Welcome to Penis War.  If you have a comment, good or bad, feel free to
 contact Fantasy Sports Connection at 314-784-9456.  This game isn't meant
 to be taken seriously. It's a gentle spoof on the MANY, MANY tradewars type
 games that just keep coming and coming and coming..well, you get the idea.
 I've actually seen good friends become real life enemies over a tradewars
 type game.

 1-Enter Penis Wars.  The game now has 1000 sectors.  You'll find 4 different
   type ports.  Class One, Class Two, Class Three and Class Four.  These ports
   will either buy or sell Monkey Nuts, Donkey Nuts Or Toad Nuts.  Needless to
   say you should buy low and sell high. Always try to buy from a Class 3 port
   and sell to a Class One port.
   You'll start out in a Penis Scout with 2 cargo holds.  Trade and visit the
   Sexport where you can play sperm darts and buy a new ship with more cargo
   holds.  I'm not going to tell you where the Sexport is, you'll have to find
   it on your own.
   Of course, watch out for the dreaded Rectumoids.  They'll give you a choice
   of surrendering or running.  I'll let you decide which is better. 

 2-Penis Scores.  This option shows you inches earned and type ship.  In this
   version 28,999 will win the game.  It will then reset.

 3-Last Big Prick.  The Player who won the last game.   

 4-Help. You're reading it now.

 5-Exit Back To BBS.