By the time I have money to burn, my fire will be out.
Old programmers never die, they just lose their byte.
In the end gravity always wins. - Dolly Parton.
Warning - This message may be harmful to your ego.
He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens. 
*IT IS* documented, look under "For Internal Use Only."
Boss spelled backwards is "double SOB".
USA - at times is seems to be a subsidiary of Japan, Inc.
Life would be so very easy if we only had the source code.
Recursion, noun:  see recursion.
Oh no!  Not another expensive update.
Whatever is well conceived can be well expressed. 
<This space unintentionally left blank>.
Don't play "stupid" with me... I'm better at it.
Xerox never comes up with anything original anymore.
System Failure.  Push (B)ullshit  (W)hine  (S)urrender.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
This tagline is baroque; please call Bach.
Would she be happy with a Pet Rock instead?
MilliHelen: Beauty required to launch one ship.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
Ok! I'm weird, but I'm saving up to become eccentric.
PARANOID - One who is truly in touch with reality.
Everybody must believe - I believe I'll have another beer.
Have you had a significant new idea of your own lately?
My name seems to be "xxx-xx-xxxx" what's yours?
Vote anarchist.
What hallucinations?
Xpress yourself.
"Cashew?"  "Gesundheit!"
Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines.
IneedsignificantlymoreroominthislineforwhatIwanttosay.
Abolish mornings.
Not now ... I have to go mow the laundry.
Be reasonable ... Let's do it my way.
I think ... therefore I am overqualified.
Repunzel, Repunzel, ... turn on your modem.
Snails' pace: .00758 mph.
Psst! Your .ZIP file is open.
"Tourist Season" : When it's OK to shoot them.
What the !@#$ were you expecting for me to put here?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Gene Police: "Hey YOU! Get out of this pool."
Imelda Marcos: "If any shoe fits, buy it."
Being a "nice guy" doesn't cost, but it generally pays.
Damn your "Once more for old times sake."
Never say "oops."
Where do 'cannot' and 'must' meet on this graph?
You tell 'em Bald Head, you're smooth.
You tell 'em Banana, you've been skinned.
You tell 'em Bank, you're safe.
You tell 'em Bean, He's stringing you.
You tell 'em Brake, you've got the drag.
You tell 'em Butcher, you've got a lot of tongue.
You tell 'em Cabbage, you've got the head.
You tell 'em Calendar, you've got lots of dates.
You tell 'em Cashier, I'm a poor teller.
You tell 'em Cat, That's what you're fur.
You tell 'em Cemetery, you are so grave.
You tell 'em Chloroform, you can put them to sleep.
You tell 'em Church Bell, I told you.
You tell 'em Cigarette, you're lit up.
You tell 'em Clock, you've got the time.
You tell 'em Cucumber, I've been pickled.
You tell 'em Custard Pie, you've got the crust.
You tell 'em Dentist, you've got the pull.
You tell 'em Dictionary, you're full of information.
You tell 'em Doctor, you've got the patience.
You tell 'em Dough, you're well bred.
You tell 'em Electricity, you can shock 'em.
You tell 'em Envelope, you're well posted.
You tell 'em Gambler, you've got winning ways.
You tell 'em Goldfish, you've been around the globe.
You tell 'em Hard-Boiled Egg, you're hard to beat.
You tell 'em Horse, you carry a tale.
You tell 'em Hunter, I'm game.
You tell 'em Hunter, I'm a duck.
You tell 'em June, And don't July.
You tell 'em Manicurist, I've been trimmed.
You tell 'em Moon, you're out all night.
You tell 'em Mountain, I'm only a bluff.
You tell 'em Operator, you've got their number.
You tell 'em Piano, you're upright and square.
You tell 'em Playing Cards, you know the joker.
You tell 'em Printer, I'm not your type.
You tell 'em Railroad, It's not along my line.
You tell 'em September Morn, no one has anything on you.
You tell 'em Shoemaker, you know awl.
You tell 'em Simon, I'll Legree.
You tell 'em Skyscraper, you have more than one story.
You tell 'em Submarine, I can't seaplane.
You tell 'em Teacher, you've got the class.
(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer.
ROM instruction: (R)ead (O)perators (M)ind.
SCUD : (S)ure (C)ould (U)se (D)irections.
USAir = (U)nderwater (S)eating (A)vailable (I)n (R)ear.
癙  �¿��ÿ  $�x  �����$  ���r  ��$�gÿ�....
Luxury: Costs $7.69 to make and $20.00 to market.
#:-)   <:�������   - Snake stalking person.
One person's <grin> is another's <groan>.
<tap> <tap> <tap> Is this thing on? 
Biological love =/= chemical love.
Binary Choir = 1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1.
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void.
Spaghetti code = job security.
Philosophic enjoyment = mutual misunderstanding.
if (program == crippleware)  bit-bucket(program).
Let length(walk) > length(pier)
A rock ----->me<----- A hard place.
Be right & fear no man.  Don't write & fear no woman.
Old age & treachery triumph over youth & vigor.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces every time.
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
Windows Error: 004 -- Operator fell asleep while waiting.
8 of 10 people suffer hemorrhoids the other 2 enjoy them.
Enter any 12-digit prime number to continue.
ASL has 15 signs for stupidity; 3 for smart.
If at 1st you don't succeed, call it Ver. 1
Testing 1 2 3. Hey, is this thing on?
One B-2 bomber = 30,000 4-year college educations.
2 x 4 bbs - a basic board.
Buy a 486-33 so you can reboot faster.
X minus 6 weeks and counting.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... (Bo Dereck getting older).
Today is a "Honey do day"  Honey do this, honey do that..
This is a *dangerous* place.
Our world: a 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of dirt 
I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers.
Alone in a bank at night is a pleasant experience.
Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?
I've got a BEER attitude.
Why use a big, long word when a diminutive one will do?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Never wear a Big Mac suit while next to George Foreman.
He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
MSDOS is a boot sector virus.
Spooks are a breed apart.
That's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.
I lost a button hole today.
Life is a cabaret, old Chum.
To be a Californian means to have faults others don't.
Judge not a carpenter on how fast the chips fly.
Is evil a child of the nature or nurture of the beast?
God is a comic playing to an audience afraid to laugh.
Happiness is a computer with a good sense of humor.
Reality: Only a concept and the home of the brave.
Reality is a constant intrusion on my dreams.
Anything not a constant, is not a commandment from God.
There's never a cop around when you need one.
To know a culture you must dirty your feet in its soil.
I'm not a D.J., but I play one on the radio.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Today is a day for firm decisions .....  Or is it?
He is a deeply superficial person.
Fishing is a delusion surrounded by liars in old clothes.
I had a dislocated funny bone <OUCH> but it's better now.
Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long.
There isn't a door which can stop a lover or a cat.
Friction is a drag.
America is a dream to most of the world.
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
I need a drink...where's the SPACE BAR?
Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
California is a fine place to live, if you are an orange.
Man is a fool, always wanting what is not.
A book, a friend, a song, a glass, a chaste loving lass.
Security is a game where final goal is never reached.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year.
Monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Money is a good aphrodisiac. Flowers work almost as well.
Modesty is a good bait when fishing for praise.
This is a good day to let down old friends who need help.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut your face.
He's such a good speaker, even a cough sounds read.
I know a good tag line when I steal one.
Show me a good tagline... And I'll steal it.
Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch?
Dancing with a grass widow brings on hay fever.
Epitaph on a gravestone: Cheerio, see you soon.
Life has a great deal up its sleeve.
Winning is a habit.  Unfortunately, so is losing.
Twinkies have a half-life, but Velveeta is eternal.
Freedom is a hard-bought thing - A gift no man can give.
Evil is a hill.  We stand on ours, speak about others.
It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a.
Fishing rod: a hook at one end, a fool at the other.
With sin, a human falls into it, a saint grieves at it.
Language is a human virus from outer space.
To be a human without passion is to be dead.
Everybody likes a joker, but nobody loans him money.
Remember that a kick in the butt may equal a step forward.
Life is a kind of trick.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head?
To climb a ladder, you begin with the bottom rung.
Tact: Recalling a lady's birthday but forgetting her age.
What is a lie but the truth in drag?
Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.
Never tell a lie, unless lying is your strongest point.
Marriage makes a life of deception a necessity.
Marriage, is a lifelong venture, approached with caution.
I saw a light at the end of the tunnel - it was a train.
Let's have a little fun, let's do a pun.
Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham.
Gezundteit has a loose beginning.
Whales are a lot like humans.  Only they mate for life.
Never call a man a fool, instead, borrow from him.
To reform a man, begin with his grandmother.
A man's a man for that.
I am a man more sinned against than sinning. - King Lear.
Never hit a man with glasses.  Use your fist.
It's all a matter of taste.
Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment.
Theater: Holding a mirror up to a keyhole.
Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
Necessity is a mother.
Civilization is a movement, it is a voyage not a harbor.
None but a mule denies his genealogy.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
What's in a name, anyway? Everything and nothing.
Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade.
Don't need a new religion, haven't used up the old one.
It was a night like this, 40 million years ago.
Is "Sue" a noun or a verb?
Go to a nude beach. Keep abreast of developments.
Pain is a part of all life.  Misery is at your option.
Redneck: (n); a person whose family tree doesn't fork.
Man is a piece of the universe made alive.
Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein.
*NOW* is a point in time that is already gone.
That was a pointing device? My cat thought it was dinner.
NEVER moon a police officer who has a polearm.
Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.
Happiness is a positive cash flow.
Morality is a private and costly luxury.
Dream of a pure planet.
It is a rather pleasant to be alone in a bank at night.
Consult with a real expert - Call your mother.
I have a really good memory, except it's short. 
Inflation is a result of legalized counterfeiting.
I have a rock garden.  Last week three of them died.
I'm on a seafood diet.  I see food and I eat it.
Infinity is a self-canceling thought form.
He is a self-made man, and worships his creator.
Life is a series of rude awakenings.
He is a sheep in sheep's clothing.
Pregnancy is a side effect of sloppy birth control.
It is a sin peculiar to people to hate their victims.
He hasn't a single redeeming vice.
There is a skeleton in every old house and old horse.
Never trust a skinny cook.
What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
Never trust a smiling wolf to tend your sheep.
Don't be a snob. Never lie when truth is more profitable.
Never buy a software package bigger than your head.
If life's a stage, I want better lighting.
The less a statesman amounts to the more he loves a flag.
Isn't there a statute of limitations on stupidity?
I saw a subliminal advertising executive for a second.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave -Hair Club For Men.
LOTTERY: Just a tax on people who are bad at math.
Waste is a terrible thing to mind.
This is a test of the emergency tagline stealing system.
This is a test.  Please ignore -- oops, too late ;').
He says a thousand pleasant things, but never "Adieu."
To wake a tiger, use a long stick.
Madness takes a toll make sure you have the exact change.
Life is a tragedy for feelers and a comedy for thinkers.
America is a tune.  But it must be sung in harmony.
Selfishness is a vice we see it only in others.
"Happiness is a warm puppy." said the anaconda.
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
Quick!  Make a wish!  It has a chance to come true.
Thrift is a wonderful virtue - in an ancestor.
Why would a wood chuck want to chuck wood anyway?
Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers with a very bad odor.
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
Home, to a young boy, is merely a filling station.
The world: A comedy for thinkers; a tragedy for feelers.
Ground Beef -- A cow with no legs.
Happy couple: A deaf husband and a blind wife.
True terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
A pest: A friend in need.
Cesarean Section: A historic district in Rome.
Cemetery: (n); A marble orchard you can take for granite.
G.I. Series: A military baseball game.
An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
An alcoholic: A person who drinks more than his physician 
Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways.
Medical staff: A physician's cane.
Tax Shelter- A way to spend a buck to save fifty cents.
All hope abandon ye who enter messages here.
Behind an able man, there are always other able men.
"Beam me aboard Scotty!" <-> "Will a 2 X 4 do Captain?"
Vote for abolishment of public display of butt-cracks.
It takes about 10 years to get used to how old you are.
I'll worry about it tomorrow.
Everybody lies about sex.
Best thing about the future: it comes one day at a time.
Isn't it about time you backed up your system?
Quit worrying about your health, it will go away.
Many are absent from reality physically and/or mentally.
There's no accounting for taste.
Should old acquaintance be forgot - Count of Monte Cristo 
Join hands across the seas.  Stop continental drift.
For any action there is an equal and opposite criticizer.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.
Do not adjust your set.  We are in control.
Price of admission - your premise.
Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
Any sufficiently advanced magic looks like technology.
We ask advice but we mean approbation.
Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.
Have an affair.  It will break up the monogamy.
Math illiteracy affects eight of every five people.
Kin:  An affliction of the blood.
Play it, again Sam.
Tell me again why you named your kid "Rasputin?"
Banging head against wall mode - off.
At all ages you are certain you still have another year.
A yer ago I kudnt spel progrmer now I are won.
To get ahead and stay ahead, use your head.
Always take aim at the Tidy Bowl Man.
If it ain't borken, don't fix it.
If it ain't cooked, don't serve it.
My mind ain't so open that anything can crawl right in.
Society like air, is necessary but not complete for life.
Del dicho al hecho hay gran trecho.
Practice safe algebra, use brackets.
Since we all move so slow, why is it called rush hour?
Someone superglued all my bytes onto my hard drive.
We are all related...relatively speaking.
Genealogy:  It's all relative in the end anyway.
43% of all statistics are totally worthless..
93.4% of all statistics are made up.  The rest are false.
Orthopedists get all the breaks.
He has all the charm of a dirty Christmas card.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Look at all the Indians.
Give them all they want, and all they will want is more.
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothaches.
Moderation in all things should be practiced sparingly.
We are all travelers, from our birth until our death.
Time heals all wounds, but the belly button remains.
Abandon hope, all ye who <ENTER> here.
Taglines are almost as bad as bumper stickers.
Let art alone. She's got enough guys sleeping with her.
Always format alphanumerically, then preview graphically.
There is always a law against doing anything interesting.
It is always easier to destroy than to create.
I am always exact and precise (more or less).
One lie always leads to another almost automatically.
The past always looks better than it was when it was here 
You can always make room for one more. Except a new baby.
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
The sun always rises on the most tired people.
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
Tradition is always the last refuge for the incompetent.
Patriotism is always the last refuge for the scoundrel.
Tell me, am I supposed to be pleased or frightened?
HELP! Protect America's children, soil, and water today.
I shot an arrow into the air, and it got stuck.
Art thou an artist, or art thou art?
Sharper than an asp's tooth to have a thankless child.
Today, take an astronaut to launch.
Length of an average blink: 0.1 second.
While eating an elephant advance one bite at a time.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
You are an example of why some animals eat their young.
Money is an excellent servant, but a horrible master.
Reality is an illusion produced by alcohol deficiency.
Power is an illusion; only stupidity is real.
Life is an onion and each one peels it crying.
Murphy was an optimist.
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
Shame is an ornament to the young, a disgrace to the old.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Window-screen: An arrangement for keeping flies in.
Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
Astronomy: The anatomy and physiology of our universe.
Did my ancestors inbreed? My genes seem tight.
Red, white, and blue. Three colors that only run forward.
Modems.....reach out and BYTE someone.
Be mischievous and creative, if they fit you.
Cyberspace forever and ever and ever.
Screw each and every prime directive.
Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate.
A programmer and his mind are soon parted
A fool and his money are invited everywhere.
A fool and his money are soon partying!
It's 5PM and I'm all out of pithy things to say.
Our first and last love is self-love.
In war and life, either fight to win or don't fight.
In gambling and life if you don't play, you never win.
Nothing works, and nobody cares.
Quit work and play for once.
Bachelor's wives and spinster's children: always perfect.
Born free and taxed to death.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
The hole and the patch should be commensurate.
Without love and trust all you can be in life is alone.
Great men and women are not always idiots.
Men die and worms eat them - but not for love.
Your Yin and Yang are no longer on speaking terms.
You live and you learn - or you don't live long.
Do well and you will have no need for ancestors.
A good angle to approach any problem is the try-angle.
Shareware, crippleware, annoyware, underwear.
Join Taglines Anonymous.  We can help.
I'm just another blankity-blank BLANK.
Another day, another challenge.
Talking is another disease of age.
This is another fine myth you've gotten me into.
The shortest answer is doing.
There's an answer to every problem.  Sometimes it's "No."
90% of any business transaction is selling yourself.
Split hairs any finer and you'll end up with split ends.
Have you any Grey Poupon?
Never trust anyone who speaks well of everyone.
Hairy fishnuts, anyone?
How could anything alter reality for $9.95?
Youngsters remember anything if it happened or not.
Never eat anything larger than your head.
Brain:  The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
If anyone approaches with intent of doing you good, run.
Et in Arcadia ego.
All probabilities are 50%. It happens or it doesn't.
One's needs are a function of what other people have.
Rounded numbers are always false.
Undetectable errors are always infinite in variety.
Illegal aliens are an American problem.  Ask any Indian.
Few things are as painful to us as the truth.
Some thoughts are best guillotined before actions result.
Some people are born stupid, others work to acquire it.
Man`s horizons are bounded by his vision.
All taglines are busy..One will be with you shortly.
All things are difficult before they are easy.
Some men are discovered, others are found out.
Some farewells are easier than others.
Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn.
The graveyards are full of indispensable people.
The graveyards are full of indispensable people.
Old birds are hard to pluck.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
Tag lines are irrelevant if you don't understand them.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Some people are like a Don Quayle without the intellect.
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
All clowns are masked, all personae flow from choices.
No, boars are never chauvinists.
Closed eyes are not always sleeping.
Valuable things are not cheap.
All barkers are not side show hawkers.
When we are not sure, we are alive.
My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
The Poles are now telling free market jokes.
Lean books are often larded with fat of others' works.
Irregular verbs are on sale in the bargain basement.
When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns
All words are pegs on which to hang ideas.
No facts are sacred, none are profane.
If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for TV?
My genes are so tight, they may stay with me forever. 
All humans are subject to decay.
Good manners are the lubricant of social intercourse.
Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars.
How wise are they that are but fools in love.
Saved whales are to be stored in Davy Jones' locker.
Opportunities taken are what makes your future.
Religious people are wicked, how would they be without?
Some cures are worse than the disease.
Avoid Mailmen...............They Are Carriers.
If you aren't part of a solution, you are a precipitate.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
The only argument with the wind is to put on a coat.
Beware. I'm armed and have suffered from PMS all my life.
The best armor is to keep out of range.
What comes around goes around.
Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.
Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed.
As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841.
Be smart as a cat: Make a friend of your enemy's enemy.
I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a child.
Nobody is as deaf as those who will not to hear.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
As long as I live, I shall be, myself, no other, just me.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
On earth as it is in San Francisco
We are as made by God, and often a great deal worse.
You learn as much by writing as you do by reading.
Paranoia isn't as much fun as it used to be.
I am as nervous as a tree on the Lassie show about that.
I am as poor as Job, but not so patient. - Shake.
The world, as we know it, has come to an end.
As long as we remain unsure, we are alive.
Kiss my ASCII.
All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
Dan Quayle asks: "Are Cheerios are bagel or donut seeds?"
Take two aspirin and call the consultant.
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
At yuletide, astronauts look for the missile toe.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Charity begins at home, and mostly ends where it begins.
DANGER. Human at keyboard.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
She's looking at menopause in a rear-view mirror.
Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
Forgotten men at the bottom of the economic pyramid.
Good fortune at times seems to favor the stupid.
To excel at what you do, you must love doing it.
Here's looking at you, kid.
The dog ate my .REP packet.
Meaningless tagline attached to pointless message.
He who attacks my ideas attacks democracy itself.
Do not attempt to traverse a chasm in two leaps .
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Only he attempting the absurd can achieve the impossible.
Cow's breath attracts mosquitoes and tsetse flies!
Men avoid attributing cleverness to others unless enemies 
The best audience: Intelligent, well-educated, and drunk.
A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.
Don't question authority; it doesn't know either. 
Sails trimmed, autopilot on, now it's "Miller Time."
Node: Was aware of.  The past tense of "know." 
To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.
Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk.  I dare you.
Onward and backward!  We must look busy.
When the bad combine, the good must associate.
It's so bad, it may turn my hair dark.
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Conserve water.  Ban salted peanuts.
Movement To Ban Silly Tag Lines; Send donations to:
Claiming mental bankruptcy is always an easy option.
Don't regulate banks.  Help BCCI and Charlie Keating.
Only in baseball is a self-sacrifice appreciated.
Marriages are based on believing you won the arguments.
Holy Razorblades, Batman.  That was a close shave.
On this BBS, we recycle all of our bytes, bit by bit.
You may be a loser for a long time before you realize it.
In fashion be a reed in the wind.
In principles be a rock in the stream.
You will be a winner today. Fight with a four-year-old.
Now may be an excellent time to become a missing person.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Windows would be better with curtains.
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough to be so 
I can be decisive, I think.
Features should be discovered, not documented.
Shouldn't you be doing something useful?
It will be done on time, if I can find the time.
Life might be easier if we had the source code.
Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Innuendo can be fun.
Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
We may be lost, but we're sure making good time.
Everything should be made as simple as necessary.
I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks.
Life can be profitable, if you know the odds.
You may be recognized soon.  Perhaps you should hide?
You may be Southern -- but you're no Comfort.
I can't be stupid, I completed third grade.
I may be stupid, that still makes me smarter than you.
Bachelorhood should be taxed, such happiness is valuable.
You cannot be too careful in the choice of your enemies.
Results may be unpredictable.
Contraceptives: to be used on all conceivable occasions.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
That must be wonderful. I don't understand it at all.
Biography should be written by an acute enemy.
Before advising be yourself, reassess his character.
Kindergarten Rules: Be kind. Be safe. Be protective.
Life's a beach and still you always marry one.
"Scotty. hurry. beam me"  uragg^*��� NO CARRIER.
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
Whip me, beat me, crush me, is this wrestling or what?
One Buchanan beats a Bush hiding a Quayle any day.
Pale ink beats a good memory.
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
Surly to bed, and surly to rise.
Today has been a long year.
It has been discovered: research causes cancer in rats.
Where you've been means much less than where you're going 
You have been selected for a secret mission.
She has been under more drunken sailors than a naval head 
Always store beer in a cool dark place.
Transistors blow before a protecting fast acting fuse.
Shake well before and after use.
Think carefully before wishing, it might just come true.
True life begins when the kids leave home and he dog dies.
Modem sex begins with a handshake.
The test: Behavior in times of controversy and challenge.
Look out.  Behind you.
No sense being pessimistic.  It wouldn't work anyway.
90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
Love is being stupid together.
I can't believe I wrote that whole thing.
We must believe in free will.  We have no choice.
I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them.
Everybody should believe in something.
If you believe your own demagoguery, you have a problem.
Positive thinking: Believe everything positively stinks.
Everybody should believe: I believe I'll have a drink.
A thief believes that everybody steals.
Every idiot believes that they are Cassandra.
Seeing is believing, Touching is convincing.
Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
No, Taco Bell is not the Mexican telephone company.
Asking PAC BELL for advice is like asking IRS tax advice.
Living: The best demonstration of victory over mortality.
Nobody ever bet too much on a winning horse.
I've had BETA days ... and nights.
I've seen better conversations in alphabet soup.
It works better if you plug it in *AND THEN* turn it on.
Prevention is better than cure.
It is better to burn out than to fade away.
It is better to copulate seldom rather than never.
It is better to kiss an avocado than to kiss an aardvark.
It is better to know useless things than nothing.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
Persons reading between the lines do so at their own risk 
When choosing between two evils, select the newer one.
The highest bidder catches the most politicians.
Tell no big lies today.  Small ones are just as effective 
Trackman(men) have bigger balls.
ZMODEM has bigger bits, softer blocks, and tighter ASCII
Are dog biscuits made from Collie Flour?
RU486SX - 16 bit version of the popular abortion pill.
Even the blind can see money.
Love is blind, to everything except fat.
Indiscriminate study bloats the mind.
The best blood at times gets into fools and mosquitoes.
Can a blue man sing the whites?
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Every hard-boiled egg is yellow inside.
The warranty: Bold print giveth & fine print taketh away.
Even the boldest zebra fears a hungry lion.
Gnaw the bone which has fallen to thy lot.
I'm so bored, I'm starting to miss my husband.
I was born agnostic, and I'll diagnostic...
Only people born with chimneys are allowed to smoke.
Hick: Looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
I just bought a cured ham.  Wonder what it had? 
If you bow at all, bow low.
Speak of braggarts: talking of those lacking something.
There's a brain in my tumor.
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 instead of a V-8.
Why is bread so dear and flesh and blood so cheap?
If it breaks make it bigger, if it sticks out chrome it.
Every solution breeds new problems.
I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent.
For a bug-free environment do NOT run this program.
One person's bug is another person's feature.
Not all bugs are worth fixing.
A school: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
ROM wasn't built in a day.
Take the bull by the hand, and don't mix metaphors.
Talking of bulls is not like being in the bull ring.
**FLASH** Eveready Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
God gave burdens shoulders also.
It's nobody's business, not even mine.
Watch it Buster - You're trying my infinite patience.
Money talks, but all mine ever says is "Goodbye."
God heals, but always someone else wants a fee.
Trust God, but always tie and watch your camel all night.
It`s clever, but is it art?
Honesty pays, but not enough for some.
Love truth but pardon error.
Nobody home but the lights, and they're out too.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery.
$$ doesn't buy happiness, if you don't know where to shop.
Happiness can't buy money.
Dollars cannot buy yesterday.
Drive defensively.  Buy a tank.
Humans sin by both ommision as well as commission.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Politicians profit by confusing theories with conditions.
Mosquito: Designed by God to make flies seem better.
I'm perfect by necessity, it isn't honest to be modest.
Everyone lives by selling something.
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on.
Even a cactus needs a little water now and then.
I consider cake and ice-cream my just desserts.
To the Caliph I am dirt, but to dirt, I am Caliph.
Operator!....Trace this call and tell me where I am.
Some bosses call passing the buck delegating authority.
Forget  RTFM  - Call the author at home.
Blond Mating Call:  Oh, I'm so drunk [giggle].
Wherever you came from, you're not there now.
A problem can be found for almost every solution.
Any day can be the beginning of a new year.
Blaming others can become a satisfying way of life.
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
Only they can conquer who believe they can.
No medicine can cure a vulgar person.
A gentleman can disagree without being disagreeable.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
Sure I can help you out, which way did you come in?
Gen. Custer, can I be excused for this afternoon?
No wonder can last more than three days.
Only God can make a random selection.
No man can serve two masters, yes-men can serve hundreds.
Any fool can tell the truth, it takes sense to lie well.
Only I can tell where my own shoe pinches me.
No one can think clearly with clenched fists.
If you can touch it and you can see it, it's real.
Now where can you find one, nicer than this?
Excuse me, can you spare a tagline?
If you can't bite, don't try to show your teeth.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you can't dazzle with dexterity, feed them a crock.
When we can't dream the time for death has arrived.
Help!  I can't find the "ANY" key.
Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography.
If you can't laugh at yourself, try laughing at others.
If you can't learn to do it well, enjoy doing it badly.
If you can't make it work, make a statistic of it.
If you can't make it good, make it big.
If you can't speak softly, just use the stick.
If you can't speak softly, just use the stick.
If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
If you can't stay healthy, find a sickness you like.
Some people can't succeed at anything, even suicide.
If you can't win fair, win foul.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
If you cannot catch a bird of paradise, grab a wet hen.
Curmudgeons are cantankerous and churlish.
My other car is a Galaxy Class Starship, need a ride?
Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home.
We don't care, we don't have to, we're the phone
Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Drop your carrier...We have you surrounded.
A king's castle is his home.
Halt and catch fire.
"If he catches you, you're through" - Road Runner.
Down with categorical imperatives.
Why don't cats like to swim?  Why don't many fish fly?
Cities, like cats, will reveal themselves at night.
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
En boca cerrada no entran moscas.
Death is certain, life isn't.
The only certainty is that nothing is certain.
The only chance I get to talk is while my wife inhales.
Other things change, but we start and end with family.
If voting changed anything, it would be made illegal.
I was changed into a tadpole.  I knew about metamorphosis 
When in charge, ponder.
Lady with chastity belt is not having a ball.
Bug free, cheap, on time, works. Pick two. 
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
It's often cheaper to be forgotten than remembered.
My reality check just bounced.
Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekker, wurks grate.
So dumb: Chewing the stick, not sucking the lollipop.
Never have children, but always have grandchildren.
He's a chip right off the old shoulder.
You can choose your friends, but you only have one mother.
Our big cities are becoming Third World countries.
Clean mind, clean body:  Take your pick.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
That should clear out your sinuses.
Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter.
Clever father, clever daughter; clever mother, clever son 
You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories.
Wear old clothes when you fight for truth and liberty.
A rooster clucks defiance -- but a lawyer.
Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
Execute program code from Write Only Memory.
Try cooling coffee by holding it closer to your heart.
Error finding COLD BEER. Sysop not loaded.
No tax collector will ever enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Your lucky color is fading.
The wildest colts make the best steeds.
Happiness: a combination of good health and a bad memory.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
O oysters come and walk with us, the walrus did beseech.
Blessings never come in pairs; misfortunes never alone.
Dogmatism: Puppyism come to its full growth.
Who needs comedians?  Journalists are much more laughable 
Every human comes equipped with a brain at no extra cost.
Mischief all comes from too much opening of the mouth.
Do what comes naturally now. Throw a tantrum.
If worst comes to worst, you *CAN* turn most things off.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
From listening comes wisdom, from speaking, repentance.
When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
Have the computer beep me, when it is ready.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
My other computer is a Cadillac.
DANGER DANGER Computer store ahead...hide wallet.
There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals.
Being alive: Concentrating on goals, not limitations.
Vulgarity: The conduct of others.
Youth + confidence + myopia = naivete.
I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed.
Don't blame Congress. With $600 Billion frugality leaves.
Keyboard not connected, press <F1> to continue.
A clear conscience is often the sign of a bad memory.
Madre que consiente engorda una serpiente.
German for constipation: Farfrompoopin'.
Every person constructs their own bed of nails.
If you continually give you will continually have.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its written on.
"C.I.A." -- A contradiction in terms most of the time.
Monologue: A conversation between realtor and prospect.
Are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?
Shhhhhh.....the topic cops are coming.
If the cops throw a net over me, am I legally in seine?
If the cops throw a net over me, am I legally in seine?
Maybe you're correct being nervous now.
Today's "politically correct" = yesterday's McCarthyism.
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
If I could be respected and not have to be respectable.
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
April 16th: Count your blessings - nothing else is left.
Can bankers count? Eight windows and only four tellers?
Flattery is counterfeit money, circulated by vanity.
Pants: Trousers' country cousins.
What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
Off by CRASHING COMPUTER. Time Logged:  ^D!@#$%^(*&^%^Z.
I'm not crazy, I just don't give a &*$#.
Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands.
The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward.
Take two crows and caw me in the morning.
The greatest cunning is to have none at all.
Do not curse the darkness, check your warranty.
Passing on curves: What a beauty-contest judge does.
Do not cut along this line ------------------------------ 
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
Assumption #1: Dan Quayle is smarter than broccoli.
These aren't dances.  Their fertility rites with lyrics.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
Nothing's more dangerous than a mind with a solitary idea 
It is dangerous to confuse children with angels.
Forests lovely, dark & deep ... I have promises to keep.
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
Poker: It's darkest just before you've drawn.
Here today, dawn tomorrow.
Day-by-day a day goes by.
Monday:  The day after the football game.
What a day may bring, a day may take away.
Yeah...and some day the sun will die out.
Celebrate Hannibal Day.  Take an elephant to lunch.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
"Nietzsche is dead,"   God.
When you deal with the insane, always pretend you're sane.
Frankly my dear, I don't give a download. -Rhett Sysop.
Sex and death, two things that occur once in a lifetime.
After four decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
Justice: A decision in your favor.
In making decisions, recall that the trend is a friend.
What youth deemed crystal, age finds was dew.
The best defense against logic is stupidity.
That was definately the LAST bug, take my word for it.
I bought dehydrated water...but I don't know what to add.
Whatever you delete today, you desperately need tomorrow.
<<< Tagline deleted by Natl Endowment for the Arts >>>
[... text deleted for brevity ...]
Diplomacy: the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior.
She is descended from a line that her mother listened to.
Genealogy. Tracing descent from someone who didn't.
Who's the designated driver? This mouse is loaded.
Biochemists wear designer genes.
Message sent. Destroy immediately upon receipt.
Important letters develop errors in the mail.
Celery raw develops a jaw. But stewed, is quietly chewed.
Computer: a device designed to drive human beings insane.
SHIN - A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Now... where did I park that hard disk?
The butler did it.
I always did like climbing trees, is this genetic?
So where did we all come from? Stop acting like a monkey.
If picketing didn't exist some kids would never exercise.
If you didn't vote, no complaints about who's in or out.
When agnostics die, do they go to the Great Perhaps?
If I die, I forgive you, if I recover, we shall see.
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Shareware author dies:  .GIF at eleven.
The only difference between her and it is the lipstick.
We're all different, but then again we're all the same.
They who dig pits shall end falling into them.
Check the dilithium crystals, we've got a cross-echo.
Schizophrenia beats dining alone.
A true diplomat struts sitting down.
Wie geht's dir heute?
Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined.
REAL SysOps disconnect the speakers.
Most great discoveries start with making a mistake.
My hard disk went on a diet and lost it's FAT.
The hard disk you save may be your own.
The law disregards trifles, what is this dessert called?
The shortest distance between two puns: a straight line.
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
If you do drink and drive you might as well smoke too.
Married politicians do it to wife and country.
Piano tuners do it twice a year.
Pascal programmers do it with indentations.
Good printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.
If facts do not conform to the theory, dispose of them.
Incorrigible punster -- do not incorrige.
When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Two wrongs do not make a right, it takes three or more.
Those who do not think do not deserve to have a brain.
Lotus executives do not wear Look & Feel T shirts.
If you do nothing, how do you know when you're finished?
You can't do that. It's been digitally cursed.
What's up doc?
Read the docs? Wow, what a radical concept.
The best doctor is the one you hunt for and can't find.
Each young doctor means a new graveyard.
Only a doctor suffers from good health.
Don't trust doctors, they once said you were sane.
Daddy, what does 'read error in FAT' mean?"
No one does as much harm as one going about doing good.
Daddy.  What does Formatting Drive C: mean?
"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"
What good does it do an ass to be called a lion?
A person does not have a sense of humor, it has you.
Mommy, why does that moon have a crack?
My profession?  Does the word "peon" mean anything to you 
DEL *.*     Does WHAT?
This button doesn't do anything.  Please press it again.
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
The truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to.
A good dog barks when told.
It's a dog-eat-dog world, don't wear MilkBone underwear.
To a dog his owner is Napoleon; hence their popularity.
People with dogs are too cowardly to bite for themselves.
People, not dogs, sell their souls for money or power.
Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit.
Don't keep doing things that can't work.
A billion dollars isn't what it used to be.
Backups?  We don' *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx.
If you don't care where you are, then you can't get lost.
If you don't care where you are, then you can't get lost.
I'm flexible..just don't change anything.
Nice computers don't crash.
If you don't eat garlic, they'll never smell it on you.
If you don't fall down, you're not trying.
No, I don't know what "apathy" means, nor do I care.
Two writes don't make a novel.
Hey, wait, don't pick up that ph#{#!@#$%^&*()=.
Tax reform: Don't tax you or me, tax that fellow there.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Pity a donkey with a IQ of 138.  Nobody likes a smart ass 
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Humpty Dumpty DOS - Just a shell of himself.
It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date.
When in doubt, make a backup.
When in doubt, make it sound convincing.
When in doubt, mumble..
When in doubt, use brute force.
When in doubt; Cheat.
Iraq shot down 38 Patriot Missiles with their SCUDS.
Never cut down an Ironwood Tree to build your life raft.
I modem down, but dey grew back.
He walks down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
The best draftees are married men, they take orders.
Dare to dream - no one can take that away from you.
Some zoophilic dreams are really wild.
They who drink beer will think beer.
Do MILs drink goat milk?  They're always butting in.
I quite drinking, smoking, and sex until I got bored.
Foolish fears drive away good fortune.
Is this drive really moving with my head parked?
Losing your drivers' license is God saying "Walk!"  
Anger always drives the mouth faster than the mind.
This rerun due to Tagline Writer's strike.
Se non e vero, e molto ben trovato.
When the eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber.
Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting.
Living on earth is better than loafing around Hades.
Save the earth, some of my best friends live here.
It is easier to admire hard work if you don't do it.
It is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
Virtue is easy for an ugly woman.
It is easy to be wise after the event.
It is easy to propose impossible remedies.
Will vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Save trees, eat beavers.
Since vegetarians eat vegetables, beware of humanitarians 
If vegetarians eat vegetables,..beware of humanitarians!
You can't eat your friends and have them too.
Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it.
Restaurant: An eating place that does not sell drugs.
Mr. Worf!  Eating Christmas Cookies, on my bridge?
Fanaticism: Redoubling effort when your aim is forgotten.
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
Quien da el pan impone la ley.
Bad officials: elected by good citizens who fail to vote.
Raising pet electric eels has lots of current popularity.
Live better, electrically.
Women and elephants never forget real or supposed injury.
Computers also eliminate spare time.
When all else fails, consult Jack Daniels.
When all else fails, dig out the dusty user's manual.
When all else fails, I STILL refuse to read the docs.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When all else is lost, the future still remains.
Get someone else to break the shrink wrap.
Remember, the end never justifies the meanness.
The Tsongas ended, but the malady lingers on.
Every sound ends in silence, but silence never dies.
Where law ends, there tyranny begins.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Love your enemies -- it makes them so damned mad.
An electrical engineer deals with current events.
A bachelor enjoys the chase but doesn't eat the game.
A big enough hammer can usually fix anything.
They know enough who know how to learn.
"Once,"  adverb:  Enough.
Misfortunes always enter any door left open for them.
Classified tagline==Please enter password._
Everyone is entitled to my opinion without charge.
Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.
Mother Nature erred: Leaves should fall up.
Memory overload error noted ... Meltdown now evident.
General stupidity error reading drive C.
Madam, an error, we did a hysterectomy on your husband
Not Ready Error reading user's mind.
Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
I just escaped the twilight zone and fell into the 0zone.
Teamwork is essential it allows you to blame someone else 
Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien.
In Canada, even the female impersonators are women.
Do I even WANT ancestors? Some I wish I could lose.
No person ever became wicked all at once.
Nothing is ever constant, unless it is dead.
Nothing is ever foolproof.  They are always so ingenious.
If you ever have an idea, try to go with it.
Snozzelberry? Who ever heard of a snozzelberry? 
Nobody could ever learn ALL of WordPerfect!
Nobody has ever learned all of WordPerfect.
Did you ever stop to think, and then forget to restart?
Start off every day with a smile and get it over with.
Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is.
At 19, everything is possible; tomorrow looks friendly.
To tolerate everything is to teach nothing.
God made everything out of nothing, but it shows through.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Spring makes everything young again except humans.
Where is everything? All I typed was "Format c:". 
Data, data everywhere, and not a byte to eat.
Silence is evidence of a superb command of the language.
Seize no evil, ears no evil, and nose no evil.
Seize no evil, Ears no evil, and Nose no evil.
Optimization hinders evolution.
All things evolve, nothing is extinguished.
A living example of Artificial Intelligence.
Everything changes except change itself.
Get your exercise as a pallbearer for exercising friends.
Eat healthy, exercise daily, and die young anyway.
A noisy exhaust to some almost amounts to a mating call.
Programs will expand to fill available memory.
Education, not experience, comes from reading fine print.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
All warranties expire upon payment of this invoice.
If you explain so that nobody misunderstands, some will.
Defeat even explained well stinks.
This tagline exploits the illiterate.
My opinions expressed above are not necessarily mine.
Regular or extra crispy, how do you want the environment?
Peeking two-eyed through a keyhole takes a narrow mind.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Keep your eyes open before marriage, half-shut afterwards 
Facing the facts makes it hard to get up in the morning.
When CPR fails, does the doctor order "Barium?"
General Brain Failure.  (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h.
You can't fall off the floor.
Help.  I've fallen and can't reach my beer.
Help. I've fallen and can't get up. A. Tree.
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
The devil falls on account of his gravity.
In a family argument, if you are right apologize at once.
Start a family only if your parents are able to baby sit.
If the family skeleton must remain, make it dance.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Climbing my family tree was fun, until the nuts appeared.
Post-Operative:  Fancy title for a letter carrier.
Being old fashioned is not necessarily good or better.
Error reading FAT Table.  Try Skinny one? (Y/N).
I'm not fat! - just gravitationally challenged. 
And when fate summons even the Tsar must obey.
Irony: Giving father a billfold for Christmas.
The greatest fault is to be conscious of none.
Don't find faults, discovery remedies.
Sandwich: An faulty attempt to make both ends meat.
Windows? !Por Favor, No Rompa Mis Cojones! Gracias!
Pee-Wee's favorite baseball team --> the Expos.
Don't be fazed by new fashions in anything.
Feather by feather the goose is plucked.
Please don't feed the typesetter.
An appeaser feeds a crocodile, hoping to be eaten last.
If I feel like exercise, I lie down until it passes.
Don't you feel that your salami is on the chopping block?
If you're feeling good, don't worry.  You'll get over it.
If it feels good .... Do It.
Yes-men: Fellows who hang around the man nobody noes.
Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens.
Collector: Person few care to see but ask to call again.
He who fights & runs away will live to fight another day.
No bachelor files for divorce after a home-cooked meal.
My twit filter just put me on its twit List.
When you find anything that works, it usually fails.
Unable to find coffee, operator halted.
You always find it in the last place you look.
You'll never find it, in all those loose clothing!
If you find it, it is always in the last place you look.
It's a fine line between fishing & standing still.
We most firmly believe what we least know.
Celebrate the first day you open the windows.
If at first you don't succeed; Blame everyone else.
If at first you don't succeed, fall back and punt.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence.
If at first you don't succeed, don't be foolish, give up.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
If at first you don't succeed, re-format.
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing average.
If at first you don't exceed, try, try again.
If at first you doubt, doubt again.
A word fitly spoken is like a beautiful apple of gold.
* FORD    Fix or Repair Daily.
Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh, what a relief it is.
How time flies, when you have a heap of problems.
CPU time flies when you're having fun.
Public opinion flourishes where there are no ideas.
Said the fly " Let us flee."  Said the flea "Let us fly."
Angels can fly since they take themselves lightly.
Look.  A flying porpoise.
You're being followed, cut out hanky-panky for a few days 
One man's folly is another man's wife.
The four food groups: coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza.
You can fool all people, except but you can't fool Mom.
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.
You can't fool me, that's DIRTY DANCING, I see.
Nothing is foolproof, idiots are too ingenious.
Sometimes even fools make good suggestions.
Farfignewton: German for "ergonomic cookie."
Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall 
Never test for a condition you don't know how to handle.
We're looking for a few good men.
Fine day for a good workout. Steal something heavy.
Ok, now for a quick backu^L+b&2PO^1+=.
"Ok, now for a quick backuL+b&2PO^1+=.
Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
Look out for barking dogs that bite.
Genealogy: Looking for bones in the closet.
Excuse me for butting in.  But, I'm interrupt-driven.
Choose heaven for climate, hell for society.
Farfrompoopin...German word for constipation.
Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike water cooler.
Illiterate?  Write for free help.
Fear not, for I have given you authority.
Never settle for less than your best.
It works for me.
So much for No New TAXES, I'm giving up lip-reading.
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
Reality: Crutch for people who can't read science fiction 
UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
And now for something completely different.
Reality is for those that can't handle drugs.
Work is for those who have nothing better to do.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls the answer can be deadly.
This bug's for you.
"Who cares for you? You're but a deck of cards," -Alice.
Don't wait for your ship to come in, swim out to it.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
May the force be with you.
OBLIGATO -- being forced to practice the piano.
With some foreign food the less authentic, the better.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
Of all forms of caution, cautious love is the most fatal.
Stulti timent fortunam sapientes ferunit.
It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life.
Never lean forward to push an invisible object.
Those who fought for it know the true taste of freedom.
Reader not found, please notify tagline.
I just found the last bug.
Sanity not found.  Abort, Ignore, Retry, Fail?
File not found.  Delete *.* and change directory? (Y/N)_
$ not found:  A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy.
COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out.
Backup not found: Abort, Retry, Massive heart failure?
A sleeping fox counts hens in his dreams.
A true friend is one soul in two bodies.
A true friend is the best possession.
Be a friend to the earth and it will be a friend to you.
I'm user friendly, I don't byte -- I snap.
Choose your friends, allow your enemies to choose you.
Make new friends but keep the old. Like silver and gold.
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
How do frogs die? Ker-mit suicide.
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
"Experience comes from bad judgment." - Mark Twain.
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
The race from stupidity is to the driven, not the swift.
Reality stems from the line printer.
What results from using spot remover on your dog Spot?
Never drink from your finger bowl, it contains only water 
Windows 3.0 - From the people who brought you EDLIN.
The ripest fruit falls first.
"Life is full of little surprises."    - Pandora.
Life is full of little surprises. - Pandora.
Graveyards are full of the indispensable.
Sysoping: More fun than being beaten with a sledgehammer.
Wedding: A funeral where you smell your own flowers.
Here is further away than you think.
There's no future in time travel.
All your future lies beneath your hat.
A)bort R)etry G)et a gun and kill it.
Don't store garlic near other victuals.
Beware of geeks bearing GIFs!
Lets keep genealogy vital.
Men, in general, are but overgrown children.
Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.
Was General George Custer an aficionado of arrow shirts?
Some women get excited about nothing, then marry him.
Good girls get Heaven; Bad girls, the world.
I didn't get the documentation for the manuals.
You can't get there from here.
When you get there, there's no there there.
Things will get worse before they get better, if they do.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Every person gets to heaven in their own way.
Things are getting so bad, muggers won't go out alone.
Give the gift that keeps on giving; a female kitten.
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true.
Quick.  Operator.  Give me the number for 911.
A gun gives you the body, not the bird.
Politics: The glad hand and the marble heart.
Heaven allows glimpses only to those at a distance.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Can I go back to bed now?
Anytime things go better, you have overlooked something.
When you go to the market, use your eyes, not your ears.
Nothing can go wrong...go wrong...go wro*%$@# NO CARRIER.
Women's clothes: Go to extremes, seldom to extremities.
Beware when God lets loose a thinker on this planet.
Why attack God?  He may be as sad about us as we are.
Since life goes on - you might as well get on with it.
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
When the going gets tough, the smart get lost.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
Silver and gold make even pigs seem clean.
Be as good at receiving as you are at giving.
Let no good deed go unpunished.
There are good five-cent cigars, but they cost two bits.
Nickel: Once good for getting the wrong number with.
Greed is good, greed works.
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
A plucked goose doesn`t lay golden eggs.
Garbage in, Gospel out.
I finally got it all together, but forgot where I put it.
I Just got stopped by the LAPD and boy am I beat.
My ex-wife got the gold mine, but I got the shaft.
RTFM?  You've got to be kidding.
A person's got to know his limitations to avoid failure.
When you gotta go, you gotta go!
I don' gotta show you no steenking tag line.
The best government teaches us to govern ourselves.
J'suis le Grand Zombie.
Some people grasp stupidity as though it were a virtue.
Love -- a grave mental disease.
Will your great-grandchildren know you existed and how?
Call waiting, great if you have two friends.
Fun with Greek #4: Fee, �, fo, fum!
Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before.
Jury: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Many foxes grow gray, but few grow good.
We NEVER grow up, we just get older, and older.
The mind grows by what it feeds upon.
A woman's guess is more accurate than a man's certainty.
SYSOP: The guy that is laughing at your typing.
Bachelor: A guy who has cheated a woman out of a divorce.
Youth, a habit of hers so long she couldn't part with it.
Old MacDonald had a computer with EIA I/O.
The child had every toy his father wanted.
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would be so born.
If stupidity had survival value, he would live forever.
IF I had to do it over again, it would be without TV.
If I had two dead mousies, I'd give you one.
Oh well, half of one, six dozen of the other.
Only the hand able to  erase can write the truth.
This open hand of desire wants everything.
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Diode: What happens to people who don't die young.
Dilate: What happens when you live too long.
Even the happiest of amoebae lack sexual organs.
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
Share your happiness with others today.
"Isn't everybody happy?" - Machiavelli
It is hard to believe that even his friends like him.
It is hard to discern when enough is enough + / = / - .
Information is hard to get. Using it is even harder.
Funny thing.... harder I work, luckier I get.
My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R.
Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar 
Every politician has a price, some hold bargain sales.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
Every crowd has a silver lining.
Dan Quayle has all the charisma of a speed bump.
<This Tagline has been removed by U.S. Customs>.
My computer has EMS....Wont you help?
Every Titanic has its iceberg.
Every purchase has its price.
ATTENTION ..............Elvis has left the echo.
A mob has many heads, but no brains.
Hard work has never killed anyone, but why take a chance?
An atheist has no invisible means of support.
A nudist has no reason to fear a pickpocket.
Beauty faded has no second spring.
A committee has six or more legs and no brain.
Ancient custom has the force of law.
This contest has to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
Reality sure has unknown dimensions.
Don't steal.....Politicians hate competition.
Aunt Em. Hate Kansas. Hate you. Took dog. Dorothy.
Anyone can hate. It costs to love.
Every why hath a wherefore.
The sea hath bounds, but true deep desire hath none.
The sea hath bounds, but deep desire hath none.
The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept.
The worst hatred is that of relatives.
Radioactive cats have 18 half lives.
Straight trees have crooked roots.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Today I have grown taller from walking with the trees.
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.
Even weeds have needs.
If I have no mouth but I must scream what should I do?
Folks who have no vices have few virtues.
I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts.
Whatever you have, spend less.
I don't have the time for a hobby.  I have a computer.
Something would have to be done... something Sometimes a  
Something will have to be done, something irresponsible.
All I have to do is imagine, and I am in dreamland.
You never have to explain things you never said.
I don't have to look up my family tree. I'm the sap.
You don't have to think too hard when talking to teachers 
People who have trouble communicating should shut up.
Little pitchers have wide ears.
I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Blessed is he expecting nothing, and never disappointed.
Shamed be he who thinks evil of it.
David Duke: He climbs into bed and he's in uniform.
He's tan, he's rested.  Nixon in '92!
A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart.
Standing on head makes smile of frown for mouth only.
The greatest headaches are those we cause ourselves.
Those without heads do not need hats.
Penguin: The headwaiter of the Antarctic.
Ignore your health and it will go away.
Did you hear about the new deli that opened in India??
Do well, hear of it never. Do ill, hear of it forever.
Follow your heart and let your head take care of itself.
A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.
Hot water heaters?    Hot water needs heating?
Is this Heaven... No. Smell, its Iowa.
The only heavy breathing I ever hear is after aerobics.
What the heck just happened here?
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Even hairless heiresses are always beautiful.
What the hell, go and put all your eggs in one basket.
Go to hell is the only answer a snooper's question rates.
Greetings from Hell....wish you were here.
It doesn't help to curse the darkness.
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
"Off with her head!" shouted the Queen.
Drama in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater.
Always tell her she is beautiful, even if she isn't.
She devotes her spare time to neglecting duties.
To love her was a liberal education.
A billion here, a billion there, soon it is real money.
Animal attraction: here for hunger or for love.
You aren't here forever, enjoy each day as a miracle.
Opinions expressed here or there are not necessarily mine 
It is hereditary in my family to have no children.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents didn't, you won't.
Celibacy isn't hereditary. Your children force it on you.
I'm a hero with coward's legs.
He who hesitates at the wrong time is lunch for a shark.
"He who hesitates is lunch !"
He who hesitates is several miles from the next exit.
He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.
Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
Who to himself is law, no law doth need.
It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'.
Beware of hip and rum drivers.
Look into his eyes, and see if someone else is driving.
Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air.
He wasn't his mother's favorite, and he was an only child.
In human history, most leaders prove to be good bleeders.
Common politics: Holding an office of trust for profit.
Fluoridate martinis: holes in your liver not your teeth.
To return home, you must walk backwards in time & space.
Where do honey bees go potty?  At a BP station naturally.
Bumper sticker: Honk if you're illiterate.
Cogito, ergo Hormel - I think, therefore I Spam.
Tonight, no hostages for you and no prisoners for me.
Twenty-four hour banking: I just don't have time for it.
For sale: Hourglass for timing Windows.
Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
A man's house is his hassle.
No matter how large that drive is, it'll never be enough. 
It's amazing how mature wisdom resembles being tired.
It's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
You realize how short a month when you pay alimony.
Have you hugged your computer today?
Homo sum; humani nihil a me alienum puto.
I'm more humble than you are.
What Saddam Hussein's mom said: Abort, Retry, Fail?
Why do I always shrug my shoulders?  I have no idea.
I'm not..no I am..no, I'm NOT indecisive. Am I?
Of course I can cook, but I never do it on the first date 
My mind.  I can feel it.  I can feel it going. Goodbye.
At least I can use his code as a bad example.
I wish I could come up with an original tagline.
Golly, Yogi, I don't think Mr. Ranger's gonna like this.
Last week I even forgot how to ride a bicycle.
Why did I ever start this, anyway?
Oh could I fly, I'd fly with thee.
Where can I fnid a spell chequer for taglines?
Ever since I gave up hope, I feel much better.
How come I get all the hard questions?
The older I get, it seems the better I used to be.
How did I get round from eating square meals.
I think I got it made & they throw something else at me.
Every time I have answers, someone changes questions.
Why should I have to pay a troll just to cross a bridge?
Just when I make ends meet, someone moves one end.
No Commander, I meant the OTHER battleship.
Beat's me!!! I never read the documentation.
I/O  I/O  IT'S WRITE TO DISK I GO  I/O  I/O.
I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.
I multitask... I read in the bathroom.
I came; I saw; I screwed up.
How do I set my laser printer to stun?
Overdrawn?  But I still have checks left.
Of course I tessssted it.
Bubble, Bubble..Am I too late to jump the ship ?
Back when I was a boy, we carved our own ICs out of wood.
Oh that?  I was playing leap frog with a unicorn.
Art is I; Science is We.
Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline writer.
One day I'm a windshield, the next day a bug thereon.
Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo.
Don't shoot! I'm only the Casio player.
Help me, I'm stuck in here! - A Tagline.
Just when I've found the answer, you change the question.
Every valuable idea offends someone.
A simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Most wonderful ideas are so obvious that they're not.
Words and ideas are what change our world.
Hero-worship: Idol gossip.
Texas Barbecue, if you can taste the meat someone goofed.
The truth, if you recognize, will clear out your sinuses.
It's not if you win or lose. It's placing the blame.
Time slows if you're on the outside of the bathroom door.
Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
Never despair.  If you do, you will work on into despair.
Simple rule: If you don't treat me right, shame on you.
A little ignorance can go a long way.
Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless 
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Abort, Retry, Ignore, hold Requiem Mass?
Abort, Retry, Ignore, plan a Funeral Service?
Abort, Retry, Ignore, say Kaddish?
Abort, Retry, Ignore, Valium?
Sick Pay: Ill-gotten gains.
Time: an illusion perpetrated by the makers of space.
We are immortal, but only for a very limited time.
Events of importance often result from trivial causes.
God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it.
Nothing is impossible for he who doesn't have to do it.
If things improve with age, I'm nearly magnificent.
Mistrust first impulses, they are always good.
24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case.  Hmmmm.....
A person in a passion is riding a mad horse.
Never invest in anything that eats or needs painting.
Rational information in arguments not permitted here.
A nose in artificial manure is not studying nature.
We are in bondage to the law so that we may be free.
Engraving is, in brief terms, the art of scratch.
Elevators travel in groups.  Only one of them knows why.
So crowded in here, I must go outside to change my mind.
Syntax Error in KITCHEN.H : COFFEE not found.
A mother-in-law is often a mother.
Not everything in life is funny.
Wise men in love act the fool.
All's fair in love and war - What a contemptible lie.
A man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple.
Usually insane; in lucid moments merely stupid.
Water taken in moderation, cannot do very much harm.
A friend in need is a pest.
Mountains culminate in peaks, and nations in people.
As lacking in privacy as a goldfish.
Boldly start in reverse, 'cause that's the genealogy way.
Everything starts in somebody's head as a daydream.
It runs in the blood like wooden legs.
A bird in the bush can't make a mess in your hand.
A pain in the butt may be a friend in need..
Will people in the CIS be known as sissies?
A shot in the dark = searching for a needle in hay stack.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
A bird in the hand's better than one overhead.
To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die.
When down in the mouth, think of Jonah, he came out OK.
See you in the movies.
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to who adores you.
No parking in the red zone.
The fish in the sea are as good as the fish removed.
We're all in this alone.
The characters in this message are recyclable.
A lie in time saves nine.
I am in total control, but please don't tell my wife.
Pedestrians come in two types: Quick or Dead.
Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
Mental Floss: In one ear and out the other.
Justice is incidental to law and order.
Batteries not included.
Notice: All incoming fire has the right of way.
Meetings are indispensable for doing nothing.
Change is inevitable ... except from vending machines. 
Dulce bellum inexpertis.
Due to inflation, all clouds will now be lined with zinc.
<-------- The information went data way -------->
Conscience: the inner voice warning somebody is looking.
I'm as innocent as a new-laid egg.
Beep. Invalid Input.  I take only cash.
Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
Scrute the inscrutable;  eff the ineffable.
Outside noisy, inside empty.
It's what inside you, not the outside that counts.
The best insominia cure is a good night's sleep.
To cure insomnia, get lots of sleep.
Repartee: An insult with a suit and tie on.
Cynicism is intellectual dandyism.
Instinct is intelligence incapable of self-consciousness.
This space intentionally left blank.
This fortune intentionally not included.
Midas was into golden showers.
Once more into the breach.
If I invested in GM, it would be busted to Corporal.
Any socialism involves more slavery than democracy.
Iron sharpens iron; scholar, the scholar.
If thou is a artist, how does one grasp your art?
Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.
If this is a battle, then you have already lost.
The world is a beautiful book, for those who can read it.
Mother nature is a bitch.
A newspaper is a collection of half-injustices.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Beware! This is a dangerous product, manuals required.
Any certainty is a delusion.
Old age is a disease without a cure.
The universe is a figment of it's own imagination.
An optimist is a guy without much experience.
If life is a highway... What's the Queensway?
A horse is a horse, of course, of course.
Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.
A person is a lion in his own cause.
A husband is a lover with the nerve extracted.
A celebrity is a person who is known for well-knownness.
A yawn is a silent shout.
Where there is a stink feces there is the odor of being.
A mind is a terrible thing to taste.
A mind is a terrible thing to lay off.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Our life is a trip between two eternities.
If God is all knowing, can He understand DSZ docs?
No answer is also an answer.
A farmer is always going to make it rich the next year.
Humble pie is always hard to swallow with your pride.
One who is always in a stew generally goes to pot.
A choice is always possible, even without any options.
Our future is always uncertain our end is always too near 
A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.
A mouse is an elephant built in Japan.
An alcoholic is an enemy who drinks as much as you do.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
This machine is an instrument of terror.
Good advice is an insult that should be forgiven.
If there is an obvious solution it is always obvious.
An authority is anyone who guessed right more than once.
All reality is aspect dependent.
This door is baroque; please call Bach later.
Gun Control is being able to hit your target.
My widget is better than yours simply because it's MINE.
Running Windows is better than washing them.
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
Herman Hollerith is buried 9 edge, face down.
A jug is carried under your coat for a dishonest reason.
The world is coming to an end --- please log off now.
MS-DOS is CP/M on steroids.
MS-DOS is CP/M on steroids.
Old Grandad is dead, but his spirit lives on.
The answer is easier when the question is hypothetical.
Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
Good advice is given when too old to set a bad example.
Well begun is half done.
This discussion is hanging by a thread.
A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
Chastity Belt is here. Do you have the right key?
To err is human and stupid.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human.  To purr feline.
To eat is human. To digest divine.
To iterate is human;  to recurse, divine.
To speed is human; to get caught, de fine.
One who is in peril thinks with their legs.
Superior firepower is invaluable when negotiations start.
If life is just a bowl of cherries, throwing pits is OK.
Justice delayed is justice denied.
Real knowledge is knowing the extent of one's ignorance.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Shared pain is lessened;  shared joy is increased.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only heavier.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much heavier 
The world is like a cactus except the pricks are inside.
My mind is like a blotter: Soaks it up, gets it backwards 
Network management is like trying to herd cats.
This mouse is loaded, who's the designated driver?
No person is lonely while eating spaghetti.
What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
This screen is microwave, dishwasher and fly safe.
My brain is my second favorite organ.
The sun is never the worse for shining on a dunghill.
Where there is no shame, there is no honor.
Judicial reform is no sport for the short-winded.
A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet.
The cinema is not a slice of life but a piece of cake.
The consumer is not a moron, it is your spouse.
A mother is not a dust rag.
The city is not a concrete jungle.  It is a human zoo.
5�  floppy is not better than 3�  hard.
The problem is not if machines think, but if people do.
Education which is not modern, faces the organic fate.
An idea is not responsible for fools who believe in it.
An idea is not responsible for people who believe in it.
If it is not there, it must be here, or it doesn't exist.
The future is not what it used to be.
The past is not what it will be.
A hole is nothing but you can still break your neck in it 
A hole is nothing but you can still break your neck in it 
Man: There is nothing more miserable and more arrogant.
The truth is one thing that nobody will believe.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A lady is one who only shows her underwear intentionally.
This tagline is only for the living.
When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
If God is perfect, why do discontinuous functions exist?
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.
The time is right to make new friends.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than Whe 
This tagline is SHAREWARE! To register, send $20.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away 
No one is so happy or sad as he imagines.
A friend is something you earn.
Anything simple is stated in the most complicated manner.
My life is still in BETA test.
A lie is terminological inexactitude.
Software, hardware, -- is that you talking Sigmund?
Your trouble is that your absence makes good company.
Every person is the architect of their own fortune.
Good taste is the flower of good sense.
A shower is the halfway point between bed and world.
Applied emotion is the key to success with happiness.
Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel.
Real wealth is the kind that can only increase.
Hmmm, When is the last time the Tooth Fairy visited you?
An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.
A husband is the medicine for the ills of girlhood.
Pretending sleep is the most common birth control device.
A book is the only immortality.
The proof is the phylogeny of plant-animal interactions.
TV advertising is the rattling inside a swill bucket.
Petty crime is the scourge of business today.
A smile is the sunshine that is a part of life.
The pen is the tongue of the mind.
A newspaper is to a book as a whore is to a lady.
To publish is to appear in public with your pants down.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of your ignorance.
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What grammar is to speech, logic is to reason.
No job is too simple nor too small to make a mess out of. 
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken can be sung.
That tagline is TRUE ->  "x"  <- That tagline is FALSE.
That tagline is TRUE ->  <- That tagline is FALSE.
This tagline is umop apisdn.
A "program" is used to turn data into error messages.
A father is usually a banker provided by nature.
Everything free is usually worth exactly what it cost.
Big Brother is watching.
The end is what usually justifies the diet.
Whatever it is, whenever it occurs, I'm against it.
A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking.
No generalization is wholly true, not even this one.
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
The laborer is worthy of his hire, only if his labor is.
And this is your brain over-easy with a side of bacon.
mY lINKAGE iS sTUCK iN rEVERSE.
Life is...life is...life is...life is a kumquat.
The question is: "(2 * B!) OR NOT(2 * B!)"
A liar isn't believed even when he speaks the truth.
The Ranger isn't going to like it, Yogi.
Silent gratitude isn't of much value to anyone.
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
If it isn't true, at least it is a happy invention.
Common sense isn't.
Electricians do it 'till it Hz.
Nobody's seen it all.
Engineers do it by calculation and design.
Other than it doesn't work, it works fantastic for me.
Communication.. without it, everyone's a mushroom.
Priests do it faithfully with Masses.
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Genealogists do it in the library.
In Chicago it is important to vote early and often.
With some it isn't the thought, it's the gift behind it.
Show affection, it may result in a pleasant response.
I think it needs more juice.
Some days it take effort to just keep up with the losers.
Why is it that if you leave the room, you're elected?
Why is it that there are never enough days in a weekend?
Seismologists do it to a fault.
Sailors do it upon the waves.
Hams do it with frequency, till their GIGAHERTZ.
Programmers do it with their fingers.
Communists do it without class.
Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.
Always smile.  It makes people wonder what you're up to. 
Can't see it? It's there.  I'm using stealth technology.
PS/2 it?  PS/on it too.
I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's.
Chastity is it's own punishment.
RTFM: But it's the computer manuals I hate.
I'm ok, it's the world that's screwed up.
Forget *HIM* it's time to run a *HER* for president.
Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy.
Bigamist: An Italian fog.
Most free items find an eager waiting user.
Ambition destroys its possessor.
History repeats itself because nobody listens.
World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Is a Jamaican terminal a Rastafarian?
If it jams -- force it.  It needed replacing anyway.
I'm incredibly jealous, but still glad for you.
Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, spirits are about to speak.
Very few jobs actually require a penis or vagina.
Jesus Saves, Johnson scores on the rebound.
Thousands of journeys have a start but no end.
All wanting joy must share it, happiness was born a twin.
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
You can judge a man by how he keeps his golf score.
You can't judge Egypt by Aida.
You can judge the success of a man by his bodyguards.
With our judgements as our watches, none go just alike.
You can't jump a canyon in two leaps.
Life is just a bowl of chili, but no beans for you.
cigar is just a cigar.
Yes Dear, just a few more minutes....
Gravity:  Not just a good idea, it's the law.
Sysoping, not just an adventure, sometimes it's emesis.
Your karma just ran over my dogma.
Instant Human: Just add caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine.
Don't Panic. Just push the Reset button.
Too often justice is incidental to law and order.
KENNEDY COMPOUND -KEEP OUT- TRESPASSERS MAY BE VIOLATED!
Press any key - i.e. the key with  "ANY"  on it.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key... NO!... except that one.
A KGB keyboard has no <ESC> key.
Error: No Keyboard: Press F1 to Continue.
Guns don't kill people  off-line readers do.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
Suicidal twin kills brother by mistake.
Baptism: A kind of damp bar mitzvah.
Misfortune:  The kind of fortune that never misses.
It's the kind of thing that makes people go "Hmmmmmm.."
May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss.
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
I never knew lasers could be printed.
To really know a relative, divide an inheritance with him 
And you know Flipper, he lives in a world full of wonder.
For some: know God & know peace/others: no God & no peace 
I don't know how much more she'll take of this, Captain.
Let me know if this message doesn't get through to you.
Not to know is bad, but not to wish to know is worse.
You must know much before you know how little you know.
Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
Did you know that no-one ever reads these things?
The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
If you know the spelling of a word, you will err anyway.
You never know unless you ask, answer not guaranteed.
You'll never know until you ask the right source.
Don't you know where *your* towel is?
Everyone should know where his towel is.
Do you know where your ancestors were and what they did?
You must know your limits to break through them.
DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT A 'cAPS lOCK' KEY IS?
Tact is knowing how far to go in going too far.
Virtual: not knowing where your next byte is coming from.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
The more known about people, the more to admire in dogs.
If everybody knows such-and-such, then it just ain't so.
A critic knows the way but can't drive the vehicle.
Nobody else knows what to do either.
All the kookies are not in the jar.
-----T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E------- 
What orators lack in depth, they give in length.
The best laid plans often go a fowl.
Sub omni lapide scorpio dormit.
Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
Documentation:  The last resort.
A wife lasts as long as a marriage, an ex-wife for ever.
Status Quo--Latin for the mess we are in.
Hasten to laugh at everything, or later you may weep.
We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him.
He who laughs last probably made a backup.
He who laughs last probably doesn`t understand the joke.
He who laughs, lasts.
Prsentez toujours le devant au monde.
You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture 
Fat heads, lean brains.
If we learn from losing, we become winners in the end.
If you learn from mistakes, you will learn a lot today.
As I learn, I know about more things I don't yet know.
The wise learn more from fools than fools from the wise.
What is learned in youth is understood in age.
Imagination without learning is having wings but no feet.
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
Mistakes at least show someone did something at sometime.
Remember to leave 15% for the tip of the iceberg.
Ein unntz Leben ist ein frher Tod.
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Elvis hasn't left the building, he's just in the john.
Judge not, lest ye be judged incompetent by the world. 
Friends don't let friends drive Fords.
And now, let the fun begin.
They never let you live it down. One little mistake.
God said,  Let Newton be!  and all was light.
Taxidermy Cafe: Let us stuff you.
Take your levity whenever and wherever you can find it.
Figures don't lie, but liars can figure.
If you lie to the computer, it will get you in the end.
Mythology: Invented lies for future consumption.
Rumors love lies.
Fact of life #15: Heads bleed, walls don't.
Rise from life as a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.
All human life ends when you take a "dirt nap."
Men know life too early, women too late.
Most weight lifters are biceptual.
Love is like a baseball game, three strikes you're out.
Love is like a baseball game, four balls and you walk.
He bellows like a cow standing on her tit.
Bach is like a jetstream -if you can get on it, you soar!
Money is like an arm or leg - use it or lose it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Sex is like an industrial film covered in fur..
It looks like an optical illusion, but it isn't.
I don't like broccoli either.
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
Nothing astonishes like common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing succeeds like failure.
Cats are like furry dilettanti, or the reverse?
Life is like Jazz, it should be improvised.
Do you like me for my brain, or my BAUD?
Opinions are like noses, almost everybody has one. 
1024x768x256.... Sounds like one mean woman.
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom.
Laws are like sausages, it is better to not see them made.
Sharp wits, like sharp knives, often cut their owner.
Nothing recedes like success.
If you like this one, wait until you hear my next story.
Time flies like wind.  Fruit flies like pears.
It sounds like you enjoy looking forward to yesterday.
Life is like......an analogy.
The other line always moves faster.
Witty tag line placed here. -->
Even the lion has to protect himself against flies.
Menu:  A list of meals the restaurant has just run out of 
If you listen to fools the mob rules.
If people listened to themselves, they would shut up.
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
Beware of little expenses. A small leak can sink a ship.
Taxation is little more than legalized extortion.
May you live all the days of your life.
Born crying, live complaining, die disappointed.
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Life!  Can't live with it, can't live without it.
Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards.
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
LAMA=priest.  LLAMA=beast.  LLLAMA=conflagration.
Dime de lo que blasonas, y te dire de lo quwe careces.
Half a loaf is surely much better than no vacation at all
Logic is logic. That's all I say.
To live long, it is necessary to live slowly.
If U look close enough, the truth is hidden in the words.
Robotech? Oh, look Darling, it's Dallas in outer space!
How you look depends on who is looking.
That concept looks like a chicken in a windstorm.
I got lost in thought.  I was in unfamiliar territory.
I have lost my mind, but it must be backed-up somewhere.
I haven't lost my mind ... It's backed up somewhere!
I haven't lost my mind.  It must be backed up somewhere.
Even a lot of help at the wrong time adds up to nothing.
Actions speak louder than words -- but not so often.
UNIX are lousy lovers.
When seeking love give nothing.  Finding love give all.
Sleep warm, love well and carry a big stick.
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
A perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 am.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
Only the lucky find life is two steps forward, one back.
If Old MacDonald had a computer, it uses Eee-aye-eee I/O.
History is made at night.
Spongecake:  Dessert made of borrowed ingredients.
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
Avoid junk mail, get an unlisted ZIP code.
OFF-line mail make sysops happy.
Nuclear submarine's major problem: Whale mating season.
Ho to make a long story short: Forget the punch line.
If you make a mistake, fix it to the best of your ability 
Anything I make can become a cause for my sorrow.
Old computers make great boat anchors.
Computers don't make mistakes, but foolish people do.
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Empty vessels make the most sound.
Being punctual makes people think you have nothing to do.
A teetotaller makes the worst drunkard.
Give the man a cigar.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
Where no man has.. where no ONE has.. to hell with it.
Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned 
Shake, a man of note, wrote so many things to quote.
Confucius say: Man with hand in pocket is having a ball.
Self-made man: A horrible example of unskilled labor.
Happiness is mandatory....Are you happy?
Wisdom of many and the wit of a half.
Why don't many cats swim?  Why don't many fish fly?
A great many family trees were started by grafting.
Sin has many tools, a lie is only handle for them all.
There are many ways to show affection.
A good marriage outlasts the first box of dental floss.
Better to marry a man who loves you than one you love.
Attention K-Mart shoppers, today the special is...
What's the matter Colonel Sanders.......CHICKEN?
It doesn't matter if you win, it's the point spread.
Remember: No matter where you go; there you are.
Great minds may at times think alike, if at all.
Lost gold may be found, time lost is gone forever.
Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away 
A horse may go freely to water, but a pencil must be lead 
Some settling may have occurred in shipping.
The meek may inherit earth. Those who dare, the stars.
Smile you may meet a person who will play with your life.
Your mileage may vary.
You disagree?  May I plea guilty by reason of sanity?
Nuclear Weapons:  May they rust in peace.
E = mc� � 2 dB.
Married.. Who me ?  ... I can't mate in captivity.
Subliminal:  Send me $1000 in small, unmarked bills.
Beulah, peel me a grape.
As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.
Recycle: For me, for you, for them, and them, and them.  
Stay with me, I want to be alone.
It's not me,  it's just the way they dress me. 
Please let me know if you did not receive this.
Quick! hand me that solar-powered flashlight.
Oh, pardon me, was that *your* culture?  So sorry.
Don't hit me!!  I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
It is meaningless to speak of domesticating a child.
If nobody measures up, it's time to check your yardstick.
Only a mediocre person is ever at their best.
How much memory have you got?  One brain, one memory.
A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial.
I smell memory leakage.  Someone here is dozing.
Talk about memory, this system includes a sense of guilt.
80% of men cheat in America, the rest in Europe.
How come men got nipples?
Malice is merely stupidity raised to a higher power.
Mac screen message: "Like, dude, something went wrong."
So many messages ... So little time left. 
I never met a chocolate I didn't like.
We have met the enemy, and he's all yours.
Reality-O-Meter:  [\.......]  Hmmph!  Thought so.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
BBS: a method to triple your phone bill.
UNIX, the MF of all DOS's.
Minnie and Mickey Mouse are slow maze learners.
Mental floss might prevent moral decay. 
If your mind goes blank, remember to turn down the sound.
An open mind is wonderful if matching mouth not included.
Blow your mind, smoke gunpowder.
Strength of mind: Person who can eat one salted peanut.
Money: A mint makes it first and we try to make it last.
Witches who misbehave are sent to their broom.
I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving.
If I'd miss you when you're gone - would you leave now?
Today's special:  Misspelt words at no extra charge.
Positive: Being mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Stop spelling misteaks: use error correcting modems.
You obviously mistook me for someone who knows.
Modern poets mix too much water with their ink. -Goethe
Look after molehills mountains will look after themselves 
Tend the molehills, the mountains look after themselves.
God dislikes money -- look who he gives it to.
There is more at stake here than our lives.
Nothing is more believed as that known least by the most.
There are more dead than living and they are increasing.
Not everything more difficult is more meritorious.
Silence is more eloquent at times than words.
Carelessness does more harm than a want of knowledge.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
I feel more like I do now than I did a while ago.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Children have more need of models than of critics.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
Congress finds more profit in supporting tobacco than you
Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their minds 
Evangelists do more than lay people, sometimes.
If it's more than you need, it's greed.
Pedestrian: The most approachable chap in the world.
Children: the most common sexually transmitted disease.
The thing most generally raised on land is taxes.
Corruption. The most infallible symptom of liberty.
Idling is most joyful when there is plenty of work to do.
Toil is most pleasant when done.
Advertisement: The most truthful part of a newspaper.
Nitrate: The motel rate for a stay of more than two hours 
From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
Windows, icons, mouse and pointer = WIMP.
My poor mouse only has one ball.
A closed mouth gathers no flies.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A big mouth travels far and fast.
Let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
IRS: How much did you make last year?  Please remit same.
Life is much easier if you look at the source code.
Character is much easier kept than recovered.
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me 
You can multi-task on C-64s... keep a multitude of them.
California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
Brain, like muscle, works better if regularly exercised.
Organic:  Church music.
A woman must be a genius to create a good husband.
Most allies must be watched just like the enemy.
A fool must now and then be right by chance alone.
A fool must search for a greater fool to find admiration.
Left lane must turn right. 
An attacker must vanquish, a defender need only survive.
Oh captain! my captain! our fearful trip is done.
Typos? Blame my cat.
Drawing on my fine command of English, I said nothing.
Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch.
Maytag is my middle name: I'm an agitator.
I prefer my oysters fried.  Then I know my oysters died.
Just send my paycheck to MasterCard or VISA.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Please take my word for it.
Must go - My attack cat needs her claws filled.
I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat.
The first myth of management is that management exists.
Stick \'stik\ n. 1: A boomerang that doesn't work
Angling: The name given to fishing by non-fishermen.
Hi, my name is Rover, I'll paint your car yellow free.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Avant-Garde Narrow: a typeface for the broad-minded.
Parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus.
Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
People, by nature, are civic animals.
Swell-head: Nature's frantic effort to fill a vacuum.
A clean, neat, and orderly desk is a sign of a sick mind.
Age needn't necessarily be a bar to immaturity.
Postage not necessary if mailed within the United States.
No decorations necessary.
DO I need a modem for each phone line?
Quick, I need a tagline, let me steal yours.
I don't need a warranty. I'll just take it back..
Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
I fear needing explanations of things explained.
I'm just needling you about the thread.
This country needs more unemployed politicians.
Legal marijuana needs true glaucoma patients.
Love thy neighbor ... just never get caught.
Trust your neighbors, but brand your cattle.
Actions are neither as good nor as evil as impulses.
Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf.
Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf !!
Age is never a bar to human immaturity.
Pragmatism should never be confused with moderation.
Cowards can never be moral.
Hearts will never be practical 'til they're unbreakable.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Old soldiers never die, they just fade away..
Old programmers never die.  They branch to a new address.
Excess is never enough.
Stealth means never having to say you're sorry.
Will Rogers never met Saddam Hussein.
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
You can never stand still nor go backwards in time.
A person never tells you anything until contradicted.
Faint hearts never win in love nor sell life insurance.
Get a new lease on life, do you have the security deposit 
Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave.
Morbid: The next higher offer at an auction.
Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, in the dictionary.
I be nibble, you be quick, he jump over the joystick.
Have a nice day.
It's been nice meeting you, and nicer to see you leave.
Isn't it nice that egotists don't talk about other people.
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Tonight's the night:  Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
There are no answers at best a few possibly good guesses.
There is no defense except stupidity against a new idea.
Stupidity is no excuse for not thinking.
Tradition is no excuse for insensitivity or racism.
Hunting is no fun when the rabbit has the gun.
Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched.
There is no gravity, the earth sucks.
I see no humor here, I can only laugh at the thought.
There is no joy in Mudville, mighty Casey has struck out.
Happiness is no laughing matter.
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
There are no limits for journeys of the mind.
Stupidity has no limits, genius does.
No condo, no MBA, no BMW, no 486, no clever tagline.
Fax me no questions, I'll Fax you no lies.
Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned.
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
Carasvemos, corazones no sabemos.
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
There is no such thing as bravery; only degrees of fear.
This tagline no verb.
Brain damage?  No thanks, I already have some.
Time goes? No.  Alas time stays, we go.
Avoid The Noid.
Boy:  A noise with dirt on it.
A red nose can be the result of sunshine or moonshine.
Even a noseless dog can stink.
Sex is not a answer. Sex is a question. Yes is the answer 
I am not a dictator.  It's just I have a grumpy face.
Edam is not a Dutch Cheese, it's "made" backwards.
Stupidity is not a handicap.  You have to park elsewhere.
Destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice.
Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it is a predicament.
Strange but not a stranger...
Revolutions are not about trifles, but from trifles grow.
Things are not always as they seem.
Friendships are not always preserved in alcohol.
I am not an animal!  I am what I am, but not an animal.
I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you.
I may not be perfect, but I am all I got.
I may not be totally perfect, but some parts are OK.
Condense soup, not books.
Please do not break character.
Oh no, not deja-vu again. Oh no, not deja-vu again. Oh no 
Faith will not die while seed catalogs are printed.
America was not discovered by Americans, shame on them.
Warning, do not download SAFESEX.ZIP it is a trojan.
Earth was not earth before her sons appeared.
It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail. 
Words are not food, though sometimes we must eat them.
It matters not if you win or lose, it is what I do.
Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
No, I'm not just another extended character.
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
They do not love that do not show their love.
Ethics is not necessarily the handmaiden of theology.
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
Knowledge rests not on truth alone, but upon error also.
He is not only dull within, but causes dullness without.
It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds.
I do not pretend to know what the ignorant are sure of.
Art does not reproduce the visible; it makes visible.
Read messages, not taglines.
Bastard toadflax: not the result nearsighted horny toads.
Lead me not to temptation, I enjoy finding it myself.
If it's not true, it's quite easily found.
"Make love not war" people probably flunked both.
If it's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Today is not your lucky day. You won't have one this year 
Oh, no! Not *ANOTHER* learning experience.
Oh, no. Not another learning experience.
Used Car: Not what it is jacked up to be.
THIS TAGLINE NOT TO BE REMOVED UNDER PENALTY OF LAW.
I'm human: nothing human smells strange to me.
I know nothing, I see nothing, I didn't wake up yet.
To do nothing is in every person's power.
To risk nothing is to risk everything.
There is nothing to scratch but the surface. 
Some nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
To live now, first come to terms with your past.
Think hard now.  Which one is Shinola?
I'm the NRA, and if I can't vote twice, I'll shoot you.
Kernel panic: Nut lose in operator's chair.
Do health nuts die of nothing?
F r o m  the  s l o w  s p e a k e r s  o f  A m e r i c
A small object that is accidentally dropped will hide.
Nothing really obnoxious ever totally disappears.
You can observe a lot by watching.
The wife of a careless man is almost a widow.
Purring....the sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Fiddle: Friction of a horse's tail on a cat's entrails.
The proof of a system's value is its existence.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
The mark of a true MBA : often wrong, but seldom in doubt 
The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth.
Be suspicious of all non-native-born Esperanto speakers.
In case of atomic attack, prayer in schools will be OK.
A thing of beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Honesty: Fear of being caught.
What kind of cars do Proctologists drive?  Ford Probes.
Love is of chemistry, sex is of physics.
43rd Law of Computing:  Anything that can go wrong, will.
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
Menu: List of dishes which the restaurant has run out of.
An inch of dog is better than a mile of pedigree.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
An ounce of example is worth a ton of advice.
The cost of feathers has risen, now even down is up.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
The picture of health requires a happy frame of mind.
The roots of honesty and virtue lie in a good education.
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
The law of intelligent tinkering: save all the parts.
First rule of intelligent tinkering: save all the parts.
The Day of Judgement is approaching, or it is not.
The tree of liberty is watered with the blood of tyrants.
Everyone complains of memory, no one of judgment.
America, land of opportunity for Japanese businessmen.
A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
The purification of politics is an iridescent dream.
A ounce of pretension = a pound of manure.
A ounce of pretension = a pound of manure!
A ounce of pretension = a pound of manure.
A mother of quintuplets gave spouse a separate bedroom.
The wages of sin go unreported.
The covers of some books are too far apart.
Thinking ill of someone can be a two-way street. 
The plural of spouse is spice.
The Church of St. Humid the Incontinent.
The probability of success if not almost 1 is usually 0.
A spoonful of sugar helps any medicine go down.
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
Never think of the future.  It comes too soon regardless.
Parents: One of the hardships of a minor's life.
The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack.
The footprint of the owner is the best manure.
The welfare of the people is the chief law.
Biography: One of the terrors of death.
Bad spellers of the world untie.
The world of today is run by "C" students of yesterday.
The course of true anything never does run smoothly.
State Dept. of Unnecessary Double Redundancies Section.
The bird of war is not the eagle but the stork.
The object of war is to allow them die for their country.
Man, born of woman is of few days; full of trouble.
A deluge of words and drop of sense.
Protein: Supportive of young people.
The show-off is always shown-up in a show-down.
Keep hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
Master debaters often argue with themselves.
Beauty is often in the thighs of the beholder.
Non-fiction often is more unrealistic than fiction.
Discoveries are often made by not following instructions.
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to total failure.
Sure, when OINK FLAP OINK FLAP ... I'll be damned.
PCs are OK except when you use them as bowling balls.
Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse?
Preserve the old, but know the new.
To the old cat, the tender mouse.
Adult:  One old enough to know better.
Women go on diets. Men just eat less... and grow fat.
We walk on like an elephant and back off like a giraffe.
She's been on more laps than a napkin.
Georgia is on my mind.
A vote on the tally sheet is worth two in the box.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
Be nice on your way up you'll meet again on the way down.
Life is one long process of getting tired.
Politics: When one makes a decision that involves others.
There's always one more bug.
There's always one more SOB than you counted on.
Smoking is one of leading causes of statistics.
Childish Game: One at which your spouse beats you.
Honest Politician: One who stays bought.
All for one; one for all, except me above all.
Misteaching: Telling one's grandmother how to suck eggs.
Things could only be worse in Cleveland.
The scenery only changes for the lead dog.
Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
If youth only had a chance or old age any brains.
Age is only important if you're a cheese.
There is only one sure way to throw dice: away.
Postscript: The only thing of interest in some letters.
Yawn: The only time some men get to open their mouths.
Shareware it only works if you pay.
You are only young once, but it is easy to stay immature.
Curly; " Oooh, short wave?"  Moe: "No, permanent."
Just my opinion (But I'm right).
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for.
Antonym:  The opposite of the word you're searching for.
Bad command or file name.  Go stand in the corner.
Hell, Heaven or Hoboken by Christmas.
Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.
When uncertain, or in doubt, run in circles and scream.
To be or not to be...  What a stupid question.
Any priest or shaman is guilty until proven innocent.
The luck ordained for you will be coveted by others.
Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
A good organizer is the one who is careful to plan ahe
Forget your origin, always know where you're heading.
Other times, other customs.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
To understand other's miseries, look at their pleasures.
Catastrophes to others are everyday events to you.
Reputation:  What others are not thinking about you.
Tact: Describing others as they see themselves.
Do unto others, then split.
We make our own fortunes and call them our fate.
Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends.
The fewer our wants, the more we resemble the gods.
Manuals come out, after all possible keystrokes fail.
Take egotism out, and you castrate the benefactors.
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy.
Let me out of here fast. TRON is catching up.
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in.
Help stamp out vandalism, or I'll break all your windows.
Help stamp out vandalism, or I'll break all your windows.
I figured out what I was doing right, it doesn't anymore.
When you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
It's not over until the FAT table sings.
Waiting to overcome all objections, results in nothing.
Programmers get overlaid.
You'll always overlook one of those pins in a new shirt.
MODEM - Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine.
Too many pages make a tome.
A mother pampering a child is raising a serpent.
Remember, the paper is strongest at the perforations.
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.
I'm not paranoid!  Which of my enemies told you this?
Watch out..the paranoids are after you.
Semiconductor:  A part-time orchestra leader.
Hardware:  The parts of a computer that can be kicked.
Parts is parts.
Ceci n'est pas un chapeau.
The trodden path is the safest.
Give me patience .  RIGHT NOW.
Diplomacy: The patriotic lying for one's country.
Is a  PC a symbol of Immaculate Contraption?
A bad peace is even worse than a war.
Bless the peacemakers their work will never end.
Life: You peel layer after layer, you find nothing in it.
A bonded penguin is a happy penguin.
Other than penicillin do you take if you have everything?
Really stupid people believe they are intelligent.
Learning makes people fit company for themselves.
If the people lead, the leaders will follow.
If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle.
Nature, like people, sometimes weeps for gladness.
Jury: Twelve people too dumb t get out of jury duty.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Television proves people will look at except each other.
Adversity makes people wise but not rich.
186,282 miles per second, it's the LAW.
Two of perfect virtue: one dead, the other yet unborn.
I am perfectly sane, and so am I.
Practiss maks perfict.
Promises and performances vary with hopes and fears.
Year: A period of 365 failures and disappointments.
Dios tarda pero no olvida.
Quien con perros se acuesta con pulgas se levanta.
I'm a person of letters... unread collection notices.
A wise person sees as much as ought, not as much can.
Hobo: A person who builds palaces and lives in shacks.
Outpatient.  A person who has fainted in the waiting room 
Golfer: A person who hits and lies.
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Kibitzer: A person with an interferiority complex.
An agreeable person: One who agrees with you.
Florist: A petal pusher.
Even a philosopher gets upset with a toothache.
Do cellular phones cause reckless dialing?
Hey. Don't pick up that phoׯ��ች���  NO CARRIER.
Easy as pie, no fuss, no muss, no crust.
Too many pieces of music end too long after the end.
I'm a pilot.  I pick it up here and pile it there.
Zippy the pinhead is a twit
Bureaucracy: That place always in need of a laxative.
There's no place like home.
Subway: A place so crowded even all men can't get seats.
Hangnail: A place to hang your coat and hat upon entering 
Laundry: A place where clothes are mangled.
Resort: A place where the tired grow more tired.
Hotel: A place you give good dollars for bad quarters.
Hex Dump:  Place for witches to get rid of used curses.
No battle plan has ever survived contact with the enemy.
Save out planet for our descendants.
Save our  planet, leave something of value behind.
Save the plankton - eat a whale.
Lack of planning does not constitute an emergency.
Do artificial plants need artificial water?
Celery farmers play the stalk market.
If you play with anything long enough it will break.
To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
Prune: A plum that has seen better days.
It's 11:56 pm. Do you know where your modem is?
What's the point-spread on World War III?
Cross ball points with coat hangers so they multiply.
An honest politician: One who stays bought.
Ideals kill politicians, and politicians kill ideals.
Mud slinging politicians clod their way to the top.
90% of politicians give the other 10% a bat reputation.
Firmness in politics is called obstinacy in a donkey.
It's a poor cook who cannot lick his own fingers.
Pity the poor corpuscle, for he labors in vein.
Criminal: The poor guy who gets caught.
Cash, a poor person's credit card.
It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.
Sculptor: A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
The most popular form of birth control: The headache.
Everything is possible, but nothing of interest is easy.
The worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur 
It is possible to smell after you stop breathing.
Non omnia possumus omnes.
Mary had potatoes, wine, salad, and a little lamb.
Responsibility without power is like slavery.
Real programmers practice safe HEX.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched.
Time is precious, but truth is more so.
Do blondes prefer gentlemen?
She got pregnant simply because she hated rabbits.
A jerk present in a group indicates a jerk in charge.
Don't knock President Fillmore he kept us out of VietNam.
SYSTEM ERROR:  press F13 to continue.
you can pretend to be serious, but not witty.
If a problem has a single neck, it is a simple solution.
Solve the problems of the world: Vote anarchist.
Why solve problems you can bypass with a GOTO?
Put off procrastinating until a later time.
A child prodigy knows not to bother with it.
Every huge program has a small program trying to get out.
Any given program,  when running correctly, is obsolete.
Machine-independent program: Will not run on any machine.
Everybody's a programmer, but who's WRITTEN anything?
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
All real programs contain errors.
Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?
Void where prohibited.
Fame is proof that people are gullible.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
Nam homo proponit, sed Deus disponit.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse protects the fuse.
Can you prove it didn't happen?
A diploma proves only that you know how to find an answer 
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
War on Puberty: New program to eliminate teenage crime.
If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk?
A good pun is its own reword.
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
Resist being put into boxes.
Whenever possible, put people on hold.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
All answers questioned here.
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
Honi soit qui mal y pense.
Certum est quia impossibile est.
Perhaps a radiologist can find something of value in him?
Desecrate, decimate, rah. rah. rah.
Let the rain fall, and fall, and fall.
It never rains but it pours.
It always rains right after I wax philosophical.
Dermatologists give rash judgments.
Poets are rather silent on the subject of cheese.
Quoth the Raven,  Eat My Shorts.
With people, reach should exceed grasp. Try for heaven.
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
A poet reading his verse in public has a nasty habit.
Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute.
God is real, unless declared integer.
The only realities are the atoms and empty space.
For some, reality is an illusion.
If you're really a police dog, where's your badge?
Did you really expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Does it really matter which cola I drink?
Does anyone really read these stupid taglines?
Is wetter REALLY better?
REALITY.SYS corrupted -- Reboot UNIVERSE [Y,n]?
Admiration: Polite recognition of self-reflection.
He wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head 
BUSH.SYS corrupted, recommend optimizing politics.
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
Does history record any case where a majority was right?
Hm..what's this red button fo������NO CARRIER.
The only red menace in America is the sunburn.
A Robin redbreast in a cage puts all heaven in a rage.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Some winners rely upon miracles without believing in them 
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
Do not remove this tag under penalty of death.
History doesn't repeat, historians repeat each other.
History doesn't repeat itself. Historians do.
User Error: Replace user, hit any key to continue.
Tumor: A request for an extra pair.
Some assembly required.
Just cannot resist a little fun along the way.  :-)
I can resist anything but temptation.
I can resist everything/anything except temptation.
Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N.
Your best response: Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
Endocannibalism: The result of a really hungry cannibal.
We have resumed control...we have resumed control...
Network?  I'm retired, I don't do no work never.
Repent and return those library books.
We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.
If she returns from the john, will I be too old to care?
A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
All wiyht.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Only the rich have distant relatives.
Kleptomaniac: A rich thief.
Okay Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC!
Protect your right to arm bears
Always do right: Gratify some and astonish the rest.
1st Amendment Rights: use them or lose them.
I never rise above the noise and confusion.
Early to rise and ditto to bed, makes you socially dead.
A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow.
The only road to success is always under construction.
A bear robbed of cubs is safer than the folly of fools.
Get a ROBONAP: Will sleep for you while you're online.
Hail, hail, rock and roll.
Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.
The choice: Roll over or stand up to the challenge.
Heads will roll.
Marriage, a romance but the hero dies in the 1st chapter.
A good rooster crows in any hen house.
Cynic: Through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
Treaties like roses and girls - they last while they last 
The only roses without thorns are love and friendship.
Detour: The roughest distance between two points.
Money is round, it rolls away.
Pi are round. Cornbread are square.
Hug: A roundabout way of expressing affection.
Philosophy: A route leading from nowhere to nothing.
Our parents ruin our early lives, our children later.
He cannot rule the great who cannot rule the small.
Rules?  What rules?
All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.
Do witches run spell checkers?
Here I run, to steal the secret of the sun.
C program run... Run, program, run...  PLEASE...
Remember, one runner does not make a race.
Ostrich: He runs so fast he leaves his behind behind.
W)here Y)our S)tupid I)nterface W)eathers Y)our G)enius.
all is said and done, people keep saying and doing.
Kids? Who said anything about kids?
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
"No, I said Bud Light!" - Captain of the Hindenburg
As I said last week, I'll be done tomorrow. 
"Nurse! I said: "SLIP off his SPECtacles!"
Draw your salary before spending it.
David Duke: Same old sheet.
Actions from sanity are not necessarily from feeling.
Forget whales, save Jupiter for when Earth is used up.
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
A dime saved is a dollar earned. The rest is Uncle Sam's.
A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Si jeunesse savoit, si vieillesse pouvoit.
Yesterday I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.
Anybody can say they'll do something, few actualize it.
Windows, Just Say No.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
She kept saying I didn't listen to her -- or something.
A minister says matrimony should be enduring.  It is.
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Rainforest: a scarcity of animals a plethora of tourists.
A good scare is better than good advice.
If speed scares you, use Windows.
I'm not schizophrenic, I'm multi-faceted.
UART?.. Me Science?
The Boy Scouts is like the army with adult supervision.
If it screams, it's best not to eat it.
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
Love the sea?  I dote upon it - from the beach.
If you search for the unknown, expect to be surprised.
Abandon the search for truth: settle on a good fantasy.
186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the law. 
There's no second chance for a good first impression.
Getting a second chance is never a certainty.
Say the secret word and this duck is yours.
Sects!  Sects!  Sects!  Is that all Monks think about?
Want to see a quieter way of life?  Visit Forest Lawn.
When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.
Can you see it Joker?  It's written all over my face.
To avoid seeing a fool, break your mirror.
Original  discoveries, seem so obvious afterwards.
The light seen at an end of a tunnel is at the wrong end.
Have you seen my mind? It was wandering again.
Has anyone seen my sanity? 
I have seen the future, it is just an extended present.
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
Skeptics are seldom deceived.
The cautious seldom err.
Happiness: A sensation arising from misery of others.
Comment vous sentez-vous aujourdn'hui?
Love is sentimental measles.
Illustrate your Sermons! Wear far side ties.
They also serve who only stand and wait.
Contents may settle during shipping.
How many sex-restricted jobs require a penis or a vagina?
Mr. Bullfrog sez:  Time is fun when you're having flies.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but no mineral rights.
I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
Golden Rule: she who has the gold makes the rules.
A statesman shears sheep, a politician skins them.
Colic: a sheepdog that is part collie.
David Duke: Sheet for brains.
A wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
The sun shines even on the most wicked of people.
If your ship doesn't come in, it's time you swim out.
Remember, one shoe cannot be a pair.
When you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
The past should be a mental springboard - not a hammock.
Every child should be given the desire to learn.
Some authors should be paid by the quantity NOT written. 
No person should govern another without their permission.
No one should hide their true self behind a false face.
To whom should I go to for some self-help?
No woman should imitate men.  Men are not worth it.
Little boats should keep near the shore.
A man should live forever, or die trying.
Every woman should marry -- and no man.
No one should test the depth of a river with both feet.
Better the shoulder to the wheel than the back to the A I 
Confucius say: Show-off always shown up in showdown.
Couldn't have sid it better myself.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
The first sigh of love is the last of wisdom.
A beard signifies lice, not brains.
Recognize the signs of spring.
Breast implant silicon should not influence brains.
It's a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
Success is simply a matter of luck.  Ask any failure.
Marketing is simply sales with a college education.
Remember, one singer is not a duet.
Get nowhere: Sit on your butt feeling sorry for yourself.
There's no skeletons in my closet.
They are slaves who fear to speak for the fallen & weak.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night.
Give a small boy a hammer and everything needs pounding.
Tablet:  A small table.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Cats are smarter than dogs.  They won't pull sleds.
Always be smarter than the people who hire you.
Where's there's smoke, there's toast.
That's a smug aura of respectability you see in a mirror?
You spotted snakes with double tongue... be not seen.
For the Snark *was* a Boojum, you see.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
It was so cold, I almost got married.
He was so crooked you could use him to pull corks with.
Time is so everything doesn't happen at once.
Feathers are so expensive now that DOWN is up.
Nothing is so good that somebody will not hate it.
It is so much better to live rich than to die rich.
Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.
People sweat so they won't catch fire when making love.
Support FREE software.  Write it yourself.
Earth: A solid substance, much desired by the seasick.
You win some and you lose some. But think qualitatively.
Get me some coffee and then ask me in ten minutes.
There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.
Prosperity makes some friends and many enemies.
Nowadays even some illiterates can read and write.
<< Just some more irrelevant nonsense from me. >>
Be flexible, some things just take time.
Secretion: Something someone is hiding from you.
Redundancy is something I can do again and again.
Megahertz--when something is really painful.
Quick!  Say something profound in 45 characters or le.
Life is something that happens when you can't sleep.
Reality is something you rise above.
Memory Manager:  Something I need more than my computer.
Bathroom scale: Something you stand on and swear at.
Hot air sometimes thaws out a cold reception.
I'm lost somewhere in the ozone again.
Bugs are sons of glitches.
I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid you're just a mirage.
We are sorry, the number you reached is not in service.
Oh, I'm sorry, was that your hard drive.
De los sos ojos tan fuertemientre lorando.
The last sound that it made was "Zap."
They that sow the wind, will reap the whirlwind.
Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist.
Think much, speak little, and write less.
Someone is speaking well of you.
What light speed?  I can even surpass dark speed.
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Since GOD spelled backwards is DOG, is my poodle Satan?
Government should spend our money like it was their own.
Lasciate ogni speranza voi ch'entrate.
I spilled spot remover on my dog.  He's gone now.
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
Cogito ergo spud!  (I think, therefore I yam).
Caution! - Bug squashing in progress.
HHeellpp.. II''mm ssttuucckk iinn hhaallff--dduupplleexx.
On the stage, dying is easy, comedy is difficult.
People who stagnate rather than evolve are almost dead.
Keep cool, stand in front of an open refrigerator.
We have standards and expect you not to exceed them.
I love standards, there are so many of them!
A hundred stars do not equal the light of the one moon.
I just steal 'em, I don't explain 'em.
Politics is stealing from the many and giving to the few.
The first step towards philosophy is incredulity.
You can't step twice into the same river.
Please return stewardess to original upright position.
Life is still in Beta test.
Your solution stinks. The problem is very interesting.
I almost stole another tagline. I'm so ashamed.
This tagline stolen by me, or was it you?
A rolling stone is better than a bird in the hand.
Beneath every stone sleeps a scorpion.
Really get stoned, drink wet cement.
Taglines unite! Stop kidnapping of taglines.
The buck stops at the desk over there.
The buck stops here, the doe just visits.
Misery brings strange bedfellows.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
If a string has one end, then it has another end.
Out of string space?  Try Scotch Tape.
I would strongly oppose apathy, if I cared. 
Facts are stubborn things.
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
Sinner: A stupid person who gets found out.
I'm too stupid to know what I'm involved in.
Don't play stupid with me....I'm better at that also.
Only the stupidest calves chose their own butcher.
God is subtle but he is not malicious.
A true subwoofer makes the concrete shake beneath you.
Behind every successful man stands a surprised MIL.
There's no such thing as gravity.  The whole world sucks.
Does LIFO-suction work on a FAT table?
All mathochists suffer from calculust
would have suffered a lot more if I'd been understood.
Grippe:  A suitcase for carrying flu medicines.
Tagito ergo sum  (I Tag, therefore I am).
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
It was supposed to be so easy.
Are we supposed to be having fun yet?
The eventual supremacy of reason should be accepted.
Patience: A surfer sitting in Walden Pond.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.
Help a swallow to land at Capistrano.
You always swat where he's not, or if he is aha! a spot.
"Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you,"  - Beelzebub.
Revenge is sweeter than life itself.  So think fools.
Congenital: Adjective synonymous to "friendly."
Opposing action systems do not execute simultaneously.
My other tagline is a footnote.
My best taglines are in for repair!  This one's a loaner.
If you take away the fuel, in time the flames will die.
She can't take much more of this Captain.
Sometimes it takes a fool to rush in to get the job done.
Good architecture takes on a life of its own.
Good cooking takes time.
Remember, it takes two to share a kiss.
Remember, it takes two to play peekaboo.
Remember, it takes two to dance the tango.
It usually takes weeks to prepare an impromptu speech.
He who talks too much commits a sin.
WARNING... drinking tap water may kill your thirst.
All the tea in china: 356,000 metric tons.
You can teach an old dog new tricks, under protest.
That will teach exactly what to whom?
Hire a teenager while they still know it all.
Show & Tell: Lecture by Gypsy Rose Lee.
Autobiography: Unrivalled telling truth about others.
Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever.
Yield to temptation; It may not pass your way again.
Good news: Ten weeks from Friday may be a pretty good day 
Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
I'm not tense, just terribly alert...
Urine: Baseball term: Opposite of "Your out."
East credit terms available. - Satan.
Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.
Th-th-th-that's all, folks.
But you Thaid it wath a PITH helmet!
Far duller than a serpent's tooth to spend a quiet youth.
Always remember that a moving neutruno gathers no mass.
Thank God that a person can have only one MIL at a time.
Overestimation: Thinking that all your geese are swans.
Noble deeds that are concealed are most esteemed.
Cats, proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad.
All's well that ends well.
A pitcher that goes to a well too often is broken first.
Please, forget that, I was just going to start eating.
I think that I'll stand up-wind, if you don't mind.
I think that I'm the friendliest guy in my zipcode.
It's love that makes the world go round.
Cats teach that not everything in nature has a function.
It's nice that people who love L.A. live there.
All sentences that seem true should be questioned.
Live so that the family parrot can live afterwards.
Gee... What's that ticking in the corner.
"Honey?" is that what you call this bee barf?
I like the 486 tower.  Does it come in red?
I know the answer, as long as you ask the right question.
Complexity isn't the answer - it's the problem.
Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache.
Acting is the art of keeping the audience from coughing.
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without puking.
Memoirs are the backstairs of history.
Man is the bad child of the universe.
The bigger the bankroll, the tighter the band around it.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Laughter is the best lubricant for life's engine.
Sex isn't the best nor the worst thing in the world.
The stranger, the better.
Who has the bread makes the laws.
I'm on the Brute Squad. No, you ARE the Brute Squad.
Politics: Passing the buck or passing the doe.
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth.
Adventure is the champagne of life.
Happy is the child whose father died rich.
And all the children are above average in our system.
I'm in the computer business, I make Out-Of-Order signs.
Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it.
Misinformation is the cruelest computer virus of all.
First, draw the curve; then, plot the data.
Today is the day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
Repetition is the death of art.
For many, the declension of life is: I go, you go, ego.
Altruism is the devil's calling card.
We've replaced the Dilithium with new Folger's Crystals.
Never mind the dog, beware of the owner & fecal deposits.
Time is the dressmaker specializing in alterations.
Dan Quayle: the EDLIN of Vice-Presidents.
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Living in the fast lane gets you to the other end rapidly.
Bachelor: Plays the field until the field comes in.
In data, the figure most obviously correct, is an error.
Today is the first day of the rest of your mess.
Today is the first day after yesterday.
God made the first garden, Cain the first city.
Eve was the first woman to date a snake.
Wait.  That's the FORBIDDEN dance.
Out of the frying pan, into der fire. - The Swedish Chef.
Challenge is the fuel that drives the winner.
These are the George Bush times that try men's soles.
Those whom the gods love grow young.
Against stupidity, the Gods themselves, contend in vain.
By following the good, you learn to be good.
I'm from the government. I'm here to help you.
Who is the Grateful Dead, and why do they follow me?
Many kiss the hand that they wish they could bite off.
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
An over the hill astronaut requests a slower capsule.
The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism.
Planned parenthood --- the impossible dream.
Reality is the indefinite enumeration of objects.
Tact is the intelligence of the heart.
Worry is the interest paid on trouble in advance.
Some climb the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Custom is the law of fools.
Give me the luxuries, and to hell with the necessities.
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.
Ronald Reagan, the Milli Vanilli of Presidents.
Man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Hindsight is the most exact science.
Hindsight is the most exact of the sciences.
He is the most sensible looking man talking nonsense.
He compresses the most words into the smallest ideas.
Ignorance is the mother of superstition.
Leisure is the mother of philosophy.
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
Honey in the mouth and knives in the heart.
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old.
God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them.
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
Is relativism the only absolute?
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
America is the only country founded on a good ideal.
People are the only creatures with the power of laughter.
Some days the only good thing on TV is the vase.
Indecision is the only key to flexibility.
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
Beware of the opinion of someone without any facts.
Always remember the past, but make waves when it matters.
Live: Know the past, help the present, touch the future.
Confirmation of the past is often the greatest surprise.
Of all the people I have met, you are certainly one.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups.
Blessed are the pessimists, for they hath made backups.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
Don't underestimate the power of inflation.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
College: Guarantee the quality of the product or return.
Beware of the Quantum Ducks -- QUARK  QUARK  QUARK.
Sailors curse the rain that farmers prayed for in vain.
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
Prejudice is the reason of fools.
Disease is the retribution of an outraged nature.
Speculation is the return lane of the road to knowledge.
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
Perfection is the road, not the destination.
Doubt is the root of education, not faith.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
Shoplifters with the runs always take Clepto Bismol.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Today is the scene of the accident.
Memory is the second thing to go during the human story..
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
I have the simplest of tastes.  The best is satisfactory.
Money is the sinews of both love and war.
Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves.
Doctrine is the skin of truth set up and stuffed.
Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The deeper the sorrow, the less tongue hath it.
Wit is the spice of conversation, not the food.
All of the stars are to be found only up in the sky.
Devoted to the study of cat bathing as a martial art.
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
Dew is the tears which the stars weep.
Its not the thing you fling, its the fling itself.
2+2=4 (for the time being).
Now is the time for all good men to come to.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
I'm on the trailing edge of technology.
Losing weight: the triumph of mind over platter.
Hypocrisy is the type of homage vice pays to virtue.
With consequences,  the unexpected always predominate.
Seriousness is the very next step to being dull.
Call out the vice squad.  Someone's mounting a disk drive 
Call out the vice squad.  Someone's mounting a disk drive 
This is the voice of world control.  I have brought peace 
Words are the voice of the heart.
Sherman, set the Way-Back Machine for 1492.
Water in the West runs uphill toward money.
Many possess the wisdom of many and only the wit of one.
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
How dieth the wise man? As the fool.
Memories keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.
What is the world to a man when his wife is a widow?
Lurkers of the world unite!
It's better the world wonder why you *AREN'T* President.
A hangover:  the wrath of grapes.
Blessed are the young, let them inherit the national debt.
Windows 3.0 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
Poker Face: The face that launched a thousand chips.
Long live The Great Electronic Underground.
Fibonacci Numbers: The mathematical explanation of life.
Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention.
Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.
Army food: The spoils of war.
Is "Artery"  The study of fine paintings?
American politics: The walruses herding the oysters.
Accountants work their assets off.
Some believe their life sentence is take up room and die.
Everyone meets their Waterloo at last.
Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight.
Never tell them what you wouldn't want to do.
Now and then an honest person goes into politics.
Say "No," then negotiate.
That was then, this is now.
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
Latest conspiracy theory:  Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Without creation there could be no destruction.
In war there is no substitute for victory.
Why are there so many gnarly limbs on my family tree?
Why are there so many fools on the road?
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
These days there's no arrest for the wicked.
I think, therefore, I am single.
I think, therefore I am (or am I?).
One of these days, Alice, one of these days.
What fools these morals be!
Where do these stairs go? ---  "They go up."
How come they call 'em APARTments when they're attached?
Why do they call them briefings when they take so long?
Genealogists believe they can always trace an ancestor.
What if they gave a war and only one side came? 
Everyone as they loveth, some people kiss cows.
Blood is thicker than water, and much more tastier.
Envy is thin because it bites, but never eats.
The worst thing about censorship is .
The incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is.
The worst thing men is that when not drunk they are sober.
The only thing more reliable than magic is one's friends.
Echo: Only thing that cheats some out of the last word.
The only thing worse than a sorcerer is his apprentice.
The less things change, the more they remain the same.
When all think alike, then no one is thinking.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If I think I am right, I am right until proven wrong..
If you think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments.
Sorry, can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.
I'm a thinker, I think, but I may be wrong.
A gourmet thinking calories is a tart looking at a clock.
Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming.
If everyone  thinks alike then somebody isn't thinking.
When everyone thinks alike, then everyone is stupid.
A writer thinks of critics as a tree feels about dogs.
An ass thinks one thing, his rider another.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Of all thirty-six alternatives, ignoring it is best.
My Go this  amn keyboar  oesn't have any  's.
There was this door to which I found no key.
I'm doing this for your own good.
Don't follow this message too closely!
Let's win this one and go home.
Never try this stunt on your own PC.
To steal this tagline press <CTL> <ALT> <DEL> now.
What is this thing anyway? The Discordian Society?
I'm making this up as I go along.
There was this veil through which I could not see.
Nothing in this world is certain but DOS and taxes.
Pay attention! This is the mother of all taglines.
Where are those flashbacks they promised me?
Success of those we dislike proves that luck exists.
Trust only those who would lose as you if things go wrong 
11th Commandment: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's tag 
Oh war. Thou son of Hell.
Unless to thought is added will, Apollo is an imbecile.
Learning without thought is labor lost.
Suppress that thought.
A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong.
Remember that three lefts make a right.
There are three things that come next, uh four.
If you throw mud,  you will have dirty hands.
Plan to throw one away.  You will anyhow.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, or was it here?
The only time I open my mouth is to change feet.
Docs? Last time I went, I got nasty tasting medicine.
Everything in time is birth to some and death to others.
Why waste time learning, ignorance comes with the turf?
There's a time to fight, and a time to hide out.
Dawn: the time when men of reason go to bed.
Time takes time.
Efficiency takes time.  Frugality: who can afford it?
How many times do you need to be tolled anyway?
IBM at times means (I)ncredibly (B)otched (M)achines.
DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law.
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Teacher (according to a child): A non-violent mother.
The road to a friend's house is never difficult nor long.
The way to a man's heart is through his veins
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
Just want to add my two cents worth, for what it's worth.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
person slow to anger is better than the mighty.
Best way to appreciate a job: imagine yourself without it 
There's bound to be a gargoyle here somewhere.
640K ought to be enough for anybody. -Bill Gates, 1981.
I seem to be having problems with my lifestyle.
I seem to be hearing the sound of idle hands clapping.
It's hard to be humble when you're having so much fun.
No need to be leading to have the courage to go ahead.
It's nice to be liked just the way you are.
Its hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember a thing.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
It's hard to believe it, but some teens are humans.
It's okay to call someone stupid; just don't prove it.
Specifications subject to change without notice.
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
It's stupid to continue doing what doesn't work.
Press <CTRL>+<ALT>+<DEL> to continue.
Always remember, to copy a disk is not to Xerox it.
Astrophysicans try to cure sick stars.
It's easier to curse the candle than light the darkness.
Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode .
Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.
Never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
I tried to drown my problems but they can swim.
Error:015 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
Always listen to experts. Hear the impossible then do it.
Know when to fight and when to run.
Seek not to follow footsteps but what they sought.
Memory seems to go first, or second, or ...
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Women take to good hearted men. Also from.
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
Teaching: Appearing to have known your subject forever.
Don't try to have the last word.  You might get it.
Never appeal to his better nature.  He may not have one.
I try to impress someone and always end on the short end.
Don't reply to inappropriate messages, left by SysOp.
don't reply to inappropriate messages, leave SysOp do it.
Best way to keep your friends: don't give them away.
Too stupid to know what I'm involved in.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Tagline space to let.  Inquire within. 
I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money.
I want to live with a synonym girl.
Press <ESC> to load the BBS, or <ALT>+H for an IQ test.
It's easy to make a friend, hard to make a stranger.
Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn.
Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Disco is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
Never try to out stubborn a cat.
I used to read books.  Now I read .qwk files.
Modem: Deterrent to receiving wanted and unwanted calls.
I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once.
Onion ring to rule them all, onion ring to bind them.
Self-sacrifice: to sacrifice others without blushing.
Being able to say NO is the root to reclaiming your life.
We read to say that we have read.
Press  +  to see another tagline.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
You got to start somewhere if you're going end elsewhere.
One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
You got to stop screwing around, daddy.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Always yield to temptation, it may never return.
Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
I have to think twice before I give it a second thought.
Fine day to throw a party.  Throw him as far as you can.
Be sure to use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.
It's OK to wear the same thing every day: a smile.
The desire to work is confined to classified ads.
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
Message brought to you by sufficient coffee indigestion.
Happy trails to you.
Bank Rule: To get a loan, first prove you don't need it.
Never do today what you can delegate tomorrow.
Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
Travel important today;  IRS men arrive tomorrow.
Cedant arma togae.
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
But God told me to use a GOTO.
I am tolerant of your fruitcake like beliefs.
A hen tomorrow is more valuable than an egg today.
Half Moon tonight -- its better than no Moon at all.
To be too clever is to be stupid.
Don't think too far beyond your next meal.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
I've got too many hands on my time.
He has too many lice to feel an itch.
If you're too old to learn, you were born so.
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
I just took an IQ test.  The results were negative.
I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
It's a tragedy that no man becomes like his mother.
MacIntosh:Computer with training wheels you can't remove.
Help.  I'm trapped at 0D1C:01DA.
Birds are trapped by their feet, people by their tongues.
Age and treachery can always overcome youth and skill.
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit.
If a tree fell on a florist, would he make a sound?
My family tree is in the forest, somewhere! 
October; When trees change from hirsuties to bald pates.
Save more trees, eat more beavers. 
Most family trees have several branches best forgotten.
Silly rabbit, tricks are for hookers.
Hmmmmm.... never tried an atomic bomb before.
Hollywood: A trip through a sewer in a glass bottom boat.
When in trouble, delegate.
Never borrow trouble, the interest is entirely too high.
Beware of true believers you may be duped by a false god.
Nothing is true, everything is permitted.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
A little truth helps the lie go down.
Sometimes the truth is the worst horror.
Money is truthful.  Men who speak of honor must pay cash.
All great truths began as blasphemies.
That's right, try hard to be good at the game of life.
If you try to be too sharp, you will cut yourself.
When you try too hard to save face, you lose your ass.
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid.
Is someone trying to tell you something?
Even the Tsar can't see his face without a reflector.
Teenager: Having tunnel vision and selective hearing.
The Caldecott Tunnel has less traffic than that vagina.
One good turn gets most of the blanket on a cold night.
One good turn gets most of the blanket.
When someone turns things around, don't get run over.
Tweedledum and Tweedledee agreed to have a battle.
We have two ears and one tongue, use them likewise.
Orator: a two minute idea, a two hour vocabulary.
There are two reasons for doing: one good, the other real 
There are two sides to a question, politicians take both.
It takes two to make a bargain.
Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.
Stupid: Being unable to find your own butt in the dark.
The future's uncertain and the end is always near.
Flamers have uncontrollable vowel movements.
Better to understand little than misunderstand a lot.
Who would understand youth must know old age.
Originality is undetected plagiarism.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
EXPERT - Some unknown drip under pressure.
I'm totally unprepared for everyday life.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are more unreliable.
Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first.
Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.
Please don't unzip here. I'm bashful; I'll probably laugh 
Errors show up in the duplicate while the Boss reads it.
Speed things up, make pre-aged wine from old raisins.
I've given up reading books. It takes my mind off myself.
Beam me up Scotty.... I swallowed my Phaser.
Don't give up the ship. Give up the captain.
I give up. Push me that hollow log and I'll climb in.
Use it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do. Or do without.
All those updates, and still imperfect.
Dumb v2.0:  Upgrade from stupid.
Recycle! For us and for them.
Genealogy: tracing us back to the same brother & sister.
Few of us can stand prosperity -- someone else's.
Each of us contains an element of insanity.
Some of us just die, others of us live on.
Real programmers use punched cards.
You may use this tagline 30 days before registering.
I can't use Windows.  My cat ate my mouse
Resistance is useless,  if you have no volts or amps.
Contains no user-serviceable parts.
Actions are usually right, but the reasons seldom are.
Constants aren't; variables don't.
Build a vast arena, then put a half-vast team therein.
Varicose veins: Veins that are very close together.
Dancing: A vertical manifestation of a horizontal desire.
Nothing is very funny when you're underneath it.
Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers.
Be vewy, vewy quite....I'm hunting tagwines.
An accommodating vice is better than an obstinate virtue.
Accuracy:  The vice of being right.
The only victory over love is flight.
C'est la vie.
Prevent computer viruses. Install Trojans!
Art is vision not expression.
"That's entertainment," - Vlad the Impaler.
Raising your voice does not reinforce your argument.
A slap vs a slog is like a ribbon vs an obi.
Do not wait for an echo when you drop a rose petal.
Are you waiting for your prey?
Sometimes I wake up grumpy...other times I let her sleep.
He who wakes up finding himself a success, hasn't slept.
Anyone can walk on water, just know where the rocks are.
I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now.
I either want less corruption, a chance to participate.
What you want, must, and need to do are seldom congruent.
If you want my advice, pay me.
If you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself.
If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
I don't want to be there when it's time for me to die. 
You might want to get a band-aid for that.
If you want to hide your face, walk naked.
Inquiring minds want to know.
If I wanted your opinion I would give it to you.
If reality wants to reach me, it knows where I am.
A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart.
Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
If DOS was an airline, would you purchase a ticket?
George Orwell was an optimist.
If it was easy, they'd send someone else.
His face was filled with broken commandments.
As I was going up a stair, I met a man who wasn't there.
Your sin, was it of omission, commission, or emission?
Chicken Little was right.
As I was saying, I hate it when people don't finish their
A Rotarian was the first to call John the Baptist "Jack."
If it wasn't for our lungs there wouldn't room for smog.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
Chaste makes waste.
"Build a watch in 56,179 easy steps" by C. Forsberg.
Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.
When dangling, watch your participles.
Is a WATCH OUT FOR CHILDREN sign a birth control ad?
The best water doesn't come in fancy bottles.
Flattery: Cologne water, to smell but not swallow.
A tidal wave of avalanche proportions.
The wrong way always seems the more reasonable.
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it
The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.
The only way to judge the future is by knowing the past.
The best way to keep your word is not to give it.
The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut.
By the way, you're soaking in it.
Misspelled?  No way!  I use an error-correcting modem.
With two ways to spell a word, the wrong one will be used 
Where did we all come from in the first place?
By trying we can learn to endure another's adversity.
I'm sure we can talk things out like uncivilized people.
Where are we going? Why am I in this handbasket?
With foxes we must play the fox.
At times we must settle for inferior  quality time.
Tips: Wages we pay other people's hired help.
For carnival we put masks over our masks.
Why do we seem to operate best at a 90^ angle to reality?
In God we trust, you pay in gold.
In DOS we trust.
I believe we're under attack, but I'm not too sure.
Retreat hell! We're just fighting in another direction.
Don't worry.  We're on a mission from God.
The first wealth is health.
After two weeks of dieting, all I lost was two weeks.
Smoking cures weight problems... eventually.
OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to be eccentric.
Whatever is well conceived can be well expressed.
To live well, know the difference between good and evil.
If this were an actual tagline, it could be funny.
Black holes were created when God divided by zero.
If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much.
If wishes were horses, horses would ride.
If wishes were money, beggars would be choosers.
If I were really two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were you, who'd be me?
Gee, Ward, weren't you kind of hard on Beaver last night.
Camels have wet dreams too.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Barometer: Indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Be Alert -- what the world needs is more LERTS.
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
We are what we pretend to be -- Kurt Vonnegut.
We are what we pretend to be.
Nervous: Asking what wine goes well with fingernails.
Regardless of what you may think, this is not a tagline.
Hawaii shorts: What a wallet has after a vacation there.
Line noise?  What fh=.hElL is.LinS nfise?
Stretch pants: What Lassie does when the show runs under.
Minor operation.  What workers do in a coal mine.
Youthful figure: What you get when asking a woman's age.
"I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates
Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK?
Electronic publishing: What's my lino?
I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.
The ratchet wheel of politics is self-destructive greed.
Modesty died when false modesty was born.
Just remember:  when in doubt, you're always right.
Be careful when playing under the anvil tree.
Be careful when slinging mud, you might lose ground.
Nobody notices when things go right, I'm always noticed.
Blame Murphy when you dig at the wrong end of a rainbow.
It is when you take for yourself that you truly take.
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs Grundy to go fly a kite.
To excel when you try, always reach for the brass ring.
Middle age: When your age starts to show at your middle.
San Francisco: where NOBODY eats Rice-a-Roni.
Lunatic asylum: where optimism most flourishes.
Hospitals: Places where the run down wind up.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
A generation which ignores history has no past or future.
Our program, who art in memory, EXE be thy name...
Genius: One who can do anything except earn a living.
Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
To those who can see, a picture is a wordless poem.
Irregularity: Someone who comes to work late.
Optimist: Someone who doesn't know all the facts yet.
Friend: Anyone who has the same enemies you have.
I am who I pretend to be at that point in time and space.
Coward:  One who in thinks with his legs.
PARANOID - One who is really in touch with reality. 
A hen who lays an egg cackles as if it was an asteroid.
Maniac: He who leaves Maine.  Mainer: he who stays.
Shill: Guy who loses $2000 at a table, & leaves smiling.
Bigamist: One who makes the same mistake twice.
The client who pays the least, always complains the most.
Prostitute: Someone who sleeps using the Buddy System.
A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.
Let he who takes a Monday plunge return it by Tuesday.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it.
NAK NAK  who's there?  ^A!@#$%^B&*()^Z NO CARRIER.
NAK NAK... Who's there?
Bring the whole family...but leave the kids at home.
There's a whole generation of people out there my age.
Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.
Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo?
I know why so many squirrels live in my family tree.
Man and wife make one fool.
Husband and wife plan fight.  TIFF at 11.
Bigamy: One wife too many.  Monogamy: Same idea...
Too many wild asses are not yet extinct.
Of all wild beasts, a boy is the most difficult to tame.
Your call will be answered in the order it was ignored.
Good health will be yours for a long time.
Have tree, will climb - just as all my ancestors did.
The flogging will continue until the morale improves.
This software will eliminate all misakes.
One crow will not peck out another crow's eyes.
A bigot will not reason, a fool cannot, a slave dare not.
World peace will only come when patriotism is forgotten.
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
Have stock?  Will broker.
Leakproof seals, will. Quiet toilets, aren't.
Anybody can win, unless there is a second entry.
You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit.
When no wind blows, even the weather vane has character.
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Law of Window Cleaning:  It's always on the other side.
One man's Windows are another man's walls.
I use windows...on my car, on my house, but not on my.
The only winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
Gravity always wins.
All true wisdom is discovered in tag lines.
This fellow's wise enough to play the fool.
A worthless wise man always charms the rabble.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Some are wise; others are otherwise....
Difficult? I wish it had been impossible!
Make a wish, it might come true.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
The orator, with a flood of words a his drop of reason.
The trouble with a kitten is that, eventually it's a cat.
Mad: Affected with a lot of intellectual independence.
The mouse with a single hole is quickly caught by the cat 
Never argue with a skunk, mule, female, or a SysOp.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Bride: Woman with fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Never agree with me, it shakes my self confidence.
Fault lies with systems not the technologies involved.
Fountains mingle with the river, rivers with the ocean.
Avoid fighting with the ugly, they have nothing to lose.
A person with two watches is never sure what time it is.
Metaphors be with you.
A man without a god is like a fish without a bicycle.
Some men without a god are like fish without bicycles.
A person without a navel lives within all of us.
An actor without buck teeth can play the Easter Bunny.
A day without okra is like a day without sunshine.
A day without sunshine is like night.
I'm miserable without you, it's like having you here.
Mars needs women, apply at NASA.
Why can't women remember to put the seat back up?
Beer and women: Two of God's best gifts to mankind.
Pessimism never won a battle.
Since she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?
The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain.
Software independent: Won't work with ANY software.
Gee, I wonder what this key does.
What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it.
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
A kind word and gun gets you more than a kind word alone.
Synonym: A word you use when you can't spell the other.
Speak kind words, and you will hear wonderful echoes.
Once uttered, words run faster than the horses I bet on.
Your sweet words suck the morning dew off the honeysuckle
Words, words, words.  And no place to put them all.
3 dreaded words: " hard disk failure."
I just work here.
Every noble work is at first impossible.
If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it.
I like work.  I can sit and look at it for hours.
No wanna work.  Wanna bang on keyboard.
Assembly line workers do it over and over.
If it works, Don't fix it: Unless you are a consultant.
If it works, it must be obsolete.
If it works, rip it apart and find out why.
Solution Series: Works for Windows, Publisher and Money
Hospital: A workshop for the repair of faulty humans.
In this world a man must either be anvil or hammer.
Tip the world and everything loose lands in Los Angeles.
What's the world coming to when your monitor stares back.
The living world is a continuum in each and every aspect.
Surprise the world.  Get to work on time today.
Attack long worms from the rear - that is so much safer.
"Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver."
Defeat is worse than death since you have to live with it.
Democracy, the worst government except for all the others.
Trust me, would I lie to you..... again?
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell nobody.
Thought I wouldn't notice you sneaking off, eh?
You can write until sated, but no one must read it.
A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one.
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Nothing is wrong with you that reincarnation can't cure.
((wrong && wrong) != right)
I only wrote the thing, I don't have to understand it.
There's a Yankee in my closet - will trade for skeleton.
Boot & ye shall see. Replace & all will be made clear.
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer, Gie her a haggis.
A leap year is never a good sheep year.
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
Please don't yell at me.  I'm new at this.
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
A low yield atomic bomb is like being a bit pregnant.
Benign: What you are after you be eight.
Baroque: When you are out of Monet.
I see you are performing up to your standards.
But once you are real, you can't become unreal again.
Smile if you are wearing sexy underwear.
Hide when you bite your nails, or everyone will wonder.
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
Who says you can't have it all?
Hey man, you can't prove nothing.  I was at home.
Without fingers you cannot even thumb your nose.
What can you compare the universe with?
Where do you find the time to not read so many books?
What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas?
Retirement: when you get a certificate of depreciation.
Experience: what you get when you don't get what you want 
What should you give a nudist for Christmas?
Whatever advice you give, be brief.
Where do you go to catch anorexia?
Sir Lancelot, you have chain mail in Knight's Conference.
You think you have troubles?  Even my sundial is slow.
Incest gets you involved with relatives.
Hardware: This you kick. Software: This you corrupt.
Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why.
Genetics: Why you look like your father, or should.
The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.
What do you mean that my urine sample is too small?
What do you mean that I need a license to do that?
Every person you meet knows something you don't.
For something you really want, the price is always high.
Praise: What you receive when you are no longer alive.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
The more you run over a cat, the flatter is gets.
Just when you think it's hopelessly broken, it works.
We hired you to baby sit. You cooked and ate them both?
Meester, do you vant to buy a duck?
Remember, if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Think and you won't sink.
Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
Psychic Con: You know where and when.
Don't drink. You might shoot at tax collectors and miss.
Sparky's Law: You must say something cute here!
Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield.
Bomb #20, you're out of the bomb bay again.
Even if you're paranoid maybe they're really after you.
Sit down, you're rocking the boat.
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Blessed our young they will inherit our national debt.
Submitted for your approval.
Always put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else 
Only in your dreams are you really free.
Always use your enemy's hand to catch a snake.
Reading with your eyes closed may help you understand.
Courage is your greatest present need.
Time on your hands? . . . get Windows.
Go soak your head, puny human.
Shake off your heavy trance! And leap into a dance.
Hang up your logic over there.
To keep your milk sweet, leave it in the cow.
Mister!  Here's your mule.
Teleportation affects your orientation.
Put on your seatbelt. I'm gonna try something new.
Let's see your tagline hunting permit, sir.
Stick to your talent and the cows will be well tended.
Ok, let yourself go, as long as you can let yourself back.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Don't sell yourself short, your wisdom is worth 2 cents.
Look into yourself to discover your first priority.
Ivo Andric - Yugoslavia's First Nobel Laureate.
HaHaHa! Yuk, Yuk. Snort. Harumph.
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