Originally From Usenet via Exec PC Programming "C" Language Conference message --------------------------------------------------------------------- Original version by: David Salomon & David Rosenbluth Dept. of Computer Science, University of Waterloo Waterloo Ontario, Canada N2L 3G1 This "updated" version (1.2) submitted by: Joe Smolinski (C programmer) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy With such a large selection of programming languages, it can be difficult to choose one for a particular project. Reading the manuals to evaluate the language is a time consuming process. On the other hand, most people already have a fairly good idea of how various cars compare. So in order to assist those trying to choose a language, we have prepared a chart that matches programming languages with comparable vehicles. Smalltalk - A vintage Rolls-Royce complete with chauffer. You just sit in the back, play with Lego blocks, and think about the big picture. Unfortunately, sometimes the driver has his own ideas about where to go and how to get there and will ignore attempts at backseat driving. Unseemly back alleys and hill climbing are definately out. Still, many like the thick padding and after using the champagne dispensor a while come to regard it as the only way to travel. Ada - A heavy armor plated army-green Mercedes Benz staff car with little flags on the front fenders. Power steering, power brakes, and automatic transmission are all standard. No other colors or options are available. If it's good enough for the Generals, it's good enough for you. Manufacturing delays are due to difficulties reading the design specifications. The basic theme being: "If some is good, more is better". If toilet seats can be built for $600, think what that can do for programming languages. ALGOL 60 - An Austin Mini. Boy, that's a small car! APL - A double decker bus. It takes rows and columns of passengers to the same place all at the same time. But, it only drives in reverse gear, and is instrumented in Greek. Assembler - A combination Panzer tank and Formula I race car. Very fast, can go over or through most anything, but difficult to drive and expensive to maintain. Also, there is a button for every aspect of operation which must be manually manipulated each tiny step of the way, and pushing the wrong register can unleash awesome firepower and destruction on a hapless system faster than you can say, "Oops aw sh_t". It's possible to construct macros and keep these handy in the glove compartment along with manuals and maps, which ease the driving process somewhat, but this car is definately not for the timid or uninitiated. Expert drivers only with a tough backside, as the ride can get pretty rough at times. Of course the rewards are also great. AWK - The worlds most stylishly deluxe riding lawn mower. It looks and feels like a tiny Firebird or Z-28 Camero. Loaded with special features for mowing through tall text weeds and brush. Triple blades, built in hedge trimmers, edgers, fertilizer spreaders, everything adjustable. Some of them are capable of short bursts of speed up to 20 mph but the fact remains that this is a special purpose vehicle, the 10 hp Briggs and Stratton engine, belt drive and solid rubber lawn mower tires are just not capable of cross country trips on the open road, but just great for those little mundane text tidying chores around the house or a jaunt around the block to the neighbors' lawn. Don't plan on driving outside the residential section. TINY BASIC - A 26" Schwin bicycle, belt driven by a lawn mower engine with the governer removed. BASIC - A rusty Dodge Dart with 234,000 miles and patched upholstery. Your Dad bought it for you to learn to drive. You'll ditch the car as soon as you can afford a new one. You are embarrassed when you realize you've been been saying that for years now. VISUAL BASIC - A rusty Dodge dart with a rebuilt engine that you operate by a system of strings and levers from a hot air balloon, tethered and floating overhead. C - A sleek black Firebird, the all-macho car. Comes with optional fuzz buster (inline assembler) and other agent 007 exciting spy thriller gadgetry widely available (in add on libraries). Thrill to the throaty roar of smooth power and burn rubber in all four gears. Just be careful not to let it get away from you. Not perfectly ideal for the really big continent spanning endeavor (cruise control would have been nice), but hey, nothing's perfect. Driving it is such a robust experiance that you usually don't mind having to keep your foot on the gas and it's nice to feel the road under you a little. Smooth ride, but power and control are there if you need it. C++ - The above black Firebird converted to a stretch limo and repainted in pastels with images of smiling cartoon characters. Full body harness passive restraint seat belts, airbags, roll bars and pollution controls are now mandantory. You suspect the big V8 has been replaced with a 4 cylinder but it's hard to tell as you can't see it for being buried under all the environmental controls and safety devices. (Gee, and all I asked for was cruise control!) VISUAL C++ - A stretch limo that looks like it might have been made out of a firebird filled with crash dummies held in their seats by full body passive restraints that you operate by radio control from a helicopter flying overhead. COBOL - An open air delivery van. It's bulky and ugly, but it's been doing the work for businesses for decades. Managers just keep deciding to add to the existing huge fleets of these dinosaur code monstrosities since they figure, well, we already have all this _existing_ investment. So what that the driver is exposed to the weather, bone jarring stiff suspension, and steering wheel that takes Hercules to turn? As long as programmers remain willing to put up with it, they'll keep them. And, surprisingly, they still do. FORTRAN II - A Model T Ford. Once it was king of the road. FORTRAN IV - A Model A Ford. FORTRAN 77 - A six cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission, no seat belts, no heater or windshield wipers. It does have paper card reader and buggy whip recepticles installed just in case you need them. On icy and foggy days, you have to drive with a wiping cloth in one hand, and stop every few miles to scrape the ice off the windshield with your fingernails. FORTRAN 86 - A six cylinder Ford Fairlane with a Space-age Loran Satellite ranging and tracking system as well as other structural moderizations. The buggy whip holder has been chrome plated. On cold days, you have to stop every few miles to scrape the ice off the windshield with the complimentory plastic ice scraper included in the glove compartment. PL/I - A pink Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield. Unfortunately, it only runs on high octane leaded fuel, however, some rare diesel versions are rumored to exist in the hands of discriminating collectors. Pascal - A Volkswagen Beetle. It's small, cheap, but sturdy enough. Was once popular with intellectuals. Most people soup it up and bolt on all kinds of accessories to try to make it look like a Firebird or Rolls Royce, but you're finally forced to admit it's really still just a Volkswagon Beetle underneath. Modula II - A Souped-Up Volkswagen Rabbit Fastback with racing stripes and a trailer hitch. The trailor is full of neat stuff you can bolt on to make it look just like a Firebird. Actually some people suggest they're not too bad for long trips. Of course, Firebird enthusists dismiss such nonsense on the basis that such people are probably ex-Volkwagon Beetle users. ALGOL 6 - An Aston Martin. Impressive car, but not just anyone can drive it. If you like to listen to Mozart backwards while idly transcribing the works of Shelley into hobbit script, ALGOL 6 could be for you. It sort of makes that powerful intense statement of concentrated poetic meaning, the result of hours of contemplation. ALGOL says you value eloquence above all else. You're not just driving to get somewhere, you're creating fine art and the road is your canvas, not to be wasted. LISP - An electric car. It's simple, slow and has limitted range. Nice for short jaunts around the neighborhood AutoCAD Application and back. Seat belts are not included, generally. PROLOG - Prototype futuristic concept-cars. Mostly radically sculpted clay models spray painted in fancy iradescent metallic colors. Most people didn't care much for the 2 inch ground clearance and lack of a steering wheel. Borland actually attempted to produce a practical version with a real turbocharged engine and metal body which was quickly booed down by purists who insisted that a true declarative language PROLOG vehicle must be implemented without resorting to an underlying procedural engine.. somehow. LUCID - Sculpted wood version of PROLOG concept vehicle that has not achieved anything near PROLOG's popularity and success. RPG - A Toyota Fork Truck - quite utilitarian and can be driven by just about anyone with some degree of success. Double curved spine NOT required. Forth - A go cart. You slap them together easily with nothing more than a hammer and airplane glue. Great fun. Make them up as you go along. No two are ever alike and just hope you never have to take one apart for maintenance. LOGO - A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real engine and a working horn. Beep beep. XBASE - A bookmobile. Paradox AL - An ice cream truck. SQL - An ice cream truck with radio dispatch. Lotus Macros - Gas powered roller skates you wear to propel you to and from the Amtrak mass transit boarding platform. Simula - A coin op arcade game with a seat, pedals and a steering wheel called "Speed Racer" KAREL - An industrial robot mounted on a electrically powered wheeled platform that you sit behind and control by pushing buttons on a hand held a teach-pendant.