Underground Informer
Volume 5 Issue 18
November 5, 1994
Page 4


A.L.F. 2, Part 8  (continued from previous page)

                                                Copyright (c) 1994 Delta 1...

     I was dragged down a hallway and into a shower room.  There I was 
stripped, handcuffed again, both hands and feet, and left on a tile floor.  
Someone barked an order and the cold water was turned on; they left me under 
the nozzle for a long time.  I guess they didn't like the way I smelled.  I 
know I'd managed to empty my stomach and my bladder, and perhaps other things 
as well as I waited in the room.  At last someone turned the hot water on, and 
my body shuddered at the change.  Still dripping, I was placed in a light blue 
jump suit, my hands were chained to my waist, and I was led away down a 
hallway and up a flight of stairs.

     Every time I stumbled, I was dragged for a few yards and then set on my 
feet and shoved forward.  The process was repeated until we reached an office.  
I was lead in like a dog on a leash and roughly thrust into a chair.  Seated 
at a desk in front of me was a figure that slowly resolved into that of a man.  
I strained to focus on his features.  With a great effort I managed to bring 
them into focus.  "Well, I want to know how you got in here before I have you 
shot as a traitor," greeted the ex-president.  

     "I am here as the representative of an alien race from the planet Pongo," 
I blurted out.

     "Well, that's nice.  Perhaps if we pull your fingernails out, you'll tell 
us all about those commie pinko space alien slime," quipped the man that some 
had called Raygun.

     "If I am harmed, you'll be served up for lunch by my powerful masters," I 
ventured.  The lights went off, then a strange light flickered on the wall in 
front of me.  A picture started. 

     "SDI, the American defense system of the future," it stated in big bright 
letters as the deathstar exploded in the background.  A starship seemed about 
to fly out of the picture as a voice announced, "Star Wars, the state-of-the-
art defense system for the year 2001, brought to you by the people who removed 
the threat of that commie menace and made the world a safer place to be."  
Then the light flared and died away.

     "Sir, the bulb has gone out.  I'll have to order a replacement," stated 
someone in the darkness.

     "Well, I'll just have to show you what your evil commie left-wing liberal 
pantywaist green-skinned slime balls from the planet Pongo will have to 
defeat," intoned the ex-president.  I was yanked from the chair and led across 
the hallway and down to a room with a blue door.  They opened the door and 
shoved me into the room.  I looked up at the ex-president as he pointed to a 
table covered with a black cloth.  "SDI, America's first line of defense," he 
beamed as he pulled the cloth back from the table like a magician performing a 
trick.  The only thing I could see was a small button set flush with the level 
of the table. 

     "Well, I see you're impressed, and you should be.  You look upon the most 
advanced defense system ever dreamed up in the mind of man.  A system so 
fiendishly simple that it would horrify the man in the street if word of it 
ever leaked out," praised the ex-president.

     It looked like a simple switch to me.  What's it do?" I asked.

     "Well, it connects every nuclear bomb to every other nuclear bomb.  With 
a touch of a button, I can turn the world into a wasteland, devoid of life and 
unable to ever support it again.  Mine is the power of life and death; I am 
its master.  The touch of my finger will bring about the end of the world," 
ranted the ex-president in reply. 

     During the speech, his fingers caressed the button as if he were stroking 
the flesh of a lover.  I wanted to have him committed, locked away for good 
and forgotten, for he was clearly insane.  Perhaps he had always been so.  
"Let your commie pinko alien green slime slugs come.  All they will get is a 
dead planet," laughed the ex-president as his finger stabbed at the button. 

     "Watch it, Mac, that finger's getting too damn personal," stated the 
green rabbit as it appeared out of thin air and sat on the red button.

     "It speaks!" gasped the ex-president as he backed away.

     The rabbit looked him over.  "Say, you look like the warthog that 
barbecued my cousin Vinnie," it said in a less-than-friendly tone.

     "It's a killer rabbit.  Carter was right.  It's a plot led by alien space 
bunnies to take over the United States.  I must save us!" called the ex-
president as he swept the rabbit from the table and pushed the red button.

                    A.L.F. 2, Part 9, coming to the next UI
   
     They say the sun will go nova at some point in the far distant future.  
Unless they slipped up and put the decimal point in the wrong place, thus 
causing the unexpected to happen a bit sooner, you can expect to see A.L.F. 2, 
Part 9 in about two weeks.  If the unexpected does happen, I may be a few days 
late. 

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