GUI Health Care - The Real Deal by Greg Borek Mr. Miller? Mr. Miller, can you hear me? Oh, my head. Wh...Where am I? You're in the hospital, Mr. Miller. The hospital? What happened? Ow... What happened to my head? My wife didn't hit me with that frying pan again, did she? No, Mr. Miller, but try not to move. You have sustained some rather intense internal injuries. The pain will be a little severe for a while, but your condition will soon improve. What can you remember? Well, everything is a little fuzzy. I seem to remember sitting at my computer at home. I was playing a game of Wolfenstein I think. No, wait, I was finishing my bowling program. Bowling program? Yes, doctor, I was writing a program to keep track of my bowling league. Are you a programmer then? No, I own a feed and grain business. Nothing much, but it pays the bills. I dabble a little in programming on my old 286. I couldn't find a program that did just what I wanted. Bowling league statistics are nothing to be trifled with, you know. There is some quite complex mathematics involved. Go on. This is most interesting. Give me as many details as you can, but please, take it easy; you've suffered quite a severe trauma. I'll try, Doctor. Yes, my head seems to be clearing a bit. I was working in Turbo Pascal version 3.3. That's right; I remember now. I was putting the final touches on the program when I decided to check to see whether I should release the program as shareware. It's all coming back to me now. I was looking at a PC Magazine when it struck me: the program was just so,...so inadequate. Sure, it worked. It worked fine, no bugs, just what I needed, but it wasn't, you know, Windows. I needed to put it into some GUI. Drop menus. Mouse support. And Wizards, had to have those hypertext help screens. Ow.... Calm down, Mr. Miller, don't yourself get so excited. It's just,...there was just so much to learn! I felt so...so inadequate. I realized I needed to get the program out on CD-ROM or it would never sell. Installation routines. Where to start? Ow... Mr. Miller, try to relax. You have already pulled one muscle in your brain already. (Nurse, get a sedative). I mean, I wrote a valid program. It did what I wanted. Without bugs. And now it's not good enough. I, ow,... I thought DOS was a good thing. I thought having just anybody, even someone like me who isn't a professional programmer, able to write programs in their garage was a benefit. I mean, even I might come up with a real innovation! Ow..., ugh. (Clunk). Doctor, he's gone. We lost him. No, nurse, we lost him a while ago. And good riddance. What? Doctor Gates, you can't be serious? Of course I am, nurse. I've had it up to here with these make- believe techo-weenies thinking they are real programmers. Programming used to be, well, exalted. It used to be done by clever men in long white coats in large, refrigerated rooms. They were highly paid and highly respected. Shareware? Bah! Don't you understand? We have to make all PC software in Windows using programming languages that take months for the average schmoe to climb the precipitous learning curve. This man was clearly a danger to the mystery and power of programming. Don't you see? We have to make programming more difficult! Doctor, if everything is written for Windows, doesn't that also put billions of more dollars in you pocket? Yes, but I'm not doing this for the money. It's...it's just the principle of the thing. Besides, this way I have even more control of the lemmings out there. The sheep will follow me anywhere, won't they? Ha, ha, ha! (Diabolical laughter). [Microsoft has made between $100 and $250 million in the time it took you to read this, based on how fast you read - ed.] {RAH} -------------- Greg Borek is a C programmer with a "Highway Helper" (OK, "Beltway Bandit" - but don't tell his boss we told you) in Falls Church, VA. He has previously been mistaken for a vampire. Netmail to: Greg Borek at 1:261/1129. Internet: greg.borek@rah.clark.net