I STILL DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND -=| by Thomas Burker Sr. |=- First of all, I have no degrees in medicine, nutrition or anything else that qualifies me to write this article. What I do have is a long track record of weight gain and loss; you know, real life situations. This seems to be what people enjoy reading about. I know that I do! I have been struggling with weight for years, and when I say years, I do mean years. As I remember, it all started when I packed up and went off to college. I left for college in fair shape, so what happened? Those four years started an unfortunate trend that to this day provides me with constant physical and psychological challenge. I think the hardest part of fighting a weight problem is the constant abuse that you take; not from other people, but from yourself. If someone were to ask me what the single most difficult factor of being overweight is, I would have to say guilt! I wish I would have worked as hard during those four years in college on my academics as I did in gaining weight. When I left high school, I was a strapping lad of 165 pounds. Keep in mind now that for my height of 5' 10" and frame size, the current charts tell me that I should weigh 170, so that 165 was fairly ideal. In the beginning of my fourth year of school, I was tipping the scale at 228. I was in shock; how could this have happened? I tried to convince myself that I wasn't too heavy, just too short. (Pause to smile). If I were just 7' 8" I would be the perfect weight. Sitting in the dorm and munching on chips and pretzels took its toll. The stress of studying was the only exercise I was getting. I guess the morning ritual of grilled pecan rolls drenched in butter probably didn't help. What little clothing I had didn't fit. I had to ask other people if my shoes matched, and I couldn't really tell whether I had a belt on or not. If I didn't see it around the dorm, I figured I had it on. Other people were not saying anything, but they really didn't have to. You can tell what they were thinking; "What happened to this guy?" I kind of chuckle about this now, but it wasn't at all funny then. So here I am, 46 years old. I have been out of school now for twenty some years and have managed to knock off 32 pounds, but guess what? At 196 pounds, I am still considered more than mildly overweight. I am happy to say that my cholesterol and blood pressure have come down; two side effects that usually tag along with a weight problem, but I still have to watch this on a daily basis. I have read many books about what is supposed to cause over-eating and have even believed of what they said. I have tried every diet known to man, most of which were nutritionally dangerous. I let other people measure and weigh my food for me and even paid them to do it! I studied thin people for years. What was it about them that allowed them to eat what seemed to be anything? Sure, metabolism and gene pools always have something to do with it, but here is what I found was pretty much the same about all of them. þ Thin people eat only when they are hungry and pay no real attention to the clock. þ Thin people don't necessarily finish what is on their plate every meal. þ Thin people usually exemplify the "eat to live", not "live to eat" theory. I compared these traits to myself. Let's see, I always look at the clock and sometimes convince myself that I am hungry because it is noon. I often eat when I am not hungry and I always finish what is on my plate. Heck, that is the way I was brought up at home! OK, I have to quit using that as an excuse. And as far as living to eat? Yep, that's what I do. When you are eating breakfast and are already thinking about what you are going to have for dinner, you know there is a problem there. So, what's the answer? I still don't quite understand it, but I have come to some concrete conclusions. þ There ARE physical as well as psychological reasons for an uncontrolled appetite. There are still days that I over-eat and I have absolutely no idea why I do it. It's almost like a blackout! It's over before I know what happened. I do know that this stems from trigger foods. We all have them and the hard part is learning to deal with them. þ There will always be days when you stumble. You CANNOT look at these as failures; just temporary delays. If you convince yourself that you have failed, the result will be more over-eating and more self abuse. þ Never, ever quit trying. I still use a computer program that monitors my caloric intake so I can always see the days where I stumble. I was simply NOT entering the bad days, but who is that kidding? Only me. If I stumble, I just do better the next day. I even run a BBS that devotes almost 75% effort to Health, Nutrition, Exercise and support for the disabled. You would think that exposing myself to that much discussion of good health would make my mission easy; it doesn't. þ Like yourself! You've heard it before; if you don't like you, nobody else will. I made a very serious decision on October 5, 1994 (my birthday) to adopt a lacto-vegetarian lifestyle. As of this writing, I have stuck to it without a hitch. I have never felt so good! Maybe this is just another attempt at better self dicipline...I don't know, but if it works, it works.