A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.  --  Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man always has two reasons for what he does - a good one and the real one.  --  J.P. Morgan
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
According to the laws of aerodynamics the bumble bee cannot fly.  I guess no one bothered to tell the bee.
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
Every successful person has had failures, but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Good judgement comes from experience; and experience, well, that comes from bad judgement.
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
If Adam and Eve were alive today, they would probably sue the snake.  --  Bern Williams
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
If there were no one to watch them drive by, how many people would buy a Mercedes?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If, while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment is glutted.
In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.
It is better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of leading causes of statistics.
Life is like riding a bicycle.  You don't fall off unless you stop peddling.
Misfortune:  The kind of fortune that never misses.
Never tell people how to do things.  Tell them what to do, and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
Pedestrians never seem to realize that they are a threat to the safety of cars.
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.
Resting on one's laurels makes for an uncomfortable bed, and only crushes the laurels.
Stress!  The confusion created when the mind must override the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately deserves it.
Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.
Temper is what gets most of us into trouble.  Pride is what keeps us there.
The ladder of life is full of splinters, but they always prick hardest when you're sliding down.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.  --  Dolly Parton
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy...  --  Ambrose Bierce
There are two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit.  Try to be in the first group - there is lest competition there.  --  Indira Gandhi
Too many of us are spending money we haven't earned to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like.
We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.
We were given two ends - one to sit on and the other to think with.  Success depends on which one we use the most.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: `whose?'  --  Don Marquis
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his.
You wouldn't be worried about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they actually do.