded!
 Oh, I'm sorry...were the voices in my head bothering you?
 Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!
 Oh, well... never mind!
 OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to be eccentric.
 Ok, now let's see what happens WITHOUT the parrot.
 Old age = you + 20 years.
 Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
 Old age comes at a bad time in life.
 Old age needs so little, but it needs that little so much.
 Old frogs never die...But they do croak!
 Old is always fifteen years older than I am.
 Old is needing a fire permit for your birthday cake.
 Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
"Old poets never die, they just ride off into the sonnet."
 Old soldiers never die. Young soldiers do.
 On a clear disk you can seek forever...
 On all lasergrams:  Don't forget the Zap code.
 On finding a stone we see no dog; on seeing a dog we find no stone.
 On the edge of a precipice, only a fool does cartwheels.
 On the other hand... you have five different fingers.
 On the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise: "Where no man has gone before".
 On what conclusions do you base your facts?
 One accurate measurement is worth a thousand expert opinions.
 One already wet does not fear the rain.
 One can never underestimate the intelligence of the electorate.
 One enemy can harm you more than one hundred friends can do you good.
 One good turn gets all the blankets.
 One hand cannot applaud.
 One is tolerant only of that which does not concern him.
 One lie makes many.
 One lie or one peanut...One leads to another.
 One man plus courage is a majority.
 One murder makes a villain, millions make a hero.
 One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.
 One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
 One of the great labor-saving devices of today is my spouse!
 One of the great labor-saving devices of today is tomorrow.
 One of the hardest secrets for a man to keep is his opinion of himself.
 One of these days is none of these days.
 One seventh of our lives is spent on Mondays.
 One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
 One who has a clear conscience has a foggy memory.
 Only a ballplayer's errors are published every day.
 Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
 Only adults have trouble with child-proof bottles.
 Only fools say it can't be done.
 Only God can make random selections.
 Open minded?  Space Cadet?  Vacuum Technology?
 Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.
 OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
 Operator?  Give me the number for nine-one-one!!
 Opinions are like assholes - everybody has one.
 Opportunities do not wait.
 Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of catsup).
 Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
 OS/2: JUST SAY NO!
 OS/2=0
 Others look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
 Our own grief produces pity for another.
 Our pleasures are imagined, but our griefs are all real.
 Over the hill? What hill? I didn't see a hill!
'Paid off'?  What does that mean?
 Pain is forgotten; insult lingers on.
 Pain is inevitable.  Misery, however, is an option.
 Paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers.
 Paranoid: someone who just figured out what's going on.
 Pardon my driving; I'm trying to reload.
 Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them.  A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.
 Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
 Patience abused becomes fury.
 Peace is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it.
 Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
 Peck! Peck! Peck! ... Boom! .... Chicken in a Minefield.
 People forget how fast you did a job, but remember how well you did it.
 People have one thing in common: they are all different.
 People seldom plan to fail, but they often fail to plan.
 People seldom want to walk over you until you lie down.
 People should be measured in feats, not feet.
 People usually get what's coming to them, unless it's been mailed.
 People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
 People who kill people give guns a bad name.
 People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
 People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
 People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
 Permanent solutions never work.
 Personally, I don't believe in atheists.
 Pets: pure love contained in soft packages.
 Pharmaceutical companies have it made.  You have to take their vitamins so you can open their medicine bottles.
 Pick a window........you're going through it.
 Pilots are just plane folks.
 Plain dealing is more often praised than practiced.
 Plasma is another matter.
 Plastic packaged foods are very uncanny.
 Please disregard the previous fortune cookie.
 Please help me to be patient. And Hurry!
 Please hold, a representative will annoy you shortly.
 Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
 Plow a straight furrow and you're in a rut.
 Poise is the act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.
 Politeness is the art of choosing among your thoughts.
 POLITICALLY CORRECT TAGLINE:  ALL MEN ARE SCUM.
 Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
 Polluting New Jersey...like who's gonna notice?
 Pollytheism n.; the belief that God is a parrot.
 Polymer physicists are into chains.
 Positive: mistaken at the top of one's voice.
 Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
 Poverty and love are hard to hide.
 Poverty is the root of all evil.
 Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
 Power does not corrupt fools, but fools corrupt power.
 Practice makes perfect, but no one's perfect, so why practice?
 Practice random kindness & senseless acts of beauty.
 Practice safe fax...ALWAYS use a cover slip.
 Practiss makes perfict.
 Praise a wife but remain a bachelor.
 Pray as if it were up to God, but work as if it were up to you.
 Pray for what you want but work for what you need.
 Precinct toilet stolen - police have nothing to go on.
 Prejudice is the child of ignorance.
 Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
 Press to test.  Release to detonate.
 Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!
 Pride and grace never dwell in one place.
 Pride in prosperity becomes misery in adversity.
 Pride is what we have...Vanity is what others have.
 Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
 Procrastination - the art of keeping up with yesterday.
 Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark.
 Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
 Programmers get overlaid.
 Progress implies a direction.
 Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
 Proverbial excrement hits oscillating air device.
 Prunes give you a run for your money.
 Psst, your file is open.
 Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
 Psychoceramics - the study of crackpots.
 Psychoceramics....The Study of Crackpots.
 Pun: the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it first.
 Push something hard enough and eventually it will fall over.
 Put all your eggs in one basket, and WATCH THAT BASKET!
 Put on your seatbelt.  I wanna try something....
 Put your nose to the grindstone and you're a bloody fool.
 Pygmies placed on giants' shoulders see more than the giants themselves.
 Question authority before they question you!
 Question: Man invented alcohol. God invented grass. Who do you trust?
 Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore.'
 Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
 Raise ducks for a quack profit.
 RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
'Read my lips, no nude Texan's'. What George really said.
 Real joy comes from doing something worthwhile.
 Real power comes out of wall outlets.
"Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand."
 Reality does not exist - yet.
 Reality is a fictitious concept I find aesthetically appealing.
 Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
 Reality-ometer:  [\........]  Hmmph!  Thought so...
 Recovering blonde.
 Recursive, adj.; see Recursive.
 Reduce your I.O.U. To I.R.S with an I.R.A.
 Reincarnation means you never get away with anything.
 Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!
 Remarriage after divorce is the triumph of hope over experience.
 Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
 Remember: even if you win the rat race, you will still be a rat.
 Repartee: an insult with a suit and tie on.
 Research:  noun - plural form of plagiarism.
 Resistance Is Futile!   (If < 1 ohm)
 Respect must be earned, not commanded.
 Roll up your sleeves...And you won't lose your shirt.
 ROM wasn't built in a day.
 Ronald Reagan: Milli Vanilli of presidents.
 Rubber bands have snappy endings.
 Same to you (whatever you meant by that)!
 Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
 Sarcasm works better when it's spelled correctly.
 Satyrs have more faun.
 Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
 Say nothing & they think your stupid..Talk & they know for sure.
 Schopenhauer named envy and sympathy as the characteristics that are responsible for the main difference in people, stating that envy created a wall between people and sympathy negated any barrier.
 Second chances aren't usually associated with first impressions.
 Secret negotiations are usually neither.
 Sects!  Sects!  Sects!  Is that all Monks think about?
 Seems just like yesterday . . . Hey!  It was!
 Seminars: derived from 'semi' and 'arse'; hence, any half-assed discussion.
 SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
 Sensors identify the creatures as "scrubbing bubbles."
 Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
 Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
 SET DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.
 Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. 'Yes' is the answer.
 Sex: even when it's bad, it's good.
 Shampoo?  No thanks, I'll use real poo.
 Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
 She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.
 She won't last forever, so why give her a diamond?
 Shell to DOS...Come in Dos, do you copy?  Shell to DOS...
 Shepherd's Pie = 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169... sheep.
 Shift to the left, shift to the right, mask in, mask out, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE !!!
 Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark.
 Shopping Tip:  Shoes are only 85› at the bowling alley.
 Short cut ... The longest distance between two points.
 Si Ivory est pur … 99.44%, le .56% qui reste, c'est quoi?
 Silence cannot be misquoted.
 Silence is not only golden; it's seldom misquoted.
 Since the left half of the brain controls the right half of the body, only we lefties are in our right minds.
 Sir, sonar reports screw noises.
 Sirens:  What you hear in a Japanese library.
 Sits he on ever so high a throne, a man still sits on his bottom.
 Size and color will vary....
 Skydiving:  Good to the last drop.
 Small programs are for small minds.
 Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
 Smile - it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
 Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
 Smile! Things can only get worse.
 So many jerks, so few bullets.
 So much to learn, so little time.
 So much work, and so few women to do it.
 Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software.
 Solitude..A great place to visit, but a bad place to stay.
 Some have bread who have no teeth left.
 Some minds NEED to be altered.
 Some of us quit looking for work when we find a job.
 Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.
 Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live.
 Some people aren't hard of hearing, but hard of listening.
 Some people fish in the Sea of Life without bait.
 Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them.
 Somebody's terminal is dropping bits. I found a pile of them over in the corner.
 Somehow I have to believe that I'm worth all the aggravation I cause myself.
 Sometimes I wish I could get a mirror with a better view.
 Sometimes let things happen but sometimes make things happen.
 Sometimes silence is the best way to yell at the top of your voice.
 Sometimes the best defense is a skillful surrender.
 Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
 Sometimes wrong, but never in doubt.
 Sometimes you're a bug..Sometimes you're a windshield!
 Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia conference!
 Sorry, I haven't got time to understand anything.
 Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors.
 Southern DOS:  Y'all reckon? (Yep/nope)
 Speaking without thinking is like shooting without taking aim.
 Spelling checkers at maximum!  Fire!
 Stalin's grave was a communist plot.
 Starfleet Academy has a drama department?
 Statistics can be used to support anything, especially statisticians.
 STATUS QUO is Latin for "the mess we're in."
 Stepping on people's toes messes up their shine.
 Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
'Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting'  RAh.
 Success comes in a can.  Failure comes in a can not.
 Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan.
 Success has ruined many a good man.
 Success is a matter of luck; just ask any failure.
 Success is like a fart - you can only stand your own.
 Success is not permanent, neither is failure.
 Suicide is confession and confession is suicide.
 Support safe housing; use condos.
 Support the right to arm bears.
 Support your local medical examiner...die strangely.
 Sure fire diet, swallowing pride.
 Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.
 Surrender now - before I have to offer you better terms.
 Suspicion poisons a friendship.
 Swallow your pride, it is non-fattening.
 Swallowing angry words is much easier than having to eat them.
 Syntax?  Why not?  They tax everything else!
 Tact - changing the subject without changing the mind.
 Tact is getting your point across without stabbing someone with it.
 Tagline thievery...on the next Geraldo!
 Tailgater - one who makes ends meet.
 Take an astronaut to launch.
 Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
 Take time to smell the roses and eventually you'll inhale a bee.
 Talk is cheap since supply exceeds demand.
 Talk is cheap unless you hire a lawyer.
 Tax forms should read "income owed us" and "in commode you".
 Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
 Teachers have class.
 Teaching is the fine art of imparting knowledge without possessing it.
 Teamwork is vital!  (It gives you someone to blame.)
 Teenagers, God's punishment for enjoying sex.
 Television is to media what hydrogen bombs are to explosives.
 Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong.
 Tell a lie and find the truth.
 Tell the truth and run.
 Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember.
 Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.
 Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
 Thank goodness for my twit filter.
 Thank you for holding your breath while I smoke.
 Thank you for not annoying me more than you do...
 That does not compute.
 That must be wonderful; I don't understand it at all. Molier.
 That which we resist the most is what we become.
 The advantage to being a pessimist is that all your surprises are pleasant.
"The answer is 42."
 The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
 The beard does not make the philosopher.
 The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are assigned to the project.
 The beatings will continue until morale improves.
 The best alternative to INTELLIGENCE is SILENCE.
 The best defense is a good offense.
 The best fish swim near the bottom.
 The best mirror is an old friend.
 The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
 The best thing to hold onto in this world is each other.
 The best time to buy anything is last year.
 The best vacations are spent near the budget.
 The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas.
 The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
 The bird that can sing and won't sing must be made to sing.
 The bird: a nest, the spider: a web, man: friendship.
 The blood of the soldier makes the glory of the general.
 The buck doesn't even slow down here!
 The buck stops at the desk over there.
 The Buck stops here, the Dough just visits..
 The chief cause of divorce is matrimony.
 The chief cause of problems is solutions.
 The cost of feathers is higher, that makes down up.
 The cow is a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
 The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.
 The cure may be worse than the disease.
 The days of the digital watch are numbered.
 The dead outnumber the living more than 30 to 1.
 The dentist never talks to his patients until the drill is in their mouths.
 The devil finds work for idle glands.
 The difference between ideas and results is a good manager.
 The dimmer the light, the greater the scandal.
"THE DOCTOR IS ON..."
 The early bird suffers from insomnia.
 The Earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much much heavier.
 The Electric Chair Choice: Regular or Extra Crispy.
 The fairest rose at last will be withered.
 The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self.
 The first Christian gets the hungriest lions.
 The first loss is the easiest.
 The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
 The floggings will continue until morale improves.
 The fool wanders; the wise man travels.
 The fool who is silent can pass for wise.
 The future is like the present, only longer.
 The future is when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.
 The future isn't what it used to be.
 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
 The goal of Computing Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.    -- David Oster.
 The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
 The greatest ability is dependability.
 The greatest hate springs from the greatest love.
 The greatest man in history was the poorest.
 The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people said couldn't be done.
 The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
 The harder you work the luckier you get.
 The higher the ape climbs the more he shows his bald haunches.
 The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity - the rest is overhead for the operating system.
 The human race has only one effective weapon, and that is laughter.
 The King is a fink!
 The ladder of success is easier to climb when laid flat.
 The leading cause of statistics is smoking.
 The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
 The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
 The less influence you have, the longer you wait.
 The less you have to do, the less time you find to do it in.
 The less you say, the less you have to take back.
 The longer a man is wrong, the surer he is that he's right.
 The longer the letter, the less chance of its being read.
 The longer you keep your temper the better it will get.
 The longest list has a final item.
 The man who has accomplished all that he thinks worthwhile has begun to die.
 The man who invented the eraser had the human race pretty well sized up.
 The masses are the opium of religion.
 The mob has many heads but no brains.
 The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
 The more heavily a man should be taxed, the more power he has to avoid it.
 The more laws, the more offenders.
 The more things you own, the more you are owned by things.
 The more you say, the less people remember.
 The most exciting place to discover talent is within yourself.
 The most intelligent people we know are those who ask advice.
 The most solid stone is the lowest one in the foundation.
 The most valuable gift you can give your family is a good example.
 The number of a person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.
 The number of women a man find attractive is truly proportionate to his age.
 The official Canadian DOS prompt..........EH:\>
 The old know more about being young than the young know about being old.
 The only alternative to perseverance is failure.
 The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
 The only one who got everything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
 The only perfect science is hindsight.
 The only short meetings are when no one shows up.
 The only time some people work like a horse is when their boss rides them.
 The other line always moves faster.
 The past looks better the farther away you get.
 The person who snores loudest will fall asleep first.
 The pot at the end of the rainbow is not Acapulco Gold.
 The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
 The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
 The real objective of a committee isn't to reach a decision but to avoid it.
 The registered copy don't work either?
 The road to the patent office is paved with good inventions.
 The road to understanding is a long, hard path; I was advised to take my lunch and a change of clothes.    Wayne Sorge/1981
 The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.
 The secret of education lies in respecting the pupil.
 The secret of selling yourself is to have a product you truly believe in.
 The shortest distance between two points is generally under repair.
 The six steps in a project: 1) Unbounded enthusiasm 2) Total disillusionment 3) PANIC!!! 4) Frantic search for the guilty 5) Punishment of the innocent 6) Promotion of the uninvolved.
 The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.
 The smallest handcuff in the world is a wedding ring.
 The solution of this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader.
 The strangest of all birth defects is an inability to see things my way.
 The temporary alternative to death is insecurity.
 The trouble with resisting temptation is that it may never come again.
 The truth is always the strongest argument.
 The tweeters are all burned out....
 The universe is simple - it's the explanation that's complex.
 The upper crust is just a bunch of crumbs clinging together.
 The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
 The wages of sin is death. (Which, after taxes, is just a bad feeling.)
 The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
 The world gets better every day, then worse again in the evening.
 The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
 The world is coming to an end. Please log off...
 The world is full of surprises, very few of which are pleasant.
 The world's as ugly as sin, and nearly as delightful.
 The world's full of cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.
 The worm in the sour apple doesn't know any better.
 The worst ice cream flavor is probably squirrel.
 The worst thing about censorship is ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ.
 The worst thing about ignorance is its insistency.
 The young are slaves to novelty, the old to custom.
 The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
 Them that has gits.
 Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
 There are 3 kinds of people - those who can count & those who can't.
 There are no absolute answers to life - just revelations.
 There are no ESC keys on prison PCs.
 There are no facts, only interpretations.
 There are no winners in life; only survivors.
 There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
 There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
 There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.
 There is always free cheese in a mousetrap.
 There is never sunshine without shadow.
 There is no dark side of the moon.  Really.
 There never was a good knife made of bad steel.
 There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
 There's no fool like an old fool, 'cause he's experienced.
 There's no future in time travel.
 There's no government like no government.
 There's so much to learn and so much of it not worth learning.
 Theres never time to do it right, only time to do it over.
 Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
 They are not inherently narrow minded, but it is hard to find one who can look down both sides of an ax blade at the same time.
 They mean to win Wimbledon!
 They who give have all things; they who withhold have nothing.
 Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before.
 Things work better if you plug them in.
 Things worth having are worth cheating for.
 Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best.
 This cookie is void where prohibited, licensed, or taxed.
 This cookie will soon appear as a Bantam paperback.
 This information fills a much needed gap.
 This is a good day to let down old friends who need help.
 This starship brakes for black holes.
 This Tagline will appear 1/2 hour later in Newfoundland.
 Those who can, do. Those who cannot, simulate.
 Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach.
 Those who do the most usually demand the least.
 Those who like sausage or political policy should not watch it being made.
 Those who think they know it all upset those of us who do.
 Thousands of journeys have a start but no end.
 Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
 Time and words can never be recalled.
 Time flies like an arrow -- fruit flies like a banana.
 Time for culture, gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet.
 Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
 Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
 Time is natures way of keeping everything from happening at once.
 To be or not to be, those are the parameters.
 To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
 To do nothing is in every man's power.
 To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.
 To err is human; to blame it on someone else is more human.
 To err is human; to forgive is against company policy.
 To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.
 To err is human; to moo bovine.
 To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
 To find a policeman in a hurry, double-park.
 To get a loan you must prove you don't need it.
 To have a friend you must first be one.
 To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
 To make a speech immortal you don't have to make it everlasting.
 To regret nothing is the beginning of wisdom.
 To rest is to rust.
 Today I am feeling ept, ane and sipid.
 Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
 Today's subliminal message is             .
 Tomorrow never comes.
 Too busy to laugh?  Then you are too busy.
 Too few of the bucks stop here.
 Too many people confuse free speech with loose talk.
 Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
 Topologists are just plane folks, Pilots -- plane folks, Carpenters -- plane folks, Midwest farmers -- plain folks, Musicians -- playin' folks, Whodunit readers -- Spillaine folks, Some Londoners -- P. Lane folks.
 Travel by TARDIS: It's not necessarily faster, but it is definitely more interesting!
 Treat each day as your last, one day you will be right.
 Trespassers will be experimented on!
 Trouble with political jokes is they get elected.
 Trust everybody, but always cut the cards.
 Trust me, I know how how this works....
 Try Milk of Amnesia - when you need to forget.
 Trying to sell a product you have never used is like trying to sell a belief you have never believed in.
 TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
 Two can live as cheaply as one... for half as long.
 Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
 Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
 Two's company and three's the result.
 UFO's are real; the Air Force doesn't exist.
 Unwritten laws can not be erased.
 Use contraceptives on every conceivable occasion!
 Vanity is the food of fools.
 Variables won't; constants aren't.
 Verbal agreements frequently lead to verbal disagreements.
 Verbosity: Refuge Of Those With Nothing Original To Say.
 Virginity can be cured.
 Virtue is its own revenge.
 Volume in Drive C:  TOO_LOUD!
 Vows made in storms are forgotten in calms.
 Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
 Wait until it is night before saying it has been a fine day.
'Wait' is a hard word to the hungry.
 Walt Disney is in suspended animation.
 Wanna do something big? Pick up a boulder.
 Want to forget all your troubles? Wear tight shoes.
 War is death's feast.
 War never decides who is right, only who is left.
 WARNING: No user serviceable characters in this tagline.
 Warranty: If it breaks, both halves are yours.
 Wasting time is an important part of life.
 We all live in a yellow subroutine.
 We are NOT surrounded.  We are in a target-rich environment.
 We do not count a man's years until he has nothing else to count.
 We do precision guesswork.
 We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
 We got rid of our kids.  The cats are allergic!
 We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
 We hired you to babysit. You cooked and ate them BOTH?
 We learn from history that we don't learn from history.
 We live in a world where nothing is impossible, except peace and happiness.
 We must believe in free will.  We have no choice.
 We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.
 We put up with being surpassed more easily than with being equaled.
 We secretly replaced the dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals...
 We should back the metric system every 2.54cm of the way.
 We should go metric every inch of the way.
 We're all going down the same road in different directions.
 We're all part of the human race but racing faster won't make us more human.
 Weak things united become strong.
 Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs.
 Welcome to Westworld, where nothing can go wornggg...
 Welfare and TV are today's bread and circuses.
 Well done is better than well said.
 Well if you need me, I'll call you--and if I want your opinion, I'll give it to you...
 Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
 What does this red button do?
 What fools these morals be!
 What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
 What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
 What I ought to do, I can; if I can, why don't i?
 What if there were no hypothetical situations?
 What is mine is mine, yours is negotiable.
 What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking someone else to do.
 What makes Teflon stick to the pan?
 What many orators lack in depth they give you in length.
 What may be, may not be.
 What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
 What the world needs is an electric match.
 What this country needs is a good five-cent ANYTHING!
 What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.
 What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
 What we are is God's gift to us - what we become is our gift to God.
 What we learn after we know it all is what counts.
 What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich.
 What you enjoy is much more important than what you have.
 What you see can depend on what you look for.
 Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
 Whatever their faults, the Communists never created canned laughter.
 When a man is down everyone runs over him.
 When a man's wife learns to understand him, she stops listening to him.
 When all else fails, read the instructions.
 When all is said and done more will be said than done.
 When an agnostic dies, does he go to the Great Perhaps?
 When an oyster is irritated, it makes a pearl.
 When angry, count to ten; when very angry, count to a hundred.
 When everybody is somebody, then nobody is anybody.
 When faith & hope fail try charity - it's love in action.
 When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
 When I was a kid, I was an imaginary playmate.
 When in doubt, mumble.
 When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
 When money talks there are few interruptions.
 When need is greatest help is nearest.
 When people share their fears with you, share some courage.
 When policy fails, try thinking.
 When poverty knocks at the door, love flies out the window.
 When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
 When shooting a mime, do you need a silencer?
 When talking nonsense try not to be serious.
 When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
 When the well is dry we know the worth of water.
 When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.
 When you are in a peach orchard, don't look for turnips.
 When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
 When you get what you want you don't want it as much.
 When you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
 When you have sour cream every problem looks like a potato.
 When you kill time you murder success.
 When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
 When you're through changing, you're through.
 When you're up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
 When you're up to your hips in alligators, you forget the original project was to drain the swamp.
 When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
 Whenever you learn all the answers, they change all the questions.
 Where are we going?  And why are we in this handbasket?
 Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it?
 Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
 Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.
 Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
 Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.
 Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?
 While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
 White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
 Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
 Who knows most says least.
 Who loves well is slow to forget.
 Whoever lies with dogs rises with fleas.
 Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
 Whoever profits by the crime is guilty of it.
 Whoever rows the boat doesn't have time to rock it.
 Whoever tries for great objects must suffer something.
 Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane.
 Why are creditor's memories better than debtors?
 Why are today's rough times always tomorrow's good old days?
 Why be a man when you can be a success?
 Why bother phoning a psychic? -  let 'em phone you!
 Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
 Why do expenses always rise to meet income?
 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
 Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic?  It's quite uncanny.
 Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
 Why does bread always fall butter side down?
 Why does the other line always move faster?
 Why don't they make an electric battery... ?
 Why experiment on animals with so many lawyers out there?
 Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
 Why is everyone complaining about "youth in Asia?"
 Why is it that time softens some people and hardens others?
 Why USA fails? Radio Shack=USA's Technology Store!!
 Wicked Witch Parking Only - Violators will be toad.
 Wickedness is its own greatest punishment.
 Will that be cache or chkdsk?
 Will you come quietly, or shall I use ear plugs?
 Win at first and lose at last.
 Win without boasting and lose without excuse.
 Windows - how to turn a 486 into an Etch-A-Sketch!
 Winners never quit and quitters never win.
 Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
 Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.
 Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
 Wisdom is the sunlight of the soul.
 Wise men change their minds, fools never.
 Wise people are full of doubts (I think).
 Wishes won't wash dishes.
 Wit and wisdom are rarely seen together.
 Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum.
 Women DO come with instructions.  Just ask them!
 Women, wind and fortune soon change.
 Words are not food, though sometimes we must eat them.
 Work is the curse of the drinking man.
 Would the Standing Committee sit down?
 Would you give your right arm to be ambidextrous?
 Would you let a bug escape because it did not bite you?
 Would you trust a POLITICIAN to run the country?
 Wow, look at all that stuff up your nose.
 Wrinkles are sure signs of where smiles have been.
 Write your concerns on a $20 bill, and mail to ..........
 Xerox never comes up with anything original.
 Xerox...All they ever do is copy.
 Yep! you bet... What was that you said?
'Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.' - L. Long.
 Yogi Bare was a Buddhist Nudist.
 You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
 You always find something in the last place you look.
 You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
 You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.
 You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
 You are the winner of one of these prizes...
 You can always find what you are not looking for.
 You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
 You can lead a boy to college but you can't make him think.
 You can lead a horse to water, and if he walks on it patent him.
 You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
 You can never discard too many bad ideas.
 You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
 You can observe a lot by just watching.
 You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.
'You CAN trust the government...ask an Indian.'
 You can't believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
 You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it or they don't.
 You can't tell a book by its movie.
 You can't win them all, but you can sure lose them all.
 You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time.
 You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
 You cannot tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.
 You don't have to be a cannibal to get fed up with people.
 You have 2 choices for dinner--take it or leave it.
 You have to wonder about any period in history in which people are saying that God is dead and Elvis is alive.
 You have your problems, and I have yours.
 You know you're getting old when everything dries up or leaks.
 You make ends meet...and they hate each other!
 You may shut your doors against a thief but not against a liar.
 You might as well fall flat on your face as lean too far backward.
 You never "find" time, but you can always "make" it.
 You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
 You only have a problem if you think it is a problem.
 You should presently be able to deal from a full deck.
 You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a three-year old.
 You will never be younger than you are today...& vice versa.
 You'd make a perfect stranger.
 You'll never get dizzy doing a good turn.
 You're never a loser until you quit trying.
 You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
 You're old when you forget how to start your rocking chair.
 You've got to hand it to the IRS.  If not, they'll come and take it.
 You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.
 Young flesh and old fish are best.
 Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
 Your ex just called.  She's with the IRS now.
 Your home, and indeed some Cadillacs, have more computing power than many third-world nations.            -- Daniel Siewiorek.
 Your program is sick!  Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
 Youth isn't a time of life but a state of mind.
 Zeal without knowledge is fire without light.
 Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation.
 |||||||//////__ __ __ __ __    The domino effect at work.
 ~~FLASH~~ Eveready Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
 ²²²²²²²²²²²²²²²² <-- Scratch here to reveal & win!
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