This is a sample flyer given to all Pong Kombatants.  It's
mostly for silliness value, but it may have hidden secrets in
it...    - Team Pong

-=-

WELCOME TO THE PONG LAO CULT KOMBAT TOURNAMENT AND SWAP MEET!

This convention kit should give you all the information you'll
need to participate in all the fun and games.  However, before
you proceed, you must sign this statement and turn it in to the
registration paddle in the front lobby of our Bilton Hotel and
Luxury Resort.  Please have this turned in no later than Monday
by 3 PM.

---------------------------------------------------------------
I hereby waive all opportunities at legal action against the
organization herein known as the Pong Lao cult, denying myself
any medical claims or accident lawsuits.  I understand that if I
get bruised, beaten, cut open, or ripped into fifteen segments of
equal size that it was my own damn fault and no one else's.  This
statement also acknowledges that I cannot take legal action
against Bilton Hotel and Luxury Resorts Incorporated, or their
parent corporation, Wacky Products Incorporated.  This statement
entitles me to other benefits, such as a free Pong Kombat keychain
and a t-shirt reading 'I Disemboweled Monolith and All I Got Was
This Lousy T-Shirt'.

                       _______________________
                           Your Color
---------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you!  Here is the schedule of events.  All kombatants are
expected to leave the Bilton Hotel and Luxury Resort by saturday,
since they require the rooms for a Dentist's Convention.  This
schedule has been personalized for your fight list.  Please do
not lose this schedule!

MONDAY
     10AM - 5PM  Socialization and Blood Enemy Obtaining
       NOTE - YOUR WAIVERS ARE DUE BY THREE!
     5PM - 9PM   Introduction to Kombat 101 in the Green Room

TUESDAY
     10AM - 3PM  The Bi-Annual Swap Meet.
       NOTE - You must bring three objects of fifty dollar value
              to be admitted.  Please, no internal organs!
     3PM - 4PM   Good Luck Charm Auction
     5PM - 10PM  Talent Show
       Scheduled to Appear :
          Yellow Paddle - Balloon Animals and Math Equations
          Green Paddle - Jazz Singing and Apple-off-the-Head
                         Arrow Competition
          Kano - Transformations for your Amusement
          Shifter - Magic Show
       Also, Johnny Cage will be on hand to sign autographs, and
       a few representatives of the Multicolored Ninja Clones
       will be selling cute dolls which say 'GET OVER HERE!'
       when you pull the string.

WEDNESDAY
     KOMBAT BEGINS - YOUR FIGHT LIST
     10AM  Blue Paddle, at The Portal
     2PM   Green Paddle, at The Pit
     5PM   Red Paddle, at Toxic River
       NOTE - Schedule may change if you die or challenge
              one of our alternate fighters, Monolith or Shifter.

THURSDAY
     10AM  Purple Paddle, at the White Zone
       NOTE - For vehicle loading and unloading only. No parking.
     2PM   Yellow Paddle, at Happy Gardens
     5PM   White Paddle, at the Throne Room
       NOTE - This is assuming you survive this long.

FRIDAY
     10AM  Closing Ceremonies and Awards
     NOON  Bi-Annual next of kin notification for losers
     5PM   Last Chance Spam BBQ


Meanwhile, while waiting for the kombat to ensue enjoy the lovely
facilities of the Bilton Hotel and Luxury Resort!

TOXIC RIVER
     Fine sunbathing and the healthiest waters this side of the
fountain of youth... lose pounds of excess weight in mere
seconds!  Sunblock also available.  Official government 'Change
of Name' forms available for paddles that tan too much.

THE PORTAL
     From 10AM to 9PM every day, enjoy bungee jumping into the
vortex of energy and power with your professional bungee
instructor, Zeke Thunderclutch.  Ask about our souvenir jumbo yo-
yos!

HAPPY GARDENS
     Take a leisurely stroll through our well-maintained flower
patches.  The perfect place to achieve inner peace and harmony
before tearing the nuts off of your opponents.  Avoid the paddle
eating flowers, please.

THE WHITE ZONE
     For our kombatants that need to get home in a hurry (for any
reason... death in the family, emergency situation at home, or a
paddle wanting blood revenge on you) our mini-airport facilities
are the finest in the land.  Please do not walk on the runways.

THE THRONE ROOMS
     One for gents, one for ladies.  Freshen up and see a man
about a horse.  Please avoid bringing spam into the lavatories!

MONOLITH'S LAIR
     If for some reason you lose you will to live, come on down
to Monolith's lair below the laundry room.  He'll be happy to
take care of your masochistic needs.


Thank you, and enjoy the tournament!